


~From the Depths of Despair, You Saved Me~

by Kairat11



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe- Modern Setting - Freeform, Anal Sex, Bi!Dean, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Blasphemy, Blowjobs, Bottom Dean, Chiropractor!Dean, Depression, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Homophobic Language, M/M, Martial Artist!Castiel, Mentions of Cheating (not Cas or Dean), Mentions of Rape, Mentions of cancer (Not Cas or Dean), Mentions of gender reassignment surgery (not Cas or Dean), Multi, POV Castiel, POV Dean Winchester, PTSD, Pansexual Castiel, Plot Driven, Romance, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Supernatural AU - Freeform, Swearing, Top Castiel, Top!Castiel, bottom!Dean, mentions of abuse, mentions of depression, mentions of domestic violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-04-02 23:26:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 218,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4077811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kairat11/pseuds/Kairat11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is in a constant battle with his past. A past filled with failed relationships, emotional and physical abuse as well as depression. He is trying to escape the clutches of his past but it seems impossible.  Is there a chance for him to find happiness and a new love?</p>
<p>Castiel has his own demons to battle, in the form of a dominant mother and a betrayal that stole more than money. He has given up on love. Can he find it in him to trust again and give love a last chance?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Painful Memories~

**Author's Note:**

> Hello honey bees!  
> This is my second fanfiction and I am very excited about writing this story. I love Destiel so I am in heaven.  
> I don't know how many chapters it will have yet but I will try to update two or three times a week if possible.  
> The story starts slow but bear with me. I want to give you lovelies a good idea of Dean and Cas's mental and emotional state before it gets to the smutty parts. 
> 
> **I want to give special thanks to the lovely Haruka for beta reading this chapter for me. 
> 
> With all this said, enjoy the story! All kudos, comments and constructive criticism are welcome. Many thanks for reading!

Today’s weather is perfect for doing some yard work and for having a BBQ, Dean thought, looking out the window, stretching on his bed. Today was his rare day off from the clinic. He and his friend, Jo, owned a chiropractic clinic; they had opened it three years ago. They met in college and hit it off pretty quickly, but not in a romantic way. They just clicked instantaneously because they share a lot of common interests and have similar personalities. Jo’s mom, Ellen, was also a chiropractor, with many years of experience. Ellen also owned a couple of clinics. Actually, both he and Jo started working for her right out of college to gain more experience before opening their own practice. Jo was married to Victor, who is one of his best friends from college, and a pediatrician. They were good people; they always had his back. He would do anything for them. He was still in bed, stretching, even though he wanted to get up and start doing his chores. His memory foam made it so hard to leave the bed. Memory foam was almost better than sex and burgers- almost.

He really loved this house; it was perfect for him (three bedrooms, two and a half bathrooms, a nice sized kitchen connected to the living room in an open floor plan, a garage for his beloved Impala, a small porch, a generous front yard, and an amazing backyard). It was an older cottage style home in Dallas, a rare find in a state that prided itself on the “Everything is big in Texas” slogan. As soon as he saw the house, he was sold. The house just felt so right for him, like she had been waiting for him to come home. A home he wished to share with a lover. He really didn’t want to think about his disastrous love life, if you could even call it that. He has never had luck in that department; it was like he was a magnet for shitty people. People who left him broken, scared, and hopeless. People who made him feel lacking and undeserving. At least he had his brother and his family, along with a group of crazy people who made up the best family (outside of family) he could have ever asked for.

Sammy, his little brother, lived not too far from him. It was about a 20 minute drive. Sammy moved from California with Jess and their almost four year old little princess a year and a half ago, after Dean had bought his house. He was so happy to have them so close. He got along so well with his genius-moose, big shot lawyer of a brother, who was so committed to helping others; he often did pro-bono. Jess, his wife, was a nurse and was so out of his league. The girl was so smart, caring, witty, and beautiful; truly a gem. His favorite family member, though, had to be his almost four year old little niece Mary Rose. Also known as Caramel Frappuccino because she was so sweet and fresh. He smiled fondly, remembering his niece. Sam and Jess named her after Mary, Sam and Dean’s mother, who had passed away almost nine years ago from colon cancer. He still missed her every day; she was so sweet and strong. Even in her death bed, she was so optimistic, caring, and loving. John, their father, died a year after Mary did, in a car accident. He was intoxicated, and his car was hit by a truck when he ran a red light. He lost it when Mary died, even though they had been divorced for many years by then. He always said Mary was the love of his life. Then, the question is, why did he cheat on her if he loved her so much? Dean smiled bitterly at the thought.

The unpleasant thoughts made him finally get out of bed. He walked to his master bathroom and started brushing his teeth, thoughts of John still following him. John had been a good father, once upon a time, but as he and Sam grew, he did a 180. He changed so much that Mary couldn’t take it anymore, and asked for a divorce. John probably couldn’t handle the pressure of having two families, and the guilt he felt for being a fucking cheater ate him up, and he took it out on everyone. They used to live in Lawrence, Kansas, but Mary had moved them to Dallas to start a new life. It had been almost 16 years. She was a nurse, loved by her patients and anyone who met her. She made the best pies, and she was also a very good cook. He learned everything about cooking and baking from her. Mary was usually very busy at the hospital, so Dean often had to take care of the cooking. He was more than happy to do his part to help. Sammy, even though he was younger, was always helpful as well. She worked hard, but she never neglected them.

They have a good support system here. There is Bobby, who was practically family; he was the owner of the mechanic shop near Dean’s house. Rufus, the manager of the town’s supermarket, was also a close friend of the family. Both of them are grumpy old trolls, but they are two of the best people he has ever met. They had been there for Mary, lending a helping hand since they moved to town. Bobby and Rufus had been there when Mary got sick and passed away. When the call came about John passing away, they had been there to support Sam and him. Sam had left for college before Mary got sick. Dean had told him to focus on school, and that he will take care of their mother. Sam had argued vehemently, but Mary convinced him she was fine, and to listen to his brother. Sam had agreed, mind you, not very happily. Dean, at that time, had a year left of school, but took a leave to take care of their mother, much to her chagrin. He hadn’t regretted it, not even for a second. Mary deserved everything good, but God had turned his back on her. He sighed, closing his eyes, feeling a pang in his heart. The fucker who said “Time cures everything” is a stinking liar, he thought a bit angrily.

He shook his head, trying to shake off his negative thoughts. He could feel the boney, cold, and strong fingers of his depression, creeping up on him, trying to drag him down to the depths of despair. He didn’t want to go back to that place again; the place of sleepless nightmares and agonizing hopelessness. A shiver ran down his entire body, remembering how about six months ago that feared monster had taken a hold of him, and trapped him with heavy chains, imbued with acid that treated to corrode him in the most torturous way. It took him months to feel somewhat better, so he wasn’t going to mortify himself again. Those assholes that triggered his depression don’t deserve his time or mental and emotional sanity. He took a piss, washed his hands, and went back to the bedroom to grab a pair of black sweats and a grey tank top.

Walking out of his bedroom, he went directly to the front door. He opened it and walked out to the small porch. “Hello, summer,” he said to himself with a small smile, extending his arms to his sides. He was barefoot; he liked to feel the ground under his feet, it made him feel grounded, somehow. He walked to sit on the porch swing he had installed just last week. It sat two people comfortably, and the dark wood made a nice contrast with the white seat cushion and yellow/white striped throw pillows. He looked around his porch; he had some potted plants that were looking pretty good. He had a surprisingly green thumb. The house had a simple, low maintenance landscape; he didn’t have time to go all out like he wanted. “Dean, Dean, you ignoring, me boy?” said an insistent and familiar sassy voice. He jumped, startled, as he was so lost in thought he didn’t see or hear his neighbor approach him. When he looked up, he saw Missouri Mosely, decked out in her gardening clothes looking at him curiously. She was his next door neighbor, had been Mary’s friend, and the one who told Dean of the, now his, house when it went up for sale.

“I will never dare,” he answered with a cheeky smile. She cocked one of her eyebrows at him. She was a firecracker, but had one of the biggest hearts in the world. She had consoled him and fed him more times than he cares to remember.

“Dean Winchester, you might be a grown, tall, strong man, but I can still knock you on the head,” Missouri said with a teasing tone to her voice.

Dean chuckled and dodged Missouri’s right hand. She was a feisty one, and took shit from nobody, he thought, fondly. He grabbed one of the pillows to hold in his arms. He felt a bit off, he didn’t like where his mood was going. He could feel his depression like a living thing, surrounding him, like one can feel the dampness in the air on a very hot summer day. Suddenly, he felt like he needed to run, and his skin was buzzing, crawling with desperation. Missouri must have noticed, because she sat next to him, keeping some distance. She didn’t touch him. She knew he was very protective of his personal space, and when she spoke, it was with a soft voice.

“Dean, look at me, sugar,” Missouri said, calmly. She was holding her blue gardening gloves; they were dirty. She must have woken up early to tend to her vegetable garden, he thought. He looked at her, green eyes sad, with a hint of panic. Missouri looked at him with wise and loving eyes, a sad smile on her lips. He just kept looking at her, not saying anything.

“Dean, you know you are loved, right?” she asked with confidence. He looked away. “You are loved, and you deserve happiness. Your mama would have agreed with me,” she continued. He felt that pang in his heart again. “I don’t know what happened with that fiend half a year ago,” she said with a harsh tone to her voice, avoiding speaking the name, like it was cursed. He tensed and wanted to cover his ears; he didn’t want to think or talk about Andrew. If Missouri noticed his distress, she didn’t say anything. “And I am not about to push you to tell me, but I can tell it was something awful and you didn’t deserve it,” she continued, unrelenting.

He knew what Missouri was saying was true, but why did the people who he had dated and said that they loved him cheated on him? Why did he feel like it was his fault they cheated and left him? He felt so inadequate; like he was only good for a short term dalliance, but a long term relationship, was too much for him to ask for. He is hardworking, smart, caring, and responsible. He owned his own business, he is sociable, charming (according to everyone he meets), he is handsome (that, he was sure of because that was the first thing people told him when they first met him) and still young (31 was still relatively young, okay? At least in his book). So, if he was so great, why did people feel the need to cheat on him, to abandon and replace him?

Missouri’s hand on his shoulder brought him out of his thoughts. He looked at her; she was looking at him with so much kindness and concern. He felt so pathetic. He tried to smile, but it probably came out more like a grimace. Missouri gripped his shoulder softly and offered him a smile. “Come and have breakfast with me. I made croissants from scratch, and that delicious hot chocolate you make would go perfectly with them. Also, I need your help to move a gigantic planter I bought yesterday at the nursery,” she said, going down the porch steps. She had the weirdest timing, because it seems that every time he was feeling like crap, she would appear out of nowhere and help him feel better. Even if his love life was a big failure, he was so thankful to call people, like Missouri, family.


	2. Conversations are Overrated~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get to know Cas and a little bit about his caring and loving family (pure sarcasm here) ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello honey bees (in my head i heard it in Cas's deep voice lol)
> 
> I am very excited for you to read this chapter. Cas and Gabe are a fun pair to write.  
> I want to point out that when Cas and Gabe are having the conversation about Cas's ex, they each use different pronouns to refer to the fiend (she/he). It is not a typo, just keep reading and you will know why. 
> 
> **Once again thanks to my dear beta Haruka!
> 
> With all this said, enjoy the story! Kudos, comments and constructive criticism are always welcome. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
>                                                                             

“Gabe, I just came back from a run. I’m sweaty and tired. I want to take a quick shower before I go to the dojo,” Castiel said with a hint of annoyance in his voice. He loves his brother, but more often than not, Gabe made it really hard for Castiel not to want to snap a flying side kick at him. He closed the front door of the small house he rented in Dallas, and threw his keys in the bowl he kept on a small table, next to the door. He put the phone on speaker to make it easier for him to move around the house and talk at the same time.

“Cassie,” said Gabe, a bit annoyed himself.

“Don’t call me Cassie, Gabe. How many times do I have to tell you I hate that fucking nickname?!” Castiel said, a little bit more irritated. “And what are you doing talking on the phone? Aren’t you supposed to be teaching a class right about now?” he said, looking at his watch.

“Wow, Mike Tyson, why don’t you just bite off my ear? It would hurt less,” Gabe answered with mock derision. Castiel rolled his eyes.

“And no, I am not going to be teaching this class. Balthy came early. Don’t ask me why…” He didn’t even ask because he knew Gabe was going to tell him. His brother couldn’t keep a secret to save his life. Gabe loved to gossip. He knew everything that was going on in the lives of his own students and their families. Castiel opened the fridge and took out a bottle of water. When he turned around, two very adorable faces greeted him. He smiled widely at his two little intruders, and after drinking his water he sat on the floor. His two little tyrants jumped on him. Tippens, his two-year old male pit bull, started licking his face while wagging his tail enthusiastically.

“Cas, you are completely ignoring me for those two fur monsters, aren’t you?” Gabe asked in a flat tone. At that moment Tippens barked, recognizing Gabe’s voice. Mrs. Agatha, his three-year old cat, meowed loudly, as if she was annoyed by Gabe’s rudeness. Castiel chuckled; he loved these two little creatures so much. He had adopted them a year ago after he moved back to Dallas from New York. He felt a bit bad for ignoring Gabe, after all, he was the only brother he was close to and who really cared about what was going on in Cas’ life.

“Sorry, Gabe, what where you saying?” asked Cas sheepishly. He kept scratching Tippens’ belly, who had his eyes closed, clearly enjoying the attention (he was such a sweet dog and so smart too. Most of his fur was a medium grey color with a splash of white on the chest, paws, and face. He was the cutest dog ever) while caressing Mrs. Agatha’s shiny black fur with his right hand.

Gabe snorted. “Cas, you have turned into an animal hoarder. You should go out and meet people; start a new relationship.” said Gabe, a bit concerned.

Castiel casted his eyes heavenward and sighted. “First, I am not an animal hoarder. I only have a cat and a dog. Second, I go out and meet people, but it so happens that I like animals more than people. They love you unconditionally, and they don’t have ulterior motives,” answered Cas, dryly. He really didn’t like where this conversation was headed. He kept playing with his little tyrants.

Gabe sighted loudly. “Having one night stands is not meeting people, Cassie. This is not like you; you like serious relationships. You aren’t the type to fuck and go,” retorted Gabe, with clear concern in his voice.

Cas didn’t even bother to remind him about the nickname again. He just wanted to hang up and take a shower. “Gabe, can we not do this right now, please? I really don’t want to talk about this,” Cas said, feeling extremely tired all of a sudden. Not really physically tired, but more like emotionally and mentally drained. The worse part was that he knew Gabe wasn’t going to drop this conversation because it had been a long time coming. Gabe had tried to talk to him before, but he always was interrupted by parents or students at the school.

He heard Gabe close a door, probably the office door. In that moment, he knew this fucking talk was unavoidable. He got off the floor, much to Tippens’ and Mrs. Agatha’s annoyance, and went to sit on the sofa. He took the phone with him and took his sneakers off. But, like the wise saying goes, “get it over and done with,” he thought.

“No, I am so tired of postponing this talk, okay?! It has been over a year, Cassie, and that little bitch still has a hold on you. Don’t tell me you still love her? After the crap she pulled?” Gabe asked, voice laced with anger and disapproval.

Cas opened his eyes, anger building inside of him like magma inside a volcano. “Of course I don’t love him anymore, Gabe!” he answered, gritting his teeth. “I am not stupid or a masochist. My love for him ended at the same time he betrayed my trust. Trust is essential in any relationship. It is so difficult to attain, but so easy to lose. I learned my lesson, and that’s why I prefer to keep my distance and not get attached. I am better off alone. I don’t understand why it bothers you so much” Cas yelled back at Gabe.

He wasn’t one to lose his cool, but Gabe and his assumptions on this matter pushed all the wrong buttons. He knew Gabe meant well, but right now, he didn’t want to be logical.

Gabe kept quiet for a moment. Cas thought he had ended the call, but then Gabe spoke again. This time, no anger came through in his voice; only concern.

“Cas, I didn’t mean to make you mad or hurt you. You know that, but she is still holding you back. You are so afraid that whatever happened with her is keeping you from falling in love again and finding happiness,” Gabe said, calmly.

“He, Gabe, he,” Cas answered, now with subdued anger. “Sebastian was transitioning from female to male when we were together,” he added, feeling more composed.

Gabe made a noise of annoyance. “Yeah, whatever, I can’t keep track of and remember of all the “sexuals,” Cassie. You are bisexual, and he/she was transsexual, or whatever. The point is that what he did fucked you up big time,” Gabe scoffed. Cas could practically see his brother making quotation marks at the word “sexuals”. He shook his head and rolled his eyes, even though Gabe couldn’t see him.

“First off, I am pansexual. I thought you knew by now, since it isn’t the first time I have told you this. And the “sexuals,” (he did the quotation marks even though Gabe couldn’t see him) as you so intelligently put it, isn’t some kind of fashion trend you need to keep track off. It is a serious matter, and those labels exist to help people to correctly identify their sexual identity. I just wanted to clarify that so you don’t embarrass yourself in front of others” replied Cas, dryly.

Gabe snorted. “So, basically, you fuck everything that moves and is legal, is that it?” Gabe replied in an amused tone.

Cas wanted to punch something- preferably his brother’s face, but he couldn’t, so he took a deep breath before responding.

“I will explain it to you as simple as possible, so your microminiature brain can assimilate it. Being pansexual doesn’t mean I like everyone. It just means that I feel I am spiritually/sexually/emotionally capable of loving all genders. That doesn’t mean I feel attracted to or fall in love with everyone. I do happen to have specific set of physical preferences. So, no, I don’t fuck everything that moves, Gabe,” Cas concluded, really wanting to end this conversation and take that desired shower.  
“Whatever lets you sleep at night, little bro,” answered Gabe, humor laced in his voice.

“You can be such an insensitive asshole sometimes. I don’t know how Kali deals with you,” Cas answered, a bit aggravated.

“Well, a person can’t be perfect, you know? So, I am okay being an asshole forever and always. Plus, Kali says that’s what keeps it interesting between us,” replied Gabe, somewhat smug.

“You guys have such an unhealthy relationship,” answered Cas, a small smile tugging at his lips.

Gabe laughed. Cas couldn’t help the small smile that stretched his lips. Kali and Gabe were an odd pairing, indeed. It was a miracle they have lasted so long.

Tippens and Mrs. Agatha were resting at his feet, snuggled close together. They got along so well. It made his heart fill with warmth.

“Says the king of one night stands,” replied Gabe, mockingly.

Cas felt a pang in his heart at that. He didn’t do it that often, just when he was feeling like he needed to clear his mind of unpleasant thoughts. “Whatever,” he answered, feeling so done with this conversation. Gabe sighted. “Shit, I am sorry, Cas,” Gabe said, somewhat ashamed. “I am saying all the wrong things today, little bro,” Gabe added.

Cas noticed the stress in his brother’s voice. Gabe wasn’t usually so confrontational or snarky at him. Something must be bothering him, he thought. “What is really bothering you Gabe? This isn’t like you,” asked Cas, concern evident in his voice.

“It is the mistress of hell; she keeps calling me every day, Cas. She wants to talk to you, and because you ignore her calls, she is torturing me instead,” Gabe sighted, frustration clear in his voice.

Cas massaged his temples, closing his eyes. He felt so drained all of a sudden. He felt uncomfortable with his white t-shirt sticking to his skin, even his shorts bothered him. “What does she want with me? I don’t have the desire or willingness to talk to her after what she did. She should know that very well. I told her, clearly and simple, that I didn’t want anything to do with her,” he answered in a low voice. He didn’t have the energy to deal with this shit right now. Even the mention of his mother’s nickname had him on edge and exhausted. She was a dominating and controlling woman. His poor father was treated more or less like an accessory, rather than an equal in the relationship.

“I know, bro, but she keeps insisting on talking to you, and wants you to go visit her. She said she did what she did because you needed someone to get rid of the weed if you were incapable of doing it yourself. Her words, not mine,” Gabe answered, obviously irritated at their mother’s callousness.

Cas didn’t say anything for a moment. He fiercely believed his mother shouldn’t have been blessed with the gift of motherhood. She was a dictator. What she said was law when they were growing up. Their father emasculated by so many years under a dictatorial marriage.

“On the bright side, though, you could say she was right and did you a favor,” Gabe said, hesitantly. Cas clenched his jaw. Though it was true, that didn’t make it right. His mother had always tried to control his life, meddle in every way possible, but he hadn’t let her. Sebastian did fall for her lure, though. No- he didn’t have to, because he never loved Cas. He had accepted that a long time ago, but he was so mad at himself for not noticing before the betrayal had happened. There were signs, but he didn’t want to see them. Now, he couldn’t trust anyone, and that’s why it was easier for him to fuck and go, as Gabe crudely put it. No feelings means no pain or betrayal. It was cowardice, he knew that, but it was better than getting hurt again.

“True, but she didn’t have the right to do as she pleased,” he replied. Gabe made a noise of approval.

“She is desperate to have grandbabies. Having little people to mold to her image and control like puppets. I am sure; now, she knows what to avoid so she can raise the perfect little soldiers. She failed with us miserably. I am sure she wants a do over,” said Gabe, bitterly.

Cas bit a humorless laugh. “Michael already gave her two grandchildren who she refuses to meet because they aren’t from a woman she approved of. That might be a blessing for those children. I don’t think being loved by Naomi is a good thing,” he replied, resentfully.

Gabe hummed in agreement. “Thank Buddha they are far away; they are too innocent to deal with hell’s mistress,” said Gabe. Cas smiled fondly at the nickname Gabe had given their mother. It was a very fitting one.

“Christ! Our family is so fucked up. Michael was disowned because he married a Japanese girl and moved to Japan, refusing to take over the family business. Luke moved to Tibet to become a Buddhist monk. Can you believe that?! I still can’t! The dude who had orgies almost every day gave up sex forever,” Gabe laughed, flippantly. Cas remembered how shocked everyone was when Luke made the announcement. Now, they only hear from him once a year, when he sends New Year’s greeting cards.

“And she didn’t disown him because that is something she can brag about to her fellow harpies. She disowned me when I married Kali because there was no way in hell she was going to associate herself with a heretic daughter-in-law,” Gabe continued, with a mix of irritation and amusement. Cas kept quiet, as everything Gabe was saying was true.

“So, you see, Cassie, you are her only hope for a grand wedding, and perfect, rose-cheeked cherubs,” concluded Gabe, simply.

Cas opened his eyes, furrowing his eyebrows at Gabe’s implications. “So, basically, she wants to set me up with one of her friend’s daughters and use me as her personal stallion for her own benefit,” Cas retorted, voice calm and flat.

“Bingo! And we have a winner! Ding, ding, ding!” Gabe answered with false cheer.

“Then she can sit and wait until pigs fly or hell freezes over. Oh, and you can kindly tell her that when you talk to her next time. Also, I would advise you change your cell number or ignore her calls because I won’t be calling her anytime soon, much less visit her,” said Cas, with an edge to his voice. He got up from the sofa and started walking to his bedroom; the little tyrants trailing after him. “Cas…” Gabe started to say.

“This conversation is over, Gabe, I need to shower and go to the supermarket. Are you coming by the dojo today?” Cas asked, cutting Gabe off. They owned two dojos together. It was a good business, and they got to do what they love every day.

“Yes, after I finish the little tigers class,” Gabe answered, giving up on the conversation.

“Okay, see you later” replied Cas, ending the call.

“God, I am so tired, and I still have classes to teach. Can this day get any better?” he said to himself, voice dripping with sarcasm.


	3. Holy Hell, I am Fucked!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And then they met at the dojo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello honey bees!  
> Here is one more chapter and a very exciting one at that.   
> I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. Happy reading!  
> As always your kudos, comments and constructive criticism are always welcome and appreciated :)

Dean was in his backyard, finishing mowing the lawn. It had been raining for the past few weeks, and his yard had looked like a jungle. He was afraid he would find a snake, but thank God, he didn’t. He wished he had a pool on hot days like this, but he really didn’t need it. If he wanted, he could go to Sam and Jess’; they have a huge one. It was afternoon already; it had been midday when he left Missouri’s house, after helping her in her garden. The sun was high in the sky, blue skies clear, and a soft breeze caressing his skin. He felt better than he did that morning. He was listening to Zeppelins’ ‘Kashmir’ on his iPhone (white, Sony headphones in his ears) and was putting the lawn mower away in the shed when his music stopped playing. He took his cell out of his pocket and looked at the screen, an incoming call from his brother. He smiled. Dean closed the shed, and wiped his sweaty hands on his sweats. 

“Hello, Jell-O!” he said as a way of greeting, chuckling to himself, walking to the house. 

Sam snorted. “Really, Dean?! How old are you? Seven?” asked Sam, amused. 

Dean was in his kitchen already, and went to the sink to wash his hands. He put his cell on speaker while he poured some soap on his hands. 

He smiled at his brother’s retort. “You know what is very sad, Sammy?” he asked, continuing quickly, not giving Sam the chance to reply. “You are younger than me, and you act like an old man. Even Mr. Pascal, who is a 75 year old grandpa, is more fun than you,” he said, smiling fondly. Mr. Pascal had saved his life with a simple 911 call almost half a year ago. He had been a good neighbor before that day, so many months ago, and Dean even did some chiropractic care for him, but now the old man was part of his patchwork family. 

Sam took a moment to respond, but Dean could practically see his famous bitch face from the other side of the phone. Teasing little brothers is so much fun, he thought, cheerfully. 

“Mr. Pascal is probably taking pity on you and your bad sense of humor. You know, probably he doesn’t want to upset his chiropractor in fear of repercussions,” Sam said with mirth in his voice. 

Dean smiled a small smile. He was getting some meat out the fridge to season and barbeque. He wanted to treat himself, and he wanted share some with Missouri and Mr. Pascal. 

“You are just jealous of my charm, Sammy. I am dearly loved by my patients and neighbors,” he replied smugly. He put the meat in a bowl and was about to pour some vinegar to wash it when Sam interrupted him by clearing his throat. 

“So since you are so charming and lovable, I need you to do Jess and me a huge favor. I know it is your day off and I am sorry for asking this of you, but I don’t have another choice…” his brother said, trailing off. 

Dean furrowed his eyebrows, curious about the favor his brother was about to ask. “Sam, dude, straight to the point okay? What’s up?” he asked, putting the vinegar on the counter. 

Sam sighted. “I need you to pick up Mary Rose at her after school program, and then take her to karate class. Jess is stuck with a double shift at the hospital until tonight, and an audience I thought wasn’t going to take long has turned into hours of waiting around. I won’t make it in time to pick her up,” he concluded, sounding exhausted. His brother always worked too hard, and it was only Tuesday. 

“No worries, I will gladly go pick up my girl,” he said, fondness lacing every word. 

Sam let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Dean was the most unconditional and helpful person he has ever known. He was lucky to have him as a big brother. 

Dean felt Sam relax. As if he was gonna say no, that dummy, he thought affectionately. “At what time does she get out?” Dean asked. 

He heard Sam move, the sound of clothes rustling. He was checking his watch. 

“In about an hour. Karate class starts at 4:45. I will text you the address to the karate place. They’re very nice there. The dojo is called ‘The Ark Martial Arts Center.’ Castiel will probably be teaching the class” Said Sam, suddenly cheerful.

Dean thought nothing of it; his brother was kinda of a nerd sometimes. He was probably dying to take classes himself, Dean thought, amused. Castiel was kind of a weird-ass name; the instructor must probably be a strict, old, dude with a stone face. Castiel, he mouthed, getting used to the name. He didn’t want to make a fool of himself mispronouncing the name of his niece’s instructor when they meet. 

“Okay, if you say so. Text me the address. I’m just gonna jump in the shower real quick, and then I’m out,” replied Dean, returning the meat to the fridge. I’ll do the barbeque on Sunday, he thought. 

“Sorry, Dean, you must have had things to do. I will make it up to you, I promise,” said Sam in a serious voice.

“Dude, don’t mention it. You know I love that little pumpkin, and I’ll do anything to help you guys,” he answered, walking to his bedroom. 

“Thank you, Dean,” Sam said, sincerely.

“Dude, stop” Dean said, shaking his head. “Hey, when did she start karate? I didn’t know she was interested in that at all. Isn’t she a bit too small to practice such a dangerous sport?” asked Dean, a bit concerned. He was so protective of his niece, it was embarrassing. Especially for Sam and Jess. 

Sam laughed; it was heartwarming how protective Dean was of Mary Rose. He had always thought Dean would make a very good father one day. Sam really hoped Dean could find a decent person who values, respects. and truly loves him. “She only started two weeks ago. The instructors did a presentation at the mall the other day, and she was fascinated by it. It was impressive, Dean, you should have seen how they moved. I wish I had the time to take some classes,” he said, excitedly. 

Dean shook his head and smiled at his brother’s enthusiasm. 

“You are such a fanboy,” said Dean, taking some clothes out of his closet. 

“Says the guy who collects baking recipes from magazines, classic rock vinyl records, and Vonnegut books,” retorted Sam, mockingly, without malice. 

“Whatever, bitch, I have to hang up now,” replied Dean, in a playful tone.

“See you later, jerk, and try not to stare too much,” Sam said gleefully, hanging up before Dean could ask him what he meant by that. 

Dean made a curious face, but didn’t give it too much thought. He left his cell on the bed and hurried to take a quick shower. 

***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Cas was at the supermarket when his cell vibrated. He took his cell out of his pocket with his right hand; his left holding a basket full of popsicles. Summer had arrived- not officially, mind you, but the scorching weather said otherwise. He wanted the children to have something to mitigate the thirst apart from water. The promise of a treat always got them going and reduced the whining during the lesson. 

He answered the call, but before he could say anything, the voice on the other line interrupted him. 

“Cassie, sweetheart, I need to crash at your place for a few days,” said a tired, male voice. 

Cas sighed. “Good afternoon to you too, Balthazar. I am well, thank you for asking. Call me that again and I shall leave you out on the streets to roast,” answered Cas, dryly. 

Balthazar laughed, obviously not taking the threat seriously. After all, how many times have we had this conversation?! Cas thought. 

“Sorry, love,” replied Balthazar, insincerely. After all, he was the culprit who had cursed him with the hated nickname. “But really, Cas, I need your help,” he added.

Cas was walking to one of the cash registers. He needed to hurry if he was to make it on time. He still had to change into his uniform and stretch before the class starts.

“What did you do now?” Cas asked, knowing his friend well. 

“What makes you think it’s my fault?” asked Balthazar, indignantly.

“Hi,” responded Cas, returning the cashier’s greeting. He started to put the popsicles down on the counter. 

“Because I know you and it’s always your fault. What did you do this time to make the twins kick you out of the house?” Cas asked, in a quiet voice.

Balthazar sighed. “They want me to go with them to San Francisco to visit their parents. They’ll be celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary in a few weeks. Apparently, it’s a big deal, so they’re renting a fancy boat to celebrate the party,” said Balthazar, mockingly.

“It is a big deal, Balthazar. Marriage is not exactly a walk in the park,” responded Cas. He paid the cashier and took his bag. 

“Yes, well, the point is I don’t exactly feel comfortable meeting the parents. I know they are hippies and super open minded, but even though they accept our relationship, it is kind of weird to be surrounded by strangers who know of our dynamic and will certainly ask uncomfortable questions,” answered Balthazar, somewhat annoyed. 

Cas got to his car, a forest green Toyota Prius. He got in the car, put the bag in the passenger seat, and turned it on. 

“I understand, but you have to do it sooner or later. You guys have been living together and have been in a committed relationship for three years now. Did you tell them what you just told me? They are very smart men, I am sure they will understand and give you some more time to get used to the idea,” Cas replied, turning the AC on. 

“I did, but they are both so bloody stubborn,” Balthazar answered, groaning in frustration.

“Sorry Balt. I am sure they will come around soon enough,” Cas said, sympathetically. “Just come and meet me at the dojo. I’ll be there until eight,” he added. 

Balthazar sighed, relieved. “I owe you one, darling, see you soon,” Balthazar answered.

“No worries. See you later,” Cas replied, ending the call.

He put his cell on the passenger seat and buckled his seat belt. I sure hope Jacob and Timothy change their mind and work things out with Balthazar, he thought. They made a good threesome. Even though it was an unconventional relationship, they were very serious and dedicated to one another. Although, he couldn’t see himself in such a relationship; he preferred the good old, two person relationship.

He put some Jazz music on the radio, and started driving to the dojo. 

***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

“Unki D!” shouted his niece excitedly, upon seeing him. She was running to him with open arms, a big smile on her small face, and two braided up ponytails moving wildly from side to side. He smiled widely, crouching and opening his arms to receive his favorite person.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he said. “How is my Caramel Frappuccino today?” he asked affectionately. 

She hugged him as tightly as she could, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. 

“I am okay, unki,” she said, looking at him with bright hazel eyes. “Where is Mama?” she asked.

He got up and reached out to take her Minnie Mouse backpack and lunch bag.

“She and your dad got stuck at work, so they asked me to pick you up and take you to karate class,” he answered. “Why? Aren’t you happy to see me?” he asked, teasingly.

Mary Rose made a pouty face. “I am happy to see you, unki D, you are my favorite unki; don’t tell Vic or Gar,” she said in a quiet voice, hugging his leg. 

He chuckled. “Promise, cross my heart,” he said, making a cross on his heart. 

Meredith, Mary Rose’s after school teacher, was talking to one of the other parents. She had seen him and asked him to wait for her. He really wanted to leave. He knew she was interested in him, if all the flirting she did was any indication. She was a lovely and pretty woman, but he wasn’t interested in dating anybody at the moment. Before Andrew, he might have considered it, but now, not even one night stands were that appealing to him nowadays. It wasn’t that he didn’t like sex anymore, or that he didn’t desire a serious relationship, he just wasn’t ready to let anyone close yet- or ever. His vibrator and hands kept him content, despite feeling so hollow afterwards. 

He didn’t want to deal with this right now, so he waved at her and mouthed “sorry, I have to go,” trying to look sincere. Meredith looked disappointed, but her face didn’t show any anger. 

Dean and Mary Rose started walking to the Impala, holding hands. 

“You hungry, pumpkin?” he asked, looking at his niece. 

“Yes, my tum tum is growling,” she answered, patting her tummy. 

He smiled. “Let’s go to your favorite sandwich place and eat before karate, okay?” he asked, opening the back door of the Impala, helping her sit on the car seat he installed for her in his car. He got in the front seat and turned the radio on, Queen’s ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ filling up the car. He looked back at his niece, and she was humming the song. The girl had good taste in music, just like her uncle, he thought, proudly. Dean started driving, singing out loud; content. 

***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Castiel was on the mat, stretching. He heard the door of the dojo open; a group of parents and children arriving for the class. He had 15 more minutes before the class started.

Castiel smiled at the parents and children, and said his hellos. Two things in his life gave him happiness; teaching at the dojo, and his little tyrants at home.

He was still stretching when he heard the bell attach to the door ring again, and an excited voice called his name. 

“Mr. Castil,” said the little voice. He looked up and froze. It was one of the newer students, a sweet girl named Mary Rose Winchester. And next to her, a very, very gorgeous man that he knew wasn’t her father. He made his legs move by sheer willpower, his heart beating excitedly. Christ! I’m not a teenager looking at their crush, he thought. He hadn’t even spoken to the man, and he was already admiring every feature of that extremely lovely face. As he got closer, he could appreciate those features better. The man was tall, probably taller than him by a couple of inches, and looked fit. Short light brown hair crowning his head, stunning green eyes, the color of new leaves, and plump pink lips he wished he could kiss forever. Wait, no, no, stop it right there, Cas. You can’t allow yourself this, once was enough; and this beautiful person probably isn’t even into other guys, he thought, chastising himself. He broke the eye contact he and the handsome stranger had kept since they first locked eyes and got a hold of himself, but just barely.

Dean’s mouth didn’t want to cooperate with him to stop gapping. Did I hear right? He asked himself. His niece had said Castil, but anyone can mispronounce a name; especially a strange name such as Castiel. God, his heart was beating so fast. He needed to calm the fuck down and act normal, otherwise this handsome and delicious enough to eat man was going to think he was a creep. He shook his head, stomping down the feelings of excitement. The man was approaching them, moving with the grace of a well-trained body. The closer he got, the more nervous Dean got. The guy was downright breathtaking, a mysterious magnetism keeping Dean’s eyes on him. So much for the strict, old and stone faced old man he imagined Castiel was. God is fucking with me, he thought, bitterly. He had never felt so attracted to someone at first sight. 

“Mr. Castil,” said Mary Rose, again, cheerfully. 

“Hi, Mary Rose, how are you?” asked Castiel, looking at his student, trying very hard not to look at the vision in front of him.

Fuck! Thought Dean, finally taking control of his mouth and snapping it shut. Nobody had the right to have a voice like that, it was downright sinful. How would that voice sound during sex, whispering my name and sweet nothings in my ear? He wondered. Stop, remember what happened last time, said the familiar voice in his head. He tore his eyes away from Castiel, trying to compose himself. The dude probably is straight and married with children. Or, if he was gay or whatever, he probably had a partner. A guy this good looking couldn’t be single, he convinced himself.

“I’m fine, and you, sir?” answered Mary Rose politely, keeping eye contact. 

Cas smiled at the politeness of the little girl. “I am fine as well. And who might this be?” Castiel asked, looking up at the man, trying not to sound too curious or interested.  
Dean looked at his niece, trying to avoid looking into otherworldly ocean blue eyes. How can someone have such a seductive face? He thought, trying to look casual. 

“This is my unki D, but I also call him huggy bear, because he loves hugs,” Mary Rose chirped, squishing his hand. 

Dean wanted to hide or to die, whichever he could do faster. He could feel his face and neck heat up, he was sure he was blushing scarlet red. 

Cas bit his lips, trying to contain a smile. He looked at the man in front of him, unki D, aka huggy bear, who was blushing furiously, and avoiding his eyes. 

After a few seconds the man turned his eyes to Castiel, and looked at him through luscious long eyelashes, a blush still covering his cheeks. In that moment, Cas thought, yes, I am royally fucked.


	4. Temptation has Distracting Eyes & Lips~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas met and can't help being distracted with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy honey bees, 
> 
> I hope you are all well and healthy. Right now I have a cold, so feeling pretty crappy.  
> This chapter is longer than the others, sorry! I just love to write and couldn't help myself; especially writing about these two cuties struggling not to fall in love with each other.  
> Enjoy the chapter!  
> Kudos, comments and constructive criticism are always welcome and very much appreciated.  
> Kisses :*  
> ***Special thanks to my beta Haruka, she is a cutie.

Dean wasn’t shy or easily to embarrass; he didn’t know why he was feeling like an awkward teenager in front of his crush. This guy, Castiel, with just one look got him flustered and it was ridiculous. He wasn’t a virgin, not in the least, he had meet and slept with many, very attractive people of both sexes. Then why was he feeling so affected by this man? He decided to push aside, mind you with some effort, the things he was feeling and act like a normal person.

He looked back at Castiel, still feeling the blush on his cheeks. God, Castiel was looking straight at him, those ocean-blue eyes intently looking at him. That gaze made him want to lower his eyes or look away, it was so intense, like Castiel could see into his mind or worse, into his soul. But he didn’t break, it was a herculean effort to not just look at that face and get lost in every breathtaking feature. Those lips were so pink and plump, God, they look so soft and ready to be kissed. He wondered how they would taste and how would they feel on his skin. _No, stop it, you creepy asshole_ , he thought to himself.

Dean cleared his throat and lifted his face, showing more confidence than he felt. “My name is Dean, Dean Winchester. I am this little pumpkin’s uncle and Sam’s older brother” he said stretching his hands to Castiel.

Castiel was lost in those green eyes when he heard a very rough and strong voice; a voice that brought him out of his reverie. There was a hand stretched toward him and a pretty face looking at him curiously; another little person shuffling impatiently by his side. Dammit! He was acting so strangely, this wasn’t like him at all. He usually had better control of himself and now he looked like a complete fool in front of this beautiful man. He didn’t even heard what he said. _Christ! He was acting so unprofessional_ , he thought to himself. He would just have to power through this and get even the slightest self-control back.

Dean was still looking at Castiel, had still stretched. He knew his caramel frappuccino was getting impatient; she was never one to stay still. Castiel looked distracted, probably he just wanted to get this weird meeting over with and start his class.

Cas straighten and cleared his throat. He stretched his hand and griped Dean’s firmly but gently all at once.

Shit! How can a man have hands so soft, delicate looking but also so strong at the same time? Hands that felt so warm and good against his skin and made it break into goosebumps. Both of them kept looking at each other, like time had stopped and nothing else mattered. Dean lowered his gaze to their clasped hands and notice Castiel’s long fingers. He licked his lips, thinking of the way those long, elegant finger would feel tracing every line of his body. How they would feel wrapped around his cock or stretching him open. He bit his tongue and close his eyes for a second, then looked at Castiel and pulled his hand from his. _This was so fucked up_ , he thought.

Castiel noticed how uncomfortable Dean looked. _Great, now you have gone and done it. You have ruined everything right from the get go_ , Castiel thought, his heart sinking. His social skills were decent but not to the level of Gabe’s or Balt’s. He was too awkward and it was difficult for him to talk to people. But thank God, this was an established business already and the parents and children understood how he was, this was just his personality. They knew he was happy to be there, to teach the children and to answer any questions the parents had.

He looked at Mary Rose to clear his head and smiled at her. She was wearing a multi colored tutu on top of her uniform, no white belt on sight. He then looked at the uncle, he had to ask for the name again, how embarrassing.

“I am so sorry but can you repeat your name again?” he asked, trying to sound calm and confident.

Dean looked a bit surprised, curiosity sprinkling those very hypnotizing green eyes.

“No worries man, Dean Winchester, I am her daddy’s older brother” Dean said, looking at his niece and squeezing her hand. She looked up at him and smile, hazel eyes sparkling with delight. She was the perfect mix of Jess and Sam; Sam’s hazel eyes, Jess soft features and dirty blonde hair. She was also tall for her age which wasn’t surprising. _The gigantor gene had been passed effectively from father to daughter_ , he thought fondly.

 _Dean, what a fitting name for such an alluring man_ , Castiel though. “A pleasure to meet you Dean, my name is Castiel Novak” he said with a small smile.

Dean immediately looked at Castiel at the mention of his name; his name sounded so good on those lips. He also caught that tiny smile on Cas’s lips before it went away. Of course he had to have a charming smile as well, and this was only a small one. I can only image how a big, gummy one would look, he thought. Dean for some crazy, desperate reason wanted to see it.

“Nice to meet you too Cas” Dean said smiling a little; then he caught himself. _Fuck everything! Had he just given a nickname to Castiel in his head and said it out loud as well? Dammit, what was wrong with him today?_ he thought, feeling mortified.

Castiel was surprised at Dean’s use of that nickname. He was surprised but very pleased, more pleased than he should be. But he noticed how uneasy Dean looked, the cute blush from before making a comeback, highlighting those freckles (God was punishing him, because really, this man didn’t need to be more perfect) and eyes a bit wide like he didn’t mean to say that out loud. He needed to lighten up the mood and clear the tension.

He smiled again and looked at both Mary Rose and Dean.

“You both better hurry up because the class is about to start. And that tutu needs to come off Miss Mary Rose, you know the rules. I will tie your belt for you” he said in a gentle voice, looking at the little girl. She nodded, a bit disappointed at the reminder.

“Yes, sir” she replied in her sweet and polite voice.

Dean was looking at the exchange, quietly. Cas didn’t seem to mind the nickname. _Or he tried not to embarrass you and chose to ignore it_ , that annoyingly familiar voice said in his head. He looked around the dojo to clear his head. It was a spacious place and divided into sections, very well lighted and organized. It had a little room to his left that served as a store and another to the right that looked like an office. Another space next to the store with a small section covered in mats and a dividing curtain. Next to it many cubbies stacked on top of each other holding different training equipment. On the same wall there was a wide section covered in mirror, next to it a desk and a couple of chair, serving as another office. The bigger mat was almost at the center of the place, a wide mirror covering the entire wall to the left. He could see a waiting room in the back, two wide openings allowing the people waiting to easily see the children practicing.

Mary Rose squeezed his hand and he looked at her. “Unki D let’s hurry, I need to use the potty” she said in a quiet voice.

“Okay, show me the way ma’am” he said smiling softly at her. She smiled widely; she liked to be treated like a big girl.

Castiel was still there, looking damn sexy in his black uniform with two red lines flanking a white one on each of the sides of the pants and on the shirt (he didn’t know the appropriate name okay!), his black belt with six white stripes decorating it was neatly tied, looking a bit tattered. Cas looked every inch the martial artist he was and made it look effortlessly hot; exuding confidence from every pore, it wasn’t fair.

“Let’s go girly” he said, starting to walk.

He gave Cas a last look. Cas started to turn to head back to the center of the mat, but their gazes locked again when he also looked at Dean. They smiled a little at each other. Cas looked away first, calling for the children to come to the mat and lined up. Dean looked at him a bit longer, appreciating how that body moved and how that husky voice sounded. Now with Cas’s back to him, he could see the logo of the school on the back of the uniform. It was a brown ark, of course with a red dragon surrounding it and the name of the school in white lettering; it looked really cool.

Dean took Mary Rose to the woman’s bathroom and waited for her outside. When she called him to come in, he helped her wash her hands, take off her tutu (she was pouting and it was so hard for him not to go out there and plead with Cas to let her wear it) and then sent her to the mat holding her white belt. After all, he didn’t know how to tie it and Cas has offered to do it for her.

Goddammit, he was still using that nickname! _But as long as I don’t say it out loud it should be fine_ , he thought, trying to justify it.

Mary Rose went to the mat and bowed before she stepped on it. Castiel looked pleased, probably at her remembering what to do. He then knelled in front of her, took the belt and tied it around her tiny waist. He smiled at her, that small sweet smile and then got up to walk to the spot he was before. There were six children (four boys and two girls), about his niece’s age. They seemed excited; two of the boys and one of the girls had yellow belts. Probably they had been practicing longer.

Castiel told the children to repeat the student creed after him which they did albeit sounding lost a few times. Castiel knew the children were too little and learning such a lengthy creed will take them some time. They were well behaved for such a young age. He tried to concentrate and ignore Dean, which was extremely difficult because he was sitting on one of the front chairs, looking attentively at them.

Castiel said the starting command (In Korean, because Tae Kwon Do was a Korean martial art, that he knew) and the children answered in Korean as well. Dean smiled, this was too cute, he thought. The children started stretching following Cas’s example. The kids looked so serious and focus but sometimes they started whining. Cas didn’t lose his patience and promised them a popsicle if they were good and stopped complaining.

The other parents in the room laughed quietly. There were moms and dads; it was either one of the pair. Probably the other half was still at work or they were single parents. It reminded him of his mother; she always tried her best, stretching herself thin to be there for her boys. But Bobby, Missouri and Rufus had ganged up on her, and got her to not very willingly relegate some of her motherly duties. They argued she worked too hard as it was and that it wasn’t a weakness to ask for help. He felt that special warmth and affection in his heart, the one that was reserved only for his mother. She had been an amazing mother.

Castiel was focused on his lesson and making sure the children did the right steps and didn’t get hurt. But a few times he found his eyes straying to the waiting room, looking for Dean. Almost every time Dean had looked back at him, soft green eyes so clear and bright; a little smile on those mellifluous looking lips. _Dean was frustratingly distracting, making him disrespect this sacred art he was teaching,_ _how unprofessional of you_ , Castiel, he thought bringing his attention back to his students.

Dean was enjoying the view more than he should. Cas’s body moved so fluidly, graceful moves spellbinding him effortlessly. His face looked so focused and peaceful, speaking of how much he enjoyed what he did. He helped the kids correct their forms; talked to them clearly and seriously but never intimidating. Dean was finding more and more reasons to like him; this wasn’t good in the least. He decided to look around the waiting room to free himself of these torturous thoughts.

He smiled at two moms siting two chairs away from him. One of them wasn’t wearing a ring, the other was. They smiled at him kindly and curiously. He could see the questions on their faces. He really didn’t want to flirt or be flirted with. He nodded in greeting and decided to get up and walk around the room.

Some of the walls were painted white and others a light blue. There were three rows of somewhat comfortable chairs; at the back of the room next to a wall were a round table and three chairs painted in red. The wall next to it was covered in framed portraits of instructors and assistants with names on them. He didn’t bother reading them. Another wall had pictures of Cas, a short dude with honey colored hair and campaigned-colored eyes showing a mischievous smile. There was also a picture of a younger Cas, the short guy and another older, good looking dude; the three of them smiling happily, each holding a trophy. He smiled a little at Cas’s wide smile, it was impossible to resist.

Apart from the picture there were framed certificates and honors. There were more cubbies against a wall, a coffee/tea area and a play area for the children. The men’s bathroom was next to what looked like a storage room. The woman’s bathroom was located before entering the waiting room, two water fountains next to it. On the farthest wall of the mat was a wall; a beautifully painted green bonsai tree decorating it. Overall the place was very nice and inviting.

He headed back to his chair, the class was almost over. The kids were still going at it and Cas was still looking amazing. That body must feel so good to the touch, so firm and all muscle. Dean wondered how that body would feel pressed against him. How graceful and swift Cas would move as he fucked Dean. He shook his head and sighed. _I need to get out of here and never come back_ , he thought, looking at the clock on the wall in front of him.

His cell vibrated and he took it out of his dark blue jean’s pocket. Before he looked at his cell, he heard the women next to him comment how handsome and sweet Cas was, and how lucky his lover was. Dean had to agree with them.

He got a text message from Sam. “Got home a few minutes ago, going to make some fish tacos. You in?”

Dean smiled, amused. His brother didn’t cook much. He had tried to teach him growing up, but Sammy just didn’t get it.

“I am going to need Pepto after, but okay” he replied, adding a smiley face.

Castiel was almost done with the class. He allowed himself to look at Dean again. He was smiling softly and typing on his cell. Cas felt a pang of disappointment. Dean was probably texting with his lover/wife. He looked back at the kids and asked them to go back and lined up. He made some announcements and let the children go. He was a bit sweaty and thirsty. He still had one more class to go. He walked off the mat and waited at the entrance door. The parents sometimes had questions. Samandriel was in the office, he was Gabe’s and his cousin on their father’s side. He was an assistant in some classes and also helped at the office.

Dean was a bit sad the class ended. He didn’t know when he was going to see Cas again or if ever. Sam replied to him with the unamused faced emoticon. Dean shook his head. He got up and helped Mary Rose with her shoes.

“Unki D, did you see me? I was good right?” his niece asked expectantly.

He smiled at her and patted her head. “Of course I did and you were very good” he answered sincerely.

Mary Rose insisted on putting her tutu on again. The other parents started to leave, saying their goodbyes.

They walked to the front entrance where Cas was saying his goodbyes to the other parents and giving popsicles to the children. A sheen of sweat covering his forehead and neck _which shouldn’t look so attractive_ , Dean thought. Cas looked at them approaching and smiled softly.

“Did you enjoy the class Mary Rose?” Cas asked looking at his niece.

“Yes, Mr. Castil, it was fun. Unki D told me I was very good” she answered cheerfully.

“That’s good to know” Cas said, not bothering to correct her on the pronunciation of his name. He moved his gaze to look at Dean.

Dean’s heart started beating fast again, _this man was bad for his health_ , he thought. Dean licked his lips and he saw how Cas followed the movement with his eyes.

Cas swallowed hard, Dean really was a temptation; that tongue and lips would look and feel so good on and around his cock, he thought scratching his neck and looking elsewhere.

“The class was great, it looked just like in the movies” Dean said a bit excitedly; his nerdy side coming out just a bit.

Cas looked at him and this time smiled a bit wider, teeth and all. Dean’s heart did a double flip. _Son of a bitch! That fucking smile was lethal_ , he thought.

“I am glad you enjoyed it, I hope you visit us again” Cas said, trying to squash the eagerness in his voice.

Dean nodded, smiling a little and feeling embarrassed for sounding like a nerd. He couldn’t help the blush spreading on his cheeks. Dammit, I am acting like a total virgin today; I must look ridiculous. Better get moving and get out of here before I embarrass myself more.

 _Christ all mighty!_ Cas thought; _this was the most adorable thing he has ever seen_. Well, except for his little tyrants and the children. But no, this was different, it was the kind of adorable he wanted to wake up to every morning. The pretty, freckled, sweet face he wanted to look at every day, right next to him in his bed. Cas wondered where else those freckles kissed that strong body. He wanted to follow them and kiss them lovingly. He was startled by his own thoughts. He hadn’t thought like that in a long time.

He shook his head slightly, trying to rid himself of these ludicrous thoughts. He wasn’t a teenager or in his 20’s to forget so easily what had happened with Sebastian and be tempted by a pretty face, no- scratch that, a gorgeous face. God! Those forest green eyes did things to him, they were a trap.

In that instant the door opened, an older but still fit and tall man came in. He took off his sunglasses and smiled at Dean and Mary Rose. “Hello” he said with an easy smile and what sounded like a British accent. He looked a bit ragged, but that didn’t diminish his good looks. Dean recognized him from the pictures he saw in the waiting room.

“Hi” Dean answered. Mary Rose did as well.

Then the guy looked at Cas who was looking at him in turn, his expression unchanging. The dude got closer to Cas and kissed him on the cheek. Dean’s heart clenched painfully. He knew it, of course Cas was taken. He had told himself that before, he shouldn’t be feeling this disappointed. _Shit, he was really pathetic and desperate to be feeling like this because of a guy he just met_ , he thought, squeezing his niece’s hand. She looked at him and he tried to smile.

Balthazar had the worse timing, Cas thought. He wanted to keep talking to Dean, he didn’t know if he would see him again any time soon. He wanted to prolong this as much as he could but then Balt spoke.

“I’ll be waiting in the office darling” Balthazar said, excusing himself.

Dean tried to stay calm and look unconcerned. He looked at Cas and Cas looked at him with those breathtaking eyes, that made Dean weak.

“It was nice to meet you but we need to get going, school night and all” he said, surprised at how even his voice sounded.

A look of what looked like disappointment crossed Cas’s face, no that couldn’t be, Dean convinced himself. Cas had a lover and he was just being polite.

Cas was extremely disappointed, _stupid Balthazar and his bad timing_ , he thought. He tried to school his face into a calm and composed expression.

“I understand, have a good night both of you. See you on Thursday Mary Rose. And Dean, we have adult classes as well if you are interested” Cas concluded, looking at him with liquid blue eyes.

Dean nodded. “Thanks Cas, but I am still recuperating from some injuries. Good night!” Dean said opening the door and leaving before he could ask anything.

****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 _Why did I tell him that?! Jesus fucking Christ, I am a mess today_ , Dean thought to himself. He carried Mary Rose to the Impala and started driving to Sam and Jess’s home. He needed to go to his own house, take a warm shower and go to sleep. He probably needed to take one of his sleeping pills. His brain was too wired to sleep but his body was exhausted.

“Your daddy is going to make fish tacos, pumpkin, do you like that?” he asked his niece, to distract himself.

“Yes, they are yummy. Mama says it is the only food he knows how to cook” she answered sounding a bit tired.

Dean smiled a bit despite of how crappy he felt. Yeah, that sounds like Sammy’s limited cooking skills.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

“Who was that Cassie?” Balthazar asked when he came into the office.

Cas looked at him with a bit of ill-feeling. “None of your business” he answered, grabbing a bottle of water from the mini fridge they had at the office.

“Come on, tell me! You looked positively entranced and that man looked yummy” Balt replied spinning on one of the office’s high-backed managers chairs.

“You were very distracted during lessons Castiel” said Samandriel in a teasing tone, still typing a letter on the computer. “I have never seen you like that, except...” Samadriel cut himself and looked at Cas like a deer caught in headlights. Balthazar stopped spinning on the chair and came to a sudden stop. He gave Samandriel a chastising look. The young man lowered his eyes, looking very sorry.

Cas approached him and placed his hand on his cousin's shoulder, gripping it softly. “It is okay, I am not bothered or hurt” he said looking at one of his best friends and younger cousin.

He sighted, “His name is Dean and he is Mary Rose’s uncle, that’s all”.

“Bullshit” said Balt tilting his chin.

Samandriel chuckled.

“Whatever, I am not telling you anything, you guys are dicks” Cas said leaving the office; two exasperating assholes laughing loudly behind him.

 


	5. Good Intentions and Hurt Feelings~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even pleasant conversations can go south pretty quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello honey bees, 
> 
> Another long chapter and some strong themes. I added tags for mentions of rape and abuse as well as homophobic language. 
> 
> I promise more Dean and Cas interaction next chapter and some other nice things. 
> 
> I wanted to know if you are really liking the story? I am doubting myself a bit so I just want some reassurance. 
> 
> Enjoy the chapter and thanks for reading! 
> 
> Kudos, comments and constructive criticism are welcome and appreciated.
> 
> *** Again, thanks to Haruka (andyballsacks), my beta. She always encourages me :)

Balthazar was the worse pain in the ass, ever. Correction- it was a tie between him and Gabe. He hadn’t stopped asking about Dean, from the dojo, all the way to Castiel’s house. Castiel had even threatened him with leaving him on the streets, but Balt knew he was just bluffing. Castiel was just so tired. He just wanted to play with his little tyrants for a bit, take a warm shower, and go to sleep. He needed to run a few errands tomorrow, train at the dojo for an upcoming competition, and then teach a couple of classes.

   They had arrived at the house, and Tippens and Mrs. Agatha hadn’t wasted any time to jump on Castiel and shower him with affection. He left them enough food and water, as usual, and had left his trustworthy neighbor, Mrs. Alexa, to take out Tippens to relieve himself. He had given her a copy of his house key a long time ago; after she had offered to kind of pet sit for him. He wanted to pay her, but she refused vehemently, saying that she enjoys looking after the little fur balls (her words, not his). So, he drives her to her early doctor’s appointments and to the supermarket whenever she needs it. She was a lovely older lady. She had two children, but they seldom visited her. Castiel couldn’t understand why, but then again, he didn’t have the right to judge. He himself didn’t get along with his mother, although if his mother were to need him in her old age, he wouldn’t just abandon her regardless, of their tumultuous relationship. That’s just how he is.

   He was sitting on the floor, giving Tippens a belly rub and caressing Mrs. Agatha’s fur, smiling at his little piece of happiness. Even if his love life was a disaster, he still had his little tyrants to make him smile. He thought of Dean, of that beautiful face and strong hands, and of that rough voice and that sweet personality. He sighed. _I wish I could see him again and talk to him; we could get to know each other_ , he thought. _Even if it is as friends, it would be fine. Even if it’s hard for me to contain my desires to kiss him and caress that face, I want to get to know him and see him smile._

   Balthazar sat next to him and handed him a beer. He hadn’t even noticed when Balt opened the fridge and walked to him. He looked at his friend, and took the beer. “Thanks,” he said, before he took a long gulp. Balt nodded at him, understanding painted on his face. God, he didn’t know he needed this until he was drinking it. Sometimes he just felt so tired of his life, not in the sense of wanting to end it, but just plain tired of fighting his emotions. A part of him just wanted to forget what happened with Sebastian and fall in love again, trust in someone with his heart, without doubting them. The other side of him was utterly averse to the idea and had built walls of titanium around his heart. It was an exhausting battle he wanted to end.

“Cassie, talk to me, darling. I can hear your thoughts, clear as day” said Balt, cradling his beer bottle with both hands, moving his gaze from Tippens, to him.

   Castiel kept rubbing Tippens’ belly; Mrs. Agatha had apparently gotten all the attention she wanted and had left for the master bedroom. “If you can hear them, then why do I need to say them out loud?” he asked with a small, humorless smile on his lips, looking at Balthazar from the corner of his eyes.

   Balthazar made a noise of annoyance. “Don’t try to be cheeky with me, Cassie. We have known each other for more than 14 years. You know everything about me. Don’t try to hide your thoughts from me,” Balthazar retorted in a very serious and sincere voice.

   Balt looked drained and a bit sad; the argument with Jacob and Timothy had taken a toll on him this time. Cas felt bad for acting like a petulant child with Balt. It was true; they had known each other since Cas was almost 20 years old. Balt was Gabe’s college friend, and usually spent his school vacations at their house. He had been a successful investment banker for a very prestigious company, just like Castiel. When he had left a few years later, Balt had followed him short after,

   Cas drank another long gulp of beer. He stopped petting Tippens and turned to face his friend. They were still sitting on the floor, Castiel sitting with his legs crossed, and Balt with stretched legs.

   He sighed and ran the fingers of one hand through his already messy dark brown hair. Balthazar was looking at him attentively.

“You know, Timothy and Jacob still feel very guilty about introducing Sebastian to you. Though I was the one that kind of insisted for them to do it,” said Balthazar in a quiet voice.

Cas looked up at Balt. His friend’s face was a picture of concern and regret.

Cas shook his head, “None of you should feel that way. Neither you nor the twins knew that Sebastian was going to steal from me. No one suspected it, but I probably should have…” he trailed off, feeling frustrated at the hold his past had on him.

Balt put his beer on the floor and put his left hand on Castiel’s shoulder, squeezing it a little.

“I just feel tired and conflicted, Balt. I feel lonely, like my life has lost something irreplaceable. I would like to be happy in my personal life. To be able to trust someone implicitly without fearing the worst, but I can’t,” Cas said, taking another gulp of beer and looking down to the floor. He felt defeated.

   Castiel rarely let himself be emotionally vulnerable in front of others, but things had been bottling up for months now. His one night stands were a destructive way of dealing with his emotional and mental restlessness; as it was over-training his body and almost injuring his right shoulder. He had been in a dark place after Sebastian left, and if it wasn’t for Gabe, Balt, and Samandriel, he would have stayed home, drinking his pain away.

“Which side is winning the battle?” Balt asked in his usual silvery voice.

   Cas looked at him from the corner of his eyes, and lazily started ripping the beer label off. He bit his bottom lip.

“I don’t know,” he replied, drinking the last of the beer.

Balthazar snorted, and Cas smiled a little, this time sincerely. He knew Balt had looked right through him.

“What a blatant lie, Cassie, you bloody arsehole!” Balt said, knocking Cas’s shoulder with his.

“Don’t call me Cassie, you assbutt,” Cas muttered, stretching his legs.

Balt laughed, as he said, “I need to teach you how proper swearing is done.”

Cas shrugged.

“So, Dean has you hot and bothered and rethinking all your life choices?” Balt asked in a teasing tone.

   Cas looked at him. “That’s not true, I just met him and I am sure he is not even remotely interested. He’s most likely straight, or already has a partner,” Cas said in a flat voice, trying to contain his disappointment.

“Bollocks!” Balt said, continuing before Cas could speak. “It is obvious he fancies you. Were you momentarily blind, or too distracted imagining sexy scenarios in your head to notice how he looked at you?! The guy was undressing you with his eyes, Cassie! And you, my friend, weren’t far behind. When I opened that door I almost fainted with how thick the air was with UST,” Balt concluded animatedly.

   Cas was surprised; he didn’t think he was being that obvious, and he certainly didn’t notice Dean’s reciprocation. _God, I don’t want to get my hopes high,_ he thought. He needed to see Dean again and make sure he wasn’t taken or straight. He felt his heart flutter with hope. Before he made any decisions, though, he needed to think carefully, and then find a way to see Dean again. He got up and bent down to pick up his and Balthazar’s beer bottles. Balthazar got up as well, and followed him to the kitchen.

“I need to think things through first, but thanks for listening, Balt, I appreciate it,” he turned to look at his friend, and offered him one of the bottles of water he had taken out of the fridge.

“It is what friends are for, and is the least I can do to pay you back for all the times I have invaded your house. And don’t take too long to think; a piece of fine arse like that won’t be left alone for too long,” Balt said, taking his cell out of his jean pocket.

“Dean is not only a fine piece of ass, Balt,” Cas said, cocking one of his eyebrows disapprovingly.

   Balt looked at him, amused. “Defending the bae already? Well, pardon my rudeness, your highness,” He said mockingly, but without malice.

Cas shook his head, rolling his eyes.

“Now, let me get comfortable and call the short stack. He’s been texting me nonstop, begging me to tell him all the dirty details of your romantic encounter,” answered the Brit, walking over to the living room, dialing his cell.

Cas started to walk to his bedroom, and only caught a bit of the conversation.

“Yes, the guy, Dean… Yes, like James Dean, uh-huh. He had that type of bad boy look to him. Yes, he has a nice arse…”

   Cas looked heavenward and exhaled. He had to take the good with the bad. The people that cared for him were insufferable jerks, but he wouldn’t change them for anything.

 *******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

   When Dean and Mary Rose got to the house, Jess was already there. She opened the door with a big smile on her lips and hugged her daughter; then she hugged Dean and gave him a peck on the cheek.

Dean really loves Jess, she is a sweetheart.

   The three of them went to the kitchen and found Sam wearing an apron. He was busy putting a plate with tortillas on the table. Everything looked done and ready to eat, plus, it smelled heavenly.

   Dean chuckled at how funny his gigantor brother looked with an apron on, hair held back in a ponytail. Jess, Mary Rose, and Dean looked at each other, amused. Sam hadn’t noticed them.

“Nice apron there, Emeril” said Dean, mockingly, walking to the table.

Sam looked at him, smiling and rolling his eyes.

“Papa!” said Mary Rose, running to her father.

   Sam smiled widely. “How was preschool and karate, princess?” Sam asked, picking up his daughter and giving her a kiss.

“Good, we learned new moves today,” she said excitedly.

“Oh that’s nice. You need to show me tomorrow, okay?” Sam replied, putting her down.

She nodded.

“Caramel, let’s go clean up, so we can eat,” said Jess sweetly, grabbing her daughter’s hand.

“How are you feeling?” asked Sam, looking at Dean while taking of the apron.

   Dean had already washed his hands, and was sitting at the table. “I’m fine,” he answered briefly, looking at his brother.

“That’s good! Are you still feeling pain often when you breathe?” Sam asked concern evident in his voice. He sat at the table after bringing some drinks.

“Not that often anymore. Things have started to get better,” Dean replied, playing with his napkin.

   He knew Sam worried about him. Hell, all his family worried about him too much. He appreciated it, but he felt uncomfortable, like they were treating him like a vase made of hand blown glass. He felt like such a weak man. What kind of man let his ex almost kill him without defending himself?! _Only a weakling fag, a glitter-loving queer without a backbone,_ said a voice; one that sounded too much like John’s.

   Mary had allowed John to visit him and Sam after their divorce. They would go out to eat or to a baseball game, but when Dean told John about his sexual preferences, he had punched Dean so hard he almost broke his jaw. He remembered that day very clearly. They had come back from a Texas Rangers game, it was late at night; a Saturday. Sam was walking ahead of them. Sam, at the time, was 11, Dean being 15. Dean had already come out to his mother and Sam, so he thought it was the right thing to tell his dad as well. Oh, boy, had he been wrong! That had been the worse decision he had made at that age. The look of disgust and hate John gave him made him shudder. He didn’t care much for his dad’s opinion, but he was afraid of him. His temper was a thing of nightmares. When John had stricken him, Dean lost consciousness; the bastard had hit him with all his strength.

   He woke up in a hospital bed, half of his face swollen, the throbbing pain making him dizzy. Mary was right next to him. She looked at him with a face tainted with misery, pain, guilt, and despair. Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen. They looked at each other, and had an entire conversation without words. From then on, John was never allowed to see them, get close to them, or talk to them on the phone; especially Dean. Sam had refused to even talk to John on the phone. “The day he hurt you was the day I stopped caring for him,” Sam had told him a few days after the incident.

“Dean, _Dean_ ,” said an insistent voice.

   Dean came out of his thoughts and looked at Sam. Sam had that look of concern he, many times, had when talking to him.

“You okay? It seemed like you went far away,” Sam said, looking at him.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine. This smells good; I hope it tastes good, too. I better not get food poisoning,” Dean tried to joke.

Sam, bless his heart, caught the cue and let him change the conversation.

“You love my fish tacos. Don’t be bitter just because I’m better at making them than you,” Sam said teasingly, smiling smugly.

“Whatever, bitch,” he said in a quiet voice.

“Jerk,” Sam responded in an equally quiet voice.

“So, you met…” Sam started saying, but was cut off by Jess and Mary Rose.

“Let’s eat, we’re as hungry as dinosaurs,” both girls came into the kitchen, singing happily.

Dean and Sam smiled.

“Okay then, let’s dig in!” Sam declared in a cheery voice.

During dinner, they talked about work, school, and other inconsequential things.

After dinner, Jess took Caramel Frappuccino to get ready for bed.

   Dean helped Sam clear off the table and put away the leftovers, which Sam insisted Dean bring home. They put the dishes in the dishwasher, and then sat at the stools on the kitchen island.

They were talking about how the Rangers were doing this season when Jess came in.

She sat next to Sam and put her head on his shoulder, looking very tired.

Sam kissed her forehead, and she smiled softly.

   Dean was looking at them. He was so happy his brother had found an amazing partner in life and had built a beautiful family, but seeing their happiness made his heart clench painfully. He wanted to have what they had, but it seemed impossible to him.

“So, who taught the class today, Castiel or Samandriel?” Jess asked Dean, looking at him.

Sam looked at him too, a weird expression on his face.

   Dean tried to keep a straight face and a flat tone. He was trying very hard to forget about Cas and his gorgeous everything. After all, he was attached, much to Dean’s dismay, because that man had made him want to give a try at love and the whole shebang again.

“Cas did,” he said distractedly, before catching his mistake. _Fuck_ , he thought, _today was a fucking fiasco_.

   Sam and Jess looked at each other, a bit surprised, curiosity sparkling in their eyes. They looked at Dean at the same time, expectant looks on their faces.

“What? The guy has a weird ass name, okay? Cas is just more convenient. You guys should try it too. He doesn’t seem to mind,” he said, evidently flustered and uncomfortable.

“Uh huh,” said Jess, smiling like the Cheshire cat.

“Come on, Dean, fess up,” Sam insisted enthusiastically, smiling contently.

Dean was starting to get annoyed.

“Nothing happened, okay? The dude is gay, yes, but he already has a man. So calm down, guys,” Dean replied, irritated. He didn’t know why he was feeling so defensive and acting like an ass, but he just needed to leave, right now. He was getting up to leave when Sam grabbed his arm. He tensed, and Sam froze.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, Dean. Shit!” Sam immediately let go of his arm and got off the chair. Jess got off as well, and was looking concerned.

Dean shook his head, but didn’t look at them. “No, that’s fine, don’t worry,” he said in a croaky voice.

“No, no it isn’t fine, sorry, Dean. I just… I want you to be happy and find someone to share your life with,” Sam said in a gentle voice, which, to Dean, sounded patronizing as hell, and he hated that more than anything, especially coming from his little brother.

   Dean closed his eyes, and was trying to breathe to stay calm. He knew Sam was just concerned, but his skin was buzzing like he needed to crawl out of it. This day has been a mix of conflicting emotions, and he couldn’t keep up with all of them.

He didn’t see the look Jess gave Sam, or how Sam ignored her and kept talking.

“Dean, I know it must have been hard to go through everything you did, but you can’t let it ruin your life. It’s been more than half a year, and now that you’re feeling better, you only go from your house to work, to your physical therapy, and to here sometimes. I miss my brother,” Sam kept running his mouth without a speed limit.

   Dean’s started breathing in shallow breaths. _Shit, he didn’t just say all that_ , Dean told himself, hands closing into fists.

Jess grabbed Sam’s arm and shook her head, looking at him with reproach.

Sam furrowed his eyebrows and looked at Dean again, ignoring his wife’s warning one more time.

“Dean, I love you, and that’s why it hurts so much seeing you look so lonely and afraid. Sometimes we’re talking and you just go someplace else. You don’t even like to go out and have fun anymore. Missouri, Jo and Victor, Bobby, Rufus, Ellen, Charlie and Gilda, Garth, Pamela, and everyone else that loves and cares for you are all worried. We walk on eggshells around you because you explode easily or fall back into depression. You need to distract yourself and get over what that son of a bitch did to you,” Sam concluded breathlessly, swallowing loudly.

   Dean cocked his head and looked straight at his brother. He felt like he was on fire, like he was being burned alive with hellfire.

   Jess looked pissed. She gripped Sam’s arm tightly and gave him the mother of all bitch faces.

Sam froze, finally realizing and absorbing everything he had said.

Dean laughed a bitter laugh, one that could break even the hardest of hearts.

“Wow, Sam, good to know how much you have suffered with all my bullshit,” Dean said, mockingly.

Sam was about to speak, but Dean shook his head, and looked at him pointedly.

“Don’t you fucking dare, you asshole,” he said in a tight, low voice, clenching his jaw.

“You are telling me to get over nearly fucking dying in my house, on my birthday, after being attacked by a person I thought cared and loved me; who I trusted. You are telling me to get over the psychological abuse I suffered at his hands. You are telling me to forget that the motherfucker tried to rape me after hitting me on the side of the head with the back of a gun. But because I didn’t let him, he went and got my bat and hit me mercilessly until I almost lost consciousness. He fucking broke three of my ribs and chattered one, which almost punctured my right lung. He broke my left leg, spat, pissed on me, and then left me there, bleeding to death. And if it wasn’t for the commotion and Mr. Pascal coming out, and going to check on me, I would be dead right now,” Dean said, voice low, full of rage.

   He was still looking at his brother intensely. He never thought Sam was feeling that way or thought like that about him. Even his brother thought he was fucked up.

Sam looked miserable, guilty, and ashamed. Jess was still next him, but her anger could be felt.

“Dean, I…” Sam tried to speak.

“No,” Dean said, pointing at him accusingly.

“You don’t know shit how it feels to almost die, to see death, face to face. To think you would die alone, killed by someone you trusted. You don’t know anything; you haven’t been through any of it. You can’t say you understand, or you know, because you can only imagine, and that’s not even close to reality. So no, I can’t be the brother I was before that fucker stole my peace. I am sorry you and the others have to suffer my misery. This is who I am now, and I am trying to learn how to live again. But many things you and others do so effortlessly aren’t easy for me. Many days, I can’t sleep if I don’t take a sleeping pill because the nightmares wake me up, and don’t let me rest. I’ll get out of your hair now, Sam,” Dean said in a brittle voice, looking at Jess, and trying to give her a smile.

   Jess face broke, and tears fell from her eyes. She went to hug Dean, but he shook his head and bit his lips.

“Dean, forgive me, I’m so sorry…” Sam started to say, but Dean shook his head, avoiding his gaze.

Sam covered his mouth with one of his hands, swallowing a sob.

Dean left quietly, closing the door softly, so it wouldn’t wake up Mary Rose.

 _Even in his pain, he was the most considerate person_ , Sam thought, closing his eyes.

“Fuck, Jess, I messed up, big time. Shit, you should have punched me on the face,” Sam said, sitting on the stool close to him, hands pulling at his long, brown hair.

Jess was quiet for a moment, and then she walked to him.

“I,” she started to say, but then she cleared her throat. “I gave you all the signals I could to tell you to stop. Sam, we saw how Dean was at the hospital. We all thought he wasn’t going to make it. The doctors weren’t even that optimistic. The abuse Dean suffered physically, mentally, and emotionally- you and I can’t begin to understand. Depression is not a state of mind or something you can switch off, or something your mind can control. Dean needs our support. We just need to be there for him. No judging, baby, that’s not going to help him. You did fuck up, and you need to give Dean his space to calm down,” Jess concluded, hugging Sam.

Sam was crying silently; Jess could feel the tears on her neck.

****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

   Dean had to take a few minutes to calm down before driving back home. All this argument had brought back shit he didn’t care to remember. He can still remember all the hateful things Andrew said to him while he lay on the floor, squirming with pain, almost drowning in his own blood.

He rested his head on the steering wheel and took a few breaths.

 _One sleeping pill wasn’t going to cut it today_ , he thought.


	6. Naughty Times and a Lot of Frustration~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as the tittle says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello honey bees, 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter and share your thoughts. 
> 
> I still have a cold, but I am not letting it put a damper on my Summer and writing. 
> 
> Kudos, comments and constructive criticism are always welcome. 
> 
> Thanks and happy reading!
> 
> ***Thanks Haruka :)

   Dean woke up on his bed, lying on his stomach; his naked body being softly caressed by a warm breeze. _Naked body?_ he thought. He opened his green eyes slowly, soft morning light filtering through the airy white curtains of his bedroom window. His body felt relaxed and light, like it hadn’t felt in a very long time. Dean furrowed his eyebrows, feeling a bit confused. He was about to roll over, when soft lips traced his spine from the base, all the way to the back of his neck; a kiss culminating their exploration. He smiled lazily; his eyes closing as the warm breath of that mouth caressed the shell of his left ear.

Dean knew those soft lips very well, and the voice that spoke in sweet hoarse whispers, even more. “I know you’re awake, Dean; I noticed the change in your breathing,” said that amazing, husky voice; making his skin break into goosebumps from head to toe. He exhaled contently; he felt no fear, no need to protect himself. Dean didn’t know why, but he trusted this man like he hadn’t trusted anyone in the longest time. He didn’t let the annoyingly familiar voice in his head ruin his enjoyment this time.

   Warm lips gently touched his ear lightly, and mischievous teeth nibbled at his earlobe, pulling at it softly. Dean made a pleased humming noise. He heard a chuckle, puffs of warm breaths tickling his ear; he squirmed and giggled (Fuck! He just giggled like an excited teenager; this wasn’t getting out of this room, he swore). He felt those delicious lips smile against the side of his neck and he bit his bottom lip. He felt so happy and just plain good.

   Dean felt a small, soft bite on his neck and a pleasant shudder rocked his body. _God! This man really knows how to bring someone to his knees_ , he thought, as he licked his lips. He knew that all too well, because he had been in that position not too long ago. He felt more than satisfied, and he was just being touched with lips and puffs of breath.

   He could feel that body heat aligned on the back of his own body, like a line of burning fire from the tip of his toes to the tips of fingertips; hands entwined together like vines hugging a tree. Dean didn’t feel threatened or uncomfortable, like many other times when people had touched or hugged him. He felt safe under the weight of this strong, lean body; a body that wasn’t completely leaning on him.

   Dean wanted to roll over, but the body on top of him pressed closer. He could feel the hard erection pressing on his right butt cheek; he moaned, feeling his own erection come to life. The hands tangled with his started to untwine and he made a sound of discontent.

“Shh, I got you, beautiful, trust me,” the deliciously deep voice cooed, while raining open mouthed kisses on his entire back. _Fuck, this feels amazing_ , he said to himself, or so he thought, because he heard a dark chuckle; punctuated by a soft bite to his right side flank, between his ribs, and then felt a strong suck. He sucked in a breath and groaned deeply.

“Cas, _Cas,_ ” Dean said in a breathy voice.

   Cas dropped a tender kiss on what Dean knew would become a very dark hickey. He smiled contently; Cas knew how to turn him into goo.

“What, Dean? What do you want? Tell me, I’ll do what you ask,” Cas said voice like gravel, still kissing him all over.

   Cas’s long, elegant, and soft fingers were gently, but no less intently mapping his flanks and arms; trails of goose bumps on their wake, a telltale of his excitement.

“Tell me, Dean, tell me what you want,” insisted Cas, now kissing down his left leg while caressing his right one.

Dean couldn’t think, much less talk, as this felt like nothing he had ever experienced before.

   Cas nuzzled at his butt cheeks, and used his tongue to trace nonsense symbols on them. Dean arched his back, his toes pushing against the mattress.

“Ahh, Cas, mmm…” Dean rasped brain clouded with pleasure and desire.

Dean wanted those lips to kiss his mouth and leave him breathless and gaping. He wanted that tongue to lick his nipples like they were the tastiest thing Cas had ever tasted. He wanted Cas’ teeth to bit his neck and mark him up real good, to feel he was wanted and loved. Dean wanted those hands to cage his cock tightly while stroking it quickly and those fingers to tease his entrance and fuck him open slowly. He wanted to feel Cas’s long, hot, heavy cock move inside of him with the same desperation Dean felt; he wanted Cas’s cum to mark him up like a permanent tattoo inside of his body.

   And as if Cas could hear his every fevered thought, he grind his erection against Dean’s ass and growled against Dean’s neck. Dean chuckled headily, feeling self-satisfied.

   His smugness didn’t last long. Cas bit his earlobe again and tongued at it. Dean made a sound between a groan a laugh, burying his face in the pillow.

“It seems I have to teach someone a lesson,” Cas cooed. Dean was vibrating with excitement at Cas’ promises. He really wanted to see Cas’ face. Dean wanted to see his flushed face and heavy lidded eyes. He wanted to drown in those ocean-blue eyes while Cas fucked him as if possessed.

   Cas brought one hand to Dean’s already hard, leaking cock and started to stroke it languidly; thumb pressing softly at the head, pre-cum coating his fingers.

Dean groaned loudly, back arching and hands grabbing at the pillow frantically.

“Fuck, fuck, Cas! Yes, more…” Dean begged desperately.

“I love to see you lose it Dean, you look so wanton and hungry for me,” Cas murmured against his ear.

   Cas was so hard against his ass and Dean wanted him so bad. Dean could feel his orgasm building, but he wanted to come with Cas’ dick inside of him.

   Dean turned to look at Cas, half rolling over, and his heart did a double back flip at the look on Cas’ face. He could have come just from that look; a look of pure adoration. Dean reached out to cup Cas’ cheek, stubble scratching his fingers. Cas smiled that small, perfect smile. The one that made Dean think it was unfair for Cas to be so perfect. He felt his own lips stretch, it was impossible not to smile when Cas did.

   Cas kept stroking him. Dean’s eyes rolling back, a low moan ripping from his throat. The hand he had on Cas’ cheek had moved to the side of his neck. He could feel the strong, fast beats of Cas’ heart; his own heart beating like a hundred drums.

   Cas splayed his left hand on his chest and slowly moved his long fingers to his left nipple; the pads of his fingers so soft and hot against it. The nub of his nipple was begging for attention; attention Cas gave, pinching it gently. Dean loved nipple play, he was so sensitive.

“Oh, oh, fuck, Cas!’ Dean cried out, eyes fighting to keep focus on Cas’ gorgeous face.

   Cas smiled again and leaned down, tongue lapping at his nipple; then taking the nub between his teeth and flicking his tongue expertly.

“Cas, _Cas_ , baby, stop… I’m gonna come,” Dean pleaded breathlessly, his grip tight on Cas’ arm.

“Then come, beautiful,” whispered Cas, kissing his way up to Dean’s lips.

“Cas…” Dean whimpered. Cas was kissing him senseless, wicked tongue dancing with his, unrelenting. Cas tasted like noting he had ever tasted before; it was refreshing and mouthwatering, still, he couldn’t explain the exact flavor.

   Cas started to stroke Dean’s cock quicker, whimpers escaping them both. Cas’ left hand raking through Dean’s short hair, pulling at it gently. _This feels fucking awesome_ , Dean thought; heat like fire pooling low in his belly. He grabbed Cas’ cock, and Cas moaned loudly. Two, three, four strokes and… A loud, awful screeching sound startled him and when he opened his eyes Cas wasn’t there.

“Fuck!” he yelled, feeling frustrated and pissed. He turned to his side table and looked at the alarm clock; it was 7 O’clock. He reached for it and turned it off. His white comforter was pushed to the side of the bed. He was only wearing boxers; boxers that were sporting an impressive tent. He sighed.

“Ugh, this is fan-fucking-tastic,” he groaned.

He palmed his cock over his boxers; he was so hard.

   He had been having these vivid dreams for a couple of days now. The night he got home from Sam’s had been awful. He didn’t want to drink the sleeping pills, but in the end, had to because the nightmares woke him up as soon as he fell asleep. The next day was the same.

He had showed up at work sporting dark circles that could rival a raccoon.

   He remembers that Jo had almost freaked out, following him around like a worried mother, asking him what had happened. He really didn’t want to talk about it, but he had told her he had an argument with Sam, without going into details. She had been mothering him even more since that day.

   Garth- bless his heart, had offered him a massage, which he kindly refused. Garth was a sweet guy, they had met at university. He was always helpful, and he lives only a few blocks from Dean’s.

   Pamela had given him one look and nodded her head in the direction of the breakroom. He followed her and sat down at the table. They didn’t talk while she prepared some kind of hippy tea, which he appreciated very much. He was lost in thought when he felt her get closer. He looked up and she smiled sweetly.

“This will help, I drink it all the time to help me relax,” she had said, putting down a flowery mug in front of him, steaming with red colored tea. It smelled sweet and delicate.

“Thanks, Pam, you’re the best,” he croaked, holding the mug with both hands, glancing at her and trying to smile a bit.

“I won’t tell Jo you said that,” she teased, winking at him.

   She put her hand on his shoulder, mindful of not gripping it. He didn’t twitch, which was an improvement. He had been getting better, albeit frustratingly slow.

   He had been looking at the mug in his hands, following the steam until it disappeared when Pam spoke.

“You know I love you, hot stuff, right?” she said in a silvery voice.

   Dean smiled softly and nodded. He felt a bit uncomfortable when people told him that; his mother and Sam being the exception, but he was getting used to hearing it more and more. Thinking about it carefully, his past lovers never told him they loved him. Those relationships, if he could call them that, were more about physical compatibility than sentimental.

“Good, because Sunday is Jeremy’s birthday, and he demanded you go. He had been asking about you for weeks. He got the Indiana Jones movie collection as an early birthday present from Ash’s mom. He hasn’t even watched them because he wants to watch them with you,” she said, amused.

   Dean looked at her, smiling a bit wider. He shook his head, _that kid was something else_ , he thought, fondly. Jeremy was Pamela and Ash’s almost nine year old son. He was such a good kid; very smart, caring, and a bit strange, just like his parents.

“What time?” he asked.

“2:30, and I’m making pecan pie,” she said in a sing-song voice as she walked away.

“Pie always makes things more attractive,” he murmured, taking a sip of tea.

_Thanks for sending all these nice people my way mom_ , Dean thought; warmth spreading throughout his chest and not exactly because of the warm tea.

   Now back on his bed, cock hard and skin buzzing with sexual frustration, Dean pulled down his boxers and started stroking his cock. He moaned in pleasure, heart racing and his orgasm building with each stroke. Dean fondled his balls; eyes closing at the intensity of his excitement. He saw Cas’ face, blue eyes burning with lust and he could hear his name from those sinful lips, and that was all he needed. One, two strokes and he was coming all over his hands and stomach.

   Dean sighed and took a few breaths to calm himself down. He turned to his side table and grabbed some tissue he kept there. He cleaned himself and closed his eyes.

“God I am such a creep! It is wrong to use Cas to jerk off; I met the guy once and he is in a relationship with someone else. How disgusting and pitiful can I be to use him like this” Dean said out loud, sitting up and covering his face with his hands.

_Good thing I won’t be seeing him again_ , Dean thought; feeling a bit disappointed.

   Dean got out of bed and started to make it. He then went to his closet and got a pair of washed out grey jeans, a white t-shirt, a chambray long sleeve shirt, and his black Converse.

   He had a couple of appointments today. Dean had been going to physical therapy for almost five months. He goes once a week for an hour now, but a month ago he had to go three times a week. His leg has been feeling better, but he still felt strong pains sometimes, and he couldn’t move it like he used to before the surgery. Benny was Dean’s physical therapist; he was a really nice guy. Benny, and his pretty wife, Andrea, owned the clinic together. They had a very cute baby daughter, named Lizzy.

   Dean was also seeing a psychologist once a week to help him deal with his emotional traumas. Gilda, Charlie’s wife (they had married in Florida last year), had recommended Cecilia (his psychologist). Gilda had gone through some crap as well, and Cecilia had helped her a lot. He had felt weird at first, going to a stranger and spilling his guts out, but little by little, he had gotten used to it. Now he felt better prepared to deal with his anxiety, nightmares and panic attacks.

   Dean used to get triggered every time he walked by the spot in his living room where he had laid bleeding to death. Cecilia had suggested rearranging the layout of the living room, painting it, and maybe turning that spot into something else. Dean had done just that with Bobby’s and Rufus’s help one weekend. He always wanted a reading area, so it was the perfect time to get it done. Bobby even gave him a Persian rug he no longer used; it had been a wedding gift from his parents to his wife and him. Karen had passed away from heart failure a couple of years after Mary, Sam, and Dean had moved to Dallas. She was a sweet woman; cooked like a five star chef.  

   Dean hurried to the bathroom to brush his teeth and take a quick shower. He needed to eat some breakfast. After his appointments, he had to go into the clinic for a few hours. He usually worked a shorter day on Saturdays because he felt so drained from the physical therapy and his session with Cecilia.

   After work, he was going to go to the supermarket. Rufus called him last night and told him the meat delivery was coming today, and he wanted to get fresh meat. After, he’ll make lasagna with lots of cheese and some garlic bread. He was planning to go see Jurassic World after the madness had passed, so he was having a marathon of the Jurassic Park movies. It was the perfect Saturday plan for him.

   He had talked to Jess and caramel frappuccino every day. Jess respectfully not mentioning the fight or pushing him to talk to Sam. Sam had let him be for the first couple of days, but had been texting him every day after. Dean had texted back, just to let Sam know he was fine. He needed some time to just breathe and calm down. He didn’t want to snap at Sam.

   He got out of the shower, got dressed, and went to eat a quick breakfast. When he was locking his front door, he heard Missouri’s dachshund, Henry, barking. He was probably barking at Pico, Mr. Pascal’s corgi.

   Dean went down the porch steps and looked to Missouri’s house; there was Missouri and Henry inside the fence, and Mr. Pascal and Pico outside. He smiled at them. The dogs noticed him first, and Pico was wagging his tail happily at him. Missouri and Mr. Pascal turned to look at the cause of the commotion and smiled pleasantly at Dean.

“Good morning, young fellows,” Dean teased, bending to pet Pico. He wished he could crouch as easily as before, but he didn’t do it often because it put a lot of pressure on his knee.

   Missouri spoke first, “Dean Winchester, I hope you didn’t say that to make fun of us, or I won’t give you any of the bacon, cheddar, and chive scones I have in the oven right now,” she said, cocking her eyebrows, not a shred of ill feeling in her voice. As if on cue, Henry barked, as if agreeing with his owner.

Mr. Pascal smiled widely, his glasses rising up a bit.

Dean straightened and lifted his hands in mock surrender, amused expression on his face.

“No ma’am, I wouldn’t even dream of mocking you youngsters. You guys have more energy than I do,” he said, voice alight with humor.

“Uh huh,” Missouri answered, a small smile tugging at her lips.

“You look better Dean, there’s no raccoon mask around your eyes anymore,” said Mr. Pascal, looking at him, pleased. He had done a double take when he saw Dean the day after the fight.

   Dean looked at Pico, who was sitting quietly at his owner’s feet. He didn’t like to worry his family.

“Yeah, I have been sleeping better lately...” he trailed of, remembering all the colorful dreams he had been having. He should be embarrassed for having wet dreams like he was a 15 year old boy going through puberty.

Apparently, he had stayed quiet for a bit, because he heard Missouri clear her throat.

   He looked at her apologetically, but she didn’t look at him with pity or like he was crazy. She just looked at him with tenderness. Mr. Pascal was wearing the same look. They were so good to him and he didn’t know why, but he was grateful.

“Well, I have to get going, don’t want to be late,” he said, breaking the silence.

“Take care, sugar, and come back later to get the scones,” Missouri said in her nice calm voice.

“Yes, ma’am,” he answered.

“I found the book we were talking about the other day Dean; go by the house to get it,” said Mr. Pascal, leaning on his cane a bit more than usual. His hip was probably bothering him.

“You guys spoil me too much,” teased Dean, good-naturedly.

“It’s hard not to,” replied Mr. Pascal, honestly.

Dean scratched his neck, like he always did when he was nervous or embarrassed.

“Okay, no more heart to heart, guys, I’ll see you later. Don’t do anything crazy while I am gone,” Dean joked, walking to his garage.

   He heard Missouri tsk, tsk before loudly saying, “Dean Winchester, I will deny you pastries for a month if you don’t stop being so cheeky.”

He smiled and turned to wink at her. He heard Mr. Pascal’s rich laughter, followed by a few barks.

He hoped the rest of his day kept going as good as it started.

 *********************************************************************************************

   Cas got home from his run. He had taken Tippens with him. He went to the fridge after taking off his sneakers, and took a bottle of water out. Cas was listening to Pieces by Red; that song spoke directly at him. He felt like he was in pieces and he needed to be put back together by loving hands. The whole time he was listening to it, he couldn’t get Dean out of his head. It was crazy how one meeting had affected him so much. He wasn’t one to be swept off his feet; not before Sebastian, and definitely not after.

   But God, Dean had just bewitched him entirely with one look from those glorious green eyes. Cas could picture Dean’s face perfectly clear in his mind, and if he was a painter, he was sure he could paint every feature without missing anything. _Christ! This is ridiculous, and I would’ve made fun of myself a week ago for acting so irrational_ , he thought. He really wanted to see Dean again, but unless he asked Sam about him there was no other way to get in contact with him. Cas didn’t want to come off as unprofessional. Sam might not approve, and that could create an awkward situation.

   Cas sighed and refilled his bottle with filtered water from his water filter. He needed to hurry and take a quick shower. Today, he was volunteering to help at an event at the animal shelter. He had adopted his little tyrants from that place, and he wanted to keep helping get other dogs, cats, etc. adopted.

   Balt had left Cas’ house last night after the twins had called him and asked him to go back home to talk things out. Cas was happy for the three of them; they were good people and deserve to be happy.

   Cas walked to his bedroom; Tippens and Mrs. Agatha were sleeping together on Tippens’ bed. He smiled softly and tried to be as quiet as possible. Cas went to his dresser and took out a pair of black jeans and a dark blue long sleeve four button Henley tee. He usually wore boots, but during the Texas Summer, he switched those for converse and flip flops when he could get away with it.  

   Dean was still in his mind, a constant thought that drove him nuts. He was feeling his sexual frustration building up like magma inside a volcano.

   Cas jumped in the shower after taking off his running clothes; cool water refreshing his heated skin. He grabbed the soap and started cleaning his body, massaging the overworked muscles. Running usually clears his mind, but for a few days now, thoughts of Dean had been clinging to him; torturing him with things he shouldn’t want.

   Cas got under the shower head, the water pressure massaging his shoulders just right. He closed his eyes and reached for his cock, already rock hard from thoughts of Dean.

“Forgive me, Dean,” Cas murmured, while stroking his cock lazily. He had one hand stroking his dick, and the other massaging his balls. Cas felt guilty and dirty for using Dean like this, objectifying him for his own pleasure, but he couldn’t resist it. Dean had this powerful effect on him that he couldn’t describe.

“Dean, _Dean_ ,” he rasped, tightening the hold on his cock and thumbing at the head.

   Cas groaned in pleasure, squeezing his balls. He licked his lips, shallow breaths intermingling with low moans. He imagined kissing Dean, tongues meeting in an intense battle for dominance; he wins. Sucking Dean’s tongue like it was the most delicious candy. Biting Dean plump, soft lips until they were red and swollen, wet with Cas’ saliva. Nipping at Dean’s collarbones and then sucking at his skin, scarlet bruises blooming like flowers. Hearing Dean says his name in a raspy voice, begging him to touch him, to fuck him with his fingers and pleading for Cas’ dick. And Cas would do it promptly, because Dean begging wantonly must be the sexiest thing on Earth.

Cas could feel his orgasm building; heat like a wildfire pooling low in his belly.

   He pressed his forehead to the tiled wall in front of him, hands moving desperately; cock dripping with water and pre-cum, urgent whimpers heralding his climax.

   Cas was breathing faster, his heart pounding as if wanting to fly out of his chest. He saw Dean’s face; that pretty freckled face flushed with lust and those liquid green eyes, heavy lidded with passion. And he felt like he was drowning; drowning in a sea of pleasures the color of a spring forest.

Cas had to hold himself against the wall, his legs too weak after that explosive orgasm; the proof of his enjoyment going down the drain. He smiled incredulously; his best orgasms had been the ones were he had thought of Dean.

   Cas shook his head, feeling ashamed and dismayed. Now he was convinced that Dean was a siren, and he was, inevitably, at his mercy.


	7. An Awkward Meeting with Unexpected Results~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip to the supermarket can be exciting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends, 
> 
> I am still sick which sucks. I hope you guys are healthy. 
> 
> I have a new beta; she is lovely, patient and overall awesome. Thank you Manda (cuddle-me-Carl) you are my savior lol :)
> 
> Kudos, comments and constructive criticism are always lovely, welcome and appreciated. 
> 
> With nothing else to say, happy reading and enjoy~

The event at the shelter had been successful, as many of the dogs and cats had been adopted by nice people. He was content and a bit proud having been part of such an important cause. Cas felt people should adopt instead of buying their pets at the pet shop because puppy mills were terrible places and would exist as long as people continued using them.

After the success at the shelter, Cas had gone to teach a couple of classes at the dojo since it was opened on Saturdays for a few hours. (He had nothing big planned for the day anyway.) He then met with Gabe for coffee (well, coffee for him because Gabe had ordered this monstrous concoction with too much cream and caramel). He was amazed that Gabe hadn’t developed diabetes; it must be because Kali doesn’t let him buy junk to keep at home. “Gabe you weren’t serious when you said you were going to ask Sam for Dean’ contact information, right?” Cas asked jokingly, but deep down he was flinching at the thought his brother would do such an embarrassing thing. “Who knows, though the twins’ ideas were intriguing?” The look on Gabe’s face was the epitome of mischief, in any other reality Cas was convinced Gabe would be a force to be reckoned with…if he wasn’t already in this one.

Cas’s concern was sparked by the previous night’s dinner. Kali and Gabe had invited Balt, Timothy, Jacob (the three had thankfully reconciled earlier that day), Samandriel and him to their house for dinner last night. She had cooked a delicious dinner, Cas wanted to lick his fingers it was so good. Gabe is not a fan of vegetables but Kali had threatened him with not letting him eat any of the Kulfi (frozen dessert) and he had begrudgingly eaten them.

They all teased Gabe even Kali joked that he loves sweets more than he loves her. It had been a pleasant Friday night until they started getting on Cas’ case about Dean. Timothy and Jacob were especially interested and curious about this new development in Cas’ love life (it wasn’t really a development if he had seen the guy once and didn’t know if he would be seeing him again), but they were interested none the less. “You better get moving and get that piece of fine arse before someone with more bollocks takes him away, darling.” Balthazar said casually, he was always the most straightforward of the family.

Jacob leaned forward in his seat, a glint of mischief in his eyes.

“Do you want me to do a background check on Dean?” His mischief lighting up his features. Jacob is a police officer and Timothy a detective. They are a scary pair together, Cas has no doubt they would unveil all of Dean’s dirty secrets and then some if given the opportunity.

Balt grinned and leaned in to kiss Jacob on the cheek.

Gabe laughed loudly almost spilling wine on his hideous Hawaiian shirt.

Kali smiled devilishly, giving Jacob thumbs up, encouraging his offer.

Cas was dumbfounded, looking at them as if they had gone insane.

“Good idea little brother.” Timothy approved, reaching behind Balt to pat his brother’s head. Balt smiled, bringing his arms around the twin’s waists to squeeze their hips.

Jacob laughed, giving his brother a meaningful look.

“I can follow him around for a day, document his day; who he meets, where he goes---“

“No!” Cas bellowed, surprising himself. He wasn’t one to shout. Poor Samandriel had jumped, startled next to him.

Cas looked at him apologetically.

“Calm down Castiel, they are just trying to help.” Samandriel mediated, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Everybody was looking at him, tension filling the air.

Cas deflated, he sighted and pressed his back against the sofa.

“I am sorry Timothy, I didn’t---“ Timothy gently raised his hand stopping Cas’ apology.

“Hey, don’t worry, I know.” Timothy moved close to him, his hand touching Cas’ arm in reassurance.

Cas smiled at him but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Doing that would be invading his privacy. I can’t let my distrust and fear hurt others.” he drank the last of the Merlot in his glass in one gulp.

“So what are you going to do sweetheart? Let this potentially good relationship slip through your fingers?” Kali gave him a pointed look, one perfectly manicured eyebrow cocked at him in disapproval.

Balt passed him the wine bottle, understanding clear in his pale blue eyes.

Cas nodded in thanks and poured himself more wine.

All eyes were on him, he felt like a bug under a microscope.

Cas closed his eyes for a second and rolled his tense shoulders.

“I don’t know, it is just--- He might not be interested and for all I know he probably has a lover or is straight.” he took another drink.

“Castiel, you know I am not interested in sex and I don’t feel sexual attraction for anybody but that doesn’t mean I don’t notice it in others. Dean is definitely interested if the smoldering looks he was giving you are something to go by.” Samandriel spoke encouragingly.

Cas turned to look at him, smiling softly at his cousin. Samandriel was the most sincere person he has ever met.

“The celibate has spoken! You see Cas, we all agree so stop making excuses.” Gabe blurted loud and obnoxious.

Samandriel rolled his eyes, throwing Gabe a piece of Gouda cheese, hitting him in the shoulder.

“I am asexual, you ass.” Samandriel deadpanned.

“Same shit, no?” Gabe teased.

“Gabe, one day that ignorance is going to get you in deep shit” Jacob announced.

“Whatever hot pants” Gabe retorted.

Kali leaned against him and bit his ear.

Gabe giggled and it wasn’t cute.

“So are you going to go for it Cas?” Timothy pressed.

Cas shrugged. He felt overwhelmed.

Gabe cut in and answered for him, “You know, maybe I should go to the dojo every day until Sam inevitably shows up and just ask him for Dean’s info.” His tone was nonchalant; Cas knew he would do it too if he didn’t stop him.

“You wouldn’t dare.” Cas growled, leveling Gabe with a narrow-eyed look.

Gabe snorted, “Cas, angel bear, you can intimidate everybody else with that look but me. I held you when you were a bun just out of the oven and changed your stinky dirty diapers. So, cut the crap and woman up.” he concluded in the matter-of-fact voice Cas despised a bit.

Everybody was waiting for Cas’s response, amusement painted on their faces.

Cas sighted and shook his head, “Don’t call me angel bear Gabe.” he replied a bit annoyed.

A chorus of laughter soon followed.

_They are all insensitive, meddlesome assholes_ , Cas thought fondly, shaking his head; recalling yesterday’s events as he walked the aisles of the supermarket that was close to his house, gathering things to fill his pantry and fridge for a few days. He had left Gabe at the coffee shop soon after confirming he had no intention of stalking Sam for Dean’s information.

Cas had almost everything from his list, he just needed to get some meat and was ready to go home, cook something easy and catch up with Games of Thrones on Netflix (Balt had got him hooked while he was staying at Cas’s house).

He was walking a bit distracted when he knocked into a very solid body.

Cas was ready to apologize when he looked up at the person and… _Oh my God_ , he thought dumbfounded. He couldn’t believe his eyes or his luck; he couldn’t help thinking that maybe Gabe had set him up. But no, Gabe wouldn’t have had the time to do that and Sam hadn’t been the one bringing Mary Rose to the classes. Gabe had just threatened Cas last night, so it was just not possible. _Things like this only happened in movies or books_ , he told himself.

“Dean?” he husked, feeling nervous and a bit awkward. He had just jerked off to him this morning. Cas felt so ashamed.

_Holy fucking hell_ , Dean thought mouth agape. Dean was never going to get use to the way Cas said his name. Cas, it was _Cas,_ here, right in front of him. He was so close he could smell Cas’s cologne mixed with sweat. This close, he could appreciate those baby blues. _God, those eyes are like powerful magnets; pulling him into a violent ocean of endless blue. They were like siren songs, hypnotizing him like one of those sailors lost at sea. Shit, now he was even waxing poetry about Cas eyes_. He needs to say something or Cas will think he’s a weirdo.

“Hey there Cas” Dean replied, voice tremulous much to his annoyance.

Cas was still counting each dot in that lovely field of freckles that decorated Dean’s cheeks and nose, when he heard Dean’s greeting. He shook his head slightly and blinked, trying to shake the powerful hold his face had on him. Dean looked at him unblinkingly; big green eyes shining like two jade colored pools of water on a sunny day.

Cas cleared his throat, trying hard to get his bearings.

“Hello Dean, what a pleasant surprise to see you again.” he spoke, in a throaty voice full of unabashed delight. Cas had decided here and now not to give into his fear again. _Fuck fear_ , he thought. _I have been a victim of it for far too long and I am done being its little bitch_. Be it as it may, he was ready to live again.

Dean smiled softly. He was acting like such an infatuated teenager. He felt warm from head to toe and it wasn’t because of a fever. _Jesus! Cas had the best voice_. Dean felt so pleased to hear Cas say that; that he almost sighed dreamily. _Even if it is a polite lie_ , the familiar and fucking annoying voice in his head sing songed.

“Um, so you looking for some meat, Cas?” he asked lamely, looking at Cas. He hoped he wasn’t looking at Cas as lustful as he felt. Dean could face palm himself for just saying that, _how stupid he can I be?! Shit! I hope Cas didn’t think it was_ _some kind of euphemism,_ he thought, scratching his neck, mortified.

Cas couldn’t stop looking at those green gems. He smiled at what Dean had said, not mockingly of course, because Dean apparently felt as awkward as Cas did (if the neck scratching and pretty pink flush on his skin was anything to go by). How could a blushing-grown man look so adorable was beyond his comprehension.

Dean was looking at him quizzically, probably because Cas hadn’t responded to his question. A question he couldn’t resist thinking of in a salacious way. But who could blame him? Dean was such an alluring man. And those green eyes were a trap; they had this way of bewitching him with just a glance.

Dean had momentarily forgotten where they were; he couldn’t care less that they were blocking people from reaching the steak. _I could let myself drown in those big blues_ , he caught himself thinking. People must think they were crazy or idiots; looking at each other like they were trying to learn each other. But Cas’ gaze didn’t waver, and neither did Dean’s. It should make him uncomfortable being looked at that way, but he just felt…at peace? _Fuck, he was so weird_.

Cas was very aware of where they were but didn’t give a damn. He wants to talk to Dean in a more intimate place; a place absent prying eyes where he could focus solely on Dean. Cas wants to enjoy his company and ask him most of the questions he has floating in his mind. Plus, he could see many annoyed shoppers from the corner of his eyes glaring at them.

Cas decided to stop being a chicken shit and take the plunge.

“Dean, would you like to have coffee, tea or whatever you want, with me? Today? Right now?” he blurted out, not caring how desperate he sounded.

He saw clearly how Dean was taken a bit by surprise and steeled himself for a rejection.

Dean couldn’t believe it. _Jesus fucking Christ! Had Cas just asked him out?!_ He mentally shook his head. Cas has a man and he didn’t seem like the cheating type; not that Dean would ever consider it, not even if it was Cas. Cas was just being friendly and Dean didn’t care why he was being so nice to him. All that mattered was he was going to spend some time with Cas.

Dean swallowed a bit loudly and nodded dumbly.

_Fuck it all to hell!_ He really couldn’t act like a normal, intelligent person around Cas; all his charm and mellow behavior nowhere to be found. _God he must look like such a dumbass_.

“Ye…yea, yeah, ok.” he stammered. Cas had the power to turn him into a mumbling idiot at the snap of his fingers.

Cas was thrilled but he was trying albeit with much difficulty, to hold in that excitement. Dean had said yes, he couldn’t believe it. He was going out with Dean and will have the opportunity to get to know him better.

Dean broke eye contact, suddenly realizing he was holding a basket full of food that needed to go in the fridge right away.

“But first I need to go home and drop this off.” Dean spoke, lifting his shopping basket.

Cas gave him a lopsided smile.

“Of course, actually me too.” Cas uttered, looking at his own overflowing basket.

They locked gazes again, smiling at each other like two oblivious fools.

Cas really, really wanted to grab Dean by his shirt, and pull him into a kiss that would leave them both breathless and gasping for air. But he knew better; he wasn’t one for kissing or doing anything else for that matter without the person’s consent. His serious attitude on that matter had gotten him plenty of mocking laughs from many of his former lovers. Cas didn’t care though because it was important to him.

“So whe…where are we going?” Dean stuttered, trying to contain his excitement. _Fuck this shit_ , he thought, wincing inwardly. Cas made him stupid and flustered. If his friends knew about this he wouldn’t hear the end of it.

Cas thought for a minute, the index finger of his right hand resting over his lips.

Dean followed the action with his eyes. Cas, thank God, was too distracted thinking; to notice how Dean had licked his lips; hungry and wanting. Those pink fleshy lips looked delectable and Dean remembered his dream that morning. He remembers how those lips had felt; how they had kissed his body tenderly. How they had kissed his mouth thoroughly and sucked on his tongue like a starved man. Dean also remembers how those long and clever fingers teased his entrance and stretched him open gently; fucking him open, oh so slowly.

Dean has to cut it out or his dick will give an R rated show right here on the meat aisle. Junior had already twitched with interest and he didn’t want to freak Cas out. Cas was a potential friend and he was already in a relationship.

Dean kept looking at Cas without bothering to be inconspicuous. Cas’s dark brown hair looked so soft; he just wanted to run his fingers through it and feel its silky texture. _Dammit Dean, you need to stop thinking about Cas like that_ , he chastised himself.

The thing with Cas was that Dean not only felt attracted to him physically; he wanted to know him, ask him why he got into karate, what books and movies he likes, what he enjoys doing in his spare time. He wanted to be friends with him even if he couldn’t have Cas any other way.

“There is this cozy charming café on Walnut Street called…” Cas spoke looking back at him.

“Mama’s Home.” Dean said with a small smile, completing Cas’s sentence.

Cas smiled broadly, pearly whites showing in all their glory. Dean groaned internally.

He wanted to frame that smile and look at it whenever he felt sad, because he really believed Cas’ smile could cure any sickness. _Jesus! He was turning into such a sap_ , he grimaced inwardly.

Cas nodded, “That’s the one. You go there often?” he asked, sounding genuinely interested.

“Yeah dude, actually it’s my favorite place around here. Brittany, the owner, makes this mouthwatering apple pie delicious enough to lick the crumbs from the plate.” Dean replied too enthusiastically, immediately feeling embarrassed, a flush filling his cheeks.

Cas didn’t eat too many sweet things, that was Gabe’s expertise. But for Dean, he was willing to try that apple pie, if only to keep seeing that dazzling smile on his face. _Dean should always smile_ , he thought, _he looks his best when his face is alight with joy_. He chuckled but not mockingly. Cas could tell Dean was a bit embarrassed and he only wanted to see Dean happy and relaxed.

“God, you are adorable.” Cas muttered obliviously, looking at Dean in awe.

Dean’s eyes widened. _Did he hear right? Had Cas just called him adorable?_ He had been called many things before; hot, sexy and handsome amongst other things by most of his former lovers but Cas’ compliment felt sincere not just mere flattery. It is not like it made him happy being called adorable either, he assured himself.

He looked back at Cas through his eyelashes without meaning to. Cas didn’t seem to have realized what he had just said. He looked so composed; while Dean was feeling like a high school boy whose crush had accepted to go with him to prom.

_Lord all Mighty! Dean wasn’t playing fair_ , Cas thought biting down his bottom lip.

Dean noticed and had to fight the need to lick his own lips. _Cas was walking porn_ , Dean was convinced.

Dean probably didn’t realize how tempting and endearing he was when he looked at him that way. _I am screwed_ ; Cas realized, feeling a bit scared. Dean was like a spider, luring him into his web; _and I would go willingly_ he thought. _You will get hurt again, it is better to run now than suffer later_ , a fleeting thought provided. Cas immediately pushed it aside; he had already decided to walk away from his fear. Yet that didn’t mean he wasn’t afraid of giving his heart away only to have it stomped on and shredded.

Dean cleared his throat; the air between had gotten too intense. He could also see Rufus approaching from the corner of his eye. Dean had forgotten he was talking to him before he had been called away to take a call. He could see a million questions on Rufus’ face and Dean didn’t want to answer any, not right now at least.

Cas blinked and straightened, coming out of his reflection.

“So I’ll meet you there at…” Dean trailed off and looked at his watch; “3:30 is that time okay for you Cas?” he asked looking back at him.

“Of course Dean, see you soon.” Cas responded, smiling lazily and walking away.

Dean nodded distractedly and followed Cas’ moving form with his eyes. _Damn_ , he thought licking his lips and tightening his grip on the shopping basket.

“Take a picture it will last longer.” a familiar booming voice said close to him.

Dean jumped; startled by Rufus suddenly showing up. He was too distracted looking at Cas he forgot Rufus was near.

“Do you need a tissue to clean that drool?” Rufus teased, smiling broadly.

“Fuck! Rufus, man you know better not to do that.” Dean said in a tight voice, heart hammering in his chest. He self-consciously cleaned the corners of his mouth with his fingers.

“Sorry, sorry, you okay there boy?” Rufus asked, a bit of concern filtering through his voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine, but I have to go now.” Dean replied looking in the direction Cas had walked off.

Rufus regarded him with a thoughtful look. Dean knew he was itching to ask some questions. Good natured gossip was big in his family.

“Who was that guy? He looked quite intense.” Rufus finally asked nodding after Cas.

Dean straightened and switched the basket to his right hand. He cleared his throat.

“A friend.” he answered briefly. Dean knew Rufus was just concerned but sometimes he felt like everyone treated him like a delicate flower. It made him feel weak and incapable of taking care of himself. He knew that was a very negative way of thinking; he had talked about this with Cecilia before. But Dean had always been a bit self-deprecating much to his mother’s and Sam’s annoyance.

“Uh huh.” replied Rufus, cocking his eyebrows.

“Well, I gotta go, see you later and thanks for the heads up.” Dean cocked his head toward the meat.

Rufus, thank God didn’t pushed for more.

“No problem, see you later Winchester.” Rufus said pleasantly.

Dean hurried to pay; Cas was nowhere to be seen. He has to hurry home and put things away. _You don’t want to be late for a first date_ ; Dean thought and then caught himself. “It is not a date idiot” _,_ he spoke under his breath. Dean was already in the impala, ready to drive home. He needed to get his shit together before he met with Cas. Cas was in a relationship. He was only being nice and offering him friendship, which is fine. Dean wasn’t looking for a lover anyway, he reminded himself.

 ***********************************************************************

Cas was hurriedly putting his groceries away. He wanted to take a quick shower and get into some fresh clothes.

“I am not doing it for Dean.” he said out loud. Tippens and Mrs. Agatha were patiently waiting for some treats near the sink. He looked at them; his little tyrants were looking at him, gaze fixed, heads tilted to the side.

“Guys, don’t judge me okay. I am stinky from sweating my balls off this morning at the shelter. That’s the only reason I am taking a shower before meeting Dean.” Cas kept talking, whilst getting some treats for his judgmental friends.

Tippens barked and Mrs. Agatha meowed, walking to him.

“You guys are awful.” he huffed, giving them the treats.

_Cas buddy, you need to go out and talk to people more often. You’re starting to sound like the typical, crazy cat-dog lady_ , a familiar voice sing songed to him, sounding too much like Gabe’s.

Cas sighed and hurried to his bedroom, taking off his shirt along the way. He didn’t want to make Dean wait.


	8. Trying To Have a Not Date~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the not date~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, 
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I did writing it. 
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> PS: Eternal gratitude to my doll Manda (Cuddle-Me-Carl), she is the best.

Dean stood in front of the mirror for the third time, running his fingers through his short light brown hair. He gave himself a final once over; he looked good, a day old scruff highlighting his jaw, the green of his shirt highlighting the color of his eyes, hair the perfect amount of messy to not look like he spent too much time getting ready for this not date, but he kept the jeans and boots he was wearing this morning. His heart was beat fast, excitement pumped through in his veins. He hurriedly walked to the front door, giving a mournful look to his leather jackets hung nearby; it was too hot now to wear them.

As he walked to the impala a familiar voice called his name.

Impatient green eyes turned to look. Missouri approached him with a worried expression.

“Dean Winchester, are you deaf? I called your name four times. You okay sugar?” her voice softened with endearment.

“Sorry ma’am, I was distracted,” he retorted; as he scratched his neck with an apologetic look in his eyes.

“Mmm, are you sure you are okay?” Missouri insisted, fixing him with a meaningful look.

Dean nodded; “I am fine, you worry too much,” glancing at his watch _, fuck! He only had five minutes to get to the café._

Missouri eyes like magnets followed his every move. Sometimes he really hated being babied so much.

“You seem to be in a hurry. And that’s a different shirt from this morning’, it brings out your eyes.” Missouri’ dark eyes twinkled with curiosity.

Dean’s feet shuffled with impatience, teeth biting his bottom lip. _He doesn’t have time for an interrogation right now_.

“I need to go, see you later ma’am. I’ll get those scones later.” Quickly getting into the impala, her answer lost to his ears.

“Fuck, I am late. Great, Cas is gonna think I’m a unpunctual asshole.” Upset and grumbling under his breath.

*************************************************

Cas was waiting outside of the café, he had arrived ten minutes ago. The sun was high in the sky, its rays merciless during August; endless blue painted the skies, not a cloud in sight. Aviators donned Cas’ face because although the sun’s rays were beautiful, they felt like flaming arrows on his eyes. The shower he had taken earlier was good for naught; as soon as he stepped outside he was drenched with sweat. His grey undershirt stuck to his burning skin; at least his blue short sleeved shirt wasn’t wet, _small blessings_. A worrisome thought crossed his mind. _What if Dean stood him up?_ But before he could drive himself into a spiral of mortification his eyes landed on Dean behind the wheel of a black beauty.

A relieved smile stretched his lips, his lungs letting go of a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Cas walked to Dean’ car, limbs loose and shoulders relaxed. This was happening it wasn’t a dream; he had pinched himself after he walked away from Dean at the supermarket. His joyful heart was pounding at the beat of taiko drums in his chest; excitement bubbling in the pit of his stomach. Dean made him nervous but also intrigued, which caused conflicting emotions in his fearful heart to battle for dominance. Yet, he wasn’t backing down, _no- he was over with letting fear rule his every decision about love_. Not that he was in love, at least not yet.

While Dean unbuckled his seat belt he glanced up and saw Cas walking towards Baby; his heart almost coming out of his chest, because _hot damn, Jesus Christ on a cracker, Cas looked like the personification of sin, sex, and lust_. Dean’s mouth watered instantly, Cas had on a pair of dark aviator style sunglasses that coupled with that fucking two day old scruff made him look sexy as hell. _Fuck me sideways_ , Dean breathed biting his bottom lip.

Cas’s hair was a messy nest of dark brown silky threads, as if he had furiously run his fingers through it all day. It wasn’t like that at the supermarket; Dean had carefully memorized how Cas had looked from top to bottom. He had changed clothes too; Cas had a pair of somewhat tight dark blue jeans that hugged powerful muscular thighs, worn dark brown boots, a grey undershirt, and a blue short sleeved button down shirt that revealed tan skin and well-toned strong arms. Dean groaned quietly. _God, he desperately wanted to run his fingers on those arms and know the feeling of being enveloped in their warmth_.

Cas gracefully took off the aviators, long fingers folding and holding onto them. The look on Cas’ face was so soft; lightning-blue eyes electrifying. A beaming smile graced Cas’ lips and Dean was done for. Tendrils of excitement touched every nerve in his body and junior jumped to attention, _treacherous bastard_.

Suddenly cold hands had to push his rebellious cock down. He swallowed loudly, throat suddenly dry as sand-paper; he wasn’t one to pray but right now he needed some divine help.

_How was he supposed to contain himself? Which fucking deity had he pissed off to punish him like this? Why would God, who is supposed to love everyone, put in front of him a forbidden fruit?_ He was starting to understand Eve _; of course she would eat the fucking apple! Why wouldn’t she? If God didn’t want her and Adam to eat from that damn Tree of the knowledge of good and evil, why the hell did he put it in the middle of the fucking garden?_ Yes, he was blaming God and with good reason. Dean was a famished man and Cas was ambrosia.

As he moved in his seat, the cold steel of his SW1911 9mm pistol caressed his right flank. She was his constant companion nowadays, resting placidly in the dark brown leather holster buckled around his waist. Dean owned her before he met Andrew, Sam and he had gotten their licenses together three years ago. Dean used to leave her at home in his bedroom’s safe box, he didn’t feel the need to carry her around to feel safe. He never told Andrew about it, thank God, otherwise Dean might not be here today.

After the cluster fuck with that son of a bitch happened, Dean only feels safe with her close to him. Dean was debating if he should leave her in the impala but decided against it. He wasn’t taking any chances; the next time he saw that fucker Dean wasn’t going to allow him to have the upper hand. Andrew will come back, of that he was certain and Dean was going to be prepared this time. His body trembled with displeasure, a shock wave of fear almost overwhelming his Cas-induced-excitement, _almost_. But one look at Cas’ brilliant smile and his fear dissipated, the giddy feeling from before filling him wholly.

Sweaty palms made it very difficult to open the door; he had to take a few breaths and think of Bobby naked. _Yeah, that would deflate his dick in a microsecond_. He wiped his hands on his jeans and got out. “Nut up, Winchester.” he murmured under his breath.

Cas’ smile faltered the closer Dean came to him, because now he was utterly convinced that _The Lord was testing him_. Cas mentally patted his back for his formidable self-control. Dean had bowlegs, _Dean had bowlegs,_ he gulped loud enough he was afraid Dean had heard him. Cas hadn’t noticed it before because he was blindly lost in a forest of endless green. _God help him_ , he didn’t think he was going to make it without heavenly assistance. Dean was wearing the same clothes as in the supermarket; except for the dark red button down shirt which made his eyes look impossibly greener. Cas prayed Dean was as beautiful in his soul as he was physically. Of course, he knew nobody was perfect but certain qualities were of extreme importance to him, like honesty, righteousness and loyalty.

“Hello Dean,” he greeted, “I like your car, she is stunning.” A genuine smile curled his soft lips, impatient feet meeting Dean half way.

Dean’s body hummed with the most delicious sensation at Cas’ proximity. His name on Cas’ lips sounded like a benediction. He was addicted to that voice and he hoped Cas was as nice and decent as Dean thought.

“Hi Cas, thank you. That gorgeous girl is my baby, my pride and joy. I maintain her myself.” He preened at Cas’ compliment of Baby, easy smile on his plump lips.

Cas’ smile broadened, a rush of affection for the man in front of him filling his heart. His arms physically itched to embrace Dean, this freckled beauty who spoke of his car like a living thing and smiled like an innocent child.

“You have done an impeccable job with her. I saw a couple of later models of Impalas in a car show in Houston last year and they can’t compare to her. It shows that she is loved.” Sincerity laced his every word, he didn’t know much about classic cars but he wasn’t blind to the work and care Dean poured into his car.

A pretty pink flush spread from Dean’s cheeks to the tips of his ears and down his neck.

Cas groaned internally, lips begging to kiss that blushing tan skin.

Dean couldn’t believe Cas could make him blush so easily; he fought to keep his eyes from breaking eye contact. Yet he couldn’t resist running his fingers through his short hair. Cas was dangerous because he seemed so genuine. Even in this bashful state, pride bloomed in Dean’s chest. Baby was one of his most valuable treasures, she was the apology he never heard from John’s mouth. John had left her at Bobby’s car shop on Dean’s 18th birthday; no written note, no verbal message. Dean understood what he was trying to say and he accepted the gift, but it didn’t mean he forgot how John had behaved and what he did to him.

Dean cleared his throat. “Thanks man, it’s a lot of work but she is worth it. You know a lot about classic cars? What do you drive?” he was curious to know more about Cas and this was a good start; talking about cars always made him feel confident and at ease. Expert eyes scanned the cars parked in front of the impala to see if he could pinpoint Cas’ car; a red 2011 Ford pick-up truck, a silver 2015 BMW 3 series and a dark green 2013 Toyota Prius. Dean really hoped Cas was driving either the pick-up truck or the BMW, _please not the Prius_.

Cas’ big blue eyes moved to the street, Dean following his gaze.

A strong tan arm stretching, elegant long finger pointing at… _ugh_ , Cas had bad taste, at least in cars much to Dean’s disappointment.

_Did Dean just groan at his car?_ Cas whipped his eyes back to Dean’s brilliant green ones, gaze twinkling with unasked questions.

_Shit, did I just groan out loud?_ His shoulders tensing and his heart pounding, looking at Cas. Cas’ facial expression answered his question. He didn’t look mad, even with his arms crossed and eyebrows cocked; the amused smile tugging at his lips contradicting his defensive stance.

“Mr. Winchester, are you by any chance disapproving my choice in vehicle?” Cas teased, amusement evident in his gravelly voice.

Dean chuckled, a joyful sound that lifted Cas’ spirit to unimaginable heights. Dean shook his head, throwing up his hands in mock surrender, Dean’s body visibly relaxed and comfortable. _I could look at you forever and feel like I am flying without wings,_ Cas thought, not a shred of doubt in his heart.

“But a Prius Cas?! Come on, I had higher expectations,” Dean joked smiling broadly, wiping sweat from his forehead with the back of his right hand. _Fuck it was hot! He felt like a chicken roasting in an oven._

Cas rolled his eyes good naturedly, arms falling to his sides. Sweat was trickling down his back and on his neck. He had been too engrossed in Dean to pay attention to the heat.

“Let’s keep talking inside; I don’t think either of us wants to have a heat stroke,” Cas mused and walked toward the café.

“Good idea and I am sorry for making you wait for me out in this sauna,” Dean followed, purposely staying behind a few steps, conspicuously ogling at Cas’ firm ass and sinewy upper back.

“Don’t worry Dean, I wasn’t waiting long and it was my choice to stay outside,” Cas said lightly, right hand reaching for the door knob, a jingling sound signally their arrival as he pulled it open. Cool air touched his sweaty skin like a refreshing kiss and had begun to dry up.

“God, it feels so good in here.” Dean practically moaned closing his eyes in pleasure, oblivious of the effect it had on Cas. Cas’ dick twitched with interest and he couldn’t blame him. Dean’ sensual husky moan could make an old man’s cock come back to life.

They didn’t wait long before a waitress came to greet them. A lovely curly haired young woman approached them with the sweetest smile. Cas came here sometimes, he wasn’t a regular like Dean seem to be, so he didn’t recognize the girl. Cas knew she recognized Dean because as soon as she saw him her big light brown eyes lit up. Cas felt a bit of dread poke his heart, he felt ridiculous. He knew Dean must be popular with both genders and everything in between. After all he seemed very pleasant, respectful and caring not to mention drop dead gorgeous. _What will happen, will happen_ , _no use getting all worked up_ , Cas reminded himself.

Dean smiled broadly, adorable crinkles decorating the corners of his eyes, genuine happiness radiating from him. Cas wanted to memorize that smile and bottle up that happiness, Dean’s joy was touching.

“Dean!” her silvery voice exclaimed effusively, blue skirt flowing violently, arms open wide while running to him. Dean was waiting for her, arms spread to receive the overjoyed woman in a warm embrace. A heavy rock fell on Cas’s stomach, heart beating forlornly while his countenance remained unchanging. Cas had a good poker face or so his family often told him. _It is enough to be Dean’s friend_ , Cas consoled himself.

“Marina, you’re back! How are you feeling? Brittany didn’t tell me you were coming back today,” Dean spoke, voice muffled by the young woman’s abundant ebony hair. The woman, Marina, was probably 5ft. 1in. tall, Dean enveloped her easily; her face was buried in Dean’s chest. Cas wanted to be her, a despicable thread of jealousy swirling in his heart. He immediately destroyed it; those ugly feelings had no place in his heart. Dean was nothing of his and even if he was, jealousy was never a wise friend.

Dean and Marina broke off their embrace, looking at each other with glee. Both forgetting Cas was there, standing next to them.

“I told her not to tell you, I wanted it to be a surprise. We need to catch up but not today. I have tons of pictures to show you,” her eyes turned to meet Cas’, small round face still alight with delight. Cas’ lips stretched in a genuine smile, it didn’t feel forced.

Dean’s gaze set on him, expression apologetic. Cas shoulders lifted in a shrug, he didn’t want Dean to apologize or feel bad for being happy to see his friend.

“Hello, I am so sorry you had to witness my unprofessional behavior,” she said with embarrassment, lowering her eyes to fix her white apron.

“Sorry Cas,” Dean murmured, pretty face sincere.

He shook his head, “Nothing to apologize for, affection is meant to be expressed,” he replied eyes locking with Dean’s for a few seconds and then meeting the girl’s.

Marina looked at Cas with a curious expression he didn’t seem to notice, then at Dean, a knowing smile on her small pink lips.

_Shit, I am that obvious?_ Dean thought, as he evaded her gaze, feet shuffled nervously on the white ceramic floor. He was a private person and didn’t like to feel scrutinized, especially in his personal life.

Dean’s eyes swept the place, it was nearly empty; only four people in two of the round dark wooden tables. It was a cozy place, only ten tables fit almost snuggly. The walls were painted a calming lavender, a few pendant lamps illuminated the place; it gave the feeling of an intimate atmosphere. Brittany kept a handful of potted plants on the counter and throughout the café; it gave it an outdoorsy feeling. The dark wooden chairs were comfortable, gray cushions giving them a homey touch. The walls were decorated with local artists’ paintings; Brittany likes to support local young talents. The café had four large windows framed with simple butter yellow curtains, natural light making the place feel airy.

Marina cleared her throat, interrupting Dean’s observations. Dean’s eyes met Marina’s for a bit and then Cas’ cerulean ones. Cas expression was as serene as usual but Dean noticed certain disquiet in his demeanor.

_Fuck, did Cas regret inviting Dean out already?_ Well, Dean was used to disappointed dates, so… No, Cas wasn’t a date, he was an acquaintance with the potential of a friend. _Cut it out dude, just be cool, you are an adult not a tween,_ he thought, frazzled, clapping his hands and shuffling his feet.

“So, can we sit anywhere?” he asked, trying to break the silence. He didn’t want to risk Cas walking out the door without talking to him first.

Marina nodded, “Sure you can, and you know the drill Dean. I will be with you guys in a sec with the menus,” she answered, looking at Cas with curious big eyes once again.

Cas didn’t feel uncomfortable, his family has made him immune to breaking under scrutiny. _God knows they are experts at extracting whatever information they want out of anyone_ , he thought fondly.

Marina walked to the counter and Dean nodded his head for Cas to follow him. The place wasn’t immense so there weren’t many sitting options. But Dean walked to a corner table next to one of the windows, at a good distance from the other people at the café. Cas walked distractedly, focusing more on Dean’s enticing form than where he was going or where he was looking; he almost ran over one of the other patrons.

“My apologies ma’am,” he murmured, bowing a little and looking into the older lady’s chestnut eyes.

A kind smile greeted him, crinkled chestnut eyes forgiving, “Don’t worry dear, go on and catch up with your handsome friend,” she encouraged sincerely. A small smile curled his dry lips, he thought people in Texas were so friendly compared to the other states he had lived.

Dean was waiting for him, standing by the table and observing the whole exchange with an amused expression touching his face and a cheeky grin stretching his lips. Cas desperately wanted to kiss away Dean’s playful grin; just for the pleasure of touching Dean’s rose-colored lips.

Cas squinted at him jokingly as he made his way towards him. The small shrug Dean gave him was the most endearing thing he has seen in a while. _A grown man shouldn’t be allowed to be this combination of adorable, beautiful, sweet, sexy and charming_ but then Cas reminded himself, _infatuation was foolish and at his age, a double edged sword_.

Dean pulled out a chair for him and he couldn’t help the broad smile that bloom on his lips; add gentlemanly to the growing list of Dean’s good qualities.

“Thank you Dean,” he said, sitting down on the comfortable chair.

“No problem man, I hope that didn’t weird you out,” Dean responded, sitting down, brilliant forest green eyes shyly looking at him.

Cas shook his head, “Nonsense, good manners shouldn’t be directed at a specific gender,” he expressed, his entwined hands resting on the table.

_Jesus! Cas was scoring points faster than Jo at pool_. Dean agreed with his opinion though; he had always treated his lovers with the same respect and good manners, no matter the gender. His mother had always shown them with her example to be respectful, treat people equally and kindly.

Dean was about to respond when Marina’s familiar voice interrupted. He hadn’t noticed her arrival, again too lost in his own thoughts. He has to stop daydreaming if wanted to have an actual intelligent conversation with Cas. Dean was determined to take advantage of this opportunity and talk to Cas peacefully and without distractions.

Cas was already looking at the menu but Dean didn’t have to because he already knew what he wanted. Brittany’s apple pie has been on his mind since yesterday morning. He learned how to make pie from his mother and it was always delicious if he may say so himself. His family always asked for him to bring pie when there was any kind of celebration. But he usually didn’t have the time or energy to make pie from scratch for himself.

“So Dean, while Castiel here looks over the menu, and since I know what you are going to order already, do you want to see pictures of the baby?” Marina asked, beaming at him.

_When did Marina and Cas exchanged names?_ _Shit, I must have space out longer than I thought._ Hopefully Cas didn’t think he was a weirdo. He chanced a glance at Cas, who was looking at the menu intently with the cutest furrowed eyebrows ever. Dean bit his lips to suppress a smile. _Shoot, he had forgotten about Marina and the baby pics_. He immediately looked at her apologetically and she waved her hands, an understanding expression in her soft dark face.

So Marina had a baby, and apparently she and Dean were good friends. Cas tried to give them some sort of privacy, even though he kind of wanted to see the pictures because, _babies_. Cas had always been fond of children, growing up with three older brothers and many cousins he relished the time he get to spend with the younger ones. Samandriel, aunt’s Hester’s only son and his younger cousin, always been attached to him, Cas had no objection to the attachment. He wants children of his own, adoption has always been something he wanted to do. Cas could do it alone but he doesn’t want to; he wants to have a stable partner and raise children together. Curiously, this conversation never came up with Sebastian, he was going through the transition and it was never a good time.

“Wow Marina, she is gorgeous! You and Matt did a very good job making her,” Cas heard Dean tease, but one look at his flecked face revealed his utmost sincerity. Dean’s face showed his true feelings, it was like a mirror into his soul. What Cas saw there left him in awe, wanting to see more of that precious spirit.

“You are too much Dean Winchester,” she giggled, holding her phone like it was a treasure.

Dean shook his head, “Cas look at these pictures and tell me if she isn’t one of the most beautiful things you have ever seen,” he spoke cheerfully, taking Marina’s cell and leaning over to show the pictures to him.

Cas was lost for words, Dean was so maddeningly adorable that he couldn’t speak for a few seconds; he was trying really hard to look at the pictures and not let Dean divert his attention. _You are the most beautiful sight my eyes have had the gratification of seeing_ _in a long time Dean,_ the words swirled in his mind, traveling in an easy dance all the way to his heart. Dear God, Dean smelled delectable; his aroma was purely masculine and simple, a mix of musk, oatmeal and almonds. Cas wants to follow that scent with his tongue wherever it leads him. He breathed through his nose inconspicuously; bathing his soul in Dean’s fragrance and rejoicing in its effect.

Dean and Marina were looking at him expectantly. A broad smile curled his lips, Cas’ gaze met theirs, “She is indeed a very pretty girl just like her mother. What is her name?” Cas stretched his arm, returning the phone to her owner. Dean seemed satisfied with his answer; a pleased expression illuminated his face.

“Thank you Castiel” she spoke softly, eyes glancing down at the table shyly. “My little princess’s name is Ruth, like my grand-mommy,” a fond smile lighted up her brown eyes.

Dean swallowed a chuckle at Marina’s reaction to Cas’ compliment, not mockingly of course. He just felt relieved that he wasn’t the only one incapable of holding it together in front of Cas’ straightforwardness. Dean has never met someone as blunt as Cas and it was refreshing.

“Lovely name, and congratulations on this God given gift; may He bless her always,” Dean heard Cas say, eyebrows almost reaching his hairline. _Fuck, was this going to be a problem?_ Because God and Dean haven’t been in a very good relationship since his mother passed away; and he wasn’t going to fake it for anyone.

“A godly man, I see,” Marina commented cheerily, her eyes glancing at Dean with a meaningful look; more surprised than accusing.

A hearty laugh ripped from Cas’ chest, shoulders shaking and eyes crinkling. Dean looked back at Cas, a bit taken aback like Marina. It was the first time Dean heard Cas laugh and it was… _I am in deep shit, yeah… I am so fucked_ , was all he thought; his body vibrating with such pleasure at the dulcet tones of that melodious laughter.

Cas shook his head, wiping a stray tear from the corner of his right eye. “I am so sorry; I didn’t mean to be rude,” he assured, looking at both of them remorsefully. “I am far from a godly man Marina; I don’t go to a church or temple to worship. I was raised Catholic but I no longer practice; I have issues with many of the beliefs and rules. Plus, I am a pansexual, not many religious communities are welcoming of our identities,” Cas explained mirthlessly, leaving Dean and Marina open-mouthed.

Cas felt at ease and confident explaining himself, he wasn’t going to pretend to be someone he wasn’t. He was still looking at Dean and Marina when they came out of their shock. Their faces didn’t show disapproval or disgust. He was relieved he couldn’t find rejection in Dean’s eyes.

“I prefer to worship in the solitude of my bedroom,” he added, looking down at the table, hands playing with the white linen napkin in front of him.

“Oh, I understand, it is more intimate that way,” Marina easily agreed.

Dean momentarily choked and then couldn’t suppress the dry incessant cough that suddenly overtook him; his cheeks, neck and ears heating up like burning coal.

Cas and Marina looked at him worriedly, Cas moving a bit closer to him. Dean really wanted to breathe in Cas’ smell but the cough attack wasn’t giving him a break. _I am going to hell for being such a pervert and this cough is a punishment_ , his mind provided.

“Are you okay Dean?” Marina asked, reaching for his back and patting it gently.

Dean nodded, cough somewhat subsiding and his throat feeling a bit sore. His fingers reached for his throat and massaged it, breathing carefully to avoid coughing again.

Cas was confused, he didn’t know what had caused Dean to cough so much but he was a bit worried. He had to stay his hands and fight the urge of reaching for Dean’s. Dean was still catching his breath, flush abating. Cas was unsettled because Dean was avoiding his eyes. _Did he say something offensive? Was Dean a religious man and felt offended by Cas’ words?_ Well, he will need to find out when they were finally left alone.

Cas turned his head, eyes locking with Marina, a small smile on his lips, “Will you be so kind to bring Dean a glass of water, please? And I will order whatever Dean is having.”

“Yes, of course…I will be right back with the water,” she answered giving Dean a quick look before leaving.

The look on Cas’ face melted Dean’s heart; he was leaning over the table his left hand very close to Dean’s right one. Dean wanted to reach and take it in his, feel its warmth. He was such a perverted asshole, because when Cas said he worshiped in his bedroom, Dean couldn’t help imagining another much less pure kind of worshiping. Though to be honest, he really didn’t want to picture Cas and his Brit having sex. Dean’s stomach churned at the thought.

“Dean? How are you feeling?” came Cas’ worried gravelly voice.

Dean lifted his eyes, his lips tugging into a smile, “I’m fine Cas something just got in my throat,” he croaked.

“Okay,” Cas whispered, ocean blue eyes searching his face.

“Here’s your water,” Marina set the glass in front of Dean, “you okay now?” she questioned, looking him over.

“I’m fine, it wasn’t a big deal. Go, we don’t want the other customers complaining to Brittany for being neglected,” Dean joked, taking a sip of cool water.

Marina gave him a narrow-eyed look, the playful smile on her lips betraying her; “I will be back in a few minutes with your orders,” she walked back to the kitchen.

_Finally they were alone_. Dean was happy to see Marina and talk to her, but he wanted to actually have a conversation with Cas without interruptions.

Cas pressed his back against the chair, looking more relaxed. Dean followed his example and rested against the chair. _Now what? Should I keep teasing him about his awful choice in cars? Or ask him some of the questions I have? I don’t want to come off as nosy though, but if he invited me here then he wanted to get to know each other, right? This shit is hard…,_ Dean pondered.

Cas spoke first breaking the silence, “This is such a quaint and charming little place, I was glad to find it when I moved back from New York,” eyes moving swiftly around the café.

_Dean wanted to know why he moved back and if he taught karate over there too. He wanted to ask Cas for how long he has been living back here, if he planned to move again, if he liked living in New York._ Yet, he couldn’t muster the courage to do it. _When had he turned into such a wimp?_ He used to be more self-confident before… No, even before Andrew his self-esteem had been suffering blow after blow. He kept attracting the wrong people, always giving everything and being treated like crap in return.

He had turned into a beacon for assholes, and he just got it in his head that he didn’t deserve any better. That’s when he met the worst son of a bitch to cross his path. Dean had met him here at the café. Andrew had been so charming; he knew how to manipulate people with honeyed words, getting them to do as he wanted. At that time Dean didn’t think much of it, he was so hungry for love and attention he didn’t want to see Andrew’s true self. Dean felt lonely, everyone in his family was in a relationship and happy. He wanted that too but Andrew was a sick bastard. Andrew never abused Dean physically, not until the end, but the emotional abuse had been devastating. His words had cut into Dean like obsidian daggers; Andrew’s mind and soul were darker than volcanic glass.

Dean mentally shook his head and gulped down some water to get rid of those thoughts. Andrew wasn’t here and he wasn’t going to let that motherfucker ruin this moment for him. After the attack, Dean almost stopped coming to the café because he associated it with that dipshit. Dean was done letting what happened ruin things for him. He can’t let Andrew keep having power over him. Cas was here, in front of him, an openly pansexual man seemingly nice. A guy who didn’t go to church, just like Dean, that’s a good start for a friendship. Dean moved a bit in his seat, determined to just go for it and break the ice.

Cas decided to let loose and just go for it, he wasn’t going to be shy and wait until Dean started the conversation. Dean looked thoughtful, he could practically see the tension radiate from his body. He had many questions but probably asking them straight out wasn’t the best strategy. Cas needed to make Dean comfortable, break the tension and lighten up the air. He looked out the window and then back at Dean’s lovely green eyes, body straightening in his chair. Cas decide to stop thinking so much and just give it a go.

“So...We already know each other’s names, I know your brother Sam, your sister-in-law Jessica and Mary Rose; you know what I do for a living, I know you love your car and that you dislike mine,” Cas said looking at him teasingly, blue eyes twinkling with humor.

Dean’s lips broadened in a gummy smile, pronounced eye crinkles increasing his allure. He nodded, his fingers tracing the small drops of water on his glass and bright green orbs looking in amusement at Cas.

“Someone is bitter,” Dean joked biting his bottom lip, chin tilting slightly down and lush eyelashes flickering lazily over his cheeks.

Cas’ breath caught in his throat, hands coming to rest on his thighs in fear of giving into his desire to cup Dean’s cheeks and kiss the freckles of off him. _Calm down Cas, Dean might not have reacted negatively to you being pansexual, but that doesn’t mean you should get too close and spook him_ , he half chastised and half reminded himself.

A humorous chuckle fluttered out of his chest, “Hey, that car is ecofriendly and very good on gas… Your baby is certainly gorgeous but she---“

“Tread carefully there Cas, this friendship depends on your next words,” Dean interrupted jokingly, small teasing smile painted on his mellifluous lips and delicate eyebrows cocked.

Cas raised his hands up in mock surrender; amusement shining in those precious blues. “I will say no more about your dark beauty, but I would suggest saying a few things about ourselves to get to know each other better. You can say whatever you want and if a question makes you uncomfortable don’t feel obligated to answer it. What do you think?”

“Sounds good, sort of like twenty questions but without the questions,” came Dean’ immediate response; leaning over and resting his arms on the table. “You wanna start?” he added, grass green eyes setting on Cas’ sky blues.

“No problem,” Cas said, sitting more comfortably on the chair and bringing his hands to rest entwined on the table. “Well…”

“Sorry for the wait guys, here is your apple pie and coffee. Do you need cream for your coffee Castiel?” interrupted Marina, setting the plates and cups on the table. Cas was a tiny bit annoyed at the interruption, but he knew that in a public place it was inevitable.

_Ugh_ , Dean groaned internally. He was getting a bit desperate and he just wanted to talk to Cas and be alone long enough for him to actually learn something about him. _Well, at least now there are no excuses for them to be interrupted._

“No, I am all set, thank you Marina,” he responded, giving her a small smile. Cas didn’t drink his coffee black but he will make the sacrifice just so he can talk to Dean uninterrupted.

“Thanks Mari,” Dean glanced at her before taking a bite from his pie.

Marina left them alone, walking back to check on the other patrons.


	9. Bonding Over Apple Pie~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh my fucking God, Cas was seriously trying to make him cum in his boxers. Dean couldn’t help imagining how Cas would look like taking his dick in his mouth and then licking droplets of cum from those wicked lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey cuties,
> 
> Here is another chapter. I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Happy reading and thank you!
> 
> PS: Many thanks to Manda (Cuddle-me-Carl), she has helped me so much to improve my writing.

Dean swallowed a moan, this apple pie was seriously almost better than sex, _almost_. He really shouldn’t be thinking about _that_ with Cas right in front of him, looking all kinds of hot with his mouth wrapped around the pie filled fork and eyes closed as if in ecstasy. Oh God. Dean was staring and he didn’t care who saw, Cas made eating pie a very sensual thing. He almost dropped his fork and quickly looked elsewhere when Cas opened his eyes. Dean felt like he was burning from the inside out and had to adjust himself in his jeans.

“Wow, this pie is exquisite! You were not exaggerating Dean,” Cas exclaimed, licking some filling from his lips with a very slow and thorough swipe of his evident talented tongue.

_Oh my fucking God_ , Cas was seriously trying to make him cum in his boxers. Dean couldn’t help imagining how Cas would look like taking his dick in his mouth and then licking droplets of cum from those wicked lips. _Abort, abort, and dude you really need to stop now or Cas will think you are a perverted immoral dick. Nope, no, wrong choice of words, no thinking about dicks right now, okay Dean!_

Dean cleared his throat in an attempt to calm himself down. “Yeah, I know my pies and of all the pies I have tried, Brittany’s and my mother’s pies are the best. Well, I guess I can say my pies aren’t too shabby,” he said, taking another forkful of pie, this time unable to hold back his enjoyment. “Oh God, mmm, this filling is so good,” he blurted out loud enough for the other customers to hear and turn to look at him scandalized. Dean froze, _fucking hell, what the fuck was wrong with him?!_ He wanted to bury his head in the ground like an ostrich and stay there until he knew how to act like a normal person. Cas must think he is a disgusting weirdo. He didn’t have the guts to look up at Cas and see how put off he was.

_Oh Lord Jesus, he almost came_ _in his pants_. Dean… fuck, _Dean_ was making it very hard for Cas to control himself. That husky voice, full of pleasure almost did it for him. He is sure he must have scarlet red nail marks on his left thigh from when he grabbed at it to get himself together. But Dean looks so embarrassed and nervous, his body language is screaming with tension. Cas needed to say something to break this awkward moment. He could feel the displeased looks from the other patrons and turned to glare at them. Some people can be so uptight about certain things; God only knows the creepy shit they might be into. Cas decided to continue as if nothing had happened, he wasn’t going to let anything ruin this date. _No, it isn’t a date Cas_ , he admonished himself.

_I should probably just go, tell Cas a half ass excuse. He probably won’t mind, I’ll do it before he can say it himself. Yeah, it is…_

“Dean?”

Dean was brought out of his thoughts by a gravelly quiet voice and the heat of an elegant hand so close to his own on the table. His eyes were set upon their hands, next to each other; so close together Dean could feel the comforting heat radiating from Cas’ hand.

“Dean?” came again the insistent voice.

Dean’s eyes slowly traveled up to meet Cas’, still feeling the flush of his embarrassment. To his surprise he didn’t find a hint of disgust in those sapphire blue jewels. Relief flooded his body, from the crown of his head to the tip of his toes. He wanted to be friends with Cas, there was something about him that called to Dean since the moment they met at the dojo five days ago. Yes, Cas is gorgeous, manly, loves his job and seems like a decent person (Dean believes being nice and polite to people working in the service industry was telltale of a person’s true character). He also has a voice so arousing it can make anyone drop to their knees and pray. Jesus, he can’t forget about those fucking soulful too-blue eyes that speak to Dean in a way he can’t even begin to explain. So yes, he wanted to be friends with Cas. He wanted Cas to be as good as Dean felt he was but he was afraid and awaited disappointment because he knew good things don’t happen to him.

_Lord, please give me strength_. The way Dean looked at him was beyond precious. One look from those green orbs and Dean already has him wrapped around his little finger. _This was insane and ridiculous_ , he mentally shook his head. He was being illogical, totally smitten by this freckled beauty as bright as the sun.

“I have three older brothers, a pair of twins Luke and Michael, and Gabe,” he announced, face unchanged and cut another piece of pie.

Dean relaxed and sighted internally. _Thank fuck Cas just brushed off his faux pas_. He could just hug him right now but better not, don’t want to make things uncomfortable again. So Cas has three older brothers huh? He didn’t look like a little brother. How old is Cas? He wondered.

“That must been fun,” Dean deadpanned, trying to fight a smile and eating another piece of pie, this time keeping his moans to himself.

Cas chuckled, “so much fun. Often times I found myself tied up on my bed courtesy of Luke, pouring what I thought was milk but it was really orange juice on my cereal just because Gabe thought it was funny, and Michael… well he didn’t do childish things like that, he was more of the disciplinarian,” he explained, face a mix of affection and gloom.

Dean knew there was something much more serious causing Cas’ doleful expression than simple sadness for days gone by. But it wasn’t his place to press for more; he didn’t want to make Cas uncomfortable. Dean didn’t want to see sadness marring Cas’ handsome face.

“Wow, they were almost worse than me,” Dean admitted, hand reaching for his cup of black coffee and taking a sip.

“Really?” asked Cas, giving Dean a very cute squinty eyes look.

Dean nodded, smiling with mirth and holding his cup with both hands.

“Ask Sammy, poor dude woke up to hands covered with whipping cream, doodles over his face, salt in his hot coco and one time a tarantula next to his pillow,” Dean bragged, a satisfied smirk on his lips.

Cas laughed, a joyful sound so light Dean was trapped in the moment for as long as it lasted; a smile of his own curling his lips.

“Wow Dean, that’s terrible. You were a little imp, poor Sam,” Cas stated, shaking his head.

Dean took the last piece of pie in his mouth, savoring the last taste of this piece of heaven. “We used to drive our mom crazy,” he murmured, remembering fondly the many times his mother had chastise them both. Thinking of his mother always made his heart hurt, he misses her like no one else. His feelings must have shown on his face because he could feel Cas’ concern gaze on him, _dammit, he was so weak,_ he thought, feeling frustrated.

Cas felt dread at Dean’s downcast expression, it was like a blanket of sorrow suddenly wrapped around his being. Cas felt the necessity to embrace him, to console him and to tell Dean he was there for him, for whatever he needed. But he didn’t do any of it, it was an impulse, it was too soon, too irrational.

“My mother…Mary, she passed away from colon cancer almost nine years ago this September. She was awesome,” Dean added, expression forlorn.

“I am so sorry Dean, it must have been awful. I…I don’t really know what else to say,” Cas confessed, voice dripping with heartfelt feelings.

Dean leaned back against his chair, pushing the empty white plate away from him. He sighted and cleared his throat, looking back at Cas, whose eyes were focused on Dean’s. He didn’t shy away from the attention, he relished in it. It was a rare thing for him to have a person (not counting his family) pay so much attention to him and be interested in his life.

“Don’t worry, it was too long ago…I was 22 and Sam was 18, it was hard but we were lucky to have very good people by our side,” Dean croaked and reached for his glass of water and took a drink. He didn’t want to talk about his mother; it was a topic he didn’t even talk about that much not even with Sam. Seeing his mother die little by little, as cancer consumed her body until she was a shadow of herself, it had caused him mental and emotional trauma Cecilia had told him. Even now he still has nightmares of his mother dying in her bed; the nurses moving her on the bed to try and make her comfortable and seeing her body convulse violently. Dean can’t think of her without feeling like he was drowning and his heart was being shred to pieces. He felt his throat tighten, tears stinging his eyes. Shit, fuck, he felt pathetic. _Cas doesn’t need a friend like you, who needs a loser with mental and emotional issues?!_ _Certainly not Castiel, you should just go before he figures out how fucked up you are_ , Andrew’s voice sing songed in his mind.

Cas was now really worried about Dean. Dean had this haunted, pain etched expression on his face; his pretty green eyes downcast and his body tense, radiating distress. Cas needed to do something, but what?

“Dean? Are you okay?” Cas whispered, right hand moving before he could hold it down. But frankly, he just didn’t care anymore.

Dean felt Cas before he heard him; a soft, big and warm hand gently resting on top of his right hand. The touch felt feather light, a comforting gesture his heart craved. Dean wanted to grab that hand and kiss it, entwine it with his, and draw strength from it, but he didn’t because Cas was someone he just met and he had a lover.

“I am okay Cas, sorry. So, tell me, when did you move back from New York?” Dean asked, avoiding looking Cas in the eyes. He wanted to keep looking at their hands together, praying to any god willing to listen that Cas didn’t take his away.

Cas noticed Dean avoiding his gaze, and then how his own hand was still on top of Dean’. _Shit_ , Dean must feel so uncomfortable. What was he thinking when he let his desires overtake his rationality. Slowly than it was proper, he lifted his hand away from Dean’s, and immediately felt a glacial wind caress his hand, missing Dean’s furnace like hand.

Dean’s heart filled with disappointment; of course his prayer would go unheard, that’s why he had stopped doing it almost nine years ago.

Cas pushed his plate away and sipped his coffee, grimacing at the bitter taste. He heard a soft chuckle and looked at Dean. His face was still looking desolate, but his small laugh looked genuine and Cas was glad.

_Christ, Cas makes the cutest faces_ , Dean thought, feeling some of his grief recede. That really never happened so soon, well, he usually was alone when his memories overtook him.

“What is it Mr. Winchester? Do you have a problem with my dislike for black coffee?” Cas asked straight-faced. “It seems you disapprove some of the things I don’t drink or drive,” he added jokingly, his hands lazily playing with a napkin.

Dean couldn’t contain the broad smile escaping him; he likes Cas’ dry sense of humor, it was refreshing. So Sam was right after all, that moose knew him well.

“Nah man, you like what you like, bad taste and all,” he quipped, crinkled eyes landing on Cas’.

Cas smiled, shaking his head in amusement, “You little shit,” Cas blurted out, immediately regretting it because _who says that to someone they just met?!_ You couldn’t say… his freaked out was interrupted by Dean’s loud and deep guffaw. Dean’s shoulders and torso rocked out of control, hands slapped at his thighs, red-faced and gasping for air. Cas felt such happiness and relieve at Dean’s reaction, it was a pleasure to see and hear Dean this joyous. If he could, Cas would like to bathe in this feeling.

Dean was trying to calm himself, _oh God he hadn’t laugh like that in a long time_. What Cas said was just so unlike him, what with his politeness and fancy words. He himself was taken by surprise by his own reaction. Jeez, he really wanted Cas to stick around. A stray tear fell from his left eye, he wiped it away distractedly. He looked around the café, noticing more customers had come in and _I didn’t even hear the bell ring_. Must be the company making him unaware to anything else, a giddy feeling dancing in his heart.

“Are you done now? Can you even breathe?” Cas teased, an unconvincing scowl on his face making Dean smile broadly again.

“Sorry, sorry, dude. You are just so funny and you can’t blame me for reacting like that. I didn’t peg you for a potty-mouth,” Dean admitted, forest green eyes alight with humor.

Cas straightened in the chair, leaning into the table and rested his elbows on it, hands laced together. Dean automatically did the same, his body moving on its own. Cas had this mischievous look in his eyes that Dean really enjoy.

“Well, that’s because I swear in my head, you wouldn’t want to know what swims in there; it is very, very filthy,” Cas murmured in the most sensual and suggestive way Dean has heard in a long while. Fuck if that didn’t make him hard and itching, cause he totally wanted to hear and see in action what swims in that gorgeous head. He gulped, _no, no Dean, stop it, Cas has a lover!_ Dean really wanted to punch that voice in his head.

Cas felt extremely smug at the look on Dean’s face, a devilish smile painting his lips.

“So let’s continue with the twenty questions without the questions then,” Cas suggested, pressing his back against the chair.

“Yeah,” Dean breathed, having another drink of water. His throat felt very dry and _was it him or it was sweltering in here?_ He thought, adjusting his t-shirt, suddenly needing some ventilation.

“I moved back from New York about a year ago. I was an investment banker for an important company, but after a few years I realized it wasn’t what made my heart sing; as cliché as it might sound,” he declared, licking his lips.

“Wow that sounds like a very fancy job. So karate was more your thing then? Why not do that from the beginning?” Dean much too curious to care how nosy he sounded; it is a big change going from an office job in downtown New York to teach at a martial arts school.

An unreadable expression covered Cas’ face, Dean didn’t like it. Cas’ face wasn’t meant to look other than happy.

“My mother let’s say is very strict and persuasive. I studied what would benefit my family; they have lived here for years but I was born and grew up in Boston. We moved here when I was a teenager, the twins had graduated university and Gabe was starting. I am the youngest so I just went with the flow but as my older brothers started doing what they wanted instead of listening to our mother; I built up the courage and decided to do what made me happy, that and other circumstances. Gabe already had one of the schools opened for a few years and I suggested we become partners. He accepted and we opened another school a few months back. Gabe teaches at the one in Richardson and me at the one in Dallas,” Cas confessed, blue eyes twinkling with glee.

Dean didn’t know what to say; so apparently Cas’ family was rich and his mother was a drill sergeant. How about his dad? Was he in the picture or did he pass away? And what about his other brothers? Gabe seems like the only one he gets along with. And what were those other circumstances Cas mentioned. He wanted to ask all of those questions but didn’t have the guts.

As if reading his mind Cas continued.

“My father is a softhearted man and he doesn’t like conflict, he tried to stand up to my mother for us but you can guess how that went. I didn’t blame him, he is a good father,” Cas defended, smiling fondly.

Dean nodded; he can’t say the same about John; a dead-beat dad, with alcohol issues, a cheater and an abuser. He knew it was useless to hold a grudge against the dead but what John did had clawed him deeply. Sam too, but he had let go of anything John related the day he landed Dean in the hospital; if only Dean was so lucky.

“Michael and Luke are twelve years older than me, I am 34 and Gabe is…,” Cas tilted his head to the side, squinty baby blues thoughtful. Dean wanted to straddle him and kiss him silly because _fuck everything_ , Cas was the most adorable little fucker he has ever seen.

“Thinking about it, Gabe has never said how old he is. The numbers on top of his yearly birthday cakes stopped when he was a teenager I think,” Cas continued, looking back at Dean. “I think not even Kali, his wife knows his age, or his real age anyway,” he chuckled.

“Seems like an interesting dude,” Dean expressed. “Is he the short guy with the sly smile that’s with you in some of the pictures you have at the dojo?” he asked.

“Yes, that’s Gabe. He is the embodiment of a trickster; I swear he was one in a previous life. Yet, he is the best brother I could have asked for,” Cas confessed leaning in closer to Dean, “but don’t tell him I said that or his ego will inflate more than it is already and he will explode,” he added conspiratorially.

Dean gave him a gummy smile; the one that crinkled the corner of his eyes and his favorite Dean-smile. His heart fluttered, Dean was such a charming man, even without meaning to; and Cas thought that was the best part.

“I solemnly promise to never speak of this dangerous secret until the day the Lord had taken me to his presence,” Dean proclaimed straight-faced, but failing miserably to keep the smile out of his voice. “Scouts honor,” he promised, turning his eyes from Cas’ and looking outside to avoid laughing again.

Dean heard Cas chuckled, that sound made his toes curl, it was that good.

“Mr. Winchester, you are a very playful elfish little creature,” Cas pointed out teasingly, drawing symbols with his fingers on the table, eyes on Dean.

Dean looked back at him, glancing down at the table, and then looking back at Cas through those luscious dark eyelashes that drove him crazy. Cas had never felt such strong captivation for another person. It was as if Dean was this seductive enchantress, luring him in with his powerful magic.

“Why, thank you Cas,” Dean retorted winking at him.

_Oh my God, what the hell was this sorcery_?! Cas screamed internally, trying to keep a straight face; he had to reach for his napkin again because otherwise he would claw off skin from his thighs.

They were staring at each other unblinkingly; the sounds of the café falling to the back of their heads. Both were lost in each other’s eyes, like hopeless castaways floating at sea.

_I never want to look away from these blue waters_ , Dean thought as he sighted almost dreamily.

Cas was sure if he didn’t die from sexual frustration, he would definitely die from cuteness overload courtesy of Dean Winchester.

A loud string of laughter from some teenagers at a nearby table snapped them out of the moment.

Dean drank some water to wet his dry throat and lips.

“Now that I have told you a little about myself, it is your turn,” Cas proposed, contentment etched on every feature of his extremely stunning face. Dean wanted to caress Cas’ fleshy lips with the pads of his fingers, they looked so soft.

“Okay,” Dean agreed immediately, elbows resting on the table, hands entwined holding his chin.

“Let’s see…,” Dean said pouting his lips a little, thoughtful expressions on his face.

Cas wanted to lean in and kiss that appetizing mouth; swirl his tongue around Dean’s, bite and suck those rose colored lips until they were red, swollen and wet with his saliva. But he’d have to settle for imagining it.

Dean cast his brilliant moss-green eyes back to Cas’, “I am 31, born January 24, an Aquarius,” he revealed, “you?” he asked curiously.

Cas did the head tilt again that Dean liked. “My zodiac sign? I…don’t know,” was the answer.

“When is your birthday?” Dean asked, more curious to know Cas’ birthday than his sign. _You are so smooth Dean_ , he told himself, a bit smug.

“November 25,” Cas said briefly.

Dean thought for a bit, “Oh, you are a Sagittarius.”

Cas was a bit surprised, “How do you know? Are you into astrology?”

Dean shook his head, “Not really but I have a big family; not blood related but as Bobby, he is like my uncle, says ‘Family don’t end with blood’. Anyway, Pam, the massage therapist at the clinic, is into all that hippie shit,” Dean explained.

“Okay, I understand and your uncle Bobby sounds like a wise man. I too have an eclectic family, the best I that I could have ask for,” Cas confessed sincerely.

Dean smile humorously, “Don’t tell Bobby that or he will explode just like Gabe,” Dean whispered.

Cas smiled softly, “Promise, cross my heart,” he said while he did the motions. “Were you really a scout?” he asked out of curiosity.

“You don’t forget anything, huh? Yes, I was, until I entered high school and I wanted to be cool,” Dean said jokingly, glancing around the café, it was getting crowded.

“Oh, interesting Dean, that means you are handy,” Cas commented.

“Yeah, I have been told I am very good with my hands,” was his answer, biting his tongue at how suggestive it sounded. _Shit, he knows he is flirting but who can fucking blame him?_

“Good to know,” Cas retorted licking his lips unconsciously; the pair of lapis lazuli gemstones piercing into his own until it felt like he was naked essence in front of Cas’ sight.

Dean lowered his gaze, blunt nails scratched the warm skin of his neck and a light pink blush colored his cheeks. Cas, the fucker, is making it nearly impossible for Dean to behave. He hasn’t flirted like this for months. As for Cas, he didn’t know if he was doing it on purpose or was oblivious to what he was doing to Dean.

Cas had always been told his gaze was unnervingly intense. He didn’t do it to intimidate or make people uncomfortable; it was an automatic action so he never paid it any mind. But with Dean, with him it was more than that; Cas felt a strange pull to Dean’s eyes. If the saying was right and eyes are windows to the soul, Dean’s soul was beautiful and Cas was fascinated. Dean of course had gotten uncomfortable; he needs to tone it down a bit. “So you mentioned a clinic, what do you do for a living?”

Dean perked up; he loves his job, his clients, and the people he worked with. “I am a chiropractor, my friend Jo and I opened the clinic three years ago. It’s close to here, about 20 minutes,” he provided cheerfully.

“Impressive, a business owner at such a young age. You must feel proud of yourself Dean,” Cas spoke, unfeigned honesty in his every word.

“Same to you---,” Dean was interrupted by the sound of a cellphone ringing. At first he thought it was his but he remembered to have switched it to vibrate before getting out of the car. Cas looked at him apologetically, and took his cell out of his jeans’ pocket.

“I sorry, I thought I switched it vibrate,” Cas apologized, looking at the screen and ignoring the call.

_God, Balthazar and his bad timing again, and it was only when he was with Dean_. The universe was conspiring against him.

Dean didn’t think much of it and was going to continue the conversation when the cell rang again. He was getting a bit annoyed, though he tried not to show it.

Cas sighed and looked at the phone again, rolling his eyes. _Balthazar again, should he answer it? Shit, I should have turned it off._

“Isn’t your man going to get mad if you don’t answer?” Dean asked almost bitterly; biting his cheek, back against the chair and arms crossed over his chest.

Cas was taken aback and confused by Dean’s words and reaction; he had no idea what Dean meant. _Oh God, don’t tell me Dean thought I_ … his train of thought trailing off as he looked at Dean’s tight-lipped countenance.

Cas was looking at him with this quizzical face that made Dean suspect he made a mistake. _Could he have… no, the guy kissed Cas and he acted like it was the most normal thing, so_ …

“Are you perhaps referring to the older, tall, British man you met at the dojo?”

“Yeah… I thought…I mean he kissed you and you were fine with it so…” Dean felt beyond embarrassed, his feet bounced on the floor.

Cas smiled nervously, fingers running through his messy hair. “No, he is best friends with Gabe and me. Balthazar is just a very affectionate person. He is already in a committed and loving relationship. I could say he is like my brother,” Cas clarified, eyes locked with Dean’s.

_Oh my fucking Christ! I am such a dumbass motherfucker._ Dean wanted to disappear into thin air, right now. The way he accused Cas and the words he used, let’s not forget how defensive his body language must look. He had just assumed shit without thinking it through. Fuck, he had no right to act like that; Cas must feel weirded out by him. Who wouldn’t? _Shit, shit, shit, how do I look at him in the eyes again?!_ Dean decided to just go, spare Cas the trouble of coming up with an excuse to get the hell away from him.

Cas could see clear as day the shame and embarrassment on Dean’s face, and he hated it. He didn’t like seeing Dean brooding, feeling bad for something anyone would have done. Cas was used to Balt’s behavior and personality but that didn’t mean outsiders would understand things. Men in the United States don’t usually go around casually kissing their friends, even if it’s on the cheeks. He wasn’t mad at Dean, not at all. Cas just felt sorry this misunderstanding had happened and lasted for days.

_Okay Dean, get it over with; take out your phone and pretend you got an urgent text, get your wallet out, pay, smile regretfully, go home and binge watch Breaking Bad with the extra-large double chocolate ice cream you bought at the supermarket today. Yeah, that’s a good plan, who needs food anyway?_ He went over the escape plan that was meant to save the smidgen of dignity he had left, when he felt that familiar heat near his hand; He looked up shamefaced and was greeted with the most gentle and soothing gaze he had seen since his mother’s death. Dean felt his throat tighten; he couldn’t speak, just looked at Cas like he was the only person in the world.

“Dean, it is okay. A mistake like this is common, anyone can make it. I am not offended or mad, I would have thought the same thing if I where you. Not many men are so openly affectionate in front of others and when it happens it can be easily misunderstood. So if you like and still want to, I would love to keep talking to you,” Cas concluded, left hand close to Dean’s left hand and his body leaning over the table.

Dean searched his face; he couldn’t find any deception on those earnest eyes. He felt as his body relaxed; his shoulders released the tension that held them hostage and a breath he didn’t realize he was holding floated easily out of his chest. _So he didn’t mess things up then_ , he thought, relieved. _But you will, sooner or later, you always do,_ screamed the voice he hated the most.

Dean gulped and cleared his throat, “Thanks Cas and yeah, I would like to talk to you some more but…,” Dean teared his eyes from Cas’ and looked around the café; the place always got crowded at this time. He glanced at his watch, 5:03pm; they had been here about an hour and a half.

“Is there a problem? Or do you need to go?” Cas asked, feeling a twinge of disappointment; the time he has spent with Dean hasn’t been enough, he yearned for more.

Dean turned to look at Cas in a split-second, shaking his head, “No, I was thinking that…,” Dean trailed off, feeling a bit insecure of what he wanted to ask Cas. Cas didn’t talk, he just waited calmly for Dean to make up his mind. He appreciates Cas’ patience, he didn’t make him feel pressured. _It is now or never Dean; just do it buddy. You won’t lose anything, just feel some disappointment if things don’t go your way_ , he told himself, taking a deep breath.

“Do you want to come over to my house now? I am planning to make lasagna and some garlic bread, and then watch the Jurassic Park trilogy. I want to watch the new one but I figure it’s a good idea to watch the others again,” Dean had said it and now he just had to wait for Cas’ answer. He chanced a glance at Cas, an unreadable expression on his face. _Fuck! Well as least I tried._

Cas could river-dance right now, actually he was doing a very embarrassing victory dance in his head. _Christ! This day keeps getting better_ and Cas was exceedingly grateful to God for this development. Having the opportunity to spend more time with Dean and see him in the intimacy his home was more than Cas could have wished for.

“Yes,” Cas almost shouted and this time he was the one to blush. He lowered his eyes and bit his lips; a smile tugged the corner of his mouth. Good thing the napkin he was playing with was made of linen; otherwise it would be shreds right now.

Dean groaned silently. Cas that handsome asshole was making the cutest motherfucking face. And thank God, Cas said yes to coming home with him. No, no that came out wrong; Cas had accepted to visit him for dinner and movies, like two regular dude friends. Not reading more into it than it was, he wasn’t making _that_ mistake again.

“Cool, so…umm, wanna go now? I have to make the lasagna and it takes a couple of hours to cook. We can watch one of the movies while dinner is cooking,” Dean suggested, eager to get started.

“Yes, of course,” Cas answered and took his wallet out of his jeans’ pocket. Dean was doing the same but he stopped him.

“Dean, I invited you, it is my treat this time,” Cas hurriedly added when Dean gave him a curious look.

“But Cas---,” Dean started to argue.

“Please Dean, let me. After all you are inviting me for dinner and movies,” Cas interjected, big blue eyes pleading.

_How dare you! Cas you little fiend, giving me the puppy eyed look._ Did he learn it from Sam?

“Okay, but next time I pay,” Dean sighed, then realized what he had said, but this time he didn’t find it in him to give any fucks. Cas is single, _Cas is single,_ and he felt like a starving man at a buffet. Dean knew that didn’t mean anything. Cas was pansexual but that didn’t mean Dean was his type. They can be friends, Dean was okay with that. Should Dean tell him he is bi? No, no that isn’t important. If it comes up in a conversation then he will say it, but it is better to keep things simple.

“Deal,” Cas smiled.

Dean saw Marina and waved at her. She had been very busy, it seemed she and Brittany were the only ones here today. Brittany must be in the kitchen, it is weird for her not to come out for a bit and talk to the customers. He should probably go and say hi sometime.

“Hey guys, ready to go?” Marina asked, as she picked up and added their dishes to her tray, in exchange for the receipt on the table.

“Yes and the pie was delectable. I always had the muffins or the scones before, but Dean has introduced me to a new favorite,” Cas expressed. He picked up the receipt and took out some money.

Dean smiled, pleased, he felt giddy.

“My mama will be happy to hear---,”

“Marina Bernadette Peterson, why didn’t you tell me Apple Pie was here? And he is leaving already?!” A lovely short, dark skinned lady with a kind face spoke in a sweet southern drawl and made her way toward them. Cas recognized her as the owner of the café, he had exchanged words with her on his limited visits to the place. Brittany was very friendly; no wonder Marina was so pleasant.

“Uh, oh someone’s in hot water,” Dean sing songed to Marina; jokingly and earned a playful nudge on the shoulder from her. Dean chortled and tilted his head down and shoulders shook with quiet laughter; Cas smiled like a fool just looking at him. Dean was the most brilliant when overtaken with delight.

Marina moved to Cas’ side before her mother got there and while Dean laughed she leaned in to whisper in Cas’ ear, “He is beautiful isn’t he? From his body to his soul, what you see is what you get. Dean deserves to be happy, tread carefully Castiel,” she gave him a knowing look and then looked back at her mother.

Cas was too astounded to say anything, he cast his eyes down on the table, brows furrowing. _Has he been so transparent?_ Cas had always been good at keeping a convincing poker face. _Oh God, had Dean noticed?_ No, no Cas didn’t think so because then Dean wouldn’t have invited him over. Dean acted like his usual pleasant self. _I have to be more careful, but dammit it is hard_.

“Look at what the cat dragged in! I haven’t seen you in forever. Are you cheating on me?” Brittany teased in a silvery voice while she patted his back.

Dean chuckled, “Ma’am I was here last week and I would never dream of cheating on your pie; it’s just been very busy at the clinic.”

“Well that’s good; a lot of work is a blessing from the Father. Now, don’t be sassy with me Apple Pie and don’t get too lost,” she replied, a broad smile on her lips.

Dean liked her a lot; she and Missouri are best friends from the same hometown in Mississippi. She has always been good to him, since the first day they met almost three years ago. Her husband passed away before they moved here; she reminded him of his mother, both hardworking, dedicated to helping others, and raising their own children right.

“I promise,” he said and winked at her. Brittany giggled at the exchange.

Then Dean looked back at Cas, who had been very quiet and hadn’t commented on his nickname. Dean didn’t know him that well but for what he had seen today, Cas liked to tease. Cas wore a thoughtful expression, furrowed eyebrows that shouldn’t look so cute but fuck it, Dean has given up on fighting the sappiness. He wondered what was bothering Cas but Brittany spoke before he did.

“And who is this? A friend of yours Dean?” She questioned turning her attention to Cas who was still lost in thought.

“Cas? You okay buddy?” Dean whispered but Cas didn’t hear him.

Brittany cleared her throat loudly, dark narrow eyes searching for Cas’.

Dean looked at Marina in a silent question but she just shrugged and avoided his eyes. _Did she tell him something? What would get Cas like this?_

Cas startled and looked around the table, big baby blues wide in surprise.

“You okay Cas?” Dean asked again, worried eyes searched Cas’ face.

“Yes, I apologize for my behavior,” he replied as his eyes moved around the table.

“Don’t worry Cas, here, I want to introduce you to Brittany; she is the café owner and Marina’s mom” Dean assured and motioned to the older lady.

“Oh,” Brittany said, realization dawned on her. “I know this young man already, I haven’t seen you in a while,” she said cheerfully, “How have you been honey?” putting her hand on Cas’ shoulder gently.

_Oh, that’s true; Cas had said he comes here sometimes, so of course he had met Brittany._

Cas smiled softly, “I have been well, thank you. And you ma’am?”

Brittany looked at Dean, an impressed look on her face and a knowing smile on her lips. Dean looked away, out the window. _Jesus, I am wearing a neon sign on my forehead or something?_

“I am good. Just running around like a chicken without a head today because one of the boys called out sick. As I told Dean, don’t get so lost sweetie.”

“I won’t and now that I have tried your apple pie I might come in more often,” Cas said glancing at Dean who was looking out the window with a contemplative look.

“Good to hear, but if you can’t come in to get your pie here, tell Dean to bake you one. This boy learned how to bake very well from his mama,” Brittany stated, touching Dean’s shoulder gently.

Cas noticed how Dean’s ears started to get a red tinge, he wanted to follow that blush wherever it spread. Dean was so talented and good with people, such a man won’t be alone for long. The woman who manages to make him fall in love will be so blessed; and Cas already envied her.

“Maybe I should,” Cas answered catching Dean’s lovely eyes.

Dean just looked at him briefly and smiles a bit before standing up from the chair.

“Well, it was good to see you guys, but it’s time to go. I will see you guys later, take care,” Dean said and kissed Brittany and Marina on the cheeks.

Cas got up too and said his goodbyes, not as affectionate as Dean’s because he didn’t know them that well.

“Thank you for the food and the attentive service,” Cas told them before he walked to the door.

Dean watched him go, his eyes swiped over that strong and lithe body.

“God, Dean have some decency, you undressing that boy with that look,” Brittany said and shook her head with a laugh at Dean’s bug eyed expression.

“I like him, Dean. And by your looks you like him more, go get him,” Marina teased, but no less serious.

“You guys are crazy,” Dean tried to wish away his flush and quickly walked away.

Cas waited for him just outside where it was still bright and scorching hot. Poor trees stood with dry branches and flowers already wilted in their planters. Texas summers were unforgiving.

“Hey Cas, so you can just follow me, my house is only ten minutes from here,” Dean proposed as he walked close to Cas.

“Well, I didn’t tell you that I have two pets; a two year old pit-bull and a three year old cat,” Cas explained, feet shuffled beneath him and sweat started to trickle on his temple.

Dean’s mouth opened and closed, a bit confused by the random confession. Cas must have noticed because he quickly clarified.

“Oh sorry, umm, what I meant to say is, is it possible for me to go get my dog and bring him with me to your house? The lady who keeps an eye on them for me goes to sleep around 8 pm. If we are watching those three movies today I will get home very late and---,”

“Cas, it’s okay,” Dean interrupted looking him in the eyes, understanding etched in his pretty freckled face.

“He is trained, so you don’t have to worry about any accidents in the house,” Cas promised.

Dean smiled, “I believe you Cas. Can’t wait to meet the little dude, what’s his name?”

“Tippens,” Cas’ face brightened at the name, a broad smile showing his pearly whites.

Dean couldn’t help but smile too; Cas looked extra cute when he talked about his dog.

“That’s a very fancy name,” Dean commented.

“Thanks, you will love him, he is very sweet.”

_If he is half as sweet as you of course I will_ , Dean thought a small smile crossed his face; He didn’t feel so bad about thoughts like that now that he knew Cas was single.

“I bet, but let me give you my address and get moving before we melt,” Dean said jokingly and took his phone out of the back pocket of his jeans and gave it to Cas.

“Input your number for me, so I can text you,” Dean explained, wiping sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. He felt uncomfortable and disgusting; _maybe I will have time to take a quick shower before Cas comes over_ , he thought and pulled at the collar of his t-shirt.

“Here you go,” Cas said as he returned the phone to Dean.

Dean took the phone and started to type, a few seconds later Cas got a text and took out his phone. He smiled and immediately added Dean to his contact list, then put his phone away.

“So see you in a few then?” Dean asked. He tried not to sound too excited. _Calm down Dean, this is not the first time you are having someone over_ , he scolded himself. _But this is Cas, you have been dreaming about the guy fu_ …, stop it right there! _Fuck, I have problems_. He really needed that cold shower and not only to freshen up.

“Yes Dean, I will be at your house probably in about 25 minutes,” Cas quickly answered, not bothering to tone down his enthusiasm.

“Okay…see you then,” Dean answered gaze locked with Cas’ and taking the impala key out of his pocket but not moving to walk.

“Yes…see you in a bit,” Cas responded still looking at Dean, his legs refused to move.

Cas’ ringing phone broke the moment and he sighed suspecting who it was.

They smiled at each other again and Dean started walking to the impala. Cas stayed in place looking at Dean’s retreating back, _and what a view it was_.

Cas stood there until Dean left and waved at him as he left.

 

Cas dialed back to Balthazar’s phone whilst he walked to his car parked not far away.

As soon as he got in the car, he turned on his Bluetooth.

“Cassie darling, are you okay? I called you like five times,” came Balt’s concerned voice over the speaker.

Castiel felt a bit guilty for not answering the calls but he really didn’t want to waste not even a second of Dean’s company.

“I am fine Balt, are you and everyone else okay?” he asked as he started to drive back home.

“Yes, we are all fine. Why didn’t you answer? Were you sleeping? Or perhaps having a date with your right hand?” asked Balt a teasing tone in his lecherous voice.

Cas rolled his eyes even though he knew Balt couldn’t see him, a smile contradicted his action.

“You know Balt; I think Gabe’s company has had a very bad influence on you. What do Jacob and Timothy think about that?” Cas teased back as he tried to steer the conversation away from his activities of the day.

A hearty laugh boomed through the speaker and resonated in the car, Cas shook his head fondly.

“God forbid I ever start acting like short stack, the twins will kill me in my sleep,” he joked but both knew full well that the twins would always set him straight.

Cas stopped at a red light, only a few minutes away from home. He felt content, a choir of angels sang in his heart.

“They will retrain you again before kicking you to the curve,” Cas said absently, too eager to get home and go back to see Dean.

Balthazar snorted, “You are such a ray of sunshine Cassie,” Balt retorted in a plummy voice that made Cas want to roundhouse kick him. “Anyway, come over today to watch the Ranger’s game. We have been cooking a storm and now have food to feed a tribe,” he continued, now in his not so annoying voice.

Cas was quiet for a few seconds before Balt spoke again.

“Cassie? What in bloody hell is going on? Did that evil cat finally get your tongue?”

Cas got home at last and parked the car out front before he spoke again.

“Nothing is going on and Mrs. Agatha is not evil, she just doesn’t like you or Gabe because you guys are annoying jerks to her,” he leaned back to rest his head for a bit.

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that lad; now, spill the beans,” Balthazar insisted.

Cas sighed, more out of impatience than annoyance. His family knew him too well for his own good.

“You know how I know something is going on, and you are trying to weasel out of telling me? Because not once since we started talking, you have not bitched about me calling you Cassie,” Balt spoke matter-of-factly.

Cas sighed and gave up; it didn’t make sense to deny it. He just didn’t want his family to make a big deal out of this because nothing was going to come out of it, except friendship; which was more than fine.

“I met Dean at the supermarket this morning and then I invited him out for coffee. We spoke for a while and then he invited me to come to his house and---,”

“Well blow me down with a feather!” Balt exclaimed voice like a foghorn.

Cas winced and there it goes.

“That’s abso-bloody-lutely fantastic Cassie! About time you kick caution in the bollocks and went after that arse. So where are you? Don’t tell me you interrupted your date to call me back. Bleeding hell Ca---,”

“Balt, calm down, it is not a big deal okay. We are just friends, kind of. I am home now, came to pick up Tippens. I need to let you go,” Cas interrupted Balt’s rant, opening the door of his car and walking to the house.

“Friends for now that is, and don’t worry I won’t let anyone bother you. Enjoy your date chap, best of British luck!” Balt raved and hung up before Cas could respond.

“It isn’t a date,” Cas mumbled and stared at his black screen.

Cas hurried inside the house and pet his little tyrants for a bit, before going to the bathroom to freshen up a bit. He rang a hand towel under cold water and then dabbed it on his sweaty face, neck, chest and back. He didn’t have time to take a shower so this has to suffice to cool him down.

Afterwards he checked on Mrs. Agatha’s food and water bowls to make sure she had enough of both. Then he put on Tippens leash and in a tote bag put in some dog food, a couple of bowls, his tyrant’s favorite toy (a squeaky pig), and some dog doodie bags. Quickly he got out of the house with Tippens hot on his heels.

As he was getting ready to drive, he felt his cell buzzing non-stop in his pocket. Cas really just wanted to go and get to Dean’s as fast and safely as possible but his curiosity won. He looked at the glowing screen, a string of text messages from everyone in his family.

**Gabe:** “ _U sneaky little bastard, not tellin’ big bro anything. But that’s ok, I understand. Go get that ass; God knows u hungry 4 it ;)”_

**Tim:** _“Don’t forget to drink lots of water; sex is a very strenuous activity. Good luck!”_

**Alfie:** _“Remember always safe sex and have fun.”_

**Kali: “** _Don’t be stingy with the lube and cover little Castiel with a hat :D_ ”

**Jacob: “** _May I suggest the cowgirl position; his ass will love it and your dick will enjoy it.”_

Castiel was not surprised at all; his family was a conglomeration of disturbing people with no sense of decorum or respect for privacy. He chose not to text back, otherwise he would never get to Dean’. Cas set the car in motion and turn the radio on, the sexy music notes of a jazz song filling up the air.


	10. Lasagna, Dinosaurs and Getting to Know Each Other~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean took a deep breath before he opened the door; an attractively sculpted scruffy face greeted his eyes and gorgeous sapphire orbs looking back at him with cheer. Guilt still swirled in his heart, but he pushed it aside and decided to enjoy this fine man in front of him instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,  
> These boy are too much and held me hostage for days. They wanted me to write a very long not date and I was happy to oblige. I hope you enjoy the chapter.
> 
> Kudos, comments, bookmarks and constructive criticism are always welcome. To be honest I need the encouragement, many times I feel inadequate as a writer. Thanks for reading!
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> PS: Thanks again to my lovely beta Manda (Cuddle-me-carl). She is so good to me.

 

Dean’s nervous hands opened the fridge; tremulous fingers grabbed a packet of ground beef, green/red peppers, a red onion and some garlic. He had taken a quick shower and his body feels revitalized. A light pink flush covered his cheeks and neck, his ears bright red. Guilt was poking at his heart and shame made his teeth worried at his plump lips. _God I am such a pervert_ , _how could I do that to Cas? Betraying his trust like that and using him to jerk off in the shower_ , the melodic sound of the doorbell snapped him out of his brooding. Dean set down all the ingredients on the counter; quick feet took him to the front door.

Dean took a deep breath before he opened the door; an attractively sculpted scruffy face greeted his eyes and gorgeous sapphire orbs looking back at him with cheer. Guilt still swirled in his heart, but he pushed it aside and decided to enjoy this fine man in front of him instead. He was about to say something when a low bark pulled his attention from a beautiful face to a very cute one. His lips curled into a happy smile; he bent down a little and stretched his hand so Tippens could smell him. A pair of shiny-yellowish-eyes was looking back at him curiously and a slimy rough tongue licking the back of his hand.

“So this is Tippens huh? He seems as sweet as you said Cas,” Dean declared and straightened up and locked gazes with him again.

Cas beamed at him with pride and it was the cutest fucking thing.

“Thank you Dean,” Cas responded as his right hand reached to adjust an orange tote bag he was carrying.

“Come on in,” Dean nodded and stepped aside for Cas and Tippens to enter.

“Your house is lovely Dean, it gives off a pleasant feeling,” Cas stated and stepped into Dean’s spacious and bright living room. It was a charming two floor cottage style home, painted a sunny butter yellow. It had white columns, trim molding, and railings which brightened it up even more; and dark gray shutters accented the two large windows in front of the house. Two traditional wall lanterns framed a deep red painted door and a well-crafted dark wood porch swing moved lazily by the summer breeze. Multiple potted plants decorated the porch floor as well as some hanging copper planters, making the space look cozy and inviting. Three single dormer windows highlighted the second level; there was also a garage to the left side of the house and a delightfully well-maintained front yard.

“Thanks! It is the house of my dreams, and I was very lucky my offer was accepted over two families offering a bit more money than I did. I guess it pays to have connections,” boasted Dean, pride dripped from every word.

A broad smile broke on Cas’ lips, Dean’s happiness was contagious.

“Let’s walk to the kitchen, we can keep talking there while I get dinner cooking,” Dean said as he walked in front of Cas to the spacious kitchen. Tippens was still on his leash, but his busy eyes took in his new surroundings.  

“You can put your bag on the table and take the leash off that poor fellow; let him move around and sniff to his heart content,” Dean suggested; a broad, strong and well-manicured hand reaching for a simple black apron. _Oh Lord, not an apron_. Cas really didn’t need the images his mind was providing him. _This is torture,_ he thought while he grabbed onto the tote bag’s handles with all his might. Thank God, Dean didn’t notice, he must be too distracted getting things ready.

Ultimately, Cas did as he was told, happy Dean was so welcoming and accommodating. Tippens walked around the kitchen getting familiar with the new place, he walked to Dean and sniffed his sweats. A pretty smile spread on Dean’s lips at Tippens’ action, mossy green eyes sparkled with mirth. Cas’ heart burned with affection at the sight, Dean was becoming one of Cas’ most favorite sights.

“Sorry buddy can’t play with you right now, but when I am done I promise I will give you the belly rub of your life,” Dean husked as he glanced at Tippens.

Cas just stood like a charmed fool next to the dining table; arms resting on his sides and hands itched to get busy lest he would grab Dean’s face and kiss him breathless.

“I can help you, I know my way around the kitchen too,” he spoke, gravelly voice more steady than he felt.

Dean looked up from where he was concentrating cutting some peppers, a suspicious look on his face.

“What? You think I lie Dean Winchester? You doubt me too much, I am offended” he teased and walked to the sink to wash his hands.

A chuckle escaped Dean’s plump lips, the sound sent pleasant chills down Cas’ back; the kitchen towel suffered the consequences, squeezed tightly by eager fingers.

“No reason to be dramatic Cas. Okay, I will trust you; you can be my sous chef,” Dean smiled as he shook his head and moved to get another cutting board and knife.

“I appreciate the vote of confidence, I won’t disappoint you,” he responded confidently, standing next to Dean, side by side shoulders almost touching. It wasn’t like the counter kitchen aisle was small, no, but they just fell into place like that and it felt so right.

_Shit!, This is so crazy, doing this feels so natural that I should be freaking out, but fuck if I care_ , Dean though, expert fingers cutting a red onion. He needed to say something or Cas will hear his galloping heart.

“So Castiel, what is the meaning of your name? I haven’t heard it before,” Dean asked, looking at him from the corner of his eyes.

Castiel sounded so foreign on Dean’s lips, but in a strange way it pleased Cas to hear his full name rolling off of Dean’s tongue.

“My father is a religious man, so he had the privilege, my mother’s words not mine, to name his children. It is one of the few decisions he has made in his marriage,” Cas almost hissed trying to keep his bitterness on the subject at bay. He saw Dean cock his eyebrows but didn’t interrupt. “Michael and Lucifer are twins so my father saw it fitting to name them as such,” Cas continued looking at Dean who was sporting a quizzical look. Cas knew why so he continued, “Yes, Lucifer but he made everyone call him Luke. Then comes Gabriel, the angel--- ”

“In charge of the Annunciation…,” Dean interrupted. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry, and then I guess dad wanted a less known angel name for me, so he named me after the Angel of Thursday or so some lore book he has says. My name actually is an alteration of Cassiel from the Jewish, Christian and Kabbalistic traditions,” he explained, setting the knife aside on the cutting board.

“Wow, that’s a lot of thought in a name. My mom picked mine because she was a fan of James Dean,” Dean supplied looking at Cas with the cockiest smile. Cas wanted to kiss that smile slowly until he heard Dean panting. _Stop it Cas!_

“It is a very fitting name, you certainly inherited the allure that comes with it,” Cas murmured looking at Dean unblinkingly. He was failing miserably at this friendship thing.

Dean might as well wear an oxygen mask every time he is with Cas because fuck, he couldn’t remember how to breathe right. “Thanks Cas,” he coughed, trying to distract himself.

Cas could hear Tippens steps on the hardwood floors, quietly looking at every corner.

“So when did you start practicing karate?”

Cas tilted his head, eyes squinted in thought and Dean was going to lose it if Cas kept doing all these cute things.

Cas licked his lips and Dean just reached for a bowl and started to mix the meat and the ingredients furiously. _Don’t look, don’t think, just cook, goddammit_.

“When I was five, Gabe had already been practicing for a few years. He quit for a couple of years but I kept at it uninterrupted,” he replied as he collected the dirty dishes and started to wash them.

Dean was pleased Cas was feeling comfortable enough to do things without asking for permission.

“Wow, that’s dedication,” Dean commented, putting the meat in the pan and then taking out a pasta pot filling it with water.

“I loved practicing it since the first day. But enough about me, you told me you were a chiropractor and co-owner of a clinic. Tell me more,” Cas encouraged, drying his hands.

The meat was cooking, it wouldn’t take long and the pasta was already almost done. Dean had made the sauce the day before so he just needed to heat it up. He walked to his mom’s turntable and put a Beatles disc to play. Cas was following him with his eyes, enjoying the easiness in which Dean moved around his house.

“I love classic rock, that was my mom’s she left it to me,” he nodded his head to the turntable, a sad little smile on his lips. Cas heart was gripped by a sudden sadness as if Dean’s pain had reached it.

“My memory foam mattress is one of my favorite things, it remembers me,” he winked, _Christ almighty! Dean was fatal._

Cas smiled, Dean was so charming.

“Let’s see what I can offer you to drink… Sorry I don’t have beer man, I don’t drink,” the _anymore_ was left unsaid. Dean must have notice the question in his face because he looked back into the fridge, teeth biting down on a fleshy lip.

“I had a bad experience… I told you I am healing from some injuries right? Well, let’s say I drank some of my pain meds with beer, confusing it was water and it wasn’t pretty,” Dean explained and brought two bottles of Gatorade to the table.

“Oh, I…” Cas gulped, lost for words; he was horrified of what might have happened if Dean didn’t get help in time. “I am sorry and I am glad you are well,” he said holding onto the edge of the counter.

_Crap! He shouldn’t have said anything_.

“It was some time ago, I am fine. So what do you do in your spare time?” Dean questioned, trying to steer the conversation into safer territory. He stretched his arm, handing Cas a Gatorade and gave his thanks. Then Dean walked to the stove and turned both burners off. He then moved the pot with the meat to the counter and Cas put the pasta into the strainer. Letting both cool down a bit before starting to assemble everything together.

“I like to read, I run every day except on Sundays, volunteer at the animal shelter as often as I can, and I enjoy playing with Tippens and Mrs. Agatha,” he tilted the bottle and drank a long gulp, he was so thirsty.

“Wow, so busy. So who’s Mrs. Agatha? Interesting name for a pet by the way,” Dean cocked his head towards the living room and motioned for Cas to follow.

Cas sat down on one of the corners of the comfortable cream colored sectional while Dean got everything set up to watch the movies. Tippens walked toward Cas and sat at his feet, head rubbing at his leg. Cas reached down and caressed his soft ears.

“Mrs. Agatha is my three year old, short hair black cat. I adopted them both at the shelter when I moved a year ago. Tippens is two years old; he was hit by a car and dropped off at the shelter. Nobody wanted to adopt him because he needed special care, but as soon as I saw him he stole my heart and here we are.”

“Wow, that was very kind of you Cas, it mustn’t have been easy,” Dean voiced before he sat close to Cas, reaching for Tippens to pat his head; Tippens moved his head against Dean’s broad hand, enjoying the massage. Dean smiled and after a few seconds straightened and moved a few inches away from Cas. He instantly missed the roaring heat coming from Dean’s body.

The movie started playing but they kept talking. Cas wanted to ask Dean about his injuries, but had noticed how Dean tensed up before. After all, they had just started this friendship and some things were too personal to reveal so soon.

“I believe everyone deserves an opportunity to live a better life. They do more for me than I do for them. Their presence lifts my spirits and they love me unconditionally.”

Dean nodded in understanding, “Who is one of your favorite authors?”

Cas thought for a few seconds, hand still petting Tippens. He noticed Dean’s wide dark wood bookshelf, carefully organized and brimming with books. Cas wanted to go there and see which books Dean kept, but he resisted the urge because it was too soon to cross those boundaries. Bookshelves were like a window into a person’s mind.

“I recently found I enjoy Paulo Coelho, but Oscar Wilde is a longtime favorite. How about you?”

Dean smiled a curious look on his handsome face. “My neighbor Mr. Pascal and I were talking about Coelho a few days ago. I have never read a book of his, but Mr. Pascal recommended one called ‘The Alchemist’, have you read it?”

Cas nodded enthusiastically, “It is a very interesting book, very deep; it makes you think about how you are living your life, and question if playing it safe is only an excuse to not face your fears.”  

“Sounds interesting, I will have to read it and let you know how I like it. But Poe is one of my top five writers; dude is weird as hell but what an amazing story teller,” Dean confessed, turning to look at Cas, a challenging look on his face.

“Why are you making that face Cas? Don’t tell me you don’t like Poe,” Dean’s husky voice a bit suspicious.

Cas’ smile broadened, head shaking, “Poe is also a favorite of mine, I like his distinct approach at story telling. He is so strange, but his tales pull you in and don’t let go until the last word is read.”

A satisfied smile tugged at Dean’s lips, “Good, because I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t like Poe.”

Cas chuckled and Dean followed, a perfect harmony imbuing the air between them.

“I need to go back and finish dinner,” Dean said, breaking the moment as he got up and put a pause on the movie.

They were both almost half way to the kitchen, when the dulcet tones of the doorbell flowed in the air.

“Cas, can you get the door for me please?”

“Sure thing,” Cas replied walking back, Tippens at his side.

When Cas opened the door, a petite dark skinned lady with chocolate clever eyes stood in front of him; holding a square plastic container in her small hands.

“Good evening, ma’am,” Cas greeted pleasantly, easy expression on his face.

“Hello young man, the name is Missouri Moseley,” she spoke in a soft drawl, stretching her hand at Cas.

He took the diminutive hand in his own, both shaking hands firmly.

“Castiel Novak, I am Dean’s friend,” Cas smiled.

As soon as Dean heard Missouri’s voice he winced, _shit!_ He forgot about the scones and now everyone in his family is going to know about Cas’ visit. Dean didn’t want them to know because they will make a big deal about it, Cas being his type and all. He sighed and started walking to the door, spare Cas the interrogation.

“Oh, how nice, it smells delicious in there; Dean is a very good cook. You are lucky to get to eat his cooking,” Missouri voiced as a matter-of-fact.

“Yes, I am impatient to try it, oh how rude of me, do you want to come in?” Cas asked, starting to move aside.

Tippens moved next to him and Missouri’s eyes followed him. “No sweetheart, I don’t want to interrupt and I have things to do,” she replied bending down to let Tippens sniff her hand.

“No, you are not inter----,”

“And what is the name of this handsome fellow,” Missouri interjected, petting Tippens ears gently.

“Tippens,” answered Dean as he walked towards the door, kitchen towel in hand.

Cas stepped aside, letting Dean stand next to him; shoulders almost brushing and personal space practically non-existent.

“What a sophisticated name for such a well behaved boy,” Missouri cooed, petting Tippens one more time before straightening.

“Thank you Mrs. Moseley,” Cas replied looking lovingly at his little tyrant.

Dean was drunk on Cas’s scent, a clean and fresh smell permeating into his nose; it reminded him of the beach on a cool Fall day.

“None of that Castiel, you can call me Missouri,” she chided, waving her hand and stretching her hand giving Dean the container. “Here, enjoy them together and I am expecting a slice of lasagna in return tomorrow,” Missouri added, winking at Dean.

“Thanks ma’am, I will drop it by tomorrow morning,” Dean responded smiling at her.

“Well then, it was a pleasure to meet you Castiel and Tippens too,” she expressed, sweetly.

“The pleasure is mine Missouri,” Cas responded immediately. Missouri’s eyes evaluating him for a second.

Missouri leaned in closer to Dean, “I like this one sugar; he is polite, likes animals, and has a beautifully balanced aura, oh let’s not forget so fine looking,” she whispered, dark eyes giving his a knowing look. Dean coughed nervously, plastic container almost slipping from his hands. _Jesus, I hope Cas didn’t hear that._

Glancing at Cas from the corner of his green eyes, he noticed Cas was quietly watching them; his usual serene face making him look even more dignified. She was right though, Cas gives off a good feeling. Missouri is a sweetheart, but she needs to go now, before her tongue slips even more. As if someone in heaven heard his prayer, the timer he set up for the garlic bread went off.

“Well ma’am, I have to bid you goodbye for now, my garlic bread awaits me.”

Dean heard Cas’ low chuckle and his heart trembled like a sail stricken by strong winds. Cas was like a lightning storm or a tornado, formidable and terrifying but so very beautiful. And Dean was scared, so scared to let himself fly to the stars because he knew he didn’t belong in the skies.

“Don’t let me keep you, go in and enjoy your evening boys. I hope to see you again Castiel and get to know you better,” she concluded giving Cas another long look.

“Likewise,” was Cas’s brief but polite answer.

They waited until Missouri walked back inside her house and then Dean dashed to the kitchen opening the oven and taking the bread out.

“Is the bread okay?” Cas questioned, walking towards him.

“Yeah and the lasagna is ready too,” Dean moved to open the top oven, taking out a very appetizing lasagna.

“Wow Dean it looks scrumptious, it must taste like that as well,” Cas praised, honest blue oceans looking into his’.

“I don’t usually brag Cas but I make an exception for my cooking,” Dean retorted, taking off his chalked striped oven mitts and putting them next to the lasagna pan.

Cas smiled, “Nothing wrong with that, especially if your neighbor praised your cooking as well.”

Dean smiled a bit embarrassed, shaking his head, “Missouri is family; she can come on a bit strong but she means well. If she likes you, you are golden.”

“She is a delightful lady, I like her personality. What else can I do to help?”

“Do you mind eating in the living room while we watch the movies?”

“Of course not, we do as you like. I don’t have a problem with it,” Cas replied without delay, leaning against the counter.

“Okay, then grab some utensils from that drawer,” Dean motioned, walking to the nearby cherry wood cabinet and taking out a couple of rectangular turquoise plates.

“Here Cas, serve yourself first, you are the guest of honor,” Dean joked, a silly smile decorating his face. Cas smiled in kind, heart and body flooded with excitement. Dean was such good company.

Once they were set with food and drinks they walked to the living room and sat down to continue the movie.

Dean was looking at Cas expectantly, wanting to see his reaction to the first bit and Cas didn’t disappoint.

“Oh my God Dean, this is most excellent,” Cas practically moaned, making Dean’s cock twitch happily in his pants. _Fucking dammit Cas, you can’t just do shit like that,_ he thought moving uncomfortably in his seat. Thank fuck for the plate covering his naughty bits.

“Good, good…,” was his dumb answer, his mind was too sexed up to think of anything better to say.

Cas wished he could eat Dean’s cooking every day. Growing up he was used to eating at five star restaurants. And at home eat food prepared by Federico, a Le cordon bleu trained chef; so he knew about palatable food and Dean’s was in par with them.

Tippens had fallen asleep at his feet after having some food and water of his own. They enjoyed the food and the movies in a comfortable companionable silence; exchanging opinions and movie facts here and there.

Dean felt so comfortable with Cas, it felt so peaceful sitting here watching movies and just enjoying his company. He didn’t feel the need to talk nonsense to fill the silence. Cas was a light presence, so soothing to Dean’s internal maelstrom. But even though he was enjoying these moments, his body was tired. A treacherous yawn escaped his mouth and Cas noticed it and smile warmly.

“I think I better go,” Cas said glancing at his cell and then back at Dean. “It is almost midnight, I didn’t even notice when the sun set,” he sounded surprised.

Dean felt his heart deflate, _stupid body, stupid time._ He knew he sounded like a petulant child but only he heard himself so whatever.

They both got up and walked to the kitchen to bring the dishes. Cas insisted in helping to load the dishwasher and Dean let him because he wasn’t going to deny himself more time with Cas.

Cas woke Tippens up and lazily walked to the door.

“I will watch the other movie tomorrow,” Cas promised, walking outside and stopping in front of Dean.

Dean nodded.

“Thank you so much for today, dinner was delectable and your company very enjoyable,” his voice sincere. Dean had decided earlier to memorize every word of praise Cas spoke and repeat them on a loop in his mind.

“I…I am glad you liked it and it was…it was very good for me too,” Dean felt so lame, Cas spoke these fancy words and Dean, well he wasn’t that great.

_Jesus Christ! Dean Winchester, you don’t know the extent of my desire to kiss that precious mouth_. _You don’t know how I long to hug you and pay homage to every part of you. I want to run my lips on every freckled patch of skin and map your body with my fingers._

A tired whine from Tippens brought him out of his contemplation. Cas needs more time with Dean, needs to know more about him. Cas needs and wants Dean, however which way he can have him. And if it was only friendship, then even if it was torture he wanted it because he couldn’t give him up anymore. It was ludicrous to be so smitten in such a short time but some things didn’t make sense and he wasn’t going to question this. So he decided.

“Dean, do you want to go with me to watch Jurassic World tomorrow? Whatever time is good for you, you pick,” Cas blurted, no fucks given at how ardent he sounded.

Dean was shocked to put it mildly. Yeah, he was very, very surprised. Cas wanted to go to the movies with him, he wanted to spend more time with Dean and he felt elated.

“Ye…yeah, okay, umm…,” Dean wanted to punch himself in the face, he was a stuttering mess. “It… it has to be at night though because I have some things to do during the day,” he could barely contain his excitement.

Cas could do the moonwalk right now, that’s how happy he felt. As long as he was with Dean he didn’t care about the time.

“That’s fine with me, text or call me to let me know the time and which movie theater,” Cas quickly replied, a hand steadily holding Tippens leash and the other clenching and unclenching at the tote’s handles.

“Okay, yeah, I’ll do that,” Dean was grateful it was nighttime and his Cas induced blush was concealed at least a bit. His whole body was buzzing with delight, his mind and heart racing with thoughts and new emotions.

“Good night Dean, see you tomorrow,” Cas force himself to move, his legs feeling like lead.

“Good night Cas,” Dean murmured, waving at Cas. _Jesus! He was in deep shit and terrified, but fuck if he cares right now._

They exchange one final look before Cas got in his car and Dean closed his front door; emotions soaring and giving way to new beginnings.

 


	11. ~Too Many Hours Before I see you Again~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas had dreamed of Sebastian and that hadn't happened in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody,  
> Sorry for the long wait :( This chapter is unbeta'd, I did my best to edit it to the best of my abilities. Nevertheless, I hope you can still enjoy it and like it. Kudos and comments are always welcome. Happy reading!  
> Vocabulary:  
> Jaa mata ne~ See you then (In Japanese)~

Cas lay awake on his queen size bed, half naked in his orange boxers; the cold air from the air conditioner making his skin break into a sea of goose bumps. The black and white striped covers have been pushed aside during the night in reckless tossing; fuzzy dreams clouded his mind, some pleasant and others not so much. Cas’s tired eyes were close shut, fighting against the early warm rays of the brilliant sun; he felt a combination of tension and relaxation.

Cas had dreamed of Sebastian and that hadn’t happened in a while. Cas didn’t love him anymore and frankly he didn’t hate him either; his heart didn’t ache and his blood didn’t boil when he thought of him. Sebastian had been lovely and Cas had enjoyed his company while it lasted, but he never felt certainty in their relationship; it had been a whirlwind, everything had happened too soon and so fast. Thinking about it in the comfort of his bed and the intimacy of his bedroom; Sebastian was similar to many first loves, they were intense but never lasted. Cas had been bitter and hurt at first, he had lived with distrust and fear after Sebastian’s betrayal; now he was grateful because he knew himself better and what he wanted out of a romantic relationship. His expectations were higher now because he knows he deserves loyalty, respect, honesty and love. He had been hungry for affection and had settled for scraps; he wasn’t going to make the same mistake again.

A contented smile spread on Cas’s fine lips and he felt a jolt of joy spreading like rapid fire from his dancing soul to his buzzing body. “ _Dean_ ,” he breathed as he brought his hands to his face; Cas couldn’t stop the genuine laughter that bubbled inside his chest and escaped him like a white dove. He felt like an overexcited teenager waiting for the next school day so he could see his crush. The way he was feeling was incomprehensible and didn’t make sense; he felt enraptured like a saint when in religious ecstasy. Cas knew it sounded heretic and if his father heard him, he would chastise him but he couldn’t help how he felt.

Dean was so sweet and transparent, so genuine, nurturing and caring; Cas knew Dean had been in hell that much was clear and he wished he could have been there at that time to pull him out; but if Dean lets him, Cas wants to be there for him from now on; even if it is only as a friend. Cas felt this want and need to protect Dean; even though he knew Dean was more than capable of protecting himself.

Palms uncovered his face and his arms rested once again on his sides; a deep sigh swirled out of his mouth and he felt his shoulders relax. Deep blue sleepy eyes welcomed the morning light that touched every corner of the spacious bedroom; Cas looked around for his little tyrants but didn’t see them; _they must be in the kitchen waiting for me_ , he thought fondly. Cas was sitting up when the deep music notes of Breath from Two Steps From Hell filled the air; a less contented sigh tumbled out of his mouth and he closed his sleepy eyes. He debated for a moment before reaching for his cell resting on the mirrored bedside table; a glance at the alarm clock showed him it was 8:13 am. A hesitant thumb hit the answer button, as blue eyes looked pleadingly heavenward and long fingers ran through his mussy dark hair.

“Good morning mother,” he murmured, voice flat and heavy with sleep as he leaned back against the black leather headboard.

“Castiel, what a miracle that you have deigned to answer my call, after God knows how many calls,” the disembodied honeyed voice from his mother filled his ear. “I shall light a candle and say a few prayers later, thanking the Lord for such favor,” she continued, voice dripping with sarcasm. Cas rolled his eyes so hard he saw white spots, _it is too early for this shit;_ he was often told he inherited his mother’s wit, at least he wasn’t a dictator. Cas loved his mother, he really did; she was strong, clever, determine and decisive but she lacked empathy. His mother wasn’t a bad person; she just thought her decisions were the law because according to her she did everything for the benefit of the family.

Cas swallowed a sigh, bright blue eyes closing shut, “Did you just call to lash out? Because to be honest, I don’t have the energy, time or desire to do this right now,” he declared in a calm voice as he stretched taut long legs on the mattress and played with a loose thread on his boxers.

Naomi delicately cleared her throat, “Castiel, where are your manners? Speaking to your mother in such a disrespectful way; you are beginning to sound more and more like Gabriel and that is not a compliment.”

An unconscious snort got away from Cas, his mother was blind to her own faults.

“What causes such amusement? I can’t remember telling any jokes,” Naomi’s tight voice questioned.

Cas shook his head with impatience; eyes now opened and looking at the oscillating walnut and light cherry ceiling fan. “What do you need mother?” he urged, wanting to end this conversation as soon as possible.

“You have been avoiding my calls for months and only talking to your father; I didn’t raise you to be such an ungrateful child Castiel. I did you a favor by weeding the nefarious out of your life; it is time to grow up and leave that unsavory life style I have kindly forgiven until now. You have a duty to this family; it is time for you to take the responsibilities the name Novak carries,” his mother demanded, a steady voice carrying the poisonous thorny words.

Cas’s stomach churned and a laugh cold as ice made his body shudder. Enough of biting his tongue and holding his words; he hadn’t even reproached his mother when it was revealed she had payed $80,000 to Sebastian to leave him. Cas had just told her to leave him alone and avoided her calls but he was so fucking tired of running away and being the well-behaved boy.

“Why would I want to talk to you Naomi? When all you do is berate me and my choices. Why would I want to answer calls from a tyrant blinded by her own ego? My father accepts me even if he doesn’t understand my choices and that mother that is love. You don’t push people to do or be as you want, you just love them; your goal shouldn’t be to change them but embrace them as they are---,” his tirade was interrupted by his mother accusing voice.

“Castiel, don’t be a child---,”

An impatient left hand clenched and unclenched at his side as his jaw tensed, “No, you don’t get to do this mother; I am not a boy and you didn’t raise me, the nannies and my father did. You don’t get to criticize and stomp on my feelings and diminish my intelligence. I am a 34 year old pansexual man; like it or not this is who I am and I don’t plan to change for you or the Novak name or anyone for that matter. I am grateful to you and father for the comforts and opportunities you have provided me growing up but I am now my own person and I owe it to myself to be and do what make me happy,” he interjected, voice brimming with anger.

“Did you say everything you wanted? You speak as if a dreamer, a foolish idealist with a faulty brain. I thought you were a pragmatic person, more like me,” she replied in her usual dismissive voice; the words, ‘you are like you father’ hanging heavy in the air.

Cas bit into his bottom lip so hard he drew blood, the metallic taste overwhelming his taste buds. He scoffed, shaking his head in contempt, “This has always been your flaw mother, the belief that your word is law and absolute. Before, I might have wanted your approval but now, I don’t care for it. You didn’t have the right to meddle in my life, especially my love life---,”

“Are you still upset about that she-he? Is this why you are acting so rebellious?” Naomi speculated in a mocking tone.

Castiel wanted to hurl something at the wall but he had more control of himself than that; he was a rational man, most of the time. He took a few breaths, eyes closing in quick meditation. “Sebastian is my past, my lesson and this doesn’t have anything to do with him. Also, he is a transsexual and a person just like you and I; so please don’t be so ignorant and cruel Naomi. I thought you were more civilized than this---,” Castiel wanted to run from this and hang up but a mysterious force stayed his hand.

His mother never liked to let others talk, interruptions were her favorite thing. Desperate fingers furiously ran through his hair and he suddenly felt an odd exhaustion wrapped him up in its lazy fingers; _God,_ _I prefer a thousand years of torture to this_ , a fleeting thought crossed his mind.

“I am losing my patience at you disrespecting me Castiel; if you don’t want to be disinherited you better change your ways and speak to me with more respect,” she announced.

Cas burst into a mirthless laughter as he got out of the bed; the cool bamboo floor caressed his feet while he walked to the bedroom’s bay window. Elegant long fingers pushed aside light, white curtains as blue curious eyes took in the bright summer morning, “You earn respect when you give it and I thought you knew by now that I don’t need or want your money. I work very hard mother, at something that fills my soul with felicity and makes me proud,” he hissed as he massaged his temple; patience running low and the telltale of a migraine showing its head.

An unpleasant mocking laughter reached his ears and he stared at his phone, unbelieving.

“Do you think I can respect someone who leaves a respectable job to play karate teacher with his irresponsible brother? Even your father was shocked. Castiel, stop this infantile nonsense and come back home to take your rightful place. You have wasted enough time as it is, stop disgracing yourself and us; we are the gossip of Austin,” his mother’s reprimanding voice spoke.

Castiel wasn’t even hurt by her malicious words anymore; he was so calm he scared himself. Slow steps took him to the mirrored chest next to one of the bedroom windows; pulling the first drawer open and taking a well-worn grey t-shirt out, “You know what mother? I won’t entertain you anymore; it isn’t worth it to waste my energy in this dead ended conversation. I have spoken to father several times and not once have I heard disappointment. Disinherit me, I don’t care; I already have the family I always wanted and then some. Goodbye mother.”

“Castiel James Novak, don’t you dare---,” she bellowed.

“Be well,” he concluded, cutting her off and ending the call.

Castiel let go of a breath he had been holding, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. He felt drained and it wasn’t even 9 am yet; tensed fingers unfurled, releasing the hold on his phone as he set it down on top of the chest. Walking quickly to his bed, he started to make it; he could hear Tippens and Mrs. Agatha’s hurried steps on the bamboo floor and an affectionate smile stretched his dry lips. Cas winced, bringing his right palm to his forehead; he needed to drink a couple of Advil’s before it got any worse. He didn’t want to cancel on Dean, even if he had to drag himself to the movie theater; his heart jumped happily in his chest, a broader smile causing him to wince again. Thinking about Dean made any pain bearable, _God he was so fucked_ ; the door to his room opened and two adorable creatures walked up to him, a couple of cute faces the pictures of contentment looking up at him.

Cas was about to settle down on the floor to pet them, but the ringing of his phone prevented him to do so; at least he knew it wasn’t his mother, this was the tone he set for unknown calls. He hurried to the chest and grabbed his phone, answering it and bringing it to his ear, “Hello,” he answered, walking back to his little tyrants and sitting on the floor. Immediately his thighs became full of a not so small Tippens and an extra affectionate Mrs. Agatha. His eyebrows furrowed, no one had answered his greeting; he glanced at phone screen to make sure the call hadn’t disconnected, “Hello, who’s calling?” he insisted, while petting his furry friends. Again Castiel was greeted with silence and then he heard someone breathe, “If you aren’t going to speak don’t waste my time,” he huffed, quickly hanging up and throwing his phone on the bed.

Sometime passed and Cas was still playing with his little tyrants; the time he spent with them, was healing for him. Suddenly, Tippens got up and Cas knew it was time bring him outside to relieve himself. He hurried to the master bathroom and brushed his teeth and then walked to the chest again and took out a pair of black sweats. He was about to walk out of the bedroom when his cell rang again; Cas knew this ringtone, Gabe had set it up himself; the sensual notes of Fifth Harmony’s Worth It almost making him break into a dance. He liked music in general, no preference and he wasn’t shy about busting a move or two; he was a good dancer or so he was told.

“He---,” his greeting was interrupted by an overexcited voice before he could finish his greeting.

“So how was it? Are you at Dean’s? Did you make him breakfast or did you make it together? Oh, fuck! Am I interrupting morning sex?”

Cas shook his head, an amused smile highlighting his face, “Good morning Gabe, how are you? I am well, thanks for asking,” Cas walked out of his bedroom to the front door and took the leash that hung nearby. He leashed Tippens and lazily walked outside, the refreshing morning breeze ruffling his dark messy strands.

“Yada, yada, yada, enough with the sassiness little bro, spill the beans,” Gabe urged like an overeager child.

Cas smiled fondly, Gabe had never filtered his thoughts or words; he let himself be pulled by Tippens as he enjoyed the pleasant weather. Summer mornings were the most bearable part of the day weather wise because they were delightfully cool. The street was absent cars, Sunday mornings were usually quiet; only the leaves caressed by the light gentle wind and the dulcet tones of the birds melodic symphony graced the air. He felt calm again after the chaos his mother brought into his heart; his migraine still present but in a lighter degree. Breathing fresh air always made him feel renewed; he wasn’t going to allow anybody or anything to ruin this day for him. He had a date, _no, not a date_ ; a meeting with Dean and that was enough to erase any stain from this morning.

“Hellooooo, Earth to Castiel,” Gabe shouted in an annoying nasal voice, causing Cas to wince; _fucking Gabe and his energetic, morning person self._

“Gabe, you are insufferable. Nothing happened okay, Dean and I just talked. We met not even a week ago; I am not going to bed him without knowing him first. Besides, he is straight and we are just friends,” he responded dejected, waiving at his neighbor Mrs. Alexa.

Gabe scoffed, “Did he tell you he is straight?”

Cas thought for a moment, eyes closing against the light; he needed to go back inside and drink those pills, otherwise he was screwed. He started walking back home, pulling gently at Tippens leash; a happy bark and waging tail letting Cas know he was done with his business.

“No, he didn’t but… Gabe people don’t have to go around announcing their sexuality; it is okay being friends, I---,” he was interrupted by an annoying snorting laughter.

“You are going to die of blue balls Cassie; you say you are okay being friends, but how would you feel if Dean gets a girlfriend and gets married? I don’t want to see you at the deep end again, you hear me?!” his brother declared in a serious a voice he had ever heard from him. Cas understood and he was scared shitless because this thing with Dean was making him irrational. He shouldn’t be so reckless, he needs to pull away and…, _and fuck that, no, he who doesn’t risk everything doesn’t win anything;_ He was going to enjoy this happiness while it lasted.

Tippens went straight to his water bowl and Cas went to wash his hands in the sink; Mrs. Agatha meowed and moved around his feet, asking for attention and a gentle smile curled his lips. “Gabe, I will be fine okay, don’t worry. I need to let you go now because I am getting a migraine and I need to drink some pain meds,” Cas tried to sound as confident as he could, he didn’t want to worry his family; he had caused them enough grief when the mess with Sebastian happened.

A sigh escaped from Gabe’s mouth, “Fine, but you better not hide anything from me, you need talk to me alright?! See you at lunch kid and you better be hungry ‘cause Kali is cooking like we are Italian,” he whispered. The only person capable of intimidating Gabe, the seventh degree black belt was his wife; it is as if she was a goddess possessing terrible powers to destroy him.

A chuckle ripped from Cas’ chest; his family ate lunch together every Sunday without fail. It had started when he moved back a year ago; Cas was sure Gabe and the others had planned it to get him out of the house and get him to talk more. When he moved from New York after Sebastian and quitting his job, he was at the lowest point in his life. He used to spend the weekends at home drinking himself unconscious or going to bars and fucking whoever approached him; no, he wasn’t proud of that time of his life and thank God he had enough self-preservation left to use a condom every time.

“My stomach is already rumbling; I can’t wait to see what Kali has in the menu for today. Do you guys need me too bring anything? ” Cas was in front of the medicine cabinet in his bathroom looking for the Advil’s. He will eat some fruit and then drink them; maybe lay down a bit and hopefully feel better by the time he met his family.

“Just bring your empty stomach and be ready to fess up for reals. I am not buying the “only talked” for the whole day bullshit. So, when are you seeing him again? You have to introduce him to me Cassie because---,”

“Gabe, jaa mata ne,” he interrupted and hanged up, smiling albeit his migraine because Gabe was such a mother hen; he has always had his back.

Before he sat down to eat breakfast, Cas stared at his phone for a minute; considering if it was appropriate to text Dean so early in the morning or even before Dean texted him with the meeting information. A hesitant hand grabbed the golden IPhone as eager fingers found Dean’s text from yesterday; before he could talk himself out of it, he typed a quick text and sent it. _You only live once Cas, just let go of the reigns._

******************************************************

Dean had slept like he hadn’t in a long time; he dreamt of sapphire blue eyes, too deep he felt like he was falling in an everlasting spiral of blue. He had gone to sleep almost as soon as Cas had left and woken up early enough to see the sun sit on its throne, high in the cloudless sky. Every muscle in his body felt as relax as they have ever been and his head was clear of its spider webs; Cas’ company had done wonders for him and he yearned for more time with him. Dean had gone to Missouri’s and dropped the promised slice of lasagna; he tried to act like his usual self but of course she had read him as good as the tarot cards she divined for people sometimes. He sighed, remembering the conversation as he rested on his dark wood porch swing; holding a white coffee mug with a moustache printed on it with his right hand and the Paulo Coelho book Mr. Pascal had dropped for him very early that morning. Dean didn’t understand why Mr. Pascal woke up so early, at his age he should be resting more or so he thought.

“Castiel seems like a nice person, where did you meet?” Missouri questioned, curious dark eyes meticulously searching his green ones.

Dean fought the urge to look away; his flip flops covered feet shuffled on the worn-out wooden porch floor and his arms rested crossed on his chest, “Yeah, he…,” Dean had to bite his bottom lip to contain the stupid dreamy sigh that almost escaped him. _God fucking dammit, what the hell is wrong with you Dean Winchester?! You are acting like an idiot_. He quickly glanced to the side and pretended to look very interested in the ugly gnome statue Missouri kept next to some potted plants. Dean could feel Missouri’s heavy sight on him, _shit! He had become ridiculously pathetic and he hated it; maybe Cas would notice how needy and weak he was and get away from him as if running from the plague. Maybe Andrew was right and Dean only inspired pity, maybe---,”_ his thoughts were disrupted by a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Dean, sugar I can practically hear your thoughts and I don’t like them. I am sorry for being such a nosy person; I just wanted to tell you how happy I am that you are starting to let people in your life and in your home again,” her words were as sincere as they come, affection pulling at his galloping heart. Grateful green eyes locked with Missouri’s loving ones and he felt less disgusted with himself.

“Cas is Mary Rose’s karate teacher and I met him last Tuesday; I feel he is a good person,” Dean croaked as he scratched the back of his neck. He couldn’t tell her he was captivated by that gorgeous man he met only a few days ago. Dean couldn’t confess how much peace Cas gives him without even meaning to and he couldn’t speak of the feelings, _yes_ \- feelings growing out of his control and making him want to risk his still healing heart.

“Uh-huh,” she murmured searching his face with a placid smile, “Don’t let the past hold you hostage Dean, good things do happen and I pray you hold on to them,” she mused, a glint of hope illuminating her eyes.

Missouri’s words were a salve to his wounded heart; he needed courage, courage to be himself and live without fear. It will take him time but he already felt like he could let go even if only a little of his lifeline.

“Thanks Missouri, I have to go get breakfast ready; Moose is coming today,” Dean gave her a small smile and she stretched her soft dark hand and pat him on the cheek, smiling sweetly.

“I will see you later at Pam’s, enjoy breakfast with Sam.”

Dean nodded, swift feet carrying him home to get things ready. He had decided last night while Cas talked about his brothers to give Sam a call and invite him over for breakfast; his brother woke up early on Sundays to work on his vegetable garden. Sam had been a bit surprised at hearing his voice but he could hear in his voice how relieve his brother was. Dean missed Sam, they rarely had big fights but his little brother had stroke the wrong chord on Tuesday night; he would forgive and do anything for Sam but his brother dismissing his pain was not one of them. They needed to have an honest talk; he knew it was going to be uncomfortable but it was necessary to repair their relationship.

Dean had been closed off for so many years after his mother died and even more so after Andrew had almost bought him a ticket to the other side, _motherfucker_. Now, after going to therapy for months he was starting to believe speaking about his feelings and not bottling them up was the best for his emotional health. _Yeah, it sounds weak but it has done him so much good_ ; he was done putting up a front of false bravado to cover up his hurt emotions and save his pride. Of course, there were days he felt he was dying inside; other days he felt like poison and a pile of shit but he was trying to find meaning to his life and it was going well. Remembering yesterday reaffirmed that belief; he had felt so comfortable talking, cooking, eating and watching movies with Cas. Cas was like a brilliant jewel and Dean was a Blue Jay searching for shiny treasures.

The sound of the timer from the kitchen pulled him out of his contemplation. His book lay forgotten next to him on the white cushion seat and a sip of his cold coffee made him realize how long he had been zoning out. Dean’s speedy feet took him to the kitchen oven; the heavenly smell of roasted frittata filling up the air. He quickly took it out of the oven and set it on the black marble counter top of the kitchen island. Dean inhaled the savory smell hanging in the air and his eyes fluttered; _you should invite Cas over for breakfast soon and cook this for him, you know he would love it_ , a treacherous thought crossed his mind. Dean shook his head, trying to rid himself of thoughts of Cas; fuck, it was almost impossible, Cas hadn’t left his thoughts since he met him almost a week ago. _Polite, gorgeous, sweet, and smart bastard; how am I supposed to control myself tonight?_

Dean heard a ping from his cell resting on the dark wood dining table and went to check; just one look at the name and he couldn’t avoid the fucking giddy smile tugging at his lips. _Shit_ , Cas had sent him this text almost an hour ago, it was already 10:06 am, he hadn’t heard the phone; he swiped his index finger over the text and his legs instantly became jelly.

** Cas: ** _Good morning Dean, I hope you slept well. Thank you again for yesterday, it was the most pleasant time I have had in a while. Your cooking is in par with my family’s chef and to be honest I prefer yours.I will watch the Jurassic Park movie in a little while. Take care and have a lovely day, see you tonight~_

Dean fucking giggled like a child on Christmas morning; he could punch himself for that but he was alone so the giggle never happened. _Jesus, Cas you are too freaking sweet and I just want to kiss you so hard my lips get imprinted in yours_ , he groaned tapping his cell of his forehead. His heart was no longer pounding, galloping or skipping in his chest- _no_ , his heart was flying frantically out of his body. He sighed, last night he had checked the movie times at the movie theater close to his house; he couldn’t wait, sue him. Expert fingers typed a reply that was quickly erased and rewritten three more times; r _eplying isn’t so fucking hard Dean, just send the damn text_.

** You: ** _Hey Cas, good morning! I slept like a log and you? Don’t praise me so much or I’ll inflate like a hot air balloon. I’m happy you enjoyed my cooking; let me tell you that I make a very good frittata ;) The movie theater on Chapel Hill Blvd is showing Jurassic World at 7:30, is that time good for you? Take care and pet Tippens for me~_

Dean read the text five times before hitting send and even then he felt like he came off too desperate. _Fuck it, okay?_ He sighed, leaning against the kitchen island and nervously licking his plump lips while staring at the text Cas had sent him. The light sound of the doorbell disrupted his brooding, snapping his head up and walking to the front door. He was still holding his cell with his left hand as he opened the door for his brother; his heart was beating a bit fast, he hadn’t gone for such a long time without talking to Sam. They have always gotten along and their ‘fights’, if you could call them that had always been about petty things like; the lame ecofriendly silver car Sam drove or insisting on putting vegetable in lasagna. Dean can admit to being somewhat nervous to see Sam and talk to him after the argument; he opened the door wide and the sight that greeted him made his green eyes go wide.

Sam’s 6`4 form stood in front of him, looking shorter and smaller and not a smidgen the imposing moose of a brother he was used to seeing; guilt and shame exuded from his little brother, gushing like sea foam. He was dressed in a pair of washed out blue jeans, running shoes and a faded dark blue t-shirt; Dean couldn’t stop himself from seeing him as the gangly teenager he grew up with. Dean’s heart clenched and a twinge of pain prickled his heart like a venomous thorn; Dean wasn’t at fault for what happened Tuesday night; he had been in the right to defend himself.

Self-blame was a demon he was fighting against with all his might, it was a harmful and difficult habit to break off. Cecilia still makes him repeat, ‘Not everything that happens is my fault; each person is responsible for their own actions. I can’t take responsibility for the hurtful actions of others,’ a mantra he repeats every morning before getting out of bed.

“Hey Sammy, come on in,” he urged as he stepped aside to let his brother inside.

Sam’s hazel eyes were downcast, avoiding eye contact with Dean’s green ones. Shame painted every feature of his brother’s young face; his shaggy brown hair cascaded on the sides of his face keeping it hidden from Dean. Sam didn’t move, long tense arms rested on his sides as large hands opened and closed nervously.

Dean sighed, pink tongue licking at his lush lips as the fingers of his right hand ran through his soft spiky hair, “Come on dude, you waitin` for a formal written invitation from the Queen of England to come in or what?” he said jokingly, trying to lighten up the stifling mood. Sam’s eyes hesitantly glance at him, a tight lipped smile pulling at his lips. Long legs carried Sam inside the house, then stopping and waiting for Dean before walking to the kitchen.

A soft smile broke on Dean’s lips, his heart feeling slightly lighter. Hearing Cas talk about his eclectic family last night with such undisguised fondness in his voice and sincere affection in his cerulean brilliant eyes had made Dean miss Sam even more. His hurt feelings soothed by the love he knew his brother felt for him; he walked to the kitchen, Sam promptly following behind him like a lost puppy without speaking a word. _Jesus, we really need to get this talk out of the way, otherwise we won’t enjoy the food and there’s no way in hell I’m allowing that_ , he thought as he put his cell in his red sweat pants side pocket. He took a deep breath and settled his eyes upon Sam, who was fidgeting next to the kitchen island.

“Sa---,” Dean was interrupted by Sam’s hoarse voice.

“Dean, I…I am so sorry,” his brother said, looking at him as though a kicked puppy. Dean wanted to go to him and hug him; tell him to forget about what had happened and that it was fine but he knew better, so he stayed put. Both of them needed this apology and to talk openly about this whole thing without beating around the bushes. Dean fought to keep eye contact, he felt the still fresh memories creeping up and he hated them. Andrew that scumbag had robbed him of his birthday, of his peace and sanity and worse, of the easy interactions he used to have with his family; the dipshit had almost robbed him of his haven, his home. Dean was determined to get better and sever the hold that fucker had on him; Andrew was his past and he wasn’t about to allow a shadow to obscure his view of the sun dazzling anymore.

Sam met his gaze, misty hazel eyes looking at him pleadingly and big feet shuffling on the cream ceramic kitchen floors. Dean’s hands rested motionless on the cold marble counter top but his barefooted right foot tapped nervously on the cool floor; gazes remained locked as Sam continue speaking.

“I was so stupid and insensible, spouting shit without a care and just focusing on my feelings. Jess was… is still mad at me and I am pissed at myself too. Dean, I didn’t mean to hurt you and make you feel like crap. I love you so mu…,” Sam’s voice broke at the last word, a sea of bitter tears falling from his bloodshot eyes while shoulders shook in quiet sobs. Dean’s stomach churned whilst an unbearable ache gripped at his heart, _Fuck!_ He was about to walk towards Sam when his brother shook his head and wiped the tears staining his with the back of his trembling hands; he stood rooted in place, understanding Sam intentions.

“I don’t expect you to forget all I said but I know you don’t hate me, right Dean?” his little brother sounded so small and insecure; his voice heavy with emotion. Dean shook his head, trying hard to blink away the tears stinging his mossy green eyes; Sam exhaled and his massive body started to look more relaxed.

Dean glanced down at his spread hands; a sad smile spreading on his lips as he looked up at his gigantic brother, “I…,” he cleared his parched throat, his mouth tasted as if he had eaten mountains of salt. “I could never hate you Sammy; you are my brother and even thought you were an unsympathetic asshole, I forgive you,” he croaked, the corners of his mouth turning up in an affectionate smile at the relief he felt oozing from his brother. “But,” he continued as he straightened and pointed at Sam with the index finger of his right hand; noticing how his brother tensed, “you better listen to Jess next time and you owe me some fish tacos without lettuce,” he concluded, smiling slightly wider.

Sam returned the smile, so wide Dean thought it must be hurting his face; he felt he could breathe a bit easier. Dean was about to speak when Sam spoke hesitantly, not moving from his spot, “Thank you Dean,” Sam sighed, the fingers of his right hand running through his long hair. “I definitely learned my lesson; if mom were here…she would have smacked me upside the head and given me the lecture of my life. You always go too easy on me and I am glad… I am beyond lucky to have you as my big brother and best friend,” Sam admitted, sincerity lacing his every word as feet shuffled uneasily on the floor.

Dean scratched the back of his neck, impatient to move away from this uncomfortable conversation and the eat frittata; its palatable aroma climbing through his nose and making his stomach grumble. He knew how his mother would have reacted but he didn’t want to dwell on things he couldn’t have anymore, “Sammy, enough of the chick-flick moments okay, we are good,” he murmured, glancing at his brother as he opened one of the drawers, taking out a knife to cut the frittata.

Sam nodded and walked closer to the kitchen island; Dean could see his brother wasn’t ready to end this conversation yet and braced himself for what he was about to say. _Fucking shit, I hated this feeling._ Sam played with one of the chalk striped kitchen towels; carefully pondering about how to say whatever he was thinking whilst avoiding upsetting Dean again.

“Dude, what? Spill it because I am starving here,” skillful hands moved quickly, cutting the frittata into squares.

“I didn’t know that… that jerkoff tried to…,” Sam trailed off, large hands clenching into fists and face flushing bright red in anger.

Dean’s hold on the knife handle tighten as he paused what he was doing; jaw clenching with fury and green eyes darkening with murderous thoughts while meeting his brother’s, “Yeah Sam, he tried to rape me, he pissed and spat on me and said a lot of … of shit that fucked me up,” he gritted through clenched teeth; wishing that Andrew was in front of him right now because he would love to plunged the knife he was holding repeatedly into his chest. Dean could feel the darkness bubbling underneath the surface like a deadly poison spreading in his veins. _Shit, fucking hell, this is not good_ , he thought, as Cas’s face crossed his mind; an acrid taste tainting his mouth. How was he supposed to let Cas in his life and enjoy his company; when he felt like a caged monster waiting to go berserk at the mere thought of Andrew?! A feeling of dismay wrapped around his body like a physical thing; he felt as if ropes of barbed wire drenched in acid shrouded him. _Cas will leave, he will see me as the monster I am and leave. Fuck, I don’t need this shit! I want to be happy and enjoy Cas’ friendship._

Sam’s broad hands pounding hard on the marble counter top brought him out of his gloomy thoughts. Dean flinched at the sudden noise, his heart almost pounding out of his chest.

“Fuck, sorry Dean,” Sam spoke looking at him apologetically; he waved his hand and tried to calm down. “If I see that fuckwit again I will kill him,” Sam hissed the determination in his eyes making Dean panic a bit.

“Get in line buddy, that son of a bitch is mine,” Dean pursed his lips, setting the knife in the sink and reaching for a wooden spatula.

“I just can’t believe the police haven’t caught him yet. He could be doing what he did to you to someone else,” his little brother huffed, shaking his head in indignation.

A loud sigh escaped Dean, _this conversation ends now_ , “Well, he has friends in high places and a lot of money so I am not surprised. But enough of that motherfucker Sammy, let eat before this work of art gets cold,” pointing at the frittata and looking at it like he was in love.

Sam snorted an amused look etched on his more relaxed face, “Do you need help?”

“Yeah, thanks, do you want to eat here or out in the patio? I bought new patio furniture,” Dean announced excitedly, smiling like a kid with a new toy. Sam’s heart melted, his big brother needed more happiness in his life, “Outside is fine, the temperature is perfect and I want to see the new furniture,” he grinned while shaking his head with affection.

“Okay, then get that wooden tray” he nodded toward the counter behind him, “take out two plates, glasses and some flatware. I made a fruit salad, so no bitching about how I don’t eat healthy,” he spoke as he took out the green bowl with the salad and settle it down on another wooden tray with the frittata and a pitcher of orange juice he had made earlier.

“Fine, I won’t bitch anyway because I can also smell the arugula you put in the frittata. Should I get the linen napkins or a couple of Bounty’s?” Sam was carrying the tray in one arm, waiting for Dean’s response; his eyes wandering around the kitchen and landing on a pair of gray striped linen napkins Dean had just hand-washed this morning. _Fuck!_

Sam’s eyebrows furrow and looked at him quizzically, “Did you had company yesterday?”

Dean scratched the back of his neck as a blush crept from his neck to his cheeks; green eyes glancing away.

“Oh my God, you did! Who was it? Come on tell me,” Sam was being an obnoxious little shit; hazel eyes looking at him expectant.

Dean cleared his throat, white teeth biting down on his bottom lip, “Yeah…umm, well…shit! Fuck it, Missouri will announce it anyway,” he sighed, noticing how his brother perked up; his family was something else. “I invited Cas to have dinner and watch some movies with me last night; after we met at Brittany’s.”

Dean would laugh at Sam’s comical expression if he wasn’t so hungry and kinda irritated. If he had a chance in hell with Cas, he would be fucking throwing a party right now; but that wasn’t the case so, “Close your mouth Sammy, a fly might get in and move it, I am hungry,” Dean walked outside to the patio; a cool breeze kissing his warm skin and ruffling his hair, cooling his heated cheeks.

As he and Sam were setting the food on the patio umbrella table; he couldn’t avoid noticing his brother’s satisfied smile. “What Sam? You’re smiling like the cat that got the cream. It is not a big deal okay, I can have male friends without wanting to sleep with them,” he murmured as he sat on the white cushion of the light wood chair; the white umbrella softening the brilliant sunrays of the sun filtering through.

Sam settled on a chair close by, giving him a knowing look. “Fucking know-it-all-little brothers,” he gripped, causing his brother to bark a laugh.

“He is your type, well your other type,” he quickly corrected, eating a piece of strawberry, “and you should look at your face when you mention or someone mentions his name. He is a good guy Dean,” Sam concluded as a matter-of-fact.

He looked at Sam suspiciously, pointing at him with his fork, “I don’t look like anything,” he defended.

“Uh-huh, I will lend you a mirror next time.”

“Whatever, but how do you know he is a good guy? You sound so sure,” Dean brought a piece of frittata to his mouth, barely containing a moan; it made him remember yesterday at the café and how ridiculously sweet Cas had been.

“Well, I am a lawyer and have some friends at the police station, so…” Sam shrugged, bringing a piece of cantaloupe to his mouth.

Dean couldn’t believe it, his mouth was opening and closing like a fish out of the water, “You did a background check on Cas? What the hell Sammy?!” Dean was outraged, that was too much.

“Calm down man, I needed to make sure my daughter wasn’t going to be taught by a sexual predator; Cas is clean as a whistle just like the other people who work there. He gave off a good vibe, I liked him from the beginning,” Sam brought a forkful of frittata to his mouth and he definitely didn’t have the decency to hold in his appreciative moan.

“Okay, that’s a good reason but we are only friends Sammy, nothing more, so chill,” he felt his cell vibrate and a ping alerted him of a new text. Dean’s heart leaped in his chest, _fucking Cas! No, no, no don’t think of that Dean, dammit!_

Sam was smiling like the Cheshire cat, _little fucker_ , “Aren’t you going to answer that?” he questioned while pointing at the cell in Dean’s pocket with his fork. “So what did you cook? I bet he was sold from the first bite. Are you going to see him again?” his little brother let his mouth run with unabashed excitement or more like a derailed train, _nosy people_.

Dean took out his cell from his sweat pants’ pocket; his heart pounding in a crazy unsynchronized rhythm as he looked at the text.

** Cas:  ** _Hello Dean, I slept well, thank you for asking; I am glad you slept so well. You have the right to inflate like a hot air balloon because you are an excellent cook and I would love to try your frittata. I petted Tippens for you, he was very happy; he likes you a lot. The time works for me, see you there at 7:30. Enjoy your day ~_

He could put on a pair of ice skates and do fucking triple axels jumps right now, that’s how happy he felt. He didn’t even notice the wide smile spreading on his lips; momentarily forgetting about his brother until the little asshole spoke.

“Wow, oh my God Dean, you are so into him and it hasn’t even been a week,” Sam teased good naturedly as he took the glass of orange juice to his grinning lips.

“Whatever Sammy,” he had to cool down and the breeze wasn’t doing it, so he drank some of the orange juice in hopes it would help.

“Aren’t you going to reply?” Sam insisted, a teasing look setting heavily on Dean.

Dean bit his bottom lip considering it for a moment; he wanted to do it when he was alone because then he could take his time writing back. _Fucking Christ, when did I turn into such a teenager?!_

“In a bit and mind your own beeswax, you Moose,” was his immediate response whilst patting his contented and full belly. _Cas wants to try my frittata, is it too soon if I invite him over again tomorrow morning? I can wake up early and---,”_

An annoying chuckle disrupted his thoughts, “Are you seeing him again?” Sam looked at him with the softest look in his eyes.

A sigh broke away from Dean as smooth fingers ran through his hair, “Yeah…tonight actually, were going to see Jurassic World,” he mumbled, looking at his brother from the corner of his eyes and noticing his goofy grin, “as dude friends, you big moose, so tone down the creepy grin,” he added in feign annoyance but deep down he was walking on water.

“Dude friends, okay, no homo then,” Sam teased with a smile so wide it could rival the Cheshire cat, “Dean and Cas sitting on a tree...,” sing songed the giant asshole while making kissy faces, satisfaction etched on every inch of his face.

“Shut up Sammy,” a small piece of watermelon hitting Sam on his broad forehead as Dean began to type a text.

A booming laughter filled the air, breaking the melodic singing of the birds nearby.

****************************************

“Kali, you outdid yourself again, the food was delicious,” Castiel praised while helping her put the dishes in the dishwasher.

“Thank you handsome, but was it as good as Dean’s cooking last night?” a teasing smile illuminating her lovely face with mischief.

“Yeah Cassie, fess up laddie, we left you alone during lunch,” Balthazar was sitting at the kitchen island drinking some ale, flanked by Timothy and Jacob who were both sporting devilish grins.

“Don’t call me that and again nothing happen, okay; you are like a bunch of kindergarteners. We just ate dinner and watched movies; not everything has to be about sex you know,” Cas retorted putting the last dish in the dishwasher and then closing it.

“You are so boring Cassie, so uptight, you need to relax more,” Gabe pointed out as he ate a spoonful of tiramisu.

Cas rolled his eyes, settling the red kitchen towel on the gray marble counter top, “Says the one who accused me the other day of being a promiscuous whore for having one night stands a few months ago,” he gibed, regretting it as soon as it rolled out of his mouth; a wince made Gabe’s face crumple. “Sorry Gabe, I---,” he trailed off not knowing what to say; what he said was the truth though but he shouldn’t have thrown it on his brother’s face like that.

Everyone was staring at them as if they were watching the most interesting soap opera on television; _fuck, I need to learn how to control my tongue_.

Gabe waived his hands, face resigned, “I deserved that one, I was an asshole and you were in a bad place. Forget about it and let us hear about last night; tell me there was at least a kiss.”

Cas sighed, apparently his family had selective hearing. He pulled one of the dark leather kitchen stools and sat; resting his elbows on the cold marble and settling his chin on his entwined hands.

“Please don’t be shy about being very graphic about it,” Timothy encouraged as he leaned forward to reach for an apple. Balt giggled at his side, reaching out to wrap a hand on Timothy’s neck and kissing his cheek lovingly, “You are so naughty Tim, I love it.” Timothy turned his face toward Balt and kissed him on the lips, “I know Balthy, that’s one of the reasons I do it,” his smile a crossed between mischievous and fond. Cas couldn’t help the smile that spread on his lips; he wanted a relationship like theirs, loving, caring, naughty and were they could tease and joke with each other so naturally. Dean’s face clouded his thoughts like a thick blanket of mist; he wanted Dean in every way, if only it were possible.

“Ugh, you guys are gross, get out of my house and go fuck in your own bedroom,” Gabe protested stuffing his mouth with a large piece of tiramisu.

“Oh no, don’t mind us, just carry on boys,” Kali urged as she walked toward her husband and sat on his lap.

Jacob chuckled, leaning against Balt and then mock whispering, “What do you say Balthy, Timmy? Should we give them a special performance?” Cas couldn’t help but to be amused; they did this every time the opportunity presented itself just to make people cringe.

“Eww, I think I am going to puke, I am leaving,” Samandriel’s disgusted and horrified face unleashed a choir of laughter. Balt almost fell off the kitchen stool as he doubled over in convulsing laughter; Kali following suit and heaving as she tried to pull herself together.

“You guys are jerks,” Samandriel accused, shaking his head and barely containing a smile of his own.

“It isn’t our fault you don’t like to bang,” Gabe made an obscene gesture, triggering more laughter.

“Come on all of you, don’t be mean, poor Alfie must he traumatized by now,” Timothy looked at him apologetically; mouthing a heartfelt ‘I’m sorry’.

Cas was glad the conversation had derailed from Dean to the others because he was very protective of his privacy.

“When are you guys leaving to San Francisco?” Cas glanced at Balt and the twins before getting up to get a glass of water.

“In about six weeks, middle of September,” Jacob provided, taking a sip of his beer.

Cas nodded, the cold water refreshing his parched throat.

“Balt, don’t forget to bring me some weed,” Gabe quipped, making the motion of smoking pot; causing Balthazar to chortle while shaking his head.

“And a flower crown,” Kali added with a wink, thin well-manicured fingers making a peace sign.

Jacob snorted; “You’re a pair of stereotypical assholes huh?” his amused tone of voice and calm countenance contradicting his words. Kali and Gabe shrugged nonchalantly; both equally unapologetic for their behavior.

“But enough of deflecting the conversation little bro; you know you won’t leave this house without spilling the beans,” Gabe looked at him knowingly, cocking one accusing thin eyebrow at him.

Cas tried to put on his best oblivious face, “What are you talking about?”

A scoff tumbled from Gabe’s mouth, “Oh bitch please, don’t give me that bullshit,” Champagne-colored eyes looking right through his act.

A few chuckles reached Cas’s ears, making him look heaven guard; _I don’t know why I bother to fight tooth and nail for the impossible dream of privacy,_ he lamented inward.

“Cassie darling, spill, you can’t win; nobody in this family has any privacy, I thought you knew by now,” Balt said as he walked to the sink to rinse out the beer bottle, a comforting hand landing on his shoulder.

Cas didn’t bother to disguise his annoyance, a loud sigh floating out of his chest.

“So, what did he cook? Was it edible?” Alfie, God bless his innocence and decorum asked sincere interest evident in his visage.

He remained standing next to the sink; a dreamy smile blooming on his mouth at the memory, “Meat lasagna, it was better than Federico’s,” he confessed looking at Gabe and Balt.

“Wow, that good huh? So a keeper then,” Balt commented, nodding his head and explaining to the twins why it was so impressive.

“Huh, sounds good but I will have to try it first and be the judge of that,” his brother’s eyes searched his face and Cas let him; Gabe was sometimes very overprotective specially after Sebastian.

“Nice house? Own, rents or lives with his mother?” Kali was next in the interrogation, red lips highlighting her face.

“Very nice house, a cottage style home and it is very inviting; it isn’t too far from mine. Dean is so young and he already owns his own house; he is such an intelligent man,” thoughts of Dean made everything background noise; his eyes and mind traveling faraway.

Approving noises broke his reverie; he felt pride on Dean’s behalf.

“What does Dean do for a living?” Tim inquired, standing in front of the sink as he washed his hands.

Cas looked at him, a small smile on his face; of the two twins and the people in his family, Tim was the one who had a personality closer to his, “He is a chiropractor and he owns a clinic with his friend Jo,” a string of oh’s soon following. Gabe just remained quiet; observing everything with a thoughtful expression on his face from his seat at the dining table.

“Does he like animals?” Jacob was the livelier and naughtier twin but he was as serious as his brother. Actually, they had met at an animal shelter years ago before he moved to New York; just like Cas, Jacob was an animal lover. The question brought a smile to Cas’s lips.

“Yes, he let me bring Tippens to his house and let him roam free around the house. It was very nice of him and Tippens seems to like him too,” Cas leaned against the countertop, arms crossed over his chest and a contented smile on his face. He wasn’t thinking about his mother anymore; he had pushed that chunk of morning out his mind; thank God his migraine was gone as well.

“Does he like to read?” Alfie looked at him expectantly; he was an avid reader and usually had really good book recommendations. Cas’s smile widen as his cell vibrated and he knew who it was; his heart tap danced happily in his chest as his hand reached inside his black jeans’ back pocket for his cell.

“Yes, he has an almost wall to wall bookshelf and if it wasn’t because it would have been rude of me, I would have love browsed it. He loves Edgar Allan Poe, how amazing is that?! And he loves classic rock; he inherited a turntable and many vinyl records from his late mother. Dean is so charming, you should see how much people love him,” he remembered how Brittany, Marina and Missouri had been all over him.

“Aww his mama died? So sad,” Kali’s mother had died a year ago thus she could relate to Dean. The rest of them had both parents alive and well; they were lucky, even though their relationships with their parents weren’t perfect.

“Oh my fucking God Kali; if I ever start talking like the sun shines through your ass and looking like a love stricken puppy, please kill me,” Gabe interjected in his usual straightforward way.

Cas scoffed not feeling hurt by his asshole of a brother; he knew Gabe was just being himself.

A rumble of laughter filled the kitchen, reverberating against the gray walls.

“Oh stop, I think it is adorable and now I want to meet this beautiful man that has our Castiel so smitten. Also, you can stand to be more romantic Gabe; don’t think for even a second that just because we are married you can lower your guard,” she declared, nudging her husband on the shoulder and giving him a kiss on his head. Gabe, the oblivious fool didn’t know how adoringly he gazed at his wife; Cas couldn’t help the rush of affection that made way to his heart at the sight.

Cas was dying to read the text; he was holding the phone in his hand while thumb stroked the screen impatiently.

“Did Dean send you a text Cassie? Go on read it and don’t mind us,” Balt was always so observant; Cas seems to never have the upper hand with any of them.

Everyone stared at him, teasing smiles on their faces as he decided to fuck it; not wasting any more time he unlocked his phone and opened the text.

**Dean:** _When do you wanna to come for breakfast? Just let me know and I’ll get things ready. Sammy was here and told me he was ready to register for lessons; he’s so excited Cas, I think it’s safe to say that you have a fan. I want to see Tippens again, maybe next time he can play in the backyard. Also, show me a picture of Mrs. Agatha; I don’t want her to feel left out. See u later~_

_Ugh_ , he wished he was home so he could bask in the excitement he felt. Dean was so precious; making Cas want to hug him tightly and list one by one all the qualities he already loves about him.

“So? Are you gonna share?” Gabe’s penetrating voice startle him out of his pleasant thoughts.

His head snapped up to look around, expectant faces staring at him, “No, I am not going to read Dean’s message to you.”

“Sour puss,” Jacob mumbled.

“Stop this non sense y`all, there are some things in our lives we want to keep to ourselves,” Timothy chastised, looking at Cas and winking at him. Cas felt relieved, _can 7:30 be here already?!_

“Okay, okay, enough with the drama. Are you seeing him again?” Gabe insisted.

Cas put away his phone deciding against replying now, “As a matter of fact yes, we are meeting at the movie theater later.”

“Ohhh, this sounds very promising, Cassie; Best of British luck to you chap,” Balt lifted his half drank bottle of ale in cheers and then tilted back to drink it in one gulp.

Cas shook his head, teeth worrying his tender bottom lip, “We are only friends, nothing more,” Cas wished he was wrong.

“A friend you want to poke with your dick,” Gabe quipped wiggling his eyebrows, a wicked smirk spreading on his thin lips.

A string of giggles filled the air, _God help him, these fuckers he called family were awful_ _but he wouldn’t change them._ Probably that made him a masochist but right now as he remembered Dean’s text and awaited their meeting he couldn’t care less. He felt as if floating in outer space, weightless and unconcerned; thoughts of a green-eyed freckled beauty haunting him and making him forget everything else.


	12. ~At the Thought of You, I Lose Myself~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas was again filling his mind like a heavy fog or a spider web; luring him in with his sweetness and caring nature, his gentlemanly manners and that gorgeous head to toe body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone,   
> This chapter is unbeta'd and probably the other ones that follow. I hope you still like it and enjoy the story. Next chapter, finally the movie date and then the breakfast date, yay :)   
> Kudos and comments are always welcome.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

After lunch, Dean decided to go to Pamela and Ash’s house; Jeremy wanted to see the Indiana Jones movies with him so, who was he to deny the kid?! Plus Harrison Ford was such a badass and a handsome devil; it was a win-win situation. _Has Cas watched those movies? Maybe that would be something we could…_ _Fuck, Cas again_ , he thought as a sigh escaped his mouth. Cas was _again_ filling his mind like a heavy fog or a spider web; luring him in with his sweetness and caring nature, his gentlemanly manners and that gorgeous head to toe body.

_Thunder, thunder, thunder, thunder I was caught in the middle of a railroad track. I looked around and I knew there was no turning back~_

Even as he drove Baby and sang albeit distractedly to ACDC’s _Thunderstruck_ ; thoughts of Cas held his attention like a lighthouse a ship. It didn’t help much that the song filling the air fitted so well with what he was feeling for that tall, dark and handsome son of a gun with eyes so blue Dean felt like he was in the middle of the ocean or inside a cave laden with sapphires and lapis lazuli or suspended high in the blue sky every time their eyes settle upon one another. And now he was sounding like Pablo Neruda; _fucking hell! He was being an idiot, letting his heart override his brain but who could fucking blame him?!_

_My mind raced and I thought what could I do? And I knew there was no help, no help from you~_

Cas was so different from the people he had always dated; he was so brilliant and clever, so interesting and he liked Poe, children and animals; but it wasn’t just that, Cas _felt_ utterly genuine in every single thing he did and said; Dean wasn’t used to that quality in people other than his family. He has always been in search of someone like that but never had the luck to find them and now- now that he has, he wasn’t sure he could have him because of his own fears and insecurities. Another heavy sigh made its way out of his chest; he was so completely and thoroughly screwed by an oblivious, dark-haired-blue-eyed angel it was almost giving him a panic attack. He took a couple of deep breaths and closed his eyes for a few seconds while he was waiting for the red light to change; he was bracing himself for the incessant Cas related questions, he would have to suffer through later from his nosy family. _Why can’t it be 7:30 already?_

_Sounds of the drums, beating in my heart, the thunder of guns tore me apart; you have been Thunderstruck~_

Sam, Missouri, Marina, Jess, Brittany and Mary Rose had all been charmed by Cas and that was quite an impressive feat because all of them were very hard to please; not to mention that to be in their good graces meant that they approved of him. Not that Cas needed any approval from his family because they were only _friends_ ; oh, how he hated that fucking word right now. If only he would have listened to his family when he decided to start a relationship with Andrew that fucking asshole; he wouldn’t be as fucked up as he was now. _Shit, can’t a day go by when I don’t think of that son of a bitch?!_ Dean felt such regret at his shitty relationship choices; especially that dipshit but he needed to let go of it because he won’t be able to see the good things in his life if he lets the shadows overwhelm the light surrounding him. It was easier said than done though, letting go of grudges was his Achilles’ heel but he had to try; not only for his family and Cas but more importantly for himself. His broad hands caressed Baby’s steering wheel as if trying to take courage from her; she has been destroyed and rebuilt so many times but always came back better and more beautiful than before. _Fuck the past_ , he needs to keep walking away from it and not look back; it was hard but he will try.

_Thunderstruck, baby, baby Thunderstruck, you have been Thunderstruck, Thunderstruck, Thunderstruck, Thunderstruck you’ve been Thunderstruck~_

As the last notes of the song died down, Dean arrived at Pam’s house; he parked at the front of the house in one of the street parking spaces. It would be easier for him later when he had to leave than park inside the three car garage and wait for people to move their cars parked behind his. Dean got out of the car and locked Baby behind him then walked to the trunk and took out a neatly wrapped gift box; he hopes Jeremy likes the gift he got him. Dean could feel the sweat trickling down his back and damping his light blue t-shirt whilst he walked towards the house; the AC had done nothing to keep the heat at bay even though it had been on high all along. The scorching sun rays bathed everything in a hellish heat; some of the smaller, more unfortunate trees around the neighborhood had taken the worse part of the attack and had ended up with dried leaves or leafless. As he walked towards the beautiful and imposing two story brick house; he noticed how on some spots the grass had turned a yellowish color and a few of the pretty purple and pink hydrangeas Pam was so fond of had dried out, though in a weird way they looked strangely nice .

The chirpy song of a couple of beautiful Northern Cardinal birds playing in the iron birdbath made his dry lips curl into a small smile and the colorful _Happy Birthday Jeremy_ banner hanging over the dark wood and glass front door flooded his mind with fond childhood memories as he ringed the doorbell. His mom used to bake Sam’s and his birthday cakes every year; well, for him, she always baked his top three favorite pies because nothing beats pie in his book. Almost nine years have passed since she passed away and he still could feel his heart break into tiny particles of dust every time he thought of her or talked about her. He could feel the spine-chilling sadness stretching its tentacles, trying to wrap around his heart and he knew he couldn’t let it take hold of him. Every time he let negative emotions spread into his veins; he always ended up in hell and he was terrified of the things that waited for him in that dreadful place.

Dean shook his head trying to rid himself of those dark thoughts and then took a few deep breaths while impatient booted feet shuffled on the colorful butterfly welcome mat; no, today his demons weren’t going to win, he was determined to have a good time with his family. Afterwards, he would go home and take a quick shower, put some nice clothes on and go meet Cas; he _will_ enjoy the movie and the company of that handsome bastard that was driving him crazy. Dean was still lost inside his head when a familiar southern drawl pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Buenos dias compadre, how are ‘ya man? Haven’t seen your mug in a few days, lookin’ good, ” in front of him stood Ash, the wisp of a man grinning at him with his usual laid back attitude and mullet haircut in all its glory; he was dressed in a red plaid sleeveless shirt, his favorite layered silver necklaces, distressed blue jeans and black combat boots. Ash was the only dude he knew that who could kinda pull that disastrous hairstyle but he avoided talking about it because the guy was weirdly defensive of his mullet. Dean couldn’t help but smile back; Ash was such an easy person to get along with albeit being a bit strange. Ash was a decent, hardworking and brilliant person; MIT alumnus, shocking but true.

“Hey man, I’m good, how’re things going? Busy at the shop?” Dean asked as he wiped sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand; fall couldn’t come any sooner, this weather was insufferable, plus he missed wearing his leather jackets.

“Yeah, we’re so busy with clients and expanding the sto---,” Dean was still standing outside when Pam’s silvery voice cut off her husband mid-sentence.

“What are you still doing out there handsome? Ash baby, you can talk all you want when Dean comes inside; it is hotter than hell out there,” she chided, standing next to her husband and smiling widely. Pam was a beautiful woman; wavy, dark brown hair framing high cheekbones and mischievous hazel eyes illuminating her delicate face; her smiles were always sincere and happy. She was wearing a pair of very tight dark blue jeans and a black Ramones tank top that made her rocking body look even better; she was barefooted. Dean’s smile grew wider; he could still feel the unwelcomed, dreadful feelings creeping up on him but he wasn’t going to let them ruin this day.

“C’mon in, Ashland is waiting for you Dean,” Dean looked at Pam for some sort of clarification but she just rolled her eyes in mock annoyance and shook her head. As soon as he stepped inside the house, Pam threw her well-toned arms around his neck and gave him a tender kiss on the cheek and then stepped back, giving him another broad smile. Dean had always been a person who enjoyed touch but after Andrew, he had stopped allowing people come too near him. He was beginning to get used to it again without flinching or feeling the need to push people away; he smiled back at her and then without warning, his arms were full of her mullet-wearing husband. After exchanging hugs, they walked to the kitchen; the house smelled of pecan pie and Dean was in paradise. He set the gift on the stainless steel island countertop and then walked to the glass double doors that looked out to the immense backyard; green eyes looking around the pool area for a certain little dude.

“Where is Jeremy?” Dean was still look outside when he heard loud steps coming down the stairs and his lips stretched into an affectionate smile.

“Speaking of the devil… he has been harassing me all morning, asking at what time you were coming; save me please!” Pamela gave him a side glance; putting her hands together as in prayer before going to the oven and taking out the pecan pie.

“I told him I’ll watch one of them movies with him but refused; he said you’re the Indiana Jones expert so,” Ash was standing in front of the refrigerator; door opened wide as hands reached for a couple of PBR’s and then he looked over his shoulder, back at him, “Want one or some juice?”

“Juice, please,” was his brief answer; he had missed alcohol at first, it was how he coped with the shit going on in his life but now he didn’t anymore because he felt more in control of himself.

“Dean! You’re finally here!” He didn’t have time to respond before two surprisingly strong arms wrapped around his waist, practically cutting his circulation; a contented smile tugging at his lips at the evident excitement in Jeremy’s voice and behavior. Dean had always been good with kids or so he had been told and he had always wanted to be a father but it was a serious commitment; he wanted to do it with a person who wanted it as much as he did; he still had hope left in his heart for that dream to come true.

“Hey there, birthday boy! How old are you now? 15?” One of Dean’s hands patted the young boy’s back while his right hand ruffled his dark wavy locks; all the while smiling at him brightly. Pam and Ash looked at the exchange silently as they kept getting things ready for the party, fond smiles painted on their lips.

A string of giggles ripped from Jeremy’s chest; his big hazel eyes twinkling with amusement. “Don’t be silly uncle Dean, I’m only nine. I still don’t have any hairs on my armpits or my legs like Dado does,” he spoke in the typical high-pitched voice young children have; cocking his head toward his dad and eliciting a rumble of laughter from his parents and Dean. _Kids are so honest and straightforward; if only people didn’t lose those qualities when they grew up_ , Dean lamented. After the laughter had died down, Dean walked to the counter top where he had left the present and reached for it. Jeremy’s face lit up like the stars on a clear night sky; a smile so wide stretching his lips that it looked almost comical.

“Is it for me? Can I opened it now, please?” he pleaded, looking at Dean and then at his parents with impossibly big eyes. Pam and Ash exchanged glances and then nodded; Dean helped Jeremy sit on one of the gray upholstered kitchen stools and then slid the box in front of him.

“I hope you like it Jem, go for it buddy,” he encouraged, hoping he hadn’t lost his edge on gift giving; Dean leaned against the countertop, arms and legs crosses and waiting patiently for the boy to open his present. Jeremy didn’t waste any time and destroyed the colorful happy birthday wrapping paper in seconds; quickly opening the box and throwing the lid aside and then pushing aside the red tissue paper. Dean held his breath while Jem remained frozen in place with his mouth agape and hands suspended midair, staring bug-eyed at the contents inside the box.

Pam and Ash walked towards their son to see what had made their usually energetic and talkative son speechless; when they saw inside the box they understood and looked at Dean with the most grateful and affectionate looks on their faces, happy smiles curling their lips. ‘Thanks, you’re the best,’ mouthed Pam as Ash gave him two thumbs up; he still waited nervously for Jem’s reaction.

“Oh my God, oh my God!” Jem shouted, covering his mouth with his small hands and then looking back at Dean like he had given him the best present of his life. “Now I can be like Indiana! Thank you, thank you uncle Dean,” Jem jumped from the stool and once again wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist, beaming at him. Dean let go of the breath he was holding; his heart beating happily in his chest.

“No problem buddy but aren’t you going to try it on?” he urged the boy, ruffling his abundant dark hair again. Jem immediately let go of him and went back to the box and then reached inside for the Indiana Jones hat, putting it on. The excited boy looked back at him for approval and Dean gave him two thumbs up.

“Looking good Jem, almost better than Indy,” Dean felt much better now than he did when he came in fifteen minutes ago and he was grateful for that; he could breathe easier.

“Wow Jem Jem, you look so handsome!” Pam praised cheerfully while caressing her son’s check tenderly; Jeremy was grinning like he had won a favorite prize.

“You have good genes Jery, be thankful to Dado for that,” Ash said jokingly; Pam nudging his shoulder playfully.

Dean wanted that; he wanted the partnership and the knowing looks, the blinding smiles and the playful touches; he wanted good ‘ol healthy love, real love not just sex. He has had plenty of sex without feelings; sex with only the feelings of lust and physical attraction but never sex with feelings of love. Dean yearned for love; he wanted to come home to someone that loved him and missed him. He wanted to hear his name said with respect and affection; he wanted loving words and someone who made him smile when he was feeling like he was drowning. He wanted and needed the intimacy of a healthy romantic relationship; Dean longed for soft adoring kisses and reverent touches and as he thought about all of that the face that kept appearing in his mind was Castiel’s. _Cas_ and his sweet and generous personality; _Cas_ and his unabashed love for his family and pets. _Cas_ and his fancy words and gentle hands; _Castiel_ and his troubled family life and passion for karate. _Cas_ , everything was _Cas_ and Dean suddenly felt like he was missing something vital in his life. He missed _Cas_ ; a stranger almost a week ago and now pulling at his heart strings so hard it hurts.

“Can I wear the rest of the costume mom? I want to match my cake,” Jem’s voice brought him out of his contemplation but failed to dispel Cas’s face from his thoughts.

“Okay, birthday boy,” Pam couldn’t look more motherly; her expression so loving Dean couldn’t help but miss his mother, he felt a pang in his heart at the thought of her.

“Can we go watch Raiders of the Lost Ark now, uncle Dean?” Jeremy turned to look at him; holding the box with the rest of the Indiana costume and the color changing Crystal Skull.

“Don’t you guys need help getting the rest of the birthday stuff ready?” Dean moved his eyes from Jem to his busy parents.

Pam stopped taking birthday decorations out of a purple tote bag and looked at him, “We have everything under control on that area but we do need someone’s favorite uncle to keep him entertained while we finish decorating,” she winked at him, smiling softly at both Jeremy and him.

“Well, Jem let’s go; Indy and his world of adventure awaits us, let’s not make him wait,” the energetic boy was brimming with happiness; running down the hall and up the stairs to his bedroom.

“Later, when the party starts, I will take you to Ashland and you will be the first one to enjoy its pleasures,” Ash announced while he inflated an Indiana Jones foil balloon with a disposable red helium tank. Dean looked at Pam quizzically, expecting an answer from her this time but _nada_.

Ash looked back at him with a pleased smile, “It’s my man-cave, where I’m king; you’ll see it later and I’m sure you won’t want to leave,” he sounded so confident and proud; Dean didn’t doubt ‘Ashland’ was equipped with the best entertainment but he doubted he wouldn’t want to leave, especially with one ravishing Castiel Novak waiting for him. “Can’t wait to see it,” he replied, picking up the glass of cranberry juice from the island countertop and following Jem to his bedroom.

Jeremy’s bedroom was spacious; the walls were painted a light gray color and various posters of different cartoons and movies hanged on them. The full size, dark wood bed occupying the center of the room; Minecraft bedding and curtains as well as a solid gray area rug on the side of the bed spoke of Jem’s energetic and vibrant personality. A couple of dark wood side tables flanked the bed; two simple white lamps and other small trinkets decorating them. On a separate area of the room were a couple of gray leather arm chairs, a dark wood coffee table and a 50 inch Sony Bravia TV mounted on the wall; the bedroom was immaculate, no toys or clothes laying on the dark cherry hardwood floor. Jeremy was a very organized child, has always been according to Pam. The movie was already set up and waiting for them to sit and enjoy. Jeremy was already decked out in his Indy costume, hat on his head and Crystal Skull in his hands; as they were about to sit and start the movie Pam came in holding a black tray with a couple of water bottles, pretzels and a couple of small bowls with fruit.

“Thanks Pam!”

“Gracias mom!”

“Enjoy the movie boys, I’ll come get you when the guests start arriving,” Pam waved, a contented smile on her lips as she walked out of the room. Before Dean got comfortable in his seat, he reached inside his black jean’s back pocket and checked his cell; no reply from Cas yet, _he must be busy with his pets or with his family_. Dean was a bit disappointed but he consoled himself knowing he would be seeing the handsome angel in a few hours; _dammit_ , he had already given Cas another nickname without noticing. He should be freaking out at how easily Cas was making him lose himself and forget to be cautious but he found himself not wanting to fight against the feelings growing like vines, inside and around his heart. _Some things can’t be controlled_ , he thought putting the phone back inside his pocket.

“Are you ready Jem?” Dean reached for the remote and then looked at the boy, who was already munching on some pretzels.

“uh huh,” was the short response and then Dean hit play on the movie; sitting back against the comfortable arm chair and stretching his long legs in front of him. The movie should distract him from thinking about ethereal sapphire orbs, silky dark brown hair and fleshy pink lips for some time, or so he hoped.

A knock on the open door, coincided with the closing scene of the movie; both Jeremy and Dean looked in that direction and saw a smiling Pamela wearing a sideways party hat. “Time to come down boys; some of your friends have started to arrive Jem,” she informed, leaning against the doorframe waiting for her son. Jem immediately got up and ran down the hall and then downstairs; _kids have too much energy_ , Dean looked at the boy’s retreating back fondly while he picked up the empty black bowls, bottles and pretzel bags and set them down on the tray. Pam was still leaning against the doorframe and hazel eyes looking at him like they were trying to look into his thoughts; it made him feel a bit uncomfortable to be scrutinized like he was some sort of insect or a plant cell under a microscope. _You don’t feel like this when is Cas gazing at you like he wants to look into your soul and know all of your most intimate secrets_ , a very annoyingly truthful thought crossed his mind; supplying him with a very clear image of a perfectly sculpted face. He tried to keep a straight face and ignore her stare; keeping busy by cleaning the space Jem and him have used.

“You look different and I don’t mean only your happier and relaxed outward appearance,” Pam spoke in a matter-of-fact voice, stretching her arms to grab the tray in his hands. Dean forced himself to keep eye contact with her; his tongue peeking out and licking his suddenly dry lips. He wasn’t willing to supply any information to her or anyone in his family but he knew that was as impossible as flying pigs; so he was preparing himself for when his family cornered him and swarmed him with Cas related questions.

“I’m the same as always Pam, good ol’ fucked up Dean Winchester,” he tried to sound relaxed and playful but Pam must have noticed how he had tensed because she gave him a tight lipped smile, her hazel eyes sympathetic.

“You are anything but fucked up Dean and whatever is making you glow from the inside out; keep it close because it is doing wonders for you. Now let’s go, before Ash lets the kiddos eat the cake before the party even starts,” Pam was just like Missouri; she could read people effortlessly but also knew when to step back. He was grateful for the pass which he knew he wouldn’t get from the others but for now, he would enjoy himself.

“Thanks Pam…,” A relieve smile curled his lips and as he passed by her; he took the tray from her hands and both walked down the stairs in comfortable silence.

“The person, who gets to have you Dean, is a lucky bastard and should thank their lucky stars,” Pam whispered close to his ear as they took the last step down the stairs and then turned her head to look at him and winked. He shook his head, smiling genuinely this time as white teeth bit his rosy bottom lip; _if only that was true_ , Cas’s face shrouded his thoughts again and an absurd longing hit him like a tornado. The melodic sound of the doorbell followed by loud, familiar voices made his head snap up and an automatic smile spread on his lips. Dean walked to the front door and he didn’t have time to say anything before a pair of delicate short arms wrapped around his waist.

“Unki D!” a sweet voice shouted; his Caramel Frappuccino had always had a vivacious personality. Dean bent down to pick up his niece; Mary Rose was almost four but she was taller than the average for her age. His left leg wasn’t bothering him today so he could carry her without problem.

“Hey Caramel, did you grow 10 inches in the few days I didn’t see you? You look almost as gigantic as your Moose daddy,” he commented, glancing at Sam just in time to catch him doing one of his famous bitch faces; Jess was next to him looking beautiful in a red floral print dress and flat white sandals, her long blond hair done up in a messy bun; Gilda, Jo, Garth and Bobby walking in just behind them.

“Come on in, amigos, it’s too hot out there,” Ash urged; closing the door behind him after everyone was inside, “We have everything set up in the kitchen and out in the patio; the pool is waitin’ for us,” he announced as he started to walk towards the kitchen; carrying a few birthday gift bags in his hands and leaving everyone else behind. Everyone looked at him leave but stayed in the living room a bit longer.

“No Unki D, I’m still a little girl, you are so silly,” the little princess in his arms replied, giggling as he tried to tickle her. He really wanted his own family but for now that was a will-o’-the-wisp; anyway he was more than happy to spoil other people’s kids and then return them to their parents at the end of the day.

“Hi Dean, I have missed you? How are you?” Jess walked towards them, giving him a side hug and a kiss on the cheek; looking at him with so much affection. He was so grateful that Sam had found someone as perfectly suited for him as Jess. _You_ _must be pleased_ _mom_ , he thought looking at Jess and then at Sam walking closer to them.

“I’m okay, my leg doesn’t hurt today so that’s a plus,” he responded in a cheerful manner as he glanced at the others, “Y’all looking very spiffy today, I feel underdressed,” he said jokingly, looking himself over.

“Oh please, spare us, like you need to do much to look hot, Mr. Drop-Dead-Gorgeous,” Jo quipped, grinning at him like she knew something no one else knew; she probably has already talked with Marina, _Jesus Christ can’t he get a break?!_ She and Gilda walked slowly towards them; both like Jess, donning dresses. Jo’s dress was long and cobalt blue, complementing her light skin and long, wavy blond hair; she had on a pair of black pumps. Gilda was wearing her hair back, the light brown curls falling on her slender shoulders; her maxi dress was white with gold accents and golden gladiator style flat sandals completed her look.

“Thanks for thinking so highly of me Jo-Jo,” Dean called her the hated nickname just to annoy her; they had always teased each other like that since they met so many years ago. Mary Rose was still in his arms, little fingers swiping over his freckled cheeks and nose; she had told him before that she wanted to have freckles just like him but that the people who have freckles were the ones kissed by angels. He had asked her where she heard that from and she had replied that she read it in a book. Dean let her do as she wanted, happy to have her and the rest of his family with him.

“I won’t tell you what I’m thinking ‘cause there are innocent ears present,” she muttered, flipping him the bird inconspicuously and causing some chuckles amongst them.

“What’s so funny, tell me, I want to laugh too,” Mary Rose asked Dean while curious hazel eyes looked around the group expectantly.

“It’s nothing baby girl, do you wanna go play in the pool?” Sam stretched his long arms toward his daughter, an adoring look on his face. She immediately went to him but not before hugging Dean very tightly and giving him a soft kiss on the cheek; he loved that little girl as if she was his own.

“So that’s why you’re wearing that getup; I was beginning to fear you had lost your fashion sense,” Dean really enjoyed teasing Sam; he was so easy to mess with and the faces he made never failed to make Dean burst out laughing.

“What’s wrong with shorts? It is summer and extremely hot; only you would wear jeans, a t-shirt, a short sleeve shirt and boots in this weather,” Sam never took Dean’s teasing laying down, though that’s what made it fun.

“You princesses done talkin’ about your clothes? We have a party to join,” Bobby spoke in his gruff voice as he walked next to Garth to join the group. He was wearing his usual attire; blue jeans, brown boots, olive green plaid long sleeve shirt and beat-up dark/light green trucker hat combo; carrying a couple of six packs of his favorite beer in his hands.

“You brought your own beer Bobby? I saw plenty in the fridge,” Dean knew Bobby was very particular about his beer; he only liked one brand, all the others tasted like shit according to him.

A snort tore from Bobby’s chest as he looked in the direction of the kitchen, “There’s no way in h-e-l-l I am drinking that hipster PBR c-r-a-p, Ash drinks,” more chuckles and exchanged fond looks passed between the group; it was heartwarming how a child made potty mouth Bobby Singer spell his swear words.

“Where’s Rufus?” Dean questioned, Bobby and Rufus were usually together; they had been best friends for decades.

“Had to go in to work today ‘cause the assistant manager called out sick,” was his immediate reply as he got a better hold of the six packs in his hands.

Garth was standing next to Bobby, with his always laid back attitude and wearing his usual contented expression; the Hawaiian shirt, honey brown rolled cuff shorts and white flip flops making him look like a hipster teenager.

“Hey Garth, looking very tropical today buddy,” Dean nodded at the Hawaiian shirt making Garth smile widely and tugging a smile on his own lips.

“That’s what I was going for; got a few appreciating looks from some ladies on my way here,” Garth was always so peppy; Dean envied that quality about him.

“Good for you,” Dean gave him an encouraging smile and then an impatience voice spoke.

“Daddy let’s go to the pool and play with Jem,” Mary Rose had been very patient but apparently all the adult talk had bored her.

“Okay sweetheart, do you want to walk there or do you want me to carry you?” Sam was wrapped around his daughter’s little finger and by the amused look Jess gave him, she was aware of it too.

“Let’s move it guys,” Jo said clapping her delicate hands and then wrapping her arm around Dean’s muscled one; he glanced at Gilda standing nearby and motioned for her to do the same.

“Where are your other halves? Are they coming later?” he questioned as they started to walk towards the kitchen. The doorbell rang again, “I’ll get it, you guys can go,” Garth made his way towards the door while the group kept walking.

One side of the kitchen was decked out with everything Indiana Jones; from the long dining table covered with an Indiana Jones paper table cloth to the goody bags, napkins, cups, balloons, birthday banner and the beautiful squared cake decorated with an Indy figurine and other iconic pieces from the movies. Only a few parents were sitting inside in the kitchen; most of the guests were outside, enjoying the pool.

“So your other halves?” he insisted again, Dean hasn’t seen Victor in a couple of weeks; always too busy at the hospital. He also missed Charlie a lot, she has been swamped with work and expanding the shop she co-owned with Ash. He had talked to her a couple of days ago and she had told him she was coming to the party; he was looking forward to see her today.

“Well, something came up with one of the clients and she had to go take care of it; she was so excited to come and see you ---,” she was interrupted by Ash appearing out of nowhere.

“It’s my fault, sorry ‘bout that,” Ash admitted while drinking more of his hipster beer.

Gilda shook her head, curls bouncing with the motion, “Nonsense, it wasn’t like we were going to allow you to miss your son’s birthday party, so no more silly talk,” she chided, smiling at Ash sweetly; he smiled back at her and then walked towards the fridge.

“I’ll drop by the shop later this week to see her; how about you ma’am?” Dean looked from Gilda standing in front of him to Jo leaning against the stainless steel countertop; his arms crossed over his chest. Sam and Jess were nearby getting Mary Rose ready to go to the pool. Bobby and Garth were already drinking away the beer Bobby had brought with him, sitting on a couple of chairs close by.

“We were in the car when he got an emergency call from the hospital, that’s what happens when you marry a doctor,” she sounded resigned but not in the least annoyed or upset; she knew Victor loved his job and just like he wouldn’t ask her to leave her job or work less, she wouldn’t ask that of him either. They were a solid couple and so in love with each other; Dean wanted that so bad.

Ash brought them some drinks and then hurriedly walked outside. Pam was busy entertaining the other guests; she had only been inside for a few minutes before going back out. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves; _this is nice,_ he thought as he tilted his head back and drank a gulp of mango juice.

“How about you, anything new these days? Is there another halve to you?” Jo prompted with a glint of mischief in her pretty brown eyes while she drank a sip of beer. Everyone perked up at that; even Bobby and Garth got up from their chairs and then walked closer to where they were to hear the answer. Sam carrying Mary Rose in his arms and Jess came over as well. Dean rolled his eyes at the curious looks he was getting from his nosy family members but as if God or whatever had heard his prayer, the doorbell rang again.

“I’ll answer that, be right ba---,”

“Nope, you aren’t running Winchester, Garth hon, go open the door please,” Jo the little shit grabbed his arm and smiled devilishly at him; _this family is like the mafia, seriously_.

“C’mon boy, don’t let us hangin’ here,” Bobby, the least person interested in gossip spoke; _I can’t trust anyone_ , he shook his head and then scratched the nape of his neck. He looked down at the floor and bit his lip; his booted feet shuffling on the white ceramic floor.

“Nothing new, same old same old,” he avoided everyone’s eyes; suddenly wishing he was home watching TV or cooking that new recipe he got from that Food Network magazine he bought at the supermarket.

“Hello, hello everyone, missed me?” Missouri’s voice floating through the air tore a defeated sigh from his chest; he was doomed, he just resigned himself to his fate.

After exchanging hugs and greetings with the petite, dark skinned lady; everyone circled around Dean, he felt like a character from a circus freak show. His life wasn’t that interesting to merit so much unwanted attention but Missouri was there; he was sure Jo knew about his not-date with Cas at the café and Sam, his big mouthed brother must have told Jess what they talked about that morning.

“Missouri, we were asking Dean what was new these days in his life but he said everything was the same. What do you have to say about that? Is that extra je ne sais quoi he has going on a figment of my imagination?” he gave Jo a side glance while shaking his head and sighing loudly. Everyone exchanged quick looks and then settled their eyes back on Missouri, waiting for her response. Dean suddenly felt so tired; missing his memory foam mattress very much.

“Well,” she started, looking at Dean knowingly, “he has a new friend; I met him last night and he was so polite and pleasant. Brittany and Marina fell short when they told me about Castiel; he is so handsome and has this adorable dog that I am sure Sam would fall in love with,” Dean liked the way Missouri spoke of Cas; she wasn’t exaggerating, Cas was all that and more. He had to bite a dreamy sigh before it escaped him but he couldn’t do the same with the blush he felt creeping from his neck to his cheeks; the others didn’t miss it either.

“OMG! OMG! Dean, you are so fuc…. Flipping adorable, look at this big cutie,” Jo was almost jumping up and down like a child who had gotten what they wanted for Christmas. She almost knocked him over when she launched at him to hug him; he could hear the laughter of the others as he tried to get back his balance.

“Charlie would be so happy to hear about this,” Gilda said enthusiastically as she typed something on her cell.

“So this Castiel, weird name huh, is the guy Rufus told me bout; the tall, dark and handsome, intense man that made you drool all over yourself at the supermarket?” Bobby gave him a searching look while holding his can of beer with his right hand and fixing his hat with the left.

“Is he that hot? Because for someone to make you drool it is be very hard,” Jo asked curiously, looking pointedly at Dean; he chose to ignore her and drink another sip of his juice.

“But what kinda name is Castiel?” Garth inquired; always more interested in less mundane things.

“It is the Angel of Thursday according to some lore,” Dean wasn’t going to elaborate more than that because just thinking about Cas made him feel all fuzzy and smiley; he didn’t want to make more of a fool out of himself.

“Oh, I wish we could see a picture or meet him. Describe him to us Missouri; Marina said he was very attractive and gentlemanly but couldn’t begin to describe him in detail.

“Yes, Castiel is a very good looking young man; he has these big blue eyes that suck you in as soon as you look at them,” Dean was kind of surprised that Missouri had noticed so much of Cas’s charms last night but who could blame her or anyone?! That man was as fine as they come; God must have broken the mold he used to make Cas because Dean hasn’t met a finer man. Just thinking about him makes his body all kinds of hot and this wasn’t the place for his dick to show how much he approved of Cas.

“No need to use your imagination ladies and gents, that’s why we have technology,” Sam the little asshole that he was, whipped his cell out of nowhere and there on the screen was a picture of Cas; decked out in that sexy as fuck black and red karate uniform that drove Dean up the walls.

“Oh my…,” Jo started to say as she looked at the picture bug-eyed; Sam looked at him somewhat smug and apologetic but most of all satisfied.

“Unki D, you like Mr. Castil? I like him too, he is very nice,” the innocence of a child was a gift from heaven; he had momentarily forgotten that Mary Rose was Cas’s student. He gulped and tried to smile naturally at her, “Yeah Caramel, he is very nice. Why don’t you take daddy to the pool?” He suggested; giving his brother a narrowed eyed look, a promise to get him later for this.

“That’s payback for all the teasing and embarrassing things you did when I was dating Jess. Karma is a b-i-t-c-h Dean,” Sam smirked impishly, quickly walking outside with Mary Rose in tow.

“Sorry Dean, but you were so bad when we were dating; not that I didn’t enjoy your antics,” Jess tucked herself into his side, smiling softly; _oh Sam was gonna get it, that gigantic moose._

“Wow, he looks very respectable in his uniform like the actors in those martial arts movies but better,” Missouri commented appreciatively, nodding her head in approval.

Garth whistled, giving him a thumb up and a disturbing wink, “Va-va-voom, dude is indeed hot Dean, you did good,” he admitted, drinking a sip of his beer.

“Guys he---,” Jo’s loud voice interrupted him.

“Gilda, look at this fine specimen, yummy,” she looked very pleased; he just rolled his eyes and kept drinking juice while Jess giggled at his side.

“Anyone with eyes could appreciate the above average aesthetics of Dean’s ‘friend’,” Gilda even dare to use quotations on the word friend; Dean just kept silent, trying not give into Jo’s teasing.

“Yeah, he’s handsome but is he decent? Jess what do you think?” Bobby always went straight to the point, gotta love the guy. Dean knew why they were acting like this; they felt responsible for what had happened with Andrew. They hadn’t accepted him into the fold; none of them liked him since the beginning. When they told Dean how they felt about Andrew and why; he had gotten mad at them. Dean was in a very bad place at that time and he just wanted love desperately from whomever. Except, love wasn’t what he found in Andrew and love wasn’t what he had felt for him either. He had assured his family many times that what happened wasn’t their fault but the feeling persisted.

“He is very pleasant, polite and dedicated to what he does; the children love him and the parents adore him. Cas,” at the nickname, Jess looked at him from the corner of her eyes and then kept going. “He may seem too serious at first but he is actually very funny and so smart. Also, you should see him talking about his pets; Sam is in love with his dog Tippens,” Dean couldn’t hold the smile tugging at his lips at that because yes; Cas made the cutest faces when he talked about his pets. Dean didn’t miss the somewhat surprised looks thrown his way but he didn’t care anymore. “I heard some moms talking the other day and did you know he volunteers at the animal shelter?” Jess turned her head to look up at him; she looked completely charmed by Cas.

“Yeah, he told me,” he murmured, drinking the last sip if his juice and then walking to the sink; rinsing the bottle and throwing it in the blue recycle bin. He needed that short walk to move his body and clear his head a bit; before he went back, he look out the window to the immense rectangular pool and saw Jem, Sam, Ash and Mary Rose having a blast with the other guests. A smile bloomed on his lips; he was glad to have his family and be alive. Dean walked back to the group; everyone was huddle together still looking at the other pictures of Cas posted in the martial arts website and reading what looked like his bio. _Why didn’t he think of that?! God he sounded like a stalker._

“Invite him to my birthday dinner Dean; I would like to talk to him some more,” Missouri looked at him with the most serious expression and when she did that it meant that nobody could persuade her to change her mind but Dean had to try.

“Oh, that’s a great idea,” Jo immediately jumped in, her eyes shining with excitement.

“What?! No!” he almost shouted; causing Missouri to lift her dark eyebrows almost to her hairline and the others exchange surprise looks as if they were watching something extremely interesting on TV.

“Why not? Do you hate him?” she questioned as she crossed her arms over her chest and tilted her head. _Jesus fuck!_ Even that brought back memories from yesterday; of Cas and his adorable head tilt coupled with squinty eyes. He was so thoroughly fucked it was starting to freak him out; Dean felt the maelstrom of emotions in his heart like a vicious whirlpool sucking him whole.

Dean looked around the group, purposely making eye contact with everyone; he straighten with his shoulders back, wide stance, his arms crossed over his chest and feet planted firmly on the ground. He licked his lips while shaking his head in disbelief, “I don’t hate him, it’s just… you met him last night for a few minutes and I have only known him for almost a week. It is weird to invite him to a family event when we don’t know him that well…,” he trailed off fidgeting; uncrossing his arms and then putting his hands in his pocket. Jess squeezed his arm softly; her kind eyes looking at him sympathetically, “I agree with Dean, it is too soon to make poor Castiel deal with our nosiness,” and that’s why Dean thought Jess was the best because out of everyone in the family, she had the most common sense. He didn’t want t to scare Cas away; they were just starting this friendship. Dean didn’t want his family slipping their tongues and saying unnecessary things to him; he didn’t want anything more than to spend all the time he could getting to know Cas but he was still afraid and guarded. Dean wanted to take his time and go at his own pace; he felt it was worth his time to build this friendship slowly. Just enjoy the moments they share together without rushing; even though his mouth really, really wanted to kiss Cas’s peachy plump limps and his fingers wanted to be buried in that messy nest of silky dark brown hair.

“But that’s how you get to know people, by inviting them to activities and keeping them close,” Missouri insisted, now more relaxed.

“It’s the perfect chance to ask him questions or you afraid of somethin’ boy?” Bobby spoke in his usual gruff voice while tilting his chin up and lifting an eyebrow. Dean wanted to go home; he felt drained from this conversation already. He wasn’t a girl or an inexperience and innocent fucking teenager for God’s sake; this was _his_ life. Even though he appreciated the concern; he was a very private person and he hated how exposed he felt. Everyone seems to want to have a say in it and he didn’t like it; he sighed, impatience making his body buzz.

“No, Bobby I am not afraid of anything but what I am right now is getting mad. You guys are treating Cas like he is my boyfriend when he is just a friend; there’s nothing going on between us,” that was the unadulterated truth; deep in his heart he wished it wasn’t. Dean wished there was hope for more but things have never worked in his favor so he was having trouble being optimistic.

“ _Yet_ , there’s nothing going on _yet_. If he is as smart as you guys say, he is won’t waste the golden opportunity to snag one hot as hell Dean Winchester,” Jo didn’t know when to give up and he couldn’t really get mad at her; she has been like this since forever. Garth was standing next to her; he was the only one in the group quietly observing and sometimes giving him commiserating looks. _God, I felt so pathetic_.

“Look here idjit, we’re just concerned; no need to get your panties in a bunch. What’s wrong with asking a few questions even if he is just a _friend_ ,” Bobby could come off as rough and insensitive asshole to anyone who didn’t know him well but Dean knew his feelings of concern where sincere.

“We can always ask Charlie to do a background check on him,” Gilda was still typing on her cell but she did give him a very serious look when she made that suggestion. She had gone through some scary shit with some bastard just like him, so he knew she wasn’t kidding around but this was getting out of control. If this kept going, Cas will definitely run for the hills as soon as he met Dean’s family but in a way it was an effective way to test his character.

“Isn’t that a bit too much? I don’t sense anything bad from his aura and the cards don’t lie either,” at least Missouri wasn’t joining the circus in this ridiculous suggestion.

“It’s never too much; I can always do my own investigation,” Bobby was on a roll today, _great_.

“Sam already did a background check on him before we registered Mary Rose for karate lessons; everything came out clean, not even an unpaid parking ticket,” Jess provided, trying to squash the unreasonable suggestion. Dean knew Charlie could do a much better job at digging Cas’s every dirty little secret but he wasn’t willing to stoop that low. _Trust,_ for Dean that was so important and any healthy and good relationship being romantic or not began with that one thing; he leaned that the hard way and he’ll be damned if he forgets that lesson.

“But---,” Jo was interrupted by the ping of a cell phone; _his_ cell phone. _Fucking hell! Cas, angel you have the worse timing with your texts,_ and when had he started to sound so whipped even to himself?! He shouldn’t have allowed Cas inside his life so easily; let that disarming smile distract him while those powerful and clever hands pulverized all the carefully built walls around his bruised heart.

“That’s probably Cas replying to the text you sent him earlier today; at what time are you meeting him?” Came the cheerful voice of the little traitor he called brother; Sam could be such an unbearable fucker sometimes; Dean would have to think of something to get back at him. Everyone was staring at him, goofy grins on their lips and eyes brimming with curiosity.

“Aren’t you going to check your phone Dean?” his little brother insisted with the most self-satisfying shit eating grin that coupled with his long, damp brown hair and shark print blue shorts made him look like a 17 year old again. Dean couldn’t be mad at Sam for teasing him like that; he had done worse to the Big Moose so he had it coming, at least it wasn’t in front of Cas. _Thank God for small miracles… Dammit! This was Cas’s fault, how does he dare turn me into a blushing teenage boy again; I wasn’t even this awkward when I was younger._

“Wow, so you had a day long date with him yesterday and then another one today; you’re on fire Dean,” Jo could be as bad as him when she decided to be a relentless tease; the devilish smirk curling her lips showing how much she was enjoying herself.

“And to the movies nonetheless, what a traditional date,” Gilda teased jokingly; finally putting her cell away.

“It isn’t a date, get your heads out of the gutter,” his phone ping again and he heard a couple of giggles; he was sure one of them was from Sam, of course. _Next time remember to put it only on vibrate Dean_ , he chastised himself wanting to be left alone so he could read the text.

“Which movie you guys gonna watch?” Garth asked as he walked to the sink to rinse the beer can.

“Jurassic World,” he replied immediately; he was thirsty again so he walked to the refrigerator and reached in for a bottle of water.

“Good choi---,” today was the day for interruptions because Ash’s voice cut right through the conversation, leaving Garth mid-sentence.

“Enough of the chit chat; it’s time y’all visit Ashland, follow me amigos,” he had changed back to his regular clothes and waved at them to follow him down the hall. Everyone was a bit reluctant to drop the conversation but Dean was more than happy to oblige. _Thank fuck, for this reprieve_ , he fist pumped inward and took a deep breath; drinking in a gulp almost the entire bottle of water.

“Where’s Mary Rose?” Jess asked Sam as she walked towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck; Sam leaning down and placing a kiss on her lips.

“She’s with Pam and Jem in the pool; I’ll go and change into dry clothes before going into ‘Ashland’,” Sam murmured, planting another kiss on Jess’ lips before walking away. Dean wasn’t an envious person, never has been; now he was but not in the malicious kind of way. He just wanted what almost everyone in his family had; a stable, loving and respectful romantic relationship.

Jess turned to look at him, smiling brilliantly, “I will go check on Caramel, meet you there,” she then walked out the double glass door and into the scorching sun.

“Dean, aren’t you coming?” Missouri had stayed behind; probably dreading what she would find in the so called Ashland.

“Yeah, I’ll catch up with you guys in a bit,” he assured whilst walking to the blue recycle bin.

Missouri smiled, giving him a knowing look, “Say hello to Castiel for me and I hope you change your mind about inviting him to my birthday dinner next Saturday,” then she started to walk away; slow steps following the familiar booming voices down the hall. Shaking his head fondly at her as one eager hand reached inside the back jean pocket and opened the text; it was embarrassing how his heart was palpitating like he had won the lottery or had seen a volcano erupt. _How can someone he had just met a few days ago, have such a strong effect on him? And why was he allowing it to grow stronger without resisting? Why did it feel so right and so terrifying at the same time to let himself be bewitched by a pair of otherworldly, vibrant sky blue gems?_ Cas was a perfect balance of danger and peace like the ocean. Dean had felt so much in those long gazes they had exchanged; entire conversations taking place with just one glance. Dean had never been the type to be swept off his feet; he had never been a dreamer, not since he was a child and he fantasized about being a superhero, but Cas made him want to hope and believe again.

** Cas:  ** _Hello again Dean, I am sorry for the late reply. I was having lunch with my family and couldn’t write to you without them looking over my shoulder. Can I come over on Tuesday? I can lend you a hand again; after all I think I passed the test last night. I am glad to hear Sam has decided to join the school. He will be a force to be reckoned with; what with his imposing height and all, but I bet he doesn’t need to use Tae Kwon Do to make people think twice about messing with him ;) Let me know when you want Tippens to visit, and about Mrs. Agatha, she hates getting her picture taken; it is better if you meet her in person. What do you say?_

Dean had to read the text three times to process all the good news. First, Cas was coming over on Tuesday because there was no way in hell or heaven Dean would say no. Second, Cas wanted to help him make breakfast, so that meant standing so close to each other that their shoulders would touch. _Oh, for fucks sakes Dean, you sound like an idjit in love_ , he could clearly hear Bobby’s rough voice in his head, but that didn’t diminish his excitement. He couldn’t contain the silly smile blooming on his lips at Cas’s joke about Sam’s height; oh man, he couldn’t wait to hear more of that wry humor in person. All that was good and all, but what got Dean almost doing pirouettes was Cas’s smooth as fuck invitation to his house. _What do I say, you ask? That’s a ridiculous question Baby Blues; you bet that sexy ass of yours that I’ll say yes. God, there goes another nickname; if the Dean from a few months ago met the Dean from now, he would be beating the ever loving shit_ _out of me right now,_ he shook his head, and found himself trying to subdue the wide grin splitting his face. He didn’t want to creep anyone out.

_Fuck the me from a few months back; I’m feeling happy for the first time in months… maybe years_. Dean thought for a minute before nimble fingers started to type a reply. He felt a tingling sensation spread from the tip of his toes to the ends of his hair as he typed each word. Dean swore the kaleidoscope of butterflies swarming in his stomach was threatening to fly him up to the sky; he felt _that_ light and excited just from a text.

** You:  ** _No need to apologize Cas, I hope you had a good time with your family. I know a thing or two about nosy family members and I won’t tell Sam what you said about him ;) But it’s true though; no one in their right mind dares to mess with that big moose. Tuesday is good for me, how about around 7:15? I’ve to be at work by 9. You can help; you’re a decent sous chef (no missing fingers or setting the kitchen on fire lol). Do you want to bring Tippens on Tuesday? So it seems Mrs. Agatha is a bit of a diva huh? Well, you tell me when it’s a good day for you for me come over._

Dean read the text a few times to make sure he didn’t sound as overly enthusiastic and giddy as he felt, and then hit send; his somewhat cold fingers curling tightly around the phone. Fuck, I hope the text doesn’t read as desperate and needy. _Shit, shit, shit,_ I probably should have waited longer to reply---, a ping and vibration pulled him out of his self-induced freak out. He quickly looked at the screen and slid his thumb on it to open the message. His hands were cold as ice; they usually got like that when he was nervous, while his feet shuffled uneasily on the ceramic floor.

** Cas:  ** _My family is pretty special Dean so they might win the contest of the nosiest family ever. Thanks for keeping the secret from Sam; I wouldn’t want to upset him. 7:15 sounds good as I also have to be at the dojo around 9; I need to get ready for an Anti-Bulling workshop. I’m glad you think so highly of me and my cooking skills. I’ll have to prove myself to you by cooking something that leaves you wanting more. I won’t have time to bring Tippens back home if I bring him on Tuesday so I’ll bring him over some other time. As for Mrs. Agatha, yes, she can be a diva sometimes but I think that’s just her personality; she is actually very sweet, you’ll see :) How does Thursday sound to you? I finish my lessons around 3 that day so you can come over any time after 3:30. Do you like seafood?_

Dean read the text a few more times before replying. He felt warmth bathe him from the inside out as if he was a glass candle holder and the heat from the flame was setting it ablaze. Cas had answered to his text right away, meaning he wanted to talk to him. Dean let go of the breath he had been holding since he sent the last text; his body relaxing with the action. He didn’t understand how someone could be as cute and sexy as fuck at the same time; it was a mystery to him but one he didn’t care to reveal. Yet, that wasn’t as important right now as knowing that he will get to see Cas so many times in the same week. _Fuck yeah_! Things were finally going well for him for a change, after such a long drought. His now warmer fingers moved to the keyboard to type a reply.

** You:  ** _You haven’t met my entire family Cas, so I am pretty sure mine wins; an anti-bullying workshop huh? Sadly it is such a common thing nowadays with kids of all ages; even adults get bullied, it is awful. Talking about bullying; I’ve a very funny story to tell you, of a younger me and my mom at the principal’s office after a few members of the basketball team tried to bully me. You will love it! It isn’t that I don’t trust your cooking skills Cas, but my taste buds are very picky; they have to approve the flavor and texture before I can praise you ;) I can’t wait to meet Mrs. Agatha; I hope she likes me like Tippens does. I’ll probably get to your place around 6 and yes, I love seafood. What’re you gonna cook for me?_

He read the text twice and decided to stop agonizing on how eager he sounded. Cas didn’t seem to mind or at least he didn’t show it. His throat felt parched, thus quick steps took him from his perch on one of the stools to the stainless steel fridge; the fingers of his left hand curling protectively over his cell. The cold water flooded his mouth; going down his arid throat and refreshing his body while energizing it. His eyes closed at the pleasant sensation of the water cooling him down. ‘ _Something that leaves you wanting more’,_ Cas had written that clearly referring to cooking something delicious for Dean, but he couldn’t help thinking about not so innocent things that would leave him wanting more.

Dammit, he was such a pervert. If only Cas knew all the things the both of them have done in his dreams. The vibration of his cell broke him out of his thoughts; he took a gulp of the remaining water, and then went to the recycle bin to drop the bottle. Dean read the message as he walked back to the stool; thank God he was the only one in the kitchen.

** Cas:  ** _We will have to get both families together to settle this matter then, but I say mine wins ;) I hope you are planning to tell me that story today, because it sounds promising. I want to do my part in helping the children stand up against bullying. I will charm your taste buds with my Authentic Spanish Paella recipe Dean Winchester. After all, I learned to cook it from the best chef in Madrid, who happens to be my friend. Mrs. Agatha will love you, I am sure of it. I am sorry to have taken so much of your time; you are probably busy with more important things._

Cas was a stubborn little shit and he liked that; it seems that he was also a well-traveled man, and knew many important people. Dean felt a bit intimidated; no- not intimidated per se, but leaning more towards feeling inadequate. _Why would a man such as Cas, would want to be friends with a simple, uninteresting southern guy with a mountain of issues?!_ His pondering was interrupted by a familiar chirpy voice.

“Unki D, come play with me,” his Caramel Frappuccino was already dressed back into her pretty red and blue striped dress, and Minnie Mouse polka dotted sandals. Dean’s lips smiled automatically at her round sweet face. Jess’s left hand was holding her small hand, while her right hand held a colorful flower print tote bag. Of course, like always, Jess didn’t miss a beat and as soon as her eyes settled on the cellphone in his hand, she gave him a knowing look. _The women in his family were freaking psychics_ , he thought as the smiling face of his mother graced his thoughts.

“Uncle Dean will come and play with you in a few minutes doll; let’s give him some privacy,” Jess spoke softly, smiling lovingly at her daughter and then winking at him. Sam needs to kiss the ground Jess walks on, because she was awesome. His niece looked at him pleadingly and it took all he had in him to deny her. “I’ll be there in a sec, I promise cross my heart,” he said as he did the motions; she believed him because he got a toothy smile in return. The phone vibrated in his hand again and his eyes, treacherous bastards, immediately glance at it which prompted Jess to tug Mary Rose off towards the hallway that lead to Ashland. He quickly read the message again and began to type.

** You:  ** _Both of our families together should be interesting, pure chaos. You are awesome Cas and I can’t wait for my taste buds to be charmed by your paella. You might have to teach me how to make it. I’m at Pam’s son birthday party; he’s nine and his new obsession is Indiana Jones. We watched the first movie before the party started. Have you watched them? If not, I have the collection; I can lend it to you or you can come over, and we make it a movie night. What are you up to?_

Dean read his text only once before sending it to Cas. He felt more comfortable and less worried now, typing what he was thinking; of course, not everything, but it was good progress. Another ping and curious green eyes looked at his phone; Cas was fast.

** Cas:  ** _Now I am curious about the rest of your family. It will be my pleasure to teach you how to make it; I’m sure once you learn, yours will taste better than mine. I think I have watched the first movie but I barely remember, it was years ago. A movie night sounds wonderful Dean; we need to make plans for that soon. I am at the pet supply shop on Independence Street shopping for some new toys for Tippens and food for Mrs. Agatha. I will leave you now, enjoy the party. See you tonight~_

Dean didn’t waste any time to read the text; he felt like twenty year old, his heart overflowing with excitement. He didn’t know how he had kept his shit together yesterday, but he has to get back his bearings for tonight, because it would definitely be a test for him. Life was being too good to him because his meetings- yes- meetings, not dates with Cas were coming one after the other. It warmed his heart what a good pet owner Cas was; if that was something to go by, then he was as decent as Dean thought. He felt a bit bummed out to end his conversation with Cas, but he needed to go back to his family, plus he would be seeing him in just a few hours. At that his heart fluttered; _Jesus, I’m in so much trouble_.

** You:  ** _You will meet them soon enough but I’m sure you’ll regret it ;) They are the best but dammit, they are so nosy. You’re overestimating my cooking skills again. Maybe next weekend I can educate you on all things Indiana Jones, but we can talk about that on Tuesday or Thursday. Tippens and Agatha are so lucky; their papa loves them so much. Enjoy the rest of the afternoon Cas, see you later~_

Dean waited around for a bit, giving Cas time to reply. Sam and Jo would get a kick out of this; good thing they weren’t here to see. He was about to walk towards the hallway when his phone vibrated and his lips betrayed him with a smile.

** Cas:  ** _I’ll be fine if they are as nice as the family members I’ve already met. I don’t overestimate them Dean; you are an excellent cook. I’m the lucky one and about the movie night, the weekend sounds good. Thank you and have fun, see you then~_

A sigh escaped his mouth without him noticing; _oh God, he was so gay_. A nervous laughter tore from his chest startling him. Everything was going too well and he was beginning to get scared shitless, because good things never happened to him; things always went south. He shook his head and put the cell inside his pocket, after setting it only to vibrate. Then, he followed the loud voices and sharp noise of billiard balls clicking against each other. When he opened the door, he was floored; Ashland was the perfect man cave, though he didn’t dig the creepy animal heads mounted one of the walls. It was a spacious room with a large, open-concept; exposed beams and stained bead board ceiling coupled with the earthy colors on the walls, gave the room a masculine feel. A home theater system, featuring a sunken screening area and six tan leather theater-style seats highlighted the back of the room; the dark wood, pool table was close to the wine cellar and a well stock bar. Ash hadn’t been exaggerating about how awesome this place was; it had a balanced rustic and refined style.

Everyone was busy, either sitting at the comfortable looking chairs watching Pirates of the Caribbean at World’s End or playing pool, but almost everybody turned to look at him when he closed the door behind him. He didn’t miss the knowing looks or the teasing grins from his family, but no one said a word, or questioned him about why it had taken him so long to catch up with them. Dean was grateful for that; probably Missouri or Jess had said something in his behalf, God bless their souls. He walked to the pool table and Jo as usual was beating everyone’s ass. The girl had gotten better throughout the years; _almost_ better than Dean and that was saying something. Dean decided to join Jess and Frappuccino at the comfortable leather chairs before going back to battle it with Jo. His girl immediately perked up when she saw him and went to sit on his lap. This felt right; this was happiness, being with his loved ones. _How did he let that motherfucker almost take this away from him?!_ Dean had distanced himself from his family when he was dating _that asshole_. He had been will-less during the one year relationship; Dean had given all the power to Andrew. He hugged his niece close to him; dropping a kiss on the top her head. Dean could see Jess looking at them with the most affectionate expression.

They stayed in Ashland for almost an hour; talking, playing pool and other board games, as well as drinking (except for him and Missouri) the ‘good stuff’ Ash kept stocked in the bar; until Pam came to get them. Jem was beyond excited when the time came to hit the Indiana Jones treasure chest piñata; every kid had a turn and everyone was happy with the goodies they got. Then, everyone went back inside to sing happy birthday to Jem and eat cake. Not Dean though; he got a very generous piece of pecan pie, and he couldn’t have been happier. He glanced at his watch and almost fell off the stool; it was 6:17 already. _Fuck_ , if he didn’t hurry and leave now, he wouldn’t make it in time. He needed to go home, take a quick shower and put on fresh clothes.

“Time for me to go guys, it was fun. I hope you enjoy all the presents Jem,” Dean didn’t want to look too happy to be leaving but damn it was hard. The thought of Cas waiting for him made him want to sprint to Baby and fly home.

“Have fun sweetie, hope you get lucky tonight,” were Jo’s parting words as she wrapped her arms around his neck and then dropping a kiss on his cheek. He shook his head while smiling fondly at her and planting a kiss on her forehead.

Dean said his goodbyes; exchanged hugs, pats on the back, and shoulder as well as some encouraging and teasing words from Sam. Quick steps took him to his Baby and he was grateful for his decision of parking out on the street, because the garage was a jumble. Hurried fingers opened the door and he got in as fast as he could. Dean started the car and turned the radio on; Reo Speedwagon’s, _‘I Can’t Fight This Feeling’_ started to play, ripping a scoff from his chest. His index finger quickly moved to change it to the next song; AC/DC’s ‘ _Back in Black’_ filling the air; now that was his jam. Dean started to drive home while singing; his body felt relaxed and his body buzzed with anticipation.

After driving for 25 minutes Dean was home; he parked Baby at the front of the house and quickly opened the front door. Hurried steps took him to his bedroom and into his walk-in closet; he didn’t know what to wear but didn’t have the time to dwell on it. He pulled one his favorite pairs of distress blue jeans, a dark gray three buttons t-shirt and a blue plaid, shot sleeve shirt; then he reached for his pair of black boots and that would have to do for tonight. Dean’s green eyes glanced at the alarm clock on his side table, 6:52. His feet briskly walked him into the bathroom and he quickly took off his clothes. Then he jumped inside the spacious, free-standing gray and black glass tiled shower; quick hands spread body wash all over his body. The water felt like it was purifying his body; taking all the sweat, exhaustion and tension away with it.

Ten minutes later he was out of the shower; he dried himself quickly with a fluffy gray towel, and then put on deodorant, and some cologne (sue him). He put on a pair of black boxers and then walked out and into the bedroom. Again, he glanced at the clock on the table, 7:02- _shit_. Dean reached for his clothes and dressed in a flash, and then walked to the full length mirror next to his dresser. He looked himself over and spent a few seconds running his fingers through his damp short hair. After he was satisfied with the way he looked; he grabbed his boots and his gun, and then jogged to the door. Boots on, gun in place and keys in his hand; he was ready to go meet Cas. A short dash to Baby and he was on his way. Thank God the cinema was only ten minutes away; he didn’t want to make Cas wait again.

The place was surprisingly packed for a Sunday night. Families, couples and even a few loners going in and out movie theater; it was summer vacation so it shouldn’t have surprised him. Dean had to go around the parking lot a few times, before he finally found an acceptable parking for his Baby. Dean didn’t want any distracted asshole scratching his car. After he parked, he took a few deep breaths and then got out; locking Baby behind him. As he walked towards the front entrance of the cinema, his eyes straightaway settled upon the well-toned, tall and tan figure of one stunning blue-eyed angel. Dean’s heart felt like it was free falling; his mouth watering at the alluring view, and then instantly drying up at the gravelly voice saying his name.

“Hello Dean,” that fucking husky voice, combined with those deep blue orbs and that glorious smile were going to be the death of him. Yeah, write it on his gravestone; Dean Winchester, cause of death: Castiel fucking Novak.


	13. ~Each Word, Brings Us Closer~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These feelings were madness; he had gone mad and Dean was the reason. Yet, he didn’t mind; Cas didn’t care if insanity claimed him because there was not better delirium than Dean Winchester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello darlings,  
> I hope you enjoy the first half of the date. I was going to post it as one chapter but it would have been too long. The next chapter is almost done :) 
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
> I would love to know what you thing about the story so far. Comments and kudos are always welcome.  
> (Unbeta'd) Sorry :(  
> Happy reading!

“Hi Cas, sorry I’m late. I keep making you wait,” Dean didn’t know what he was supposed to do when he got closer to Cas; did he stuck out his hand and shook hands with him, or give him a half hug or… _Jesus! How old are you Dean?! Greeting someone shouldn’t be this hard ._ Cas kept making him behave unlike himself but, _who could blame him, really?!_ Cas was wearing a nice, grey, blue and white striped, shot sleeve button down shirt, brown boots, and a pair of washed out blue jeans that hugged all the right places. _Fucking Christ_ , those thighs should be outlawed because they were deliciously indecent. It must be all that running and Tae Kwon Do he does, because for what he could see, Cas’s body was well-toned without being overly muscular. Dean wondered how that skin would feel to the touch. _Shit! Snap out of it Dean_! _Cas must be thinking there’s something wrong with you,_ he chastised himself as he brought his eyes back to Cas’s somewhat worried face.

Dean seemed distracted; it made Cas a bit nervous that maybe, he had changed his mind about watching the movie with him. But, no- that shouldn’t be it, because they had texted for quite a long time a few hours ago. He decided not to let his fears and insecurities get the better of him. Dean looked so handsome; well Dean always looked handsome, and he was naturally gorgeous but the clothes he was wearing gave him an extra boost. He seemed to have a very fit body; not the result of going to the gym everyday but maybe working out at home. Cas wanted to tell Dean, how handsome he looked but he didn’t think that would be much appreciated; so he decided to keep the praise to himself.

“Don’t worry, you aren’t late; we will be just in time to see the movie previews,” he could wait for Dean for hours, days, years; it didn’t mattered, as long as he got to see those green apple eyes sprinkled with golden specks, shining right back at him. His arms longed to wrap around Dean’s body but he knew that kind of greeting was too intimate, so he did the proper greeting. He stuck out his right hand while keeping eye contact with Dean, and waited for him to reciprocate.

Cas must be a psychic or he could read him well because he always knew what to do or say. Dean’s eyes glanced at the broad and somewhat delicate hand in front of him; taking a moment to admire those long elegant fingers. Cas’s finger nails were short and clean; a clear sign of a man who took good care of his personal hygiene. Call him feminine or gay, but he was a stickler for cleanliness. He believed that a person, who cared for his personal appearance; not to an extreme of course, was showing respect towards others. Yet that didn’t mean, he measured a person’s worth based on it; but it was nice to know that the person you are meeting, took time to groom himself. Cas was an impeccably groomed man and he curious to know how he smelled. His nose was itching to nuzzle that slender neck and take a whiff of Cas’s scent. _You’re distracted again Dean; your hand, move your hand_ , the thought snapped him out of his reverie.  

He immediately thrusted his hand forward and grabbed a surprisingly soft hand; though the grip was strong and firm. His green eyes connected with azure waters and time stopped; it was a cliché but dammit if it wasn’t true. Those long fingers wrapped around his hand, felt like ropes of fire and Dean- he was burning slowly, inch by agonizing inch. And the terrifying part was, that he didn’t care if he burned to ashes, as long as Cas kept touching him.

Cas gulped loudly and he was sure Dean had heard him. _Christ!_ _One touch from you, Dean, shouldn’t feel so intoxicating and earthshattering. One gaze from those jadeite jewels shouldn’t make me feel like wanting to drop to my knees, and adore you inch by inch with my lips, tongue and fingers._ These feelings were madness; he had gone mad and Dean was the reason. Yet, he didn’t mind; Cas didn’t care if insanity claimed him because there was not better delirium than Dean Winchester. He could spend millennia lost in those spring forests; forests illuminated by the sun in its last hour of sunlight before sundown. Cas wanted to spend infinite time counting every precious freckle embellishing that sunshine kissed skin. He wanted to lay Dean beneath him and trace every curve and line of that strong and fragile body.

Dean didn’t know how long they stayed like this, but the raucous laughter of a group of teenagers broke the bubble that had enveloped him, and he let go, albeit reluctantly of Cas’s hand. Cas smiled at him that tender, shy smile that made Dean’s insides melt into a puddle, and his lips couldn’t resist such charm and responded in kind. He felt high, so high every time he was with Cas, as if he was a potent drug exhilarating every cell in his body. And Dean was hooked _; God_ , Dean was irremediably addicted and without hope for detox. He knew Cas wasn’t flawless, just like nobody was, but fuck if he knew _why_ he felt like he did since he met him.

Dean couldn’t explain the skin deep connection that had him wanting this man so much and not just sexually. He was no virgin, not by far; he was no dreamer either, illusions shattered easily. Dean was a pessimistic and realistic person; he didn’t believe in fantasies. He didn’t believe in love even when he had wanted it desperately. Yet, the things _Cas_ makes him want are exactly those he had buried since his parent’s messy divorce. He wasn’t a ‘happy ever after’ believer, but hell if he wasn’t dying to know how that would feel like; even if it wasn’t perfect. Dean wanted and needed this man more striking than any star in the sky, but he was petrified of trusting and loving. Loving someone hurts like hell when they leave you; he loved his mother and she left him forever. His mother loved his father and he destroyed her heart. Dean didn’t know if he was brave enough to risk so much, but then again, _wasn’t he already flying towards the sky to grab that radiant star?_

 _God almighty, I will praise you everlastingly for creating someone so splendid. You outdid yourself because Dean is your masterpiece; not the infinite and enigmatical universe or the billions of breathtakingly complicated galaxies, nor the burning hot or cooling stars, or all the natural beauty on Earth._ He may sound like a corny idiot or a hopeless romantic, but that was the purest truth his heart has ever spoken. Cas wanted to tell Dean how he felt, but it could be a grave mistake and he wasn’t willing to risk this newborn friendship. None of the emotions he was feeling made sense; _how could he be falling so hard so soon? It was absurd._

Dean cleared his throat and Cas was brought back to reality. “I think we better get moving and go buy the tickets,” Dean suggested nodding his head towards the doors and remaining Cas of what he was holding in his left hand. _Woolgathering is for children and younger people Castiel; look at yourself, how unbecoming of you_. _You are acting like a fool; what would Dean think of you if he knew of your feelings? Didn’t you have enough with one disastrous failure?_ His mother’s voice spoke the words he was too afraid to say with his own lips. She always knew how to dissipate all the joy out of his heart and crush the dreams blossoming in his soul. But he couldn’t let her ruin this night for him.

“I actually took care of that, I hope you don’t mind,” Cas said, lifting his left hand for Dean to see.

Cas needs to stop making those cute faces, because Dean couldn’t be held responsible for wanting to jump him right there and kiss him breathless. His pants suddenly started to feel too tight and he decided it was time to get moving. He didn’t want his dick to give a show in the middle of the movie theater. “Cas I told y---,” he started to chide but Cas looked at him with this freaking adorable face that he forgot what he wanted to say. _Cas, you little shit_.

“I know what you said, but I didn’t want the tickets to get sold out; how about if you buy the snacks?” Cas suggested, walking besides him a little bit too close but who cares? Dean certainly didn’t mind at all. Cas was a couple of inches shorter than him but it wasn’t that noticeable, because that fucking body he had distracted anyone from noticing anything else. His body was all lean muscles; Cas wasn’t thin to the contrary, he was strong and healthy. He had an athletic body; those thighs and those arms had Dean salivating at the mere sight of them. Don’t get him started on those swimmer’s shoulders and that tight ass; he really, _really_ wanted to see Cas naked and… _stop right there, dammit Dean! You aren’t a teenager anymore dude, get your shit together._

“Okay, that makes sense, thanks Cas,” Dean’s eyes looked around the cinema as he scratched the nape of his neck. He needed to distract himself so he could get back his bearings; it was pathetic how the thought of Cas made him lose his capacity to act like a normal person. After giving their tickets to the young guy at the entrance; they quickly walked to the small food court in the middle of the cinema.

“Do you like popcorn? How about some candy?” Dean enjoyed going to the movies; Charlie and him used to come and watch almost all the new releases together, but after what happened, it had temporarily stopped. Actually, this was his first time back at the cinema in months and he didn’t know he had missed it so much until now. His eyes looked at the decent selection of colorful candy as he walked round the place.

Cas’s amused chuckled reached his ears and when he turned his head to look at him, his knees buckled. _Oh fuck_ , he thought as he almost fell, ass first, on the pristine white floor. Suddenly, he felt a couple of strong arms wrap around his waist and _fucking dammit_ ; he almost moaned at the contact his body made with Cas’s. Everything was background noise in that instant, because his face was mere inches apart from big, ocean blue eyes and rosy lips that he wanted to touch with his own; even their breaths were one in that moment. _Was he imagining that this attraction was mutual? Because Jesus, the way Cas’s eyes were looking at his lips like he wanted to devour them wasn’t platonic at all._ Dean’s own hands were grabbing at Cas’s firm shoulders; _shit, they feel so good._ How he wanted to just go for it and dive into those fleshy lips; strangers be damned.

He was most probably dreaming, because the way Dean was looking at him was unreal; green jewels open wide and searching as if asking endless questions. And those full pink lips were parted as though inviting Cas to close them with his own; _was the Lord testing him? Because if so, then it was too cruel of a test_ ; Dean’s body was in his arms and it was so warm, so strong but at the same time frail. This beauty of a man in front of him was a riddle he wanted to take his time solving. Dean was a mystifying being and Cas wanted to unravel him, but never fully understand him, because beautiful things should remain unfathomable.

The annoying sound of someone clearing their throat broke the moment; strong arms immediately letting go of warms bodies reluctantly. Dean gulped and licked his very dry lips as he fixed his shirt and looked in the direction of the disapproving noise. _Fucking hell_ , his heart was beating out of control; he feared Cas could hear it which was impossible with all the noise around. He gave Cas a side-glance and notice how he was glaring daggers at the older dude looking at them with disapproval. Dammit that shouldn’t make him so horny, but it seems anything that blue-eyed angel did had an effect on him. _Shit, not one of those ignorant fuckers._

“Cas,” he called, trying to get Cas to look at him, and forget about the asshole making faces at them. There’s no way in hell he is allowing rude son of bitches to ruin this night for them; _shit that sounded coupley._ Cas was one stubborn man because he kept at it, “Cas,” again nothing, _fuck_. “Castiel Novak,” at that, he got the reaction he was looking for; a pair of intense and furious blue eyes locked with his, immediately softening and speaking infinite apologies. Man, Dean was so fucking confuse it wasn’t even funny; _how can he understand someone so much just by looking into their eyes? No, that wasn’t right; the question was, how could he understand Cas so well with just one look into those ocean blues?_

“I apologize for my immature behavior and if you want to lea---,” Cas was interrupted by a snort from Dean; an amuse freckled face looking at him with eyebrows raised. That man had gotten the better of him and it was so unlike him; he usually ignores homophobic people, and their ignorant behavior, but for some unknown reason it had rubbed him the wrong way tonight. Lord, he had made a fool out of himself in from of Dean. _How could he_ … Dean’s husky voice and the heat of a broad hand on his shoulder interrupted his self-reproach.

Dean didn’t like to see Cas beating himself up because of someone else’s bigotry. “Are you kidding me? I’m not mad at you; that asshole deserves real daggers thrown at him but… I don’t want to go to jail,” he tried to be serious but couldn’t, when he saw Cas fighting a laughter. A string of giggles followed as shoulders rocked up and down, and eyes crinkled at the corners; they were loud enough that people were staring at them. They tried to calm down and regain their bearings, but had to avoid each other’s eyes to do so because if not, the giggle feast wouldn’t end. _Damn_ , _I hadn’t laughed like this in a long time; it was Cas’s fault_ , he thought as he glanced at the attractive man in front of him.

Cas couldn’t be happier or falling harder; fighting those feeling wasn’t even an option anymore. He was so gone for Dean Winchester and honestly, he had given up on resisting it almost since the beginning. They were friends; he should be more than happy about it, but if Dean has a girlfriend or get one, and gets married like Gabe said, then … then if he can’t be a good friend, he would leave. _Dammit, now I had made myself sad._

“Okay Cas, lets buy the stuff and get going; the movie is about to start,” Dean said while glancing down at his brown and black leather watch and then back at him.

“Yes, and to answer your questions from before, I do like popcorn but I am not fond of candy,” he said walking next to Dean to the popcorn stand.

“Lucky you because I love sweets and that’s not ‘very healthy’ according to Sam,” Dean answered, looking at the size of popcorn bags available.

“I don’t think you are as bad as Gabe; if it was his choice he would eat candy for every meal,” a fond smile stretched his lips; Gabe was like a child- a devilish child.

“Wow, bet he is super hyper all the time then,” Dean glanced at him, a soft smirk on his mellifluous lips and then turned to look back at the girl in charge of the stand. “What size would you like Cas?”

“Umm, I was thinking… Can we buy a large bag and share? I don’t think I can eat that much popcorn,” he didn’t want to sound weird; probably two guys sharing a bag of popcorn was strange. If he could sigh he would, he was making blunder after blunder today.

Cas caught him off guard but he wasn’t against the idea; on the contrary, an excuse to brush hands ‘accidentally’. Jesus, he was acting ridiculous; suddenly he felt seventeen again. “Of…of course, that’s… it’s fine,” _fuck, there comes the stuttering again and I was doing so well_ , Dean lamented as he turned his head back to the girl and order the popcorn.

Afterwards, they hurried to get some Swedish Fish gummies and soft drinks. Then, after paying, hurried steps took them to the spacious room the movie was to screen; it was almost full but Dean spotted a few seats up top and to the right side, in a corner. He glanced at Cas and nodded and then, long strides carried them to the other side of the theater and up the steps. Finally in their sits, they could relax and kick back; Dean was sitting in the corner and Cas beside to him, they had been lucky to find such good seats. He didn’t like to sit in the middle or in the lower seats; he preferred to have a good distance between the enormous screen and himself. Dean thought the movie could be better appreciated sitting in the back; he also liked the added ‘privacy’, most people filled out the lower seats first.

“Sorry I bought the tickets without asking you if you preferred watching it in 3D,” Cas whispered, leaning closer and making his heart accelerate. _Fuck, this is going to be torture to say the least._

“Don’t… umm, don’t worry, I… I don’t like watching movies in 3D, it gives me a headache,” Dean murmured, giving Cas a quick glance and a small reassuring smile.

“Good, because I am the same,” Cas answered as he returned Dean’s smile and then turned his head back at the screen. The lights faded and the movie previews started; Dean was holding the popcorn bag, resting it on his thigh so Cas could reach for it easily. He could see Cas’s profile from the corner of his eyes; highlighted by the bright screen light it looked ethereal. A more perfect profile couldn’t exist; that man was carved by divine hands, and he didn’t care how he sounded as long as nobody else heard it.

After about ten minutes of previews the movie finally started and with it popcorn eating. Cas had forgotten, how it felt to sit next to someone you are having romantic feeling towards and having to stop himself from stretching his arm over Dean’s shoulder. He also blamed his sensitive nose for picking up on Dean’s scent, because _Christ Almighty_ it was getting him drunk faster than Vodka. It was the new Jimmy Choo cologne but it smelled different, way better on Dean. Cas knew this because he had gone with Timothy and Jacob to the mall today, after lunch, to start shopping for Balt’s birthday presents. And they had stopped to take a whiff of the new men fragrances and coincidentally, this one was one of his favorites. He took a deep breath; praying Dean didn’t noticed. Instantly, his senses were flooded with Dean’s manly, dark and airy fragrance; the aroma was a contradiction, just like its owner. Cas’s hands were itching to touch the owner of it; he needed to keep them busy, so he reached inside the popcorn bag blindly. His hand wasn’t the only one inside the bag and at the brush of hands, lightning cursed through his hand, up his arm and then everywhere else.

Dean was embarrassed to be so distracted so easily by someone else. He needed to get his hands busy, so he reached inside the popcorn bag distractedly and soft skin brushed against his. Goose bumps spread from that point of contact as his eyes locked with dark blue ones, and his heart galloped like a possessed horse.

“Sorry,” Cas mouthed and Dean’s eyes drank the movement of those sensual lips like a parched man. Dean couldn’t prevent his mischievous tongue from licking his lips; Cas didn’t know how dangerous he was for Dean’s heart. He could only respond with a nervous smile that hopefully didn’t look too creepy. Then, Cas took away his hand and Dean instantly missed its heat.

After that accident, many more “accidental” touches took place. _Why was his mind putting quotation marks on accidental?_ They had been accidental; he wasn’t a freaking psychic to know when Cas was going to reach for more popcorn. _But your eyes were surely keeping track of his every move; you don’t even know what is going on in the movie_ , a familiar voice, sounding too much like his mother’s spoke in a delightful tone. He sighed sort of loud, but thank goodness for all the noise, because Cas didn’t seemed to have noticed; which kind of pissed him off a little because, _why was he the only one feeling like an excited fool, every time their hands brushed against each other?!_ He knew that just because Cas was pansexual didn’t mean he felt attracted to everyone but, dammit, Dean was hot okay. He might not have much self-confidence in other areas, but of one thing he was sure of and that was, that he was one very attractive motherfucker. Probably Cas was put off by his strange behavior; he was lost in his head a lot so he could understand how that may repel people.

“Dean, _Dean,_ ” a gravelly voice cut through his thoughts as if thunder and he was back at the cinema. _Fuck, fuckity fuck, the movie was over and he didn’t have a clue how it ended, oh Jesus._ His eyes snapped up to look at Cas who was standing to his side, looking very concern. _Dammit again, this isn’t good._

“Are you okay Dean?” Cas questioned concern laced in every word as blue eyes searched his face. He hadn’t even noticed when the lights came on and the people started leaving.

“Yeah… yes, I’m fine, well let’s go,” he didn’t waste any more time and got up, but his left leg chose that moment to act up. A sharp pain went through his leg and he almost lost balance, but Cas stretched his hand and grabbed his arm tightly. _Fuck, not now, please,_ he pleaded to whoever was listening as his eyes closed in pain, and teeth bit down hard on a tender lip.

Cas wanted to take Dean home right away and leave him to rest, because he looked tired and in pain. His heart clenched at the thought of Dean hurting; this must be about the injuries he sustained a few months ago. Cas wanted to ask how had they happened, but the mere thought of how Dean tensed at the memories, made his skin crawl.

“ _Dean_ …,” he didn’t know what to say, he felt so useless. His hand holding Dean in place wanted to move to the back of his neck and pulled him closer; his left itched to pat his back gently and his lips yearned to press a comforting kiss on his forehead. Cas wanted to comfort him but didn’t know how; what an inept person he was. Yet, this was no time to wallow in self-pity; he needed to be serene so he could help Dean anyway he could.

Dean took a few deep breaths; his heart calming down as the pain subsided. The warmth of Cas’s hand giving him comfort and strength throughout the pain. When his eyes opened, he caught a glimpse of Cas’s anxious expression, before it melted into nothingness, and be replaced with… a mask. Cas was apparently used to hiding his emotions, but he couldn’t fool Dean. Yes, he hadn’t known Cas for long, but he was sure no one had catalogued that face like he has in their few meetings.

“It’s just my left leg being a pain in the ass; I had surgery a few months ago and I’m still… it has been a slow recovery. But the pain is gone now,” he felt better; the pain just took him by surprise _. Fuck, Cas could put whatever mask he wanted but those baby blues couldn’t lie; they were drilling a whole in his soul and it was beginning to be too much._

“Really Cas, I’m feeling better; please stop looking at me like that, _I don’t want your pity_ ,” he rasped as his jaw clenched. _Shit_ , he didn’t mean that; he knew Cas wasn’t looking at him with pity, but he couldn’t take all the concern in those azure eyes. At those words Cas’s face fell; blue eyes saying everything his lips didn’t and Dean felt like the biggest asshole in the world. The strong and warn hand on his arm instantly slipped away; a frigid cold taking its place and making him shiver.

“Cas, I…I… didn’t meant that, I’m sorr---,” he could barely get the words out of his throat; it felt like sand had clogged it. His hands were clenching and unclenching on his sides; wanting to reach for Cas and cup his face. And his feet wanted to run from there and leave behind the stupid words that came out of his mouth.

“No, don’t… no apologies Dean; I was the one in the wrong and I am very sor---,” Lifting his right hand as he shook his head, Dean stopped him before he could finish speaking. Of course Dean was mad; he had all the right to be. Cas felt like the biggest insensitive jerk; _where was his poker face when he needed it?!_

“No, lets just drop the blame game right now. I’m fine and I didn’t mean what I said,” Dean sighed, looking away from his eyes; his right hand scratching the back of his neck. “I just hate making people worry, so… please, let’s forget about this,” Dean’s pleading voice coupled with those expectant eyes made him concede the point. Cas was weak against the man in front of him; what a frightening realization.

Cas nodded, his blue eyes coming back to life, “but I want you to know that I… I feel everything but pity for you Dean,” Dean was speechless; rotted in place like a giant sequoia tree. _God, what does that mean? He felt_ his heart was hammering in his chest a thousand miles per hour; Cas was really going to be his cause of death.

Cas needed Dean to know his feelings were sincere; that their friendship was important to him. He hoped those words didn’t scare him away; he had been told before that more often than not, that he comes off very strong in everything he does. Cas kept eye contact with Dean as he said these words so that he knew how important this was for him. He swallowed as his tongue wet his dry lips, waiting nervously for Dean’s reaction.

“Excuse me but I need to clean this row; the next showing is in a few minutes,” the delicate voice of a young lady interrupted; she looked at them apologetically. Both of them looked at her almost at the same time and then back at each other. He could feel the heat of his blush as clearly as he could see the crimson color spread over Dean’s cheeks; twin awkward smiles gracing their lips.

“Sorry,” was Dean’s short response as he walked out of the row while carrying the empty popcorn, and candy bag in one hand and the almost empty cup in his hands.

“Apologies and good night,” came Cas’s more elaborate reply as he caught up to Dean; also carrying his half-filled cup in his right hand.

They walked in a comfortable silence from the theater to the cinema’s front entrance. A gentle breeze swept by, ruffling their hair and caressing their warm skin. The sky was enveloped in pitch black; a few starts embellished it as if silver brooches, but they couldn’t compare with the astonishing beauty of the queen of the night. There she shone, full and gorgeous; her beauty indisputable, though Cas’s eyes had recently settled on a much more magnificent view. Dean was walking art; a masterpiece decorated with stardust on his cheeks and nose. Cas wanted to reach out and touch; he didn’t want this night to end yet, but Dean needed to rest.

The movie had been good, it was entertaining. Dean remembers some scenes, but don’t ask him any details because he wouldn’t know the answers. He had been distracted by the man seating next to him; Cas was to blame because, _why the hell does he smell so good?!_ Up until now, the smell of pie, had been the only scent capable of giving him comfort and capable of distracting him of his sometime shitty life; yet now, the sweet aroma of pie had fallen to second place. Cas smelled different than yesterday; he was wearing cologne. Dean had read in some magazine, that the fragrance of a perfume smells slightly different on each person, after it had settled on the skin; it was the result of a chemical reaction. To him, Cas smelled like something powerful and mysterious; of spices and earth, and of the clean air in the mountains. He wanted to bury his nose in the crook of that elegant neck and inhale that aroma; until his nose couldn’t smell anything else but Cas. _Fuck_ , he was getting weirder by the second.

“How did you like the movie? I think it was good. It had its funny moments, like the man with the orange shirt grabbing the two margaritas before running for his life,” Cas looked at Dean with a tiny quirk on his lips but it quickly disappeared. Dean’s face was a bit rosy; the pain on his leg must have been too strong. He was still worried but bit the words of concern before they came out; Cas didn’t want to upset Dean again.

“Uh huh, that was hilarious but some people love their margaritas,” he answered as he played with the car keys inside his jean pocket. Dean had enjoyed the company more than the movie.

A small smile tugged at Cas’s lips, “that’s true, I know a few…but I think it was somewhat anti-climactic compared with the other three movies. What do you think?” he couldn’t help but notice that Dean looked distracted, maybe bored; at this his heart sank. _Christ! I knew it wouldn’t take long for my lack of humor to be evident._

Dean truly enjoyed listening to Cas talk; that low, gravelly voice reached depths inside of him even unknown to himself . It was so deep and rough, yet at the same time comforting but, he needed to stop losing himself in Cas before he thought Dean was bored. He licked his lips and straightened his back; his hands came out of his pockets and rested on his hips while his bowlegs stood in a wide stance, “I’m with you; it was a good movie with a good amount of action, but the ending left me hanging. I was expecting something surprising to happen in the last seconds; thought they left it open for more movies with the other things that happened in the middle,” he replied while making eye contact with Cas.

“That is true,” he felt relieved that Dean wasn’t completely bored with him _yet_. Those two something hours had been both, paradise and torment for him; sitting so close to Dean and not being allowed to touch him; except for the blessed accidental touches of their hands, inside the popcorn bag. Not even the charm of Chris Pratt or the allure of Bryce Dallas were enough to keep his attention from being diverted to the freckled beauty sitting next to him. A moment later, his thoughts were disrupted by what had become one of his newest favorite sounds.

“So… where did you parked? I had to go around several time before I found a decent parking space for my Baby,” Dean didn’t want to go home yet; going to the movies wasn’t such a good idea when you actually wanted to talk to someone. Nervous booted feet shuffled on the concrete floor, while cold hands buried themselves again inside warm pockets, as his eyes set on soft blue ones. He wasn’t one to beg or to say stay, nor to reach out and grab a hold of someone, but his eyes were pleading like never before to those sky blues. His lips were burning with the words ‘don’t go’ and his nails were clawing at his thighs; imploring him to release his hands and let them hold on to that man looking back at him with so much naked emotion, that Dean must be imagining it. Dean couldn’t feel his heart anymore, that’s how fast it was beating.

“I…,” Cas couldn’t speak, _Lord Almighty what was this?!_ He was lost in the universe in front of him and he didn’t want to be found. His legs wanted to erase the few paces between them and his arms yearned to embrace that body. Cas wasn’t in control of his body anymore; his soul was and he shouldn’t give it the reigns because it was dangerous. He swallowed and averted his eyes; _get it together Cas, don’t mess up again, like a few minutes ago,_ he chastised himself as the finger of one hand ran through his dark brown hair; his feet shuffling somewhat anxiously on the floor.

 _I want to do that_ , Dean’s treacherous mind supplied, while his eyes followed long fingers as they buried themselves in dark locks. _How would it feel, to have complete freedom to touch your body with my hands? And also, with my lips and my tongue?_ His cock twitched with extreme interest at the thought and he had to move around a bit to shake the feeling off.

“I was thinking of walking to the park nearby,” Cas finally said, breaking the silence surrounding them. “It’s a bit after 10:15 and I should be going home to get ready for tomorrow but…,” he trailed off; biting down on a peachy bottom lip and then looking back a Dean with this fucking shy expression that made his brain explode. _Castiel Novak, you should be in jail because I am sure I won’t be your first casualty._

“I don’t want to go home yet,” Cas murmured in the sexiest voice Dean has ever heard. _I’m dead, yes- I am because I’m pretty sure I am floating._

“Oh, okay… um, do you… do you want company?” There! He stammered through it, but he finally had the guts to follow his desires for once, even if it was just for a walk in the park. His mouth dried out as the words came out, _what if Cas said no?_ Too late to take those words back, unless—

“Yes!” was Cas’s overeager answer; _Jesus Christ!_ He sounded too enthusiastic even to his own ears. Cas gulped, his eyes still locked with Dean’s and the smile that bloomed on Dean’s lips, melted the tension holding his shoulders hostage.

Dean tense body was flooded with relief at the word; sacrificing sleep to spend more time with Cas was more than worth it. “Let’s get going then,” he cocked his head in the direction of the park. It was a very nice place; his favorite feature was the big water fountain in the middle of the park. The colorful lights surrounding it, made the water reflect rainbows of colors. Sometimes, when he was feeling under attack by dark thoughts, he drove there; just to sit and lose himself in the calming effect the water had on him.

Cas was elated; his body buzzing with excitement as he walked next to Dean. He had a few questions he wanted to ask him; yet he was being a _chicken shit_ as Gabe would put it, and couldn’t get the words out. _Come on Cassie don’t be a pussy, just ask angel cakes_ , he didn’t like to have Gabe in is head; it was never good but he could agree that he was being a coward. So he took a deep breath as his eyes closed for a few seconds; walking always did him good and the nice gentle wind surrounding him gave him some courage. He could see Dean walking placidly next to him; limbs loose, his hands inside his jean’s pockets and a content expression on his beautiful face. Cas was so glad the incident from before didn’t ruin their time together; also, Dean didn’t look in pain anymore. It had horrified him to see Dean skin paled as his body was overtaken with pain.

Not many people were around the park Dean noticed, as his eyes glanced around. Well, it was late and a Sunday so it made sense; it was better this way, less unwanted interruptions for once. The breeze felt so good on his skin, for a summer night it was unusually cool but not as much compared to fall. He glanced at Cas who looked deep in thought; the frown lines on his forehead looked cuter than they should. _Was there anything about this dark-haired angel he didn’t find endearing? I don’t think so_ , was the immediate answer in his mind as he fought to control his lips from smiling. The only sound accompanying the comfortable silence between them, were the sound of their steps against the concrete. He looked at the darkness above him; twinkly stars adorning a pitch black veil, and then he cast his eyes upon the moon and as always she stole his breath. She might not shine with her own light, but that didn’t take away from her beauty or mystery. But then, he found himself glancing at Cas again and in that moment, bathed in the moonlight he looked surreal. Cas looked like something eternal and terrible, beautiful and frightening and Dean’s feet stop walking. He was frozen and he couldn’t think; his heart was fluttering desperately in his chest as if wanting to fly away from him.

Cas noticed that Dean had suddenly stopped walking and dread filled his heart. “Dean, are you okay? Is your leg hurting again?” He couldn’t reign in his concern as he walked closer to him.

A concerned familiar voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he realized he had stop moving. Cas must think his leg was hurting again or that Dean was a weirdo. He swallowed and ran his fingers through his short hair and then attempted a reassuring smile, “I’m fine, just admiring the sky; I got distracted… you must think that I’m such a weirdo,” he hope his voice didn’t sound as insecure as he felt. He wasn’t normally like this; he had always used jokes or false bravado to mask his true self. Dean couldn’t seem to do this with Cas; no- this change had begun after what happened with Andrew and started to go to therapy. Since then he had decided to just be himself; yet Cas made it happen easier.

“ _Dean_ you aren’t a weirdo and like you, I also find myself distracted by the night sky more often than not. How could you ignore such beauty? It is impossible. And also, one more thing we have in common,” he answered as his eyes gaze at one precious freckled face.

“Yeah…,” Cas always knew what to say to make him feel better. Once again they started to walk; lazily and unhurried, just enjoying the night, the silence and the company.

“So, I hope I don’t come off as nosy but…, no girlfriend to accompany you to the movies?” He had finally asked; the question had been burning a hole in his heart for days. Cas hoped his voice didn’t sound as nervous as he felt; his body was tingling in anticipation of the answer.

 _Oh God, this was it_ ; this was his chance to come out and…, and nothing okay, nothing. It isn’t like something was going to happen; _I might not be his type, he might just want for us to be friends_. Dean you just met him; what happened to taking things slowly and _we are just friends?!_ The way Cas was looking at him made him feel vulnerable; so he averted his eyes and suddenly the boring tiles below his feet had become very interesting. At least his hands were inside his pockets, so it was just a matter of controlling his expression. _Just answer the damn question idjit._

Cas didn’t miss not even a single movement of Dean’s body; he seemed uncomfortable, _did he overstepped? Probably_ ; _okay, hurry and apolo_ \--- His breath caught in his throat and his hands clenched on his sides, because _Father in Heaven_ ; Dean was looking at him through those luscious eyelashes as his rose-colored lips parted.

“Well, umm, no girlfriend…,” Dean trailed off, still looking at him with those bewitching green eyes that had him spellbound. Cas felt as a blanket of relieve wrapped him up; _no girlfriend_ , those words made his heart feel lighter all of a sudden. He was still basking in the good news when he heard Dean’s husky voice again.

“Or… boyfriend, at the moment,” and as he said those words, a pink tongue peaked out to lick at plush pink lips. Cas must have heard wrong because, Dean had just said _no boyfriend_. He swallowed hard; his eyes still locked with the irresistible man standing in front of him. His mouth felt parched and his heart couldn’t be thumping any faster. Cas hadn’t expected this; this was a very pleasant surprise but his brain couldn’t think of a thing to say. His body though, was a different story; every part of his body knew what they wanted to do to Dean. _Lord_ , he needs to calm down and breathe, act normal. Cas really wanted to ask for a repeat of those words, but it would be weird, right? The happy dance he was doing in his mind was unsignifying, but he couldn’t care less. _Does this mean I might have a chance?_ _Even a little one, please Dear God._

Dean’s hands were freezing inside his pockets; he had finally said it and he felt so much better now. He had always been upfront about his sexuality; growing with his mom had given him that freedom. It made him shiver in horror to imagine, how different his life would have been, if he had been raised by John. A chill ran through his spine at the thought; nobody deserves to be hated for being themselves. Cas was taking his time to say something back but, Dean knew this confession wouldn’t faze him; after all, Cas is the blunt one of the two of them. From where he was standing, the sound of the water fountain could be heard clearly; they just had to walk a bit more.

“Oh, I---,” and at that moment, the loud sound of a fire truck siren and a police car passing by, startled them out of their quiet conversation. The interruptions were starting to get extremely annoying; even in quiet places something or someone always intruded. _Was the universe trying to tell him something?_

“Man, that surprise me; my heart almost jumped out of my mouth,” Dean admitted while smiling and shaking his head. Then his eyes moved around the park; settling on the massive water fountain illuminated by colorful lights. Cas’s lips grew into a smile at the sight of Dean’s face; he looked younger somehow, his big green eyes sparkling with delight.

“Shall we walk there?” as the question reached his ears; Dean’s eyes instantly searched for the voice that spoke his thoughts. Cas was sporting the soft smile that always flooded Dean with a feeling of yearning; it made him want to reach for his own heart and hold it tightly.

“Yeah, it is one of my favorite places; I come here often, the sound of the water and the lights calm me. Dude, I don’t know why but, I feel much better when I leave,” _and why was he telling Cas all of this?!_ _Fuck, I sound like a kid_. Good thing they were walking and not making eye contact.

Cas could feel his smile grow wider and his desire to hug Dean close overwhelming; one look from the corner of his eyes and he could see Dean was embarrassed. He tends to bite his lips when he is unsure or nervous; he lowers his eyes when he is feeling shy; he scratches his neck when he is uneasy, and when he is lost in thought his eyes flutter. Cas wanted to keep learning the meaning of every little gesture of Dean’s. “It is very beautiful; I can see why it has charmed you. I might have to try it out and come here when I am feeling the blue devils getting a hold of me,” he responded while turning to look at Dean, a smile tugging at his lips. Cas felt a strange happiness and he didn’t know how to explain it.

“Blue devils, huh? What a fitting name…,” Dean didn’t want to think or tall about anything related to that; he had been feeling the shadows of sadness follow him around for a couple of days now. But he wondered, what could be the reason for Cas’s unhappiness; his mother? Or an ex-lover? He felt a pang in his heart at the thought of Cas’s ex-lover; he didn’t want to think of anyone kissing or touching Cas. _Dammit_ , he needs to cool down; Cas was his friend and he didn’t have the right to feel jealous. Thank goodness for the water fountain; he walked closer and dipped his hands inside. The cool water on his heated skin felt refreshing, and at the sensation his body relaxed; his eyes slowly closing.

“Yes, very fitting…,” Cas voice went quiet at the sight of Dean enjoying the water. Dean looked like an otherworldly being wrapped in a veil of infinite colors; the light highlighting his allure, every feature from head to toe shining brightly. Cas was by bewitched by such celestial beauty; and he wanted to touch him because he feared he was dreaming him. A few steps and he was next to Dean; his starved eyes, eating everything they saw. His hand was in midair, moving as if hypnotized; almost caressing freckled dusted cheeks, when Dean’s hands moving in the water woke him up from his enthrallment. He quickly dipped his hands inside the fountain before Dean opened his pretty eyes. Cas hope the mixture of colors hid his crimson blush effectively. _God, what had he been thinking?_ His heart thudded against his rib cage as if wanting to break through and escape.

“You okay Cas? I didn’t even notice when you came closer; you need to wear a bell man,” Dean said with the most darling smile; malachite eyes searching his face. Cas gulped, averting his eyes; he felt too embarrassed to face Dean. _Thank God for the cool water!_

“Yes, I am fine, just following your example,” his lips felt so dry; he needed to steer the conversation away from himself. As his hands moved in the water, he glanced at Dean who was staring at his hands in the water. “You promise me a funny story yesterday, do you want to tell it now?” Dean’s eyes instantly snapped back up and locked with his; he looked like a child when he was excited about something. It made Cas’s insides warm up and turn into goo; Dean was such an endearing person.

“Oh boy, we need to sit for this, c’mon,” he loved telling this story, not that he did it much. Probably only his family knew about it; he had never felt comfortable with talking about his mom with strangers. _And here you are_ , his mind sing songed much to his annoyance. They dried they hands on their jeans, and walked to the nearby wood bench, right in front of the water fountain. The bench wasn’t that long but, you won’t hear him complaining; his thigh and Cas’s were only a few inches apart, almost touching. Dean could feel the heat coming off from Cas’s skin and sipping into his; it felt ridiculously good. _Buddy c’mon, don’t start daydreaming again and get on with the story_ , he told himself; trying very hard, not to give into the temptation of spreading his legs a few more inches, so his knee could connect with Cas’s.

“Is it that good?” Cas questioned, tilting his head slightly in the most adorable way; while his cerulean eyes looked at him sparkling with curiosity. His hands were interlaced and resting on his lap as his back rested against the bench. _What a gorgeous man!_

Dean tried not to let himself be distracted by the little details he noticed on Cas’s face; now that he was sitting so close to him and could better appreciate every feature. And even though it was nighttime, the colorful lights from around the fountain provided good illumination. But enough of that, “you just listen and be the judge,” at that Cas smiled, eyes crinkling a bit; Dean was determined to get a full smile out of him with this story.


	14. ~I Don’t Think My Heart Is Lying~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s cheeky smile and the excitement in his voice made Cas grin widely; Dean looked younger when he smiled, the crinkles on the corner of his eyes making his lovely face shine with contentment. He likes Dean’s smiling face; that beautiful face was made to always smile and laugh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola amigos,
> 
> Here is the continuation of their Sunday night date and the breakfast date. Again it is unbeta'd and I think the rest will be as well. I know many of you are kinda desperate for the boys to get together but just be patient with me. I don't want to push it and make it happen when they aren't ready yet. But I promise they are almost there :) That said, I hope you stick with the story and enjoy the chapter. Please enjoy!
> 
> Kudos and comments are always welcome ;) 
> 
> I am going on vacation but I already have the next chapter floating around in my head. 
> 
> Happy reading!

“At fifteen, I realized I was bi. My mom and Sammy weren’t fazed by it; they were okay with it as were most of my family,” Dean didn’t want to get into details about John, but he could see the unspoken question on Cas’s face. Thank God, Cas was so polite he didn’t ask, but kept his attention on Dean as he continued talking. “Because I had told my family of my preferences and they were fine with it, I didn’t see the need to hide it from anyone. So when school started that fall, I wasn’t shy about my praises for both, boys and girls,” the smile on Cas’s lips grew a bit wider; his eyes twinkling with amusement, which in turn made Dean smile too.

“Some people looked at me with disgust and stayed away from me; others looked at me with curiosity and lust. A few approached me with interest and it was fun. But, there were a couple of dudes from the basketball team that looked at me like they wanted to smite me. They tried to intimidate me a few times; cornering me in the locker room and in the bathroom. I remember them telling me and I quote, “Better stop dirtying the school with your gayness, Winchester, or we will stop you”. As he said it, he couldn’t help the scoff that escaped him; almost coinciding with Cas’s snort. “Yeah…well, to cut the story short; one day, they finally decided to act on it. One morning, when I was changing in the almost empty locker room, except for two other kids I took classes with, after gym; the basketball dudes came in and pushed me against the lockers. The shortest one of them did waste any time and threw a couple of punches at me,” he could see the worry slipping on Cas’s face and he wanted to lean in, and kiss it away. It was too sweet for Cas to show worry for something that had happened 16 years ago.

“The first one connected with my left cheek, got me a bit disoriented; the dude was taller than me but it didn’t take long for me to step up my game. When he threw the second punch, I dodge it and his fist hit the locker with all the strength behind it. He howled like a hurt wolf Cas; his friend, who was stopping the other two guys from leaving, heard him and started to walk towards us. I didn’t waste any time and brought my fist up to meet the shortest kid face; punch him square in the nose. Dude didn’t know what hit him as he fell on his ass holding his nose and whining like a baby,” Dean had enjoyed punching that douchebag; he wasn’t the only one who was harassed by that asshole.

Dean’s cheeky smile and the excitement in his voice made Cas grin widely; Dean looked younger when he smiled, the crinkles on the corner of his eyes making his lovely face shine with contentment. He likes Dean’s smiling face; that beautiful face was made to always smile and laugh. Cas didn’t want to interrupt Dean’s story by asking any questions or commenting; he just wanted to hear his voice and know more about a younger Dean. He wondered if they would have become friends, have they met in their youth. Cas thought that yes, they would have become friends and perhaps even more. A sudden melancholy touched his heart, but he immediately squashed it because last Tuesday was the day they were destined to meet. No use feeling sad for something that wasn’t meant to be; the important thing was this moment and all the others that they get to spend together.

“I saw the other two kids run out of the locker room; I knew them, we had a couple of classes together and they were decent people. I suspected they went to get a teacher; so I didn’t think much of it and just focused on the other dude; who walking towards me with a murderous look on his face. I wasn’t a muscular kid though I was tall; so these basketball knuckleheads thought I was a weakling that didn’t know how to fight. Well, they were wrong; I was used to roughhousing with Sammy and I used to help Bobby around the garage. I also did some heavy lifting at the supermarket; helping Rufus and the others when the weekly delivery came in,” he left out how John had taught them some self-defense whenever they met. The incident at the school had happened after John had broken his jaw; landing him in the hospital for about a week during the summer. He didn’t like talking about John; he was like a dark cloud always raining on Dean hateful words that poisoned his mind.

Cas noticed how Dean had ran inside his own head again and he didn’t like the thoughts that made frown lines appear on his forehead. He wanted to reach out and smooth them out with his fingers. Whatever made this wonderful man sitting next to him hurt so much, he wanted to destroy it. He waited for Dean quietly, not wanting to startle him; there was no rush.

_Snap out of it Dean, don’t let him mess this up for you; Cas is here, look at him_ , many times the loudest voice in his mind sounded very much like his mother’s. It might sound weird, but it gave him some reassurance that in a way she was still with him and approved of Cas. “Sorry, umm… back to the story then,” as he said this; he rubbed his cool hands against each other and then lifted his eyes to look at the handsome man sitting patiently, waiting for him to continue. _Jeez, I must be crazy to think this grown ass man is adorable._

“The dude sprawled on the floor was out of the fight; so I had no need to worry about him. But the one walking towards me was a freakin’ monster, almost six feet; instantly I got myself away from the lockers to have more space to move. He was spouting insult after insult; I’ll spare you the colorful words. Then he launched at me like a rabid dog, but I was shorter, thus I could move quicker and dodge his poor attempts at punching. I let him get closer to me and throw a punch, but the swing was too wide. He let himself wide open; so with all the strength I had, I punched him right in the stomach. Then I sweep my right leg which was closer to him and I kicked his legs out from under him. I could hear him wheezing and whining while grabbing at his belly. I had never gotten into a serious fight before that day; only playing around with Sam and some friends. So I was kinda in shock; it was like my body just knew what to do automatically,” Cas’s face was priceless; Dean could see his excitement plain as day, like he had pictured the whole thing in his mind.

“Wow, I didn’t know you were such a talented fighter Dean, you must show me some of your moves,” Cas admitted; his gravelly voice sincere and expectant, it warmed the cockles of his heart. “And about your body reacting on autopilot to aggression; it is normal if you have had some kind of training,” he added, azure eyes gleaming with enthusiasm.

A small laughter got away from Dean, “I don’t think I can show you any moves Cas, at least not until my leg is better,” he murmured; rubbing his leg as tendrils of anger swirled inside his heart.

“I am patient, I can wait whoever long is necessary…,” Cas trailed off, his eyes moving from Dean’s hand on his left leg and back to ethereal green gems; those eyes looking back at his with a gleam of surprise. He couldn’t resist licking his lips as his curious eyes glance for a second at sensual pink lips.

Heat curling at the pit of his belly alerted Dean of the danger of the situation; dangerous because his body was fighting his mind for the reigns of his actions. He cleared his throat and broke eye contact; all of a suddenly his two layers of clothing felt overwhelming. “So, uh… I was ready to leave the locker room, when one of the teachers in tow with the two other guys came in. She was shocked; her eyes went so wide at the scene, that I feared they would come out of her eye sockets. The couple of guys at the door were sporting similar looks. After that, we were taken to the principal’s office; they called my mom and this is where things get interesting,” call him a mama’s boy, but Mary Campbell was such a badass motherfucker that he couldn’t suppress the excitement in his voice. Cas was looking at him with this intense focus that would intimidate or make anyone else uncomfortable, but Dean welcomed it wholeheartedly.

“I was sitting in the office with principal Crowley; a shot dude with a plummy British accent and a smarmy personality. Crowley didn’t even give me a lecture or commented on anything that had happened. He just glanced at me a few times with this creepy know-it-all smile; it gave me chills,” he admitted, faking a shiver and pulling another smile from Cas.

“My mom had been at work when they called her; when she saw me she almost freaked out because I had never been one to look for fights. After reassuring her, she sat down and asked what happened; Crowley started telling her and after he was done, she looked at me. She didn’t need to speak for me to know that she wanted me to confirm what Crowley had said. The guys that had brought the teacher had already stated the other two idiots had started everything, so I didn’t have anything else to add. I hated to give mom trouble and make her miss work, but it would have been worse if I hadn’t defended myself. I nodded and I saw as it downed on her, that those jerks were the ones that had been harassing me since the school year started. I didn’t want her to feel guilty; I had told her I will handle it, that it wasn’t that bad. Then, Crowley said the words that infuriated my mom, ‘Dean hurt two students and that merits suspension for a week. I am being lenient with him because---,’ my mom didn’t even let him finish talking; she just leaned forward on the chair, her hands spread opened on the desk, and looked at him with the most terrifying face I have ever seen on her. I will never forget her words, ‘Oh, so I just left in the middle of my shift at the hospital, so I can find my son hurt by some bullies; who had been harassing him for a few months now, and when my son defends himself, he is the one getting suspended?!’ Crowley barely had time to tell her that the knuckleheads had been suspended too. My mom was on a roll, you should have seen her Cas,” Dean had always know his mom was made of the strongest stuff, because she never took things laying down. Cas was still listening attentively, not a sign of boredom on his face.

“My mom took a deep breath to collect herself, but stayed in the same position and then kept talking. ‘They deserve to be suspended, they are bullies; Dean doesn’t, if he hadn’t fought back he could have ended in the hospital. So no, Mr. Crowley, my son is not getting suspended. If you insist on carrying out this ridiculous punishment, then I will go to the school district’s office and let’s see what they say.’ I had never seen Crowley go as pale or speechless as fast as he did at that moment; he gulped so loud I think the secretary outside heard him. I had to make a big effort to not laugh; he didn’t know where to look because my mom kept staring at him, until he agreed to cancel the suspension. After that day, nobody tried to bully me again. So what’s the verdict?” this was one of his favorite memories with his mom; it might seem strange to others but that day reaffirmed his mother’s status as his hero.

He was very impressed by Dean’s mother; she seemed to have been a very strong and hardworking woman, not to mention a loving and fiercely protective mother. “Wow Dean that was… your mother has my admiration. Her name was Mary, right?” he wanted to know more about Dean and to him, his family was very important, another thing they had in common.

“Yeah, Mary… Mary Campbell, she umm…changed her last name after the divorce,” Dean said his mother’s name with such reverence it was heartwarming, but he could see how he had gotten a bit uncomfortable. A divorce was never easy for the children involved and by Dean’s reaction it was safe for him to deduce his parents’ divorce hadn’t been on good terms. He needed to move the conversation to safer waters. “Lovely name, I am sure she must have been a beautiful woman,” was the last thing, he felt he wanted to say about on this delicate topic.

Dean had to look away from Cas’s eyes, because he couldn’t face such honesty, and talking about his mom had him turning into a cry baby. It was embarrassing to say the least, but she had been his best friend. He cleared his throat again, while he bit his lower lip as his hands rubbed against his thighs. “Thanks, she was beautiful and awesome. She could give any man a run for his money; I wish you could have met her because I am sure she would have liked you,” it was true, his mom would have liked Cas very much; he was a gentleman and hardworking. He loved his family very much and he was caring and honest. _Jesus_ , these feeling were overwhelming him; it was getting very hard to breathe.

Cas moved in his seat and as he did his knee knocked against Dean’s, at that their eyes widen a bit and their lips parted. _Was he imagining this growing tension? Was he getting his signals mixed?_ Because God Almighty, this is not how he and his other friends behave around each other. But he didn’t want to ruin things by assuming; he would have to wait and see. He swallowed through the lump in his throat, while his fingers tapped nervously at his thighs. “I am sure I would have liked her too and in a way I have met her,” his voice sounded quieter than he expected; Dean did a little head tilt that Cas found beyond cute, while his captivating green eyes gleamed with curiosity. “Well, I have met her through you…and Sam; she did a wonderful job at raising two good and caring men,” he meant it, every single word and he sent a quick prayer to heaven; praying for Mary’s peaceful eternal rest. The soft smile painted on Dean’s rosy lips was one of the loveliest sights his eyes had ever seen. It told how much Dean _loves_ his mother because to him, she may no longer be present physically but she lived in his heart.

“Thanks Cas,” _shit_ , his voice betrayed him, cracking like an egg. His eyes lowered at the feeling of the blush rising from his neck to his cheeks; he was making a fool out of himself left and right today. That’s when he heard Cas voice, it was no more than a whisper _‘so beautiful’_ and he felt his heart pause for a moment. His eyes snapped back up so fast he saw white spots, but just in time to see Cas look away nervously. No, Cas couldn’t have said that, he must have imagined it. But then, _why did Cas had that uneasy expression on his face?_ He decided to continue the conversation like nothing had happened; it was better that way.

_Fuck_ , his mouth and hands were out of control today; he couldn’t seem to help himself when Dean was near him. This wasn’t good; things could get messy if he lets his feelings override his mind. _I need to calm down; this isn’t my usual behavior_. He was still lost in thought, when Dean’s throaty voice cut through his pondering. Cas hoped Dean hadn’t hear what he said.

“Where you ever bullied?” Dean questioned in a calm voice; it seemed he didn’t hear. _Thank God for small miracles_. Cas felt as relief rained on him like a refreshing shower on a hot summer day.  

He shook his head, looking back at Dean, “No one dare to mess with a Novak boy,” at that Dean raised his eyebrows and Cas quickly proceeded to clarify, “It is what you think; I had never been a jerk, I hope,” Dean chuckled at that causing Cas to do so as well.

“I don’t think you can be a jerk Cas; you care too much about people’s feelings,” Dean pointed at him as he said that, forest green eyes sincere.

“Thank you Dean. Uh...getting back to your question; I had also realized my preferences before entering high school. I tried to be discreet, but the truth always comes to light sooner or later. Many of my classmates knew and didn’t care, but there were a few self-righteous pricks, pardon my French---,” the laughter that ripped from Dean’s chest took him by surprise; he waited until he had calmed down to ask what was so funny. Dean’s hand went up to wipe a tear that had trickled down the corner of his eye while he exhaled.

“Man Cas, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to hearing you swear,” Dean’s breathy voice tickled Cas in very inappropriate places, so he snapped himself out of it by thinking about Tippens and Mrs. Agatha.

“Well, I am no saint Dean, I swear but mostly inside my head; it is a place where a lot of _filthy_ things take place,” Lord, he hoped it didn’t sound as suggestive as it felt. He needs to keep talking; stay away from flirting. _God this was so difficult_.

Dean coughed, turning his head to the side and covering his mouth with his right hand. _Oh my fucking God, what the hell?! Okay, count, lets count sheep or, or fuck! No, no, no, no thinking about fucking. Shit!_ He was mortified; Cas that little shit was going to make him pop a boner. The furious blush on his face, burning his cheeks; thank goodness it was nighttime.

“Umm, as I was saying before, some of my classmates weren’t as accepting and even though they would have wanted to kick me around; they never tried. I was in a private school and my parents were one of the main donors; thus the fake tolerance of my gayness,” at that, a string of giggles followed; both doubling over as their shoulders rocked with the effort. Their eyes crinkling in full force as lips stretched in broad smiles and hands rested on knees for support.

“Our gayness has caused so much trouble,” Dean murmured as another giggle feast began.

After getting their bearings back, they leaned back against the bench; watery eyes looking at the water fountain for moment; it was a very pretty sight. It was so peaceful, so still; only them, the sound of their breaths and the water. Dean could live in this moment timelessly; sitting next to this gorgeous man, if only he could lean his head on Cas’s shoulder and hold his hand. Cas was the one to break the silence as a gentle breeze ruffled their hair and flapped their shirts.

“I know we aren’t children, but I will ask regardless; you can laugh if you want, I won’t be offended,” he spoke, turning his head to look at the freckled beauty next to him. Dean gave him an encouraging nod and waited patiently. “What is your favorite color?”

Dean couldn’t believe the extent of Cas cuteness; he hasn’t felt like this since he was in high school and dated his first boyfriend. Everything was so new and pure; the smallest gestures and the simplest words from Cas had the power to fly him higher than any drug. “Blue,” he murmured; like the ocean in your eyes, he wanted to say but didn’t. “And yours?”

“Green,” Cas’s voice came out as a whisper; those ample lips making it very hard for Dean to think.

Green, like the flourishing forests living in your eyes; Cas had to bite his tongue and swallow those words. They tasted like bile going down his throat, but he couldn’t let them pass his lips. “Do you like to travel?”

Dean had slumped a bit on the bench, his knees a bit more spread and barely an inch apart from Cas’s. He had stretched his right arm behind the bench; Cas could feel the heat rolling off of it. His left arm rested on the bench’s armrest, while he pouted his lips as he thought. He didn’t need any more reasons to fall more for Dean; every small gesture of his drove Cas closer to insanity. Cas didn’t know how long he could resist.

“Yeah, I do its fun but only where I can drive Baby. I hate planes, though if I’m drugged with those sleeping pills for flying you can get me on one. I remember one time, Sammy had to carry me in and out of a plane, after I had popped a few of those pills,” Dean laughed, eye crinkles making another appearance; Cas really liked them. His heart did a stuttering dance in his chest at the sonorous sound. Cas’s smile was automatic when he was with Dean; it was hard not to be happy with him so close. “How about you?”

“Yes, it is one of my favorite things. I love to see new places, experience their culture and customs; admire exotic landscapes and meet new people, hear the sounds of those places and breathe in the smells surrounding them and taste different foods. There is so much to see out there Dean; every time I visit a new place and talk to the locals, I feel like I have pacified the wanderlust inside my soul,” at that moment, Dean felt that if it was with Cas, he wouldn’t mind getting on one of those flying death traps and travel the world. Cas talked with so much passion about everything he loved; Dean wanted to be one of those things. _Jesus fucking Christ, I have never fallen for someone so fast, ever._ If he was being honest; he hadn’t felt like this before. Sure, he has been smitten a few times, but _this_ with Cas wasn’t that; _this_ was the road to something he feared and had wanted for years. _God, why are you doing this to me? Do you hate me? Why are you dangling in front of me, someone I have always wanted, but I’m uncertain I can have? You’re an asshole, you know that?!_

Cas was a bit embarrassed at how overexcited he sounded; Gabe has always teased him, saying he looked like a child talking about his favorite toy. He could feel the blush on his cheeks; once again he was thankful for the cover of the night. Cas shifted his left hand and glanced at his watch; he almost fell over with surprise. He couldn’t believe it was almost 11:30; time appears to fly when he was with Dean. Cas noticed how Dean had followed the movement with his eyes and then began to stand up; he followed suit.

“Next time, you have to tell me which places you have visited,” Dean said while they walked back to their cars; leaving behind the water fountain, with its charming colorful lights and comforting sound. The time they had spent sitting on that little bench had been pleasant, serene and restful for both his body and soul.  

“Of course, and when you go to my house on Thursday, I will show you pictures if you like,” he was elated to get to see Dean so often this week; Cas wanted it to be a repeated occurrence.

“Deal,” was Dean’s brief but enthusiastic answer, accompanied by a one of his small smiles.

The walk to the car seemed quicker than before; Dean wasn’t very happy about that, but he was tired so he won’t dwell on it. When they got back to the cinema parking lot, their cars and a few others were the only ones left. Cas’s car wasn’t parked very far away from Baby. He put his hand in his pocket and took out the keys and then looked at Cas.

“This was nice; umm… see you Tuesday. Good night Cas,” his voice was a murmur breaking the silence of the night as he gazed at Cas; even their breaths sounded too loud. He wanted so bad to lean in and take those lips into his mouth; lick them, nip at them and imprint his taste on them. _Jesus, this is torture._

“I had a lovely time; drive safe. Good night Dean,” whispering had been a common occurrence tonight with him, as if his mouth wanted to speak the words only for Dean’s ears. Cas didn’t want to go home, at least not alone, but he couldn’t risk making a bad move. He needs to wait and see how everything progresses. Cas needed to make sure, the vibes he has been getting from Dean weren’t a product of his enamored heart.

Gazes lingered longer than usual, refusing to part, but finally long legs moved and swift hands reached to open doors. One last glance from inside their cars and they went their separate ways; hearts contented, souls swirling with delight and bodies buzzing with distinct emotions. It had been an interesting night; they had learned more about each other and their feelings towards the other.

******************************

The annoying sound of his alarm clock woke him up from nebulous dreams. The only things he remembers about them were the gravelly voice calling his name softly and azurite eyes looking at him in a familiar intense way. Dean wanted so desperately to be right about the feeling he was getting from Cas. One clever hand reached blindly to stop the screeching sound as his body rested face up on a comfortable mattress. Deep breaths lifted his chest and slowly, sleepy green eyes opened to greet the light of a new day. The golden light illuminated the room in such a beautiful way it looked like a painting. He felt light from the inside out; he hadn’t had any nightmares and his leg hadn’t bothered him during the night. His left hand reached for his phone on the nightstand; he always checked his email before getting out of bed. A text from Sam, sent fifteen minutes ago made the cell vibrate; he immediately opened it, wanting to know why he had texted so early.

** Sammy:  ** _So, how did it go last night? Spare me the intimate details please; I want to be able to look at Cas in the eyes and eat my breakfast :D_

“Argh,” he wanted to roll his eyes, but he was still feeling sluggish. Dean wanted nothing more than to bring the covers over his face, turn on his belly and go back to sleep. He doesn’t regret going to bed almost at midnight, because he had thoroughly enjoyed the extra time he had spent with Cas. “ _Cas_ ,” his drowsy voice whispered as heavy lidded eyes closed on their own; Cas’s handsome face appeared in his mind clear as day. He felt his dick make a brave attempt at that, but he was still somewhat in the arms of Morpheus. The cell in his hand brought him back from slumber and also the time on the screen. “ _Shit_ , 8:12 already… gotta run,” he forced his lazy body to sit up and his long legs stretched in front of him as his back and head rested against the sophisticated nailhead trimmed, upholstered soft black linen headboard. Skillful fingers began to type a quick reply to his nosy moose of a brother; pink lips smirked as he hit send, knowing how Sam would react.

**You:** _Oh, Sammy it was sooooo gooood. I can still feel him inside of me, he was so big ;)_

Dean hurriedly got up and started to make the bed; he was almost done, when he heard the phone vibrate against the black painted wood of the bedside table. His lips couldn’t stop smiling; serves Sammy right for being such a little asshole yesterday. After making the bed, he reached out for his cell and opened the text; a rumble of laughter made his shoulders rock and chest heave. He had to close his eyes for a few seconds and take a few deep breaths to calm down.

** Sammy:  ** _Oh my God, what the hell you jerk?! I literally chocked and Jess had to come help me. What the fuck Dean?! How am I going to look at Cas in the eyes now? He teaches the class I take! I’ll have to change classes now. Oh God, I wish I could bleach my brain. God, Dean this is too much!_

_Jesus_ , Sammy was such a delicate flower and so dramatic; Dean should have known he would react like this, but man that’s what made it so much fun. He should leave the little jerk with that image the whole day, but he didn’t want Sam to act all weird around Cas. God forbid and the Big Moose says something he shouldn’t. Nimble fingers started to type a quick message as he walked to the bathroom.

** You:  ** _Oh c’mon Sammy, I didn’t know you were such a prude. It’s just sex, nothing you don’t know about… well except we use different entrances, but you knew that right? :D I’m kidding okay, nothing happened you gigantic princess. We watched the movie and walked a bit around the park; then went our separate ways. Now I gotta go, take care and kiss Jess and Caramel for me._

Dean set down his cell on the white marble counter top of his black; double sink vanity before hurriedly starting to get ready for work. He didn’t like to be late; at the clinic, they prided themselves in their professionalism, and even though he tended to run late when meeting Cas (he felt really bad about that), he was rarely late for his job. It had been his love for his profession and his clients’, one of the reasons he had fought so fiercely to keep afloat and not give up to his depression. After brushing his teeth, he took a piss and then got in the shower. Dean hoped the day continued as good as it had started. He hasn’t felt as lighthearted as he did now in months; though his pessimistic side was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

**************************************

Dean got to the clinic with a few minutes to spare and he immediately regretted it, because Jo cornered him as soon as he walked in the door. He groaned inwardly and chose to ignore Jo as he smiled at Krissy and then walked off to their shared office. But Jo was one persistent person and kept following him around.

“I won’t leave you alone until you fess up Winchester. Did you get lucky? Uh-uh probably no,” she trailed off; her curious eyes searching his neck, as he changed into his wine scrub jacket and pants. He rolled his eyes and looked back at her, sitting on the cherry finished, wooden desk like a little kid.

“Nothing happened Jo, I’m gonna tell you the same I told Sammy. We watched the movie and then walked around the park for a bit; then we split and that’s it,” his voice sounded flat and he was surprised, because he felt like he was walking on clouds. Now, isn’t that ironic for someone who hated heights?! The scream of excitement that came out of Jo’s small body startled him and his eyes widened. He pushed his worn out gray boots aside and stepped into his black clogs. Dean waited for Jo to come out of her fangirling mode before he asked if she was okay.

She hopped from the desk and almost jogged the few steps in between them. Jo’s hand came up to cup his cheeks and the smile on her face had no trace of teasing in it. He swallowed somewhat hard, bracing himself for whatever she was going to say; his hands resting on his side, desperate to get busy. “You guys are too cute; _that was a date_ Dean. You haven’t done anything like that since freshman year, _in college_. You’re really into this guy huh,” she wasn’t asking; the women in his family were frighteningly intuitive.

“Cas, his name is Cas,” his voice came out as a murmur; Cas’ name rolled off of his tongue sounding like a prayer and a pleasant chill ran down his spine.

Now Jo was beaming at him; her thumbs caressing his now burning cheeks. “Cas, got it; Dea---,” a firm knock on the door interrupted the moment and then Krissy’s face peeked into the office, “we’re open bosses; we have a new patient and Mrs. Gutierrez,” she announced before closing the door.

Dean and Jo looked back at each other and smiled, and then walked out of the office. In a way, he was grateful for the interruption; he didn’t feel comfortable talking about his newfound feelings for Cas. He felt strangely protective of everything Cas related. Dean didn’t want to share their moments together or the words exchanged during those times with anyone; they belonged only to the both of them. He couldn’t wait for tomorrow morning; his chest was brimming with anticipation and was threatening to burst at any moment. Dean only wished this feeling would last indefinitely.

**************************************

It had been a long day for Cas at the dojo; between the anti-bulling workshop earlier that morning and the lessons throughout the day, he had been working non-stop. He was ready to close shop and go home, when Gabe and Balt as usual did as they pleased and dropped by without notice. Cas had already changed into his regular clothes and was sitting on the office chair putting on his black Converse; while Balt and Gabe ransacked the mini fridge for drinks and food. His shoulders ached as did most of his body; _I should visit a chiropractor_ , he thought and at that he fought a smile wanting to bloom on his lips. Unfortunately, as usual his brother and best friend had eagle eyes and discernment that would put any fortune teller to shame.

“Ooh, what do we have here? Hmmm, our Cassie apparently is remembering something bloody pleasant. So the date with Dean went down like a bomb, I gather from that jolly grin. Did some hanky panky or banging happen? Please, do tell,” Balt commented, purposely speaking in that plummy voice he knew annoyed Cas. The expression of mischief on his face making him look twenty something again; Cas couldn’t help but to smile fondly as he shook his head.

“No banging or hanky panky Balt; we are friends, I think I need to record this on my phone and play it every time I see you guys,” his voice sounded as tired and monotonous as his body felt. He just wanted to go home; see his little tyrants, take a long shower and then black out until tomorrow morning. _Tomorrow morning_ , he wanted it to be here already. He couldn’t think of a better way to start any day than seeing Dean’s face first thing in the morning.

“What a cheeky monkey you have turned out to be Cassie,” Balt accused, walking closer to him and stretching his tanned arm; a long fingered hand landing on his head and ruffling his already mussy hair. He pushed the hand away with the bit of energy he had left but Balthazar kept at it. Sometimes Balthazar forgets he is a grown man and treats him like a child; but the affectionate smile and expression on Balt’s face always melts his annoyance away. Balt didn’t have any siblings and his parents had never really been involved in his life; that’s why Cas was so happy he had a stable relationship with Tim and Jacob. Balt had told him many times that he and Gabe were his brothers. And Gabe and he also thought of Balthazar and the twins as family too.

Gabe was leaning against the metal desk, drinking pear juice and just observing everything. After a few seconds, he straightened and finally spoke, “when I’m I meeting Dean ‘fine piece of ass’ Winchester?” Gabe wasn’t really asking; his protective side was surfacing again and even though Cas appreciated it, he wasn’t a defenseless child. Yes, he had been through a very bad breakup, if he can call it that, but he had learned from it; now he knew he shouldn’t trust people so easily and needed to be more careful who he let inside his heart. Though the way he was falling for Dean so fast, made him doubt he learned his lesson. Whatever was to happen with Dean and their friendship, good or bad; he was already too emotionally invested and he wasn’t coming out of it unscathed.

“You aren’t meeting him anytime soon, because I just met him and I don’t want him to run away because of my nosy family,” he retorted; his back and head resting against the chair, legs spread open and hands resting on the armrests.

Gabe snorted, his face lit with amusement, “do you hear this fool Balthy?” he said, glancing at Balthazar who was now sitting on one of the chairs.

“Well, Cassie has a point love; Dean might run for the hills, especially when he meets you. You can be one annoying, handful and vulgar little bastard, Short Stack,” the affectionate tone Balthazar used to say it took away the sting out of the words. Gabe glared at him, a pout on his thin lips as he crossed his arms over his chest. Cas didn’t worry about it because Gabe was just throwing a tantrum; he couldn’t avoid the tiny quirk stretching his lips. “Don’t give me that look dearie; once people get to know you and your singular sense of humor, they end up adoring you,” Balthazar cooed walking towards Gabe; his long arms bringing him into a hug. Then, he glanced at Cas and winked at him.

Balt understood him, but that wasn’t the only reason he didn’t want his family to meet Dean _yet_. He wanted to get to know Dean better and have a more solid friendship before bringing him to the wolves den. Also, he was being selfish because he wanted to keep Dean to himself, at least for now; Cas wanted to bask in his company and enjoy his undivided attention. He knew was being childish and possessive but he couldn’t help it; Dean was so precious and Cas wanted to relish his presence. His reverie was disrupted by the vibration of his phone inside his jean’s pocket; he reached inside and took it out. It was another unknown call, “hello, **_hello_** …,” an aggravated sigh floated out of his chest, as the index and thumb fingers of his right hand massaged his temple. These calls were getting extremely frustrating, “whoever this is, please stop doing this, it is very rude,” after saying this in the calmest voice possible, he hanged up the call. Balt and Gabe had turned their full attention to him; their faces painted with curiosity. Cas sighed again, putting his cell away.

“I have been getting these weird calls since yesterday; one yesterday morning, then one this morning and now. The person doesn’t speak, I can only hear their breaths,” he hoped whoever was doing this would get bored soon. His eyes felt so heavy; he needed to go home now before he fell asleep on the uncomfortable office chair.

“Oh, really? That’s weird; it must be some kid, doing it for shits and giggles,” commented Gabe in a toneless voice, averting his eyes.

“Lads get bored easily when they have too much time in their hands. Don’t answer the calls, that should discourage them,” Balt had a point; if he didn’t answer, then the person would lose interest.

“I will try that, now let’s go; my bed is calling me,” he had to dragged himself out of the office; that’s how tired he was. Thus missing the concerned look Balt and Gabe shared before they trailed after him.    

***************************************

Dean was already busy in kitchen, making blueberry pancakes when the doorbell rang. Green eyes moved to look at the clock on the wall, 7:15; a smile tugged at his pink lips. How the heck did Cas managed to arrive at exactly the same time they had agreed on?! Not a minute before or after; Dean decided it was some kind of sorcery. He lowered the flame of the burner and quick steps took him to the front door. His heart was doing a weird dance in his chest, so he took a few deep breaths to compose himself; then an impatient hand reached for the doorknob and opened the door. One look at Cas and _holy fuck_ , someone shouldn’t look so damn attractive in the morning; he wearing a pair of very tight black jeans, a gray ACDC t-shit, red Converse and those damned aviators that made him look like a fucking movie star. _Oh, this spells trouble_ , he thought as his cock twitched in his jeans, thank God for the apron he was wearing.

“Hi Cas, c’mon in,” his voice sounded surprisingly steady and he was thankful; hopefully his smile came out as he intended as well. Cas could turn him into a mess in a second flat.

“Hello Dean, are you feeling better?” Cas was drinking the way Dean looked in that black apron like an arid wasteland absorbs rainwater. His taut legs took him inside the house and immediately his nose was captured by the delicious aroma of eggs and vegetables floating in the air. Dean was such an excellent cook; his eyes instantly closed as he inhaled the savory smell, and then his mouth watered and his stomach grumbled. An amused chuckled reached his ears and his eyes opened in time to see Dean’s blinding smile, before he covered it with his hand. If he could, he would reach out and grab that hand in his; Dean’s smile shouldn’t be hidden, it was breathtaking.

“I’m better Cas, but your tummy sounds like a hungry lion,” Dean answered as he started to walk back to the kitchen and directly to the stove. He was wearing a pair of washed out jeans, a plain white t-shit and he was barefoot. Dean looked at ease in the kitchen; his enjoyment while cooking palpable.

“I apologize; I didn’t eat anything before leaving the house, because I didn’t want to leave, not even a crumb of your food left on the plate,” it was the truth; Dean’s cooking tasted like home and he fancy that feeling.

_Jesus Christ_ , Cas was one smooth bastard; it gave him a lot of satisfaction that Cas enjoyed his cooking so much. “You’re a smart man Cas. I’m making blueberry pancakes; I hope you like them,” his back was to Cas as he was cooking; he surprised himself because since Andrew, he didn’t feel comfortable with anyone behind him. But Cas, that man was breaking his walls like they were made out of sand and he was letting him. _Why?_

“I like them, it happens to be one of my favorite pancake recipes. I think I should make some Apple Pie pancakes with vanilla syrup for you; just pick a day you want to come over for breakfast and I will make them,” only the sound of that fucking raspy voice was enough to get Dean’s dick at full mast. Someone better give him a hand from upstairs, because he was ready to tell caution to go fuck itself and finally steal those sexy lips. He had to close his eyes and take a few breaths before answering; another date with Cas, yeah, a date- fuck meetings, it was a date.

Cas walked closer to Dean; he hoped the invitation wasn’t too forward or desperate. He could see Dean’s shoulders raising up and down with each breath he took; he had a good posture, a broad back and shoulders, strong long legs, a delectable neck Cas wanted to nuzzle, kiss, nip and lick. His short light brown hair looked soft; Cas wanted to run his fingers through it and bury his nose in it. Don’t get him started on that tight ass; _God_ , all the things he wanted to do to it, he couldn’t even speak of them without getting hard. He was grateful Dean couldn’t see him, because he had to adjust himself in his already tight jeans.

“Those pancakes sound tasty; I might drop by next week,” he turned around to face Cas, who was leaning against the black marble counter top his blue eyes already on Dean. _Had he been looking at him the whole time? Jesus, I hope I’m not reading this whole situation wrong._ Dean just needed a bit more time to make sure he wasn’t misunderstanding the mood between them. He was holding the plate of freshly made pancakes on his hands, when Cas reached for it and their hands brushed against each other. A current of electricity, that’s what he felt at the contact and at that moment when their eyes connected, Dean could swear desire darkened those baby blues. He swallowed and couldn’t resist licking his lips at the sight.

“They are delicious; you will be begging for more and licking your fingers at the first bite,” was Cas’s suggestive response, as he slowly set the plate down on the counter; a cheeky smile on his lips. _Thank God_ he broke eye contact because fucking hell, Dean almost had a heart attack. Those words provided him with very graphic pictures and he needed to steer this conversation to safer grounds. _Dean Jr. please behave buddy._

Dean cleared his throat and went to get the pan he had used from the stove; he needed to move and clear his head. “So, how was---,” at that moment ‘Hey Jude’ started playing on the record player; it had been happening a lot in the last couple of days. Cas looked at him curiously and he shrugged, “I promise my house is ghost free,” he joked, a teasing smile on his lips. Cas gave him another one of those wide smiles that were quickly becoming one of his most favorite things. Cas’s gorgeous soulful eyes, long eyelashes, sexy stubble, chiseled jaw and the way his hair curls at the nape of his neck when he sweats, were among his other favorite things.

_Hey Jude, don't make it bad_  
Take a sad song and make it better  
Remember to let her into your heart  
Then you can start to make it better

“That record player is very old, so it has been doing that often; do you know the song?” he wanted to know more about Cas, even the most insignificant things. The frittata should be done in about ten more minutes; he calculated, as he glanced at the timer and finished washing the few dishes that were in the sink.

  _Hey Jude, don't be afraid_  
You were made to go out and get her  
The minute you let her under your skin  
Then you begin to make it better

Cas nodded, “I have heard it before; I like the message and it is a very catchy song,” Cas’s hand were spread on the counter top and Dean was momentarily distracted by those long fingers.

 “It was my mom’s favorite song; she used to sing it to me every night as she put me to sleep. That was my lullaby; she loved music and I inherited the same love for it from her,” Dean’s voice when speaking of his mother was so soft, almost a whisper. They must have been very close; it must have been devastating for Dean to lose her. Cas wanted to see Dean smile again; he didn’t like how sadness looked on that beautiful face.

  _Hey Jude, don't let me down_  
You have found her, now go and get her  
Remember to let her into your heart  
Then you can start to make it better

 “She had good taste. Your mother sounds like a wonderful woman Dean; you and Sam were lucky to have her as she was to have you two,” he meant every word, and his heart broke a little when he notice Dean’s teary eyes. Of course, he inconspicuously averted his eyes to look at the fruits set next to a cutting board. He didn’t want to embarrass Dean or make him feel vulnerable. Yet, all he wanted to do was close the distance between then and take him into his arms.

 “Yeah,” he murmured in a wobbly voice; he loathed feeling so weak. He needed to get away for a moment; _what would Cas think if he crumbled in front of him?_ Dean had been feeling off for the last couple of days. Cas’s company made everything take a backseat; yet, as soon as he was alone he felt this heavy, oily feeling pierce through his heart and penetrate his veins. “Let me turn the music off so we can hear each other talk. If you want, you can cut the fruits for the salad,” he placed the chalk stripped kitchen towel on the counter and almost fled from the kitchen. Dean knew Cas’s was looking at him; he could feel those concerned blue eyes following his steps. It didn’t bother him, but he needed some time alone to squash these poisonous feelings.

 When he got to where the record player was, he let it play for a bit longer. He took a few deep breaths as his eyes closed and a few tears trickled down his cheeks. His teeth bit hard on his bottom lip while his hands cupped the record player. After a few more deep breaths, he opened his eyes and wiped the tears staining his face with the back of his tremulous hand. He didn’t know what the hell was going on but he didn’t like it. Cas was here and he was wasting their time together; _crying like a weakling, may be John had been ri---, no, don’t go there Dean._ His hands finally moved and he turned off the record player; he wasn’t going to do this now, not when Cas was in the kitchen, waiting for him. Dean straightened; shoulders set back in mock confidence and his face cleared of any trace of pathetic tears; _be a man Winchester_.

 Cas was a bit, no- very worried; Dean had been gone for a few minutes, he felt like he was intruding. He wanted to let Dean know he was there for him; to listen to anything he wanted to get out of his chest, but that would be crossing the line. They hadn’t known each other for long and he didn’t want to make Dean uncomfortable. The heavy steps on the cream ceramic floor alerted him of Dean’s presence and his head snapped back up. Sadness suddenly invaded his heart at the sight of Dean; a small smile curved his posh lips but it was mirthless. He forced himself to smile; if that’s what Dean needed, he will do anything in his power to dispel the despondent atmosphere that had suddenly befallen.

 “I done, anything else I can do? Do you want me to squeeze the oranges for the juice?” he tried not to sound too desperate but he was failing miserably; thankfully Dean was graceful enough not to call him out on it. _His people skills were indeed rusty_.

 “Yeah, you can do that. Thanks Cas,” his voice still sounded a bit croaky but now he felt more in control of himself. Dean’s chest filled with much needed warmth at the sight of Cas trying to act as if nothing had happened. The timer for the frittata went off and he hurriedly walked over to the double ovens. He put on the striped mittens and then reached inside the oven for the baking pan. The smell was mouthwatering and again he heard Cas’s stomach growl; he didn’t fight the tiny quirk on his lips at that, it was too cute. _If the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, then you already have Cas’s_ , a fleeting thought provided. _Oh, stop it, don’t be stupid_ , he immediately chastised. When he turned, Cas was almost done with the oranges; having capable help in the kitchen wasn’t bad, he could get used to this. _Shit_ , he was thinking stupid thought after stupid thought today. He set the frittata on the counter and Cas’s eyes followed the movement.

 “Wow Dean, that looks scrumptious,” Cas praised, holding a handful of orange peel in his hand and walking to the trash can.

 “Not to toot my own horn but it tastes even better. How was the workshop yesterday?” Dean expertly started to mix the ingredients to make the orange juice; Cas was next to him, standing in front of the sink, washing his hands.

 “It was a success but it is work in progress; talking about it and actually facing a situation like that are two different experiences. But it was well received, so I think we will continue to provide them,” the mood didn’t feel as heavy anymore; though the feeling wasn’t completely gone.

 “Good to hear that; I’m sure the parents and the kids alike feel more confident now,” Dean was buying some time before asking the next question; not that he didn’t care about Cas’s work. Actually, he liked to hear Cas talk about it because he did it with such passion.

 “I hope so… what else can I do?” the eagerness in Cas’s voice was endearing; _why would his ex-lover leave him? Or maybe it was Cas who broke it off. Either way, the ex-lover’s lost because, who wouldn’t fight to keep such a man?_ Unless Cas had weird habits or a hidden, dark aspect of his personality; at that thought his eyes glanced at Cas and he didn’t detect anything deceitful or dangerous in him. Dean should know all about that; he had become an expert the hard way.

 “Get a couple of plates and tall glasses from that cabinet, please,” he replied, pointing with his index finger to one of the dark cherry cabinets near the stove. Okay here it goes, he had decided last night to just ask and don’t think too much about it. “Cas, Missouri’s birthday dinner is this Saturday; she asked me to invite you. I know we haven’t known each other for long, but she insisted I ask you; don’t feel pressured to accept if you don’t feel comfortable,” he gave Cas a side glance; Cas was setting the square white plates on the counter.

 Oh, that was unexpected; he turned to face Dean who was done preparing the juice and was now cleaning up the counter. He sighed, truly lamenting the timing of the dinner, “I would have loved to attend, but unfortunately I have another birthday dinner engagement. It is Balthazar’s birthday on Saturday and his lovers have this elaborate dinner planned. But I can always drop by for a few minutes, if that is ok?” The look of confusion on Dean’s face was too precious and he suspected why he was looking like that; it was hard for people to understand the relationship Balt and the twins had.

 “Did you just say ‘lovers’?” Dean’s eyebrows where almost up to his hairline; the comical expression making Cas’s lips curl in a smile.

 “Uh-huh, he has been in a committed relationship with a pair of twins; Timothy and Jacob for years now,” Dean’s face kept getting more and more adorable and the smile on his own lips kept growing. “I know people don’t understand how such a relationship can be serious and work; yet I have seen few couples love and respect each other as much as those three do. I admire them; they are good people,” he not only said that because they were family, but he had seen their kindness towards others innumerable times.

 “Wow, sounds… very interesting. But how does it work? You know… umm, I’ve never heard…,” he trailed off; trying to understand, not how they could love each other, but how do they kept at bay the feelings of jealousy or feeling left out. Yet, what made Dean’s skin crawl was imagining the more intimate times; he couldn’t imagine being naked with Sam and fucking someone together _. Fuck no, Jesus Christ!_ Dean was no puritan but he had his limits. He could feel the blush spreading on his cheeks and Cas’s face was brimming with unabashed amusement; _the fucker was enjoying this, little shit_. “Shut up Cas,” he pouted as he walked to the drawer where he kept the flatware. _He wasn’t a virgin dammit!_

 Cas could feel the laughter bubbling in his chest and his face was hurting because he couldn’t stop smiling. He couldn’t subdue his grin anymore, Dean was too transparent sometimes. “Well, I don’t know how the more intimate details work, but they are always offering free shows; so if you are interested…” he couldn’t hold it in anymore and a burst of laughter ripped from his chest at the look of Dean’s stunned face. His shoulders and chest rocked violently as his arms wrapped around his belly; he felt tears’ dribbling down the sides of his face while his head was thrown back and his boisterous laughter filled the air. He felt breathless, it felt good to laugh like this.

 Dean was frozen in place; he was honestly entranced by Cas’s jubilant laughter. _Holy fuck_ , Cas was the most gorgeous person he had ever met and he would never get tired of repeating it. The blissful sound of that laugher, made him feel a thousand sensations course through his body. He could still feel the darkness beside him, but Cas unknowingly was giving it a good fight. _His own angel, huh?_ Maybe his mom had been right about believing angels were watching over him, but miracles didn’t happen, especially not to him. He noticed Cas was calming down, so he straightened, crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes; he stood there _trying_ very hard to look upset.

 Dean must think he is rude and impolite; Lord, he had been so inconsiderate and when he saw Dean’s serious face his heart dropped. “I…I am sorry Dean, that was out of---,” a lighthearted chuckle split Dean’s sweet rosy lips and then realized he had been messed with. He had noticed that Dean made him have a constant smile on his lips; Dean has given him so much joy in the few days they had known each other.

 “Serves you right, you cheeky little shit,” was Dean’s response as he walked towards the kitchen island and getting closer to Cas.

 “Respect your elders Dean,” Cas chided, a teasing smile flourishing on his lips.

 “You don’t look a year over 30 Cas; start looking 34 and then we’ll see,” he husked; hoping Cas didn’t pick up on his mild flirting.

  _Where they flirting? God it sounded like it; when was appropriate for him to make a move?_ He should wait a bit longer; Cas didn’t want to scare Dean away. Good things took time to happen and he was willing to wait for the right moment; Dean was worth waiting for. “Should I start dressing like Mr. Rogers? I better warn you that’s my fashion inspiration during the fall and winter months. So I will look my age in a couple of months and you will regret it; I won’t be this hip anymore,” he said jokingly as he pointed at himself, never losing the smile on his mouth.

 Mmm, Dean was very curious now and he couldn’t wait to see Cas in that Mr. Rogers get-up. “Let’s wait and see; I might have to introduce you to leather jackets. Now let’s eat, we don’t want the food to get cold or be late for work. Do you want to eat at the dining table or outside?” his eyes settled on Cas while he waited for his answer; there was no better way to spend time than to look at that face.

 “Outside, if you don’t mind; the morning breeze, coupled with your cooking should make it a very pleasant experience. What do you want me to carry?” he got closer to Dean and waited patiently for his answer. Close like this, he could see his freckles better; they were like little flecks of stardust adorning his flawless face. He wanted nothing more than to trace his fingers on those rosy cheeks and delicate nose; kiss every dot as if a most precious jewel and follow the path they have traced on the sensual body in front of him. But for now, he will keep those desires locked in his heart, yet if what he was sensing from Dean was real; then, when the right moment presented itself he will let it all out, no holding back.

 “Here, carry this tray for me, c’mon lets go,” he took off the apron; sure steps taking him towards the kitchen door that would take them out to the patio; Cas trailing behind him. It was a beautiful sunny day; the sky was clear of clouds and the peppy chirps of the birds filled the air. The both of them started to set things down on the table in silence; it felt so domestic. Even when his relationship with Andrew was new it didn’t feel like this; it was more about lust than wanting to know everything about each other. After they had set the table, they sat down to enjoy the food.

 “What a beautiful backyard and patio Dean; once again I am impressed with your abilities. You are a man of many talents,” Cas eyes locked with his, every word elevating Dean to new heights; the darkness had more or less receded and it was Cas’s doing. He could breathe easier; his heart felt lighter.

 “Thanks, but I’m not that great you know… I just need to keep busy and I happen to enjoy domestic activities. Sometimes, when my mind needs decluttering; I bring out the lawn mower and let everything go blank,” he brought a piece of frittata to his mouth; he needed to shut up and stop sharing so much. Cas doesn’t need to know about such personal things, but he couldn’t seem to control his mouth when they started talking.

 “You are amazing Dean, just accept the compliment and get used to it because I am sure there will be plenty more,” when he glanced at Dean after drinking some delicious juice; he was once again overcome with affection, Dean was so sweet. “Cleaning has always helped me cope with a cluttered mind as well. I have always enjoyed gardening and I want to grow my own vegetable garden, but the house I rent has no backyard; only a small patio,” he regretted renting that house, but he hadn’t been in his right mind when he came back from New York.

 A smile tugged at Dean’s lips, of course Cas would be into growing his own vegetables, “Missouri and Sam are growing vegetable gardens; you might wanna ask them for tips when you start your own. Are you looking to buy a house? Because my friend Lisa is a realtor and she helped me when I wanted to but this house,” he wasn’t one to enjoy eating fruits but the salad tasted more delicious than usual; maybe it was because it was Cas who made it _. Holy shit Dean, you sound embarrassing._

“Thank you for telling me; I would love to ask them for some tips and maybe see their gardens. I would like to buy a house but I can’t seem to find one to my liking. I want it to be close to the dojo like my current house and a big back yard is a mu---,” a loud growl interrupted him; he has been too busy talking that he forgot to eat. Dean’s amused chuckled was music to his ear; he couldn’t suppress the silly grin on his lips. “Sorry…” when his eyes looked back up at Dean, it was to twinkly green eyes and white teeth gently biting a pillowy crimson lip.

 “Eat Cas or breakfast will get cold; after all, I cooked the frittata for you,” Dean thoroughly enjoyed the charming pink blush painting Cas’s cheeks; it was usually him blushing at things Cas said or did, this was refreshing.

 Cas felt his heart flutter at those words; Dean had been thinking of him, even if only a little when he was cooking. He was a simple man; those words would be enough until he saw Dean again on Thursday. “Thank you Dean,” he murmured as he brought a piece of frittata to his mouth. The explosion of rich flavors in his mouth wrenched a very embarrassing sound from his throat. He couldn’t even look at Dean; _God Almighty_ , he wanted the earth to open up and swallow him.

  _Oh, my fucking God_ ; that was one fucking sexy as hell moan, he could barely breathe. He was very, very glad the table covered his crotch because right now; Dean Jr. wasn’t behaving properly. His hands moved down to his dick, the palm of his hands making a useless effort to hold it down. Dean’s nipples weren’t behaving either; shit, his body has been neglected for far too long. Fingering, fucking himself with his ample selection of sex toys, watching porn and using his hands to get off wasn’t enough anymore. He needed skin to skin contact, warm skillful hands mapping his body, and a heated mouth sucking at his skin coupled with a wicked tongue exploring his mouth. Dean wanted teeth nipping at his neck and pulling at his ears; long fingers teasing his entrance and curling around his hard licking cock. He needed and wanted a thick, hard and long dick splitting him open and making him see stars. Yet, what he desired the most were words of affection, tender caresses and to feel consumed by the deep feelings between his partner and him. Dean wanted one thing: Love.

 God he had made it worse, his cock wasn’t calming down and---

 After collecting himself, Cas decided to break the awkward moment, “I am sorry for my embarrassing behavior, but this frittata is exquisite Dean; I couldn’t control myself,” his blue eyes settled back upon Dean and he got a bit worried because his face was scarlet. “Dean, are you okay?” he knew Dean didn’t like expressions of concern, but it was impossible for him not to care. He slid forward on his chair and waited for an answer.

 Dean gulped and after a few conspicuous deep breaths his throat finally worked, “I’m fine, relax okay; so I guess you like it then?” he tried to joke.

 “Of course, it is absolutely delectable,” he declared as he brought another piece of the tasty food to his mouth.

 Dean could follow the movements of that mouth forever _; stop it buddy, you don’t want to get in hot water again_ , he scolded himself. “Thanks, umm…so have you been back to Boston? Since you were born there and came here when you were older, you probably have friends there, right?” apart from wanting to distract himself from inappropriate thoughts about his friend; he honestly wanted to know more about Cas.

 Cas finished eating a piece of cantaloupe before he answered, “I haven’t been back in years; all my family lives here or in Austin and I really didn’t have any friends there. I used to keep to myself most of the time and people didn’t want to hang out with a glasses wearing bookworm,” he shrugged; books were better and more interesting than people most of the time anyway.

 Cas wearing glasses, that sounded sexy as hell; he wanted to see that so much. But he felt bad for younger Cas; he knew it was stupid to feel like that about something that had happened many years ago. Yet, he wished they could have met when they were younger; they would have become friends, Dean was certain. He grabbed the almost empty glass of juice and took a sip, and then reached for the glass pitcher to pour himself more. “Their loss ‘cause you are damn awesome,” he winked at Cas without realizing it until he had done it, _shit_.

 That wink was like one of cupid’s arrows, going straight to his heart; damned it all to hell, Cas really hoped the right moment he was waiting for presented itself very soon. Because according to normal standards, it was still too soon to confess his feeling to Dean, _right_? “Thank you Dean,” he was relieved his voice didn’t sound as breathless as he felt. “I have been meaning to ask you this since Saturday, where you offended by my views about religion? I spoke without considering your feelings and if I---,”

 Dean shook his head, mild doleful expression etched on his face, “Cas, I haven’t believe in God or in anything religious since my mom passed away almost nine years ago. She… she was a believer, we used to go to church dressed all spiffy on Sundays…,” he trailed off, sharp daggers cutting slowly at his heart; Cecilia had tried to encourage him to talk about his mother, but he just couldn’t… _so why was it so easy to opened up with Cas?_ The one person, apart from his family, he didn’t want to push away from him by talking about his fucked up emotions.

 A warm hand covered his and the soft warmth radiating from it, opened his shut eyes; when had he closed them? He didn’t know but he didn’t care; all that mattered was that hand giving him comfort. Cas was the light dissipating the shadows and he wanted to hold on to it desperately. Yet, he knew no one could fight his demons but him; Cas wasn’t his lifeline, he didn’t want him to be either. Cas was becoming much more important than that. He couldn’t form words; he tried to open his mouth and talk but couldn’t.

 “Dean, I know we haven’t known each other for long, but I want you to know that I am here for you. I might not have the right words you need and I don’t know what you have been through; I will never be able to imagine or understand your pain, but my ears are yours. I can listen at any time, you just have to call,” each word Cas spoke felt like a breath of fresh air and Dean little by little began to breathe easier. He still couldn’t speak but he knew he didn’t have to; the silence between then was comfortable, a conversation without words.

 “Now, last night you asked me which countries I have traveled to; it isn’t that long of a list, but I know I am lucky enough to have traveled so much compare to others. While I was a university student I spend my summers in different countries with my family. I have been to Spain, Chile, Mexico, Japan, Italy, Germany, New Zealand, Australia, Dominican Republic and Haiti; all lovely countries, I would like to visit Egypt and Syrian in the future,” Dean had this bug eyed expression that warmed his heart; that’s what he wanted, to distract him a bit from his dark thoughts. Cas was so worried; he wished he could visit Dean again tomorrow and keep him company. Cas had gone through a period of depression; sometimes he still felt it clutches, and he had an idea of how it felt to be surrounded by torturous thoughts and hellish feelings.

 “Dude, what you mean it’s a short list?! You have traveled more than most ever will,” Cas was way out of his league; too interesting, well read, well off, emotionally stable and drop-dead-gorgeous to be associated and tainted by someone like Dean. His own words pierced through his heart like a sharpened blade; the truth always hurts. _Fuck, now he felt gloomy again_.

 “That’s true and I am grateful. Uh, I have another question for you or not a question per se. Mary Rose called you ‘huggy bear’ because you love hugs…,” the pout he caught Dean making tore a string of giggles from his chest; his eyes never leaving the mildly sulky face in front of him.

 “Cas, you are a little tease aren’t you? Don’t worry, I’ll find something embarrassing to tease you about. I might ask Gabe for some undignified stories about you when I meet him,” he threatened jokingly, but deep inside he wanted to hear those stories.

 “Now I am scared, Gabe knows way _too_ many,” Cas retorted; the smirk on his peachy lips doing indecent things to Dean’s naughty bits. Now he was dying with curiosity and it must have shown, because what Cas said next, left him breathless and hot in all the right places.

 Cas licked his lips slowly; his tongue moving erotically as if dancing. “There might be a lap dance and striptease story in his collection of favorite stories to tell. I think he has pictu---,”

 Dean went to reach for his glass of juice, but ended up knocking it over, “ _Shit_!” he muttered as he got up, swift hands reaching for a couple of napkins. _Fucking hell this is mortifying_ , he couldn’t stop making a fool out of himself in front of Cas. Cas’s hands appeared out of nowhere with a few more napkins. After they had cleaned the mess, they decided to clear the table; it was almost time to leave for work. He hadn’t been able to look at Cas in the eyes after his clumsy display. _How could he?!_ Just imagining Cas striping and giving him a lap dance was enough to make him cum untouched.

 Cas hoped he didn’t go too far but _Christ_ , he couldn’t resist the opportunity to tease Dean. His coy, pink tinted face was irresistible to him; what a ravishing man Dean Winchester is. But Cas needed to make sure things were okay between them, “did you always live here with your family?” he asked as they put the dishes inside the dishwasher.

 “No, Sam and I were born in Lawrence, Kansas. We lived there until I was about 14 and then we moved here. I haven’t been back since; we don’t have anyone left there, our grandparents passed away years before we moved here,” he was grateful his voice was back to normal, even though his mind was reeling with inappropriate thoughts. Almost all the dishes were inside the dishwasher now; not long before Cas had to leave. It was ridiculous that Dean was already missing him; _what is wrong with him?!_ “Also, I forgot to mention on Saturday that even though my mom liked James Dean a lot; the main reason she named me Dean was in honor of her mother Deanna. She was a cool lady; I don’t remember much about her, but what I do remember is she used to bake a mean pumpkin pie,” he added with a fond smile.

 Cas closed the dishwasher and straightened, looking back into soft green eyes. “That’s lovely Dean; it seems the women in your family are a strong presence in your life. The ones I have met are caring and kind; you are lucky to have so many people who love you,” he spoke as he walked to the sink to wash his hands.

 “Yeah, they are awesome and nosy,” he replied with mock annoyance.

 Cas smiled at that, those crinkles had been out in full force today and Dean couldn’t be more pleased with himself. “Well, I have to go now,” he wished he could stay; it was difficult for him to leave Dean, especially when he wasn’t feeling so well.

 Lazy steps took them to the front door and Cas put his sock and shoes back on. Dean was waiting for him by the open door; he was leaning against the door frame, arms loosely crossed over his chest and bow legs in a relaxed stance. His face looked a bit more serene now; though his eyes revealed more than words or body language could tell. Cas’s legs felt heavy walking out the door; he turned to face Dean and at that moment he was more certain of his feelings than the day before. He was sure now that his feelings for Dean weren’t platonic; his heart couldn’t be lying.

 “Thank you for everything, Dean. The food was scrumptious and your company delightful as always. Can I…can I call you or text you tomorrow?” his body was buzzing with nervous energy; his sweaty hands holding onto his keys and glasses for dear life. They had texted each other before, but things were feeling a bit more different now, clearer. Also, he wanted to make sure that Dean was okay; he had been looking haunted since last night.

 Dean swallowed a giggle that threated to escape him; damn Cas and that sweet personality of his. Now he was more convinced that Cas could be interested in him; all that back and forth flirting had to count for something, he hoped. “Sure, anytime; I can’t wait to try your cooking on Thursday. I can try to get to your house earlier if I can and help you cook,” he unwrapped his arms and rested his hands on his hips; eyes discreetly memorizing Cas from head to toe.

 “I like that plan, take care Dean; have a good day,” his hands were insisting to touch some skin, but he stayed them. _Just a bit longer and then_ … The warmth radiating from the hand lying on his shoulder, to every pore of his body, made his skin buzz with immense pleasure; goose bumps, spreading on his skin like wild fire. He was paralyzed; his eyes wide and focused on the smiley freckled face in front of him.

 Dean didn’t know how it had happened, but his hand had moved on its own and did as it wanted. He didn’t regret it though because Cas’s face was priceless. This touch will keep him warm until he sees Cas again on Thursday. Thank goodness his hand wasn’t trembling or cold. “See you later Cas, drive safely,” he whispered; _why did he whisper?_ But then again, why would he talk any louder? If the only person he wanted to hear him was so close, _so close_ , he could feel the heat rolling off his body.

 Dean’s hand slowly moved from his shoulder and down his arm; fingertips setting fire to his skin. He couldn’t believe this was happening. Then his heart wasn’t lying or confused after all; this was real. He swallowed, his hands trembling lightly and mouth drier than a desert. “Thank you…,” Dean had left him speechless and it was only his hand. One longer look and he started to walk away and down the steps to his car. Dean was still standing were he had left him; bold green eyes looking right at him. _Does this mean no more waiting then?_ This was nerve-racking and exciting at the same time, but he couldn’t wait to let go. One last wave of farewell and they parted ways; hearts flooded with renewed determination and desire.

 *********************************

Dean had been in heaven on Tuesday and all of Wednesday; until the night came and with it the nightmares, the darkness, and the hopelessness and suddenly he was in hell…again. No light in sight to dissipate the black hole swallowing him whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to know what you think of the story so far or what you thought of the chapter. 
> 
> Sorry for the cliffhanger :(


	15. ~Drowning In a Sea Of Darkness~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He just wanted to drink the whole bottle of sleeping pills and pain meds, and then black out until the nightmares couldn’t reach him anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello darlings,  
> Enjoy the chapter and bring some flashlights. The title speaks for the mood of chapter. 
> 
> Happy reading!

 

Wednesday morning and afternoon had been beautiful, and sunny but a violent thunder storm suddenly rolled in out of nowhere, and with it the wretched memories came back in full force. His mom, John and Andrew were the source of his anguish. As the nightmares accosted him; the depression he thought was under control had surfaced again and the pain in his ribs, legs and head attacked him mercilessly. He just wanted to drink the whole bottle of sleeping pills and pain meds, and then black out until the nightmares couldn’t reach him anymore. Dean needed to go to work; the alarm had screeched at exactly 7:05, but he had aggressively pounded on it and turned it off. He didn’t want to see or speak to anyone today.

Dean just wanted to stop feeling and for the pain to go away. No work today for him, he had decided. It was irresponsible, but he couldn’t think straight or gather the energy to get out of bed. Making a monumental effort, he reached for his cell resting on the bedside table; his heavy lidded eyes still closed. He could hear the rain hitting the windows, as if wanting to break through them and strike him, and even worse than that, he could feel it in his bones. His mind was a callous enemy to his almost healed body; pain ridden memories shattering it all over again.

He wanted to take a bath, but it was too much effort; his body felt as heavy as a ship sinking in the sea. The only reason he had gotten out of bed was because he needed to take a piss. He wasn’t hungry, just the thought of food made him nauseous; making his stomach want to throw up everything he had eaten the night before. Dean had been fine yesterday; he had talked to Cas and texted with him throughout the day, but nighttime came and with it the relentless nightmares he loathed. He could feel their cold touch in his mind and in his heart. His body felt heavy, _so very heavy_ ; unmovable on the ground as a formidable force pulled him down, _down_ ; Dean’s entire being rapidly descending to the depths of the frozen hell he dreaded.

Tremulous hands searched for the anti-depressants inside the cupboard. He had been an idiot to stop drinking them, just because he hadn’t had an episode for a few weeks. Dean hadn’t told Cecilia about it; she would be so mad at him if she knew. He walked down the stairs and to the kitchen on legs that felt like reinforced iron; his throat asking for water to calm its thirst. Dean opened the cabinet and pulled out a glass, and then walked to the fridge to pour himself some water. The cold liquid touching his bitter tongue made him gag; water dripped from the sides of his mouth, wetting his sweat-damped white t-shirt. His watery eyes closed as his body shivered; a couple of deep breaths giving him a modicum of control. Dean didn’t bother to clean the water that feel on the floor and sprinkled his naked feet; every ounce of energy was reserved to go back upstairs. Darkness shrouded every room of the house, but he didn’t reach for the light switches to drive it away; it was useless. The somber mood reigning in each room was a mere reflection of the pitch-black thorny veil enveloping him body and soul. Each step up the stairs was a feat; it was as if he had been starving for days and his body was drained of all energy. Before he went back to his bed and succumbed to _hopefully_ deep sleep, free of nightmares; he picked his cell from the table and dialed.

“Hey honey bunny, what’s up?” Jo’s peppy, disembodied voice reached his ears.

“Jo,” his voice sounded strange even to his ears; a dead tone absent emotion. At least the pain that had been torturing him had subsided a smidgen, thus he could speak in long sentences, not that he wanted to though.

“Dean, are you okay? Your voice sounds weird,” now the cheerful tone had turned sour in his ears; _fuck here I go again, making people worry. That’s all I’m good for… a pitiful, weak loser_ …

“ _Dean!_ Hey! You ok, hon? Is your leg hurting again?” a more insistent and urgent voice questioned.

He swallowed a sigh, shaking his head slightly, as the index and thumb fingers of his right hand rubbed his closed eyes. “Yeah, I’m fine… it’s just; I don’t think I can come in today. I’m sorry Jo… I know we’re very busy and… Jesus, umm… I’m sorry you are stuck with me as a business partner,” _shit, fucking dammit!_ Wet fingers trembled as they moved from his shut eyes to claw at his thigh. The pain his blunt nails inflicted on his skin wasn’t enough to numb the pain dissecting his heart relentlessly. _What a pile of shit you are Dean,_ no, not you again motherfucker. _That’s why you needed me to tell you what to do, how to do things and how to live; you know deep down, you liked being dominated. You’re worthless; the only good thing about you is your face and that needy, slutty body begging for a cock. Daddy’s queer little boy…_

“Shut up, **_shut the fuck up_** ,” a voice cried out, _his_ voice- as a sadistic, cruel laughter boomed inside his head. The strength left of his legs disappeared and he staggered; falling to the floor on his knees and as he did, all the air left his lungs. The sharp pain he felt as his left knee met the cool hardwood floor ripped a wail from his chest; his eyes instantly filling with copious tears as his lips bit down on already abused lips. The fingers curling around his cell tightened as if doing so would lessen the pain.

“Dean, _Dean_! Oh, my God! I’m going there right now. I’m taking you to the hospital, wait for m---,”

“ _No_ ,” he breathed; swallowing hard, shallow breaths making his chest heave. Shaky legs supported by a hand grabbing onto the nearby gray arm chair, stood up right again. The effort filling him with a debilitating fatigue threatening to knock him out; he would be all for it, if he could be certain his demons wouldn’t follow him there.

“Dean, c’mon don’t do this. Let me---,” Jo’s voice was so full of concern it made him sick.

A flash of lightning so blue and brilliant bathed the gloomy room in light, a vicious thunderclap following soon after; its furious touch shaking the walls, and making the windows vibrate. Dean’s body tensed; every bone and muscle cringing at the dreadful feelings creeping like an infection inside his veins. The free hand resting on the armchair, and holding him upright clenched, as everything began to turn foggy and bizarre. The shadows of old and familiar ghosts swam towards him, and danced around him as if a ritual before a conjuring. It made his body break in goose bumps, not the kind he got from feeling good, but ones alerting him of horrendous things to come. A shiver ran through his spine as the touch of cold air hit his exposed arms and legs. He felt bonny, long fingered hands with sharp nails scratch his back, making him suck in a breath and turn his body to look behind him. _Nothing… nobody was there. Of course nobody was there; his mind was fucking with him. Was he going crazy? Apparently he was._

“Dean, I don’t like this…please _Dean_ …,” he didn’t want to talk, no- it wasn’t that; he really couldn’t, he was so tired. Suddenly, all he wanted was to sleep forever.

“I’m fine; really…I just need to sleep it off. Don’t worry, okay?” he hoped Jo didn’t insist anymore, because he couldn’t fight unconsciousness for much longer.

A soft sigh from Jo reached his ears; she and everyone in his family must think he is a burden. _God! He **is** a burden. Why was he alive? Maybe because he was too much of a coward to off himself; everyone would be fine without him. Everyone was living happy lives, but he was the stain on that happiness; maybe pills wouldn’t hurt so much, if he took_ \--- **NO! NO, STOP IT DEAN!** _Don’t think like that my beautiful boy; the light will come to dissipate the darkness, it always does. Angels are watching over you_ , Dean had to bit off a sob; streams of tears staining his heated face; the salty taste of his tears in a battle for dominance against the bitter taste inhabiting his mouth.

“How can you ask me not to worry Dean? You’re my brother, I love you…Dean you have always been there for me, _always_ ; during my happy times and in my most shitty moments. You were there when… when the doctors told me I was infertile. _You_ hugged me and told me everything will be fine, _Dean_...,” a broken voice penetrated through the speaker and he felt worse than shit. _Fucking dammit_ …

“Jo, please…don’t cry, I don’t deserve it, I need to go…,” _Jesus_ , he was such a jerk; only thinking about himself, wallowing in self-pity, and letting this fucking depression rule him. But he didn’t have the strength to fight; not now at least- now all he wanted to do was end the call and forget about everything.

“Don’t say that, you deserve everything good…rest and take care of yourself okay? Please Dean,” the pleading voice speaking those words, prompted him to gather his strength and move his feet towards the inviting bed. “And if you still aren’t feeling well tomorrow, don’t even think about coming to work. Get better soon, we need you,” she added, now more collected.

“Okay, bye Jo,” he murmured, voice thick with unshed tears and laced with a maelstrom of emotions slowly cutting his windpipe. His hand acted on its own, swiftly moving to grab at his throat; suddenly breathing became a herculean task. Dean’s body had turned against him.

“Dean, take care and call me if you need anything,” Jo insisted; he nodded, even though he knew she couldn’t see him, but he couldn’t speak, not even a letter. He ended the call just in time to see the room spin; his solid body falling against the mattress like an immense tree knocked down by violent winds. The veil of darkness shrouded his puffy eyes as sweet oblivion took him in its arms. _I don’t want nightmares. I just want to see him_ , was his last thought as his muscles relaxed.

“Ugh, mmm…no, _no_ _please_ ….ahhh,” a sharp, vicious pain woke him up from reckless dreams. His body was damped with cold sweat and his cheeks with warm tears; the metallic taste of blood in his mouth unsettling his almost empty stomach. Albeit the wooziness making him see double, Dean had to get out of the bed, and run to the bathroom despite the pain on his leg, ribs, and head. Clammy, trembling hands pushed up the toilet seat as he carefully kneeled in front of it; everything he had eaten yesterday leaving his body. Cold pearls of sweat trickling down his forehead, temple, and back; labored breaths quickly following. His body felt feeble and his mouth tasted like a rat had died inside. The taste made him gag, but thankfully he didn’t hurl again. After a few minutes, he gathered enough strength to get up, flush the toilet and then walk to one of the sinks to brush his teeth. Unsteady steps made the floor creak as he languidly walked towards the bed. The rain was still going strong; thunder and lightning in a competition for the most impressive exhibition of power.

Someone else, unfamiliar with the room layout, would trip and fall on their ass, or lose their way in the darkness, but not him. His eyes were accustomed to it, as though a wolf seeing everything bright as day. As he neared the bed, he heard the dulcet ringing of the doorbell. He sighed as green, weary eyes glanced at the alarm clock, 3:07 it read, in bright red numbers. _Damn, it is this late already?!_ If it wasn’t for the clock in front of him, he would think it was a lie, because his body didn’t feel rested at all. He was forgetting something important; the thought flapping in his mind like a disoriented bird. _Shit, what was it?_ The sonorous sound of the doorbell broke through his pondering, bringing him back to reality. Dean didn’t want company or to talk, nor to see anyone; what he wanted more than anything was to sleep peacefully without the _fucking nightmares_ hunting him. He forced his stubborn feet to move, they felt like lead; every muscle and bone in his body set aflame. Dean was trying not to drink the pain meds, but now he had no choice; the pain was getting excruciating to bear.

Dean took a deep breath before reaching for the doorknob and opening the door slightly; only enough for him to see who it was, clearly not inviting gesture. Missouri stood in front of him, carrying a covered glass container with both hands; next to her was Mr. Pascal, tightly holding his handcrafted, red oak cane with his left hand and a small book with the other. Every inch of their faces were etched with worry; frown lines wrinkling their foreheads, and tight lipped smiles barely containing the tension dripping through their eyes. _No more pity_ , he was so fucking fed up with how his family looked at him, like he was a broken thing. His body buzzed with the force of a wasp colony; fatigue and lack of sleep working together, and slowly feeding the simmering anger bubbling up in his heart. But he wasn’t letting it out; the people in front of him didn’t have anything to do with the hellish day he was having. The sky was still gray and angry, though the rain had stopped. The smell of earth and grass greeted his nose, and he couldn’t help but find it comforting. He didn’t miss the searching looks taking in his state; he knew he looked like shit if the way he felt reflected his appearance.

“Hola Dean, we didn’t see you leave for work this morning and figured with this rain, you might not be feeling so well. I also get indisposed when it rains, so here,” Mr. Pascal extended a wrinkled arm and handed him the book he was holding, ‘Leaves of Grass’ by Walt Whitman. “It is a poetry book; lovely, sensual poems gracing every page. I am sure you will enjoy it,” the old man added; his thin lips now forming the kind smile Dean was used to seeing. Tears stung his eyes; he could only offer a watery smile in return, lest emotion overcame him. Mr. Pascal understood, just like everyone in his family understood each other’s smallest gestures with just a glance.

“You need to eat young man. I know that when I am not feeling well, I don’t feel like cooking or eating, but you must. I made you my favorite comfort food for rainy days; chicken rice with mushroom chicken and confetti vegetables. Now, I know you are a picky eater with vegetables, but your body needs all the nourishment it can get,” dark skinned arms stretched towards him; offering the glass container as a small, affectionate smile encouraged him to accept it. Dean felt defenseless, very much like a newborn baby left inside a box by the door of a stranger’s house. It was too much; his insides felt raw as if they were swimming in a pool of acid. He needed to be alone, to be in darkness; even the dim light breaking through the heavy clouds hurt his eyes. _I wish I couldn’t feel a thing._

“Thanks ma’am, Mr. Pascal,” he rasped; his throat felt like sandpaper, every word causing him physical pain. Weak legs, trembling hands and empty stomach coupled with the agonizing pain racking his body made him see white spots. He didn’t want to faint in front of anyone; he had caused enough worries already. “I need to go eat this delicacy before it gets cold,” even his lips betrayed him; he couldn’t even form a fake smile. The looks Missouri and Mr. Pascal were giving him, weighted on him like a thousand pounds of sand. His eyes remained downcast, except for a few flitting looks he ventured; stubbornly focused on the wet porch floor. Dean couldn’t handle any more sympathetic looks.

“Okay sweetheart, make sure you eat all of it or at least half. You sure you don’t want company? I am going to bake wheat bread, you told me before you wanted to learn, come home with me,” Missouri asked, eagle eyes trained on his face and her fingers enlaced. Mr. Pascal remained quietly by her side, observing the exchange; his gray, thin hair carefully combed to the side.

He shook his head slightly, immediately regretted it; Dean was sure a hammer was pounding at his brain. “Not today, I… I need to go…,” an oppressive feeling settled in his heart at the look Missouri and Mr. Pascal exchanged. _I’m being a selfish asshole_.

Missouri nodded, her eyes never leaving him as one of her delicate hands stretched to softly caress his cheek. It took all he had in him to not lean against the affectionate touch. Dean physically felt his heart, his soul; his mind and his body crumble, like a sand castle at the touch of cashing waves. He had been fine; he had been _happy_ , yes- **HAPPY,** yesterday afternoon. _What had happened to make him regress to his worse days?_

“Call me if you need anything, okay?” Missouri insisted, giving him a last lingering look that made him squirm.

Dean nodded, eyes still averted; feet itching to move. He was upright only because he was leaning against the door frame.

“Enjoy the book and when you have time, tell me which poems you liked best. Take care, Dean,” Mr. Pascal will always have a special place in his heart; he had literally saved Dean’s life.

“I will, be careful going down the steps,” he didn’t deserve so much love, but he needed it, so he hoarded it like the precious treasure it was.

Missouri grabbed Mr. Pascal’s arm and slowly walked away; Dean looked on until they reached the white fence, and then he walked back inside his cocoon. His home was his sanctuary and it had almost become his dying place, but despite that it remained his source of solace. He didn’t know why but he felt safe here than at any other place; everything surrounding him held meaning and purpose. As he walked to the kitchen, book and glass container in hand, the lyrics of ‘Let It Be’ startled him out of his daze. The galloping of his heart sending a rush of fear throughout his body; he didn’t remember putting on that record, weird things had been happening recently. _Not that he believed in the supernatural; insanity must be claiming his brain_.

 _When I find myself in times of trouble_  
Mother Mary comes to me  
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

 _And in my hour of darkness_  
She is standing right in front of me  
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

 _Let it be, let it be_  
Let it be, let it be  
Whisper words of wisdom  
Let it be

When he got to the kitchen, he set down the container and the book next to each other. Reading would have to wait for another day, because the bright dots dancing in front of him didn’t let him see clearly. A surprisingly sharp pain in his ribs, hit him like a vicious bull goring at them; making him stagger as a howl flew out of his mouth. A speedy hand grabbed onto the edge of the cold counter top, while the other hand grabbed at his ribs.

 _And when all the brokenhearted people_  
Living in the world agree  
There will be an answer, let it be

 _For though they may be parted_  
There is still a chance that they will see  
There will be an answer, let it be

Labored breaths broke through the eerie air cramming the house; the shiver running through his body raising every hair on his skin. The cold sweat drenching his forehead and neck, making him feel like a snowman in the middle of a winter storm. Drool trickled on the side of his mouth as he breathed through his mouth. As the pain slowly began to recede, Dean straightened his body; slippery hands now splay against the counter top. A loud growl distracted him from the hopeful lyrics of another beloved song of his mom. _His mom_ , he wanted to see her so bad; he wanted to rest his head on her lap. Dean wanted her to sing him to sleep; he wanted her to drive the pain and nightmares away. He wanted and needed to hear her soothing voice. “Mom… _mom_ …come back, _plea_ \---,” the rest of the words jammed inside his throat; choking him like ropes around his neck. Warm tears fell on his hands; burning his skin as if droplets of lava while loud sobs racked his frail body.

 _Let it be, let it be_  
Let it be, let it be  
Yeah, there will be an answer let it be

 _Let it be, let it be_  
Let it be, let it be  
Whisper words of wisdom  
Let it be

 _Let it be, let it be_  
Let it be, yeah, let it be  
Whisper words of wisdom  
Let it be

Dean cried until his vision blurred; the last thing his distressed mind conjured was a pair of intense sapphire eyes. And the peace that engulfed him, he would never forget; it was as if he had a new heart and his soul was bathing in a warm light. This is what he had longed for all day and every day since meeting Cas; _his own angel_ watching over him, always. As his vision faded to black and his body went limp; he could feel the warmth of strong arms embracing him.

Tight muscles, a pounding headache, and a crick on his neck woke him up from slumber. His swollen eyes searched aimlessly for Cas. As he slowly stood up, it downed on him what had happened; he had fainted and his mind imagined what his heart desired. A couple of steps and he was in front of the kitchen island; _fuck_ , the food Missouri had brought for him had gone cold. A sigh escaped him; his now more focused eyes settle on the clock hanging on the wall, 4:16. “What the hell?!” _I blacked out for almost an hour_ … as he ran his stiff fingers through his messy hair, he felt a bump on the back of his head. At the touch, his head pounded fiercely, causing his eyes to close instantly and a hiss to rip from his throat. “Fucking hell,” he breathed, shallow breaths lifting his chest. “I need to eat…,” the thought made his stomach churn, but if he wanted to drink some pain meds he had to force himself.

Tremulous hands reached for the glass container whilst clumsy fingers pulled the blue cover off. As soon as the smell hit his nose, he knew it wasn’t going to happen. Quick steps took him to the garbage can, just in time to empty out the little food he had left in his stomach. His hands grabbed tightly at the sides of the garbage can and his chest heaved with the effort. He needed to get away from the kitchen; the smell of vomit, food and sweat was making him gag with every breath he took. Dean got up with some effort and walked to the sink. The cold water making contact with heated cheeks settled his quavering body a bit. He reached for the striped kitchen towel next to the sink; the soft material absorbing the droplets of water.

As he languidly walked to the stairs, the doorbell rang, _again_ ; he sighed at the same time his eyes closed. _Can’t he get a freaking break?_ He knew he was being an antisocial jerk, but _for fucks sakes!_ Today wasn’t the day he gave a shit. _Ignore it; go on_ , a flitting thought whispered somewhat maliciously. Dean was tempted to leave whoever was insistently ringing his doorbell, standing there until they tired of it. But his legs started moving towards the door before his mind could catch up. Just as before, he opened the door just enough to get his head out; he wanted the unwanted visits to stop.

“Dean! Are you okay?” Sam stood in front of him; his face painted with fear and voice laced with concern. He was holding a black umbrella soaking with water in one hand and a plastic bag in the other. His usually pressed and neat suit, wrinkled and his long hair damped from the rain. It was a strange sight; Sam always looked well put together.

“I’m fine, what're you doin’ here? Aren’t you supposed to be at the office?” Dean felt drowsy, he hadn’t eaten anything all day and it was taking a toll on him. He couldn’t stomach any food, so the best solution was to sleep. Dean had to suppress a snort; it wasn’t like he was getting any rest anyway. The fucking nightmares wouldn’t leave him alone. He didn’t remember them clearly, but he was certain some kind of residual ‘bad energy’ stayed with him after he had woken up. Missouri had told him that kind of shit could happen; he had made a face at her at the time. But maybe it was true, because his body felt extremely heavy as if he was carrying a dozen boxes full of encyclopedias.

Sam stepped closer, but Dean didn’t open the door to let him inside as he usually did. “Dean, you don’t look fine, you’re pale as a sheet of paper; are you in pain?” his brother questioned, whilst hazel eyes searched him from head to toe. Dean averted his sleepy eyes, as one of his clammy hands clenched on the doorknob.

“Sammy, I just need to sleep. You worry too much,” he retorted in a croaky voice, as the bump behind his head throbbed with every breath he took. The rain was falling again with even more fury, _just like that day-_ while the lightning and thunder engaged once more in a formidable competition. The cool breeze passing by was a welcome change to the mugginess inside the house.

“Dean, I called you more than a dozen times and left you God knows how many text messages and voice mails. Bobby, Marina, Jo, Charlie, Jess, Pam… we all called you,” Sam sighed; his feet shuffling on the wet floor and his hand clenching on the umbrella and plastic bag. He didn’t look mad, more like relieved; _did his family thought he was dead or something?!_ His heart suddenly was assaulted with guilt and an inexplicable sadness. _You’re trouble Dean; your mother must have suffered so much raising such a useless faggot. I knew since you were little that you were a mistake. Now- your brother- he is a real man. You’re a worthle---_

“ **FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU- YOU SON OF A BITCH** ” he shouted as he cradled his head with his hands; shutting his eyes and hissing at the throbbing of his head. Dean didn’t notice when his brother dropped the plastic bag and the umbrella carelessly, and hurried to his side. He felt strong hands gripping his arms and he flinched at the touch. The fight or flight instinct immediately taking a hold of him; his mind knew it was his little brother, but his body just sensed danger. With all the strength he could muster, he pushed Sam away; making him stagger and almost fall to the floor. His mind was in chaos; spiraling out of control like a sailboat at sea in the middle of a storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to know your thoughts on the story so far or on this chapter. I appreciate every comment and kudo :) You're awesome!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	16. ~Your Name Is My Prayer in the Darkness~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He ran up the stairs despite the pain consuming his leg, his ribs and head. And walked straight to the master bathroom; opened the medicine cabinet, reached for the pain meds, and then dropped three pills on his palm. He tilted his head back; the pills slipping down his throat agonizingly slow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys,  
> Our Dean needs all the love in the world, poor bby. 
> 
> Enjoy this chapter!

“Dean! _Dean_! What’s wrong? Dean, _please_ open the door. _Dean_!” the urgent pounding on the door and the desperate voice of his brother, agitated every nerve in his body. He ran up the stairs despite the pain consuming his leg, his ribs and head. And walked straight to the master bathroom; opened the medicine cabinet, reached for the pain meds, and then dropped three pills on his palm. He tilted his head back; the pills slipping down his throat agonizingly slow. The bitter taste made his stomach churn. Dean took a couple of deep breaths to fight the nausea bubbling in the pit of his belly, and then, he turned on the faucet and drank some lukewarm water. The pills settled on the top of his stomach like two rocks, but he didn’t care as long as it took the pain away, and made him unconscious.

The pounding on the front door had stopped by the time he came out of the bathroom. He would have to apologize to Sam and everyone else later. His body began to relax with each step he took towards to the bed; it was so dark, but strangely enough he didn’t feel intimidated by it. Dean crawled inside the cool sheets; his body tossing and turning a few times before finding a comfortable position. The phone resting on the side table vibrated as the screen lighted up, breaking through the pitch-black veil just a bit. He just wanted to sleep, but he couldn’t let Sam leave worried, so he decided to text him. His eyes went wide as they set upon the screen; 40 missed calls, 36 texts and 25 voice mails. “ _Jesus Christ_ , what…,” he couldn’t believe it; _God_ , he was really a burden.

Dean had worried his family again; John was right, he was trouble, a burden. He could clearly hear the _‘course, I’m right butterfly’_ in his father’s scornful voice. Strong teeth bit down on a tender bottom lip, warm blood coating it; the metallic taste filling his taste buds. The disgusting taste bringing back intense memories; memories he wanted to salt, burn and bury as if cursed objects. The insistent vibration of his cell shook him out of his hypnotic state. And he decided to type a quick reply to his brother.

 **You:** _I’m fine Sammy, sorry for freaking out. Tell the others I’m okay. Kiss my Caramel Frappuccino for me. Don’t lose sleep over me, please._

Dean threw his cell on the mattress; heavy eyelids began to droop and he didn’t fight it. He had this weird feeling that he was forgetting something- _something very important_ , because he couldn’t shake the urgency to get in his car and drive. But before he could give it any more thought, unconsciousness descended upon him; everything else disappearing from his mind. Except for a pair of electric blue eyes and gentle hands, “ _Cas_ ,” he whispered, as though the name held some mysterious power to dispel the terrors that assaulted him. Cas’s name tasted so sweet rolling off his tongue; sweeter than any honey he had ever tasted.

*******************************

The air was filled with the aroma of rice, vegetables and a variety of seafood; the tantalizing smells tickling at Cas’s nose. But he couldn’t enjoy it or felt any desire to eat the paella he had cooked for Dean. Impatient feet paced all around the spacious kitchen; his shoulders felt tense and his fingers played with each other in a nervous dance. Blue eyes settled on the round, black clock hanging on the white painted wall; it was already 7:32 and Dean had said he would be coming over around 6. Dread filled his heart, causing it to beat off rhythm; what if something bad happened to him? _Oh God_ … an unpleasant chill ran through his spine, as his mind provided him the most disturbing scenarios. He wasn’t one to give in to pessimism, but he couldn’t shake off the gloomy feeling. The food was ready, the table was set and he had bought an exquisite bottle of Grenache rosé wine. Dean had told him he didn’t drink, but he had brought it just in case. Cas was trying to distract his mind, yet his every thought came right back to Dean.

Mrs. Agatha was sleeping on the hideous, mustard yellow armchair Gabe had given him when he moved back to Dallas. He had wanted to get rid of it, but he didn’t want to hurt his brother’s feelings, and Mrs. Agatha was very fond of the monstrosity. Cas couldn’t suppress the small smile tugging at his lips, though he didn’t feel at all serene or joyful. Hurried steps took him to the living room’s round mahogany coffee table. He reached for his cellphone and checked for any missed calls, texts or voice mails; nothing- _nothing_ from Dean. His pulse increased and an odd fear took a hold of his heart. A creeping sensation of sadness moved his fingers to dial Dean’s number for the second time in almost two hours. Cas didn’t want to come off as a weirdo, but he had texted Dean a few times without getting not even one reply. He was usually more collected, yet for a reason unbeknownst to him he felt anxious.

_Howdy! Dean Winchester here, I’m busy right now so leave a message. I promise to call back before the apocalypse._

Dean’s quirky greeting coupled with the small laughter at the end, made Cas smile unconsciously. Cas hoped Dean was fine, that nothing had happened to him or to any of his family members. _Beep!_ The sound brought him out of his thoughts and he quickly left another brief message. A heavy sigh floated out of his mouth as he hanged up; then he decided to make another call.

“Cassie, my precious, how’s it hangin’?” his brother’ sprightly voice greeted; the sound soothing his on-edge nerves. Nervous feet started pacing once again, this time Tippens joining him.

“Gabe, how long should I wait to go to someone’s house, if they didn’t show up at the time they said they would? I don’t want to come off as a creep, but---,”

“Did Dean stand you up? You didn’t even tell me you had invited him over to your place. Little bro, you’re a sneaky little shit,” Gabe responded in a teasing tone.

“Gabe, _focus_ please. Dean wouldn’t do something like that; if he couldn’t make it, he would have called or texted me. I have left him a couple of voice mails and a few texts but nothing. I think something bad must have happened to h---,”

“Cassie sweetie, calm down. You have only known him for a few days; maybe he isn’t who you think he is. He could be an assh---,”

An unusual anger boiled in his veins at the harsh words, while the fingers curling around the phone tightened. His feet abruptly stopped moving and his chest constricted painfully. “ **Dean isn’t an asshole Gabe** ,” his voice sounded low and dangerous, as thought he was issuing a threat (which he wasn’t). Cas swallowed hard, closing his eyes; he sent an ardent prayer for Dean’s well-being and a quick one asking for serenity. Gabe hadn’t meant any harm by his words; his brother was just worried about him.

“Sorry… Gabe, I know I haven’t known him for long, but Dean… _Dean_ isn’t that type of person. I have never felt more sincerity in a person’s words than the ones spoken by him. He is _genuine_ Gabe; he is the realest person I have ever met. And I am not saying this because of my growing feelings for him,” Gabe was so quiet that Cas thought he had hanged up by accident, but when he looked at the screen his suspicions were cleared. His brother was _truly_ listening to him; serious- mode Gabe was rare, and at that moment he realized his brother was giving the situation the importance it deserved.

His lips, mouth and throat felt dry; the thirst and hunger he had felt while cooking had vanished. Since uneasiness had taken root in his heart, he had forgotten about everything except Dean. “I’m not simply blinded by desire or smitten by his looks,” another sigh escaped him; the fingers of his right hand tracing meaningless symbols on the cold, white quartz counter top.

“Gabe, I need to go check on him. I have this unsettling gut feeling that something is wrong,” he couldn’t explain the strange pull to drive to Dean’s house; he had felt it since he woke up this morning. Cas had always loved thunder storms and rain, but today he couldn’t seem to enjoy it. Dean’s voice and face had been commanding his every thought more than usual today.

“Then go, get your ass to Dean’s house, _pronto_ ,” Gabe spoke, in the most solemn tone Cas has ever heard from him. “And little bro, call me back or text me at any time. Let me know what’s going on, okay?”

Cas nodded, it warmed his heart to know he could always count on his brother for anything. “I will, thank you Gabe and good night,” he murmured.

“Don’t mention it, now stop wasting time and move your ass,” Cas shook his head, a smile curling his lips; leave it to Gabe to do a 180 in a second flat. He ended the call and immediately started to get things ready. Cas didn’t know what he was going to find when he arrived at Dean’s house; the mere thought of encountering some sort of tragedy making his stomach roil. He pushed aside those unwanted thoughts and went to take care of a few things before going to Dean’s. Whatever was waiting for him there required him to be strong, so he braced himself.

**************************

“ ** _No… mom, mom, don’t go… no, no c’mon, you can’t go with him. Mom! Mom! Come back! Ahhh_** …,” Dean abruptly sat up on the mattress; sweat trickling down his temple and covering his forehead and neck like a thick mud mask. His clothes felt damp and uncomfortable; the salty smell of sweat and the bitter taste in his mouth made him grimace. Labored breaths heaved his chest and the rampant heartbeats threatened to knock against his achy rib cage. Trembling fingers came up to meet wet cheeks; he had dreamt of his mom, the lingering image of her smiling face doing nothing to calm him down. A cold breeze came out of nowhere and at the contact with his sweaty skin, it made his body shudder. His arms instantly wrapped around himself; he was blind in the darkness of his room. Dean couldn’t hear the rain drops bump against the windows anymore, it must have stopped. He slowly turned his head; tired eyes looking at the clock, squinting, 8:13 already?! _Damn_ , this day had been both too long and too short.

A vigorous vibration by his left foot dragged his eyes away from the clock. He used his right foot to bring the phone closer to him, and then reached for it with one of his cold hands. Dean didn’t understand why it was so chilly in the bedroom; he was sure all the windows were closed, and he hadn’t turned on the AC or the ceiling fans. Curious eyes glanced around the quiet room; everything was as he had left it before he had gone to sleep. He decided it must be his fucked up mind playing tricks on him; it was easier than coming up with a logical explanation. The cell vibrated again and his eyes snapped down to look at the screen, “fuck,” his free hand came up to shield his eyes; the bright light was like a small sun, blinding him momentarily. He lowered the brightness and then went back to the main screen.

He had a few texts from Charlie, Jo and… Bobby (now _that_ was funny, because the old man hated to type; ‘Balls! This damn screen is too small’, he always complained), the fond memory made his lips twitch. Green eyes widen, because he also had some texts from…Cas. _Cas_ , just seeing that name had his heart fluttering like a bird on steroids. Dean kept scrolling down the screen; he also had a few missed calls and voice mails from Cas. _Had something bad happened_? The thought had his stomach twisting like a pretzel. He didn’t waste time with useless assumptions and listened to the last voice mail Cas had left him, almost half an hour ago.

_Good evening Dean, I hope you are well. I…I have texted and called you, but you haven’t replied. Sorry, um…I just wanted to make sure that you and your family are fine. Well, uh…please call me back. Bye~_

Dean’s fingers tightened on the phone as his other hand clenched the white comforter; he felt his heart crack, the sound of it too loud in his ears. Cas sounded so worried. _How can someone he just met be so concerned about him and his family?_ And it wasn’t just polite concern; it sounded heartfelt, Cas’s usual calm voice bordering frantic. Guilt assaulted Dean once again; its thorny grasp piercing his soul and bleeding it out. He couldn’t bring himself to listen to the other voice mail, it was too much. Dean didn’t know how to deal with Cas and the fucking disarming power he had over him. Ten freaking days- _ten_ and he was already addicted to a man that smelled like _home, earth, heaven and lightning_. A heavy sigh left him without air; he leaned back against the soft gray headboard, his legs stretched out, and his arms limp on his sides. His shoulders were still tense, they burned as if sunburned; the bump behind his head throbbing excruciatingly. He didn’t think he had a concussion; though he did felt nauseous, but that must be because he hadn’t eaten anything before drinking the pain meds.

A low growl startled him, but he soon realized it was his stomach; he brought his right hand to pat at it, the thought of food unpleasant. His mouth tasted like bile; his throat felt like stiff paper and he smelled like vomit, sweat, and drool. Dean didn’t want Cas to see him like that; pathetic, disgusting and needy. Cas would definitely give him the boot, if he knew how helpless Dean was. At least that’s what the voice in his head kept repeating on a loop; a voice that sounded very much like his own. _No, that’s not true, he wouldn’t leave you. Castiel is good; he is kind and truly cares about you_ , the delicate voice of his mother whispered. He heard it so clearly as if she was really there, sitting next to him. _Was he going crazy?_

The pain came barreling throughout his body like a stampede of elephants; once again in agony. Blunt nails buried in his palms as his toes curled at the crippling sensation; his mended ribs hurting like the day they were shattered. His lungs felt as if they had stopped working; his chest suddenly too small to allow them to expand. Each labored breathe he took was like he was breathing in sand. He felt caged, his disturbed mind playing tricks on him; mortifying him with the ghosts of his past at every dark corner.

As if on cue the doorbell rang and his eyes snapped open. He turned his head to look at the clock again; _who could it be at almost 8:30?_ Dean wasn’t in the mood to see anyone. The doorbell rang again; whoever it was- it was an insistent asshole. Taking a few deep breaths, he forced himself out of the bed; bare feet dragging on the cold floor. Going down the stairs was torture, each step a dagger to his leg; _I’m being punished_. As he walked to the door, he flipped the living room light switch; a warm glow illuminating the room. He didn’t bother looking through the peephole and immediately regretted it.

“Hello Dean,” in front of him was Cas, looking worried and beyond gorgeous; his big blue eyes giving Dean the peace he craved. Words escaped him; suddenly mute at the sight. His eyes widen whilst his mouth uselessly opened and closed; eyebrows furrowing after the initial surprise. A passing gentle breeze made him self-conscious of his appearance. He was still wearing a stained and stinky white t-shirt and grey boxer briefs. And if his eyes looked as swollen as they felt, then he must look like complete shit. _Great_ , the last person he wanted to see him at his worse was only a few steps away from him; looking at him in a way that made Dean, want to tell him his every thought. _Thank you, Satan_.

“What’re you doin’ here Cas? Did Sam call you?” _holy crap_ , he sounded super unfriendly. _Fuck, fuckity fuck, dammit!_

Cas was a bit taken aback by Dean’s rough welcoming, but he instantly knew something wasn’t right. He knew some of the signs in front of him; _shit_ , depression was an undiscriminating demon. The hand holding a black tote bag clenched; Dean looked like he was about to fall over. The dark bags under his eyes a telltale of restless sleep; he knew about that all too well. Cas finally found his voice, but his tongue felt too big and clumsy. “No… uh, Sam didn’t call me. We…we had a date today, remember?” he didn’t find any fucks to give about the word he had used. Semantics can go fuck itself for all he cared.

Dean’s heart skipped a few beats at Cas’s last words. _Date_ … damn that sounded so good; if he wasn’t feeling so shitty he would throw caution to the wind and kiss the fuck out of Cas. But just as quickly as he had let himself fly high, he came crashing down. _Crap! I knew I had forgotten something important, fuck._ Dean had stood him up, _oh Jesus_.

“I got worried after almost two hours passed and you didn’t show, text or call me. Dean what’s wrong? Are you in pain?” Cas didn’t want to make him uncomfortable; he knew depression loved solitude, it thrived in it, but he wasn’t about to let it have its way with Dean. Not if he could help it.

 _Goddammit!_ Cas… _Cas_ is here because _he cares_ and he looks as concern as he sounds. Dean couldn’t help but feel like a big pile of useless crap; a worthless waste of space. His feet were no longer standing on solid ground, they were sinking; he was drowning in an abyss of despair. It was consuming his body with its darkness and freezing touch; he had gone under, no oxygen to keep him alive. Dean felt callous hands holding him down; forcing him to inhale the nasty black smoke surrounding him like a serpent; the bruising touch of those hands, making his skin crawl and his heart collapse into a wall of angry, venomous spines. A claustrophobic black cage trapping him in place; the arctic cold air burning his skin with a blistering heat and the smell of blood, and desperation making his head spin, like a windmill on a windy day.

“Dean? _Dean_ , please _come back_ ,” the ‘to me’ left floating aimlessly in the cool air. The hand holding the tote bag itched to let it go and lean forward with the rest of his body, to embrace the beautiful tortured man in front of him. Cas wanted to smite the shadows that hunted Dean, but he knew he didn’t have that power. The only thing he could do for Dean was to be there for him; to support him and try to distract him from the malicious thoughts tormenting him. In that moment, Cas was absolutely certain, he was staying by Dean’s side indefinitely or until Dean tired of him; be it as a friend or something more.

 _Jesus Christ, this was so fucked up. Why did he had to fall prey to his demons today of all days? Why God or whoever the hell was in charge of destiny, give him a freakin’ break?_ Dean knows he isn’t a saint; he is a fucking mess, but dammit, he isn’t a killer or a rapist or an abuser. He didn’t deserve this punishment, but he couldn’t escape it. _Why couldn’t he enjoy life without the mountain of issues trailing after him?_ A sigh floated out of his parched mouth and with it his body deflated. Dean was so tired of everything; of being fine for a few days and then suddenly being thrown back into the middle of a war he felt he was losing. His hands started to close the crimson door slowly; each bit of Cas disappearing behind it, felt like a bear trap closing around his heart. An aggressive tremor raked his body; he had to tighten his clammy hands on the doorknob to avoid falling on his ass. He swallowed forcefully; his breathing becoming ragged. _Not again, please… not in front of Cas_.

“I…I think it’s better if…if you leave Cas. I…I need to…,” his croaky voice trailed off; green eyes purposely downcast to avoid unfathomable blue eyes that read his soul like a children’s book.

Cas heart froze in his chest at those words; his brain imploring to God with every prayer he knew that his next words could get through Dean. He feared for Dean; Cas didn’t want to leave him as he was right now. Cas took a deep breath to calm down, his eyes never leaving Dean’s face. His hands clenched on the sides and then relaxed, while impatient feet shuffled slightly on the damped porch floor. “Dean, please don’t ask that of me. I care for you, very much…I… I feel a profound affection towards you, _please let me in_ ,” Dean’s heart literally stopped; the weakness he felt, doubling. If his legs felt like jelly before, now they felt like blocks of ice in the dessert. _Profound affection, what does that mean Angel?_

Cas didn’t want to make this about him or talk too much and reveal the extent of his feelings. He didn’t want to take advantage of Dean’s state of mind and agitate him. So he quickly continued, noticing how Dean’s green eyes had widened, his mouth agape. “We are…we are friends right?”

If he wasn’t feeling so vulnerable he would laugh; of course Cas didn’t mean anything more by those words. Dean should feel happy that Cas still wanted to be his friend. He liked Cas and not only in a romantic way. But then, _why did those words hurt so much? Why was he so fucking greedy?_ Maybe that’s because he had never wanted something or someone so much before. Dean had never felt so much yearning; he had learned to stop wanting impossible things, he had learned to give up. _Yet_ , _with Cas was different_ ; God help him, Dean couldn’t turn around and walk away. It was stupid and senseless, but he felt this inexplicable pull every time Cas was near. It was as if Cas was this powerful magnet attracting him; overpowering his will. And the pull didn’t feel unpleasant, no- it felt so good that Dean wanted to stop resisting and just give into the attraction. But Cas didn’t feel the same way and knowing that, carved into Dean’s heart like a chisel, because Dean was so gone for him already.

“Cas…I---,” but before he could finish; a feather light touch on his exposed left arm brought his eyes upward to sink into limpid pools of blue. Dean could have sworn Cas’s palm burned his skin, leaving a hand print; it was such an intense sensation he had to look at the spot just to make sure. _Jesus, he was really going crazy._ Dean wanted so bad to cover that impossibly tender hand with his own, but even in his insanity he didn’t have the guts. His eyes slowly returned to Cas’s piercing ones; the heated hand languidly retreating and taking with it all the warmth.

 _What was that?_ Cas resisted the bizarre urge to bring his hand to rest on his heart. If Cas wasn’t a rational man, he would think he touched more than Dean’s skin. He gulped, thousands of small quakes rocking him from the inside out. _Cas, come back to your senses, this isn’t the time to think about your feelings,_ his own voice reprimanded. “ _Please Dean_ ,” he whispered.

 _Fucking hell, what the fuck?_ His teeth once again buried on a broken lip, trying to contain so many things he wasn’t allowed to say. Two words… _two simple fucking words and his walls were obliterated, just like that. How could Cas do that? How could he strip Dean so easily of his carefully built armor?_ Dean was scared shitless and then as quickly, he wasn’t; he was at the bottom of the well already. The only option he had was to go up, even if that meant he might fall again.

Cas’s body was standing on sharp red-hot nails; terrified to hear Dean’s rejection. His mind whirling and trying to find ways to help Dean indirectly if he---

The soft creaking of the door interrupted his thoughts; Dean was standing aside, door wide open. The bright light from inside the house, giving him an ethereal glow and even though his eyes looked somewhat dull; he was still incredibly handsome. Cas couldn’t believe his plea had been answered, but he was deeply grateful.

“Are you coming in or what?” he question in what he hoped sounded lighthearted. Dean didn’t understand why it had been Cas the one to shatter his resolve of being alone. _Why Cas and not his brother or Missouri and Mr. Pascal?_ He still felt sluggish and woozy; he still felt shadows creeping by, but he also felt _lighter_.

At the words Cas’s feet promptly moved, taking him inside the brightly lit living room. The air felt muggy and overwhelming; the pungent smell filling the air a hit to his nose. Suddenly the memories of his own dark days danced in front of him, but immediately he fought them off. He was here for Dean and he needed to be strong for him. His eyes followed every move of Dean’s; taking in his poor state. Everything from his stained t-shirt to his sunken eyes; bruised lips and pale complexion spoke of the awful day he have had. The languid moment of his body told Cas he hadn’t eaten well or at all; the condition of his clothes proof that he hadn’t taken a bath. Cas’s heart clenched in his chest; he couldn’t bear to see Dean, such a brilliant and wonderful person swallowed whole by despondency.

As they left the living room behind and entered the kitchen area; Cas noticed the gun resting on the kitchen table and next to it a bottle of prescription pills. If his heart had clenched before, now it threatened to jump out of his chest; his stomach painfully twisting into knots. His hands felt clammy and his blood gelid as icicles inside his veins. He tried to be discreet; he didn’t want to upset Dean. While lost in thought he didn’t notice Dean’s eyes on him, following his gaze. _Shit_ , he had forgotten to put the gun away and the pills too. _Fan-fucking-tastic_ , more and more of his messed up life was being exposed to Cas in all its glory.

“For protection,” he murmured, not intending to elaborate and conveniently avoiding talking about the pills. Mental illness was as alienating as having a different sexual orientation or preference; it was fucked up but it was the cruel reality. Though, he kinda knew that, if Cas was still there now then he would probably stick around. Yet, Dean was still waiting for the screech of the alarm to wake him up; just to realize he was still upstairs in his bed, alone and drowning. _Probably this was a mercy someone upstairs was granting him, but why? What was the catch?_

 _Protection from what or from whom?_ Cas knew many people carried guns, especially in Texas, but Dean lived in a very good neighborhood; he didn’t need it. He decided not to think more of it for now, because what was important now was to help Dean in whatever way he could. Cas set the tote bag on the kitchen island and noticed the half opened glass container brimming with food. He also noticed a book- a book he happened to know very well; he had a copy of it at home. His heart fluttered slightly; so Dean liked poetry too. Cas would smile if it was at any other time or if he could actually muster a smile. He would love to talk to Dean more about books; apparently they had more in common that he thought.

Dean’s throat hurt from how dry it was; the words sticking to it like gum. The cold air from the fridge making his body shiver; it felt strangely good against his sticky skin. He felt dirty and his nose was beginning to complain about the putrid smell of his body and clothes. _Dammit_ , Cas must smell him too; he hadn’t even realize how disgusting he smelled until Cas had come inside. The cold water flooding his mouth and going down his throat didn’t make him gag like before. Dean was relieved; he didn’t want to puke in front of Cas, enough embarrassment for one day. The loud growl that came from his body startled him; making the water inside the glass splatter all over his shirt and eliciting a hiss from his mouth.

“Dammit!” he mumbled; the heat creeping up his neck and over his cheeks speaking of his embarrassment.

“Dean, are you okay?” Cas was immediately by his side, concern painted all over his attractive face. At this distance, Cas could definitely smell his bad body odor, so he took a few steps back.

“I’m alright man, don’t worry,” Dean wished he could zap back to his room; this situation was unbearably humiliating.

 _Had he done something inappropriate to make Dean distance himself from him?_ He needed to tone it down and not baby Dean; he remembered how he hated that when Gabe did it to him. “Okay, um…I brought the paella I cooked…,” his hands got busy taking the containers out of the tote bag. Cas needed to distract himself so he could keep control of his emotions. _How I wished to pamper you Dean._

 _God, why was Cas so sweet?_ They could have had such a great time if he hadn’t fucked it all up with his irresponsible behavior. If only he hadn’t stopped drinking his medication, but it was too late for regrets. Dean had learned his lesson though, there was no way in hell he was stopping his treatment on his own again.

“I don’t think I can stomach such heavy food buddy, I…,” he trailed off.

“I understand Dean, uh…when I’m not feeling well, um, a nice long shower always helps me feel more like myself,” Cas hoped Dean didn’t take his suggestion it the wrong way. He was being truthful, because for him taking a shower after a bad day was always healing. Something about the water taking most of the exhaustion away and purifying him from the bad energy attached to his skin.

Dean should feel offended and even vexed by Cas’s words, but for some reason he wasn’t, because the sincerity permeating through Cas’s words was disarming. His arms crossed over his chest, now much calmer; bowlegs crossed and the weight of his body leaning against the counter top. He tilted his chin up and notice how Cas tensed; at the sight, he felt this tiny ball of warm light growing in his heart. His demons were still there; haunting him like a pack of ravenous wolves, but this light though small was a sign of hope.

“Are you saying I stink, Cas?” he tried to look miffed as he questioned his friend; barely holding back the tug at the corners of his cracked lips. _How could a person I met a bit over a week ago, have the power to lift me from my darkness, even if just a little?_ It was unnerving and everything he needed, though he knew the war was his own to fight. Yet, it was easier with people by his side; his family and… _Cas._ Dean was never one for praying, but he was willing to beg to God to let him keep Cas, as a friend or… or something else. _I just want Cas._ _I need him._ Cas was slowly becoming the fire to his frozen hell; the light to his darkness. And Dean, though frightened by the realization had never felt more at peace.

 _Oh shit, I knew it, I am too blunt_. _His social ski---_ A soft chuckle interrupted Cas’s internal freaked out and he narrowed his eyes at Dean. His heart flew inside his chest like an excited hummingbird; _Dean was smiling_ , albeit small, his lips were stretched in a genuine smile, and Cas couldn’t explain why his eyes were suddenly stinging. He had to blink a few times, willing the tears away; Dean would think him strange if he were to cry for no apparent reason.

“Are you making fun of me Dean Winchester?” he asked, whilst strolling closer to Dean. If they had been lovers; Cas would have trapped him in the caged of his arms and rained on him a shower of hot kisses.

Dean’s heart stuttered behind his rib cage; he felt like prey in front of a lion. He had to snap his mouth shut before he started to drool; Cas was one attractive son of a bitch. “Maybe…,” he whispered, unable to speak louder; his heart beating in a nervous uproar.

Cas tilted his head and bit on his bottom lip, and then looked at Dean with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Well,” he started to say, bringing his hands to cover his nose, “ then…yes, you are a stinky bear, Dean,” as the last word left his lips, Cas burst out laughing; the corner of his eyes and the top of his nose crinkling. Dean didn’t know the sound of laughter could be the glue to a broken man. _Cas’s laughter_.

Dean raised his eyebrow, a pout lifting his lips, “You’re never going to let go of the huggy bear thi---,”

He was falling and Cas was running towards him. All he could see was shadows laughing at him, mocking him. His head was exploding, like a watermelon hitting concrete and his throat choking in his own saliva. Dean felt warm strong arms and broad hands wrapping around him and lifting him up, holding him in place; gentle hands rubbing at his suddenly damped back. And his own arms wrapped around a slender neck that smelled like cinnamon; his nose nuzzling the heated skin and inhaling the scent as if an intoxicating drug. Dean felt his muscles began to relax and the pain slowly subside; his mind gaining lucidity. He also felt long fingers massaging his scalp softly; the sensation lulling his nerves but then they brushed the bump, breaking the spell. A hiss ripped from his mouth and his arms tightened around Cas’s neck. The soothing touch from delicate fingers immediately stopped and Dean felt Cas’s shoulders tense; his heartbeats thumping against Dean’s chest.

“Dean, you’re hurt, what happened?” Cas questioned; his voice tight and still holding him in his arms.

“Nothing,” Dean didn’t want to worry Cas unnecessarily.

“Dean, this is serious. You could have a concussion,” Cas insisted.

“I’m fine Cas,” he wanted to stay in those arms forever if possible, but his anger was threatening to erupt. So he had to wrench his body from Cas’s; the warmth of his skin addicting. Dean had to make a colossal effort to not fall into temptation of Cas’s arms.

Cas’s mind was too busy thinking of how to convince Dean to go to the hospital, to notice the change in his behavior. His body was begging to hold Dean one more time, whilst his heart was dangerously close to fracturing permanently. “Dean, you don’t look fine. Please, let’s---,”

Dean’s jaw clenched; his entire body vibrated with boiling anger, a mix of fatigue and hunger dominating him. His arms crossed over his chest, this time not in mock fury. “ ** _I said I’m fine Cas and if you can’t respect my words I need you to leave_** ,” he spoke quietly through clenched teeth; the anger speaking for him, impaling his heart with every word. _Cas, Cas, don’t leave me…please_. It was a prayer and he hoped Cas could read it in his eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love reading your feedback, so please let me know how you like the story so far or this chapter. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	17. ~This Darkness Would Turn To Light~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s face was covered in a sullen expression; his voice taut and hands rubbing against his thighs. Yet, his weary eyes were looking at him… imploringly; all of Dean was a confusing contradiction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello darlings, 
> 
> The tittle of this chapter comes from a line of Lighthouse's song called Storm. It is one of my fave songs, if you haven't listen it you should. 
> 
> Happy reading!

Dean’s face was covered in a sullen expression; his voice taut and hands rubbing against his thighs. Yet, his weary eyes were looking at him… _imploringly_ ; all of Dean was a confusing contradiction. But he wasn’t going to leave; he couldn’t, _he didn’t want to_ , not if Dean didn’t ask him to do so. Cas remembers all too well the anger raging inside of him when he was at his worst. It was an all-consuming fever, melting his insides like carbon steel inside a furnace. Dean was a proud man and Cas with his insistence had made him feel vulnerable. He would have to figure out a way to make sure the bump on the back of Dean’s head wasn’t as serious as it felt. He would have to keep an eye on Dean, discreetly of course.

“I am sorry Dean. I overstepped and let my concern upset you,” his eyes looked into Dean’s eyes, pouring his feelings into every word; his arms rested on his sides, impatient to be back around Dean’s body.

The relief flooding Dean made his body feel as soft as pudding; all the emotions coursing through his veins draining him of the bit of energy he had left. Thank goodness Cas didn’t leave; he had so many apologies to make to his family and Cas, but not today. “I’m gonna take that shower now, make yourself at home Cas,” he hoped Cas would still be there when he came down; if he wasn’t then… _Shit!_ _Why am I like this?_ _Always expecting the worst out of everything; I’m so fucking tired of it._ As he walked by Cas, he took a deep breath, not giving a crap if Cas noticed he was trying to take in his scent. _Cinnamon_ , now I’ll think of him when I smell cinnamon. More and more things were becoming linked to Cas; maybe a day would come when _everything was Cas_. Dean looked at Cas from the corner of his eyes; noticing the hair curling at the nape of his neck and behind his ear, _adorable_.

Cas turned to look at Dean’s retreating form; strong and tall body so very exhausted, so frail. Each creak on the steps of the stair, an echo of Dean’s burdened soul; the unnerving silence so absolute he heard the soft click of Dean’s bedroom door as it closed. A cold shiver ran through his spine; the heavy atmosphere trying to bow him, like morning dew, a spike of tall grass. Cas shook his head and with it the unwanted plague of negativity. A few steps took him to the island; he covered the glass container and set it on top of the ones he had brought, and then walked to the fridge. After he had put the food away, he walked to the large pane window and opened it. The cool air delicately flowing inside the house was a welcome change, because the oppressing humidity filling the air, only served to agitate tempestuous moods. Skillful hands rolled up the long sleeves of his shirt whilst he walked to the shelf hanging beside the large stainless steel refrigerator.

The cherry wood shelf was brimming with cookbooks and some cooking magazines; a smile instantly spread on his lips. If Dean didn’t love his job as a chiropractor so much, Cas was sure he would be a chef; perhaps in another life. As he read the book titles, a particular one grabbed his attention. He pulled it out and took it to the island; he set it down carefully as if made out of glass. _‘Mary’s Not-So-Secret Recipe Book’_ the leather bound diary was a bit old but in good condition; each page handwritten in a neat cursive writing. The edges of the pages just a tad frayed, but otherwise in pristine condition; no stains, smudges or tears. It was clear that the book was loved and important; a sudden ache made his heart clench. He couldn’t let himself be affected by gloomy feelings; thus he decided to look through the book with detachment to find a recipe he could use.

“Aha! There you are,” Cas announced with triumph to an empty kitchen. He read the recipe and hurriedly gathered all the necessary ingredients. To distract himself further, he decided to give Gabe a call while he cooked. He quickly became acquainted with the layout of the kitchen as if it was its own.

“Cassie, everything okay?” Gabe questioned straightaway, not a trace of humor in his voice.

“Yes and no,” he didn’t want to worry Gabe, but he needed to distance himself from the somber silence. He reached for a couple of ceramic bowls and began to chop some of the ingredients. The sounds of the knife against the wooden cutting board another sound disrupting the hollow silence.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean little bro? Is Dean okay or not?” his brother insisted.

Cas sighed, he wished it was that simple, “he is in a bad place Gabe; Dean…he, um…do you remember the state I was in a few months ago?” he really didn’t want to say too much. This was Dean’s private life and he was the only one with the right to talk about it. But Cas was sort of lost; he had been through depression, yet he didn’t know how to help someone going through it. He knew what made him feel better, but he was inept at comforting others. ‘ _You’re smothering me with your love Castiel_ ,’ Sebastian had told him one time. And then, a few days before he left, he had said, ‘ _You are too cold Castiel; I feel you don’t love me anymore_.’Cas had failed at love; he was either too intense in his affections or too mediocre. _What if he ruined this relationship too? What if---_

“Cassie? Helloooo!!! You there?” Gabe’s grating voice broke through his unpleasant thoughts and he was thankful.

“Yes Gabe, I am still here,” he walked to the sink and set down the cutting board and the knife, and then opened the bottom cabinet behind him. Cas pulled out a saucepan and washed it; then walked to the stove and turned on one of the front burners. He walked back to the counter top and brought the ingredients back with him to the stove; the smell of onion and olive oil tickling his nose.

“Fuck! That sucks…is it that bad?”

“I… worse, unfortunately,” he reached for the bowl of minced garlic and stirred it in with the onion.

A heavy sigh broke through the speaker before Gabe spoke again, “Wow, that’s…and you’re ready to deal with that? No, the better question here is- _are you sure you want to deal with that?_ You have your own shit to deal with Cassie; you still drink pills to help you sleep. I don’t know if hooking up with someone with heavier baggage than yours is good for you,” it was evident his brother was worried, but Dean wasn’t a plague. It was upsetting to hear Gabe and probably anyone else speak like that about Dean. Cas tried not to let his anger get the better of him and gathered his thoughts before speaking again. Basil and chopped tomatoes were added to the saucepan; he walked to the sink carrying the bowls with him. He turned on the faucet and began to wash the dishes; he needed to keep busy. His body felt tense; he didn’t want to continue this conversation, but knew he couldn’t get out of it regardless.

“Gabe, _Dean_ is my friend and I won’t abandon him just because of his issues. You didn’t let me rot in my house when I refused to go out even to buy groceries. You and the others didn’t let me spend not even a night in jail, after I got myself into bar fights almost every weekend. Yes, most nights I can’t sleep if I don’t drink my sleeping pills, but that’s nothing compared to what Dean is going through, ” his family had saved him from himself during that time and for that he would be forever grateful. _So, no- he wasn’t going to walk away from this, from Dean; not now not ever._

“You’re my brother---,”

“And I love Dean,” _oh Lord!_ The bowl in his soapy hands slipped and thumped against the sink, breaking into three big pieces. His eyes immediately snapping up and making sure he was still alone downstairs. God, he had been careless; his heart was beating at a rattling pace inside his chest.

“Fucking hell, seriously?” Gabe asked, flabbergasted.

Cas couldn’t form words, so he started to pick the pieces with slightly trembling hands, which proved to be a very bad idea. One of the pieces slipped from his wet left hand and all he felt was the cold ceramic sliding over the tip of his ring finger; a deep cut gushing scarlet pearls. A small whine left his lips, as the blood gushing out of the cut splattered all over the guilty white piece.

“ _Cassie_ , what happened?”

“I cut my finger…I will call you tomorrow,” he was ready to hang up, but Gabe wasn’t.

“What? How? Cassie---,” his brother questioned.

“Gabe, I really need to hang up, bye,” he grabbed the cell with his right hand and hanged up. Then, turned on the faucet and put his finger under the gentle water flow. After a few seconds, he turned it off and pressed on the wound as he held his finger up. He then reached for a couple of thick paper napkins and wrapped his finger tightly. The cut was somewhat deep, but it didn’t look like it needed stitches. Cas didn’t have time to waste; he needed to finish the meal.

Fifteen minutes later, he had the table set and the food ready for Dean to eat. His finger was throbbing; it had been difficult cooking with one hand. Everything he had used was either put away or loaded inside the dishwasher. The leftover food in a glass container on the island counter top as it was still hot. The steps coming down the stairs alerted him of Dean’s presence; his heart picking up pace as he remembered the words that had rolled out of his tongue.

A familiar aroma tugged him to the kitchen; Dean didn’t have to see it to know it was his mother’s recipe. The smell of garlic, onions, basil and tomatoes a warm blanket wrapping him whole; _how did Cas know?_ Cas was standing next to the dining table and now that his mind wasn’t so foggy; he noticed Cas’s long sleeved pink shirt and perfectly fitting gray slacks. His mouth wasn’t just watering because of the smell of creamy tomato soup; _Jesus fucking Christ, Cas was freakin’ gorgeous._

“How are you feeling?” he immediately notice Cas’s somewhat tight voice, it unsettle him a little.

“I feel cleaner and I don’t stink anym---,” a crimson stain pulled his eyes from Cas’s face to the hand resting at his side. He felt faint, but before he realized it he was invading Cas’s personal space and holding his hand. “What happened?”

Cas was surprise at how fast Dean had walked towards him. His heart was getting more exercise today than during his daily runs. Dean’s hand held his gingerly; the heat rolling off his almond scented skin warming more than just his body. He had to swallow forcefully; his throat strangulating the words he longed to speak. “I was watching some dishes and one of the white ceramic bowls slipped from my hands and broke. I hope you weren’t too attached to it,” he replied lightly, not wanting to give it more importance than it deserved.

“How long ago?” the cut must be deep; the thick napkin was almost soaking with blood. It was a miracle he was still upright; the sight of blo---

Dean swayed and Cas’s right hand gripped his left arm, and then lowered him to the chair. Dean must still feel weak from not eating, so he encouraged him to try the soup. “Eat, don’t worry about me. The cut isn’t that deep, it is only bleeding so much because it cut sensitive skin,” his lips stretched in a small smile, hoping that with it Dean would stop looking so worried.

“Let me get the first aid kit,” he murmured as he began to stand, up but Cas’s hand on his forearm stopped him. Every touch from Cas hands felt like red-hot coal.

“Eat first,” big blue eyes looked at him full of concern while Cas’s hand lingered on his arm.

“ _Cas_ ,” he insisted, not liking one bit the amount of blood painting the napkin and Cas’s pale complexion. Cas must have lost a considerable amount of blood and even like that he cooked for him. A rush of affection towards the sweet man in front of him swarmed his heart; exploding in a rain of warmth and spreading inside his chest.

“ _Dean_ ,” Cas retorted, his gravelly voice firm.

“You’re stubborn,” Dean thought he was pigheaded, but Cas was just as bad.

“Look who’s talking,” and there he was Mr. Cheeky Pants; Dean couldn’t stop himself from smiling. It was so weird how he had been miserable and hopeless all day and as soon as Cas came inside his house it was easier to breath. He wasn’t completely fine, not by a long shot but now he felt less crappy.

“Touché, you cheeky little shit,” the burst of laughter that ripped out of Cas’s chest was better than Zeppelin’s Ramble On; one of his favorite songs. His lips weren’t under his control anymore; they were smiling without his consenting.

“Aren’t you gonna eat?” Cas laughter had quiet down, but his eyes were still twinkling. _So cute!_ _Jeez, I sound like a high schooler_.

“I am not hungry, but enough talking, _eat_. I was going to make you a grill cheese sandwich but…,” he trailed off looking at his hand; the pain was uncomfortable to say the least, his finger pulsing like another heart.

“Cas, you didn’t even have to cook for me and _twice_. I’m so---,”

“Nonsense, it was my pleasure. Now, eat please. I looked though your shelf and saw this leather bound book. I didn’t know it was your mother’s recipe book. I am sorry if I overstepped,” Cas knew how much Dean loves his mother and her things must have a very important place in his life. His eyes followed Dean’s hand dipping the spoon inside the bowl and then back to his mouth. Cas tongue unconsciously licked at his dry lips at the same time Dean opened his mouth and closed it around the spoon. The finger of his right hand played nervously with a piece of napkin; he hoped Dean like the soup, that it didn’t taste awful. He didn’t want to ruin Dean’s good memories of this recipe.

“ _Holy crap_ ,” the words rolled out of his tongue in a gentle whisper, too astonished to notice Cas’s blanched face. The taste immediately transported him back to his childhood; he could clearly see his mom in front of the stove, steering the pot. She used to make him this soup whenever he was sick. They used to sit at the dining table and play Go Fish; his favorite card game, while he ate the soup. Tears filled his eyes as teeth bit down on his bottom lip; _don’t cry, don’t cry… fuck!_ His heart was an alluvium of emotions and his mind was a projector playing moment after moment of his favorite memories with his mom. Dean fought to blink the tears away and then reached for more soup. He hadn’t made this soup in years, not since his mom passed. During his recovery from surgery, he had craved it like nothing else, but he couldn’t find it in him to cave and make it. And now here he was, eating it again after almost nine years, and having the same comforting effect it had in his childhood and teenage years. No one would ever cook exactly like his mom, but damn, this was pretty close.

“Dean, how does it taste? If you don’t like it I can coo---,”

“Shh Cas, it is delicious. I…thank you, uh, my mom…she, um, she used to make me tomato soup when I was sick… or sad. I haven’t, um…I haven’t cooked or eaten it since she passed. So, thanks Cas for being here, for not leaving and for giving me back some of the good memories I had buried after her passing,” his eyes were purposely avoiding Cas’s and looking down at the bowl in front of him. He found himself unable to face the unbridled tenderness etched on Cas’s face. Yet, despite the effort, his wobbly voice betrayed him. Dean ventured a side glance and saw Cas’s expression go from stunned to… _Jesus Christ_ , all the words he could use to describe Cas’s face at that moment wouldn’t do it justice. But what he noticed the most, were the crinkles decorating the corners of Cas’s eyes as if they too were smiling. They gave off a luminous light; a familiar light he had seen…in his dreams. The small smile parting his pink lips was cool sea breeze uncluttering his heart.

 _If happiness had a human name it would_ _be_ _Dean_ , Cas thought; just looking at him made him fly to heights unimaginable. “You welcome…and Dean,” a long fingered hand covered Dean’s hand lightly at the same time ocean blue eyes trapped his. Dean’s legs suddenly felt flaccid; he was sure that if he wasn’t sitting he would have fallen on his ass. He gulped down the soup in his mouth, lest he spatter it all over the table.

“I…I truly care about you; you are important to me and I want to be in your life for as long as you want me,” Cas’s words were both; the blade cutting deep inside his heart and soul, and the needle suturing the wounds. Dean knew those weren’t empty words; he _felt_ them, like he could feel his heart beating or Cas’s hand over his. Yet, he didn’t know what to say; he was left speechless, his brain completely black. _I also care for you, you are important to me too; I always, always want you here, beside me, **always**_. He wished his eyes could speak so they could say everything his mouth couldn’t. The only thing he could do was nod and keep his eyes firmly rooted in Cas’s. Praying to whoever was willing to listen to him, that Cas had understood.

The gentle squeeze on his hand and the subtle smile on Cas’s lips was all he needed to know his feelings had been understood; even if only to a certain degree. _What would happen if he confessed his feelings to Cas?_ As he lost himself in contemplation, he kept eating in silence; Cas’s hand now resting on the table a few inches away from his. Cas didn’t try to make conversation, he sat quietly; he was a peaceful presence and Dean couldn’t have been more grateful. It was as if they were in a bubble, where nothing ugly or painful could stretch its claws and hurt them. The refreshing breeze rolling inside from the open window carried with it the smell of earth and grass; it was making him drowsy. The restless sleep caused by the nightmares, the pain and the voices in his head had exhausted him in every aspect. The entire day had been a battle to shut off his brain; begging for a dreamless sleep. He had been afraid to close his eyes because what he saw behind them was hollow and ruthless. Now though, it felt different; his body was clean, his belly was full and the pain had given him a break.

“I don’t think I can eat one more bite, I’m stuffed,” he pushed the bowl away from him as his eyes set upon Cas, who was holding his cut finger and looking back at him.

Cas eyed the bowl and nodded satisfied, “you can eat the rest tomorrow if you want and make a grill cheese sandwich to go with it, it should be a hearty breakfast,” he commented, standing up and picking up the bowl, and then walking to the sink.

“Hey! I could have done that Cas. You need to be careful with that finger,” Dean weakly protested; in truth he was so sleepy, he couldn’t gather the strength to lift his body from the chair. His eyes felt like stones, the same as his body; the lack of rest, the shower and the food had relaxed his body more than he thought. An amuse chuckle made him turn in the chair to look back at Cas. That was a nice view right there; seeing Cas smiling and moving about in his kitchen made Dean all warm and fuzzy. His left arm rested on the table while his hand supported his head; he felt like a sailboat drifting in the open sea. The sounds of Cas’s light footsteps, dishes clicking against each other, doors opening and closing, and water lulling him to sleep.

Dean’s face looked like a child’s while he slept; he felt bad for having to disrupt that peace, but it wasn’t the most comfortable place to fall into slumber. Cas approached him slowly, not wanting to frighten him; careful to keep enough space between them. He crouched, putting himself at Dean’s eye-level; firmly ignoring the desire to reach for his arm to awaken him.

“ _Dean, Dean_ , wake up, _Dean_ ,” Cas was careful to keep his voice low; he had noticed how on edge Dean had been when he had answered the door almost an hour ago. “ _Dean_ , wake up sleepy head,” he couldn’t see the bump on the back of Dean’s head very well, but he was still worried about it. Cas hadn’t notice any signs of a concussion, but Dean had told him it had been a few hours ago. Dean was talking and thinking clearly; he even remembered some old memories. He had eaten and didn’t seem nauseous; also no dizziness at least since he came down from taking a shower. The light or noise didn’t seem to bother him either; though he had been unbalance and upset, but overall, he looked okay. _God, things could have been fatal if Dean had fainted going up or down the stairs_. An arctic like wind instantly cloaked his heart, causing an unpleasant chill to run through his body. He couldn’t, no- _he wouldn’t_ think of a life without Dean in it; just the thought of it filled him with a formidable woeful feeling.

“ _Dean_ , hey! Dean, I know you are exhausted, but please let me take you to your bedroom, where is more comfortable,” Cas insisted; his eyes memorizing every tiny freckle, the movement of luscious eyelashes, the elegant shaped nose, and thin eyebrows. And also, the two day old scruff covering a perfectly chisel jaw, adding to the beauty of a delicate face. Dean’s lips, _Christ Almighty_ ; those rosy cracked lips were flawlessly defined, voluptuous and the ideal proportion; making them the most kissable pair lips he had ever seen. Said lips attracting him like moth to a fire; a fire he knew could take his everything.

A gravelly whispering voice pulled him from the arms of Morpheus. Dean couldn’t resist it; it was as if he was hypnotized by the dulcet sound. It was familiar and comforting; caring and loving, and Dean wanted to hear nothing else but that voice on a loop, perpetually. “Hmm…mmm, what’s…uh, Cas?” his eyelids felt like they were being held down by two rocks. His arm and hand were cramping because of the prolonged uncomfortable position. When he could finally open his eyes, the first thing they saw was deep blue. _Safety, peace, and love,_ those three simple words were all that came to mind as he straightened on the chair.

“Hello,” Cas greeted with a soft smile, “do you want to go upstairs and sleep?”

Dean’s brain was enveloped in a fog; his whole body too sleep heavy to function properly, so he just nodded. Cas’s smile grew and Dean found himself imitating it.

“Okay, um…do you want me to help you up the stairs?”

“Ye-, yeah,” Cas was going to see his room; the thought had him feeling tingly all over. There he was again, feeling like a love stricken teenager. _You’re such a pitiful thing Dean, always wanting what you can’t have. Castiel will see the true you; the needy slut always thirsty for attention. He will leave, just like your mo---_ “No!” he heard himself cry out at the same time he shook his head, immediately seeing everything in front of him spin. He was falling forward and again he was embraced; shallow breaths heaved his chest, as the throbbing pain behind his head clouded his thoughts.

“Dean, what happened?” Cas’s frantic voice questioned; Dean didn’t know if it was his heart or Cas’s heart making so much noise. He tried to breath, slowly and deeply; inhaling through his nose and exhaling through his mouth. The throbbing in his head ebbing at a snails’ pace; beads of cold sweat sprouting on his forehead; all the while gentle arms shrouded him, providing silent comfort.

After a few minutes, Dean was feeling more or less better and Cas let go of him, albeit reluctantly. “Is it your head? Do you have Tylenol? It will help with the headache,” he didn’t want to overwhelm Dean with questions, but he needed to know so he could help him.

“Yeah, uh, upstairs in my bathroom,” Dean licked his dry lips, he couldn’t think straight. He just wanted to lie on his mattress and for this stupid headache to go the fuck away.

“Okay, stay here. Let me get a glass of water and then we can go. Sleep will do you well,” he got up and quickly walked to the cabinet; pulled out a tall glass and then went to the fridge. Cas walked back to Dean and helped him stand up. He wrapped his right arm around Dean’s thick waist and slowly walked towards the stairs.

Dean might not be feeling at his best at this moment, but that didn’t get in the way of enjoying the arm wrapped around him; firm but gentle, warm and strong. Cas’s presence was reassuring. Once in front of his bedroom door, Dean’s right hand reached for the doorknob; he hoped the bedroom didn’t smell as acrid as he did before taking a shower. He had opened the windows before going downstairs and turned on the ceiling fan. Languid steps took them to the bed and as soon as he sat on the mattress he heaved a sigh of relief. Cas set the glass on the side table and turned on the lamp; the golden light bathing the room in a soft glow.

Cas’s eyes wandered around the spacious room and not as discreetly as he had wanted. He was just so curious to see where Dean rested at the end of a long work day. Gray walls, white linen curtains, queen size bed, white and gray striped bedding, white comforter and a few framed rock band posters carefully arranged, and hanging on one of the walls. It was so Dean; neat, every item placed with the utmost care, functional and exquisite. It had the same inviting, airy feeling as the rest of the house, but it felt cozier, more private. Cas felt like an intruder in Dean’s sacred space. When his eyes settled back on Dean; he was looking at him with a glint of amusement in his sleepy green eyes. He could feel the blush creeping up his neck and spreading on his cheeks; a nervous smile spread on his lips as bare feet shuffled on the hardwood floor.

 _Jesus_ , someone needs to stop Cas, that man was a deadly combination of sexy as fuck and cuteness overload. “So what’s the verdict?” he teased; very surprised he was doing it effortlessly.

An awkward laughter rocked Cas’s shoulders as his hands tightened on his hips. Shaking his head, he lifted his eyes back to Dean’s, “you have refined taste, but it isn’t stiff; it is _very you_ , I like it very much.”

 _Fuck me_ … Cas was the smoothest bastard he had ever met and he was probably oblivious to it too. “Well, thank yo---,” a groan ripped from his throat as his hands cradled his head. Cas was at his side in a flash, rubbing circles on his back.

“Where is the Tylenol?”

Dean had to take a few breaths before speaking; his eyes watery from the pain. “Medicine cabinet,” he whispered whilst pointing at the door next to the tall dresser. He tried to open his eyes, but the light burned at them as if he was staring at the sun.

Cas didn’t waste any time and hurriedly walked to the bathroom. Long fingers flipped the light switch and hurried steps walked to the double sink. He opened the medicine cabinet; it was just as organized as the rest of the house, so he immediately found what he needed. Swift steps took him back to Dean, who had already crawled into bed. He sat on the edge of the mattress while he opened the bottle, looking at Dean as he did.

“Two?”

“Yeah,” was Dean’s brief answer, as he stretched his arm and opened the palm of his hand.

Cas tilted the bottle and dropped two white pills, and then reached for the glass of water. Dean drank the pills right away, grimacing at the bitter taste. “Lights on or off?” Dean should feel offended by the question, but instead he felt his affection for Cas grow.

“On is fine, um, thanks Cas…for everything,” Dean mumble; green eyes fluttering close and lips parted, his breathing calm, and evened out. Cas sat there a bit longer, playing with the bottle in his hands, lest he reached to caress Dean’s flushed cheeks. His eyes slowly moved from Dean’s handsome face to the night table; settling upon a simple white picture frame. In the picture, a beautiful woman with blond long hair and bright green eyes similar to Dean’s, sat on the sand, flanked by a teenager Dean and a tween Sam. The three of them smiled brightly; their eyes shining with happiness. It was a lovely picture, speaking of joyful days.

Dean’s face hadn’t changed; always gorgeous beyond any human beauty. He wanted to see Dean always smiling with unbridled delight, but he knew that wish was a tall order. Regardless, Cas will try to dredge it up with new happy memories. Cas also noticed the book lying next to the picture, ‘The Alchemist’ and he smiled. His eyes returned to look back at the sleeping beauty on the bed. Blue eyes transfixed by the fascinating contradiction Dean Winchester was; fragility and strength harmoniously cohabiting in perfect balance. Cas sighed and then glanced at the clock, 10:05. Dean seemed better now, so he thought it appropriate to go home; his own body demanding a long shower and rest. Mrs. Agatha and Tippens were probably sleeping already. As he began to stand up, he felt a broad hand clutch his. He felt the cut on his finger split opened again; the pain pulsating at the pressure, but he gulped the whine knocking at his lips.

“ ** _Stay_** …,” Dean implored quietly.

Piercing green eyes rendered him speechless and one simple word swoon his soul with joy. Grabbing a hold of it with a force that could only be attributed to a violent storm or a destructive earthquake; beckoning him closer and closer, until he was trapped inside Dean’s own soul. _I couldn’t deny you of anything even if I wanted to; he wouldn’t, not now not ever._

“As you wish... Now, go back to sleep Dean, I will be here when you wake up,” he whispered; a knot forming in his throat at the sigh of relief escaping Dean’s mouth. Dean’s eyes moved down to look at his hand clutching Cas’s; quickly realizing the strength he had used to hold it and immediately releasing it. He gave Cas an apologetic sleepy look before he spoke.

“First aid kit is um…vanity…second drawer to the right,” Cas barely heard what Dean had said as he was dozing off as he spoke. Cas felt an unnatural urge to kiss his forehead, like a ravenous affection aggressively spreading inside his veins.

“Thank you, Huggy Bear,” the endearment spoken in a whisper as to not wake up Dean and also, because he didn’t know how Dean would react to it. He had so many more nicknames for Dean, but for now, he would only chant them lovingly in his thoughts. Cas waited a few minutes before standing up and walking to the bathroom. It wasn’t hard to pass time watching Dean asleep; counting his breaths, memorizing each twitch of his lips and eyebrows. Cas looked back at Dean one more time as quiet steps took him inside the spacious bathroom. He left the door half opened, enough to keep an eye on Dean. Cas didn’t want him to wake up again and think he was gone.

Just as Dean had said, he found the first aid kit on the second drawer; it was a medium white box meticulously organized. He instantly found everything he needed to treat his wound. Careful fingers, unwrapped the bloodstained napkin covering his finger, some small pieces of it glued to the cut. Cas turned on the faucet and put his finger under the warm flow of water; thankfully the bleeding had ceased considerably, though the ache remained. He then took a handful of toilet paper to dry his hand; he didn’t want to dirty Dean’s immaculate hand towels. Afterwards, he threw the bloodied napkin and toilet paper in the toilet, and flushed it. Cas had noticed Dean’s aversion to the sight of blood, so he made sure not to leave any of it for him to see. As he was putting away the kit, he heard an almost inaudible groan and immediately zoomed out of the bathroom.

Dean was writhing on the bed like a snake; his hands gripping the covers with such force his knuckles were white. A sheen of sweat cloaked his forehead and pooled at his neck; his chest heaved while his head shook violently from side to side. Cas was momentarily shocked by the heartbreaking sight, but was quickly shaken out of his daze by a gut wrenching sob. Faster than he could think, he was by Dean’s side, kneeling next to him. _What should I do? Almighty Father, give me clarity_ , he prayed, while his left hand hovered over Dean’s flushed cheek. Cas gulped, feeling utterly useless in this situation; one thing he knew for certain and that was that you never woke up someone from a nightmare. _Then, what sort of comfort could I offer Dean?_ He glanced at the picture on the table; his eyes falling on Mary’s tender face. “Mary, help me, please,” he didn’t know why he said those words, but it felt right to ask for her help.

“ ** _No, no…stop, ahhh, oh no…ahhh, plea…stop Andrew, no…help_** ,” plea after plea, groan after groan, sobs and cries cascaded from Dean’s mouth; each more desperate and bloodcurdling than the last. Dean’s legs began to kick at an invisible adversary and then his arms joined in the fight; his violent movements shook the mattress and made the headboard knock against the wall repetitively. Cas swallowed hard, nerves set on fire; his eyes wet with bitter tears and hands clenched by his sides rendered powerless. He was in love with Dean, but his love couldn’t take the nightmares away. The nightmares caused by _Andrew, who was this Andrew? What had he done to…Oh Lord, oh!_ Cas sincerely hoped he was wrong, that what he suspected wasn’t true. But now wasn’t the time to think of that, Dean, he needed to calm him down. He took a deep breath and with it he remembered Dean’s words from a couple of days ago.

“ _Hey Jude, don’t make it bad, take a sad song and make it better_ ,” his singing wasn’t very good but it will have to do. “ _Remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better_ ,” as the song progressed, Dean’s body began to still and his limbs to relax; his breathing was still ragged, but it was normal after the outburst. “ _Hey Jude, don’t be afraid, you were made to go out and get her_ ,” Dean was a bit more settled now, though copious sweat coated his forehead and neck. He decided to sit next to Dean while he continued singing. “ _The minute you let her under your skin, then you begin to make it better_ ,” his left hand moved slowly, very slowly to Dean’s tear stained face; his long fingers brushing back strands of soft hair sticking to his forehead. Dean didn’t startle with the touch, so Cas dragged his fingertips down to his cheek; his thumb caressing it lightly. “ _Hey Jude don’t let me down, you have found her, now go and get her_ ,” Dean’s breathing was steady and his body now rested more or less easy, though the frown marring his face spoke of lingering nightmares. As his knuckles brushed against heated cheeks, he continued the song. “ _Remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better_ ,” he slowly stood up from the bed and walked to the bathroom; then grabbed one of the gray hand towels and ran it under cold water.

Cas sat on the bed again and noticed Dean’s more serene semblance; relief inundated him whole. He carefully dabbed the cool towel on Dean’s sweaty face and neck; the touch causing Dean’s body to shiver. Cas glanced at the picture again and couldn’t fight the tiny quirk on his lips, “thank you Mary,” he mouthed; she was indeed watching over her son. He then set his eyes upon Dean, who was finally resting peacefully or so he thought, because a quiet groan made its way out of Dean’s mouth. Cas couldn’t avoid the wretched feeling gnawing at his heart. _Whoever this Andrew is, I hope he isn’t enjoying a happy life_ , he found himself surprised at his own dark thought, because he hadn’t even wished anything bad on Sebastian when he left. He had never felt so protective of someone; Dean’s anguish, he felt as his own. Another pained groan and Cas’s hands swiftly moved to hold Dean’s, bringing them close to his lips.

“Shh, you are safe now Dean, everything is fine. I am here, watching over you,” he murmured against Dean’s warm skin, as if doing so would somehow bring the words inside his bad dreams, and dissipate them. A feather light kiss landed on each hand before Cas let go of them. Blue eyes lingered on Dean’s sleeping face for a while longer, before Cas took a few steps to the gray armchair nearby; grabbing the book laying on the table as he passed. He sat in the armchair and leaned against it; every muscle in his body tight and aching. Cas had left his reading glasses at home, but he could still read, though with mild difficulty. Dean’s even and steady breathing coupled with his soft snores, settled his nerves. Yet, he couldn’t erase the nerve-racking image of Dean fighting off an invisible foe and begging for his mercy. **_Andrew_** , _was_ _this person responsible for Dean’s injuries? **Andrew**_ , the name rolling off his tongue tasted like rotten meat. A strange repulsion unsettled his stomach as if that name was poison eating at it. He decided to push those thoughts aside for now; it had been a long day and his mind was drained.

An unbearable thirst awoke Dean; his throat felt as a leaf on a scorching summer day. When he turned to his side, his heart swayed as bluebonnets in the spring breeze; Cas was sleeping in the armchair, face turned towards him. “You stayed…,” he couldn’t believe it; his eyes weren’t trustworthy, he needed to touch to confirm he wasn’t dreaming. Green eyes glanced at the clock as he sat up on the bed, 1:37 am. Dean had met few people as generous as the man sleeping so unguarded in front of him. Cas’s legs were sprawled, his left hand resting on the armrest and his right one loosely holding Dean’s book; his clothes were rumpled and his hair mussed, his rosy ample lips agape as quiet snores broke the silence of the room. A sudden love rippled throughout his being, washing away the sea-mist engulfing his mind. _Love_ , _he hadn’t felt love since…since when?_ Love, he loves his family with everything he has but, **_Love, Love_** … _oh God, I’m so screwed._

“ _Why you, Cas?_ Why you, whose eyes look like a storm at sea but at the same time, a starry night sky?” his hand moved to touch Cas’s bandaged finger; hurt because of him. “Why you, whose voice sounds like thunder yet, it reaches me like a gentle murmur?” Cas slept on, oblivious to Dean’s mystification. The gorgeous sleeping man with so much heart wasn’t being nice to get something in return. And even if there was a remote possibility Cas was interested in him; he wouldn’t have to do anything extraordinary to woo Dean, because as corny as it may sound, his soul already did when he looked into his eyes. As intrepid fingers moved closer to tempting lips, puffs of warm air greeted his fingertips. His heart thundered behind his ribcage and his body bustled with euphoria; touching heaven alive had never occurred to him.

The moment his skin made contact with plump lips, renew thirst consumed him; Cas was the only water to quench his thirst. His fingers brushed lazily over juicy lips; a forbidden fruit Dean wanted to taste even if condemned. If he did it carefully, he might get away with; _do it, kiss him_ , _he would never know_ , a mischievous voice encouraged. But a few inches away from his oasis, he stopped himself; this is _wrong, betraying Cas’s trust, I can’t do this_ , so he decided to do the next best thing. He caressed inviting lips one last time and straightened, and then as if carrying a treasure, he brought his fingers to his own parched lips. His eyes fluttered close, every fiber of his being enjoying the stolen heat. _How would it feel to kiss you Cas?_ _How would it feel to kiss someone who was like thunder and lightning, but also gentle and kind?_

A knock on the floor startled him out of his contemplation and when his eyes snapped open he discovered the culprit; the book had slipped out of Cas’s hand. He bend to reach for it and that is when he heard a low grunt and movement in the armchair; his lips automatically quirked in a smile.

“Dean? Are you okay?” Cas’s gravelly voice questioned; it was even more attractive when sleep heavy. He could get used to that the smoky voice waking him up; whispering sweet nothings in his ears. Cas straightened in the chair while rubbing his eyes; he looked like a child.

“I’m fine, just _very_ thirsty,” indeed he was thirsty- extremely thirsty for water, but even more so for Cas.

Cas glanced at the clock; eyes widened in surprised by how late it was; he doesn’t remember falling to slumber. He usually struggles to fall sleep if he doesn’t drink his pills first. His body felt revitalized; almost two hours of sleep in an armchair, no matter how comfortable, shouldn’t make him feel this restful. Cas looked up back at Dean, who was holding the book he had been reading in his hands. He still looked tired, but calmer than a few hours ago.

“How is your head?” Cas wanted to make sure Dean was better before going home. He wanted to mention the episode from before, ask about Andrew and his nightmares, but looking at Dean’s placid face he decided against it. There will be time for that later, when things are more stable and Dean isn’t as vulnerable.

Dean took a few steps back, giving Cas space to get up from the armchair and then stretched his arm to set the book on the table. “Much better, at least now I don’t feel like am dying,” he joked, or tried to at least, because Cas’s face was as serious as a funeral director. One awkward hand scratched the nape of his neck; he knew that nothing that had happened today was funny, not even a bit.

“Dean, are you sure you are okay? I can stay if you want, I just need to make arrangements for Tippens and---,” he was quickly cut off by Dean’s sleep ridden voice.

“No Cas, you have done more than enough. I…it was selfish of me to ask you to stay, so---,”

“No apologies, I stayed because I _care about you_. Shall we walk down together?” Cas was glad Dean asked him to stay; he didn’t want to imagine Dean by himself, fighting merciless enemies on his own and nobody nearby to shoo away the bad dreams. It tore his heart to think of how many times that had happened to Dean.

“Yes, um…how’s your finger?” Dean asked as they walked out the bedroom and down the stairs; the kitchen light casting a golden glow on each step and fracturing the shadows on the walls.

“It is okay, it wasn’t that bad of a cut,” Cas looked at the bandage finger and then back at Dean; pretty malachite eyes still weary, though a bit more alive. He felt relief cascading from an invisible waterfall above his head; a cool draft clearing his head of spider webs. Cas reached for his shoes and began to put them back on; when he was done he turned to Dean.

“That’s good, uh…thanks Cas, I…I don’t know how this day would have turned out without you,” a tired sigh floated out of Dean’s mouth; Cas had turned this day from a hellish nightmare to a bearable not-so-bad dream.

Cas shook his head and shushed him with a finger over his own lips. “I am always here for you Dean, anything you need, never hesitate to ask me. I will always come when you call, _always_.”

Once again Cas had managed to leave him speechless, so he could just nod; his eyes too transparent to look into Cas’s all-knowing ones lest he discovers the feelings swarming his heart.

Cas opened the door, Dean behind him and once outside turned to look at him. “Is it okay for me to come visit you tomorrow?” he didn’t think about the question much in fear his over-thinking might rob him of his courage. Cas waited quietly, blue eyes drinking their fill of precious freckled face, though in his chest his heart was beating like an offbeat drum.

Dean wanted to say yes right away, but he didn’t want to take advantage of Cas’s kindness. His feet shuffled on the floor distractedly while his hands tightened on the doorknob and door frame. “Cas you don’t have to feel obligated to keep me company, I’m a big boy,” Cas’s eyes were still on him; his gaze like a vortex, pulling him in with a speed that left him dizzy and dazed.

“I know I don’t ‘have to’ but _I want to,_ so, is that a yes or a no?”

“Uh, ‘kay,” Dean knew he sounded like a child, but _Jesus Christ_ , after those words from Cas, his brain was out of order.

A smile bloomed on Cas’s lips and then he spoke, “excellent, I will call you before I come over. We can eat the paella and watch those movies you promise to ‘school me in’. What do you think? Also, at what time should I come over?” Dean really liked that Cas asked him for his opinion on any plans they made. _Andrew…no, no, don’t think about that asshole now. Don’t tarnish this moment with his memory._

“I like that plan, um, you can come anytime but, don’t you have work?”

“I do, but don’t you worry about it. See you tomorrow Dean, sleep well and take care,” it pained him to leave Dean, but he had his little tyrants at home. If he had known the situation, he would have made arrangements before coming over. But looking at Dean now, his countenance was less haunted and pale; it was obvious he wasn’t completely free of what anguished him, but he looked more in control.

“See you Cas, drive safely,” Dean murmured, looking at Cas’s retreating back and fighting his hands to submission; they wanted to grab Cas and pull him back inside. They shared one last lingering gaze before Cas got inside his car and drove away. As Cas’s Prius disappeared from his sight, the weight of his feelings downed on Dean’s heart like an unexpected downpour.

Cas was the light in the darkness, the safe road and the countless stars twinkling in a moonless night. It may sound laughable to others, too naïve and idealistic but dammit if it didn’t feel right. All of Cas, from his witty humor to his cooking; all of him was like medicine to Dean’s malady. He knew Cas wasn’t a magic wand or a spell to cure him of his demons, but he didn’t need Cas to be that. Dean just _needs_ Cas to be next to him; walking the same road and holding him with his thunderclap voice. He _needs_ Cas, he _wants_ him and not as a life jacket; Dean didn’t want Cas to solve his problems, no- he wanted Cas because he…he… _oh, Jesus Christ._ The realization was daunting and at the same time… _liberating_.

And as he walked to the kitchen and filled a glass with cold water; he had made his peace with himself. He needed to confront his fears and his past and then, he needed to let them go. If he wanted to truly live, to be happy, to have the courage to bare himself to Cas; he needed to fight his nightmares instead of submitting to them. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to hear your feedback on the story so far or this chapter. Sometimes I need the reassurance that it is reading well as I don't have a beta. Also because your comments motivate me :)
> 
> PS: I have other destiel fics, shorter of course, it will make me happy if you read them too. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	18. ~You Feed My Body and Soul~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When he got to the kitchen he almost face planted on the ceramic floor; what the fuck, oh my God! Calm down, calm down Dean. You have seen half naked men before, more than half naked and then some. But they weren’t Cas, they weren’t freakin’ owners of killer hipbones, a solid chest, sculpted arms, pink pert nipples and a broad back he wanted to cling to and scratch while Cas fucked him thoroughly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends,  
> Sorry for the wait, but this chapter was so hard to write. Not because it was particularly angst (only a little, I think), but because I am in a funk. I hope you enjoy it. Happy reading! 
> 
> PS: The two verses Dean reads from Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass are from his poems: The Sleepers and I Sing the Body Electric. 
> 
> Some British slang vocab:  
> *Bollocks- rubbish  
> *Clear Off- leave  
> *knickers- panties  
> *Fit bloke- good looking  
> *Cheerio- good bye

 

 

The cool morning breeze was like a light towel drying Cas’s damped skin; running was similar to flying in a way or at least for him. He felt free, every muscle in his body burning and tensing with the effort. His mind was a clean canvas during his run; a canvas waiting to be painted with everything beautiful and heartbreaking. The leash in his hands and the pull from his little companion stretched his dry lips in a fond smile. Cas’s eyes wandered around, absorbing the green and yellow from the trees, and the cloudless blue sky offering a comforting serenity. His breaths floated out in steady puffs of warm air and his lungs felt clean. Waking up at 6 after only a few hours of sleep hadn’t been difficult; he couldn’t sleep very well, his thoughts like beavers building a dam. Dean was all he could think about; that charming and good man who had been through hell. If he hadn’t been sure before, after last night there was not a single doubt in his mind. _Who was this Andrew? Where was he? What did he do to Dean?_ Cas’s heart clenched as an arctic wind coiled around his heart; he didn’t want to accept that anybody had harmed Dean.

Cas’s thoughts were interrupted by his cell vibrating in the armband around his bicep. He hadn’t noticed when the music had stopped, another clear sign his brain was Dean’s hostage. Cas paused his running and jogged to the nearest bench as he did, he reached for his phone. “Good morning Gabe, why are you up so early?” his brother loved to sleep, so it was a bit surprising he was calling so early. A pang of guilt probed Cas’s heart; it must be because of last night. He sat down and put the phone on speaker while he pulled two water bottles from his short’s pockets. Tippens sat by his feet and Cas gave him some water; his long tongue furiously lapping at the cool liquid. His little tyrants always found a way to alleviate some of his sorrows.

“Cassie, you little mofo, what happened last night? You cut a finger?” Gabe’s voice was heavy with sleep, but also a tad frantic; he must have just woken up. A rush of affection filled his heart because Gabe for being such a laid back person was also the biggest worrywart. After Tippens had his fill of water, Cas reached for the other water bottle and tipped his head back. The cool liquid going down his throat was like manna, renewing his body. “Cassie? Helloooo!” Cas was yanked out of his trance by a purposely high pitch voice; good thing only a few people were around the park. Even Tippens brought his paws close to his ears; the action ripping an unexpected laughter from Cas’s chest.

“So things aren’t that bad then? You know how worried I had been, Cassie?!” Gabe’s tight voice suddenly brought seriousness to the moment; he should have texted him before going to sleep. Cas sighed and set the bottle next to him, and then leaned back against the bench, his face facing the vast sky. He lifted the phone to his ear, now off speaker and took a deep breath before speaking. His suspicions were gnawing at him like termites; he felt an unpleasant tingling under his skin, pushing out as if tiny needles. He wanted to find that Andrew and use all the Tae kwon do techniques he knew on him. Cas knew such feeling were venom for the soul, that he wasn’t to be Dean’s avenger, but his friend. Regardless of his rationality, he couldn’t push aside vengeful thoughts.

“I am sorry I made you worry Gabe, but I am fine, it was a small cut,” his eyes glanced down at his left hand splay on his thigh; the cut still pulsed every so often, though it had stopped bleeding.

A sigh tickled his ears through the receiver; Gabe wasn’t one to stay mad for too long, well, with people he cared about that is. “Tell me what’s going on?” Cas wanted to confide in Gabe and maybe get some advice; _yeah, advice from Gabe_. But his brother had slowly convinced him to seek help for his self-destructive behavior; to be fair the others had been very helpful as well, yet Gabe, he had been this mix of a loving and ‘I won’t take your bullshit’ friend. But, he couldn’t betray Dean’s trust; he wouldn’t because _trust_ was vital to any relationship.

Cas sighed again; his left hand reaching down to massage Tippens ears, it was a way of soothing himself. “Gabe, I can’t tell you. I mean, I don’t even know much to begin with. But even if I knew---,”

“You wouldn’t tell me, I know. But you do have some suspicions, because if you didn’t you wouldn’t be so stressed,” Gabe said as a matter-of-fact, but not mocking or condescending. He shook his head as his eyes fluttered closed with the gentle breeze flowing by; Dean’s face greeted him in the dark and a spring forest beckoned him to follow. Dean Winchester was like a da Vinci painting, gorgeous, valuable and mysterious; a fascinating puzzle with ragged edges.

“I do, I do Gabe and…it’s terrifying. I want to support him and be there for him as a friend, but I…,” he trailed off; the smiling Dean in his mind was dazzling and tantalizing. Cas wanted to love him with everything he had; he wanted to shower him with loving gestures and adore him, but he didn’t want to take advantage of his vulnerable state. Cas’s heart was like a piece of paper used by a child for a craft; ripped in some parts, stain in others and full of different shapes that made no sense.

“You really fell in love with him, huh? _Cassie_ …, God, um…be that for him then. You can still be all that and be something more, if that’s what he and you want. Don’t run away baby bro, cowardice doesn’t look good on you,” the words were a bucket of cold water on a scorching summer day; it was a bit creepy hearing Gabe speak with such seriousness. But every word was a balm to his fried nerves.

“Thank you Gabe. When did you become so wise?” Cas needed to step away from the delicate subject and teasing his brother was the best way he knew how. The relaxing sound of the small water fountain nearby, coupled with the swirling wind ruffling his hair made a yawn break though his mouth. His eyes felt a smidgen heavy and his body screamed for rest; a cold shower should help wash the sluggishness away.

Gabe snorted, “Bitch please; I’ve always been a fountain of wisdom. I just don’t share it with peasants.”

Cas couldn’t contain the laughter that escaped his chest, “so I am a peasant?”

“Nah, you’re just a little fledgling that sometimes is a smartass little shit. Speaking of being a smartass, why didn’t you tell me _Mother Dearest_ called you and basically ripped you a new one? I had to hear it from dad,” God, he should have known he couldn’t keep it a secret; not that he was trying to hide it but it wasn’t that important to speak of. Tippens was now napping placidly, so he swapped his cell to his left hand and then rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. Talking of his mother wasn’t one of his favorite subjects, but something else was bothering him.

“Why did dad call _you?_ No, the better question is, why doesn’t he answer my calls or call me? Is he… is he disgusted with me Gabe?” his stomach roil at the thought; he loved his father and respected him, even though he didn’t agree with him in a few things.

“No! _No_ , what the fuck Cassie? Why would you say that about dad?” Gabe’s bellowed which took Cas by surprise; his brother wasn’t one to yell, but he should have known better. Gabe and their dad were very close; it was an odd combination but hey got a long very well. Yet, he couldn’t let it go without some sort of explanation.

“Then, why he hasn’t called me in weeks and doesn’t answer my calls Gabe? I know he must be disappointed with me; I supposed to---,”

“Stop it right there dear angel of mine, did mom told you something? _Fuck_ , she did right?” that’s why he didn’t like talking about their mother, the conversation always turned sour.

Cas sighed, his body had gone from completely relaxed to uncomfortably tense. The refreshing breeze caressing his skin and the sound of cheerful leaves on the trees weren’t doing anything to sooth his nerves. “I don’t want to talk about it; it isn’t important and I really don’t care what she thinks of me. I already know in her eyes I am a defective product, but dad is another story Gabe. I don’t want to lose him.”

Gabe exhaled loudly before speaking again, “Cassie, you won’t lose him. Dad loves you and that’s why he can’t call you or answer your calls…,” Gabe trailed off, Cas didn’t like this pause, it didn’t lead to anything good. His heart was hammering in his chest and tingling at the same time.

“What? I don’t---,”

“Our _Beloved_ mother has the house phones monitored; she is intercepting every call and listening on them. She wants to know what you’re doing and if you’re dating someone; Naomi has gone bonkers Cassie, she won’t rest until you cave,” his brother’s voice now sounded tired as if talking about their mother was an energy sucking curse. Cas mouth opened and closed; his mind was a puree of indecipherable thoughts.

“Gabe that’s…,”

“Fucked up, I know, this is the kinda shit you see in movies or soap operas,” Cas heard a rustling, Gabe must be getting out of bed; he didn’t like how their mother treated their father, Gabe had felt guilty for leaving their dad by himself.

“Gabe we need to help father get out of that house, he can’t---,”

“He doesn’t want to leave; trust me I have tried but he refuses. You know what he told me? That he _loves her_ , that’s crazy Cassie!” the frustration in Gabe’s voice was the same coursing through his own body.

“I…wow, I don’t know what to say. Gabe, I can’t understand his thinking _,” how could someone stay with a person who mistreats them?_ That was beyond his comprehension, but it was a knife slicing his veins. Cas felt powerless again, like last night at Dean’s house, when he was having the nightmare and he stood frozen in shock.

“You aren’t the only one baby bro. There’s not much we can do; I’ll keep you posted on dad’s situation. He prefers sacrifice talking to you than to let your privacy be exposed. And don’t worry, my lips are sealed and I’ve only said the basic stuff during our calls. We don’t want the Mistress to realize we know of her plans. Dad sent me a note by mail to let me know about the phone thing. I’m telling you, movie script material,” Gabe tried to joke, but the worry was a barbed wire coiled around their hearts.

“Tell dad I love him, that I hope I can see him soon,” all the peace that had bathed him during his run was now a distant feeling; a particularly painful wound had been inflicted to his heart.

“I will and he knows…um, so are you still getting those weird calls?” thank God Gabe was as eager to change the conversation as he was; though the chosen topic was a rather annoying one.

Cas stood up; it was time to head home and get ready for work. Tippens, the lazy little bugger required a few belly rubs to wake up, but Cas was more than happy to spoil him. “I am still getting them and it is worse now that I decided to ignore them. Before I would receive one call, now is three or four; I might have to change my number, which I don’t want to do because I have had it for years,” as he walked back home, a few fellow runners he saw around on his daily runs waved at him. Cas was glad he was somewhat back to being himself after the chaos his life had been after Sebastian. He didn’t know where he would be or in what state of mind, if he hadn’t received the unconditional support of his family.

“Hmm, probably changing it would be best; whoever is calling is determined to annoy the hell out of you. But I think you can block them on your cell, I’ll look for the info and send it to you,” Cas was a bit curious to know why Gabe was so worried about these calls; it wasn’t something that important, but he let it go.

“Thanks Gabe, talk to you later. Say hello to Kali for me,” he reached inside his pocket for the house keys and opened the door; Mrs. Agatha was waiting for them by the bay window.

“Aye aye, captain,” Cas was grateful for Gabe; he knew he could always count on him for anything.

********************************

Dean had taken Jo’s generous offer and decided to stay home. His body was feeling better than yesterday; at least he wasn’t hit by sudden pains at unexpected times. It was still early but he could tell things were different from yesterday. Dean’s mind felt unclogged and more focused; it hadn’t been a monumental effort to get up from bed and do his usual routine. Yet, a part of him was waiting for the floor to crumble; yes, he was the embodiment of pessimism. As he moved around the kitchen, trying to make a grill cheese sandwich to eat with his left over tomato soup, his cell rang. Dean’s stomach was an orchestra of mismatched instruments and he really didn’t want to talk to anyone before he had sated the hunger gnawing at him.

Regardless, he reached for his cell near the sink and answered the call; he put it on speaker and continued his task. “Sammy, why’re you callin’ so early?” he was surprised by the sound of his own voice; it sounded raspy, like he had been yelling non-stop. The smell of the soup and grill cheese swirled inside his nose like the most exquisite perfume, making his stomach growl loudly.

“What was that? Are you at the zoo?” Sam asked jokingly; Dean was relieved he wasn’t mad or treating him like a broken thing. He couldn’t take either, so he was glad.

“Ha-ha, smarty-pants,” the day was bright and not a cloud was in sight; he could see a few birds gliding around and some stray leaves doing a last dance before falling on the ground. He decided to eat outside, the calmness from outside too inviting to resist.

“How are you Dean?” Sam’s voice was less frantic than yesterday, but it still had an edge of worry in it; Dean couldn’t blame him, if it had been the other way around, he would be feeling the same way or worse.

“I’m better…,” the fresh gentle wind played with his short hair and touched his skin softly; it felt good, he missed the pureness of fresh air. Eating breakfast outside made him think of Cas; he could almost hear Cas’s dulcet laughter and his gravelly voice calling his name. The soup filling his mouth tasted even more delicious than yesterday, and it made his heart stutter. Now the soup not only held memories of his mom, but also of how Cas had taken such good care of him. It was still frightening and probably will always be, how Cas could disarm him with a word, a touch or a look.

“Nothing hurts anymore?” Sam’s voice shook him out of his daydreaming.

“No, I…I’m alright. Don’t worry, okay? Sorr---,”

“Uh-uh, you were in a bad place and in pain. I would have reacted the same or worse,” Dean heaved a sigh of relief, he was thankful for having such an understanding family. Another spoonful of tomato soup and he was thinking of Cas again; Cas’s middle name was probably ‘dreamy’ because the dude was charming. Remembering last night or some of it, because his brain had been a war zone thus, he doesn’t recall much; he felt a tidal wave of affection submerging his heart as he thought of Cas. He had been everything Dean needed and more; he had never met someone so patient and accommodating, apart from his family of course.

“Cas came over last night…,” _fucking shit_ , he hadn’t meant to say that, _why did I say that?_ Now Sam had ammunition to annoy the hell out of him and tell the others. _Fan-fucking-tastic!_ _Dammit Cas, even when you aren’t here, you mess up my brain._

“Ho-ho, interesting…,” the mirth in Sam’s voice, made him want to cut off all of his brother’s precious luscious hair. The little bastard won’t leave him alone now; not that he was any better before, he had been trying to hook him up with Cas since the beginning. It made him curious to know, _why Sam had taken so easily to Cas?_ _What had he seen in Cas to think him good enough for Dean?_ Sammy had always been laid back, but after their mom passed his brother became more protective of him. He knew it hit Sam very hard when he gave Andrew control of his life; the look of defeat on Sam’s face he will never forget.

 _Why had he been so blind?_ Now he was paying for his mistake. _No, no I need to stop_ , he told himself; he didn’t want to go back to yesterday and be swallowed whole by the beast. Regrets were a bitch to get rid of, but he made a promise to himself last night that he would try. He didn’t want to give them power over his future; Dean wanted to take the lessons from his mistakes, but not dragged them behind him. The quiet breeze and the melodious song of the birds, the warm sun rays bathing his skin and the rhythmic rustling of the green leaves on the trees were a pleasant reminder that he was alive. Life goes on and doesn’t stop for anybody; it is our choice to stay behind, buried under rotten memories, or run towards the sun, scarred but wiser. Dean really was trying to be the latter.

“So your ‘friend’ Cas, convinced you to let him inside, I see how it is,” there was no disguised anger or hurt feelings in Sam’s words; the little shit was _delighted_. “Tell me, did you watch movies and cuddle in the sofa together or did he cook your favorite meal? Did he stroke your hair lovingly until you fell asleep?”

He wanted to give a snarky response, but as usual, everything Cas related had him reduced to a mumbling mess, “Umm…,” _dammit Dean, you’re 31 freakin’ years old!_

“Oh, my God! So are you guys, you know, an item now?” Sam sounded like an overexcited teenager exchanging secrets with his best friend. Dean rolled his eyes as he brought the last spoonful of soup to his mouth; _fuck my luck_. Though Dean wished he could tell him ‘yes’ that in fact they were together; hopefully things would end up there, soon enough, if he wasn’t completely mistaken and the signs weren’t a figment of his wishful thinking.

“No Sammy, we aren’t an ‘item’ and were the hell did you get that from? Are you reading Cosmo again or watching E News?” Dean teased; deflecting was one of his preferred methods in situations like this. He hadn’t had such a hearty breakfast in a long time; yeah, he cooked a big breakfast for Sam and Cas a few days ago, but this one tasted different. It made him all warm and cozy inside; _Jesus I sound like a---_

Sam’s laughter boomed through the speaker; his little brother could be such an asshole. Dean leaned against the chair and tipped his head back; the sun rays filtering through the umbrella warmed his skin, it was a soothing feeling. His body had felt like the arctic all of yesterday; a cold hell killing everything alive. A shiver passed through his spine at the memory; he wished to never sink back to that desolate place.

“But you wished you were…I know what you’re trying to do Dean, but it isn’t going to work. Why don’t you go for it? I like Cas; he’s a little awkward, but a decent person,” _‘I like him too’_ , he wanted to say, but he needed to make sure he wasn’t misreading the situation. After all, if he confessed his interest and Cas wasn’t into him the same way, it would make the friendship uncomfortable. He didn’t want to lose him as a friend; Cas was a great friend and he need that in his life.

“Sammy dude lay off me…was I this bad when you were dating Jess?” he regretted ever messing with Sam; his little brother was a vengeful motherfucker.

“Worse, I’m actually being nice wi---,”

“Hold on Sammy,” on his cell screen, Charlie’s face smiled at him; the Queen of Moondor was calling. A small fond smile tugged at his lips; he had missed her.

“Charlie is callin’, talk to you later Moose,” he could practically see his brother rolling his eyes and giving him one of his famous bitch faces; it was satisfying to get under his skin.

“Take care Dean and I’ll say hi to Cas when I see him this afternoon,” before he could answer Sam had already ended the call; he would be so disappointed to not find Cas at the dojo when he got there. He felt giddy; seeing Cas two days in a row, regardless of the circumstances was a gift.

“Hello my qu---,”

“My handmaiden is bitch, who ignores his Queen’s calls and texts. What do you thing I should do with such an impertinent handmaiden, Dean? Should I strip him of his position?” the seriousness with which Charlie spoke mixed with the smile in her voice, made his smile grow.

“Hmm, that handmaiden sounds awful my Queen; I think you should be more strict,” talking to Charlie was easy; she was the little sister he never wanted, but couldn’t live without.

“I shall…,” her words were interrupted by other voices in the background; Dean could clearly hear Gilda’s soft voice asking Charlie a question. He was happy for them; they were living the dream life and so in love. Dean only wished, he could one day be lucky enough to have that too.

“Sorry Dean, we’re at the airport; Gilda’s paternal grandma passed away last night and we’re headed to the funeral,” his heart ache at that; losing a loved one was always a painful blow.

“Tell Gilda that I’m sorry for her loss,” even though he wasn’t in a party mood, he was looking forward to seeing Charlie tomorrow. Now with the sad news, he could feel darkness creeping closer again. Dean shook his head, trying with it to fling the toxic emotions. He needed to distract himself so he started walking back inside to clean up.

“I will…, but tell me, how’re you feeling?” Charlie sounded as worried as Sam, but she knew better than to baby him.

“I’m fine…uh, don’t worry about me. You take care of Gilda, she needs you more than I do,” he reached to turn on the faucet; housework was a blessing in disguise.

Charlie clicked her tongue and then spoke, “Winchester, I thought you knew by now not to make such remarks to me. You’re my brother and everything concerning you is important. Now tell me about that tall, dark and handsome, blue-eyed fellow who everyone in the fam seem to be swooning over. Don’t skimp on the dets,” Charlie was far too cheerful to be going to a funeral, yet, Dean appreciated her efforts to lift his mood. _You would like Cas, I’m sure_ , the fleeing thought injected some excitement in his heart.

“You guys are a bunch of busybodies; nothing is going on,” _not yet_ , his mind provided and he didn’t reject the thought.

“Non-sense, that’s what family is for, to annoy the crap outta ya. Now, fess up impudent handmaiden,” Dean’s face was painted with the biggest grin; he had missed these talks.

“Castiel… _Cas_ , he um…he’s…,”

“ _Wow_ , if he’s that dreamy to leave you speechless, then May the force be with you, young Luke,” Charlie sounded as serious as a heart attack and he couldn’t help but think the same. The feelings growing inside of him like vines for Cas were more than terrifying. And the worse part was that even though he was afraid, he couldn’t wait to set them free.

“I need to hang up now, one of the stewards is staring at me with creepy eyes,” she whispered, breaking into a fit of giggles when Dean started laughing.

“Take care kiddo, see you guys when you come back,” his heart felt a bit lighter; laughter was indeed an infallible medicine for the devil blues.

“Love you.”

“I know.”

******************************

The mornings always found a way to fly by in a flash; it was already 12:34 and it felt like he just got to the dojo. Paperwork was always a time consuming task; especially when your brother kept sending you ridiculously adorable animal videos and your cousin kept showing you pictures of his new rescue puppy. He needed to go home soon and pick up Tippens before going to Dean’s. His heart did a complicated flip behind his ribcage; he could spend days describing in fancy poetic verses each sensation every part of his body felt at the thought or mention of Dean. Cas was sure he could give Neruda a run for his money; writing poems as an ode to Dean’s star dusted freckles or to his gem-like eyes would be as simple as breathing. But he was no poet and certainly not Neruda, so all he could do was show his affection by doing ordinary things and hope they spoke clearly enough of his feelings.

“Are we thinking about Dean in a pair of lacy knickers or something friskier?” the familiar teasing voice whispering close to his ear startled him out of his woolgathering. He almost fell out of the chair, but Balt’s hands stayed him; his heart pounded against his ribs like a conga drum at a fast tempo.

Cas sighed, glaring daggers at Samandriel and Balt, who were too busy being giggling five years old. Sometimes he wanted to smack them upside the head, but today he was in a very good mood and Balt was doing him a favor. Cas sat up straight on the leather chair and set the papers he was holding on the desk, and then turned to face the two assholes he called family. “I am so happy you children find me so amusing and I am not even wearing a costume. Maybe I should ask Jacob and Tim to lend me a few from your private collection,” at that Balt instantly stopped laughing and a coughing fit immediately followed; Samandriel looked disgusted with the imagery Cas’s words provided and Cas felt very pleased with himself. It was nice to get to tease your teasers for a change.

After a few seconds passed trying to compose himself; his best friend looked at him with a face painted the color of a cranberry. Balt’s eyes were shining with accumulated unshed tears and his lips were split in the most self-satisfying grin Cas had seen in a while. “That was brill Cassie, bloody marvelous,” Balt praised, leaning in and dropping a kiss on each cheek. “How our sweet little chap has grown, I feel like a proud father. What a darling cheeky monkey,” he cooed, cupping Cas’s face.

Cas grabbed Balt’s hands and pulled them away from his face as he stood up. “Learned from the best,” he picked up the papers on the desk and passed them to Samandriel, and then looked back at Balt. “Thanks for doing this, I owe you,” he wasn’t one to miss work or go home early; Cas loves his job, but he couldn’t concentrate knowing Dean was home, alone and maybe in need of a distraction.

Balt shook his head and waved his hand, “ _bollocks!_ That’s what family is for and if we are to keep a list of favors owed, I think I’m in the red with you,” he chided, smiling fondly as he slapped Cas’s shoulder. “Now clear off and go smooch your fit bloke, cheerio,” Balt practically pushed him out the door whilst speaking and Cas was more than happy to hurry and get to Dean’s as soon as possible.

****************************

Cleaning had helped him organize some of his thoughts, but mind you; he still felt the effects of the violent war that went down yesterday. His body felt stronger than yesterday, but the effort he had spent cleaning around the kitchen and loading the washing machine had drained him. As he walked to the record player, he began to read the back cover of the book Mr. Pascal had lent him. It was a small somewhat thick book; the cover was butter yellow and light green, and glossy printed plants decorated it. When he reached the record player; he grabbed the tone-arm without peeling his eyes away from the book and then he placed it on the record resting on the platter. The cheery lyrics of _The Beatles’ ‘Hello Goodbye’_ started to fill the silent space; it always surprised him, how music more often than not made him feel like everything would be okay.

Languid steps took him to the front door and just as with the record player; he reached for the doorknob blindly and opened it. A warm breeze greeted him this time, as well as the sound of noisy leaves swaying to its touch; his eyes fluttered close and he took a deep breath, the fresh air cleaning his lungs. One of his arms rested on his side and the other held the book against his thigh; he could hear the swing moving to and fro like a wave, gently touching the shore. Except for these pleasant sounds, nothing else disturbed the peaceful silence; it was light and not oppressing like yesterday. With the deep breath, he took in the rich smells of waterlogged grass and earth; for a moment it felt like he was in a cabin in the woods, the idea was appealing.

Dean patted barefoot across the porch and to the swing and then sat down. The plush cushions felt good against his aching body; his eyes swept slowly around the porch. He sighed relieved because his plants hadn’t been damaged by the rain last night. Green eyes took in the quiet surroundings; not a person, car or pet on sight and he was glad. Distractedly, Dean’s feet pushed against the still damped wood floors and then, after the swing was moving at the desired speed, he lifted them and lay down; his head rested comfortably on one of the yellow and white stripped pillows. The motion was soothing; he felt more at peace and he wished the feeling would last for more than a few days. He had called Cecilia about an hour ago and she reacted to his confession more concerned than mad. Cecilia had told him that the physical pain he felt was closely connected to his emotional pain; something about the direct neural connections through the brain stem and spinal cord, and the circulatory and lymphatic systems carrying neurotransmitters. Dean had zone out as soon as she began to talk in scientific jargon. He was lucky to have so many people who cared, even though he felt like the heaviest burden.

He decided to push aside those poisonous thoughts and flipped though the book. His fingers stopped at an eye catching verse; it depicted his internal turmoil so well, as if Whitman had looked into his heart. _‘Now Lucifer was not dead….or if he was I am his sorrowful terrible heir; I have been wronged….I am oppressed….I hate him that oppresses me, I will either destroy him, or he shall release me.’_ That’s exactly how Dean felt; oppressed and at the mercy of his demons, but he wanted, no- _needed_ to break free because if he didn’t he would fall even deeper the cracks of hell.

Dean shook his head as if doing so would clear his mind; he didn’t want to start the day with negative thoughts. He didn’t want to give them power over his mind and control over his day. Cas was coming over and he didn’t want to worry him or make this day gray with his dark clouds. _Cas_ , the name was comfort to his heart; it was a cool breeze and a warm blanket, and Dean wanted to know more about him, _everything_ if possible. As he kept flipping through the book, another verse tugged his attention; this time it was more pleasant and again as if taken from his head.

_‘The expression of a well-made man appears not only in his face, it is in his limbs and joints also….it is curiously in the joints of his hips and wrists, it is in his walk….the carriage of his neck….the flex of his waist and knees….dress does not hide him…you linger to see his back and the back of his neck and shoulder side.’_

Each word reminded him of Cas; Dean could clearly see Castiel accurately painted in his mind, every part of his clothed body talking to his own. Yet, it didn’t feel like the regular sexual desire; the one fueled with lust. It was still sensual but held a deeper meaning; they hadn’t known each other long, but Dean already knew he didn’t want only sex. He has had his fill of various kinds of sex; except one and Cas was the embers rekindling the algid bonfire that was his body. He was sure that if he hadn’t been suddenly invaded by a crushing wave of exhaustion; he and his right hand would have had a very X-rated date. His eyes gradually drifted closed, like two flower petals bowed by droplets of water. In his dreams or probably in his recent memories, he didn’t know because it was too murky to see clearly; he heard a familiar voice sing a familiar song. He could feel a warm and strong presence next to him; warm fingers brushing his face and a cool mist bathing his flesh. It felt good…though now, huh? Something warm and…slimy was licking his cheek.

“ _Tippens_ , no boy, stop that!” the gravelly voice parted his eyes and there was Cas, smiling softly. Illuminated by the vibrant afternoon sun rays, he looked like one of Klimt’s paintings; ornate with entrancing natural features and covered in a golden shroud.

“Hello Dean, I am sorry for Tippens behavior; as soon as he saw you, he rushed to your side,” _he did what I could not_ , he thought regretfully. Dean looked much better, but it was obvious he was still on the mend; he looked adorable though, his sleepy green eyes fighting against the bright sunlight and his messy short hair.

Dean languidly sat up on the swing and patted Tippens soft furry head, all the while looking at Cas. The man was a sight straight out of his wet dreams; black t-shirt, nice fitting light blue jeans, a dark blue and red cap with a rooster printed on the front and those damn aviators again. He was beginning to think he had a sunglasses kink, but only for Cas because holy crap, that man looked so fucking attractive.

“Hiya Cas, I’m happy this lil dude likes me so much. He can give me all the kisses he wants,” Dean licked lips whilst still looking at him; Cas wished the invitation extended to him as well. He licked his own lips, not missing how Dean’s eyes intensely followed the movement. _So he wasn’t imagining things then, there was interest_. Yet, he knew now wasn’t the time to act on them and to talk about them. Dean needed to be back in control of his emotions; he didn’t want to take advantage of his vulnerability. Though, he does remember Dean had shown some interest before his breakdown, so his feelings might not be a result of his current state. The happy noises coming out of Tippens mouth as Dean kept petting him broke the moment. The rumble of laughter twirling out of Dean’s chest melted his heart; _how could a sound so ordinary be that touching and beautiful?_ It affected him at a molecular level. His mouth had turned into an arid ground that begged to be watered by Dean’s lips. The hand holding the leash clenched and his mouth moved to form a smile of its own. He felt like a marionette and Dean was the puppeteer.

“Are you hungry?” Dean’s husky voice dragged him out of his contemplation; he was already walking towards the door. The play of muscles on Dean’s back moved his gray t-shirt in a mesmerizing way; the red sweat pants, snug around his enticing ass made his mouth water. Tippens suddenly pulled at the leash so hard that it took him by surprise and he almost tripped. An undignified yelp made its way out of his mouth and he felt his face burn.

 _Oh Jesus!_ Cas was the cutest son of a gun he had ever met; he couldn’t hold in the string of giggles floating out of his chest. As usual his hand flew up to cover his mouth and as it did, long finger curled softly around his wrist and his eyes almost jumped out of his sockets. _Blue_ , electric violent blue, a rope of fire and his heart trotting unhinge was all that Dean could feel and see; reality was a background too dull for him to notice. Cas’s hold on him was like the gravity of a black hole; it was so overpowering he couldn’t get out of it. And the scary part was that it wasn’t a physical hold; the fingers wrapped around his wrist were loose, one yank and he could break free. Now, his heart- that was another matter entirely.

“ _Why?_ Why do you hide your smiles Dean? They are so very beautiful,” Dean almost swallowed his tongue and his knees betrayed him again. Strong arms once again held him and instantly his body was a piece of wood consumed by wildfire. _Inches_ , Cas’s mouth and his were mere inches away from each other; his own hands tightly gripping Cas’s t-shirt and heated breaths colliding against each other. He gulped; his entire body deliciously tense and aching, the good kind. His eyes fluttered closed and his lips parted, and then he was violently dragged out of their bubble by a sharp pain on his leg. He bit down a cry and toppled on Cas’s firm chest; one hand rubbed small circles on his back in what was becoming a common gesture. His head suddenly dizzy rested on a tense shoulder and the deep breaths he took in brought with it notes of cinnamon.

“ _Dean_ , let’s go inside, can you walk?” Cas’s heart was thundering behind his ribcage; seeing Dean in pain was worse than being in pain himself. Tippens concerned whines reached his ears and his heart clenched when he saw his sweet tyrant rub his head against Dean’s leg.

“I…um yeah, let’s go…,” he breathed; the pain had left as fast as it had come, but it had taken him by surprise thus, he was somewhat out of it. Between Cas’s arms and Tippens gesture of affection Dean felt so safe; the stinging in his eyes must be because of the pain, yeah it had to be. He wanted to stay cocooned in those arms forever; they fit perfectly around him, like the missing puzzle piece he had always been searching for.

Cas’s arms unwrapped from his body and then they walked inside. Cas took his shoes off and Dean took the leash off of Tippens. As they walked to the kitchen, ‘Hey Jude’, started to play and strangely enough it made Dean’s heart thump faster. Cas set the tote bag on the table and as he did he sang quietly; even though, Dean could hear him and then he swallowed hard. He had heard Cas sing this song before, but when? Last night…it must have been last night. _Christ!_ Dean wished he remembered yesterday in more detail, but except for a few things he doesn’t recall much.

 ** _God! They had almost kissed_** ; Dean was interested in him. Dean, like him, wanted something to happen. _Not now Cas! Don’t you see he is still not feeling well, don’t be so selfish_ , he chastised himself, now wasn’t the time. Regardless, he felt himself fly and perch on the highest mountain; after Dean felt better, they could talk about it and maybe…maybe what he thought a daydream could become a reality.

“How are you feeling?’ he asked, turning around, now more composed.

“I’m alright; it was a quick sharp pain. Um…so you aren’t hungry?” Dean wanted to ask; he wanted to know what happened yesterday. _What was he forgetting or what had happened?_

“Okay, uh, not yet and you?”

“No, I had a filling breakfast, it was even more delicious than last night,” he confessed; the twinkling in Cas’s eyes and the tiny quirk on his lips turned him into goo. _What would have happened if they had kissed? What would they be doing now?_

“What would you like to do?” Cas always made sure they did what he wanted, it was a new experience for Dean; he was usually the pleaser, the one to make sure other people were happy or at least try.

“We can go out to the backyard, maybe Tippens wants to run around and play for a bit,” he suggested; feeling a bit awkward after their almost kiss, _fucking leg_. Lamentation after lamentation composing a sorrowful song in his head; one he was determined to rewrite very soon.

“Good plan, I brought a Frisbee,” Cas’s excited smile gave his heart small wings; one person shouldn’t have so much power over him.

Tippens was the first to go out the door Dean was holding open and then Cas; the view was plenty enjoyable, his hands itched to touch. He took a deep breath as he shook his head and bit down the grin flourishing on his lips; so his suspicions were proven right, Cas was interested but then, _why wasn’t he talking about what almost happened?_ Slow steps took him to the steps going down to the yard and then he sat; the warm breeze touched his skin gently and continued its way to graze the discoloring leaves of the trees. The large red maple tree on the left side of the yard provided good shading, but it wasn’t enough to combat the heat if the wind was muggy and feeble. Cas had already thrown the Frisbee for Tippens and the little guy launched at it like a rocket. It must be fun to play like that; he wished he could. His hand automatically went to rub his leg; the pain and discomfort a punishment and reminder of his stupidity.

Cas had taken off his sunglasses and was running barefooted around the yard; his smiles and laughter making everything else fade. He found himself smiling as his eyes followed the pair; Dean wanted his house like this, full of life and happiness. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he flinched when a warm tongue licked his fingers, but instantly melted when big dark eyes looked at him expectantly, and then looked down at the Frisbee by his feet. Dean’s hands moved to cup Tippens face and started to massage his ears; the owner and the dog, he wanted them both. “Sorry buddy can’t play with you today.”

“Even as he was running around he was keeping an eye on you; cats and dogs are very perceptive of a person’s mood,” Cas spoke made his way towards them; one hand holding the cap while the other ran through his hair. Dean’s eyes snapped back down because, _holy crap Cas looked extra sexy_. He ventured his eyes up again because not looking at someone while they are talking to you is weird and immediately he wished he didn’t because _fucking dammit_. Cas’s flushed face and bright eyes coupled with his tongue licking his lips distractedly was an instant boner inducer.

A nervous smile stretched his lips and he decided to look back at Tippens; his hands tingling something furious like the rest of his body as they kept busy playing with the fur ball’s ears. _Thank God for dogs!_ “Yeah, I’ve heard that before….,” another quick glance and yeah, Dean Winchester was officially dead. Cas t-shirt was sticking to his skin and one of his hands slowly moved to flap it up and down. Dean’s mouth went instantly dry and wet, a weird combination he hadn’t experience before; his heart knocked against his chest like an electric drum offbeat. Cas, the little devil seemed completely oblivious of the torture he was submitting Dean to because he kept at it while looking around the yard with joy. Meanwhile, Dean’s eyes were empty glasses filling themselves with as much as they could see. As the shirt ride up, he could see a bit of the sharp hip bones calling at his teeth and the taut belly revealing a dark happy trail, Dean wanted to follow with it his fingers and end it with his tongue. He swallowed hard as his fingers tightened around Tippens ears; like dew drops on the grass, sweat was glistening on Cas’s skin and Dean was lost.

A painful whine from Tippens jerked him out of his enthrallment and his heart tore a little. He gave Cas an apologetic look and then looked back at the sweet fury friend and hugged him. His heart was still thundering in his chest from the erotic view, so he decided to lengthen the hug; apparently Tippens was okay with it because he was making a very amusing contented noise. “I am feeling mildly jealous and left out,” at the croaky voice, Dean let go of Tippens slowly to look at Cas, who clearly didn’t know the weight of his words and the power of his sex appeal. Trying to speak at that moment for Dean was the same as fighting a cough while drinking water.

Tippens went up a couple of steps and walked to the half opened door, and then looked back at them. “Oh, so your majesty is done playing?” Cas joked, looking from Tippens to Dean.

“Smart dog you’ve got there; it’s too hot to be outside not to mention running around,” he commented as he stood up and then strolled together with Cas to the kitchen.

“I can’t wait for fall, there’s a limit to how much heat I can take and I want to be able to drink tea, hot chocolate and pumpkin flavored everything already,” Cas enjoyed every season, but fall was his favorite; he couldn’t pick one thing he loved about it, there were too many. He took a bowl out of his tote bag and went to the sink to fill it with cool water, and then set it on the floor by the door.

Dean was already taking out the food and getting it ready to warm it up. “Don’t tell me it’s your favorite season?” he questioned whilst taking a couple of plates out of the cupboard.

He nodded, “Yes, it has always been… and yours?” Cas wanted to get himself cleaned up before getting close to the food; he wanted to help Dean get everything ready.

“Same,” Dean couldn’t believe how many things they had in common; it was rare. It was nice learning new things about Cas.

“Too bad Texas doesn’t have pumpkin farms or apple picking. I guess we can always go to the nursery. There’s actually one close to my house; it’s lovely and I was told they decorate it beautifully for the holidays,” it would be nice if they could go together, a date. He felt Tippens head knock against his leg and immediately went to get him some food.

“Is it the one in Custer Road, Calloway’s Nursery? I go there sometimes; the owners are good folks and yeah, they do a great job decorating,” _did Cas really meant for them to go together?_ He would really like that.

“Yes, that one…um Dean, can I use your bathroom?”

“Of course dude, you don’t have to ask…,” was his quick reply as he put one of the plates in the microwave, “and Cas, use a hand towel to clean that sweat, it must be uncomfortable. Also, I can lend you a t-shirt,” the mere thought of Cas in his clothes made him shiver with excitement.

Cas’s heart did a back flip at the offer; wearing Dean’s clothes and having his smell imprinted on his flesh made his brain short circuit. “Yes please, that would be nice, thank you Dean.”

While Cas was in the bathroom and the food was warming up, Dean went up to his room to get the t-shirt. It was a soft well-worn black and white Zeppelin t-shirt, one of his favorite ones actually. When he got to the kitchen he almost face planted on the ceramic floor; _what the fuck, oh my God! Calm down, calm down Dean. You have seen half naked men before, more than half naked and then some._ But they weren’t Cas, they weren’t freakin’ owners of killer hipbones, a solid chest, sculpted arms, pink pert nipples and a broad back he wanted to cling to and scratch while Cas fucked him thoroughly. _And Cas had tattoos! Like he needed to be any more perfect?!_ One coming down on the left side ribs and another on his right hipbone; Japanese or Chinese characters in black ink and they looked hot as fuck. _Oh Jesus, oh wow! Stop, stop right there, buddy; breath and think of… oh Christ._ His internal freak out was entirely justified and he wished he could run back to his room, because Cas was smiling innocently and walking towards him. And the way his muscles moved as he did was mouthwatering, among other things; he was in danger of popping a boner in front of his _friend_.

“Dean, _Dean_ are you okay? Your face is crimson, is it your leg again?” Cas sounded so worried; _Jesus_ , if only he knew the dirty things Dean was imagining.

Dean shook his head and handed him the t-shirt, his eyes evading sky blues; he couldn’t form words so he just briskly walked past Cas to the island, and immediately got busy getting flatware and glasses. He didn’t notice the concerned look on Cas’s eyes nor how he subtly took a whiff at the t-shirt before putting it on. _Cool your head, breathe, yeah that’s it, um…Bobby naked with Rufus, ewww, how the heck am I going to look at them now?!_ He wasn’t a teenager to get so easily flustered, it was pathetic.

“Do you need help?” Cas’s deep voice shattered his thoughts, but he wasn’t ready to look into those eyes yet.

“Ye…yeah, uh you can get the drinks. Um, there’s mango and cranberry juice, also so Pepsi and Big Red, water…,” he murmured whilst his eyes remained glue to the steaming plates filled with paella; Cas must be thinking there’s something else wrong with him, acting so awkward all of a sudden. He ventured to look up when he could no longer feel Cas’s intense gaze on him and _why?! Why did he do it?!_ The t-shirt was loose on Cas and as he bent to reach for the drinks it rose up revealing more skin and that fine as hell ass. Tippens head rubbing against his leg pulled his eyes away from temptation and he was grateful. A few deep breaths and he was more or less in charge of his dick again.

“Do you want to eat at the table or while watching movies?” he asked his voice a bit wobbly. Dean lifted his right hand to scratch his neck and he hoped his weird behavior hadn’t ruined the rest of the day.

Cas walked towards him, carrying plastic bottles of cranberry juice and mango on each hand. The loose shirt moved and clung at all the right places, hypnotizing Dean completely; if his eyes were lasers Cas would be naked right now. Dean’s hands gripped the edge of the counter top so hard his knuckles turned white. “What do you want to do?”

“Why do you always turn the question back to me? You do that almost all the time when I ask you what you want,” Dean retorted; he appreciated Cas always taking him into consideration, but he was very curious to know the answer.

Cas tilted his head, in that way Dean found extremely adorable and then spoke, “Well, I am fine doing anything really, so I want _you_ to always be comfortable with whatever we are doing. What we do or how we do it isn’t as important as you,” _oh wow, okay, um speechless, again_ ; Cas said the simplest things and every time they were the words Dean unknowingly needed to hear. He could feel the heat rising from his neck to his cheeks like high tides and he had to avert his eyes. Cas had the gift to strip him of every layer, no matter how thick and it was nerve-racking.

“Um, okay…uh let’s go then,” he sounded like a mumbling idiot, God; he truly fails to be charming in front of Cas every single time. _Who wants a babbling weirdo as a boyfriend or even as a friend?_

They walked to the living room and set the food on the coffee table; Dean went put on the DVD and then joined Cas at the sofa. Tippens sat by Cas’s feet, looking sleepy after his meal. The first bite of paella and again Dean was embarrassing himself with a very low and drawn out moan. Least to say he didn’t know where to look or what to say. “I told you I was going to conquer your taste buds,” Cas joked; smiling and looking quite smug.

Dean knocked his shoulder against Cas’s and looked at him with narrow eyes, “Cool it Novak or I won’t cook for you anymore,” it was an empty threat of course; Dean liked to cook for Cas and see him enjoy his food.

Cas closed his lips dramatically, “Zipping my mouth, I don’t want Chef Winchester to deny me his amazing cooking,” as he said the last word, he winked and Dean’s heart stuttered.

Dean chuckled and shook his head, “This is delicious Cas, thank you…,” he confessed, giving Cas a side glance, “For the food, for your company, I…thanks.”

Cas wanted to cradle Dean’s gorgeous face in his hands and tell him so many things, but he could sense Dean’s discomfort; it seemed Dean wasn’t comfortable expressing his feelings and he didn’t want to push. They ate in a companionable silence and between eating, Dean sharing fun facts about the movies, eating some more and cleaning the kitchen, the sky was beginning to darken. Tippens had left them to go and explore around the yard. They were in the middle of Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade when Dean broke the silence.

“Cas, um last night, what happened when we went upstairs? I…my mind was foggy, uh did you…I think I heard you sing,” he knew he sounded like a crazy person, but he needed to know. His heart was racing so fast he could feel it heaving his chest and his hands trembled mildly; his fingertips felt like icicles.

Cas gulped; remembering Dean thrashing in agony and begging for the attacker to stop made his stomach churn. From the corner of his eyes, he could see Dean looking panicked; his shoulders were tense and his hands fidgeted with the pillow he was holding against his chest. He looked so small and frail; a delicate soul that had been through the worse, but even so lived his life bravely. His own hands played distractedly with the hem of the borrowed t-shirt; he didn’t know how Dean was going to react.

“You drank two Tylenol's and as soon as your head hit the pillow you went to sleep. I was going to leave, but you asked me to stay,” he spoke calmly and noticed how Dean’s cheeks tinted red, but he pretended not to look. “You went back to sleep and I went to treat my cut. I heard faint moans and went to check on you. Your body was writhing violently on the bed and…,” he trailed off, the memory seared vividly in his memory.

“And what, Cas?”

“You were kicking and punching the air as if you were fighting off an invisible person. You were also pleading with that person to stop and crying for help,” Cas felt Dean tensing even more and as he ventured a glance he was taken aback by the fury glimmering in his green eyes. Dean’s hands were now clenched so tight to the point his knuckles popped.

“I didn’t know what to do,” he continued; his heart galloped intemperate, though his tried to maintain a composed appearance for Dean’s sake. “So I started to sing the song your mother sang for you, hoping it would help… and it did,” he concluded hastily; he wanted the heavy veil that had suddenly shrouded them to disappear. Dean’s feet tapped on the floor doing a coordinated little dance and his face was marred with a bitter look.

“What did I say?” Dean’s voice sounded tighter than when he got upset with him yesterday; it made his blood freeze.

Cas ran one of his hands through his mussy hair as the other one rubbed against his taut thigh. “Who is Andrew, Dean? Was he the one responsible for your injuries?” he knew this could very well mess everything up, but if the mere mention of that name perturbed Dean, then it was important. Cas braced himself for the possible fall out, though he wasn’t ready to lose Dean.

The voices and noises coming from the television were quiet compare to the deafening sounds of fast tempo heartbeats and deep breaths. After a few minutes of hellish silence Dean spoke, “ _Yes,_ ” it came out as a whisper; a terrible and dolorous sound that sucked all the air from the room and replaced it with venomous gas.

Dean hated the sound of Andrew’s name rolling off Cas’s tongue, tainting it with each letter. One glance at Cas’s face and he was paralyzed; _hate_ , so much hate and violence swimming in those sapphire eyes he liked so much. It was wrong, Andrew was his cross to bear and he wasn’t going to let Cas be touched by his clutches. Cas was a warm light and Dean needed him to be that because, who else could guide him back to the surface after being engulfed in darkness. Without thinking it, he reached for Cas’s hand and squeeze it; blue eyes immediately set upon him, a blue raging storm swallowing everything.

“I…that’s all I’m gonna say about it, for now” he gulped; feeling as if an apple was stuck in his throat. “I need time, _give me time_ ,” he breathed, his eyes trapped without escape in the middle of the blue chaos.

Cas nodded, albeit reluctantly as he brought his right hand to Dean’s gripping his; he couldn’t form not even a single letter; his whole being was a chunk of meat going through a meat grinder. They stayed immovable, looking at each other and holding hands for seconds, minutes probably, until a big explosion in the movie jerk them out of their trance. The heavy mood persisted, yet they didn’t speak; it wasn’t until he felt Dean’s head softly fall on his shoulder that he noticed he had fallen asleep. He reached for the red throw blanket lying close to Dean and covered him, and then lowered the volume. A few minutes later Dean was snoring softly and Tippens walked towards him after playing outside. His little tyrant gave him a curious look as he tilted his head; Cas put his index finger in front of his mouth and it was enough for his smart friend to understand. Tippens sat quietly by his feet.

Cas moved his lips closer to Dean and dropped a chaste kiss on top of his head, and then reached for his left hand and did the same. It was a promise; a promise to be there for Dean and support him. And also a way to calm himself down, because he felt murderous; _Andrew pray to God we never meet._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and for all your support!  
> Please let me know how you liked the chapter, it will be greatly appreciated :)


	19. ~Not All Good Intentions Are Good~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean had to bite down on his lip to contain the massive smile automatically tugging at them. He could hear the quiet whispers around him, but at that moment he didn’t care. Dean had seen Cas just last night; he had fallen asleep during the movie and when he woke up, his head was resting on Cas’s lap, remembering it made his cheeks burn. Cas made him feel things he thought weren’t possible anymore and it was thrilling; Dean couldn’t get enough of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,  
> Our boys are making good progress, but some stones on the way are unavoidable. 
> 
> Happy reading!

 

Dean’s mattress was calling to him in a sweet voice that was extremely difficult to resist; not even the delicious smell of corn fritters, red beans, mashed potatoes, and fried chicken steak was enough to ebb away his fatigue. He had gone to work before going to his appointments and was almost moved to tears by the concern his patients showed towards him. Between his physical therapy appointment with Benny and then Cecilia, he was mentally and physically exhausted. The only reason he was at Missouri’s dinner party was because Jo had practically dragged him out of the house. Don’t get him wrong, he enjoys spending time with his family and today was a special day for Missouri; he didn’t want to be a jerk so that’s why he didn’t fight Jo, but he couldn’t wait to go home. The loud happy voices animatedly speaking made his head pulse; the contented smile he was sporting required a tremendous effort and it had slipped from his lips a few times, causing worry and arising questions.

Another reason he was here was to meet the beautiful chubby baby in his arms; Ruth was as lovely as her mother. Marina looked so proud every time her daughter was lavished with compliments. Holding her made the desire of parenthood even stronger; it felt like little bubbles bursting inside his heart. The sweet girl glued to his hip, also made that longing grow every time he looked into those innocent hazel eyes. Mary Rose had been the one to waken up that paternal instinct in him. He watched her come into the world and that had been one of the most important life-changing moments of his life. Dean knew then and there that someday he wanted to experience fatherhood, thought the fear of not being a good father had made him fearful.

“You look good carrying a baby Dean. Someday a little boy or girl will be lucky enough to call you daddy,” Marina’s soft voice pulled him out of his thoughts. His heart palpitated happily at the words and the smile stretching his lips this time was genuine. Dean hoped it was true; he didn’t want to turn out like his…like John. The baby in his arms wiggled a bit; Ruth was completely determined on eating her foot. The sight was enough to wrench a soft laughter out of his chest and at that; the little girls and Marina followed suit.

“Thanks Mari… um, why didn’t Brittany and Matt come?”

Marina scooted over closer; the white flowy dress she was wearing accentuated beautifully her dark skin. The light blue love seat was a bit cramped with two adults, two kids and a diaper bag, but the place was crowded so they had to make due. “Mama had to stay; a city inspector was coming over today. I told her I would stay but she refused; stubborn woman,” she answered and then smiled fondly. “Matt had to go back home for the weekend; his father isn’t feeling well and refuses to go to the hospital,” she sighed, her bloodshot eyes a telltale of her stress.

Dean bit his lip as his eyes glanced down at Ruth and Mary Rose, and then back at Marina. Everyone had problems; it was a part of life. “I’m sorry about Matt’s father,” he murmured; a twinge of grief clasped his heart painfully as he remembered his mother. The soft squeeze on his arm dragged him out of bad memories and he was grateful. Marina’s kind face made the unpleasant images dissipate a little.

“Unki D, I am a yellow belt now,” Mary Rose announced with pride and then the biggest grin illuminated her pretty round face.

“Oh yeah? Wow, you must be really good Caramel. You have to show me some moves girl,” he replied enthusiastically; his mind quickly conjuring Cas in his black and red uniform. _Damn_ , that man has a killer body and now that he knew Cas had tattoos, let’s say his dreams have become even more interesting. He immediately stomped those thoughts; it wasn’t the time or the place, maybe later. Dean lifted one of his hands and immediately Mary Rose high-five him. Marina next to him smiled and Ruth blew some spit bubbles, making them burst into loud laughter.

“You guys look like you’re having a good time; can we share in the fun?” Jo asked, walking towards them smiling; she was wearing a flowy yellow skirt and a simple white lace blouse, her hair down. Victor was next to her, his arm wrapped around her waist; he looked somewhat tired, his usually bright eyes small and dull. Sam and Jess followed right behind them, Bobby and Rufus as well. Missouri was busy talking to the other guests; Mr. Pascal followed her around like a lost puppy, Dean couldn’t suppress the smile flourishing on his lips.

“Of course, the more the merrier; Victor, man you okay?” Everyone’s eyes fell on the weary man and he sighed; he lifted his hand and massaged his temples.

“I’m just tired as fu---,”

“Children present, language,” Sam chided playfully, slapping Victor’s shoulder and making him hiss. Jo’s eyes narrowed as she looked at Sam, lifted her hand and made a fist at him; the exchange drew a few chuckles and Dean felt his fatigue ebb a bit.

“Sorry…It has been so busy, we are short staffed,” another tired sigh floated out of Victor’s mouth.

Dean stood up with Ruth still in his arms and then spoke, “Sit dude, you look like you’re ‘bout to fall over.”

“No man, sit down; you don’t look any better yourself and you’re holding a treasure,” Victor waved his hand and smiled. Dean could feel his brother’s eyes on him as he walked away; he really didn’t want to be the center of attention again. His body hummed, dreading the unwanted attention. A few seconds later Sam came back with a couple of chairs from the dining room.

“Vic, here, sit,” he passed one of the chair to him and then set down the other one close to Jess.

“Is it because of budget cuts or have people transferred?” Sam questioned sitting and pulling Jess to his lap.

“A mix of both…but hopefully it’ll get better soon because we’re all under so much pressure,” as he spoke he rested his head on Jo’s shoulder and she ran a hand over his head.

“Hang in there Vic, good luck,” Jess soft voice was always soothing; as a nurse she knew how stressful it was to work in a busy hospital, especially understaffed.

“Thanks Jess… Jo, do you want to tell them now or---,”

Curious eyes looked around, eyebrows raising and then settling upon the pair. “What’s goin’ on?” Bobby gruffly questioned, not one to like surprises. Rufus came back with a tray full of beer and glasses of juice. Dean didn’t even notice when he left the group; he had been too busy playing pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker’s man with the girls. _Yes_ , he played those games and he was very good at it; he was also an expert at tea parties and he rocked those hats, thank you very much. Marina handed him a glass of juice and he nodded in thanks.

“C’mon fellows we ain’t have all night,” insisted Bobby, tipping his beer bottle.

Dean’s heart started to beat faster and he had to bit down the grin tugging his lips; _could it be?_ Jo face shone with a special glow and as soon as she looked at him with radiant eyes and a watery smile, he had no doubts left. _Oh my God_ , he mouthed and then smiled widely. He could feel the confused gazes of the others on him, but he didn’t say anything. After a few seconds, Jo took a deep breath and flicked her eyes around; Victor held her hands and then announced, “The adoption came through; Patricia says that our baby boy will be finally in our arms next month. So get ready for another party,” her voice cracked and tears stained her rosy cheeks. Victor’s arms wrapped her up in a tight hug and after the private moment everyone got up to congratulate them. Missouri and Mr. Pascal quickly walked over to express their joy; even the other guests joined in the mini celebration.

“Wow, I’m so happy for you guys; you deserve all the best,” his voice was a murmur; the knot in his throat blocked all the words he wanted to say. He hugged the baby in his arms a little tighter and dropped a kiss on her head, and then did the same to Mary Rose. His family was growing and he couldn’t help the tears welling up in his eyes; though he quickly blinked them away as inconspicuously as possible.

“Congrats, uncle Rufus will gladly babysit anytime.”

Bobby snorted, “Oh please, what do you know ‘bout babies, you idjit?”

Rufus knocked his shoulder against Bobby’s, “More than you that’s for sure, old man,” he retorted and laughed at Bobby’s sour expression; the others following suit.

“We have to start organizing that welcoming party soon,” Marina commented cheerfully, glancing at Jess and then at Jo.

“Oh no, uh-uh girls, I want to participate too. So let’s get together next weekend and start planning; Gilda and Charlie still don’t know I’ll tell them when they come back and they can help too,” the happiness was rolling off in waves from Jo and Victor; they couldn’t look more in love.

“Whatever you want madam, just say it” Jess said jokingly, affection lacing each word.

“Wow, so Grandma Ellen must be on cloud nine,” Sam’s voice was muffled by Jess shoulder; Dean could tell Sam couldn’t wait to tease Ellen about her new title.

Jo laughed, giving Victor a side glance, “She screamed like a banshee when we told her; I was afraid she would have a heart attack.” Ellen was a tough woman; she reminded Dean of his mom. Even though she had a strong personality, she was one of the kindest people he had ever met, and he knew how much she wanted a grandbaby. The conversation continued animatedly, but his brain got a bit distracted with thoughts of Cas. _Was he really dropping by?_ He glanced at the grandfather clock, 8:11 and Cas--- his cell vibrated in his back jean pocket and he reached for it. Dean didn’t miss the smirk on Sam’s face or the interested looks of the others; nosy family through and through. He immediately opened the text and brought the cell closer to him; away from prying eyes. _Cas_ was the main reason he was there; he felt bad for feeling that way but he couldn’t deny the truth.

** Cas:  ** _Hello Dean, I am five minutes away; I didn’t know if you were having dinner already. If so, I can visit Missouri tomorrow and give her the gift._

Dean had to bite down on his lip to contain the massive smile automatically tugging at them. He could hear the quiet whispers around him, but at that moment he didn’t care. Dean had seen Cas just last night; he had fallen asleep during the movie and when he woke up, his head was resting on Cas’s lap, remembering it made his cheeks burn. Cas made him feel things he thought weren’t possible anymore and it was thrilling; Dean couldn’t get enough of him. Not wasting any time, swift fingers began to type a reply.

** Dean:  ** _Don’t be silly, just hurry up and get here._

He didn’t care if he sounded desperate; he was past that already. Cas had seen him at his worst, so he wasn’t going to sweat the small details anymore. Ruth’s little hands reached for his holding the cell and at the same time the cell vibrated, startling her. Instead of crying, she began to laugh hysterically and at that, the others broke into a fit of giggles. At least that took the attention off of him, but not long enough.

** Cas:  ** _Okay, see you in two minutes._

Dean’s heart triple jumped behind his ribcage; he was thankful for the noise because he was sure it was beating loud enough to be heard. His body buzzed from head to toe and his stomach felt like it was falling; Cas was harmful for his health, he felt like he died every time he was near. “Was that Cas?” Of course it had to be Sam the one to ask, his brother was a vengeful little shit; that long hair was getting closer to being cut off. At the question, his head snapped back up and Jess gave him an apologetic look.

“Yeah,” was his terse answer as he leaned back against the sofa.

“Finally meeting the beau,” Jo sing songed; even though she looked content there was something in her demeanor that wasn’t quite right, but he didn’t bother to worry too much.

“It’s ‘bout time,” Bobby’s rough voice added as he gulped down another drink.

“Cas isn’t my ‘beau’, he is my friend, _behave_ ,” he pointed at everyone; a serious expression on his face. Dean instantly jumped off the sofa at the first knock on the door. He took Ruth with him and Mary Rose trailed after; he missed the lively conversations going on behind his back, not that he cared. Cas and he were probably the topic of the gossip.

“Look at him, the fool is so whipped he doesn’t even know how gone he is,” Rufus murmured, sharing knowing looks with Bobby and Sam.

“What’s wrong doll?” Victor asked, kissing his wife’s neck.

Jo shook her head, “Nothing hon, I just need to ask…or more like tell Dean something later.”

 _Oh my fucking God! Wow, wow…Jesus_ , Dean didn’t know how to English anymore; Cas, that sonuvabitch was trying to give him a heart attack. All the air left his body in a rush and the neurons in his brain froze in place. His eyes he was sure were wide as two plates and his cheeks must be the color of tomatoes; if the fire he felt blazing his skin was something to go by. He felt under-dressed next to Cas’s gray slacks that showcased those taut well-developed thighs, a grey long sleeved button down shirt, a freakin’ black waistcoat that highlighted that firm tattooed chest and to add more fuel to the raging conflagration in the pit of his stomach; a red tie with light yellow stripes. That tie provided him with all sorts of mental images he shouldn’t be thinking about while holding a baby, and his niece hugging his thigh. _And that messy nest of dark silky locks; oh dear Baby Jesus, why are you doing this to me?_ Cas probably hadn’t bother much with it before going out; Dean’s fingers were itching to bury in it and pull at it. _Say something you idiot, before Cas finally confirms how mistaken he is to want to hang out with you_.

“Hiya Cas…, um looking spiffy,” _oh wow seriously Dean, how old are you, nine? You know what? I give up; I can’t get the upper hand when Cas is involved. Yeah, I give up, just say whatever buddy._ He licked his lips, hugged the baby closer and looked down in a last effort to compose himself, and then stepped aside to let Cas inside.

“Good evening Dean,” Cas’s gravelly voice made a chill run slowly up his spine; that low and rough sound was like a caress kissing his skin. “Hi there Mary Rose, did you tell uncle _Huggy Bear_ about your new belt?” it was so sweet seeing Cas interact with his niece; his voice much more softer and the same breathtaking smile painting his ample lips. _Huggy Bear_ , that little shit wasn’t going to stop teasing him with it; he felt the blush deepen as if his cheeks were aflame.

“Howdy Mr. Castil, I told him! Unki D wants me to show some moves,” his niece replied excitedly, “Can we show him?” the look on Cas’s face when Mary Rose looked at him expectantly was a grenade detonating inside Dean’s heart. He held Ruth tighter and closer to his chest, and then buried his face in her abundant jet black hair; his lips hurt from the smile splitting them. The loud voices and laughter filling the air did nothing to distract him from the handsome man in front of him; not even the heavy gazes he felt drilling holes in his head.

“Okey dokey, let’s do it. Do you want to show him your front snap kick?” Cas questioned and lowered himself to the ground, waiting patiently for the answer.

“ _Yes!_ Let’s wow him sensei,” at that energetic answer Cas glanced at Dean and both burst into laughter; poor Ruth was a little surprised, but he quickly reassure her by patting her back and bouncing her in his arms.

 _My God_ , Cas thought he had seen every breathtaking sight, but how wrong he had been. Dean with a baby in his arms was… _wow_ ; he didn’t have the right words to explain it. Some things were just too perfect to describe; there was this softness exuding from Dean that wrapped around Cas’s heart like a silk scarf and made everything better. “Is this beautiful girl Marina’s Ruth?” he couldn’t help himself and walked closer to Dean, and then stretch his hand to caress adorable plump cheeks. The little girl gave him an inquisitive look and after a moment her tiny fingers curled around his index finger; his face must look ridiculous with the broad grin pulling his lips. His eyes on their own accord searched for Dean’s and what he saw there stole his breath; he had never seen himself reflected more clearly than in those forest green eyes.

“Mr. Castil, don’t forget me!” Mary Rose’s high pitched voice burst their bubble and promptly set their gazes on her. She sure knew how to pout and no one could deny her anything when she did.

“ _Never_ , how could I? Now, show your uncle how strong you are,” Cas’s voice sounded genuinely sincere, not a trace of mockery or condescending tone. They got in position and readily Mary Rose executed a very nice snap kick; he couldn’t clap but the others who saw it did. His niece’s pride was gushing out in a big smile as she looked at him.

“Whoop, whoop, my girl is _badass_ ,” he cheered and whispered the last word. The little girl giggled and effusively hugged Cas, and then Dean’s leg; running off to her parents afterwards.

As Cas was straightening, Missouri’s familiar voice greeted, “Castiel, so good to see you, thank you for coming by. Dean told me you can’t stay,” she leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek, and then with her thumb whipped off the red lipstick staining it. “You look extra handsome today, do you have plans together?” she added, flicking her eyes back at Dean. Leave it to his family to embarrass the hell outta him. Cas gave him a side glance and the amusement in his eyes coupled with the tiny quirk on his lips, made his heart tremble. He should go see a heart specialist soon.

“No, _unfortunately_ we don’t have plans for today,” as Cas said this he eyed Dean once again and Dean could have sworn that he was falling from a cliff. “My best friend’s birthday is today and we are having a small gathering. I am sorry I can’t stay, but I brought you this,” Cas handed Missouri a paper bag printed with golden polka dots and overflowing with white tissue paper. “Dean told me you are a part of a book club and also enjoy gardening. I hope my present is useful,” Cas was one smooth and charming fucker; Dean couldn’t wrench his eyes away from him, it was sorcery.

Missouri giggled, _giggled;_ she doesn’t giggle, not in all the time Dean has known her. _Sorcery_ , Cas was definitely a Warlord or something. “Thank you honey, I am sure it is lovely. But you didn’t have to…Dean you should have told him,” Missouri chided, looking at him fondly.

Dean lifted one hand in defense, “Hey, don’t blame me, I told him but he is _very_ stubborn.”

“Says the pot to the kettle,” Cas retorted, flashing a satisfied grin.

“Is this young man a friend of yours Dean?” Mr. Pascal’s voice interrupted their bickering; his wise eyes scanning Cas’s face.

“Yes, Mr. Pascal this is Cas…Castiel Novak,” he felt like a teenager introducing his crush to his parents and there were still more to do; he groaned inwardly, he could really use a beer right now.

“A pleasure to meet you Mr. Pascal,” Cas stretched his hand whilst smiling softly; the smile and gaze wasn’t even directed at him, and even so he felt his knees weaken.

“Likewise Castiel, Dean told us you teach Tae kwon do. I used to practice it when I was younger,” Mr. Pascal’s eyes crinkled even more at the corners as he recalled the pleasant memories; his voice melancholic.

“Yes, I do; my brother and I own two dojos. You are welcome to visit us and observe anytime.”

“I didn’t know that Mr. Pascal,” the old man was full of surprises.

“Keeping secrets, huh?” Missouri teased as she smiled at Mr. Pascal and he returned it in kind.

“Thank you Castiel, I would like that.”

“Dinner is almost ready, so get going with the introductions Dean. Some people here are eager to meet you Castiel; they look intimidating but don’t worry, they don’t bite,” Missouri commented before Mr. Pascal and she walked away in the direction of the kitchen, stopping to talk to friends on the way.

“Ready to meet the rest of my nosy family? Well, not all of them because some couldn’t make it,” Dean asked as Cas and he walked towards the group. Cas looked very calm and why wouldn’t he? He on the other hand was a different story; he should have gone to the bathroom before doing this.

“I can’t wait, but I already told you my family would definitely win the nosy contest,” one look from those bluer than blue eyes and it was like he had taken a sedative. Dean found it intriguing that those same eyes that fluster him could also sooth him.

“We’ll see.”

“Hey Cas, how are you man?” Sam was the first to approach and shake hands with Cas, all the while smiling widely.

“I am good, how are you Sam?”

“Good, catching my breath before another killer week.”

“Hi Cas, you look so handsome,” Jess complimented as she walked closer and kissed him on the cheek. _Dammit that wasn’t fair, it was a Cas-kissing-feast and he wasn’t invited._

“Thank you Jess, you look lovely as always.”

“Thanks,” Jess was made of steel because she didn’t lose it like Dean, Missouri, Brittany or Marina at Cas’s compliments.

Ruth started to fuss; one of her diminutive hands rubbed at one of her eyes while she sucked her thumb. Marina immediately stood up and took her daughter in her arms, smiling lovingly. “Hello Castiel, mama’s apple pie is waiting for you; visit us soon,” she uttered sincerely.

“It is great to see you again, I will drop by soon…,” he looked at Dean from the corner of his eyes; that first date had been a few days ago, yet for some reason it felt longer than that. Much has happened in that short time; he had met Dean, got to know him and irremediably fallen. “Ruth looks so much like you, both pretty ladies.” Least to say, Marina was another giggling mess and Dean completely understood.

“Because Dean apparently has lost his voice, I’ll help him out. Name is Jo Harvelle, that handsome devil’s business partner and best friend,” Jo wasn’t one for waiting around; she always took matters into her own hands. But today was different; she was a bit off and Dean didn’t like it.

Jo and Cas shook hands, and Dean didn’t miss her searching eyes; scrutinizing Cas like an insect under a microscope. “A pleasure to meet you, Jo,” Cas responded, oblivious to the examination or so Dean thought. Jo smiled but Dean could tell it was forced; _what was going on?_

“And this is my husband, Victor Hendrickson.”

Victor stood up and shook Cas’s hand, “Nice to meet you man, a martial artist right? That’s cool,” his smile was as friendly as always and Dean felt a bit relieved.

“Thank you, you are welcome to drop by anytime.”

“I’ll like to, Sam hasn’t stopped raving about it. Let’s see when I get some time off from the hospital; I’m a pediatrician and right now we are swamped” everyone was clearly enjoying the moment, except the person who had been most excited about meeting Cas. Dean’s skin buzzed uncomfortably and he felt spine-like tendrils coil around his heart painfully.

“Well, the invitation doesn’t have an expiration date. Just tell Dean or Sam when you want to visit and I will show you around,” Cas’s voice and his demeanor were as sincere and calm as always. Dean’s heart beat faster every time Cas exchanged words with his family; this time it _felt_ right. He should have listened to his gut feeling back then.

“Will do, thanks.”

“And thank you Sam for the free publicity,” Cas teased jokingly, looking at Sam and giving him an amused smile. Sam laughter bounced on the walls and Cas’s smile widened; Dean couldn’t help but let his lips stretch as much as they wanted. To see his brother so happy and accepting of Cas, made his heart burst; the intense feeling slowly pulverizing the ropes of anxiety wrapping around his heart.

“Anytime sensei,” Sam’s tone was playful, but Dean could see it in his eyes; the respect his brother had for Cas. At that, Cas shook his head whilst biting down a smile; then he glanced at Dean and set them free, making his knees weak and his heart dash to his throat. He had to hastily put his hands inside his pockets; lest he would reach for the blue-eyed angel and kiss all the oxygen out of him.

“You folks are havin’ fun and we were forgotten, _rude_. Rufus Turner, nice to meet ya,” _oh crap, I totally forgot about ‘em, you see?!_ Cas without failure always managed to make his mind go blank, just by being in the same room; that’s some scary stuff right there.

“Castiel Novak, a pleasure to meet you Mr. Turner. I am sorry for my lack of manners,” Cas answered as he shook Rufus’s hand. Surprised looks were exchanged between Jo, Victor, Bobby and Rufus, most probably because of Cas’s formal talk; the rest of them were used to it already. A smile tugged his lips and he had to look away; Cas was freakin’ adorable.

Rufus waved his hand, “First, don’t call me Mr. Turner, I’m still young,” Bobby, standing next to him snorted, but Rufus ignored him. “And none of that fancy talk, we’re simple folk here,” he concluded and then gulped down some beer. Cas nodded and as if planned, they looked at each other at the same time; Dean’s face was sure to be full of wrinkles soon enough if he didn’t stop smiling so much.

“Now that I get a better look at you, I think I’ve seen you before at the supermarket.”

“Most probably; I have been going to Sunny’s Market for a while now, it has the largest variety of organic products in the area,” at those words Rufus preened and a gummy smile bloomed on his lips; he looked at Dean and nodded his head approvingly.

“I like this guy Dean,” for a moment his heart ceased and all he could think was, _please Rufus shut up, don’t say anything else_. His hands went from dry to clammy in less than a second; he shuffled his feet awkwardly on the charcoal carpet. Dean didn’t have the courage to look at Cas or anyone for that matter, but he could feel Cas’s eyes on him, questioning.

“Don’t pay no mind to Rufus’s babbling; name’s Bobby Singer and please don’t call me Mr. Singer, that was my daddy,” Rufus huffed at Bobby’s jab and a few chuckles ensued; it was a nice way to cut the tension strangling him. He hoped no one else said anything too revealing; their relationship was no one else’s business.

“Nice to meet you Bobby, Dean tells me you own a body shop,” Cas’s focus was entirely on Bobby, but he didn’t blink at the intensity of Cas’s gaze. Dean really liked how Cas gave his total attention to the person he was talking to.

Bobby’s hands reached to fix his worn out brown cap and then nodded, “Sure do, the best in town; feel free to drop by when you’ve car troubles. Dean sometimes lends a hand and gets dirty; he could be a mechanic if he wanted.”

Now, _that_ was something Cas wanted to see; Dean sweaty, his clothes and hands stained with dark grease and bent under the hood of a car. He had to fight a shiver threatening to rock his body; the mental images those words projected were less than appropriate. Thank God for his poker face; though probably not everyone fell for it. Jo apparently didn’t approve of him; her heavy gaze made his skin prickle.

“I most definitely will, thank you,” he replied, glad his voice didn’t reflect his state of mind.

“He has a _Prius_ Bobby,” Dean’s teasing tone and crinkled eyes were just what he needed to feel at ease again; that freckled face was magical. He groaned at Dean’s words and turned to look into brilliant green eyes; blue eyes narrowed playfully, bringing to the surface a low chuckle from Dean’s chest. Cas heard some whispering and quiet laughter, but they weren’t as fascinating as the happy lines etched on Dean’s face or the heart stopping smile violently making the corners of his mouth turn up. At that moment, he felt himself fall a bit more for Dean; he feared the day when he will abruptly plummet.

“Oh, you’re one of those Eco-friendly, health nuts; no wonder you get along with this idjit,” Bobby lamented as he pointed at Sam while shaking his head; the twinkle in his eyes taking the edge off the insult. Another round of chuckles filled the space, but not from everyone; Dean didn’t want to ruin this moment with needless worry. Even so, it was hard to push it aside when the cause of it sat close to him.

Sam ran his fingers through his hair and then wrapped his arms around Jess; she leaned against him and hugged her daughter in turn. “Don’t listen to them Cas, they can be jerks; we are doing our part to help Mother Earth,” Sam stuck his tongue at his brother and Dean made a silly face back at him. Cas’s heart couldn’t take so much cuteness at one; he had to stay his hands in his pockets, the need to pull Dean close to him was overwhelming.

Cas laughed and Dean wanted to record that sound, because he _needed_ to hear it every second. He didn’t know before that hearts were able to flip, jump, explode and still function. The dark-haired man next to him was causing things in him he didn’t think possible. “Dean has been making fun of my car since the beginning; I should feel---,” Cas was mid-sentence when Jo interrupted him and everyone’s eyes flit to look at her. _Dread_ , its shadow was quickly clawing at his skin; the temperature had dropped to an almost freezing point, making it painful to breath.

“Castiel, so you the youngest son of the distinguished Novak family; originally from Boston and residing in Austin for more than two decades, yes?” _oh no, stop, Jo stop!_ His mind was screaming the words, but his mouth was sewn shut with what felt like hot wire.

“Yes,” was Cas’s brief answer; his face unchanging, but Dean didn’t miss the subtle clench of his jaw.

“Aren’t you the heir?” she immediately continued while sitting on her husband’s lap; lean arms crossed over her chest and her countenance implacable. _What the fuck are you doing?_ His heart knocked against his ribs with so much force he thought they were going to shatter.

“I---,”

“Are you and ---,” this time it was Jo who was interrupted by Cas’s cell phone ringing; a wave of relief washed over him, Jo had a lot of explaining to do. He stared at her pointedly and mouthed, “ ** _Stop it_**!”

“I am so sorry, please excuse me,” Cas gave an apologetic smile and walked a few steps away to answer the call. He was glad he had changed Gabe’s ‘Worth It’ ring tone before coming over; it would have been embarrassing otherwise.

Intrigued eyes looked at Jo like she had lost her mind and maybe she did, _because seriously?_ The way she had drilled Cas was absurd. His tongue felt like a tangled string; it impossible to move and make sense of words. He fought against the shock that had render him mute and took a deep breath; now wasn’t the time to let his fear rule him.

“What?”

“Oh no, don’t ‘what’ me, _what’s wrong with you_?” he tried to keep his voice as calm and quiet as possible; after all they weren’t the only guests and there were children present. The tingling feeling spreading throughout his body felt like someone was plucking the hairs off his skin. But before Jo could answer, Cas came back.

“It was my brother Gabe; regrettably I have to leave, but it was a pleasure to meet all of you. And Jo,” he turned to face her, not a trace of anger in his voice or visage, “I am not the heir of the Novak family, though my mother would disagree with me,” Cas smiled mirthlessly and then turned to look back at him. Dean wished the terrible feeling gnawing him would stop, but instead it was becoming more vicious with each breath. Cas said his goodbyes to everyone and then, they walked together outside. The gentle night breeze felt harsh against his exposed arms, neck and face; every step closer to Cas’s car, a rope weaving tightly around his heart. Not even the strikingly beautiful midnight blue sky, littered with stars was enough to distract him from the darkness creeping inside his head.

“Dean, is something wrong?” Cas’s low raspy voice pulled him out of the spiral dragging him down and he took a deep breath to get back his bearing. His blunt nails imprinted half-moons on the sweaty skin of his palms, inside his pockets and his feet shuffled lazily in a clumsy dance on the cement.

“Sorry ‘bout Jo, I…she isn’t usually like that,” he wanted to know what the fuck was going on with her; it was all he could think about.

“Don’t worry about it; she is protective of you, my brother would have done the same or worse. Now, let’s talk about something more pleasant. For example, when are you letting me make you those apple pie pancakes with vanilla maple syrup I promised you? I will bring all the ingredients I need to make them,” Cas proposed and then smiled Dean’s favorite smile; he adored it, because it made everything less dark and more hopeful. He wasn’t master of his body anymore; his smiles were connected to Cas’s lips, every time they smile Dean’s did too. That’s why, when his hand reach for Cas’s cheek and his thumb caressed it, his brain had to dash to catch up on why he did it.

“You, um…you… had, uh some… lipstick left,” he stammered, swallowing hard; he could hear and feel the blood rushing in his ears. When he tried to take his hand away, Cas’s hand covered his and it sizzled; the heat spread like a tempestuous fire devouring every inch of skin. His throat turned into an arid wasteland and his eyes widened; he felt how Cas leaned into the touch, looking at him as if he was someone enthralling. Those blue eyes made fathomless by the night, pierced through every armored layer until it reached his soul; never has he ever felt as exposed as when Cas _looked_ at him.  

“Thank you,” his voice was a barely there murmur swallowed by the night; resisting the feelings reigning in his heart was increasingly impossible, _what will become of me?_ Reluctantly he gave Dean’s hand it freedom, but he was still imprisoned inside a green forest.

After a few seconds, Dean felt he had a smidgen of command of his voice and uttered, “How does Wednesday morning, after 7 sounds? We’re a bit busy at the clinic until then.”

Cas nodded, “It is a date then; prepare your taste buds for an unparalleled mouthwatering flavor,” the delight in his voice was transparent and Dean was already missing him; he was thoroughly screwed from every angle.

“I’ll hold you to that, you better deliver Novak,” he was surprised his voice was steady, at least one part of him was.

Cas’s cell rang again and he gave Dean an apologetic look, but didn’t answer the call. “Gabe is driving me crazy…see you on Wednesday, take care Dean,” Cas languidly walked to the driver’s side and Dean’s eyes instinctively followed every move without blinking. _Wednesday was ages away._

“Have fun, drive safely,” Dean spoke quietly; he only knew Cas had heard him because he had nodded and smiled before getting in the car. They waved at each other one last time before Cas drove away.

Now came the part that was making his mouth taste like ash; he forced himself to walked back inside the lively house and ask for an explanation. Situations like this made him crave alcohol; he was too sober for whatever shit Jo was going to throw at him. Thank goodness dinner hadn’t started yet; he didn’t think he would be able to stomach anything if he didn’t speak with Jo first. Quick steps took him back to the group; said group waited in somber silence, which made his body feel as if he was rolling over barren thorns. Jess whispered something to Mary Rose and smiled; his niece immediately jumped off her lap and walked happily towards the kitchen.

“Okay Jo, spill it,” he didn’t feel like beating around the bushes; his arms automatically folded over his chest as his feet bounced on the carpet. Now all eyes were on her and Dean could see the wheels turning.

“Did he tell you he is _engaged_ to Anna Milton? She is the heiress to the Milton family,” her voice while steady contradicted her doleful expression. Dean didn’t know where he was standing anymore or if he was even standing, because at the words his brain shut down; _so that’s how it is, it was too good to be true_. A crude rope snare around his neck; he couldn’t breathe. He was bleeding from deadly invisible wounds; his cries drowned by the voices bringing him back to a reality he abhorred.

“Jo, where did you get this _information_ from?” Sam’s tight voice questioned; the tension stretched almost to the point of snapping.

Jo gulped and bit her lip as her hands squeeze Victor’s on her belly. Her flitting eyes evaded everyone’s as if she was a criminal facing trial. “Magazines…,” she whispered.

A few snorts and scoffs ensued at the answer, but Dean’s ears couldn’t hear anything; he was abruptly thrown into chaos again. All he wanted was to run home, crawl into bed and forget about _everything_. Sam’s sighed, a long and loud sound that carried of his feelings. “What _magazines_ Jo? People, The Austin Chronicle or The Austin Way Magazine? And please don’t tell me it’s one of those _gossip_ magazines.”

After a pause that felt like a century, Jo mumbled, “Uh, no…um on the internet,” her cheeks instantly flushed a furious scarlet at the confession.

“Jo, c’mon you idjit; gossip magazines can’t be trusted,” Bobby’s gruff voice sounded too loud in the sudden quiet house; Dean should feel relieved, but he wasn’t.

“Doll, you’re the first one to slam those magazines. What’s going on in that smart brain?” Victor affectionately chided, locking eyes with his wife. She looked at Dean, shamefaced; a thousand apologies swimming in her eyes. He didn’t know what to say, _no_ \- that wasn’t it; he _couldn’t_ form a syllable even if he wanted. The humming underneath his skin made him want to scratch at it until he was only bones; _home_ , he needed to go.

“I’m sorry Dean; I…I just, I want you to be happy. I wasn’t… thinking and my worry got the best of me. Cas seems like a good man and the way he looks at you; I can tell he is more than interested,” Jo words couldn’t reach him, even though he wanted them to; he needed them like a drowning person needs a life jacket.

“You can’t go accusing people based on groundless gossip Jo; you need to apologize to Cas the next time you see him,” Jess voiced softly, but the truth in her words strike effectively like a sharpened blade. Jo didn’t respond, only looked at him pleadingly; yet, Dean couldn’t give her what she wanted. His thoughts were intricately knitted together and didn’t allow him to be the comforting older brother. Sam’s eyes felt like sandbags on him; he needed some space.

“I’ll be back, need to use the little boys’ room,” his feet speedup unexpectedly and he feared a face-plant, but at last he was alone. His wearied body leaned against the white door; his head tilted back as his eyes fluttered closed and then he exhaled. _Cas, please, please don’t be a liar_. All of a sudden, _Wednesday wasn’t far enough_.

*********************************

“Look who’s _finally_ here gang, our very own lover boy!” Gabe exclaimed, getting off his chair and doing an exaggerated bow.

“I am very sorry Balt,” Cas murmured, giving him a contrite look. He walked over to Kali and gave her a kiss on the cheek, and then walked to Balthazar who was standing up and waited for him with open arms. “Happy birthday,” he whispered whilst hugging his best friend tightly.

“Ignore the _midget_ and don’t worry my dear; how’s Dean?” At the nickname Gabe growl in indignation and then made a face. Cas greeted the rest of his family and then sat down. The restaurant was bustling with people; the music could barely be heard over the noisy conversations. The savory smell of spices, lobster and BBQ ribs made his mouth water. It wasn’t a fancy place and he was glad; he needed to kick back and relax. Talking about his mother, even if briefly always was an energy drainer. The dim lights were exactly what he needed to calm his nerves; knowing he was going to see Dean on Wednesday made his heart jump in small bursts. Holding Dean’s hand, even for a few seconds had been glorious; he had gone to Paradise without dying.

“C’mon Cas, answer the question; we waited patiently for you so you owe us,” insisted Jacob, who was sitting next to Balt, playing with his dark blond hair.

“You guys need to find a better hobby…I left your gift in the car, I will go---,” Gabe grabbed his forearm and forced him to sit back down; his eyebrow raised and accompanying the ever present knowing look on his face.

“Not escaping teddy bear,” his brother sing songed in an irritating voice and then let go of him. Kali leaned forward to look at him sitting next to Gabe; the fuchsia sleeveless dress she wore accentuated her dark skin and the devilish smile on her lips made his skin to crawl. It was like she knew things no one else did and it was disconcerting. He reached for his tie and fussed with it for a bit; Cas didn’t know why he felt on edge all of a sudden. Six pairs of curious eyes settled upon him; the weight difficult to handle. An extreme thirst attacked his throat and he hurriedly grabbed the tall glass in front of him; _what was going on?_ His body was acting strange and his heart was out of the blue plagued by a dismal feeling. As the water bathed his parched throat, he closed his eyes; he needed to calm down and clear his head of the murkiness seeping in.

“Earth to Castiel, please respond,” Gabe teased, poking his cheek.

“Leave him alone Gabe,” Samandriel scolded in his typical soft voice.

“Castiel, are you okay?” Tim’s worried voice made him open his eyes; he took a deep breath and licked his lips. Concern eyes exchanged quick glances and then looked back at him.

“Yes, sorry… I am fine. Dean is better and I met some more family members at the dinner party. All very nice people,” his voice sounded better than he felt, though he was feeling much more serene now. _I hope Dean is fine. Jo had been a bit hostile at the end…no, he had felt her eyes on him all along; taking him apart as if trying to read his mind._ It was a tad unnerving.

“That’s ace Cassie, so when is our turn to officially meet that cracking chap of yours?” Balthazar’s enthusiastic voice helped shoo away the weird feeling that had taken a hold of him. But before he could answer, the waiter came to take their order. He was grateful for the reprieve, however short it was; it helped him dissipate the sea-mist fogging his mind. Cas pushed down the urge to call Dean; he was probably enjoying the company of his family and the appetizing food. He was being unreasonable. After the waiter left, all eyes were back on him.

“I demand to meet my potential brother-in-law; when and where?” Gabe’s voice was muffled by the bread he was stuffing in his mouth; crumbs falling on his lime-colored, long sleeved shirt with each bite. Cas locked eyes with Kali and she shrugged, glancing at Gabe affectionately.

“Gabe, I already told you that---,” the ringtone he had set up for unknown calls cut him off mid-sentence and a heavy sigh rushed out of his chest. He reached inside his pocket and hanged up the call.

“I can trace the calls for you Castiel, if you want,” Tim offered, looking at him with apparent concern.

Balthazar’s arm wrapped around Tim’s shoulder and he pressed a kiss on his temple, “That’s a great idea, it will finally solve the mystery,” though Balt said this in a mellow voice, something unreadable was etched on his face as well as on the others; it screamed trouble. Once again he picked up the glass and gulped down the cool liquid before he spoke again.

Cas leaned forward and his eyes swept around the table; his hands laid on the table, clinging to one another as if searching for comfort. The tightness hardening his shoulders was enough to ache; he hated being kept in the dark. “What is it? Gabe and you have been acting strange since I started getting these calls. _Why?_ ”

Everybody awkwardly moved on their seats; some avoided eye contact while others fidget with the tableware. To say the air suddenly felt heavy was a colossal understatement; he felt as if he was inhaling smoke and was suffocating. “It can be that bastard Sebastian, Cassie, who else? Prank calls die down after a few tries, if they don’t get a kick out of it. And you told me you’re getting more calls,” his brother’s grave expression didn’t leave room for doubt, _oh_ _shit_. Cas’s hands clenched into fists and his heartbeat went from normal to dangerous; _no, that’s…_

He shook his head and leaned back against the chair; his feet bounced on the floor and Dean’s face came to mind. _Dean_ , he wished he was there; smiling and looking at him with those vibrant green eyes that radiated so much peace. “ ** _No_** , why would he call? Sebastian left, why would he do that? No… that’s doesn’t make sense.”

Cas missed the concerned looks everyone exchanged; his mind had become a mayhem rendering him incapable of thinking. “Castiel,” Tim’s deep voice and the weight of his dark olive hand covering his fists shook him out of his trance. “A mutual friend of Sebastian, Jacob and I, told us yesterday that he is here in Dallas. They met and Sebastian told him he got a job transfer,” those words were spikes violently aimed towards his heart; bile rose up his throat, burning his insides like acid.

His head snapped back up and he spoke quietly through clenched teeth, “I don’t care why he is here; if it is him calling me, I need you guys to tell him to _stop_. Please, do this for me.”

Tim nodded and squeezed his hand; the promise glimmering in those dark eyes a balm to his flamed nerves. He couldn’t even bring himself to muster a slight smile and the hunger he had felt a few minutes ago had vanished. Cas wanted to go home and cuddle with his little tyrants; he desperately needed to dream of sonorous rough laughter, bewitching green gems and plump crimson lips. The past had no place in his new, mostly happy life; he won’t allow it to tarnish all the good in it, _especially Dean._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please let me know how you liked it.
> 
> Thank so much for your support :)


	20. ~A Visit to Moondoor & Apple Pie Pancakes~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jo’s words were still drilling holes in his brain; he didn’t know how he was going to face Cas tomorrow. He wasn’t ready for that and anyway, it wasn’t his business who Cas dated or if he was engaged. Yeah, right buddy, keep telling yourself that. You can’t stand the idea of someone else having Cas; touching him, kissing him, making him moan and laugh. The voice in his mind was very persistent and annoying; when had his own voice become so honest?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy guys, 
> 
> We are so close to were we and them want to be. A chapter or two ;) For now, enjoy this chapter. Getting to know each other is one of the most fun parts of falling in love. 
> 
> Happy reading!

****

Jo’s words were still drilling holes in his brain; he didn’t know how he was going to face Cas tomorrow. He wasn’t ready for that and anyway, it wasn’t his business who Cas dated or if he was engaged. _Yeah, right buddy, keep telling yourself that. You can’t stand the idea of someone else having Cas; touching him, kissing him, making him moan and laugh._ The voice in his mind was very persistent and annoying; _when had his own voice become so honest?_ His hands gripped Baby’s steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white; not even the clear bright sky, the warm breeze flowing in through the open windows or the smell of fresh brewed coffee, was enough to disperse the torturing thoughts swarming his mind like locus.

Jo hadn’t stopped apologizing, Sam kept reminding him those were gossips and Cas, he had been texting Dean like usual; asking how was the dinner, what he did on Sunday, and in turn telling him about the dinner with Balthazar and his family, and about Tippens and Mrs. Agatha’s adventures. Cas even sent him this stupidly hilarious cat video that made him giggle despite himself. He wasn’t mad at Cas; he didn’t have a reason, they had been flirting but nothing else. _Nothing else_ , that was the problem; Dean wanted so much more and now, knowing he might be engaged and possibly lied to him, it made his stomach churn. He was probably being an asshole not replaying to most of Cas’s texts, yet, he couldn’t help it. Dean knew running away and ignoring things wouldn’t solve anything, but it was a habit engrained too deeply.

Dean realized he hadn’t turned on the radio when he parked in front of Charlie and Ash’s Software Development and Computer Repair Shop (aka ‘Moondoor’), and went to turn it off. A heavy sigh dragged the air out of his lungs and his fingers ran through his spiky locks in a frustrated effort to crush any thoughts about Cas. His eyes fluttered closed for a few seconds and then opened to settle on the coffee tray; he didn’t have time to be dramatic right now, his lunch hour would be over soon. Dean got out of the car and held the tray in one hand whilst locking Baby, and then walked towards the brick building. He hoped talking to Charlie would calm his nerves. As he got closer to the shop, he noticed through the glass door that it was almost empty; except for a few guys from the construction crew, the new kid Charlie hired, Kevin, and a couple of customers. He cleared his throat, took a deep breath, and brought his shoulders back, and then reached for the door handle. The place was a bit disorganized but not dirty; he was surprised it wasn’t dusty. It was well lighted and it smelled like paint, wood and cherry pie; probably from a candle. The noise level wasn’t bad, except for the nail gun’s sharp sound.

Dean hadn’t even walked a couple of steps inside when Charlie saw him; her red hair shone brightly against the sun rays peeking through the two large pane windows behind her. As her eyes settled on him, she beamed that toothy smile that made her look like a child, and his lips followed suit. His heart was suddenly engulfed by affection and hope; he had missed her so much. She immediately jumped off the black leather office chair and his feet quickly took him to her.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit, impudent handmaiden?” she teased whilst draping her arms somewhat tightly around him, though mindful of his ribs. It had been almost seven months and they had healed; yet he still winced unconsciously when people hugged him. Cecilia had told him, that the mental trauma he suffered was the cause this reaction. An amused laughter rumble in his chest at the question; their eyes locked when she let go off him and instantly scanned his face. So much unabashed fondness glimmered in those pretty eyes.

“Phone calls aren’t the same as having you here, in front of me, and within arm’s reach,” she confessed and then plucked one of the coffee cups from the tray.

“I know.”

“Thanks for the caffeine, it was like you heard my prayers,” she added whilst taking the tray from his hand and setting it on the metal desk. Dean’s lips quirked and then his eyes swept around the place once again; the sand colored walls and white trim, coupled with the bamboo floor gave the place a beachy feeling. The expansion seemed to be almost done and he was sure Gilda would make sure it looked high class; she being an artist and interior designer.

“The place’s looking nice; bet you guy will get more business,” the proud look on her face warmed his heart; she had worked so hard to get where she was and he couldn’t be happier for her.

“Thanks dude! I hope we do, though Gilda would kill me if I get any busier. Working every Sunday sucks,” she pouted and then took another sip of coffee.

“How ‘bout Kevin, can’t he work some Sundays?” his eyes searched the place until they landed on the wisp of a guy at one of the desks; his eyes were intensely focused on the computer screen and his hands moved faster than he had ever seen on the keyboard.

Charlie turned her head to follow his eyes, “He does, but he’s still new; lots to learn before I can leave him on his own.”

“Hmm…so, where’s Gilda? He moved closer to the desk and half sat on it, and then plucked one of the coffee cups from the nearby tray.

“At the studio, finishing the last piece for the exhibition,” hearing Charlie talk about Gilda was heartwarming; every success of her wife’s was as if her own.

“Wow, that’s awesome; bet Caramel will beg Sammy to buy her one of the fairy paintings,” even _he_ liked those paintings; they were so beautiful and realistic.

Charlie laughed as she walked behind the desk and opened one of the drawers, “Moose better bring the check book then, ‘cause no one can deny that little princess, least of all him.”

He nodded and his eyes crinkled; nobody was immune to those big hazel eyes and pout. _Not even Cas_ , a quiet voice whispered. _Dammit_ , he didn’t want to think about Cas right now; at the thought of him his emotions became a tempest. He tipped the cup and gulped down the lukewarm coffee making him grimace.

“Here, this is for you. I was going to drop it off at your house after work,” Charlie’s cheerful voice announced as she stretched her hand towards him, holding a golden envelope.

Dean gave her an inquisitively look; his eyes furrowing with the unspoken question, but Charlie didn’t speak. He took the envelope and opened it; it was the invitation for the exhibition. Fine calligraphy in black ink requesting his presence at Gilda Bradbury’s first art exhibition on Saturday, August 15 at 8:00 PM; it surprised him a little, the formality and fanciness but then again it was an important event. Gilda’s sponsor, Ardiccioni Galleria d’arte was a big deal and they wouldn’t have it any other way. Will have to rent a tux or will a suit do? _Ugh, I don’t like either._ He was still wallowing in his complaints when Charlie’s voice interrupted him.

“You can bring a date if you want,” the look on her face matched the peppiness crocheting her voice, it was a trap.

Dean narrowed his eyes at her and the angelic look she was trying to pull only made him more suspicious.

“What? You know who I’m talking about. A certain, very attractive, dark-haired and blue-eyed man; owner of an impressive chiseled jaw and scruff that gives him an air of mystery, that’s who,” she sing songed in a matter-of-fact voice that told him she knew more than she should, taking into consideration she hasn’t met Cas yet.

His eyebrows furrowed; did she look him up? “How…how do you know?”  

“Oh my clueless handmaiden, in this family there’re no secrets. Even if I have been drowned in work, I never miss anything. Informants everywhere,” the satisfaction in her voice was obvious; her eyes glinted with something he couldn’t define.

Days ago, he would have been more than willing to talk about Cas like a teenager at a slumber party with his best friend, but after Saturday’s bucket of cold, possible reality that’s the least he wanted to do now. His eyes wandered around the place as his right foot tapped off beat on the floor. Thank goodness he was holding the cup, because he wouldn’t know what to do with his hands. He licked his lips; the bitter taste caused him to slightly shiver.

 “No privacy, huh? You lot are awful,” he mumbled; these past few days have been unbearable. A blistering iron net ensnared his heart and it unearthed revolting feelings he despised. The thought of Cas being touched by someone other than him; Cas laughing with and smiling at someone else, touching and kissing anyone, drove Dean crazy. It was agonizing, ugly and dirty; this feeling was poison and darkness, he didn’t have the right to feel like that. He didn’t like how monstrous it made him feel; how much he wanted to claim and yell that Cas was his. _Disgusting_ , he was garbage that should burn; he wasn’t Andrew or maybe he was… _No, no, I’m not I---_

“Hey Dean, don’t leave me talking to myself,” Charlie chided lightheartedly. She walked to the trash can and threw away the empty cup, and then sat next to him. His best friend leaned against him and glanced at him with a small sweet smile on her lips; he didn’t miss the concern in her eyes.

“Sorry,” he sighed and drank the last of his coffee, but kept the cup in his hands.

“No worries… so as I was saying, bring Cas. I want to meet my future brother-in-law,” her words were playful, but didn’t lack seriousness; it made his heart flutter.

He brought one of his hands up to scratch his nape, at the same time, his teeth nipped at his lips; he was being stupid. “I have to, uh, ask him if he doesn’t have any plans for Saturday night.”

Charlie rolled her big bright eyes and scooted back a bit to look at him properly. The pointed stare she gave him, made him move uncomfortably in his improvised seat. His fingers curled around the cup even tighter and teeth bit the inside of his cheek. “I’m sure that if you ask him to go with you to hell, he would, no questions asked. If the way he looks at you is any indication of his feelings for you, he’s whipped.”

Dean’s mouth had decided to imitate a fish out of water. This time it was he who turned to look at her, “How do you know how he looks at me?”

Her lips stretched in a devilishly smile, _uh-oh_ ; he knew that smirk and it spelled trouble. “Pictures and a video, welcome to the age of technology, my dear,” she announced in triumph as she danced her cell in front of him. “No wonder you’re completely besotted with him.”

Dean’s brain couldn’t decide which questions to ask; he was too perplexed to form any intelligent thoughts. “Who?” _Wow buddy,_ _You’re so eloquent._

“Jo.”

Charlie must have seen the clear as day confusion on his face, because she quickly added. “She sent them to me on Sunday, took them at Missouri’s party.”

“But…when? She wasn’t very polite or nice to Cas, why would she do that?” he couldn’t deny he was hurt and a tiny bit mad at Jo. He knew she only did it because she cares about him, but at the same time he hated having those words stabbing him every time he thought of Cas. _How was he going to face him tomorrow?_

Charlie put her phone down on the desk and looked at him sympathetically; her right hand lay on his shoulder and her thumb rubbed at it slowly. “She fucked up; she was crying when she told me and even though I understand why she did it, I told her how irresponsible it was. She regrets it so much and she thinks you hate her.”

He shook his head, looking at Charlie straight on, “I don’t, I could never but,” he sighed, bringing his fingers to rub at his weary eyes; sleep had been hard to come by, scurry bastard. “I can’t forget those words Char; I even went online and read a whole bunch of that gossip crap. If…uh, gossips always come from somewhere; _what if it’s true? If Cas lied to me_ …he told me he didn’t have a boyfriend or anyone but---,”

“Shhh, I’m very good at reading people Dean and the little I saw in the video told me that Cas is no liar. I mean, everyone has a past; no one goes through life and comes out unscathed. We’re adults and as we grow we make mistakes. But, I don’t think he is the kind of person to lie and if he was indeed engaged; why would he be here and not in Austin closer to his fiancé? Think about it, the Novak’s’ and Milton’s’ are very influential; if there was indeed an engagement, all the respectable magazines would have done a cover story on it already,” the certainty in her words coupled with her flinty eyes locked with his, was like a fluffy blanket wrapping around his heart. Even though, he still felt his heart sizzling against the iron net engulfing it.

“Yeah, that’s makes sense, but… _ugh_ ,” his hands flew up to cover his heated face; here he was raw and exposed, talking about things that only concerned him. _Because you are weak, poor butterfly, so delicate and pathetic_ , John’s voice singed songed with mockery; Dean could clearly see his face etched with scorn. He shook his head as his eyes shut close, and his teeth bit down on his lip to the point of aching. The comforting hand on his shoulder squeezed at it softly and he felt a soft kiss on his temple; an alluvium of self-hate drowned him completely. He wished he could strip himself of everything he detested about himself.

“Do you want me to do a background check on him? It would only take me a few minutes to get everything you want to know; we could do it now. Just say the word Dean; if doing it is going to erase that hurt expression off your face, I’m in,” the determination in her voice and eyes made him consider it for a flitting second.

“No… _I can’t do that to Cas_ , Char. You should have seen how he took care of me when I…,” the images of that day Cas showed up at his house overran his mind; he had cooked for him, sang and stayed with him until he was feeling better. _I won’t betray him that way._

She smiled affectionately and his heart dissolved into a puddle, “Then ask him; you’ll see his reaction and know if he is lying or not.”

Dean shook his head again as he sucked his bottom lip, and his hands rubbed his thighs, “I don’t have the right to demand an explanation Char. He isn’t my boyfriend.”

Charlie reached for his chin and tilted his head up before speaking, “It isn’t about having a right Dean, it’s just a question. You’re afraid because even though you aren’t dating, you have already fallen so deep for him, that he lying to you would break you.”

His eyes widened and his heart hammered viciously behind his ribcage at those words; his hands became clammy and his breathing labored. He hadn’t yet admitted that to himself and here was his best friend, describing word by word his precise feelings. _Was he that obvious? Could Cas know it? Oh God, I have become pitiful._

“Uh-uh, stop that Dean; I know that look and I don’t like it. We need to work on replacing the voices inside your head with mine and everyone else who _loves_ you,” she patted his cheek and smiled softly; he couldn’t help but lean into the touch.

“Excuse me, can you help me?” An unfamiliar thickly voice questioned, interrupting the conversation. When they looked up, a tall and slender middle-age man wearing a charcoal suit that had seen better days stood in front of them; his face was stern, but it contrasted with the kind smile on his lips.

“Of course sir,” replied Charlie enthusiastically as she straightened. 

Dean glimpsed at the golden squared clock hanging on the nearby wall, _shit_ ; he had exactly ten minutes to get back to the clinic. He quickly stood up and enveloped his best friend in his arms, before she let go of him, she murmured in his ear, “Don’t be afraid and ask him; be the brave man you are Winchester. See you Saturday.”

He nodded and then briskly walked out the door, and to his Baby. When he was about to get in, he noticed the black pick-up truck parked a few parking spaces away. Dean thought he heard the click of a camera and his head snapped towards the sound. As soon as he did, the person immediately closed the tinted window, but he caught a glimpse of the man’s face and his heart ceased to beat. His knees buckled and his mouth became a sand dune, and then he gulped. Dean’s hand instinctively reached for his gun, but before he could do anything, the pick-up truck speed out of the parking lot. He leaned against the Impala as shallow breaths heaved his chest and a desperate prayer overtook his every thought.

“Oh Jesus, don’t let it be. I’m sure that was…,” Dean mumbled to himself breathlessly as he got into his car and clutched the steering wheel like it was his anchor to reality. _Pictures… Why was that asshole taking picture of me?_

***********************************

“Hi Tim,” Cas’s was crouching in front of the glass display case as he put away some new merchandise that was delivered today. Only the room that served as the store was illuminated; silence reigned and he liked it, more often than not, solitude gave him the calm he couldn’t find anywhere else.

“Hey there, dear twin,” came Tim’s playful response; he always joked that instead of Jacob, Cas was his real twin because they were so alike. The smile tugging at his lips was impossible to contain; it was nice having someone who shared so many of the same opinions and interests. Also, there was enough crazy in his family with Gabe, Balt and Kali; Tim helped balanced it out together with Alfie.

“Am I interrupting something or can we talk? It won’t take long, I promise,” he added; his voice controlled but edged with urgency, _not good_.

“No, I was just organizing some merchandise. Is it about Sebastian?” Cas set down the metal Sai set he had in his hand, closed the display case and then stood up. He rolled his shoulders as he walked to the office; once inside he opened the mini fridge and grabbed a bottle of water.

A few seconds of silence was enough to unsettle his heart, but before he could speak, Tim did so first.  “Jacob and I met with Sebastian about an hour ago; he…looks very different. Well, not that you care anyway; the important thing is that we confirmed it was him calling you,” another pause and Cas stomach roiled; _What now?_

“He wants to talk to you, um and…,”

“ _And what, Tim_?” he knew he sounded aggressive, but at the words his blood boiled in his veins like soup in a pot at high temperature. His fingers tightened around the cell and the bottle; he wished his ears were stuffed with cotton so he didn’t have to hear the next words.

“He told us he wants to see you, that he _needs_ to explain---,”

“ **No** ,” he spit out through clenched teeth; the water he had just drunk tasted bitter in his mouth.

“Castiel, maybe _it is_ a good idea, that way you can say what you couldn’t before. You can finally leave all that mess behind and move on,” Tim’s voice was as serene and soothing as usual, but he couldn’t hear the words; he didn’t want to. _Why should he grant Sebastian what he wants? Why did he come back now?_ Especially now, when he had found someone who makes him see everything clearer and make him feel as if he was experiencing every emotion for the first time.

A sigh escaped his mouth and his eyes closed shut; his head tilted slowly heavenward, “ ** _no_** , I can’t…I don’t want to dig up the past. I am content now, Tim; I don’t want to ruin what I have with Dean. Before Dean, I _functioned_ ; I smiled, laughed, and even joked, but I wasn’t truly---,”

“ _Alive_ ,”

“Yes…and now, I feel hopeful and looking forward to the future. I don’t want to let my past come into my home and drag its muddy feet all over my pristine floors,” as he said these words, it dawned on him that he couldn’t stop his past from barging into his life; yet he fervently prayed that his relationship with Dean would be spared.

“I understand, but,” Tim sighed, “you _know_ he won’t give up.”

“I know,” Cas hurriedly walked back to the small store and flicked off the light, and then looked around the pitch dark dojo. His chest constricted and he felt as if a hangman’s noose had tightened around his neck. No use asking whys; he couldn’t let Sebastian steal his peace again. He was going to see Dean tomorrow and prepare him a mouthwatering breakfast; he just needed to focus on that, on what was important for him.

“Well then, take care Castiel and you know I’m here when you need to talk.”

Cas lips quirked, “Thank you Tim, for this and everything you and Jacob have done for me.”

“Oh please, stop; we are family for better or for worse,” he instantly replied and Cas was glad for it.

*****************************

The delicate sound of the doorbell, prompted him to stand up abruptly from his seat at the dining table. And the car magazine he was glancing at fell to the floor when his hand clumsily swept it off the table. Dean took a deep breath and shut his eyes for a few seconds; the light painting the kitchen a golden yellow was so bright, he feared his deepest inner thoughts would be seen effortlessly with one glace from inquisitive azure eyes. The tingling rippling throughout his body made his skin turn into a sea of goose bumps; the hair-raising sensation dragged a chill up his spine. Another ring of the bell and his clammy fingers squeezed his waist tighter; causing blunt nails to dig painfully against his skin. _Move it dude; be a man and stop acting like a scared little kid_ , he told himself, hoping that the words he had been telling himself since yesterday would finally take a hold in his heart and brain. 

Dean had to put all his strength in making his stubborn feet move; every unhurried step hurt as if he was walking on a bed of blazing coal or sharp nails. _Get it together man, at this rate Cas would know something’s wrong as soon as you open the door._ A grossly sweaty hand reached for the doorknob and he took another deep breath, and then gulped down what felt like a melon blocking his throat, before finally opening the door. His heart jumped in every direction he thought impossible, as he cast his eyes on the attractive man smiling at him cheerfully with both, his eyes and lips. _How can someone make everything he wears look so good?_ Cas was dressed simply; a pair of well-fitted dark blue jeans, red converse and a grey worn-out t-shit; no cap but a messy bed of what looked like damp hair and the pair of aviators than made him look insanely hot. An inward groan made him shiver slightly; _do you smile like that to Ana Milton? Dammit, keep it together Dean._

“Hello Dean, good morning,” spoke the gravelly voice that made him uncomfortable in all the right places. How could he still be arouse at the sight of Cas or at the sound of his voice; when his thoughts were muddled and his heart prey to the dark feelings of possessiveness and jealousy. _Say something you idiot!_

“Hey dude, come on in; here give me that,” he replied as he moved aside for Cas to come inside, and then reached for the reusable supermarket bag he was holding in his hand. Said bag was overflowing with dry ingredients and apples; the fresh sweet smell of apples appeased his nerves a little, _everything is better with apples_ , he thought. He waited for Cas until he took off his shoes and then walked towards the kitchen.

“Cas, man you didn’t have to buy all this; I have most of it. You should have called me, that way you didn’t have to spend your money,” Dean uttered as he unpacked the bag and lined up the ingredients on the island’s counter top. _That’s it, just focus on this and don’t look at him; everything will be fine, just breathe._

“No, I was the one who said I will cook for you, so it’s only proper that I bring everything I need. Also, I like going to the supermarket; I find it therapeutic,” Cas voice boomed in the silence swathing the house and echoed inside Dean’s body, causing a mild tremble throughout. Cas’s body was so close to his, that he could feel the heat emanating from his skin. He needed to get away; some distance would help him calm down. Jo’s words rained on him with such fury; it was as if he was caught in the middle of a typhoon. Dean hastily walked to the cabinets, putting the island between them; he expected to feel at least a bit less on edge, but as usual he didn’t get what he wanted. He distracted himself by collecting a few bowls, a measuring cup, a whisk, and other necessary utensils.

“Hmm, yeah, I guess that’s true,” his voice sounded weird even to his own ears; he walked back to the island and set down the bowls and the other things. Cas immediately started to mix in the ingredients and he started to grate the apple; all the while evading blue eyes. _Hate…I hate this, it’s weird and I don’t like it_ , he sounded like a whiny child, yet, he couldn’t deny his feelings. The uneasy silence was a living thing walking between and around them; a frigid wall of reinforced iron slicing his heart with it sharpened ice edges. From the corner of his eyes, he noticed Cas looking at him; his features etched with worry. It made Dean’s heart deflated and his hand grip the chunk of apple in a crushing hold.

“You will love these pancakes Dean and the vanilla maple syrup I assure you, is like nothing you have tasted before,” Cas murmured while he whisked the batter. “My friend Cain has a bee farm in Filmore, California and he sent me a jar of maple syrup his friend sells. It is exquisite and when you add vanilla it tastes even better. The honey from Cain’s farm is also the best I have ever had; if you like, I could bring you some next time. He sells different flavors, but my favorite is the raw sage honeycomb. If you like tea, I could make you this recipe I found…,” Cas trailed off and Dean’s heart stopped at the same time the whisk did; though he didn’t dare to look up and see why.

“Dean, is something wrong? You seemed distracted and you haven’t looked me in the eyes since I arrived. Something must be weighting on your mind, what is it?” _Fucking hell!_ He was shit at concealing his emotions and keeping them from showing on his face. It didn’t help that Cas was some kind of mind reader; those earnest eyes always managed to dissolve his resolve.

“No, it’s…,” he was about to brush things off and deny his feelings like usual, but them Charlie’s words became a deafening song in his head. _‘Don’t be afraid and ask him; be the brave man you are Winchester.’_ Dean knew that if he didn’t get these thoughts out of his head and his doubts clarified; he wouldn’t be able to sleep a wink until he did. And he needed to sleep desperately, because he couldn’t function properly or think straight; though Cas’s related issues weren’t the only thing making him restless. He could still hear the click of the camera and clearly see the scarred face he thought he would never see again. _If he is here then_ \---

“Dean?” Cas had suspected there was something off with Dean, because he usually replies to every text, video or photo he sends him and he hadn’t done it since Sunday. He thought it was because he had been busy, but a careful look at Dean’s countenance and body language, told him it wasn’t that simple. Dean’s slightly blood shot eyes landed upon him and for the first time they were unreadable to him; it instantly made his skin prickled and his breathing stop unexpectedly, he felt his heart scamper but nothing was playful about it.

Dean put down the apple core and grater, and then turned to face the confused man a few inches away from him. He blindly reached for the kitchen towel and wiped off his hands, but kept a hold of it. The towel was a kind of security blanket of sorts; it would keep his hands busy, he never knew what to do with them. Dean needed a moment to organize his thoughts and Cas, ever the patient man, gave it to him. _He couldn’t possibly ask Cas outright about Ana or yes?_ _How could he ask him and not sound like a jealous boyfriend?_ A heavy sigh rushed out of his mouth at the same time his feet shuffled on the floor. _Don’t think too much about it and do it man. What’s the worst that could happen?_ His own voice insisted. _That he’s engaged, you idiot!_ He retorted; thank God no one could see the mess inside his head. Time to face whatever answer comes from this question.

“Um, uh, you told me, when we were at the café, that um…that you didn’t have…uh, that you didn’t have a boyfriend,” Dean stammered; _holy crap, what the hell is wrong with me?!_ Cas head tilted in that heart melting way he liked so much and his eyebrows furrowed making his eyes squint. _Shit!_ His fingers curled on the black and white towel; at that moment, he wanted to walk to the nearest wall hit his head against it.

“Yes…,” Cas uttered; his hands resting on his hips tightened and thank God he was leaning against the island, because he was sure his knees were made of pudding. _Was Dean going to confess?_ _Oh my God_ ; he gulped and he could no longer feel his heart. He didn’t know how he was still alive if he was sure he wasn’t breathing anymore.

“Is it ‘cause, um, you’re uh…are…are engaged to Ana Milton?” he held his breath, but felt somewhat better because he had finally asked. Only he still felt like a high-strung horse;the worst part was waiting for the answer. His legs felt like gelatin; pathetic wobbly things that kept him upright because of some rare miracle.

Cas had officially lost control over his mouth; it opened and closed without his permission. His nails became iron claws digging inside his skin. He had been flying high a few seconds ago and now, he had abruptly crashed landed face first. The muscles on his shoulders tensed up as if rubber bands stretched to the point of snapping and his chest compressed. His heart was suddenly trapped in a cage of bones clutching it mercilessly. Dean’s eyes were unblinkingly staring at him; he felt like he was being sentenced without a trial. _Why this random question?_ _Did mother do something behind my back again?_ The mere thought of it set his insides in a violent conflagration, but he needed to seize control of the turmoil and answer. He straightened and shook his head; one of his hands moved up to his now dry hair and long fingers ran through slowly. All the while maintaining eye contact with Dean; he didn’t want any misunderstandings to get in the way of their relationship.

Cas licked his lips unconsciously and caught green eyes following his tongue, and immediately Dean’s own followed suit, leaving plump rosy lips spit slick. Despite the destructive fire enmeshing his being, he couldn’t help but succumb to yet another type of fire. Dean was always what he needed, even if he didn’t realize it. “We are not engaged anymore,” his voice was like a foghorn piercing through the suffocating silence of the house.

Dean’s felt his heart fall to his feet and he swallowed hard. The questions came barreling in his mind like a stampede of buffalos, yet he couldn’t make a sound. “Our families had known each other since before Ana and I were born. They decided on the engagement and we, young as we were didn’t want to disobey,” a sigh floated out of his chest and his feet slide awkwardly on the immaculate floor. “We never saw each other as more than childhood friends, so before we went to college, we informed our parents we broke off the engagement. Our parents were furious, but we were happy. I still talk to her sometimes. She is engaged to her high school sweetheart,” he concluded, still on edge as to why there were rumors of their supposed engagement flowing around.

If Dean could slump to the floor he would; all that tension and wait had worn him out. As he exhaled he felt every muscle relax; _why was so easy for him to believe every word Cas said?_ He could be lying for all he knew, but then as he looked into those sapphire eyes and over Cas’s body he saw not a single trace of deceit. The grip on the towel slackened and a sudden wave of heat raised from his chest to his face; he wished he could dig a hole and bury himself.

“Why did you ask?” Cas’s heart was thudding in his chest, giving a clamorous concert for all to hear. _Could Dean perhaps be jealous?_

 _Oh Jesus, shit!_ Dean turned to face the island and began to collect the dirty utensils; he _couldn’t_ look at Cas, the truth was humiliating to admit. “Uh, simple, um curiosity,” he murmured as he walked towards the sink. _Liar!_

“Ah,” was his brief response as he went back to his task, crestfallen. “Can I ask you where did you come about with that information?”

The sound of the water hitting the sink did little to assuage his galloping heart; his cheeks still felt ablaze. “Jo, um she…,” a nervous laughter ripped from his chest before continuing, “she read it online, probably some gossip magazines,” he didn’t dare to lift his eyes; Cas must think he is a fool.

“Oh, okay…Dean, you know you can always ask me anything, no need to be shy,” he made his way to the stove; ceramic bowl in hand and turned on the burner.

Dean nodded and from the corner of his eyes he saw Cas concerned expression; he had made everything uncomfortable again, fan-fucking-tastic. “Yeah…”

“Is there anything else on your mind? You look uneasy,” Cas eyes lingered a bit on Dean’s face and then drifted to the skillet. As soon as the batter began to cook, the smell of apples, nutmeg, cinnamon, and cloves instantly filled the air. It was as if fall had come and taken residence in Dean’s home; the sweet and spicy fragrance blanketed everything with warmth and comfort.

The intoxicating aroma tickled Dean’s nose and his mouth immediately watered. Cas, that bastard, needed to stop being so perfect. At this rate he wouldn’t be able to resist for too long; not that he wanted, but rushing into things has never done him any good. “I…I’m okay Cas, don’t worry. Dude, it smells awesome; you need to give me the recipe,” he wasn’t going to spoil this time with Cas any more than he already has. Maybe he had seen wrong and he was being paranoiac; he was trying to convinced himself of that, but his gut feeling was usually right.

Cas was silent for a few seconds before he turned to look at Dean, who was wiping off the counter top. “If you ever need to talk to someone who isn’t family, I am here for you,” the sincerity drenching Cas’s words, permeated Dean’s chest making him feel warm and fuzzy.

This time, he lifted his eyes to look at the charming man gazing at him earnestly, but he couldn’t utter a single word; a nod would have to do. Having someone understand you without words was the most unnerving and at the same time, satisfying feeling in the world; an abrupt and absurd fear stroke him out of nowhere. _Maybe Cas wasn’t real; what if he had dreamt all of this and he was having a lucid dream?_ Nothing good has ever happened to him without it going awry sooner or later. 

“Did you hear me when I spoke about my friend Cain and his bee farm?”

“Uh-huh,” hopefully Cas won’t ask him about anything specific because his mind had been a mess at the time. Languidly Dean walked to stand next to him and he felt something settle inside him. The awkwardness was slowly ebbing away and the air didn’t feel heavy to breathe in anymore.

“I was telling you that I found a new tea recipe; it would go perfectly with Cain’s sage honeycomb honey. Do you like tea?” the excitement in Cas’s voice stretched Dean’s lips and little butterflies fluttered their wings in his stomach, when those gorgeous blues glanced at him, twinkling with joy. He had to fight the urge that invaded him to yank Cas towards him and kiss the bejesus out of him.

“Hmm, I’m not a tea freak, but I don’t hate it. Lemme guess, you are?” the soft laughter slightly rocking Cas’s shoulders and making his eyes and nose crinkle, was going to be the death of him. Dean was never going to get used to the feeling of his heart bursting or the sudden weakness in his knees, every time Cas laughed or smiled because of him. His throat, out of nowhere became arid and he was kind of glad for it, because he needed to calm the hell down. Quick steps took him to the cabinets and he pulled out a couple of plates and glasses. Then, he walked to the fridge and poured himself some water and grabbed a packet of honey maple bacon.

“I have never been called a ‘tea freak’ before, but I guess you are right,” Cas grinned as he poured the last two last ¼ cups of batter onto the skillet. Dean walked towards him and reached for the dirty bowl and cup, getting a quiet ‘thank you’ from Cas. “Anyway, I suffer from insomnia and I don’t usually want to drink the sleeping pills. So I try different alternatives to get to sleep; aromatherapy, a warm bath with lavender bath salts before bed, a cup of warm milk, and tea.”

Dean almost lost the grip he had on the glass, but thankfully he reacted just in time. _Cas suffered from insomnia too?_ He swallowed forcefully and his hold on the glass tightened; opening up was hard but it was important. “I, um…I’m an insomniac too and uh, I was diagnosed with depression. But you probably know that already…,” Dean trailed off and gulped down the rest of the water; it was difficult not to evade Cas’s gaze.

“Me too, hmm, though I don’t drink medication for it anymore; it is called ‘situational’ depression and it is triggered by stressful events. When I am feeling overwhelmed, I see a psychotherapist; it is healthier than drowning myself in alcohol,” speaking those words felt good; it was like unburdening himself of a heavy load on his shoulders. He also wanted to be completely honest with Dean; that he saw him exactly for who he was an amalgamation of bad and good things. Cas opened the packet of bacon and lay a few strips on the skillet, and waited for Dean’s response.

Dean’s heart stuttered; he felt as if darts pierced it all around. So Cas knew how he felt, well, not exactly, but in some way he did. They were two fractured people, who have survived a sort of hell and were trying to walk towards the future, scars and all. Languid barefooted steps took him to the counter top and then grabbed everything he needed to set up the table. As he walked by the island, he took a couple of stripped cloth mats and a couple of napkins. It was easier to talk about these things when he busied himself with something else.

“I have ‘persistent depressive disorder’ according to Cecilia, my therapist,” he sighed; Cas’s intense gaze burned his back. Knowing he was a bit broken too, helped make this conversation easier, yet he still felt raw. Cas’s barefooted steps approaching made his heart dash. _What did Cas thought of him now that he knew?_ The feeble thud of the ceramic plates against the table as Cas set them down distracted him a bit, though it wasn’t enough to persuade him to let go of the breath he was holding hostage.

“All the similarities between us are scary, don’t you think? Kindred spirits that found each other by chance,” the look on Dean’s face resembled a cracked plate and Cas wanted to close the distance between them, and embrace him tightly. Yet he stilled his desirous arms, because taking advantage of someone’s weakened state was despicable.

Cas was unbelievable; always going against everything he expected. Dean bit his lip, except it was useless trying to contain the silly smile pulling his lips. His head shook as he smiled and Cas’s eyes captured his; it seemed, that feeling utterly breathless was a common occurrence when faced with that gaze. Another gulp and a pair of restless hands uselessly trying to figure out what to do pushed him to walk back to the fridge for the orange juice he had made earlier. “I can’t argue with that.”

They sat at the table and started eating; it was fall inside Dean’s mouth. “Oh my God, this is amazing Cas,” he literally moaned; blushing at chuckle falling from Cas’s mouth.

“I told you,” he singed songed as he brought a piece of pancake to his mouth. The vanilla maple syrup was the cherry on top and it was difficult not to moan in pleasure.

“My respect from you in the kitchen went up a notch,” his voice was muffled by the big piece of pancake stuffing his mouth.

“Just a notch?” Cas teased.

 “Cook more like this and see it go even higher,” he retorted, grinning like an idiot.

Cas nodded, “About those teas, they have helped me with my insomnia and anxiety. I am not telling you in any way to stop your medication. They aren’t a cure, just a complementary natural alternative. Before drinking the teas, you should ask your therapist and make sure they won’t interfere with what you are taking. Some of the names are a bit strange; I can text them to you. Ashwagandhan and eleutherococcus,” he concluded while he reached for his glass.   

“Yikes, I don’t think I can even pronounce that,” it felt so good to talk to Cas without any awkwardness; this moment, felt right. And it was made even better by Cas’s smiling face. They ate in a companionable silence; sharing soft smiles and flitting glances. He felt like a teenager again; all the pure, unadulterated emotions bubbled under his skin.

“Wow, I’m stuffed! My tummy thanks you, Chef Castiel,” Dean admitted whilst patting his belly.

Another chuckle and it awoken a reckless impulse inside him to plop on Cas’s lap, and lick the drop of vanilla maple syrup sticking to the corner of his mouth. _Hold it pal; don’t do anything crazy_ , he thought to himself. And as if on cue and to punish him, Cas’s tongue peeked out and slowly licked the offending drop. At that moment, Dean realized he was royally fucked, because feeling envious of a drop of maple syrup was foolish.

“Any time you want, I can cook for you; just say the word.”

 _Yeah, I don’t think I’ll last long; why am I so easy?_ No- no, it wasn’t that, Cas was just so…he couldn’t even explain it. _What use he had for words, when he couldn’t use them to express his thoughts about Cas?_ A couple plates that have been treated roughly but hadn’t broken just cracked here and there. It didn’t sound that bad now that he thought about it with a clear head. “Okay…um, Cas?

“Yes Dean?” Cas scooted down a bit on his chair; his hands rested interlaced on the table and his attention on him.

He licked his lips, they tasted incredibly sweet and spicy at the same time; his hands lay on his thighs and his feet tapped off rhythm on the floor. “Your tattoos, what do they mean?” since the day he had seen them, he couldn’t wipe off the image of those jet black letters imprinted over tanned skin off his mind. The melancholic smile blooming on Cas’s lips made his heart squeeze painfully in his chest; sadness had no place on that gorgeous face.

Cas’s eyes were clouded momentarily with a veil of grief, but just as fast it disappeared. “I got them done in Japan about five years ago, when I went to the funeral of my sensei,” his solemn voice brimmed with the same fondness glittering in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Dean whispered.

Cas shook his head and then licked his lips, “He was like a father to me; it hurt, but he lived a truly happy life doing what he loved. My tattoos don’t have the typical touching stories behind them; well, except the one on my hip, in a way,” he stood up and Dean followed the movement as if hypnotized; he didn’t know why all of a sudden his heart felt like it was jumping on a trampoline.

“It is better if I show you as I tell you the meaning,” at those words Dean’s mouth became a wasteland and as Cas’s hand reached for the hem of his t-shirt, and started to pull it up, revealing inch after inch of taut skin, it grew into an overflowing river. He swallowed with so much effort it hurt a little and his breathing became practically non-existent. Cas either was completely oblivious of how his semi striptease was almost giving him a coronary or he was doing it on purpose; either way his cock wasn’t complaining, but he was mortified.

“This one,” Cas said whilst tracing the black characters down his ribs as he glanced at Dean, and then back at the tattoo, “Masakatsu Agatsu is Kanji for ‘True victory is victory over oneself’. I have always liked that phrase and I wanted something permanent to remind me of it,” the tone of seriousness in his voice, helped Dean smother a bit the fire that had ignited in the pit of his stomach. Cas speaking Japanese was so freakin’ hot, it made it almost impossible to keep himself in check. He swallowed hard and licked his dry lips; it was difficult to get the words out, he was afraid how his voice would sound.

“I, uh, I like it… to compete less with others and focus on fixing our own flaws and become a better person,” thank God he didn’t sound weird; though his muscles screamed with tension.

“Exactly,” Cas replied with a tiny quirk on his lips and then he let go of his t-shirt. He instantly lamented that his eyes weren’t cameras. But then, Cas’s right hand pulled down the waistband of his jeans, revealing the tattoo on his hip bone. Dean automatically scooted down the edge of his seat. As if hawk’s claws, his nails buried painfully in his thighs, yet he couldn’t feel the pain over the lust shrouding his senses. He was lucky Cas was too focused on explaining the story behind his tats to notice his heated cheeks.  

“And this one, Kokuryuu, means ‘Black Dragon’, my teacher used to call me that; so in his honor, I decided to get it done,” his eyes twinkled and crinkled as he said this. At that moment, he understood that Cas felt more happiness taking about his teacher, than his own mother probably because he received more love and acceptance from him than from her.

“ _Black dragon_ , huh? I like it; you do look very cool when you’re doing your fancy moves,” _fucking dammit,_ he groaned inwardly. He discreetly cringed at how dreamy his voice sounded.

Cas chuckled as he sat back on the chair, “Thank you Dean, do you have any?”

Dean’s right hand automatically flew to the left side of his chest and his fingertips softly rubbed at it. Cas’s inquisitive eyes followed his hand and slowly drifted back up to lock with his. “I am sorry, you don’t ha---,”

Dean shook his head and pulled down the collar of his t-shirt, revealing a stunning medium sized tattoo in black and gray with shading. Cas’s eyes widened and his mouth followed suit; twitched fingers twitched, hungry to trace the beautiful design. “Wow,” he managed to say in a breathy voice. Of course Dean’s tattoo would leave him speechless, as everything his usually did.

The expression etched on Cas’s face made his skin tingle; he wanted that gaze on him every second of every day. “I, um, got it done three months ago. I researched a bit before deciding to get it, The Eye of Horus,” he explained, still holding down the collar.

“Does it have a meaning?”

Dean let go of the collar and sat back, “It’s for protection and good health; God knows I need it,” he said jokingly, but his face fell at the same time Cas’s did. He fiercely fought the tendrils of sadness threatening to sour the moment and then spoke.

“Gilda, the wife of my best friend Charlie, is having her first art exhibition this Saturday at Ardiccioni’s at 8. If…if you don’t have any plans, um, do you want to go with me?” at least this time he didn’t stammer much; his hands and feet were doing most of the freaking out, good thing Cas couldn’t see them.

“Of course,” he replied, almost too eagerly. Cas was pretty sure he didn’t have any plans, but if he did, he would make sure he didn’t anymore. Every molecule in his body was vibrating with unrestrained joy; every moment he could spend with Dean was a precious gift he was always glad to accept. _How would a lifetime with him be?_   

 _Whoop, whoop, hell yeah!_ Dean was grateful, at least in this moment, that people couldn’t see souls because his was the embodiment of embarrassment. He’ll do his happy dance later. Knowing that he would see Cas again on Saturday, helped settle his nerves. Since yesterday, he had felt on edge from the incident at the parking lot. Now more than ever, he would have to keep his gun close, but he won’t let anyone ruin his time with Cas. _Cas_ , who listens to him with every ounce of his attention, always asks for his opinions, never makes decisions for him and looks at him like he is important. He had found something rare and he wasn’t about to let anyone or anything take it away from him.

 

  

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you like the chapter? I'm in love with their tattoos.
> 
> Also, here's the link to the Apple Pie pancakes recipe, try it and let me know how you like them: 
> 
> http://www.averiecooks.com/2013/09/apple-pie-pancakes-with-vanilla-maple-syrup.html
> 
> Thanks for reading and for your support!


	21. ~Enmeshed in a Myriad of Feelings~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Castiel, it’s me, Sebastian. I…please meet with me and let’s talk. For the love you...fee---, felt for me, let’s talk. I need to explain myself to you and…and maybe we can…let’s talk. Jacob and Tim know how to get in touch with me. I hope to see you soon, bye.’ 
> 
> The disemboweled and somewhat familiar voice spoke pleadingly, and a scoff escaped him. He should have known that the few days he didn’t received any unwanted calls was a reprieve with an expiration date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter. Cas and Dean in suits *sighs* I am very excited to know what you think of their favorite painting. 
> 
> Also, next chapter is... what we all have been waiting for ;D
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> Some vocab (Balthy):  
> *Twit- Idiot  
> *Cheerio- good bye  
> *Bomb- very expensive  
> *Bollocks- rubbish  
> *Keep your pecker up- chin up  
> *Belt up- shut up  
> *Wanker- Jerk  
> *Twat- cut (sorry guys, *blushes*)

****

_‘Castiel, it’s me, Sebastian. I…please meet with me and let’s talk. For the love you...fee---, felt for me, let’s talk. I need to explain myself to you and…and maybe we can…let’s talk. Jacob and Tim know how to get in touch with me. I hope to see you soon, bye.’_

The disemboweled and somewhat familiar voice spoke pleadingly, and a scoff escaped him. He should have known that the few days he didn’t received any unwanted calls was a reprieve with an expiration date.

Saturday wasn’t supposed to start like this or turned sour; it was supposed to be delightful, because he was to see Dean, and go to an art exhibition- which was two of his favorite things. But everything went to hell, in a way, because of one voice mail. He had conveniently deluded himself into thinking Sebastian would respect his wishes and behave like an adult, but he should have known better. Of course Sebastian wouldn’t heed his wishes; he will keep calling until Cas finally had enough and agree to meet him. His fingers curled even tighter on the phone and itched to send it flying against the wall, but he stayed them because doing so would only give Sebastian power over him.

Cas took a deep breath whilst his eyes fluttered closed; his body vibrated with tendrils of fury threatening to strangle him. He shook his head, trying to fling off the shadows attempting to engulf his heart. His past was closing in on him, trying to smother the light in his life like thick curtains block the sunlight. He won’t allow Sebastian to ruin his day with Dean- gorgeous and kind _Dean_ , who was so dazzling that sometimes his eyes were blinded by his light. Once again Dean’s sweet face has saved him, startling the unsettling thoughts slithering in his head. When he was about to set the phone down on the coffee table, it rang; the familiar ringtone was the comforting balm he needed.

 _‘Cassie my darling, how are you? I am in possession of your suit and let me tell you, it costed a bomb but I assure you, it is worth every penny,’_ Balt’s enthusiastic voice helped abate, if only a tad, the bad taste the voice mail had left in his mouth. He slumped on the sofa and as soon as he did, his little tyrants followed. Mrs. Agatha plopped on his lap, and Tippens sat next to him, resting his head on his thigh; immediately he began to pet them.

“I am very afraid to ask how much you spent; I should have asked Tim instead,” he lamented, not that he was cheap, but Balt sometimes tended to splurge on unnecessary things.

Balt’s booming laughter made him move the phone away from his ear, _“oh please, don’t be a twit, you know I am the one with the exquisite taste in this family. Don’t worry about the money; think of it as an early birthday present.’_

His hand stopped mid-petting on Mrs. Agatha’s cheek and she meowed to show her discontent. Cas’s lips quirked and he continued his task. “No Balt, I couldn’t---,”

 _‘I can’t hear you dear and I will hold the suit hostage, until you tell me the right words,’_ he singed songed in a purposely plummy voice; Cas knew it was useless to try and talk his best friend out of it.

“Fine,” he sighed, defeated, “but I won’t accept another birthday present on the actual day.”

_“Aye! Now tell me what going on?”_

Cas’s shoulders tensed; was he so off that even over the phone, Balt could tell something was bothering him?! “Nothi---”

 _“Bollocks! Are you forgetting who you are talking to Cassie? Spill it,”_ Balt insisted and he knew it was better just to say it and be done with it.

His hand stopped the petting session and went to rub the bridge of his nose; he rested his head against the backrest and then spoke. “Sebastian left me a voice mail late last night,” he sighed again, “I just listened to it. He wants to meet, but I don’t want to, and I know he won’t stop until I do. He’s trying to manipulate the entire situation…again,” he murmured; Balt’s growl jolted him out of his thoughts; guilt crept inside his heart and dug a hole.

 _“That bleeding wanker…I never liked him. If that twat is as determined as I remember, the calls are just a way to tire you out until you yield. What are you going to do?”_ The concern on Balt’s voice made his guilt dig deeper, it wasn’t fair to his family to be dragged into this drama.

He stretched his aching legs in front of him and swallowed, and then exhaled before he answered, “I know,” the scowl on his face deepened and his jaw clenched; he needed to get his bearing back before meeting Dean tonight.

“I need more time; I don’t even know what to say to him when I see him. All the anger and the pain that I felt after his betrayal, I…I don’t feel it anymore. I am just bothered by his lack of respect for me; trying to force himself back into my life, regardless of my feelings,” that was it; that was one of the main reasons their relationship started to die, even before Sebastian up and left. He didn’t think Cas’s opinions, wants, and needs were of importance. Yet, it was also his fault for not speaking up.

_“Do you want me to talk to him, scare him off?”_

“ _No_ , no this is my problem; I have caused all of you enough grief already,” the energy he usually felt after his run had vanished like water vapor; he hoped a long shower would help if only a bit.

 _“Belt up darling; you know we are here for each other. Now, keep your pecker up and have a jolly good time with Dean. I will send the suit with Short Stack, best of British luck chap,”_ he couldn’t help the tiny quirk on his lips. Once again, he was grateful for the patchwork family he had. Cas could always count on them, no matter what; they were bright stars on his sometimes dark sky.

“Thank you.”

A noisy kiss floated through the speaker before his friend spoke, and his smile grew, _“Cheerio Cassie.”_

 _No more brooding_ , he decided as he hanged up the call and stood up. _I have a date to get ready for._

***************************

 

“Fucking malls,” Dean mumbled as he gave himself a once over in front of the full length mirror.

 He tried to avoid those places like the plague, but somethings could only be bought there; it was made even worse because he had to go by himself. Not that he didn’t enjoy being alone, but he had no idea what was the appropriate suit to wear to a fancy shindig; so he had to enlist the help of one of the sales people. It wouldn’t have been so bad if the guy would have behaved professionally, instead of giving him leering looks at every turn. The memory of it made a shiver ran up his spine; the lust was so palpable he still felt dirty after a long shower. He hadn’t lost his shit and broken the dude’s nose because the jerkhole hadn’t dared to touch him. At least he was smart enough to call the nice older lady that had greeted him to take the measurements.

 _That creep was disgusting, but he had good taste in suits_ , he thought as he gave himself yet another once over.

The well-fitted dark grey suit with light blue horizontal and vertical lines, blue shirt and silk tie in dark olive with white thin stripes, together with dark brown dress shoes, and the English linen pocket square, made him look _damn good_. His hair was parted to the right per Jess’s insistence, because according to her, _‘your hair combed in that way makes you look like one of those classy handsome man from the 50’s Dean; Cas would need a stretcher when he sees you.’_ That last part, if he was being honest was what made him give in.

Sam, that jackass had also insisted that he sent him pictures with each of the suits he tried on. He gave good suggestions though, yet Dean had immediately regretted it because Sam could be worse than any doting mother.

His brother’s immediate text after he sent him the picture of him wearing this suit was: **_‘Oh my God Dean, you look so handsome; I bet someone’s going to need to sit down and catch his breath when he sees you.’_**

To which he quickly responded **_‘shut up’_** and Sammy right away texted back, **_‘aww, you’re so adorable Dean, getting all suit-up for Cas.’_**

Since then, he decided to ignore his jerk of a brother’s texts, at least for the day.   _I bet he kept all the freakin’ pictures to print them and show them off, ugh,_ he lamented.

Dean lifted his hand to his freshly shaven face, and then brushed the pads of his fingers over his eyebrows; _God, you’re acting like a teenager going to prom_ , a fliting thought teased, but he didn’t pay any mind to it. The excitement bubbling inside of him and overflowing his skin in a sea of goose bumps made his heart flip uncontrollably. A deluge of emotions drenched him; he hadn’t noticed he was trembling until he looked at his hands. He took a deep breath, held his head high and straightened; _time to stop overthinking and go pick up Cas._

Hurried steps took him down the stairs. He flicked off some lights, grabbed his keys, and ran out the door. His eyes darted to Missouri and then Mr. Pascal’s houses; he didn’t want to be caught in any chit-chats, and was ridiculously relieved when he got inside Baby without being noticed. A pang of guilt poked his heart for acting so selfishly, but he couldn’t wait to see Cas.

Baby’s engine came to life and after putting on the seat belt; he reached for the radio and turned it on. Led Zeppelin’s ‘Stairway to Heaven’ lyrics flooded Baby and he couldn’t avoid the spear that flew to his heart, piercing it and wounding it. He swallowed hard and took a few breaths; his hands gripped the steering wheel tightly. Dean didn’t understand why every time this song played, it felt like it held a message specifically for him from someone that somehow he knew. It sounded crazy even to him, but he couldn’t shake that feeling. He didn’t believe in silly things like fate or past lives, it must be his mind messing up with him like usual.

He decided not to think too much about it and set off to pick up his ‘date’, _there_ , he said it and it felt so good. From the tip of his toes to the crown of his head, a tingling sensation raised every hair on his body. He feared a bit the day Cas’s hands caress his naked flesh or his lips touch his, because he was sure he would die.

  _There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure_  
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.  
In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings,  
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.  
  
Ooh, it makes me wonder,  
Ooh, it makes me wonder.

**************************

A loud annoying whistle greeted him when he walked into the living room and he winced. Before he could say a word, Gabe whipped out his cell, and began taking pictures whilst walking in circles around him. Meanwhile, he stood awkwardly frozen in place, as his eyebrows furrowed, and his arms lay rigid on his sides. The flash was giving him a headache. He cleared his throat to get his brother’s attention, and then tilted his head when Gabe finally stopped his photography session.

“What? The others wanted pics and I promised dad that I’ll send him some too,” he responded in his usual matter-of-fact tone and walked closer to him. The satisfied expression on his face coupled with a childish grin made his own lips follow suit.

“Look at you, young Adonis! This suit was worth it the almost $800 dollars Balthy spent, _oops_ ,” Gabe quickly snapped his mouth shut and Cas almost fell on his butt.

“ _What?!_ You are lying, he couldn’t have… _why?_ Oh God, that’s too much money for a suit,” he had lost control of his face. It must look very comical for his brother to be laughing like a fool as he snapped more pictures. His arms folded over his chest and his right foot tapped on the floor as he waited for the hysterical laughter to ebb away.

“Oh man, you should have seen your face Cassie! This’s my new fave pic of you; I’ll replace the old pic I have set up for you with this one,” Gabe casually commented, wiping away a stray tear.

“Gabe, is it true?”

His brother nodded while he lifted his right hand, and began to fix his hair. He had spent several minutes in front of the mirror, trying to make it look decent but he had failed.

“Don’t worry about it, he has more than enough money, and he wanted to do it for you. Tim and Jacob were with him when he bought it, plus, it was kind of your fault for throwing away all of your clothes after…,” Gabe trailed off, and then glanced back at him after a few seconds.

“Sorry bro, my foot-in- mouth syndrome is---”

Cas shook his head and then spoke, “I didn’t want anything that reminded me of the life I had before…,” he sighed, and looked back at his brother with a soft smile. “Thank you again Gabe, if it wasn’t for your insistence I would have never come back. God knows where I would be…I wouldn’t have met Dean either, so thank you. I don’t know how to repay you and everyone else. All of you have been so good to me.”

“Shush little bro; the only way you can ‘repay’ us, is by being so fucking happy your heart would burst from it,” Gabe’s words were like a warm fluffy blanket in a cold day. Sebastian’s voice mail was still replaying in his mind and causing uproar in his heart. Cas lifted his hand to his brother’s shoulder and squeezed it, all the while smiling softly.

“Let’s leave the sentimentality fest for another time. We don’t want to scare Dean off with puffy red eyes,” Gabe said jokingly, patting his cheek.

The ‘Hey Jude’ ringtone filled the living room and he swears his heart twirled. It also awoke Tippens, who immediately walked towards him and gave him a curious look. He hadn’t worn a suit since he moved back, thus he could understand how strange it must be for his little tyrant to see him dressed like this. His hand dashed to grab the phone and almost knocked over Gabe’s beer.

“Whipped,” his brother singed songed as an amused smile split his thin lips. He walked to one of the windows and pushed aside the white curtain.

Cas chose to ignore the teasing and answered the call, “Hello Dean.”

 _‘Hiya Cas, I’m here, you ready?’_ Dean’s voice greeted cheerfully.

“Yes, I will be out in a few seconds,” he could barely speak because the smile tugging his lips was too wide.

“Okey dokey buddy.”

“That’s his car?” his brother asked making a face.

“Yes.”

“It’s a monster,” Gabe’s comment strangely enough felt like a jab against himself; Cas couldn’t believe how much he had fallen.

“If I were you I wouldn’t insult Baby, especially in front of Dean.”

“Who’s Baby?”

“The black beauty you just insulted,” he replied as he lifted his hand to his hair in a last attempt to tame it.

“OMG, he named his car?! You should run Cassie,” the humor knitting the words and the amused smile on his brother’s face took the edge off the comment.

“What is wrong with that? I think is cute…and too late, I can’t run away even if I wanted to,” not that he wanted to anyway; on the contrary- he wanted to be even more rooted in Dean’s life.

Gabe snorted, “People in love are so gross… if he gets out of the car when you go out, I’ll buy you lunch for two weeks.”

Cas shook his head; a fond smile stretched his lips as he petted a sleepy Tippens, and a tad irritated Mrs. Agatha. “Are you staying a while or ---”

At that, Gabe perked up and asked, “Are you going to _finally_ introduce us?”

“Not yet,” was his immediate answer, taking a hold of his keys.

“Boooo,” his brother replied, a pout forming on his lips. “Then I’ll stay for a bit, that hell spawn of yours is scaring me,” he nodded his head towards Mrs. Agatha, “but I want to watch this show I found yesterday and Kali hates it.”

“Do as you like, see you tomorrow,” he didn’t wait for the answer, and as calm as he could he walked outside.

One of the perks of summer was that even at almost 8 pm, it was still bright outside. And Cas was never more thankful for that, that at this moment; when Dean stepped out of his car and sauntered slowly towards him. Confidence ooze from every pore and peridot green eyes glimmered with golden flecks; he looked every bit the most beautiful man on Earth. Cas almost swallowed his tongue. It took a herculean effort to keep breathing and to think of unpleasant things to calm his rebellious cock. _Gabe owes me lunch_ , he thought as a way of distracting his inappropriate thoughts.

As he took the last step and Dean stopped in front of him; a whiff of his cologne tickled his nostrils. The manly, dark and airy fragrance instantly inebriated him. It was as if his brain had been slammed against a wall several times; his mind was disoriented. Dean was more intoxicating than any alcohol. He was addicting and dangerous, and Cas wanted him so bad.

“Hello again,” were the only words he could force out of his mouth. He hoped his body language didn’t reflect the intensity of his affection and desire. Cas swallowed hard and it was too loud for his own ears; probably Dean had heard it too. His hands fought to reach out and unwrap the gorgeous gift in front of him, but his self-control, to his surprise was stronger than he thought. Though, his every thought was a litany of _your so beautiful and I want to map every inch of your body with the pads of my fingers. I want to kiss every breath out of you and my tongue want to taste all the flavors of your skin. Please, I implore you; feel even a smidgen like I feel about you._

“Hey…,” Dean grimaced inwardly as the word left his mouth. His voice sounded as dreamy as Cas looked.

 Only no one could blame him, because _holy fucking shit!_ Cas was smoking hot and dashing in that dark blue pinstripe suit, crisp white shirt, light blue tie that brought out his eyes; making them look bluer than they already were. It was insane how stunning this man was. _And this damn hair_ , his wasn’t as soft as Cas’s; he froze when he realized what he was doing. _How had his hand gotten there?!_ His eyes widened and a gasp rushed out his mouth. He didn’t know what to do with his tremulous hands or how to slow down his thudding heart.

Dean couldn’t even muster the courage to lower his hand. He stood there like a statue, looking every bit the fool. Cas’s lapis lazuli eyes had seduced him as his hands weaved a trap around him. He was utterly spellbound and at the mercy of a man, who more often than not rendered him speechless. The warm hand that covered his made his eyelashes fluttered and his body quiver. A suffocating heat rose from the sole of his feet to his face, it probably painted his face crimson.

“Thank you…you look so very handsome Dean; that suit only enhances your natural beauty.”

Cas’s gravelly voice spoke with such sincerity, that it stole every intelligent thought and ability to speak. The tie around his neck suddenly felt like a hangman’s noose, strangling him. An unexpected laughter ripped from his chest and he felt his cheeks sizzle. The hand once frozen had distractedly traveled to his nape; blunt nails scratched at it nervously. His gaze flit to the ground in search of a moment to get his bearing back; _how embarrassing_ , he chided to himself. He cleared his throat and licked his lips; they tasted minty.

 “Geez, thanks Cas, you do know how to make someone blush,” _shit!_ “Um, you…you look quite amazing yourself,” he breathed as he ventured a glance at blue eyes. _Fuck! Dammit Cas, you needed to stop looking at me like that or so help me God, I will jump you right here._

“Thank you, Dean,” Cas was certain the man in front of him was purposely trying to drive him insane, if not, _why would he look at him through lush eyelashes?_

“We…we better get going or we’ll be late, and Charlie will kill me,” Dean explained as he darted a look at his watch. He hoped the abrupt change of conversation didn’t make things awkward.

Cas glimpsed at wrist watch, 7:45. The gallery wasn’t far from there, but unexpected traffic or an accident could make them late. “Then let’s hurry.”

  Another lingering look and both quickly walked towards the Impala. Dean didn’t think twice before opening the door for Cas to get in. He was past sweating the small details, plus it felt right.

“Thanks,” Cas murmured as azurite eyes crinkled and a devastatingly charming smile illuminated his features. ]

Dean didn’t have a choice but respond in kind. He shut the door and walked to the driver’s side, but before entering he took a deep breath, and then released it. When he got in, Cas already had his seatbelt on and waited patiently. He wished he could stare at his friend openly without having to be discreet. _He needed a picture of Cas in that suit for… he just needed it okay?!_

After he had put on his seatbelt; he turned on his girl and then the radio. The last notes of ‘Back in Black’ played as he was about to start driving. His skin vibrated with the thrashing of his heartbeats.

“Are you ready to see some pretty fairies and meet my other crazy family members?”

The chuckle swimming into his ears only made things worse; _how was he supposed to fight this feel---_

 _I can't fight this feeling any longer_  
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow  
What started out as friendship, has grown stronger  
I only wish I had the strength to let it show  
I tell myself that I can't hold out forever  
I said there is no reason for my fear  
Cause I feel so secure when we're together  
You give my life direction  
You make everything so clear

 _Oh my fucking God!_ _This was a cruel joke, who did he piss off in heaven or hell or in between?_

A cough fit overtook him, and all he could hear were those damn lyrics that sang every one of his unavowed thoughts. An odd exhaustion relaxed his muscles and his head felt heavy. He had to rest it against the steering wheel because his neck was too weak to hold the weight. His fingers curled tightly around the wheel, in a useless effort to keep himself grounded. A broad and warm hand gently patted his back. And the cologne that was slowly making him lose his mind cocooned him as Cas got closer. The stinging in his eyes and the rope coiling around his neck weren’t the results of the cough ripping through his chest. Overpowering emotions flew him to heights unknown and he felt himself drown in an alluvium of feelings. It was too much; his heart was being dissected in cold blood.

 _Fuck, fucking shit_ , his mind repeated those words in a loop. He was spiraling without hopes of stopping.

 _And even as I wander_  
I'm keeping you in sight  
You're a candle in the window  
On a cold, dark winter's night  
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

“Dean, _Dean_ are you okay? I will go home and get you some water.” Cas’s voice was a deafening sound scattering every thought in his brain. He wanted to listen to it until it was the only sound he could ever hear.

“ _No_ …,” he croaked and then gasped for air.

“But De---”

 _And I can't fight this feeling anymore_  
I've forgotten what I started fighting for  
It's time to bring this ship into the shore  
And throw away the oars, forever

“I’m fine now, don’t worry,” his throat felt raw as if it had been rubbed down with sand paper; swallowing wasn’t pleasant in that instant.

“Do you want me to drive? My car is---”

“No, Cas really …I’m okay. Don’t insist,” another deep breath and he straightened. Thankfully, he had thankfully blinked the tears away. Yet, he didn’t dare to gaze into the eyes intensely scanning his face, lest he lost his resolve. Fear was still a persistent spider web woven around his heart; _you are a coward Dean, absolutely pathetic._

The hand abandoning his back took with it the warmth heating his blood. He wanted it back permanently, _needed it_. “Alright,” came Cas’s hesitant reply; it didn’t sound angry, but concerned.

Dean swallowed again and winced at the mild pain. Then he reached for the radio and fast forwarded to the next song. Relief watched over him when, ‘Houses of the Holy’ started playing; though it still felt like his music was against him today. He didn’t waste any more time and began to drive; as he did, he started to increasingly feel better. It was all thanks to the soothing rumble of Baby’s engine, one of his favorite songs drowning his loud heartbeats, and the peaceful presence next to him.

The drive was a mix of companionable silence and their out of tune voices singing out loud. He couldn’t erase the stupid smile decorating his face. His entire body felt alive and high with a thrill he has never known. And the fault was all Cas’s. With his twinkling midnight blue eyes, gentle singing voice, and laughter that seeped inside Dean’s very soul, making it beam.

“Here we are, now let’s run ‘cause we only have two minutes to make it,” he said as he turned off the engine.

Hastily, they almost jogged to the gallery’s entrance where a plump, older man dressed in a black suit and white bowtie greeted them. Dean pulled out the invitation out of his suit jacket and handed it over to him. After finding their names on the guest list; they were ushered inside. The place was spacious, but it was crowded. Green eyes wandered in search of familiar faces. Cas and him were almost plastered against each other’s side, because of the amount of people swarming the gallery.  

“Are you sure this is your friend’s first exhibition? This is the kind of attendance I have seen at seasoned artist’s exhibitions,” he wasn’t exaggerating in the praise.

He had been here a few times; because Samandriel had seen a painting he was interested in purchasing. Only the crème de la crème art pieces were exhibited and sold here. Satin white walls highlighted the beautiful bright colors bringing to life ethereal fairies. High ceilings and track lights, gave the space a modern and clean look. The immaculate marble floors and columns added a touch of regality. No unnecessary seating cluttered the rooms. He had been told when he had visited, that the design was meant to keep people moving and mingling. Servers carrying trays full of glasses of champagne moved about expertly.

Cas question made Dean pause his search and turn to look back at his friend; a proud smile stretched his lips. “It’s her first, but you’ll see why the place is pac---,” his words were cut off by a friendly voice.

“There you are! We thought you weren’t going to make it,” Charlie’s voice brimmed with cheer as did her entire visage. He was immediately entwined in an affectionate hug which he returned. A group of familiar faces made its way towards them with a bit of difficulty. Everyone looking their best, dressed in elegant suits and long dresses. At that moment, he was glad he spent the ridiculous amount of money he did on his suit.

“I wouldn’t have missed it for anything. You look beautiful my queen,” the broad smile on his best friend’s face tugged his lips.

“Look who’s talking, Mr. Drop-Dead-Gorgeous,” she retorted as shining eyes looked him up and down. His cheeks felt like two breads cooking in the oven; he was useless at handling compliments.

“And is this who I think it is?” the knowing look in Charlie’s face made his pulse rise. It was important for him that Cas and Charlie got along.

Dean nodded and glanced at Cas, “Charlie, this is Castiel Novak,” he stated whilst he motioned between them. Unconsciously he held his breath, which almost provoked another coughing outburst at Cas’s blinding smile. Because his friend was unnervingly perceptive; she didn’t miss the whole drama unfolding inside his head and smiled reassuringly at him.

“Charlie Bradbury at your service; if you ever have any computer troubles I’m your gal. It is a pleasure to meet you Castiel; I have heard a lot about you,” at that Dean’s muscles tightened and a taste of salt filled his mouth. He didn’t want to give away his feelings for Cas any more than he already has. At least he didn’t want them exposed by others, it was his right; they belonged to him.

“Sam is like your biggest fanboy; can’t make him shut up,” she said jokingly as a toothy smile flourished on her lips.

Cas chuckled and extended his hand towards her, which she immediately shook. “Charlie, please call me Cas. And I have also heard a lot about you; Dean tells me you are quite the computer genius.”

Her smile grew two sizes as she looked between them, “Aww, isn’t he the sweetest?!” her hand went up to pat Dean’s cheek lovingly. _Leave it to my family to embarrass me_ , a thought flashed through his mind. Yet he didn’t turn away from the gesture.

“Yes, he is,” came the split-second affirmation. Dean had to bite down a gasp threatening to reveal his feelings. Charlie’s hand now resting on his shoulder squeezed it gently and he didn’t know where to look.

“ _Wow_ , look at you two Adonis,” thank goodness for his Moose of a brother! He inconspicuously released the breath paralyzing his chest and self-consciously fiddled with his tie.

“Lookin’ spiffy you two princes, bet that’s why they came late,” Bobby declared in his usual gruff voice. But what grabbed Dean’s attention were the dark grey suit, white shirt and silk burgundy tie. Except what shocked him the most was the absence of one of Bobby’s worn out caps covering his thinning hair.

“Who’re you and where’s the real Bobby?” he couldn’t help himself; it was the perfect opportunity to tease the old man and he wasn’t going to let it slip by. Apparently the others felt the same because the giggles and chuckles didn’t take long.

“Shut it, ya idjit, before I decide to show Cas a few embarrassing photos of a younger you,” he threatened, only it didn’t have any bite behind it. Though to be safe, he snapped his mouth shut and raised his hands in a placating gesture.

“Old man, don’t be such a grump. _I_ almost didn’t recognize ya and I have known ya way before ya started losing your hair. Miracles do happen, God is real,” Rufus commented barely holding back his laughter, while nudging Bobby with his elbow.

“Keep at it and see who’ll fix that crappy car of yours when it breaks down again,” anyone outside of their circle would easily think they hated each other, but that was their dynamic. The laughter rumbling in their little circle warmed his heart, and now Cas was part of it. He ventured a side glance and noticed Sam and Cas talking animatedly; it piqued his interest but he didn’t want to intrude. After they greeted everyone; he introduced Cas to the few he hadn’t yet met.

“Cas, this is Pamela, her husband Ash, and Garth,” tonight felt like he was introducing his boyfriend or something; it made his skin buzz and his heart twirl. Pamela gave him an approving nod and wink before turning her attention to Cas. Ash, on the other hand was as mellow as always, yet discreetly, gave him a thumb up. Garth, he prayed, wouldn’t make any weird comments.

“It is very nice to meet you all,” Cas’s tone was warm and welcoming. Dean couldn’t be any happier, well, he could but…, the point was that he could breathe easier now; knowing that his Cas got along with his family. Though, he was keeping an eye on Jo, who has been strangely quiet the entire time. Yet, he didn’t sense any lingering hostility from her towards Cas.

“You are more handsome in person than in pictures; they don’t do you justice,” as the last word rolled off Pam’s tongue; he felt his heart drop to his feet and his breathing cease. _Shit!_ He mustered all the courage he had and from the corner of his eyes peeked at Cas. _God bless his soul and how oblivious he was_ , because his friend’s expression didn’t changed not even a bit at the comment.

Pamela must have notice his near panic attack and quickly added, “Sam and Jess told us only good things of your school. And seeing how excited Mary Rose is about karate has made our son Jeremy interested.”

 _Nice save Pam_ , he fist pumped inwardly. _Who would have thought introductions could be so stressful_.

“Well, then I would like to invite you for a visit and a free class. That way, both of you and Jeremy could familiarize with our teaching style and the other teachers. And also, speak with the other parents and children. I must apologize, because I don’t have a card with me right now. But you could visit our website and call to set up a visit at any time,” hearing Cas’s talk so enthusiastically about his job made him tuned out everything else and focus only on him.

“Heart eyes motherfucker,” a soft voice whispered in his ear, startling him. His heart almost thumped out of his ribcage in a cyclonic dash.

“Char, what the hell?!” he mumbled; giving Cas and the others a genuine smile (he hoped), before his best friend tugged him away.

“Oh my Yoda! Dean Winchester, you are completely whipped and I totally understand why. He’s freakin’ dreamy, dude. You guys are too cu…,” Charlie’s voice abruptly faded from his mind as his attention was drawn away by Jo approaching Cas.

 _Dammit, what now?_ He was ready to speed towards them, when a soft hand clutched one of his own. His eyebrows furrowed and his lips pursed; he didn’t have time to chit-chat.

“Let it happen, she learned her lesson and he’s a big boy. I’m sure he can take whatever she has to say to him.” Her words didn’t persuade him to desist; it was Cas’s relaxed body language and placid disposition that convinced him. A deep sigh swept through him and as it did, all the air travelling out of his body expelled some of the tension in his muscles. He nodded and Charlie’s hand squeezed his in support.

“Castiel, can I talk to you for a minute?” Jo asked quietly as she brushed a long golden lock behind her ear.

“Of course Jo,” the pretty women in front of him didn’t meet his eyes. The taut lines of her bare shoulders spoke of the state of her emotions; it made him feel unsettled. His hands lay on his sides begging to slither inside his pockets, whilst he unconsciously shifted from one foot to the other.

At his answer, she swallowed hard. She must have settled her thoughts, because immediately her countenance and posture underwent a sudden transformation. Her shoulders relaxed and straightened; she held her head high and lovely brown eyes finally connected with his. The fire in them matched the scarlet of her strapless, long sequin dress. Instantly, the uncomfortable feeling in his chest vanished. She knew what his lips had yet to tell Dean- his amorous feelings for him. That had been the reason she had acted like a mama bear and he was fine with it.

“I want to apologize for acting like I did on Saturday…um, but I don’t regret it,” her voice was calmed and controlled, and drenched with honesty. He couldn’t bite down the quirk on his lips. Jo’s delicate fingers curled tightly around the small black clutch in her hands. And a perfectly shaped eyebrow rose when she caught him.

“I am sorry. It wasn’t my intention to mock you and I accept your apology, though it isn’t necessary. I understand why you behaved the way you did,” and he truly did. Dean hasn’t told him much of what had exactly happened in his last relationship, but for what he had witnessed, it must have been a nightmare.

“You like him that much is clear. But don’t you dare hurt him Castiel; this time _we_ won’t stand aside and watch him shatter,” her words were as much a threat as they were a warning. They brought to mind the memory of Dean writhing violently on his bed, pleading with… his thoughts were pierced by an older voice and his eyes shifted from Jo to the stage.

“Good evening ladies and gentlemen! The Ardiccioni Galleria d’arte welcomes you, to the first of undoubtedly many more exhibitions, of the newest member of our family- the very talented Mrs. Gilda Bradbury. Let us welcome her and her molto bella fairies wholeheartedly,” a short older man greeted gleefully; immediately followed by a resounding round of applause to welcome a demure lovely young woman to the stage. The genuine smile on her lips illuminated her visage like a lamp a dark street as her eyes wandered around the room. And instantly grew into a mini sun when they settled upon Charlie.

Cas’s heart clenched and swelled at the exchange. Especially, when sparkling green eyes locked with his and rosy lips blossomed. His body swooned; the surge of feelings lifted his feet off the ground like helium a balloon. He was sure a leaf attacked by a gust of wind didn’t tremble as much as his heart did in that precise moment. Jo was still standing behind him when he turned around to face her. As he spoke, his gaze travelled to the face he favored the most.

 “I like him. I more than like him, and it is because of that I am incapable of hurting him. At least not on purpose, but I am not perfect Jo, no one is; we are human after all,” at the last word he looked back at her and smile softly. Leaving those words behind, eager steps took him away from her and closer to Dean; who was trying not to laugh at something his brother had whispered in his ear.

As Cas approached, he knocked Sam on the shoulder and gave him a chastising look. And then took a few steps to meet his friend. Immediately, he leaned in, close to Cas ear, “Everything okay?”

Cas tried to ignore the heat emanating from the handsome man barely inches away from him. He roughly managed to bash to a pulp the urge attempting to lift his cock. Except, that the dark scent trying to seduce his nose, coupled with the husky voice seeping effortlessly inside his veins; incited even more, the inferno he was hopelessly trying to appease. His hands clenched into fists and his tongue ventured to swipe over his lips. A glass of champagne was in order and regrettably out of site. The voices giving speeches and the murmurs in the crowd faded into dull sounds, leaving only Dean’s soft breathing near his ear. He swallowed nervously against the smoldering feelings swathing his heart and turned his face slightly towards his seductress. They wouldn’t have an excuse to be so close if it wasn’t for how crowded the place was. He relished it, despite his internal struggle.

“Nothing to worry about; Jo just wanted to apologize,” he replied in an undertone. Cas never knew eyelashes and freckles could be so fascinating. Dean nodded and his lush eyelashes fluttered; he was sure he could write a book long ode to them.

A clamorous applause made their bodies jerk away from each other and thanks to it their laughter was drown. After a few more speeches they were free to roam around and see the paintings. The group split up and Dean felt a bit guilty for being glad to be alone with Cas. But the guilt didn’t last long because like this, he could shamelessly check out his attractive companion. As they walked, their shoulders touched; each encounter was an electrifying shock to his senses, lighting striking the ground.

“You weren’t exaggerating about Gilda’s talent Dean. Each painting is unique and the coloring is exquisite. I can see why the Ardiccioni’s have her in such high regard,” Cas confessed as they walked to the next painting.

It filled him with pleasure and pride to hear sincere praises about his family. “I never exaggerate Cas. This mouth doesn’t do any apple polishing, I only praise the worthy,” after Dean said those words; the delectable smirk on his lips was quickly followed by a wink.

The action was an aflame arrow to Cas struggling heart. He didn’t need any another reason to burn. Cas wasn’t sure he could speak without giving himself away, thus he nodded and smiled.

When they turned a corner; an oil painting that didn’t belong in the sea of colorful canvases stole their breaths. A quiet gasp was wrenched from his chest and another reached his ears; he wasn’t the only one affected. Without exchanging words and just a side glance, they walked towards it with trepidation in their steps. It was by itself, touched by a ray of dim light. The closer he got the more his heart ached; his shoulder blades burned horrendously and his skin crawled. The fragility of his mortality hit him violently; leaving him frazzled and despondent. An isolating feeling embosomed his being; he felt as if a prisoner, forsaken by all.

Except, he also felt this _infrangible feeling of incessant love;_ it was like a zephyr, raking his insides. Yet at the same time, it was a devastating wind of fire searing him whole. For who knows how long, his body was a marble block- immovable.  

An angel, with extended raven wings ablaze, knelt nude on the ground in front of another man, also bare. The latter didn’t have wings, he was human. They clanged to each other, their bodies pressed together; battered and bloody. The head of the human lay on the angel’s shoulder while the divine being rested his cheek on the man’s head. Their eyes were closed shut and tears ran down their bruised faces as their mouths agape, cried out inaudible words. A flurry of feathers alight danced about; they looked like fireflies lost in the wind. In the background, stood a forest replete of tall trees and enshrouded in darkness. The waters of a calm river peeked through the sturdy tree trunks and shone faintly with the kiss of moonlight. Above them, the sky’s pitch black swallowed the stars; only the full moon bore witness to whatever had happened to the two men. Lightning bolts split the heavens as if they spoke God’s wrath. _It was punishment for disobedience against the Father_. An implacable and everlasting judgement for choosing human love over the duty he was created for.  

An earthshattering shiver ran up his spine; Dean swore he heard his bones creak. The painting in front of him beckoned every fiber of his body as if he was in a trance. He felt his soul trembled from the lividness of the skies and clearly heard the voice thundering down at the men; _sentencing them_. Each cut and bruises on their flesh, he felt on his; unrelenting pain fractured his galloping heart. It was an overflowing bundle of feelings he didn’t know how to handle.

Nonetheless, the embrace of the two men rippled relief throughout his body. The bloodstained hands of the men gripping so desperately at each other tore him apart. Guilt coiled around his heart like a crown of thorns. But at the same time, the immense love radiating from these tattered men made it swell. _Everlasting love, forgiveness, pain and sacrifice_ ; those words sliced him deeply and branded themselves in the light of his soul.

He only became aware of what he was about to do, when long fingers curled around his hand; stopping it in mid-air, a few inches away from the painting. An abrupt gasp heaved his chest as his widened eyes landed on disturbed blue oceans. A strange feeling made him yearn for Cas’s strong arms draped around him. He wasn’t used to feeling so affected by things such as songs and paintings. It seemed that since his near meeting with death, everything in him had been unsettled.

“Do you like it?” a gentle voice questioned and quickly, they turned to look at the owner. Cas’s hand no longer held his; no wonder his fingers felt like icicles.

“Gilda! Congratulations sweetheart, you outdid yourself,” he didn’t waste time and encased her in a tight hug; it didn’t do much to subdue his yearning.

A joyful laughter rocked her shoulders and made her eyes glimmer. After a moment, she spoke, “Thank you Dean, I am happy you are here,” she immediate replied as her eyes fixed on Cas, who standing patiently next to him.

“Gilda, this is Castiel Novak,” he had to stay his left arm; the treacherous limb wanted nothing more than to wind around Cas’s waist.

“It is a pleasure to meet you Castiel, thank you for coming,” as they shook hands, cordial words were exchanged.

“The pleasure is mine and _thank you_ for having me. Your paintings are stunning; the fairies look ready to fly out of the canvases. But I have to say, out of all of them, _this_ _one_ is my absolute favorite,” he confessed, allowing his gaze to travel back to the painting.

“Ah yes! This one wasn’t supposed to be part of this collection as it doesn’t fit the theme. I insisted on having it exhibited; it has a mind of its own. I called it, _‘The Fallen Angel and His Lover’_ , I couldn’t get the image out of my head until I painted it,” her voice and her face were etched with a peculiar feeling, it was difficult to describe.

Green eyes once again hypnotized by the dramatic image, memorized every detail. Without shifting his gaze he asked, “What’s the story behind it?”

Gilda stepped closer and stood between them; her arms crossed over her chest. Whilst looking at her creation, she sighed and then explained, “Well, it might sound crazy but, I dreamt it. One night, I woke up drenched in sweat and screaming; I gave Charlie a fright. When I finally calmed down, the only thing I remembered was _this_ moment. I think it was because it was so vivid. These two loved each other like no one else before or after ever has. The Angel rebelled against Heaven for his Beloved. Divine creatures aren’t supposed to love humans in such a deep way. When he didn’t heed his Father’s warning; his grace was ripped from him and he was made mortal. It was the punishment for his sin.”

Nobody uttered a word or breathed for the matter; it was a solemn moment, too sacred to break. After a few minutes contemplating the men in the painting, Gilda left them to greet the other guests. As for them, with one more lingering look reluctantly they left the lovers behind. The rest of the night was spent chit chatting, joking and laughing; yet in their minds, the lovers remained imprinted. A few minutes before the exhibition came to a close; Cas excused himself from the group and got lost in the crowd. When at last he came back, Dean was talking to Gilda. Blue eyes were particularly shimmery and a subdue smile lifted his ample lips. He on the other hand, wasn’t as merry; it was impossible to contain his pout.

“Why’re you so chipper?” he didn’t want to sound like an asshole, but he had a perfect excuse for it.

A grin so wide showcased Cas’s pearly whites and like magic; his ill humor subsided if only a bit. _Damn you and your brilliant smile, you little jerk_.  

“Hmm, nothing in particular; it has just been a lovely night that is all.”

“Good for you…, mine went sour when Gilda told me _the_ painting has been sold already.”

“Oh, I am sorry; I didn’t know you had liked it so much,” the sincerity lacing Cas’s words pushed away the remaining sulky mood. At least, Gilda had promised to send him a picture she had taken of it.

“Not your fault, ready to go?”

“Whenever you are,” his handsome friend briefly retorted.

A few minutes later, after biding goodbye to everyone; they were on their way to Cas’s house. Despite the persistent pang in his heart for failing to buy the painting; he felt content. He always did when he was with **_his angel_**. _Shh, it’s a secret_.

“Here we are sir, safe and sound,” he announced jokingly as he parked the Impala.

A gummy smile parted mellifluous pink lips. “Thank you Dean, I thoroughly enjoyed this night.”

Dean nodded as teeth bit the inside of his cheek. _Was it too much if he walked Cas to the door?_ Before he could act on his thoughts, a gravelly voice yanked him out of his pondering.

“So, when are you baking that apple pie you promised me? Don’t think even for a second that I have forgotten,” the teasing smile on Cas’s lips contradicted his expectant eyes.

 _Fucking shit! Why do you have to be so irresistibly adorable, you fucker?!_ He couldn’t say no to that smile that crinkled the corner of abyssal blue eyes, and scrunched the base of a perfectly shaped nose. Cas’s smile was worth all the pies he could make in his lifetime. Also, making one for his friend meant spending more time with him.

Dean turned in his seat; his hands mildly tremulous with the excitement coursing through his body. “Do you wanna come over tomorrow afternoon, around 6?”

Words momentarily evanesced from his mind, because he didn’t expect to see Dean so soon. His heart was dancing a ballad behind his ribcage. He must look foolish with his mouth agape. Cas swallowed forcefully and blindly reached for a few words before they made their escape.

“I…yes, I will be there…at 6.”

The handsome man in front of him nodded and the stars in his eyes shone. “See you tomorrow Cas, sweet dreams.”

“Thank you Dean; good night and be safe.”

After exchanging soft smiles; Cas got out of the car and walked towards his house. Whilst he opened the front door, liquid blue eyes wandered back to green ones. Letting go, even for a handful of hours was harrowing. Dean waited until Cas had gone inside, before driving away with his heart bursting with uncontainable feelings.

_Tomorrow I’m gonna to make the best apple pie in the history of apple pies._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I would love to know your thoughts on the chapter and the painting. I am thinking of writing the story behind it in a one shot. Would you like to read it? 
> 
> *Quickly hurries to write the next chapter* 
> 
> Until next time folks~


	22. ~To Your Lips, I Surrender~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their faces were so close now that their noses touched. His legs had spread unconsciously to accommodate Cas’s kneeling form. Breaths intermingled and the soothing cocoon around them almost shut his eyes. He resisted with everything he had, because missing a second of that gaze was a sin. 
> 
> “Please tell me I am not the only one feeling like this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, 
> 
> *A choir of angels singing* The moment we have all been waiting for. The chapter turned out to be longer than I had expected and it drained me a bit. I put my everything in it, I hope you like it. This is my Christmas/Holiday present to you. 
> 
> A deluge of gratitude to the lovely lost-in-my-dark-world for the amazing manips. They are at the end of the chapter because I wanted to wrap it up with a pretty bow.
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> Happy reading!

 

“How the hel---, heck, you managed to take these without me seeing you?” Dean was both impressed and surprised at his brother and Jo’s abilities to take pictures inconspicuously.

“I’m just good like that, plus you guys didn’t make it that difficult for me. The pictures are proof that when you and Cas are together, you forget about everyone else, and fly to your own little world. I can practically see the heart eyes,” his gigantor brother teased as he made a heart using his hands, and smirked.

“Shut up, Moose,” he tried hard not to stare at the pictures and to look indifferent, _but dammit, how could he?!_ Cas in a suit was beyond attractive; that damn man was irresistible in every way.    

There he was- sitting at his brother and Jess’s dinner table - mouth agape and bug-eyed, as he looked through several pictures of Cas and him at last night’s shindig. Sammy, the little sneaky jerk had unknowingly answered his prayer. Green eyes glanced up at amused hazel eyes, and he had to bite the inside of his cheek to avoid grinning like a fool. Of course, his brother didn’t waste any time and cooed at him- the asshole; however, he couldn’t be mad at him. _Now, how do I ask him to send them to me?_

“Aww, look Jess— he’s blushing, _how cute_ ,” spoke his brother in a ridiculous baby talk, whilst his massive body engulfed his. The brothers’ cheerful laughter bounced off the tan-colored walls in the spacious bright kitchen, and it made Mary Rose and Jess share a look, and follow suit.

“Idiot, get off me, you giant Moose. You’re heavy,” Dean complained, as he pushed his little brother away with a broad smile still plastered on his face.

“Papa and Unki D are so silly mama,” his niece’s sweet giggly voice declared with a toothy smile that illuminated her small, round face.

“Uh-huh princess, they sure are; the silly boys we love,” Jess’s steady voice, imbued with affection, could barely hold back the emotions clouding her eyes.

The boys’ faces were red and eyes watery; Dean tried in vain to rein in his happiness. His heart twirled and jumped behind his ribs, as if it was going through a sugar rush, and maybe it was. He didn’t even notice the somewhat shocked expressions and teary- eyed looks exchanged by his brother and Jess. It wasn’t until the laughter had abated, and their breathing even out, that Sam voiced his thoughts. Frappuccino had moved her chair closer to her uncle and tucked herself into his side. His arm automatically wrapped around her tiny shoulders, and he leaned down to plant a kiss on her head. For the first time in months— _no_ — maybe years, he felt whole. He didn’t want to jinx anything, but tendrils of hope have begun to sprout in his once arid heart. His musings were interrupted by Sammy’s strangely solemn voice.

“Dean, uh…you didn’t freeze or jerked away when I hugged you,” the comment was meant to be joyful and a sort of celebration, only, it stirred dark emotions within his soul.

 _How fucked up was it that a too tight hug, even from his family could send him into panic? Or that the sight of a small drop of blood could trigger him?_ **_But you are getting better, Dean,_** the familiar soothing voice of his mother whispered, and with it, the monster that threatened to maul his contented heart was forced back into slumber. _For how long? When would the next attack steal my peace? Will Cas get tired and leave when he realizes how damaged I am?_

“Dean, _Dean_ are you okay?” His sister-in-law’s concerned tone, and her delicate hand upon his hand yanked him out of his spiraling thoughts.

Dean nodded and gulped down his fears. His eyes flitted around the kitchen as if hummingbirds and the arm coiled around his niece, tightened a bit. _Calm down and don’t allow the hateful voices to reach you, breathe,_ Cecilia’s comforting voice murmured inside his head. He took a deep breath and tried to force a smile on his lips. Certainly it wasn’t very convincing, because the worried expressions etched on the two people in front of him, seemed to silently call him out on his lie. The hand on his thigh folded into a fist and he fought his feet to stay still. _How could a good moment turn sour all of a sudden and because of an innocent comment?_ The nape of his neck itched something awful and he felt his bones ready to burst out of his skin. He must look pitiful, and his distress must be screaming from within his eyes for Sammy and Jess to look so nervous.

_Home…I need to go home. No, no I can’t. I have to go to the supermarket and get the things for the pie. Cas…I need to bake Cas’s pie._

“Unki D, hellooo…Huggy Bear,” his niece’s melodic voice gently dragged him out of the storm inside his head. One of her little hands tugged at his gray, long sleeve Henley t-shirt, and when he lowered his gaze it met with big, bright hazel eyes, and an innocent smile. Instantly, the ferocity of the darkness ebbed; he hoped it lasted at least until he got home. Weariness had stitched itself in every muscle of his body, and he had to stifle a sigh from escaping his mouth. He had worried his brother and Jess once again; it wasn’t fair to them.

“Yes Pumpkin, what’s up?” he croaked, and immediately grimaced at the sound of his voice. _Goddammit!_

Because he was a coward, and shame colored his cheeks, he evaded the two pairs of eyes that stared at him heavily.

“Do you want to see my new fairy painting?” the excitement in her tone and the opportunity to escape from questioning eyes prompted him to nod, and hastily stood up. _Weirdo, I’m a lunatic_. He could punch himself in the face right now. _I should be locked up in the looney bin_. If Cecilia heard him, she would give him a long, reprimanding look, and then smile at him fondly. It will be followed by a list of “Positive Dean Qualities’, which she makes him, repeat after her as if he was a child. Then, she would remind him his reactions to certain things are completely normal, after the traumatic experience he went through.

Mary Rose quickly hopped off the chair and held his hand. They were ready to walk away; when his brother’s hesitant voice reached his ears.

“So, do you want me to send you those pics?”

A shower of relief awash his being and slowly, he let out the breath burning his lungs. He swallowed hard and bit his lips, as a rapid heatwave rose from the sole of his feet to his cheeks. Dean cleared his throat, and unconsciously his right hand went to his nape. _Dammit, I’m a grown-ass man. Fucking Cas! Nope, no, don’t think of that…shit! That attractive, smooth bastard, and his oceanic blue eyes, so twinkly and…ugh!_

“Uh-huh,” was all he had the guts to reply, whilst he wished he could disappear. The amuse chuckle from his brother, and the lively giggle from Jess made his head snap back up, and then he glared at them— _jerks_. They blew kisses at him and a wreath of laughter soon followed. Mary Rose’s hand holding his, squeezed insistently, and he decided to ignore the pair of jackasses having fun at his expense.

“Let’s go Caramel, we don’t want to catch the sillies,” his niece smiled and nodded; eyes full of delight as braided pony tails swayed slightly.

They had almost reached the stairs, when his brother yelled, “I’m sending them to Cas too, hope you don’t mind.”

Dean’s mind rushed to catch up with his body. In a flash, he was back in the kitchen and his chest heaved with shallow breaths. The pitter-patter of Mary Rose’s footsteps behind him didn’t pull his eyes away from his brother’s mischievous expression.

“Don’t you dare Sammy,” he rasped, between uneven breaths and thunderous heartbeats as he pointed at him.

“Too late,” Sam singed songed; a smug expression painted on his face, while he hugged his wife closer to his side.

“You didn’t… Jess, he didn’t, right?” at her nod; he groaned loudly and buried his flushed face in his hands.

 _Fuuuuck, this couldn’t be happening_. If anyone saw those pictures and notice his face, they’ll know. _Cas will know and…,_ he gulped and then muttered under his breath, “I hate you guys.” _Mom, your youngest son is a little shit_.

****************************

“Cassie, you should wear suits more often or even better, let’s go clothes shopping together,” commented Balt as he sat down on the dark leather sofa.

“No thanks, you have good taste in suits, but I am not fond of V-necks and scarves,” he answered in a teasing tone, which had everyone in stitches. The lighthearted laughter had shoulders rocking uncontrollably and eyes watery.

“You arses,” muttered Balt as an indignant expression colored his face. Though it didn’t last long and it wasn’t genuine. The twins flanking him, made sure his hurt feelings were quickly healed by loving kisses on his cheeks. A contented noise slipped through his lips, as he wrapped his arms around them, and pulled them closer to him.

“Ugh, you guys are vomit inducers,” Gabe muffled voice spoke, whilst he chew the last piece of the pumpkin cheesecake Tim had baked.

“Here we go again,” Samandriel said in a monotone voice as he walked into the room, and towards Cas. The resigned expression on his face as he sat down next to his favorite cousin, draw a fond smile on Cas’s lips. Azure eyes gave Alfie a sympathetic look, and a warm hand, a light squeeze on the shoulder. After a shared smile, they leaned back against the sofa to enjoy the show.

“You’re just jelly beans, Gabe,” Jacob immediately retorted and then winked. Right away, teasing noises ensued and smiles once again split joyful faces. The sight made his heart swell and vibrate with content. He couldn’t wait to introduce these amazing people to Dean; though he feared for his dignity. His brother and Balt would make sure Dean heard all the most embarrassing anecdotes.

A scoff from Gabe, sitting next to him, brought him out of his trance.

“Jealous of what exactly? Of an old fart and his sugar babies? Please, I have pride,” the plate in his hand, almost fell from his hands when Tim kicked his exposed shin playfully.

“Hey, watch it, Sugar Baby number one,” his brother’s left hand rubbed at the abused spot, as he muttered curses under his breath.

“You’re one to talk, when you’re _the_ sugar baby,” Jacob teased good-naturedly; dark eyebrows raised and the gummy grin on his face, made him look younger than he was.  

“I own a business bitches, so nope.”

“Not until a few years ago,” Tim voiced as he made a face, and fixed his short sleeve lavender colored t-shirt.

“And let’s not forget Kali gave you the money to start it…,” Samandriel’s sudden and rare participation in the childish banter turned all eyes on him. Cas immediately pitied him and by the miserable side glance his younger cousin threw him, he had realized his mistake too.

A roar of laughter filled the space; except for his brother who was pouting or Alfie, whose face had turned scarlet or him. His brain was too tired to follow every jab; he should rest before going to Deans’. _Dean…the owner of that name was a cure for all_.

“Har har, little cuz. Betraying your own blood, huh? Kali don’t give him more free yoga lessons.”

“Guys, stop being so mean to my Sugar Baby,” she chided; her tone humorous as she wrapped her husband in her arms, and nuzzled his nose.

“I’m not a sugar baby Kali,” the pout and whine in his older brother’s tone, made the corners of his mouth quirk into a tiny smile. This was the man, who more often than not, said to kill him if he ever behaved like a love-sick puppy.

Cas straightened in his seat and blinked away the sleep luring him into its arms. Reading until almost one in the morning, when he knew his little tyrants would wake him up at the crack of dawn, hadn’t been the brightest idea. Yet, he couldn’t help himself and truly didn’t regret it, because Neruda’s poetry was one of his weaknesses. _Does Dean like Neruda too?_ He wondered when a ping from his cell pierced through the momentary silence. Of course, everyone’s attention was on him now— _fantastic_. His hand swiftly reached for it in the back pocket of his blue jeans, and his heart did a series of pirouettes as he eyed the text.

 _Dear Christ, Sam was trying to kill him and Dean too._ Dean’s pure smile and sonorous laughter, his chiseled jaw and perfectly carved nose; his plump pink lips and the pronounced crinkles on the corner of his otherworldly green eyes, everything of his was the finest work of art he has ever seen. _Dean_ , with his deep-seated scars and innumerable cracks, chipped edges and unstitched seams, was a mesmerizing creature. And he would gladly go wherever he would lead him; he was a fish, and enthralling green eyes were the irresistible lure.

He was so deep in his contemplation, that he noticed too late when Gabe plucked the cell out of his hands. By the time he reacted, everyone had gathered around his brother to look at the pictures. A few loud whistles, followed by a couple of vulgar comments, and then some aww’s alighted his face and ears. In vain, he tried to snatch the phone out of Gabe’s tight hold. He groaned inwardly and exhaled.

“Wow, Cassie, your man cleans up well. Hmm, you did good darling,” Balt’s words though not completely true, because Dean _wasn’t_ ‘his man’, made him preen at the compliment. Dean was indeed, an exceedingly gorgeous man.

“He isn’t my man.”

“Not yet…anyway, what the heck are you waiting for? You should tell him,” Jacob’s words rang true in his heart, yet a tendril of fear remained attached to it. He chose to ignore the question, and instead sent a fervent prayer that this moment would pass quickly.

“He’s so handsome Castiel and he looks like a good person,” Tim’s comment alleviated the uncomfortable feeling that prickled his skin. Dean was a good person and…and probably his fear was keeping him from the relationship he has always wanted.

“You guys are so gross Cassie! Look at you two whipped pups, staring at each other like smitten teenagers. Yuck, I can practically see the drool!” his brother’s shoulder knocked against his, and he couldn’t wish away the small tug of his lips.

“Dean doesn’t look whipped,” but _he_ did; _God_ , no wonder Jo and Marina had noticed his feelings right away, and probably Sam, and that’s why he sent him the pictures. _Lord! And I thought I had a decent poker face._

“On a scale from 1 to 10 on how blind you are-- _you_ , my dearest baby bro, are a thousand. Your green-eyed hunk is as whipped and gone for you as you are for him,” the matter-of-fact voice in which Gabe spoke those words, overflowed his soul with hope.

 _What if it was true?_ They have only known each other a few weeks, but there wasn’t a rule that stated that a person couldn’t fall for another so soon. It was utterly unnerving, and he wanted to run away as fast as he could, but he couldn’t. There was this force inside of him, viciously colliding with his fear, and it made him want to risk his all, for this relationship he desired more than anything.

“You two look good together,” Alfie’s soft voice next to him cut through his anxious pondering. And he let his lips smile, albeit feeling weary.

“Castiel, your brother is right and I don’t say that often,” an annoyed noise from his brother and giggles from the others, dispersed the tense mist that had engulfed the moment. Her manicured, delicate hand reached to pat his cheek; the affectionate smile that spread her crimson lips relaxed his muscles a bit.

“Don’t run away sweetie, you aren’t a coward. Remember, he who doesn’t risk anything doesn’t win anything,” Kali’s confident tone coupled with her earnest gaze, infected his bloodstream with optimism.

 _I need to be brazen. Dean is worth all the risks. He has changed me for the better in a few weeks. We both have been hurt, but we can help each other heal._ That beautiful and kind man; so strong and fragile; so bright his sight blinded, was also harrowed by the shadows of his past. He was to Cas’s soul a brisk morning breeze and to his heart, the smell of fresh cut roses. Dean was the mirth in his steps and the smile that stretched his lips. So he decided, _all or nothing._

***************************

 _Rufus talks too much_ , Dean thought as he glimpsed at his watch. _Fuck!_ It was almost three and Cas was going to visit in a few hours.

He didn’t have time to waste, Cas always arrived on time. The reusable yellow bags in his hands brimmed with the ingredients for the pies. One pie wasn’t enough; he will freeze one and then, they could eat it some other day. The blush he felt burn his cheeks and ears, stole a tiny smile from his lips. It was ridiculous, how the thought of bluer than blue eyes and seductive peachy lips, made him bubble with delight.

But of course, the peace it didn’t last; a steel gray pick-up truck stole it. Whorls of fear and anger alternated inside his chest. His hands suddenly turned clammy, and the bags almost slipped from his grasp. Yet his legs were ready to spring forward and confront the bastard. This time, it was parked next to his Baby. He caught a glimpse of a crocked smile and a fancy camera, before the tinted window concealed the scared face. Before he could react, it was gone just like last time. Dean couldn’t even make his vocal cords work; _fucking coward, idiot!_ He said to himself.

His eyes followed the truck, but it was too far to read the license plate. The blood that rushed through his ears like a river during a storm, coupled with the off rhythm tempo of his heart, made even the loudest sounds faint. He hadn’t noticed where he stood, until an irritated voice, and an insistent finger poked at his arm. Instinctively he jolted and his eyes widened, and then he faced the sullen older lady glaring daggers at him.

“Young man, are you deaf? I have been honking at you for the past five minutes,” the lady might be old, but her voice boomed, and involuntarily made him wince. He noticed the line of cars and a few people staring at them, and then murmuring.

His mouth felt like cotton, and he could barely force a brisk, _‘I’m sorry ma’am’_ , through his clogged throat, before hurried steps took him to Baby. Once inside the familiar embrace of his car, he let out a long sigh that left him exhausted. His hands clasped his trembling knees, and he closed his eyes as he leaned back against the hot leather seat. _Please, please_ … he didn’t know what he was asking for, but he hoped whoever heard his poor excuse of a prayer, would know what he needed.

*********************************

Dean was thankful he didn’t need to think whilst he made the pies. He didn’t think he could anyway, and it disturbed him that Cas would arrive at any moment, because he was still lost in the darkest corners of his thoughts. His mind hadn’t stopped (unhelpfully), providing him with memories he rather drown in a bowl of black ink. As his hands swiftly covered with clear plastic wrap the extra apple pie; he practiced the breathing exercises Cecilia had taught him. The cool air flooded his nostrils and spread in his lungs; it carried notes of cinnamon, nutmeg, and apples, which soothed his nerves. His heartbeats slowly settled to an even and normal rate, and the noise that blocked his ears from hearing, dispersed.

He was about to clean the mess on the island counter top, when the doorbell rang. The calm his heart had recently attained was no more, but it wasn’t an unpleasant feeling. It was the feeling only Cas could unearth; the one that felt like his heart had grown hands, and was trying to split open his chest. His hands clutched the edge of the counter top and the towel, and his throat swallowed loudly. Another ring and he patted barefoot towards the front door. He took a deep breath, and shook his t-shirt to rid it of a few sprinkles of flour, and then he opened the door. Cas shouldn’t be allowed to wear those damn aviator sunglasses or the color blue. As it was, he was already drowning in abyssal oceans. He wasn’t sure for how long his lungs would endure the lack of air.

“Good afternoon _Dean_ ,” at those simple words, he melted like snow in the summer heat.

His name had never sounded as clean as it did on Cas’s lips. It sounded sacrosanct which was weird, because he was anything but that. Every time Cas said his name, he felt lighter, as if somehow each letter was gilded with blessings. The yapping of Chico, Mr. Pascal’s dog playing in the front yard pulled him out of his reflection. A few blinks and a nervous swallow, and then he stepped aside to let his friend inside. He bit down a groan of frustration; then dried his sweaty hands on his jeans and spoke haltingly.

“Hey Cas, um…I- I just put the pie to bake. I’ll take about an hour and half to cook.” He chewed his lips and evaded the inquisitive blue gaze scanning his face. Dean cleared his throat and made his way towards the kitchen. Cas stayed behind, taking off his shoes, and then caught up to him.

“Dean, are you okay? Is something bothering you?” Cas questioned in a low rumble.

If he could, he would cry; Cas shouldn’t be so attuned to his moods after just a few weeks.

He shook his head and swallowed through the lump in his throat. His fingers fought to clench around the damp kitchen towel, but he didn’t let them. Today he had woken up happy and excited, and then his emotions had betrayed him.

“I’m fine man. Do you wanna watch ‘Captain America: The First Avenger’? It’s old but I like it. Have you watched it?” he was babbling now, _shit! Nice job Butterfly._

His father’s stern and disgusted voice always knew when to surface, and strike him. _Goddammit_ , the whole thing with that fucker taking pictures of him, had messed with his mind. And he was sure that it was part of _his_ plan; manipulative and calculating as always. The face that flashed behind his eyes smirked, and looked at him with mockery, it made his stomach churn. _No, no, please…_ his eyes closed shut and he took a shuddering breath. His feet, hands, ears, and nose—every part of him fell victim to a cruel winter; that was, until he felt a pair of afire hands upon his own. Immediately his eyes flew open, and there was Cas, next to him and so very close—a hairsbreadth away.

His nose could smell Cas’s scent amongst all the others; the expensive cologne he favored, a touch of cinnamon and spices, and the fragrance that he had been born with. _Wasn’t it strange that he knew all of this in such a short time?_ It should scare him, but… _yeah_ , it more than scared him— yet oddly enough, he felt safe and comforted by it. Blue and pink— he could survive indefinitely submerged in those eyes and fused with those lips. He swallowed nervously and the blue gaze followed the movement, and then a pink tongue swiped over slightly dry lips. Dean’s own, wanted to chase after it; his eyes did what his lips desired. _I don’t think I could hold on much longer._ _How could he, when the paragon of everything he ever wanted stood in front of him?_

“Are you sure? You know that I---”

“I know,” he interrupted; his voice barely a whisper lest this sublime moment break. He was out of breath, but Cas’s breaths sustained him. There were these sparks in between them; he felt it on his skin. It was as if their bodies were invisible columns of flint bringing them to life. Cas’s hands curled over his and a gasp broke through his mouth— _this was it_. But it wasn’t, because a deafening ringing shattered the silence.

 _Dammit!_ _I forgot to put it on vibrate_ , lamented Cas. He knew this ringtone and his mouth turned sour. His hands refused to let go of Dean’s hands, but he was forced to do so by the insistence of the rings, and curious green eyes.

“I am sorry.” He reached for the cell in his back pocket, eyes still locked. A peek at the screen and his suspicions were confirmed— Sebastian. His thumb tap the ignore option in a flash; he switched it to vibrate and then put it away. Dean’s forehead creased and he knew the question before it rolled out of his tongue.

“Aren’t you gonna answer?”

“No,” he replied too quickly, causing Dean’s brow to furrow. “It’s---it’s a wrong number, uh they keep calling…,” he trailed off; he could no longer feel the tip of his fingers— he was sure icicles felt warmer than them at that moment.

“Oh, yeah, those are annoying,” he commented dully as he returned to his task.

While Dean cleaned the counter top, put away spices, and other left over ingredients; Cas took care of the dishes. All this was done in silence; a mix of awkwardness and the familiar serenity that always reigned between them. Despite themselves and being lost in their own thoughts, the furtive glances always found a way to link them. As if they were lovers whose affair was forbidden, and they had to resort to sneaky tricks.

Once done, they walked to the living room, but before Dean could reach for the remote, and set up for the movie, Cas spoke.

“May I look?” his tone was almost shy, the same as his body language. His eyes glimpsed through the dark curtains of his lush eyelashes, as his right hand rested on one of the sides of the rich dark wood bookshelf.

All the heat from the oven seeped into Dean’s heart and he was sure, it would burn down to embers. He carelessly let go of the remote and walked towards the dark brown leather armchair, and then sat.

“Go ahead,” he couldn’t help but smile at the joy that colored his friend’s features— _like a child’s_ , he thought. Dean leaned back and made a pleased sound; the chair was so comfortable.

Cas looked through the bookshelf with rapt attention; the pads of his long, elegant fingers caressed the spine of each book. And he though he heard a few approving noises escape his friend’s lips. His eyes followed every move of those fingers and every slight change of his face. A soft smile broke through Cas’s lips when his eyes settled on a certain section of books.

“So you like Vonnegut and Stephen King, Milton and Poe…,” his voice dwindled as his eyes and fingers stopped all at once on a particular book.

He knew which books came after the ones Cas had mentioned, and his teeth bit down on his bottom lip. Despite himself, he smiled a bit embarrassed, even though his friend’s back was towards him. He scooted forward and supported his elbows on his thighs; fingers interlaced and he rested his chin on them. Cas looked at him over his shoulder, his face was alight with excitement. Dean really liked how his face looked like that; eyes shining with delight, bluer if that was even possible, and a smile tracing crinkles at their edges and on the base of his nose. That smile was one of the best things in the world— at least for him.

“Did you break into my house and looked through my bookshelves?” Cas teased; his tone laced with humor and a certain giddiness that made him glow.

Dean’s eyebrows furrowed and his head tilted a little to the side. He had this unique ability to be the most attractive and sexiest person Cas’s eyes had ever seen, and at the same time, the most adorable thing to grace his sight.

“You like Frost and Whitman, plus all the other authors I like,” he voiced, as he turned to face the handsome man that sat on the armchair, and showed him the books. Dean’s lips curled up and shyly rested his forehead on his enlaced hands. A bashful Dean was a thing of beauty; it tugged at his heartstrings in a way that made his heart ache in the best possible way.

“Do you have a favorite?” he tried not to sound too expectant, but when he was with Dean, his usually controlled emotions were no longer his own. They ran rampant.

Spring green forests gazed at him and a sneaky tongue ventured out to lick fleshy lips. Cas followed it instinctively; he could feel the heat behind his eyes, consuming him like a leaf succumbing to fire. The pair looked at each other like usual, as if active volcanoes on the verge of erupting.

 _Jesus, this tension will be my death_ , Dean thought. _But I don’t want to die before I taste those lips, is it too much to ask?_

Cas _really, really,_ wanted to steal the spit-slicked rosy lips demanding his attention. To kiss him breathless, until they were both gasping for air. But they were taking things slow for both of their sakes, he reminded himself. Except that, he didn’t care for slow or caution anymore. He never thought that being close to Dean, and not being able to touch or kiss him would be this torturous. Honestly, he just wanted to say ‘fuck caution’, and finally let his desire take the reins, but he couldn’t— at least for his freckled beauty’s sake. Cas wanted to give him the control of the situation; Dean needed to make the first move and then he would follow.

After a moment of silence, he cleared his throat and asked, “Frost or Whitman?”

He snapped out of his daydreaming; his friend’s gravelly voice lured him out effortlessly. _I want you so bad_ , he confessed to himself, _caution be damned_. A quiet breath made its way out of his body and parted his lips a smidgen; he leaned back against the chair, his hands now rested splayed on his thighs. His skin felt pleasantly warm and his mind much more settled. Cas had the unusual power to pacify even the most fearsome of his thoughts. He was a darkness tamer of sorts.

“I like them both, but I’m more of a Whitman guy. His writing is more daring and sensual,” he uttered in an undertone, whilst he searched for something in the side table’s drawer. From the corner of his eyes, he caught a glimpse of his friend’s curiosity-etched expression. Cas turned to face the bookshelf and carefully placed the books back where he had found them. His eyes lingered for a moment, but immediately shifted when Dean made a triumphant noise.

His long legs brought him closer to Dean in a few steps. Cerulean eyes settled upon a somewhat thick hardcover book; white as the base color and grass green ivies printed around the tittle. _‘100 Love Sonnets’ by Pablo Neruda_ ; it was a translation from the original in Spanish. The grin that overtook his mouth was wide and unbridled; his heart rushed as if a startled horse. Dean’s lips mirrored his own; his smile was like sun rays piercing through dense, gray clouds.

“Are you sure you didn’t browse through my bookshelves?” Cas asked in a suspicious tone as humor laced every word, and lit his eyes.

“You have read his work?” he didn’t know why it surprised him; of course Cas would know of it— the guy loved to read.

Cas nodded and ran his fingers through his dark hair; the smile never left his lips. And Dean couldn’t for the life of him rip his eyes away from him. He was otherworldly brilliant and something inside of him wanted to reach out, and touch that light. His eyes glanced to the space behind the smiling man. Since yesterday, no— probably before that, he had expected wings to sprout out of his friend’s back. _You’re crazy— delusional._ He placed the book on his lap and swallowed forcefully. One of his hands went to clamp his left knee and the other to his nape; he almost flinched at how cold it felt.

Jadeite eyes finally escaped blue magnets, and settled on the book. These intermissions between their conversations always sped up his pulse. Thank goodness for the sweet smell of apple pie and its calming effects on his nerves. He could feel the weight of blue eyes on his body; it confounded him, how naked he felt _. It wasn’t his body but his soul, that without fail was always disrobed by Cas’ gaze._

The floor creaked as Cas’s feet approached and his skin prickled, yet he didn’t dare to lift his gaze. The air felt different between them, and he felt like a bird flapping its wings in the middle of a summer monsoon.

“Neruda happens to be my favorite poet,” Cas confessed; his hands rested easily on his hips and his weight on his left leg.

Bright eyes glanced up and stayed, “Seriously?”

Cas nodded.

“He’s my new favorite.” He shook his head in disbelief; his hands clutched the book as a way to contain his excitement. But his lips did as they wanted and curled up at the corners. The surprise on Cas’s face was undeniable; the affinity of their tastes was too much coincidence.

“Do you speak Spanish, read and understand it?”

At his friend’s eager enthusiasm, joy touched the corners of his mouth. His green and golden flecked eyes sparkled with interest, and a thought flashed through his mind. _Let me swim in the universe of your eyes, where the peace I yearn for lives._

“Yes, I do. I studied it in college.” Cas bent down to reached for the book and he handed it to him. Their fingers brushed slightly; a barely there touch that ignited a woodfire inside of him.

Dean marveled at how interesting the man in front of him was. He studied the book in his hands and then skimmed through the pages. It was done with such care, that he felt envious of those pages. _How would it feel to be handled like that, like something precious?_ He could almost imagine that delicate touch on his flesh. His throat felt thick with emotion all of a sudden, and he decided to quickly push those thoughts aside.

“Read me your favorite poem in Spanish,” it wasn’t a question or a plea, and it didn’t need to be. The sight of forest green eyes looking through long, luscious eyelashes, couple with a mischievous tongue that swept sensually over rich lips was enough to persuade him. Cas stifled a groan whilst his hands gripped the book desperately.

 _Dean was a temptress; an oblivious one at that_ , he thought as he dropped to his knees in front of him. Malachite eyes went comically wide and a pretty mouth agape. He felt the quick, warm breaths as they collided with his face. They smelled like crisp sweet apples, sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg. His mouth watered at the thought of savoring them each from alluring pink lips. Blindly, his hand laid the book on the elegant Persian rug, and then went up to cup perfectly carved cheeks. His hands were brazen, more than his mouth. It took him a moment to snap out of the spell Dean’s gaze had mesmerized him with. Cas’s fingers sizzled with the heat of the skin beneath them. He wasn’t certain he was breathing anymore or if his heart was even inside his chest. Everything had stopped in him from the inside out.

“If I say it in Spanish, you would not understand, and I _need_ you to understand.”

More silence.

Dean’s breath caught in his throat, but he couldn’t breathe even if he needed to. His body was made of beats. He could feel each of them at his fingertips and his throat, on the side of his neck and in his stomach—relentless as the winds during a hurricane. Cas’s gaze held his with an even more unfathomable magnetism than usual. He couldn’t feel anything other than Cas’s hands on his face or hear anything that wasn’t his quiet breaths, nor smell anything other than the scent of his skin. Even when the ample lips a few inches away from his parted to speak; the air around them, between them, didn’t break as it always did.

The words uttered floated out in a susurration. Each word delicately gilded and crowned with the depth of Cas’s voice. Whilst he spoke these words; blue eyes never left his and thumbs continued to caress his cheekbones. Dean wasn’t envious of the pages any longer.

 _Before I loved you, Love, nothing was my own:_  
I wavered through the streets, among objects:  
nothing mattered or had a name:  
the world was made of air, which waited.  
  
I knew rooms full of ashes,  
tunnels where the moon lived,  
rough warehouses that growled 'Get lost',  
questions that insisted in the sand.  
  
Everything was empty, dead, mute,  
fallen, abandoned, and decayed:  
inconceivably alien, it all  
  
belonged to someone else - to no one:  
till your beauty and your poverty  
filled the autumn plentiful with gifts. 

As the last word rolled out of Cas’s tongue, his heart constricted to the point of hurting, and then swelled like a balloon threatening to burst. His fingers twitched and his mouth felt dry. _Love_ — the entire sonnet could be subsumed into that one word. A thousand thoughts rushed through his mind, but he couldn’t speak. His tongue was a dead whale, inside the cave of his mouth. He was drowning in a midnight sky and flying in a tempestuous sea. Dean’s eyes stung and he didn’t know why. They read the words that moved ample lips, because he couldn’t hear but the sound of his blood—tidal waves inundating his ears.

Their faces were so close now that their noses touched. His legs had spread unconsciously to accommodate Cas’s kneeling form. Breaths intermingled and the soothing cocoon around them almost shut his eyes. He resisted with everything he had, because missing a second of that gaze was a sin.

“Please tell me I am not the only one feeling like this.”

There was desperation in Cas’s voice and a vulnerability foreign to him. It sliced deeply into his heart. _Wasn’t it obvious how he felt?_ _Hasn’t he given himself away every second they spend together?_

Dean shook his head, and saw the relief sluice over Cas’ eyes before it reached his body. His fingers itched; they were restless curled on his thighs. He felt the warmth of Cas’s forehead pressed against his, and all the air in his lungs rolled smoothly out of him.

“Would you like to be my boyfriend?” Cas whispered; his thumbs stilled on his cheekbones as did Dean’s heart.

 _God, am I dead?_ The breaths that tickled his nose and lips gave him the answer.

He nodded.

Cas smiled at him, that smile that made Dean weak from the center of his being. The one that carved crinkles on the corner of his eyes and scrunched his nose; the smile that eclipsed all thoughts in his mind, and he found himself imitating it. It relaxed every strained muscle in his body and unclogged his throat.

“Can I kiss you?”

 _Can he kiss me?_ Really, Cas was something else. _How could he ask that?_

“Don’t ask stupid questions,” he retorted in a hushed tone, as he seized the gorgeous face not even an inch from his.

As their lips crashed like two rivers merging into one; their eyes fluttered closed with one last glance. That first touch released electrifying sparks that made their lips tingle strangely. Electric currents traveled from the first contact of their tongues flicking on each other’s lips. They begged for entrance insistently, but at the same time gently. Their hands held onto each other’s faces like clamps; hot fingers pressing down against flushed skin. Warm breaths and saliva slicked their eager lips, and they parted at last. Both of their chests heaved rapidly; the sensations siphoned low moans and gasps from their throats. Tongues massaged against one another and taste buds brimmed with the flavors of their mouths. Hungry lips sucked at sensitive skin and playful teeth nipped at it. A few times, dizzy smiles broke through their locked lips, immediately followed by a wreath of giggles.

Time was suspended. He couldn’t believe Dean was his boyfriend and that such a man felt affection towards him. Each swipe of exploring tongues and scrape of sharp teeth over delicate skin was a miracle. His eyes were closed, but he could see his favorite freckled face clearly behind his eyes. Skillful fingers moved from his face and slither through his hair; up, up, and then a slight tug. A noise of pleasure dropped from his mouth and his own hands moved. One settled on the strong pulse of Dean’s neck, and the other crept up to bury in his short hair. His fingers moved in unison as they lovingly pay homage to the skin beneath them. He was witness to the goosebumps that rose on the warm and soft skin under his fingertips, as their urgent kiss unraveled whorls of lust within him. Intrepid fingers and intoxicating breaths, each other’s colognes and fresh sweat; clever tongues and teasing teeth, consuming sucks and thirsty licks—each was firewood for the fuel in his veins.

Dean couldn’t think and _who could blame him?_ _How can he be capable of such feat when his brain was victim of delirium?_ He had waited for this moment for what felt like a thousand years. And he couldn’t summon the strength to be embarrassed for the noises that wrenched from his chest, and colored the air. Cas’s lips were on his like a cloak; his tongue painting his mouth with his taste and his breaths giving him new life. His hands relished in the softness of dark hair— each strand, silk between his fingers. Dean delighted in the gentle tug of his hair by slender, careful fingers. He was no poet—no words he could speak, would ever express the extent of his emotions. Fancy words were not part of him, so he compensated by touch and actions.

Lungs burned with lack of oxygen and reluctantly they surfaced for air. Uneven ragged breaths heaved their chests and backs, whilst their mouths gulped and released heated pants. Green and blue gazes were once again exposed; eyelids were heavy and pupils fogged with desire. Each sifted one another’s eyes, as if trying to reveal their thoughts; their hands remained on each other— anchors that refused to let go. Little by little, their senses were released from the drug in their bloodstreams. Even so, they didn’t move away from each other, not because they couldn’t but because they didn’t want to. Their hearts trilled with wonderment of what had just happened, like when you wake up from a lucid dream.

Dean gulped; his breathless voice was the first to pierce the silence.

“I-I have, um, waited for this to happen for…it took too long.” A sigh left him and with it the tension on his shoulders. He wanted more; one long kiss wasn’t enough, _how could it ever be enough?_

Cas’s lips bloomed like a rose in April and his eyes swam in incandescent light; it was such a guileless smile, that his breath caught in his throat. He found himself grinning like an insane person at that smile, and at the tender fingers pads that traced his freckles. His skin was ablaze; Cas’s touches, waves of magma scorching every pore.

“Me too,” a gravelly voice admitted. “I have wanted to do this since the first time I lay eyes on you.”

 _Unadulterated sincerity_ — that was Cas— _his boyfriend_ ; it thrilled him to call him that. Every part of his being reveled in the satisfaction it caused. The confession shocked him somewhat, yet the feeling quickly evanesced. Enough talking; he wanted those lips and hands on him— _closeness._ But before their lips touched, the beeping of the timer interrupted. A groan filled with irritation rumbled in his throat and his Angel’s lips stretched with amusement. _Little shit_ , he thought before his lips brushed against Cas’s. A lingering gaze stayed them for another moment, and then he stood up. He stretched out his hand and Cas took it; his legs wobbled a bit, probably because of the lengthy kneeling. His other hand flew to his lover’s lower back to support him. Now he could touch and kiss him; he could memorize every line and curb. No longer his eyes had to flee in fear his feelings would get discovered.

“Thank you Dean,” his hands were surprisingly soft.

He just smiled and inwardly cursed the timer for its relentless call. They let go of one another and lazy steps carried them to the kitchen. Without speaking he went to the oven and Cas took care of the timer. Now that his nostrils were free from the aphrodisiac of Cas’ scent; he could smell the rich aroma that infused the air. He took a deep breath and his eyes drifted close; his ears register the quiet inhale beside him. _Cas and pie_ \- he couldn’t ask for nothing more.

“Dean, it looks delicious.” He will never tire of that voice calling his name or that honesty.

Dean turned to face him with the gentlest smile illuminating his countenance. Shoulder to shoulder and faces a hairsbreadth apart; _God do listen to fervent prayers_ , the thought sprinted through his mind. His hands rested splayed on the cold marble; they were as eager as his thumping heart to take action.

“It tastes even better, I promise. But we have to wait a few minutes for it to cool down.”

This was his chance. “Come with me,” he murmured as he stretched his hand for Dean to hold.

 _What’s going on?_ he licked his lips expectantly. _Holding hands_ — he hadn’t done that in years, it felt--- heart achingly new. They walked towards the sofa without uttering another word. Then his boyfriend turned to face him; now he held both of his hands, his thumbs caressed the skin affectionately. His lips began to part with a question, but Cas beat him to it.

“I have something for you in my car. Please sit down and close your eyes. I will be right back.” Cas didn’t linger and in a flash he was out the door. He did as he had been asked; curiosity made his pulse rise, he waited impatiently.

Dean heard the door click, keys jingle, shoes tossed aside, and then steady footsteps; with each, his heart jumped and quivered. And then came Cas’s voice.

“Open your eyes.”

A gasp broke free from his chest and he felt his eyes widen. His gaze shifted from the cause of his surprise to a radiant face. He couldn’t think clearly, but he spoke through his confusion.

“Cas,” he said in an undertone. “You-you were the person who bought it? Why didn’t you tell me?” Dean didn’t mean to sound accusing; he was just perplexed. _Did Cas though he would be mad at him for buying the painting?_ His chest clenched and it hurt at the thought.

Without a hint of hesitation his boyfriend spoke, “I wanted it to be a surprise.”

Dean’s eyebrows furrowed and his fingers rubbed at his thighs. _What?_ A sweet smile sprout on peachy lips and his eyes drank it greedily.

“I want you to have it.” It was a firm statement that overflowed with genuine enthusiasm.

His head shook, before he said, “I-I can’t accept it Cas. You like it as much as I do. You said it was your favorite.”

The smile never left his lips and when he spoke, it seeped into his voice.

“You are my favorite.”

Dean felt a tidal wave of heat spread throughout his body and his breath catch. Abyssal eyes glimmered like polished sapphires; they made his heart thrash behind his ribs.

“And I think it would look better mounted on one of your walls. Also---with this, I will have an excuse to visit more often,” the last part came out in a low rumble, as if he was sharing a secret plan. _How unfair to be so cute_ , Dean said to himself as he bit his lip.

Dean shook his head again and rose to his feet; his eyes noticed a flash of fear mar his Angel’s handsome face. One of his broad hands reached for the painting and grasped it. He felt the downpour of relief spread over Cas’s being in his own muscles. His right hand went up to cup a ruddy cheek and curtains of pitch black eyelashes fluttered. Then he leaned in and erased the distance; a fragrant aroma that was purely Cas inebriated his nose. It was by some miracle he could string his next words.

“You don’t need an excuse to come visit; you never had.”

His parched lips halted the beginning of his boyfriend’s blinding smile. And the sensations were so profuse that the frame almost slipped out of his grasp. But Cas’s hand crept down with precise agility and clutched his hand, securing it. His lower back sweltered pleasantly beneath his lover’s fevered hand. Dean’s hand slowly wandered to Cas’s slender neck, as their tongues coiled around each other. Sounds of pleasure kindled the air around them, whilst mischievous teeth nibble plush lips. _How could lips taste so good?_ _Did he taste as good to Cas_? He hoped so.

A particularly dirty moan tore from his chest and his knees buckled, when his boyfriend’s nose nuzzled his jaw and sharp teeth scraped his chin. He felt his nipples harden and the familiar flames in the pit of his stomach crackle. His cock was stiff and twitched in his pants, but he wasn’t the only one under the spell. Cas’s hips stuttered forward and their erections bumped; it elicited twin cries of pleasure, and shivers ran up their spines. Hands clung desperately onto the frame, on his lower back, and on Cas’s neck. He broke the kiss and their eyes met; the face in front of him was absolutely ravishing. Reddened, bee-stung, and spit slicked lips were slightly parted as they breathed in air. Midnight blue eyes veiled with passion could barely hold heavy lids, and a lovely flush tinted well-defined cheek bones, and trailed down his lover’s neck.

They both swallowed loudly, yet it didn’t feel awkward. It was a bit too soon to plummet into anything more, even if his body was willing. They shared a knowing look; it could wait a little longer, though he couldn’t guarantee it wouldn’t be in the next few days. After a moment, their breathing steadied, and he went to get the tools to hang the painting.

Silence had never been so peaceful and accidental brushes of fingers not ever have been as hallowing.

After hanging the painting they stood a moment to admire it; side by side without a word they honored it. Then he put the tools away and together walked to the kitchen. Dean grabbed a couple of desert plates and cut two pieces of the pie. All the while Cas’s eyes looked on with rapt attention, as if he was performing a miraculous surgery. It made his lips quirk— the boyish innocence of his Angel. They took their plates and walked back to the living room. Once there, they set their plates on the coffee table, and then sat on the floor. The movie played on the TV, but they didn’t pay attention. His focus was entirely on Cas’s mouth and the forkful of pie he savored. He felt his heart stop at the same time he held his breath; waiting for a verdict had never been so stressful.

“Mmm, Dean this pie is…,” Cas’s voice trailed off; his mouth and tongue still busy tasting. Dean hadn’t even eaten a piece of the pie yet, too distracted by his boyfriend’s pleased expression.

A blue gaze turned to look at him and the words came, “It is delectable. If ambrosia was real, then it would taste like this apple pie.”

Speechless and breathless, and overjoyed—he was reduced to those three words.

“Though I must confess…,” his boyfriend added and immediately his muscles tightened.

 _Cas hadn’t like it then?_ He felt his heart sink from the zenith of his chest to the cool floor; eyes downcast. But then Cas leaned closer; his spicy sweet breath tickled his right ear and he almost moaned.

“I like the taste of your lips best.”

The grin that spread on his lips was wide and the blush on his cheeks intense. His heart twirled and fluttered behind his ribs. He didn’t know what to say to that. Thankfully, his boyfriend knew him freakishly well and veered the conversation to the movie. They ate in silence as they watched TV, and afterwards washed the dishes.

They were sitting on the sofa; their hands entwined as they rested on Cas’s thigh, when his Angel spoke. “You are ruining me, you know? Your apple pie has awoken my sweet tooth. Did you bewitch it?”

Dean’s cheeks felt as if sand in the summer sun, yet he turned to face his boyfriend, and gazed at him through his eyelashes. A coy smile adorned his lips.

“What if I did?”

Their faces were barely apart now. He turned his body to face Dean and let’s go of his hand. Right away, he brought his hands up to cup his favorite freckled face. He leaned in and brushed their lips lightly. Their warm breaths blended and the scent made his head spin. Cas no longer knew where he was; if at Dean’s house or in a dark forest, but he didn’t care. All that mattered were the arms coiled around his neck and the fingers that caressed his hair. A myriad of freckles beckoned him and urged him to follow their trail.

“Then you are in trouble,” he husked and then continued, “Because you have awakened more than just my appetite for sweets.”

Dean’s breathe hitched and a sharp gasp teared from his throat. His eyes were no longer jade but almost pitch black, like a forest draped in the kiss of the night. It stirred feelings in him he thought irremediably lost.

They kissed and kissed, and kissed. Their wandering hands and fingers scattered loving gestures on their wake; over faces and necks, ears and arms, chests and backs. For today, incinerating kisses and intrepid touches were enough.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, what are your thoughts on their confession and first kiss? I would love to hear it.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Merry Christmas and a Happy 2016!


	23. ~Let’s Talk~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Nothing to worry about,” as he whispered those words, one of his hands rested over a derailed thumping heart, whilst the other cradled a burning cheek gently. The quiet gasp that fell out of a pretty mouth was a drop of oil to the lamp in his heart. Dean was so precious, too endearing for words. A firm, yet tender hold around his waist pulled him inside the house; how could human hands feel like molten lava?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends, 
> 
> Today is my birthday, so it's only fitting that there are presents. Enjoy this chapter; it is a mix of of angst and lovey doviness (I know that's not a 'real' word, but i like it). 
> 
> Happy reading! 
> 
> PS: We are getting were we want them to be, don't worry, it's coming ;)

**Chapter 23: Let’s Talk**

“Someone’s happier than happy these last few days. Did you win the lottery and didn’t tell me?” Jo’s humor laced voice questioned as she leaned on her elbows to look at him. He was so lost in thought he startled at the closeness; his eyes blinked with the same violence a flag did against furious gusty winds.

His heartbeats came off rhythm; drum beats deafening to his ears. The papers in his hands were almost balled-up, and his eyes felt so wide that for a fleeting moment, he feared they would fall out their sockets. Jo and Krissy stared at him with both amusement and mild concern; thank goodness no patients sat in the waiting room. He forced his hands to relax and freed the poor papers. The dark haired girl reached for them and began to smooth them free of wrinkles. A light smile sat on her lips as she shared a look with Jo.

“I-I’m the same as always,” the stammering in his voice almost gave him away; he used to be better at concealing his emotions. His intimate brush with death had changed that, for better or worse.

 _Dammit!_ At this rate, everyone will know of the new status of his relationship with Cas, and he didn’t want to talk about it with everyone just yet. Not because he was ashamed or shy, but because he wanted to keep it to himself, and enjoy it thoroughly for at least a few days. It was so new and delicate; so exciting and scary; he still couldn’t believe it, not even after pinching himself several times. No amount of scorching vivid kisses, which threatened to devour him, could persuade his brain to believe it was true. He hasn’t felt like this in years; like he was living a reality that wasn’t his, because it was too good to be happening to him. _Wasn’t that messed up?_ That he could accept suffering and pain, heartbreak and rejection easier, because he is so used to it, like a second skin.

“Uh huh…Is everything okay with Cas?” she asked with genuine interest and attentive eyes. His gaze flitted momentarily to the glass front door and he swallowed hard. He could feel two pairs of eyes intensely staring at him, heavy as boulders. _Shit!_

It was Wednesday; three days, _only three days_ since Cas’ confession, and he was already lost to the honey of his lips and the warmth of his arms. It was crazy; _he_ was a crazy man to allow the pull of Cas’s marine blue eyes to conquer his heart without resistance. But he couldn’t resist him— _no_ — he _didn’t_ want to, and the realization made him a bit anxious. He had trusted Andrew and it wasn’t like he was in this deep back then. Dean couldn’t imagine how betrayal would feel at Cas’s hands; those soft hands that had decimated every one of his defenses. He trusted that sweet man so deeply already, that no fortress stood in place to protect his heart.

“Yeah, everything’s good,” more than good and that’s what terrified him. Nothing ever goes this well for him.

 _Crazy_ —he was an idiot to bare himself whole, yet Cas was the same. There was not even a speck of malice in those eyes; not a drop of possessiveness in his touch. His lips tasted of sincerity and his tongue of devotion. Even if he resisted and kept a distance or accepted his advances; either way he would be afraid, so he decided that if he was to trust again, it was better to doing it while he enjoyed it. Cas was like no one else he had ever dated or befriended. He was different from Jo, Charlie, Marina, Bobby or Mr. Pascal; they were his family, knew them for years. They were strong roots that kept him grounded, existences that made him feel comfortable.

Cas on the other hand was like an April thunderstorm; unpredictable, surprising, and capable of producing devastating damage. He was a mighty display of lightning; a monsoon that unleashed heavy rain from the clouds; an earthquake that cracked everything on its wake. Except that, he was also a gentle sea breeze that lulled him to rest; the limpid blue which gave him peace and the downpour of feathers that soothed his aches. The man, who without him noticing now held his heart, was a confusing quilt of contradictions. Cas was everything his mind told him he didn’t want or deserved, but he was what his heart and soul pleaded for.

“Hmm, I’m glad…he seems to be a good person and most importantly, um,” his friend’s head tilted up and dark chocolate eyes caught up with his wandering ones. Soft, yet strong hands reached up to cup his cheeks, so affectionate and tender that his eyes drifted close for a second, as his mind effortlessly conjured his mother’s touch. He missed her dearly, every second of every minute of each day. The sound of her loving voice was one of the few things that kept him from succumbing to the quicksands of despair.

“Most importantly, you are more relaxed and happy; so as long as he keeps putting that goofy smile on your face, I will like him,” there was a promise knitted in her words and an edge in her voice, but it was out of love, so he couldn’t be mad at her. It was true, what she said; he felt lighter and his nightmares have recently given him some respite. And despite the fact that Andrew was keeping an eye on him; his joy for the new relationship with Cas almost overshadowed his fear and anger.

Dean didn’t have time to respond, because at that moment a couple of patients entered the clinic. But words weren’t necessary to convey his feelings; exchanged toothy grins that could compete with the sun’ brightness spoke much more effectively.

A dreadful thought flared in his mind and despite himself he shivered. To start this new phase of their relationship, the past would need to be revealed in all its ugly glory. His aversion to speaking of his shitty past felt like a calloused hand had reached inside of him, and clutched his stomach. Unwillingly, he tasted the bitter acid flavor that overwhelmed his taste buds, as the ugliness of his past clawed at his innards.

****************************************************************************      

Monday and Tuesday had passed in bliss; the excitement that flowed in his bloodstream an inebriating potion to his soul. Those couple of days had been a conglomeration of visits to Dean’s house, texts, and phone calls. Sunday night had been so perfect, that he thought in various occasions he was lucid dreaming. The shape of Dean’s body in his arms remained with him until he saw him again the next day. It had been a torment to leave him, to walk away from him, and those ethereal polished gems calling to him.

As his limbs moved instinctually to the ‘Kung Fu Panda’ theme song, his thoughts revolved around his boyfriend; _his boyfriend_ —only Dean’s name tasted better in his mouth than that word. _Finally_ , his parched eyes could feast shamelessly on the freckles that ornate his cheeks and nose; his aimless hands were now allowed to pay respect to his sun kissed skin; his fervid lips could pray to the chalice of his mouth. Dean unknowingly had sieged his heart until his feelings were exposed.

Cas’s body moved fluidly as diaphanous silk fabric against skin. He wished it was the same for his mind, which has been ensnared by Sebastian’s voice and his intentions. Another voice mail had stolen his serenity, and threatened to rob him of the joy he had been given. Only he didn’t let it, at least not completely. _How could he allow his past to intrude in this newborn relationship?_ A relationship that brought feelings of awe he had only felt in his childhood.

Except he couldn’t erase Sebastian’s words from his brain; they were warning bells prickling his flesh. His disembodied croaky voice was like a megaphone inside his mind. As he recalled the invidious words, a Gordian knot began to coil around his neck.

_“Castiel,” the way he said his name was the same as he remembered, but with something else he didn’t care to decipher. “You looked so handsome in that dark blue pinstripe suit. The blue tie, I’m sure brought out your eyes. The style was different from the suits you used to wear to work,” Sebastian trailed off; the regret in his voice was a quiet song. A moment of silence and a sigh, and then he continued, but by that time Castiel’s brain blasted with anger, concern, and disbelief._

**_Sebastian had followed them?!_ ** _He couldn’t believe that the person he knew had resorted to such a disturbing method. Even if he had stolen from him and accepted money from his mother to leave him; he had a smidgen of faith in his ex’s pride. His pondering was interrupted by the slight sharpness of the voice heralding a landslide of trouble. And his only thought was Dean, and how to keep him far away from the charnel house of his past. Yet no light bulb lighted up; only the burning touch of powerlessness singed every single fiber in his body._

_“That man you were with, who is he? A friend? Even from a distance, I could see a smile you never showed me. Do you love him?” a deep inhale and something that wasn’t quite a sigh rushed through his ears, and then a hailstorm befell his stomach. He found himself pacing around his room like an aimless sheep trying to escape a wolf. Not even the presence of his little tyrants by his side distracted him from the jagged pieces of broken crystals that punctured his nerves._

_“Castiel,” now the sound of his name sounded more urgent, almost supplicant; it didn’t jigsaw through him, yet he couldn’t help but feel a sprinkle of pity for the man. “I made mistakes. I-I was…stupid. I know I don’t have the right to demand anything of you, but please let’s talk. We both need it. Please.”_

_A shaky breath later and the line went dead; finally he could breathe again. He didn’t remember much of what he did afterwards, he went into automatic mode. That wasn’t the way he wanted today or any day to start, but he needed to be strong and not let it rule his mood._

The sound of a bell in conjunction with cheery hellos pulled him out of his thoughts. It wasn’t until he blinked a few times, and his eyes flitted around the dojo as if tennis balls out of control, that he realized the music had stopped as well as his movements. Awkwardly, he returned the greetings; he tried to smile but it proved a harrowing task. Guilt didn’t let itself wait; it plundered bits of happiness from him. An inconspicuous sigh ripped from his mouth at his fault; the dojo was sacred and he shouldn’t disrespect it or his students with his woes. As he was about to walk out of the mat and into the office to grab some water, his cousin approached.

“Here,” Samandriel spoke as he handed him a bottle of water.

The thin sheet of frost that covered the surface of the bottle was a welcome feeling, and he quickly claimed the liquid; it felt like a well needed pomace to his tattered thoughts. Whilst he quenched his thirst, a pair of clear light green eyes bore down on him. His eyelids shut close as if snow collapsed rooftops. He didn’t have the desire or the strength to answer any questions about the condition of his emotional state. At least not now, though Dean and he were due for a talk. And strangely enough, he wanted to have it as soon as possible—today sounded appealing.

The slight rustle of clothes and a barely audible sigh, tapped his heart; he detested to cause worry. “You aren’t okay and it seems you have decided to keep your concerns to yourself _again_.” The last word was said with heavy emphasis, which tugged at his cool lips—how selfish he was. His hands threatened to crush the plastic bottle they held, but he stayed them.

When he met his cousin’s eyes; the tension siphoned out of him and was quickly carried away by an invisible wind. Not a droplet of reproach contoured his features or gaze.

Alfie moved a step closer and his nose caught a whiff of his cousin’s lavender scent. Whoever saw them, and didn’t know they were related would think something else was going on, but personal space was non-existent in his family. That thought brought Dean to mind once again; since the beginning, they too had struggled to keep the proper distance, yet it had been utterly impossible.

 _How could his soul spill over with such inexorable affection every time he thought of Dean?_ All of it confounded him so thoroughly it frightened him. Yet he wanted to feel more deeply and strongly. How brazen emerald eyes have made him; he didn’t recognized himself anymore.

“I just want you to know that I am always here for you; we all are, please don’t forget it.” With those heart achingly simple words he had heard countless times, Alfie left him; God had been good to him in the things that matter the most.

Once again, he was ready to teach. Sebastian’s words still dashed through his mind; they inflicted injuries but they weren’t mortal. Soon he will have to confront the shadows, but for a bit longer he will prolong it. He wanted to continue to bathe unworried in the wondrous feeling called Dean Winchester.

******************************************************************************

As soon as he got out of his car, Missouri’s sweet voice carried in the air along with Pico and Henry’s chirpy barks. His eyes soon followed the trail of voices and his lips drew a small smile. It was impossible for him to resist the joyous grins that greeted him genuinely. Mr. Pascal’s eyes were barely visible because of the stretch of his lips. The more he got to know the people encompassing Dean’s life, the more he understood why they were so precious to him. They won hearts so effortlessly and tenderly.

He wanted to see his freckled beauty as soon as possible; shroud him with his arms, collapse their lips together in a day long kiss, and taste his flavor, but despite his desires, his feet took him closer to his new friends. His eyes glanced longingly at the house next door; the red door called to him like a red cape a bull. _Dean won’t leave, he will be there waiting for you, so calm down_ , he chided to himself. His mind understood and quieted down, but his heart was proving petulant.

“Good evening Missouri, Mr. Pascal; I am glad to see you,” the words flowed easily out of his mouth; each of them swathed in warmth. Sincere smiles, firm handshakes, and a kiss on the cheek were exchanged. He didn’t forget the little fur balls yapping at his feet; his hands quickly found the favorite spot behind the ears, rendering them silent. The smile on his lips widened and a quick thought flicked through his mind. Tippens would be a bit miffed when he sniffs him tonight; his boy didn’t like to share his affection, except with Mrs. Agatha.

“How are you honey? You look tired. Are you eating well? You are young, but you need to take care of your health.” The concerned woman in front of him made his heart ache; his mother has never been as attentive or maternal. Cas decided to push aside those acidic thoughts and rose to his feet. Both dogs made a displeased noise, and Mr. Pascal’s twinkly dark eyes and his blue ones shared an amused look.

“I am good, a bit tired, yes. I haven’t been sleeping well; my brain refuses to shut off when is time to rest,” a frustrated sigh nearly made its escape, but he quickly dragged it back down. Not even the long list of teas he had prepared or the aromatherapy had helped, nor the classical music and warm baths. He hated to be at the mercy of his past and his fear. Slowly, he was being pushed to the corner with no hope to escape. If he wanted peace, he had to confront his past and wrest the control he had given back from marble cold hands.

The sympathetic looks that came his way didn’t cause discomfort, yet he felt the scratches of guilt in his heart. “Warm milk and honey always helps me, or reading. Try not to watch television or use your phone for half an hour before you go to sleep. The light is too bright and stimulates the brain,” Mr. Pascal’s low voice had the feel of a rough tree trunk, except that his words were delicate buds flourishing as they reached his ears.

Cas nodded his head and then spoke, “Thank you, I shall try that.”

“I went to Deans’ a handful of minutes ago; the house smells better than one of those fancy restaurants. A new recipe, he told me, so go on and let him feed you. You’ll feel better in no time,” she must know something or at least suspect it, because her eyes were brighter than usual and her smile fonder. It made his being yearn for Dean more profoundly. If it wasn’t for the smidgen of logicality he had left, his feet will be walking up the steps of his boyfriend’s porch.

Before he could utter his goodbyes, Missouri spoke again. “Also, that painting looks wonderful on that wall. I think it feels right at home, like no other place would be as fitting. I wonder who else belongs there.”

Cas’s eyes felt as wide as his agape mouth, and momentarily all the sounds went mute. The knowing smile that spread thin, small lips reminded him of Wakamiya sensei. Both spoke such infallible words as if they were seers revealing what was to come. It thrilled him; it made his soul shrill; no rainbow paints the heavens before a calamitous storm has torn it down first.

He was still lost in his musings, when a warm breath accompanied by words he had preferred not to hear, broke him free. “Watch your steps and hold that boy’s hand tightly Castiel; rickety bridges are the only way to get to the other side.” The hand on his shoulder wasn’t enough to reassure him; his skin had suddenly been covered in a thick layer of frost.

 _Dean_ —that name was his thoughts.

As if a robot, he said his goodbyes, and before he reached the crimson door; he gathered his thoughts as best as he could, and forced his nerves to settle. A deep long breath brought with it the heat in the air and a mouthwatering smell. His fingers ran through his straggly hair smoothly, whilst the other arranged his black short sleeve shirt. When he felt a modicum of serenity dissolve in his bloodstream, he lifted his hand and knocked. This will never stop making his body vibrate with anticipation, he could barely contain it. In the time it took for his hand to rest on his side, the door opened and he felt peace for the first time today.

“Heya Cas,” ah—so this is what the ancients referred to as _nepenthe_. Dean is that for him, the medicine that helps him forget his sorrow. So fitting, so very Dean. Without thought, his mouth sprang forth a smile similar to the one coloring plush rosy lips. _For how could he resist the pull of those crinkles?_

He stood there as if a totem pole—unmoving, and his eyes lost in bright green and gold universes. _How could anyone even think of hurting such a lovely creature?_ Not even hell was punishment enough for such trespass. The unadulterated essence of his boyfriend, made his being feel impervious to torturous thoughts. This man undoubtedly must have magic of some sort.

Cas felt the touch on his flesh before it landed; if he were a leaf he would have shrivel. “Cas, are you okay? Is something wrong?”

He was lured out of his retrospection masterfully, as if he was a cobra and Dean’s voice was enchanting flute music.

But he didn’t have time to marvel at that, because the worry that sluiced through his lover’s voice was unacceptable. So he stepped forward and hover his lips on a scarlet tinted ear.

“Nothing to worry about,” as he whispered those words, one of his hands rested over a derailed thumping heart, whilst the other cradled a burning cheek gently. The quiet gasp that fell out of a pretty mouth was a drop of oil to the lamp in his heart. Dean was so precious, too endearing for words. A firm, yet tender hold around his waist pulled him inside the house; _how could human hands feel like molten lava?_

Cas didn’t notice when Dean closed the door skillfully with his foot; he was too busy imprinting his affection over freckled cheeks, nose, forehead, and a flawlessly sculptured jaw. _You need to talk to him, it is important. Stop behaving like an over excited teenager. You need to-_ \--, his self-recrimination vanished when mellifluous lips took his own with overwhelming zeal. After this kiss, he will do it; their talk could wait a little longer.

Strong hands squeezed his waist tighter, except it wasn’t rough. Thumbs traced his hipbones ardently and goosebumps blanketed his skin. His body felt like a hot spring; he could feel the sweat, dust his flesh. Dean’s scent had him so high, he feared an overdose, yet that was nothing compared to the taste of his mouth. Every suck of sensitive skin brought with it the drug of his lover’s flavor. Their tongues swirled in an interminable dance as teeth playfully teased soft lips. The sounds that sprang from their throats composed an erotic ballad, and they increased when his hands moved down his boyfriend’s taut back, and slowly crept to knead firm butt cheeks. At the same time Cas’ hands pulled Dean towards him, Dean pulled Cas’ hips towards his body. The contact was electrifying, like lightning striking lightning—it was splendorous; a force stronger than their restrain. The moans and gasps it elicited, broke the passionate kiss abruptly.

Their hands still clung to each other’s bodies, similar to vines around a trellis. Their breaths mingled as did their colognes and sweat; he hadn’t felt this rush in years, Dean was a powerful psychedelic. He didn’t have the energy to lift his eyelids, it had all been absorbed by that kiss; his heart was an offbeat drum and his ribs clumsy drumsticks.

 _Holy shit!_ Dean didn’t know how he was still standing; his legs were more cartilage than bones. _Fuck!_ A kiss almost made him come in his pants, it was unbelievable. Not even their first kiss had been so intense; thought it was the sweetest, most amazing kiss he had gotten in his life. But this one, this one was something else. It was urgent and a bit desperate; tender but needy, and it had an edge to it. He couldn’t quite pinpoint all the emotions, but Jesus fucking Christ he wanted a thousand more. The sound of Cas’ and his own shallow breaths filling the air; his fevered heat and the feel of his skin, and the taste of him in his mouth— it was addicting. His tongue swiped over his lips and at the taste his teeth bit down on it. A chill ran up his spine, and an involuntary faint groan darted out of his chest.

When his eyelids parted, his lips painted a smile on his face; Cas’s hair stood every which way and his eyes remained closed. Sumptuous lips were slightly parted and glistened with spit. Dean couldn’t resist the temptation of that face; he was only human after all, nobody could blame him. So he erased the hairsbreadth distance, and printed loving kisses from the dimpled chin to peachy lips, to a sharp angular nose and between the eyes to the mildly damped forehead. The well carved cheekbones were next, followed by the chiseled jaw, and then to finish his trail, two petal soft kisses were dropped on each eyelid. Long, dark eyelashes fluttered and brushed his lips; until that moment, he didn’t know eyelashes could kiss. It seemed that everything Cas, was full of surprises.

His eyes first saw the smile on those damn sexy lips, and as they traveled up and drown in blue lagoons; he heard the laughter that shone in them. A somewhat agape mouth nearly let a dreamy sigh escape. _Christ!_ Cas was too much; he didn’t know how much longer he could hold on.

“That was very nice, I really liked it. Thank you Dean,” Jesus help him, because that sandpaper voice was rubbing all the right places and he wasn’t strong enough. _Distance, distance…food, yeah, let’s eat. Coward, chicken shit_ , his voice singed songed mockingly, but he ignored it.

A nervous smile spouted from his mouth, whilst his eyes averted azure ones, as his right hand scratched his nape. “You hungry? Let’s eat. I tried a new recipe. Um, it’s called ‘meatball pasta bake.’ C’mon, I just got it out of the oven.” _Shit, he was rambling. What a loser._

He needed to cool down and distract himself; his body was a fire pit, and he could still feel Cas’s hands massaging his butt. But before he could turn to leave, one of Cas’ hands swiftly held one of his hands. A hard swallow moved his Adam’s apple and his heartbeats almost ripped his chest. Whoever had their ears on and was listening, please give him strength. Only that his boyfriend’s intentions weren’t the ones he had in mind, because marine eyes looked at him with a humorless edge. He didn’t like it and his mind urged him to run, but he couldn’t because his limbs felt like lead bricks.

Dean’s cold hands made Cas’s heart clasp painfully behind his ribs. He was almost tempted to forget about the conversation and continue the pleasant activities. But a stronger force inside of him stir him to continue with his plans; it was important even vital for their relationship. Distractedly he took off his shoes, all without letting go of his lover’s hands. His boyfriend’s extreme discomfort clogged the air and he abhorred to be the one to cause it.

“ _Cas_ , what’s going on?” if he could punch himself he would, because his voice was a pathetic sound.

“Nothing, I just want us to talk for a bit. Come and sit with me; I will try to be brief, after all my stomach can’t wait to taste your food.” A tight smile stretched his lips and he groaned inwardly; he was such an inept with these things.

“Ok…,” _oh God, please don’t let it be anything bad. What if Cas regretted his confession, their new relationship? What if he wants to break up? Maybe he---_

“Dean? Hey, are you okay?”

Cas’ concerned voice, oddly calmed him a bit. “Ye-yeah, I, I’m fine. Why?”

Ah, those eyes were chain saws and he couldn’t bear them right now. It made his brain dizzy, there were spots polka dotting the air. His eyes drifted to the painting on the wall, and as weird at it may sound, he felt a little more grounded.

“Because you are trembling and in the brink of hyperventilating, here,” gentle hands helped him down on the sofa and finally his legs could give up, and rest. Almost distractedly, his left hand began to rub his left leg; it had started to ache a bit. He lay back against the sofa and his shoulders relaxed. Cas still held his right hand and slight sweat coated them, it should feel gross, except it didn’t. He had never yearned for skin to skin contact as much as he did now. Water—his throat craved the liquid like plants did in the middle of a drought. Only he couldn’t stand, even if he wanted to.

Careful fingers brushed his cheek and he glanced up; _who needed words when sapphire eyes spoke so clearly?_ He wasn’t worthy of everything they showed, yet he thirsted for it all, up to the point of hurting.

“Shh, what I have to tell you isn’t so grave. I just think it is important to tell you about my past relationship. It marked me and I think you should know why. You don’t have to tell me anything about… _him_ , if you don’t want to. I will never force you to do anything you don’t want; I _need_ you to understand that,” jadeite eyes sifted his own undeterred and he let them; he had nothing to hide. If that’s what Dean needed, he would do it until they both couldn’t keep their eyes open any longer.

After a long moment, he continued, “Now stay here and I will go get you a glass of water. Do you need anything else?” he wanted to erase that tumultuous look off Dean’s face forever. Cas couldn’t fix his lover’s past or vanish his nightmares nor slay his demons, but he could at least be there for him and support him. He could love him so much that by his love Dean could learn to love himself.

Without a word, Dean shook his head and Cas left for the kitchen. As he left, so did the heat in his body; a blizzard surrounded him and his bones rattled. Thank goodness for the throw blanket he kept nearby. Almost blindly he reached for it and threw if over his shoulders. The flimsy gray t-shirt and plaid pajama pants weren’t warm enough to abate the cold that had seeped inside of him. In what felt like a century, his blue-eyed angel came back and brought with him much needed warmth. With mildly tremulous hands, he held the glass of water and consumed every last drop. He felt somewhat calmer, but what was to come made his skin prickle ghastly. Cas said he didn’t have to talk and that was a relief, yet he knew he couldn’t escape it forever. It was better to get it done and over with, and despite the worry it caused him to talk about his own past; he also felt a dreadful feeling about his boyfriend’s own revelations.

After setting the glass on the coffee table, his lover held both of his hands in a soothing cradle. “Do you feel better?”

Another hard swallow and he nodded; no words could breach his lips, they were sealed with glue made out of fear and shame. As he was about to turn his head, a delicate touch guide him back to face a gorgeous face. Soon, ample lips leaned forward and branded a hallowing kiss to his forehead; it lingered. _So this is what it felt like to be cleansed of heavy thoughts_. His eyelids fluttered close at the same time their foreheads rested against each other. After a few deep breaths, his breathing had adjusted to Cas’s steady one. Even though fear ran rampant throughout his being, he felt stronger than a few moments ago.

Facing one’s past and speaking of it was never easy; it left you vulnerable and raw, but his mother’s voice encouraged him lovingly, albeit firmly. _Dean, my sweet boy, don’t be afraid; I am with you. You need to do this, it will unchain you. Cas won’t judge you. I love you._

The time had come to fight the war to free his soul.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> Thanks for reading :D


	24. ~Between Shadows and Light~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My ex, his name---,” his words were swiftly intercepted by unbound lips that fuse their mouths together. Such warmth and softness, he had rarely felt before Dean. Their eyes locked on each other and peridot gems enticed him through heavy eyelashes. Father Almighty, Dean must know what that look does to me—how dangerous he is. 
> 
> An imperious tongue flicked insistently over the seam of his lips; it demanded entrance with the confidence of a queen. God, they needed to talk; his mind was firm, but his body and heart were infidels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy guys,   
> I have a cold, boo-boo *Pouts*
> 
> The time to talk about serious stuff has come, but not without a pleasant detour ;)
> 
> Happy reading honeys!

 

Their hands were still enlaced; they fitted so well together, as if they had been shaped with the same mold. He wished his hands were warmer, so they could heat Dean’s frigid ones; yet no searing temperature seemed capable of soothing the intense cold that had wrapped itself over his boyfriend’s body. At least he was grateful that his lover’s breathing had evened out, now it matched his own, and the knowledge of it effervesced inside his heart. Dearly loved forests remained hidden behind veiny eyelids, and he took the time to admire the delicate features of a lovely handsome face. The sharp contours of expertly carved jawbones and cheek bones, as well as the slightly thin eyebrows; the careful round slope of his nose and the almost heart-shape of his chin; the two day old scruff that had settled attractively on his jaw and the few worry lines on his perfectly sized forehead. Soft long curtains fluttered gracefully in a barely noticeable movement, and an urge to see what they veiled awash over him. Each adornment served to enhance what was already flawless in his eyes.

Everything of this strong and vulnerable man in front of him enthralled his soul. _How could it not?_ After being hurt by the mendacity of people and their perfidiousness, he thought he would sempiternally be alone. But that had all changed when he met Dean’s soul through his maddening green and golden eyes. It may sound ludicrous to the skeptics, but he had never, not even once felt as at home than when he was submerged in that ineffable gaze. In front of that gaze, he felt bare— heart, body and soul; it was so pure, he found himself wonderstruck every time it settled upon his. The day he met Dean was a serendipitous epoch in his life. He had changed so much in a little over three weeks; all of it at the hands of a man who believed himself damaged, but who he saw as righteous. As he looked back at the past him, even before Sebastian and the mess that came with that relationship, and after it; he saw himself as a leaf drifting in the current of a roaring river.

He was still counting batches of star dusted freckles when in slow motion, eyelids parted and once again gave life to his world. His breath caught at the guileless look in those splendorous eyes and his hands tightened instinctively. In his mind, he heard Missouri’s unassailable words: _‘Watch your steps and hold that boy’s hand tightly Castiel; rickety bridges are the only way to get to the other side.’_ Those oracle-like words unearthed a mighty chill from the depths of his body, and he didn’t know exactly why. She couldn’t possibly know what was to come or what was going on in his life. Regardless, he felt the cataclysmic lacerating edge of her forewarning as a palpable thing. Its steps were barely audible, but eventually they would become deafening. But for now, he will set those worries aside and deal with what he could control. For now, he will hold broad hands which were his paddles in turbulent waters; share his body heat with a statuesque masterpiece, and speak some words that will unburden him somewhat.

Dean never thought he would welcome someone’s stare as much as he did Cas’. His insides were made of marble and they felt just as cold, but his skin was slowly coming back to life by his angel’s boiling touch. He had spent long days and nights cloaked in the embrace of harsh blizzards. The prayers he said during those times still floated in his mind; so much begging, so much pain—it was a relief to think of death and greet the darkness. But now, _now_ he saw hope; it was a small pearl, so fragile yet its light was dazzling. A sigh slithered up his throat, but thank goodness he swallowed it back down in time.

_Damn, he was so freakin’ whipped it was insane. How could it have happened so soon?_ Just like the rain seeps effortlessly inside the cracked earth, Cas had done so inside his heart. _Jeez, he wasn’t like **this**_ ; abyssal eyes had turned him sappy and the worse part was he didn’t care. He could write a thousand sonnets about Cas and what he makes him feel, and still it wouldn’t be enough. Suddenly a fear so intense seized his heart; _what would become of me if I fall even more?_ One thing he knew for sure, he won’t let go of these hands willingly.

His eyes followed the movement of sensual lips forming words as if he was in a trance. The desire of his tongue for the sweetness of that mouth, made it swipe hungrily over his own parched lips. He wanted to taste his boyfriend so desperately, that his mouth watered despite the efforts of his mind to keep him logical.

“My ex, his name---,” his words were swiftly intercepted by unbound lips that fuse their mouths together. Such warmth and softness, he had rarely felt before Dean. Their eyes locked on each other and peridot gems enticed him through heavy eyelashes. _Father Almighty, Dean must know what that look does to me—how dangerous he is._

An imperious tongue flicked insistently over the seam of his lips; it demanded entrance with the confidence of a queen. _God, they needed to talk_ ; his mind was firm, but his body and heart were infidels. Languidly, he let his lips part, yet Dean didn’t continue his tidal wave attack. On the contrary, he put a hairsbreadth between them and there they remained immovable. Their slight ragged breaths coupled with the bare touch of their lips; the tinted ruddy appearance of freckled cheeks and the mixed scent of their colognes and breaths, as well as their hands slowly moving up muscled arms, necks and hair; everything contributed to the inevitable landslide that threatened to excavate their lustful desires.

“One---one kiss and then we can talk,” the puffs of warm air that caressed his impatient lips weren’t what liquefied every bone in his body; it was that passion ridden voice that sounded like gravel.

Cas’s throat pushed forth an agreeable sound and his right hand began to massage his lover’s left leg, whilst his left hand tenderly imprinted loving touches on his neck. Tendrils of arousal began to take shape, but he tamed them hastily. He waited, until alluring lips ate the distance and a rainfall of silk covered his own. Dean’s hand expertly claimed his chest and hair. One smoothed up and down his chest as if trying to paint it, while the other tugged gently at his mussy locks. Every touch was a geyser throwing forth whorls of unruly want. And as their lips coalesced in an inflammable kiss, he pulled his freckled beauty to his lap. Dean went easily in a graceful move that connected their afire bodies. They were clothed, yet in the whirlwind of their affections it felt as if they were bare.

“Mmm, ah,” in between their tongues fiery dance and the urgent sucks at tender skin; Dean’s soft moans incinerated the air.

Deft fingers ran wildly through his hair and suddenly tugged with slight force, and a low growl unearthed from his chest. “God, _Dean_ …you are driving me insane.” Each word marked by playful teeth nipping at lips, jaw and chin.

“Ahhh, Cas, _Cas_ ,” _Lord Christ_ , his boyfriend’s rhapsodic chant had his cock straining. But who could fault him, when sensuous hips swayed against his crotch intemperate.

The relentless movements and the desirousness for his lover, made his right hand slid up from a taut thigh, and sneak inside a gray t-shirt where it touched fevered skin. It spidered up, up, until it reached a pert nipple and quickly dexterous fingers rubbed it, and pulled at it gently. At the touch, a shiver overtook the body astride on his lap, and broad hands tightened on his hair and shoulder. Lust colored green eyes fluttered closed as muscles tensed; a drawn out moan made its way out of bee stung lips, and its sound felt like climbing vines forcibly dragging out his own orgasm. Thankfully, he had just enough control to rein it back, though the effort made him clutch Dean to his chest frantically.

_Oh fuck, fuck, fuck…shit! I came in my pants; ugh…_ He needed Harry’s invisibility cloak ‘cause he wanted to disappear right now _. Crap, Cas must think I’m pathetic_. His chest heaved rapidly and all that could be heard were Cas’ and his own shallow breaths. All of a sudden, his mind cleared when he felt strong arms wrapped around him, as his boyfriend’s forehead rested heavily on his shoulder. Heated puffs of breaths tickled his neck, whilst a nose nuzzled at his flushed skin. Meanwhile, his arms engulfed his angel in a bone crushing embrace that ought to hurt a little. Lazily, he opened his eyes and was surprised at a raspy voice’ plea.

“De-Dean, please…don’t move or…” _Oh Jesus!_ A self-satisfying smile bloomed on his tingling lips as it dawned on him that his man was barely holding back his own orgasm.

Nuh-uh, he wasn’t gonna to be the only one to be embarrassed and to enjoy a delicious climax. The electrifying feeling still boiled the blood in his veins and he wanted Cas to feel the same. He hadn’t come so fast in his life; it made his body tremble to think of going all the way with his boyfriend. If he felt like he was coming undone just by the work of those wicked hands; he could only imagine how overwhelming it would feel to be the sole receiver of all his meticulous attentions.

Without uttering a word he rolled his hips, and a chocked sound mixed with a growl bounced off the walls. The hold on him tightened even more, but the unexpected realization that he didn’t flinch at the force of it brought forth waves of relief. Yet the sharp bite on his collarbone, while it made his dick twitch in pleasure, also made him jolt. At that, a hasty alluvion of kisses and soothing touches were immediately dispensed on the spot. His heart couldn’t feel fuller; even without eye contact, the apologies awash over him in exorbitant quantities. It was enough to push the embarrassment aside, and command his hands to cradle the handsome face that has become his favorite.

“Hey, you okay there buddy?” Dean didn’t like it, to be denied of his favorite shade of blue. His thumbs traced dark eyebrows and artfully sculptured cheek bones, in an effort to persuade deep blue seas to open. “Cas? C’mon angel, look at me. Please.” And that was all he needed to get his sky back.

“I apologize, I-I am so sorry Dean. I hurt you.”

Oh man, _now_ he was officially gone for good. The amount of guilt and regret in that gaze almost crushed him with its weight. It made his heart clasp behind his ribs and ache with a want that wasn’t sexual. _He wanted forever with Cas._ His eyes were instantly waterlogged and his throat rendered useless by the riot of his feelings. The only thing he could manage was to shake his head and rip his eyes from unfathomable ones. A kiss that felt like a branding iron begged for forgiveness once again; the whine that made it out of his lips shut his eyes. Dean needed space; he needed to go and rid himself of tears.

Carefully, he untangled his unwilling body from warm arms; the physical pain he felt as he did it, wrenched harrowing breaths from his chest. Once on his feet, he swallowed forcefully, licked his lips and rubbed his hands on his sides. “Don’t look at me like that…I’m fine,” dammit, he didn’t like this, _why their sublime moments more often than not suddenly turn sour?_

_Because you are pitiful and so weak; don’t you see? He treats you like the broken goods you are_ , Andrew’s voice singed songed mockingly from the darkest part of his mind.

His nails dug in his clammy palms as if splinters, whilst skeptic eyes scrutinized him whole. A gelid wind froze him in place and his eyes were claimed by a concerned look. Cas was by his side before he took his next breath; rapidly his comforting hands reached blindly for his clenched ones. As his lover took his hands he caressed them, effectively making them pliant. A chaste kiss crowned his forehead and another gilded his lips. At a snail’s pace his breathing evened out and steadied; he was now sure that Cas’s lips were one of the cures to his internal freak outs.

“Dean, I don’t know what you did to me, but you are spreading throughout my being like a sickness. In my veins, you burn and consume me. I fear I can’t ever be cured.” In his thirty four years of existence, he had never felt as defenseless as he did at this moment. Love has never taken a hold of him as strongly as it had done so now. And if he had felt so devastated when Sebastian betrayed and left him; he _knew_ he would be irreparably damaged if Dean were ever to do that.

No words were spoken for a long moment; only their hands entwined and their foreheads pressed against each other, transmitted unsaid messages. A slight movement and a hard swallow broke the silence spell, and then a husky voice followed, “Then that makes two of us Cas, and I hope you never find a cure, because I don’t think I ever will.”

Once again they were lost in auroras of blue and green, as the echo of those words traveled to their hearts and made its home there. Sharp teeth released his lips and his relieved grin painted an identical one on his lover’s plush lips. Dean’s name was embroidered in the hems of his soul, and despite his fear, he reveled in the feeling of his reciprocated feelings.

After relishing the said words and photographing Dean’s beaming face to recall it when they were apart; his boyfriend spoke again scrunching his nose. “Now let’s go and change, I feel yucky. You can use the bathroom down here or the guess bathroom upstairs. I’ll lend you some undies,” as he said the latter; an impish smirk curled his lips, quickly followed by a lascivious swipe of his tongue, and a heart stopping wink.

Cas didn’t even have time to react, because when he finally regained his senses, his beautiful boyfriend was gone. He immediately went to the half-bathroom and began to clean the mess Dean’s bold hips had caused. His lover was surreal; he had this luminescence to him that felt divine and it made Cas want to look at him unblinking. After cleaning the spunk from his privates, he waited half naked for the clean underwear. He didn’t have to wait long; after a few minutes, a gentle knock on the door claimed his attention and swift hands answer it.

“Here you go freshly laundered undies. You can leave yours in the basket; I’ll do laundry tomorrow,” Dean’s confident voice matched his countenance, yet the blush upon his cheeks betrayed him. Though he shouldn’t be one to talk, because he felt heat boil inside his chest, and spread from his neck to his ears, when emerald jewels voraciously eyed his naked right side. As he reached for the pair of gray boxer briefs, he felt his veins had become wires conducting electricity. And when their fingers brushed, the sparks came alive on their skin. They both jolted in shock, but straightaway a garland of boisterous laughter resonated throughout the house. When they finally caught their breath and gained composure; his freckled beauty gave him one last resplendent smile, and walked off towards the kitchen.

When Dean finished putting the pasta back in the oven; he took a long deep breath and headed to the living room. He gulped with dread when the quiet sounds of his angel’s footsteps approached. Fidgety hands fussed with the fringes of the throw blanket, whilst his toes moved aimlessly on the cool floor. His heart was an erratic galloping mess knocking against his threadlike ribs. Suddenly, he felt haunted by all the past negative words, feelings, and emotions, rough touches and hateful looks; they had managed to weave themselves together to make an unbreakable rope that tied around his neck. He was aware of the weight that sunk next to him and the warmth calling at his flesh. Except, he couldn’t face those eyes, not at that moment when he felt like a castle made out of playing cards— one soft blow and he would topple.

Dean’s body language slaughtered his heart; each minuscule movement a shard of glass lodging in his throat. His hands itched to hold tremulous ones between his own, but his lover had manifested his desire for space. Not wanting to avoid this bilious moment any longer, he began to voice his past, but not before enlacing his fingers to stay them from seeking familiar ones.

“My ex-boyfriend’s name is Sebastian,” from the corner of his eyes he saw Dean’s hands clench slightly, but continued, “We dated for a bit over two years. I can’t say everything was bad, but there were a lot of things that weren’t right. He was transitioning from female to male when I met him. The twins prompted by Balt introduced us. I had been alone for a long time and they didn’t want me to be by myself anymore,” he sighed and ventured a glance at his lover. Green eyes still refused to grace him with their splendor, and the tense expression marring his favorite sight scratched at his eyes with malice. He had already started and it was important that he finishes.

“We moved in together after a few weeks,” at that, a wide jadeite gaze bore down on him, yet no words passed rosy lips. A rueful smile tugged his lips at the same time he shrugged and tilted his head to the side. “I know it isn’t an excuse, but I was feeling frightfully lonely. Balt had the twins, Gabe had Kali, and Samandriel…well, he was busy with school and his own life,” an understanding and almost empathetic look crossed Dean’s eyes, and his nerves were mildly soothed.

“He is a police officer, so his shifts were erratic and I worked a 9-5 job that I hated. The luster of the first few days quickly disappeared and I met the real Sebastian,” Cas said this with such a defeated look on his face that Dean wanted to drape himself over his boyfriend, and drive away everything ugly that dare touch him. Yet despite himself, he didn’t do it because the determination that glinted in stormy blue eyes discouraged him.

Dean knew he was being kind of an asshole for not facing Cas, but side glimpses would have to do for now. Each word from his man’s mouth filled the air with acrid smoke.

“But I was at fault too, I tend to hover around and fuss too much over the people I care about,” a short pause and long fingers lost themselves in a nest of dark locks. “I have done it with you and we have only known each other for three weeks…,” the downcast eyes and hunched shoulders; the dwindled voice and trepidatious air surrounding Cas were heart achingly familiar, and he hated it. It made his stomach churn violently and bile flooded his mouth. Before he could do anything to show his support, more words greeted the air.

“I was at fault, because I knew things weren’t going well and despite that I didn’t voiced my thoughts. I was a coward and I let my loneliness hurt everyone,” the matter-of-fact voice speaking words that crackled with shame, pierced inside Dean’s chest like icy spikes. He knew the feeling intimately; he had been there and done that, but for some reason knowing that Cas felt that way made him incredibly sad. But once again, he didn’t have time to lift his hand and placed it on his lover’s shoulder to comfort him like he wished. Not even his vocal cords wanted to cooperate with him. So he waited and listened, when all he wanted to do was steal peachy lips and hear a dulcet laughter.

God help him, because the distance between Dean and him thought mere inches, was too great. _Father, don’t let him turn from me, please._ An elaborate knot had formed in his throat and he swallowed hard through it; he could swear it was made of barren thorns. Cas straightened a bit, gulped some air, released it, and cleared his throat. His lips felt like wilted petals and his arid mouth wasn’t fairing any better. “My mother…she has this inclination to think that she has the right to make decisions for me. She had never approved of ‘my lifestyle’, calling it corrupt,” an annoyed sounding scoff wrenched from the man beside him, and his eyes quickly followed to meet a shaking head and a dramatic eye roll. The sight drew his lips into a much needed heartfelt smile and again he was exceedingly grateful for Dean Winchester.

“Sex reassignment surgery is extremely costly and a police officer’s salary isn’t enough to cover such expenses. Unfortunately, health insurance doesn’t cover that type of procedure, which I think is unacceptable,” he was rambling, he knew it, yet Dean’s face didn’t show signs of irritation. “I had distanced myself from my mother almost since I entered college, but kept in contact with my father. I asked him not to tell her where I lived or about my relationships and he kept his word, but…” _Oh Jesus_ , he had an idea of where this was going and his stomach clasped painfully.

From the corner of his eyes, he caught the rigid posture of Cas’s entire body, and an unpleasant chill ran up his spine. A strange fear took a hold of him for a split second; the man next to him seemed untouchable and unreachable—an extraordinary creature contained in a mortal vessel. In that moment, he didn’t know why his eyes traveled to the painting Cas had given him. That banished angel and _his_ angel gave him the same feelings of déjà vu.

“I don’t know how she found out where I lived and about Sebastian, thought I shouldn’t be surprised. She didn’t make contact with me of course, she went straight for the jugular,” Dean’s furrowed brow made a tendril of affection wrap around his heart. He couldn’t stay his hand from brushing against a warm freckled cheek even if he wanted to. The best part was that his gesture was welcomed; his boyfriend leaned into the touch as entrancing eyes endowed him with peace. After a few long seconds wandering in green oases, he decided to continue and be done with this conversation. Only his hand was now a flightless bird in the cage of gentle hands. He took advantage of the moment and scooted closer to his lover; it felt prodigious to feel his man’s heat against his skin.

“Sebastian changed drastically out of the blue, even more than he had until that point. I tried to talk to him, but there was always an excuse. Then one night, at the end of August over a year ago, I woke up to an empty side of the bed. I thought that he might have been called to work, an emergency maybe, but…” the hands engulfing his own tightened and Dean’s clenched jaw was a telltale he suspected what had happened. “I got out of bed and went to check if his uniform was in the closet, to my surprise not only was his uniform missing but all his clothes, shoes, and belongings were gone,” talking about Sebastian had been painful before, but as the months passed it became a barely there ache. His voice didn’t sound bitter nor his heart felt mauled.

Dean didn’t know that bastard Sebastian, but his fists wanted to pummel him to a pulp. He was sure that the more Cas confessed the more he would hate that despicable fucker. The red anger seething his blood made him lose control of his strength, and it wasn’t until a tender touch on the top of his hand snapped him out of his thoughts, that he realized he was holding his angel’s hand in a bone breaking grip. A few rubs and the sweetest smile calmed him down a bit.

“Sorry,” he murmured as an apologetic look landed on tranquil waters.

“It is okay, um…that night I called his cell, but he didn’t answer. I left innumerable voice mails, but I didn’t receive any calls back; texts went without replies and finally his number was disconnected. I went to the police station and asked his coworkers if they knew where he was staying; they told me he had asked for long-term leave, but hadn’t said where he was going. The twins worked with him and were as perplexed as I was; we searched but came out empty handed. None of our mutual friends knew anything or maybe some did, but didn’t want to betray him,” that night and the ones that followed were torture. The guilt at the thought that his ineptitude at loving like a normal person had pushed Sebastian to leave him wrecked him whole. Maybe his mother had been right and he was faulty.

“Cas?” an inward groan inundated him with renewed guilt; he didn’t like to worry his kind Dean.

If thoughts could hurt, then that son of a bitch better be dying. _Why would you leave someone without talking things out, without explaining yourself?_ If he wanted to breakup that’s fine, but have the balls to do it right.

“I told you that I decided to move here because of Gabe’ and the others insistence, and also because I wanted to teach karate, but that wasn’t all. Part of it was because I was too ashamed to keep working at my old company,” the confusion was evident on his lover’s visage so he continued, “I was an investment banker and dealt with high sums of money. I used to take work home, that night Sebastian left I was working on one of my clients account. She had given me a $30,000 check when we met for dinner earlier that night to discuss some investments. I was going to finish the paper work and then send it to be processed. I rarely brought home with me checks or any type of investment money, because of liability, but I had been a bit out of it that day and decided to ignore the rules,” shame and embarrassment still raided his mind as he remembered the disappointment on his superior (who happened to be a dear friend of his father), and the elderly woman who had trusted him.

“Fuck Cas, did he…” now he really wanted to punch that asshole in the face with a brick. How could he have done that? Steal from Cas, make him feel like shit for caring about him, and then leave him without an explanation.

Cas nodded as he evaded beloved green eyes. “I used my savings to return her money and then wrote my resignation letter. I am grateful that because of my superior’s friendship with my father, I didn’t get fired on the spot or sued. After that, I just stayed home and refused to go out even to buy groceries. Poor Gabe and Balt were so worried. But the worse part came later,” the last words had Dean on the edge of his seat, _what else did that motherfucker do?_

“My mother came to visit me a few days later, claiming she missed me and to go back with her. When I refused, she…she revealed that she had met with Sebastian a few days before he left, and that he had accepted $80,000 from her in exchange for leaving,” the flatness of his voice felt foreign to his ears; he found himself serene and no longer wounded. Though it still ached how blind and wrong he had been at thinking what they had was love. He chose to ignore all the signs and paid for it dearly.

Someone hold him ‘cause he was pissed. _What the fuckity fuck?! How can someone do crap like that? Are you fucking serious?!_ Dean was sure that if that treacherous fuck had asked, Cas would have given him the money. His boyfriend looked calm, but Jesus fuck that must have hurt like hell. The lividness coursing through him was so intense; his bones felt as if they would burst out of his skin. _Breathe, breathe, chill and calm down. This is about Cas not you, breathe, his voice scolded inside his head._

“I’m sorry Cas, that’s messed up,” how eloquent Winchester, you can’t even console your man, figures; his touch and gaze would have to suffice. And apparently they did, because those baby blues gave him the softest look.

“Yes, it was…, but I am fine now thanks to my family… _and to you_ ,” Cas must think he is a dog or something, and probably he wasn’t completely wrong, because when those tender hands touched him in any way he melted like butter.

“I was in a dark place; lost and punishing myself for my faults, and also hating Sebastian for his,” a heavy sigh parted honey flavored lips and Dean noticed how some tension contoured his angel’s expression. Without thinking, his right hand gravitated towards the furrowed brow and bold fingers smooth it out. His actions extracted crinkles at the corners of grateful blue eyes and a lingering kiss on his wrist.

Cas’s affectionate gestures were foreign things he had rarely experienced in his previous ‘relationships’. In his experience, erotic touches were always the precursors to sex and nothing more. But with this man everything felt pure and honest; his intentions were clear in his every touch, word, and action. Except something bugged him to the point of madness and without delay he spoke. The words making their way out of his mouth felt like volcanic ash lacerating his insides on their path.

“Do you…do you still---,” the stuttering in his voice made him feel disgusted; _why was he so weak?_ If he had been made out of crystal, he was sure his words would have smashed him into fragments. His self-pity party was abruptly interrupted by a gravely firm voice and his face snapped up at the words that sliced the air.

“ ** _No_** ,” he wasn’t one to interrupt others mid-sentence, in fact he had always abhorred such thing; most probably because his mother constantly did it to him. Before he could stop himself, the rest of the words precipitated out of him with the force and speed of a flood tide. His eyes sought out Dean’s in a decisive gaze; he didn’t want any misunderstandings between them.

“My affections for Sebastian began to die with the passing of each day, even before he left. We were strangers sharing a space, used to each other’s presence but not essential to one another. When he left, what remained of my love vanished,” Dean couldn’t look away; he was like a rogue planet that has found a sun. The sincerity that poured from those words couple with the earnest raw gaze commanded his entire attention. His hands itched to comfort by touch in between his boyfriends delicate ones. Yet he decided against it, the moment was too serious to break it.

“On the other hand, the pain of the betrayal was what pierced me like a deadly stinger. I trusted him until the end, despite everything, and he didn’t have the decency to face me,” his hands finally worked and he squeezed Cas’s warm ones in support.

Time sure did heal wounds, but the scars always remain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It always makes me happy to read your comments. So make a girl smile and tell me your thoughts, don't be shy but try to be nice. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	25. ~Valley of Shadows~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So I guess now’s my turn, huh?” dammit, his voice sounded like splintered glass. Way to go buddy.
> 
> He wanted to clutch Dean to his chest and kiss away each bad memory. A tormented pained face wasn’t his favorite sight of Dean, because his boyfriend was too good of a person to bear such heavy crosses. So he decided he didn’t need to know his lover’s past if it was going to bring about pandemonium in his heart. His hands felt as if abandoned lion cubs; scared, hungry and powerless. Cas didn’t want to sound condescending or like he thought of Dean as weak, because that wasn’t true in the least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,  
> Dean's turn, get the Kleenex and a stuffed animal. I just want to hug the both of them and protect them from all the pain :(
> 
> Happy reading!

 

Their situations might have been different, but the end result was somewhat similar, at least emotionally. It dug and scratched at his heart, because he knew what trusting someone, and then being lashed with barbed wired betrayal felt like. Long seconds or minutes went by, he didn’t know nor cared; what mattered were their closeness and deep gazes; their linked hot fingers and the breaths they shared. He needed _this_ , before it was his turn to share his nightmare.

A quick tongue swept over sensuous lips and then Cas uttered, “I think that’s it for now…,” maybe he should say more— _no_ — not maybe, he should tell Dean about the current situation with Sebastian, but there was no need to worry his lover with unnecessary drama. Despite telling himself it was for the best, his conscience shirked with dread. _Maybe he should have listened._

The words fell on him like an anvil, because that meant it was time. Immediately and instinctively his body drew some distance much to his annoyance, yet he couldn’t help it. What was worse was that for a microsecond, Cas looked like he had been scalded, but just as fast the expression disappeared. It made him feel like a big pile crap, but he was grateful he didn’t have to soothe him. Except for Cecilia, Sam, Jess, Jo, and Charlie, no one else has heard what exactly happened from his mouth. And out of the five, Cecilia was the only one to know everything. She had worked so hard to get him to feel comfortable enough to not omit any details. The thought of her calm voice and kind eyes and motherly arms was a drop of sedative in his veins.  

“So I guess now’s my turn, huh?” dammit, his voice sounded like splintered glass. Way to go buddy.

He wanted to clutch Dean to his chest and kiss away each bad memory. A tormented pained face wasn’t his favorite sight of Dean, because his boyfriend was too good of a person to bear such heavy crosses. So he decided he didn’t need to know his lover’s past if it was going to bring about pandemonium in his heart. His hands felt as if abandoned lion cubs; scared, hungry and powerless. Cas didn’t want to sound condescending or like he thought of Dean as weak, because that wasn’t true in the least. So he thought for a moment before he voiced his thoughts, “Dean, I didn’t tell you about Sebastian to pressure you to talk about… _him_ ,” since he witnessed the heartbreaking sight of his freckled beauty fighting off a horrific nightmare, he couldn’t bring himself to mention that person’s name. That man was toxic and his name must be enough to venenate the sayer.

 _‘Him’,_ the word was said with such grudge, that he felt guilt wrap around his neck like a scarf made out of burning coal. Not even speaking of that dipshit ex of his, did Cas sounded as furious. He shouldn’t feel good, excited or satisfied about it—but those feelings gave him a bit of strength. “I know Cas, but like you said earlier, this is important for our relationship,” _Jesus_ , his vocal cords weren’t used to saying that word. “And I’m not only doing it for _us_ ,” _shit_ , he could use a box to cover his face right about now. “But also for me,” at his last words, he saw relief touch the tense lines of his boyfriends strong shoulders. No partner of his has ever bother to worry about him so much, that’s why he still couldn’t believe this was his reality.

“All right,” came Cas’ brief answer.

“Just, um, let me say everything I have to say. I don’t think I can stop and then pick up where I left off,” if he didn’t have the throw blanket in his hands, he would have clawed at his skin until it bled.

“I won’t interrupt you and I apologize about before,” _God, why was this man so adorable?!_ A small part of him wanted to go back on his words and just spend the time smooching with his hot as fuck boyfriend.

“Don’t’ worry ‘bout it,” a few long deep breaths made their way into his body and then he gulped down his distress. His upper body transformed into a ball; it isolated itself without conscious intention, whilst his legs remained rigid as robust tree trunks, and his eyes settled upon his arctic clenched fists. Every time the face of that asshole came to mind and the memories of that day projected in his brain; he was turned inside out messily. If it wasn’t for the weight of that gaze supporting him, he would have bolted.

Slowly, he exhaled some air through his mouth and inhaled deeply through his nose before he began to speak. “I-I met him at Mama’s Home. Andrew was extremely charming, he knew what to say to make you fall in his hands. Little did I know that was all a façade, that’s how he manipulated people…,” his voice trailed off as his mind flew back in time. He had been so desperate for attention; his usually sharp intuition was easily enveloped in fog.

“We started going out almost right away; hmm…I don’t have an excuse, uh… I was simply stupid,” the twinge of pain caused by his nails digging in his palms kept him somewhat grounded. A dull ache began to tug at his ribs and his left leg trembled slightly.

“At first he was nice, but despite how fucked up I was at the time, I did noticed he didn’t want us to be too close when we were in public. Later on, he told me his family didn’t know he was a ‘homo’ and he wanted to keep it that way. He comes from old money, so I understood why he wanted to keep it under wraps,” from the corner of his eyes he captured an implacable frown; a quiet and dangerous fury shone bright in flinty blue eyes. And Dean wanted to erase it, because he didn’t want anything to defile that gaze.

 _Maybe because I was so weak, I deserved what happened to me._ Those words cut so deep that his blood almost strangulated him. No one was better at hurting him than himself.

“Gradually, he showed me his true colors. He began to criticize everything I did, from the way I dressed to my taste in music to how I cooked or talked. Nothing I did was ever good enough and to him my opinions, wants, and needs were unimportant. I began to retreat into myself and _I let him push away my family_ ,” as he kept talking the pain increased at a torturous pace, it took pleasure in his agony. Quick breaths started to come faster, yet he swallowed down the nails rupturing his throat.

Next to him, he could feel on his flesh Cas’s heat cremating the shadows trying to smother them. His senses could feel something vengeful bubble violently inside Cas’s body and it intimidated him, not because he felt threatened, but because he was too insignificant to deserve those feelings. Suddenly, drowsy eyes drifted close and haltingly he continued, “His words became harsher… and um, he demanded I told him daily where I was, with whom, and at what time I’ll be home. If I didn’t do that, he…he would stop talking to me until I apologized.”

 _Dear God, if you exist why did you_ … his thoughts trailed away; each word out of Dean’s mouth tongues of fire lashing his heart. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how his precious lover must be feeling, but he could guess. Dean had completely retreated into himself; his voice a dolorous sound ripping apart the air. Oh, how he wished he could swathe him with affectionate touches and lull him with his love. But he had to respect Dean’s space. If he had the power, he would smite that snake without a second thought, but before that, he would punish him slowly. For him, it would be a pleasure to damn his soul to avenge his lover.

“We dated for about a year…uh, during that time I drank a lot and because of that Jo almost ended our partnership,” till this day, he couldn’t stop cringing every time he remembered that day he went in to work drunk. _Shit, I should have died of shame._ _Mom would have been so disappointed._ A spear-like pang drilled holes in his heart at the thought of how his mother would have looked at him. He was sure his hands were blocks of ice, because he couldn’t feel them.

“Looking back, what I felt for him wasn’t love— not really. I just didn’t want to be alone and fell into another shitty hole. How fucking pathetic was I?! And even though he treated me like garbage, I still felt _something_ for him,” Cas didn’t like to hear this wonderful man speak so ill of himself; it wasn’t right and it sliced at the marrow of his bones.

“He couldn’t stand anyone talking to me, not even Garth or Ash or Charlie—no one; he didn’t want anyone to take my eyes away from him. If I happened to talk to a stranger, he would take my cell and car keys away. He wouldn’t give them back until I promised not to speak with anyone he didn’t approve of beforehand. So fucking pitiful, I deserved everything that happened to me because I was so fucking weak,” the words crepitated as if fractured bones grating against each other and a murderous feeling took a hold of Cas.

If his internal upheaval could be heard, he was certain every glass in the house would have shattered. Earsplitting whines raked him and for a moment he felt disoriented. His entire being could be subsumed under the word supplication; it wanted to console, to spoil, to love, to cure; he couldn’t stand doing nothing. But Dean was still closed off and unreachable—a faint star in the pitch black firmament.

 _Fuck, he really didn’t want to talk about their last encounter._ An image flashed before his eyes and with the heels of his hands he rubbed hard at his eyes. Immediately, phosphene bathed the space bright and the shapes became distorted. At that point, his chest was a mess of ragged breaths and the scar on his left knee, a gaping wound gushing garnet-colored blood.

“ ** _Dean_** ,” _Christ! How did Cas do that? How does he know when I need him to grip me tight and raise me from my hell?_ Even though, he didn’t respond nor he let Cas speak again; a quick shake of his head and the words began to flow out again.

“On my birthday, this past January, my family had planned a surprise party for me,” a sound that was meant to be a sour laughter became almost a sob; because even after all the shit he had done to them, they still wanted to celebrate him. A pain as fast as a lightning bolt went up his left leg and rattled his ribs. A low cry was punched out of him when he winced at the sensation. Instantly, his boyfriend’s body was plastered to his side, whilst concerned eyes scanned his watery ones. _Dammit!_ Right now, he desperately needed skin contact with Cas; except that his limbs had become paralyzed by the image of perverse light brown eyes, and a twisted smirk.

At least he was breathing, even if the quickness of his breaths made his ribs creak. Puffs of warm air brushed his face like a serene lullaby. He felt the prelude of acid rain gather behind his eyes and he wished he could gouge them out. Dean didn’t want to summit and cry, not in front of Cas; he didn’t want to become even more unsightly to his eyes. But his eyes weren’t the only ones doing whatever they wanted; because when he cleared his throat and spoke again, his until now steady voice cracked entirely.

“Andr---,” fucking hell, shit, dammit! _Stupid weakling, almost crying and shaking like a little rag doll. Do you want your mommy, ooops, forgot she’s dead_ , Andrews cooed mockingly, followed by a grating cackle. A vicious quake moved him recklessly, thank goodness he was sitting.

“Dean maybe---,” his boyfriend began, but his next words expelled out of his mouth as if Africanized bees.

“ **Shut up Cas!** ” As soon as he said that, his eyes searched his lover’s, and what he saw in them was enough to carve his heart out. Shock, shame, pain, and…and heartbreaking sadness; blue skies were a cocktail of emotions he had rarely seen directed at him.

“Cas, _Cas_ I---,” his apology was cut short by the sway of his body and the whirls clouding his mind. A hand landed hesitantly on his head; it felt so good, so good he nearly let the tears flow. His head had fallen on a taut shoulder and despite how disgraceful he felt, he didn’t move. The skillful fingers massaging his scalp closed his eyes gently, and after an indefinite time his labored breathing steadied.

Dean’s hands clasped on his knees before he whispered, “I-I’m sorry…,” the inundation of tears in his throat prevented louder sounds. A kiss on the top of his head coupled with a mild squeeze on his hip was his absolution.

“Don’t worry,” _don’t worry_ ; _that’s why that asshole took advantage of you angel, because you forgive too fast_. Not that he was like _him_ , because Dean might be a fucked up mess but he wasn’t a manipulative little thief. Another moment passed and he felt a bit more in control, thus he decided to haste the pace and get this over with.

“He had told me he was too busy with work and that we would celebrate later. I went to Sam’ because he had called to invite me over for some fish tacos. Also ‘cause I haven’t seen him in a while, so I was more than happy to go. When I got there, everyone I knew welcomed me with excited shouts and big smiles,” his chest constricted at the memory, because the hours he spent with his family that day had been the happiest ones he had had since meeting Andrew. That day, he finally realized he needed to breakup with him.

“I had fun, it had been a good day …until, um…when I got home almost past midnight, he was waiting for me,” the fingers buried in his hair stopped abruptly and his own hands tightened on his knees.

“As soon as I saw him I knew something was off…God, I should have stayed quiet until I had my gun…,” he didn’t know if Cas could hear him, because his voice sounded faint to his ears; too much noise making his eardrums ring as if bells tolling loudly. “He was sitting on the sofa; legs crossed and hands folded over his lap. I couldn’t see him very well, because the only light came from the TV. A tense ‘Hi’ dragged out of my throat, and I remember the cold chill that ran up my spine when I turned to hang my jacket. That was my first mistake.”

Another kiss branded his head and now Cas’s hand lay still behind his head. “When I turned, he was in front of me; the glint in his eyes adamantine knives wanting to stab me. _‘Where were you and why didn’t you pick up your phone?’_ Before I answered, I reached inside my jean pocket and glanced at my cell. Probably not charging my phone before leaving the house was my first mistake. I told him it ran out of battery, but I didn’t say sorry or lowered my eyes like he was used to. Mistake three. Instead of trying to play it safe, I let my anger make me stupid; I should have been smarter about it.”

“When he saw the change in me; he cocked his eyebrows and looked me up and down. It made me feel like roadkill Cas; I was something disgusting in his eyes,” a series of kisses rained upon his head and he melted a little. “I needed to put some distance between us, but before I did it I told him, _‘This isn’t working anymore Andrew, its better if we put an end to this_.’ I turned to walk away, that was mistake four. We are of a height and he worked out almost every day; I shouldn’t have been surprised when he tackled me. I fell face first to the floor and broke my nose. He took the chance to turn me over and…and um, he uh…started to pull down my jeans,” a sharp intake of breath and Cas’s hands tightening were they held him, were his only anchors.

“Something came over me and I started throwing punches and kicking, and my lungs felt aflame. I didn’t realize I was screaming for help. He um… he had never wanted to uh, take me before so I guess the violence of it pushed my body into its flight-or-fight response. I remember one of my fists connecting with his lips… When he realized I wasn’t gonna let him, he…he…,” _fuck_ , his ribs were determined to remind him of what came next.

Such grievous wound his heart had never felt. In his arms, he held a man who had suffered heinous abuse; that should be bitter, yet his kindness was overwhelming; who had the right to feel his pain, but refused to be beat down by it. _Marvelous_ —that word encompassed Dean. With every day that passed, his respect for his boyfriend increased and today it did ten folds. He also discovered the darkness of his own soul. Death was too kind of an end for scum like _that_ man.

Dean felt as if a lamb walking through a valley of shadows without a shepherd. He was certain that tonight he would need all the sleeping aid he could get. Another sharp pain on his knee made him gasp for air and immediately tender hands held him tighter. He’ll finish this fucking conversation quickly so they could eat and he could drink his pain meds. Despite himself, he ripped his body from his angel’s hold; the position was a bit uncomfortable and he couldn’t breathe well. Strong arms let him go easily, albeit hesitantly; a trill of tenderness in his heart unrooted a diaphanous smile on his lips. A long heavy sigh left him wary; he proceeded to stretch a little and his bones cracked at the effort. His ribs weren’t thankful, but he needed to collect himself before he continues. All the while, the caresses of blue eyes cloudburst over him like a zephyr.

After his improvised stretch, he took another deep breath and resumed his recount. “When he saw I wasn’t gonna let him do whatever he wanted; he reached behind his back and pulled out his gun,” the words came out in a haste; it felt like he was throwing up everything in his stomach. He never noticed before, how tightly clenched fists brought out the detailed shape of his knuckles. If he looked carefully, he could almost see the off-white color of his bones. “That dipshit hit me hard with the butt of the gun on the left side of my head, but not enough for me to lose consciousness, because that wasn’t what he wanted. I did get about three stitches for that though,” he admitted almost distractedly as his hand unconsciously went up to touch were he had been hit.

Dean wasn’t sure how Cas was taking all of this, because his eyes were fixated on the floor. But if his ears were working properly, then his boyfriend had stopped breathing. “After taking that hit my head felt woozy, and combined with the pain of my broken nose, my brain was a little disoriented. I can still see his smirk; his predatory teeth made me shudder and my only thought was, ‘If I don’t get outta here, he’ll kill me,” each word rolling out of his tongue felt as if a plethora of pinpricks puncturing his vocal cords.

“I tried to get up, but he…um, he beat me to it and kicked me on the stomach three times,” _fuck!_ His hands were tree branches being toyed by the wind; he couldn’t persuade them to stop showing his cowardice. “His eyes, I-I can’t describe what I saw in them, but they were inhuman. When he took a step back I thought he would leave, but…,” maybe he should skip this part; a ferocious heat set his cheeks on fire— it was too sickening. But Cas had told him his story first, that must have been nerve racking. _Nut up Winchester!_ Dean leaned on his elbows, hands linked as they supported his head. If the saying was right and every time a person sighed they lose part of their soul, then he must be close to soulless.

“He gave me one long look and then I heard loud footsteps going up the stairs. For a moment, I felt relieved; I don’t even know why. I tried to get up again, but my ribs were bruised and my head was dizzy. Slowly, I crawled closer to the front door and that’s when I fell the first strike to my left leg,” as if his body understood his words, an almost unbearable pain pulsed on his knee.

Sharp teeth closed over his lower lip and stifled the moan waiting behind them. The strenuous pain, the unwanted flashbacks, and Cas’s warm hand squeezing his shoulder were enough to invite the tears to fall. Shit, fucking hell! _Mommy’s cry baby, I bet daddy dearest was so proud of his little princess_ ; Andrew’s voice ridiculed him once more. No force on Earth, heaven or hell will save that son a bitch from the impatient bullets waiting for him in his gun. An intense rage surged throughout him and his teeth bit into his stinging lip; it grew bonny hands and coiled around his neck; each image that dashed through his mind gave them strength. He thought they would throttle him and they would have, if it wasn’t for the bright presence next to him.

 _Breathe my sweet boy, don’t forget to breathe honey_ , people say that after a few years you begin to forget the voices of people who have passed away; but they were wrong, because his mother’s voice had never been as clear to him. She has been his constant light all these years; he hoped her slice of heaven was as amazing as she was. A few more long breaths and this time he was definitely going to finish this. “After that first hit, a howl shook my body; it took me by surprise and I kind of chocked on my spit. I felt my body being moved and through cloudy eyes I saw his face. That wasn’t the face of a person Cas,” goosebumps raised the hairs on his body; if demons existed then Andrew was possessed by one that day.

“I noticed the bat in his hands, _my_ _bat_. I didn’t have time to think or breathe, because quickly it collided with my ribs. Screams poured out of my mouth and I heard my bones crack; instinctively I covered my head, that’s what doctors say you should do so…uh,” tonight or tomorrow he will wish to die of embarrassment, because of how brittle his voice sounded, but right now he just wanted to get everything out. “He kept at it, each hit harder than the last; my screams gave him pleasure, he was laughing while he insulted me,” no way in hell he was gonna tell Cas all the poison that bastard spouted. “One last strike and then he spat on my face; by then I could barely see and the only sense that still worked was taste. The coppery flavor of blood was what kept me alert a while longer. But it had been better if I---If I hadn’t been awake ‘cause…um, he pulled down his pants a bit and, _shit_ … he pissed on me.”

A low growl emerged from Cas; a bloodcurdling sound that reminded him of a wounded beast. And he wanted to quit being so proud and just throw himself at his boyfriend’s chest; to be enveloped in the safety of his arms and fall apart for a long time. _Not yet, not yet…_

“Before I lost consciousness, his foot met one last time with my already broken ribs. I don’t remember what happened after that, but my last thought was, **_‘I’m gonna see mom first Sammy’_** …” at the last words Cas’s entire being ceased to function for a time; he wanted to console, to adore, to proclaim his devotion. And on the other hand, he wanted to ask for Andrew’s last name and find out his address. He wanted to purchase the sharpest knives and strap that scumbag to an operating table, and then carve him little by little. _Because how dared he? How dared he hurt this wonderful person? How dare he still draw breath?_

“I-I woke up later at the hospital; the knee surgery was done, my ribs bandaged, my head stitched up, and my nose realigned. Least to say, everyone went bat shit crazy and I woke up to a room full of weeping people. They must have seen my confusion and explained to me that Mr. Pascal had heard my screams and called the ambulance. Afterwards, he confessed to have come face to face with that motherfucker. Thank God he was too busy trying to run away and didn’t hurt Mr. Pascal,” those long weeks in the hospital had been awful; a special kind of hell.

Dean’s tongue swiped over his parched lips and he swallowed, “Sam took care of the police reports and all that jazz. I-I could barely breathe without pain those first few days; so I just took short breaths and that complicated things…a lot. I arrived to the hospital with four broken ribs; one of them shattered barely missing my right lung. The pain meds weren’t too helpful, they wore off too fast. Because of that, I suffered from atelectasis or in layman’s terms, a partial collapse of the lung tissue. And even after all these months, I often suffer from shortness of breath,” he had caused so much pain and worry to Sam and his whole family. If it wasn’t for their support, he didn’t know what would have happened to him.

Death wasn’t that bad of a thought when he saw the misery in familiar eyes. Or when the pain was so excruciating, that blood streamed down from his bitten lips to the collar of his hospital gown, and at the metal taste of it, he would be thrown back into a panic attack. Remembering himself months ago— _no_ — since his mother’s passing; feeling hollow inside— a dead man walking, it chafed his heart until he could feel the vivid sting. No warmth remained in his skin because his blood ran cold; frozen veins fought against raging pain. But just when he thought he was once again lost in the night desert of his twisted mind; a couple of furnaces brought back the heat to his flesh. The toxic thoughts that tarnished his mind and the vile voices twisting around his heart, disintegrated when his name sacredly spoken kissed his ears.

He was so used to crying alone— unnoticed— that he didn’t know how to do it any other way. To let Cas see his tears was mortifying, yet freeing, and exactly what he needed. Silence reigned sovereign for an indefinite time as loving arms cocooned him protectively, and his tears dampened his boyfriend’s left shoulder.

Dean’s inaudible crying and mild trembling were twin gashes to his heart; he lamented that all he could do was offer him his arms. Cas knew that the tears soaking his shoulder were pure, precious, and rare—cherry blossom petals flying in the first spring breeze—. With that thought, he tightened his hold a smidgen as if willing every drop of his affections to seep inside his lover’s being.

Dean didn’t know how much time had passed when he finally opened his eyes. It must have been a handful of long minutes, because the afternoon light was painted in the rich golden color of dusk. He must be a mess of swollen red eyes, puffy face, and snot; his neck and shoulders felt as if clumsily draw back bowstrings. Breathing through his nose was nearly impossible and he didn’t want to think of the sound of his voice. Everything ached after the onslaught of memories and he felt exposed, but despite how foolish he felt, something settled inside his heart. Talking about what happened was always jarring, but Cas’s arms and his lips; his warmth and quiet support; his rapt attention and understanding eyes had been a sturdy scaffold that kept him from plummeting to his death. Just when he was about to speak, a fierce roar startled him. After he realized what it was, he laughed despite himself and once again it was just what he needed.

His hands slowly let go of his boyfriend’s t-shirt and when he leaned back, he was met with the cutest bashful face. Dean would kiss him, but he must look gross. “Someone’s hungry,” he teased in a super unattractive croaky voice, not even wincing at the pitiful sound. He has already disgraced himself beyond repair in front of Cas, no need to suffer needlessly.

“Sorry,” ah, Cas shouldn’t do that; he shouldn’t be so good to him, because he would take advantage and act spoiled. “How are you feeling?” as Cas asked; a long fingered hand traveled towards his face and soft finger pads traced the saline path of his drying tears. Entranced by the touch, his eyes fluttered as if lightweight curtains in the summer wind; soon another subtle caress graced the other side of his face. And he felt each breath waved in and out of him with effortless ease.

“Fine,” that was all he could vocalize; his throat was too dry to bring forth more elaborate words.

Another chaste kiss was stamped to his forehead with fervor, but almost at the same time another roar greeted the air. Least to say, some chuckles ensued and gazes met once again; before Cas, his days were okay; a monotonous routine of time rushing by. But after him, Dean had reclaimed the reins of his days; now all of his good days seem to have this angel in them.

“C’mon let’s go and feed that roaring beast,” a couple of exchanged smiles and they were on their way. Dean hoped the food would take the acidic taste flavoring his mouth. “Need to make a pit stop here,” he uttered in an undertone as they walked by the bathroom. “Do me a favor and take the pan out of the oven, please.”

“Sure.”

Cas did as he was told and whilst he waited for his lover, he got lost in thought. There was something he wanted to ask, but he didn’t know if it was the right time. After their talk and disrobing their hearts, his plans sounded shallow. He was still jumping from thought to thought when a hand touched his shoulder in a lingering caress. A few blinks and his head lifted to meet amused puffy green eyes, said eyes were enough incentive to strengthen his resolve. His boyfriend walked slowly towards the cabinet holding the plates, but before he could opened it, he spoke.

“Dean,” he said tentatively whilst nervous steps brought him forward.

“Yes?” broad hands paused on the stainless steel handle and he immediately turned around; barely there forehead creases formed as Dean waited for him to continue. Once he was a few inches away, those hands reached for his waist and erased the distance. His heart imitated raindrops ricocheting on solid ground and this extraordinary man was the sole cause.

“Do you still have that suit you wore on Sunday?” even before Sam had sent him the pictures he hadn’t been able to stop recalling a suit-up Dean; he wanted to see him again. His own hands also found a favorite place to rest over strong hips.

“Yeah, why?”

“Wear it again and go on a date with me. And afterwards, if that’s what you also want, I hope you grant me the privilege to unwrap you like the exquisite present you are,” his voice had descended into an unplanned whisper at the sight of fire igniting forest greens.

A head to toe shiver hit every single nerve in his body and he fought the flames desperately. But it was proving to be a monumental task, because how was he supposed to put out fire with a fan? Everything Cas did, big or small, fanned the blaze inside of him. A breathless swallow went down his throat and defaulted to his joking mode; it was all he could do to somewhat extinguish the wildfire.

“Someone has a kink, I see,” he didn’t mean it to sound seductive, but fuck if he could tone it down.

“Yes, it is true. Would you like to help me appease it?” Cas voice was sultry susurration in his ear, which came coupled with nuzzling and dexterous hands rubbing his hips. Damn! He was so thoroughly fucked and he didn’t know for how much longer he could fight it. The chill that dashed up his spine brought with it sand-like goosebumps and his breaths almost became moans.

Another hard swallow and then he voiced, “You know me, always willing to lend a hand…or two,” came his witty response, while his hands grabbed a handful of firm ass cheeks. To hell with being shy and careful; he wasn’t going to deny himself anymore.

Cas’s dark playful chuckle was like kryptonite to his senses; this man got to him in the best way possible. A purposeful lick to his ear released a surprised gasp from his chest and his hands tightened once more on rounded butt cheeks.

“That’s why you are my favorite, Freckles.”

“Freckles?” he repeated as he lifted one eyebrow.

“Yes,” the sincerity in that word combined with the prettiest blush over Cas’s cheeks, and the oceanic depths looking at him adoringly were an unknown experience months ago.

“That is one of the names I call you by in my mind,” his boyfriend admitted and curiosity assaulted him. What other names do you call me by? Yet he decided to wait on that question.

“Are you one of those hopeless romantics Cas? A sap?” Dean’s words sprinted towards him with childish playfulness; it melted his heart to see the pain from before lifted from jadeite eyes, even if only a little.

“Yes, I am. Does it displease you?”

Instantly, he shook his head; _smooth bastard_ , _how does he ask that looking at me with those earnest eyes?_

“Then, let me kiss you for all the time I didn’t know you,” _Cas played dirty; Jesus, it wasn’t fair_. Gazes drank each other blind as hands held on possessively were they stayed, whilst their lips brushed as if petals in the wind, and their scorching breaths spoke of the conflagration inside.

The tension from their earlier conversation slowly dissolved from his muscles and flew away from his thoughts. _Cas has become his personal talisman against the evil eye of his past_ , he thought in awe; because once those kisses started coming, he was pliant in those arms. _How could he resist such reverence? How could he not surrender to that fire if he was dried wood?_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your comments guys, they motivate me. I never thought this fanfic would turn out to be so long lol. I hope to finish it by this summer (fingers crossed), and hopefully start another multi-chapter fic I have in mind (but probably not as long).
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	26. ~The Way You Look Tonight~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Each step towards his car was a second closer to his freckled beauty. He hadn’t felt such unabashed thrill at the possibility of something intimate happening for a long time. With Dean, a chaste kiss or a furtive look, a light touch or a brush of breaths, a simple ‘hello’ or the sound of his name— everything, even the most insignificant gesture had an unfathomable meaning he couldn’t quite pinpoint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello honeybees, 
> 
> I'm so happy to be back to writing this story. Sorry I haven't posted in over two months, but I signed up for the Cockles Big Bang and was super busy writing that story. Things are moving along with our boys and the day of their official first date has arrived. I hope you enjoy this chapter and also, you won't have to wait long for the next chapter. It's written and just needs to be edited. 
> 
> Happy reading!

** From The Depths Of Despair, You Saved Me **

** Chapter 26: The Way You Look Tonight~ **

**_“Cassie, it’s true we haven’t seen each other for a couple of days, but that doesn’t mean I can’t read your mood through your voice,”_** spoke his brother is his eternal matter-of-fact voice. **_“So tell me, what’s going on?”_** God, sometimes he thought Gabe was some kind of divine spirit, because he had this unique all-knowing confidence in things others didn’t.

Cas knew it was useless to deny it or to veer the conversation, regardless he was going to try. “Gabe, nothing is going on and I need to hang up now. I have some things to do,” his eyes flicked to the clock on the kitchen wall, 7:16 and their reservation was for 8 o’clock. He needed to hurry if they were to make it on time. Samandriel would arrive at any minute now since he was staying over. And no, he wasn’t sleeping over because Cas had plans on staying the night with Dean, which he wished he could, but because his cousin’s apartment building was being fumigated. His heart still ached unbearably every time his mind recalled Wednesday evening. Dean’s dolorous voice and excruciating words, his strained body language and affliction-ridden eyes— all of it was as if violin strings twining around his heart at the rhythm of Sarasate’s Carmen Fantasy.

His thoughts were disrupted by an insistent snarky voice, **_“I call bullshit little brother, because the hint of peppiness in your voice is unmistakable. Are those things you have to do in any way related to Dean ‘fine piece of ass’ Winchester? Did you guys finally get together?”_**

_Dammit, say something Castiel!_ He chided to himself, but it was too late.

**_“Oh my God, you did get together, didn’t you?! Kaliiii, Kaliiii!”_** The victory and giddiness in Gabe’s voice was both heart melting and unnerving, because it made everything much more real. Other people knowing about them and acknowledging it gave their relationship a deeper foundation and also, it meant he had to share Dean with more people. It sounded silly and possessive, and he knew possessiveness didn’t have a place in what they have. Not that he was that kind of man either, but when you love someone so profoundly, it was nearly impossible to not desire that person wholly.

**_“What’s the ruckus honey? Hi Castiel, how are you?”_** floated Kali’s smoky voice through the phone.

“Hi Kali, I am well and yourself?” he was glad for this brief respite. His brother was a handful and he couldn’t deal with him by himself at the moment.

**_“I’m fine sweetheart. So, what has you shouting dearest husband?”_ **

**_“Cassie finally had the guts to confess or maybe it was Dean …hey bro, was it you or green eyes that grew a pair?”_** At his brother’s grating voice, he pulled the phone away from his ear and put it on speaker at a lower volume.

**_“Congratulations, that’s great news Castiel. Oh, is that why you wanted to celebrate at St. Germaine’s?”_** the excitement was palpable in her voice; it made his own heart trill with joy.

“Yes and thank you for all your help; it wouldn’t have been possible otherwise,” he hoped his plans were to Dean’s liking. The desire to pamper him both emotionally and physically was almost a need, because that wonderful man deserved nothing but absolute felicity.

Cas could practically see her manicured hands waving in the air and red lips curving up into a sincere smile. **_“Don’t mention it; I hope you and Dean have a lovely time. The food is exquisite and don’t get me started on their wine selection. Have fun sweetie.”_**

**_“Hold on a damn second, what’s this ‘bout? You helped Cassie set up a date? Kali you aren’t supposed to keep secrets from your husband, especially anything involving my baby bro,”_** the pout in his brother’s voice made Cas’s lips quirk into a tiny smile; it made him want to hug Gabe—weird.

**_“Calm down sugar, I just lend him a hand and kept his secret. You’re too much of a blabber mouth to let you in on these things, but I still love you,”_** she cooed. The sound of a noisy kiss soon made it through the speaker; she knew how to distract her husband without much effort. The sting of loneliness and harmless envy didn’t poke at his heart this time.

**_“You’re still a traitor! And you too Cassie, I’m your big brother; I’m supposed to be the first one to know about these things. I’ll let you off the hook this time, but you’ve to tell me who manned up and declared his undying love. Did you do the nasty yet?”_** and these were the reasons he was particularly apprehensive of introducing _Gabe_ to Dean. His brother was extremely intense, annoyingly insistent, and didn’t have a filter between his mind and mouth. ‘The little firecracker’ like Tim and Jacob teasingly call him; always speaking before thinking and even if he said something insulting, he would rarely apologize.

**_“Gabriel, let your brother speak,”_** thank God for Kali and her ability to rein his brother in.

Currents of electricity seeped into his body from the soles of his feet to the crown of his rebellious hair; he was sure he could light up a few hundred light bulbs. His hands distractedly lifted to fiddle with the knot of his blue tie, as impatient feet walked towards one of the living room windows. If Samandriel didn’t get here soon, he’ll be late to pick up Dean. An almost irritated meow scratched his eardrums; it tugged his eyes down to settle upon the little diva at his feet. Tippens quickly followed suit with a crabby stuttered bark at a mid-range pitch. He had been so preoccupied planning this date that he had barely played with his little tyrants. Pinpricks of guilt assaulted his heart at the two pairs of expectant eyes staring up at him.

“Gabe don’t be so crude and you don’t have to yell; neither Kali nor I are deaf,” he was trying to buy time, although he knew it was in vain. As best as could manage, he crouched, and was immediately showered with loving gestures. His body swayed and he nearly toppled over, but thankfully his left hand reacted swiftly to hold onto the window sill. Between licks and a few nuzzles, belly rubs and behind the ear scratches; he felt a smidgen of serenity diffused in his bloodstream.

**_“Yeah, yeah, whatever Mr. Manners Police; now spill all the juicy details_** **_and you shall be left alone…for tonight,”_** dear Father in Heaven, please lend me a hand; I don’t have the wits for this right now.

Thankfully his prayer was answered when a light knock on the door announced the arrival of Alfie. With no time to waste, he petted his tyrants one last time before he rose to his feet and hastily strode across the room to answer the door. His ears didn’t miss the sound of four paws hot on his heels; Tippens always liked to welcome the guests.

“Fine…,” he agreed begrudgingly, “I confessed and he accepted my feelings, and that’s all I am willing to say at the moment. I will talk to you tomorrow Gabe; good night Kali,” the last thing he heard before hanging up was _‘that’s my Cassie’_ and at the expressed joy, his lips uprooted a fond smile. With his cell still in hand, he opened the door to welcome his cousin and Bella— the six month old beagle nestled in his arms.

“Sorry I’m late. At the last minute the pest control guys asked me to move all my stuff to one corner of the apartment. Ugh, I’m drained,” and he looked it too. Cas was afraid that Alfie would fall over at any given minute. As soon as he walked inside the house, Tippens released a sharp, short bark as a way of greeting and his cousin’s expression visibly lit up. Relief trickled over him and he didn’t feel as guilty to leave his fur babies.

“Don’t worry about it; if you want to, you can take a bath. I have lavender bath salts and bubbles. I already refilled their water and food bowls and also took Tippens out. I will try not to come back too late.” Cas walked closer to Alfie and then his hands carefully approached the precious pup looking at him shyly. As soon as his hands began to pet floppy big ears, contented sounds filled the air and amused smiles were exchanged.

A glance at the clock and _oh shoot!_ It was time for him to go and feast his soul on the sight and feel of his gorgeous boyfriend. Briskly steps brought him to the nearby half bathroom. He washed his hands and cleaned his face, and then he sprayed some of his favorite cologne into the air and walked into it. Cas had noticed that Dean favored this fragrance as well, which made his heart leap behind his ribs. Afterwards, he jogged to his bedroom and grabbed a folded piece of paper that rested on the nightstand, which he hastily put away in his breast pocket. As he walked towards the front door, excitement took root in his veins and waited desirously to flourish in his heart. Said outcome would entirely depend on his lover’s disposition and intentions, because all he wants is for Dean to be comfortable.

“Castiel,” called his cousin as he approached him by the front door; his eager hand frozen at the mid-turn of the doorknob. Before Samandriel continued, an affectionate smile melted in his cousin’s eyes. “Don’t hurry home; enjoy your date and if you can’t make it back tonight that’s okay. I sure Mrs. Alexa won’t mind pet sitting tomorrow morning.”

His heart scampered inside his chest; at the same time he felt red-hot flames lick his cheeks and ears. It was scary how perceptive his family was, as well as kind and caring. He nodded at the lack of an eloquent reply and let the gratitude glimmer in his eyes. Each step towards his car was a second closer to his freckled beauty. He hadn’t felt such unabashed thrill at the possibility of something intimate happening for a long time. With Dean, a chaste kiss or a furtive look, a light touch or a brush of breaths, a simple ‘hello’ or the sound of his name— _everything_ , even the most insignificant gesture had an unfathomable meaning he couldn’t quite pinpoint.

*********************

Dean hated wearing suits, but this was for Cas so he’ll suck it up. Also, this meant his boyfriend will be wearing that damn pinstripe suit, which makes him look like one of those distinguished men from olden times. It also meant that he will be wearing a tie, and he had always wanted to try ‘the sensual tie pulling move’ and bring those maddening lips slowly to his own. _Yeah, yeah, call him a chick or whatever, but no one could deny that image was sexy as hell_. He was still trying to fix his hair and lost in idle daydreaming, when he heard a knock on the front door. If the sound of his heartbeats could be heard out loud by others, it would break more than a few eardrums. His eyes glanced at the reflection in the mirror, as nimble fingers put in place a few stray hairs. He checked his teeth and adjusted the dark olive silk tie—his tremulous hands uprooted irritated groan.

Another knock and he briskly flicked off the bathroom light, and then practically ran towards the door. Before he reached for the doorknob, he let his eyes drift close and his nose take a deep breath. _For fucks sakes, this isn’t my first date_ ; he scoffed at his virginal behavior. _But wasn’t it thought?_ He couldn’t recall the last time he was formally asked on a date by a steady boyfriend. Dean had gone out with many girls and taken them out to eat, but nothing as formal as this date with Cas promises to be. Not even in college. The closest thing to a date with a dude he recalls was probably with that guy he met when he worked at Home Depot when he was 17; it was the summer before he graduated high school. Ah yes, he remembers that ‘date’; it had been painfully awkward and afterwards they had tried to kiss, but the braces the kid wore split Dean’s lips, so they got busy with their hands instead. At the memory, he couldn’t stop the corners of his lips from curling up into a silly smile.

Not everything in his life has been shitty. _And definitely not now_ , he thought as he opened the door to lay eyes upon the stunning man in front of him. Said man happens to be sporting the most amazing smile he has ever seen. _How was Cas real?!_ He felt light-headed at the unbound affection outpouring from those preternatural eyes. Dean felt as if he went through a transfiguration every time he saw himself reflected in those blue mirrors. _How could love make his heart hurt in the best possible way?_ Everything Cas-related felt _pure_ , so pure that one glance was enough to pierce through his skin and meander around his ribs, wander inside his heart and stitch up the gaping wounds. A glace that traveled to the abyss of his tender and affection-hungry being and breathed new life into it—a golden thread that seamlessly knitted his once fragmented soul.

“Hello, Dean,” just those two words from _this_ man and the tar that still coursed through his veins continued to dissolve. That gravelly voice siphoned his pain and transfused unsullied lifeblood into his veins. _Say something dummy! Jesus, this bastard without meaning to, always manages to steal his words and whiteout his thoughts._

“Hi there,” _ugh, someone please give him a box to bury his face in it_ ; _it’s too early to start the blush feast._ No ‘smooth’ Dean Winchester tonight, _again_. Thankfully, his hands had stopped their jittery dance, but he couldn’t speak for his heart.

Two steps forward and an unbroken gaze, diaphanous finger pads at the top of his hand and a reverent thumb caressing his cheek; intermingling lukewarm breaths and the brush of soft noses, eyelids fluttering close by the lull of one kiss and the entwining of hands at the urge of their hearts. Neither the gentleness of the night breeze nor the possibility of being seen was strong enough reasons to resist the lure of those lips. Brazen flicks of tongue seared the seam of his lips; until they parted and greeted the fiery visitor. Blindly and cocooned in strong arms, his feet stepped down to the porch. Their tongues met in a raring coalition that elicit low moans, as their arms tightened in a boa-like embrace. He didn’t notice at the moment, that his body didn’t jolt and his ribs didn’t phantom ache.

Cas’s teeth nibbling his stinging lips and the voracious sucks to his tongue, the hands clutching desperately at the small of his back and the dark scent of his skin; each action felt as if bright flames devouring him. Flames fanned by the intemperate passion of each touch, moan, and look. Blue no longer colored the eyes titillating him with their siren song; lust was pitch black and intoxicating— it imprisoned the mind and unraveled the body. Their mouths only parted when the need for air made them gasp, yet their arms refused to relinquish each other’s body. Their chests heaved with effort as somewhat ragged breaths warmed their lips; no words emerged from their throats for a few long seconds. Slightly dampened foreheads rested against one another and he wished Cas could read the interminable letter of his thoughts. Someone else’s arms had rarely felt as freeing or imprisoning as the ones sheltering him.

Dean was a willing captive at the mercy of this man.

“You look so handsome, even more so that last Saturday. These clothes suit you so well,” a desire tinted low voice admitted, while the eyes he had adopted as his personal sky gazed at him with wonderment; it always left Dean’s thoughts windblown how he saw himself reflected in them.  

A blink and an exhale, and then his words surfaced, “So you really _do_ have a suit kink, huh, Cas?” the teasing smile sketched on his thoroughly kissed lips was immediately answered with a guileless one. _Cute, so freakin’ cute; why’re you so cute?_ “Thanks for the compliment and, uh, you too look so damn hot,” he added.

“Thank you,” his boyfriend murmured as he fought a smile, but quickly added, “We need to get going if we are to make it on time.”

Almost regretfully Cas uncoiled his arms from Dean’s waist and Dean nearly _whined_ (what the fuck?!) at their absence, but also let his arms fall away from his boyfriend’s neck.

“Ok,” and as he said this, he turned around and reached inside his jacket’s right pocket, and then pulled out his keys. As he locked the door, he thought once again that if one kiss could make his voice a breathy mess, then what would become of him when Cas and he became more intimate. Just the thought of it was enough to set fire to the furnace below his belly; with much effort he extruded the very pervy images from his mind—for now.

As they walked down the porch steps, their sides brushed in a flirty touch—innocent, but charged with a medley of electrified emotions. In need of a distraction and because Dean felt like being a little shit, he griped, “We’re takin’ your car? Why? Cas let’s take Baby instead.”

A head shake from Cas and Dean let a dramatic pout bloom on his lips. The mile-long smile his boyfriend gifted him instantly burned all the oxygen in his lungs. Those damn eyes— so freakin’ blue they seem surreal— were like adamantine shovels that excavated forgotten feelings as if ruins waiting to be discovered.

“If you drive then it’ll take away from the surprise. And my car might not be a gorgeous beauty, but the seats are quite comfortable,” Cas assured as he opened the passenger door for him. It made him feel like one of those Disney princesses (which he _wasn’t_ , thank you very much, but hell if it didn’t feel good to be treated nicely). Dean hasn’t been treated like something important by a lover in…maybe ever.

“Fine, you win this round Novak,” he tried not to sound bratty, but his lover made it so easy for him to act spoiled. And to be clear, Dean Winchester has _never_ acted spoiled, well, except when he got sick as a child and let his mom coddle him.

A soft quirk of honeyed lips and then his boyfriend closed the door with a firm, but gentle push. Cas had said Dean ruined him by making him love pie and awakening up deep urges, but he could affirm that his level of ruination was even worse, because Cas was rewriting all of his expectations. The engine purred and immediately the lyrics of Tokio Hotel’s ‘Zoom Into Me’ flowed from the speakers (yes, he listens to music other than classic rock, variety is good). The cool air from the air conditioner tickled his face and a shiver made its way up his spine. In tandem, they buckled their seat belts and exchanged wide smiles.

Dean floated whilst anchored to the seat.

“Ready?”

“Yeah,” _more than ready actually_ , he thought, as his nomadic eyes contoured the sharp cuts of his lover’s insanely attractive face.

_Is there anybody out there_  
Walking alone  
Is there anybody out there  
Out in the cold  
One heartbeat  
Lost in the crowd  
Is there anybody shoutin'  
What no one can hear  
Is there anybody drownin'   
Pulled down by the fear  
I feel you  
Don't look away

Dean tried to enjoy the ride and the music; the seat was indeed comfortable and the air smelled like Cas. The rich, dark, and earthy but ethereal aroma effortlessly swirled inside his nostrils and commanded his senses. His eyes glimpsed at the flawlessly carved profile of his angel, _again_. They followed the winding of his form and slowly traced it in the papyri of his mind; the curvy shapes of his ear and the sharp angular slope of his nose, down to the full and slightly dry set of lips and downward the regal column of his neck to the straight set of his shoulder. An unknowing tongue swept over to wet rosy bruised lips and his impatient one wanted to chase after it. Just when he thought his appreciation had gone unnoticed, a knowing side-glance flashed at him.

_Zoom into me_  
Zoom into me  
I know you're scared  
When you can't breathe  
I will be there  
Zoom into me

“Everything okay?” the way Cas’s lips arranged themselves into a smug smirk caused him to swallow hard and look away, lest his cheeks burst into flames. Dean discreetly cleared his throat and after a few seconds he spoke; eyes vagabonds over the slender fingers wrapped around the steering wheel.

“Yeah, um, just that I forgot to ask but, where are we going?” he knew every nook and cranny of their town, which is why he was a little confused, because they were heading out of town and towards downtown.

Dean hasn’t been to Downtown Dallas in a long while. He didn’t have any reasons to go there, because the main attractions were office buildings and luxurious hotels, the aquarium and a bunch of museums; well-known art galleries, the opera house, and posh restaurants. What has Cas planned for them? Maybe dinner at a hotel? A hotel…, that possibility projected so many R-rated images in his mind and…, _dude calm down, these pants aren’t roomy enough to pop a boner_ , an almost desperate voice that sounded much like his own chided. To subtly (he hoped) press down on his half-hard erection, he interlinked his hands and settled them on top of his cotch. All the while, his gaze remained fixed on his man’s profile; it was a very nice profile.

“I told you it is a surprise and I am almost certain you will like it,” Cas sounded beyond enthused and Dean didn’t have to look into his eyes to know they were alight with contentment, but he had to be honest. Thing was— that with Cas— Dean didn’t feel nervous or scared to speak his mind, on the contrary, his lover was all about being truthful to one another. Which was new to him and also made a pointy twinge of guilt spear his heart, because he’s yet to tell Cas about being stalked by his ex, via his most trusty henchman, but that wasn’t a conversation for tonight. Dean won’t allow that asshole to shit all over his date. He’ll tell Cas later.

“I don’t like surprises that much, Cas,” he confessed and as soon as the words left his mouth, his eyes glimpsed up to capture his lover’s reaction.

Not even a dollop of tension or irritation marred Cas’s expression. Dean was struck dumb when his boyfriend’s first reaction was his extended hand towards him. A tapered hand waited patiently, palm up for Dean’s own to slot into place. His left hand moved faster than he could think, and once settled in Cas’s velvety hold, his boyfriend brought it up to his soft smiling lips, and reverently breathed a kiss into his skin. The action drew out a gasp that collided with his heart and spread goosebumps all over his heated skin. He had never known such gentleness or loving gestures from a lover. This man constantly surprised him with his actions and he found himself relishing those surprises. So he decided to roll with it and give Cas’ surprise plans a chance.

“Do you trust me, Dean?” Cas asked as he gave him a quick but meaningful glance.

The question stroked his heart like a drumstick and made it clash against his chest. He hasn’t trusted anyone for a long time, except for his family. But despite the still latent fear thrumming inside of him, not trusting Cas wasn’t an option. Dean had trusted him almost since the beginning, because there was something about him that made Dean trust him implicitly. And the knowledge scared him shitless, because trusting someone was giving power to that person over your emotions. He has trusted before and look what that got him. Dean couldn’t help but take a peek at his left leg. To rid his mind of such thoughts, he shook his head slightly and slid his gaze out the window. The stars had begun to clothe the sky in its favorite sequin dress.

His right hand rested on his thigh, fingers a bit stiff and he prayed the hand in Cas’s hold wasn’t as sweaty as he felt it. A not so quiet swallow made it down his throat and he let his eyes flutter close for a split second. Because the next words were significant, extremely significant for him and in passing he thought of Cecilia and her constant ‘I am so proud of you, Dean.’ The thought printed a small smile on his lips, which grew broader when his eyes landed upon his companion’s peaceful visage. Cas never hurried his answers or reactions; he just waited patiently for Dean to express his thoughts when he felt he was ready. His lover’s way of being was the reason the bricked-in doorway to his heart was steadily cracking open. Before he answered, he squeezed Cas’s hand to get his attention. Once that cerulean gaze was set on him for a couple of seconds, he rolled his eyes and flashed a grin.

“Duh, what do you think?” It felt good to mean the words he spoke; so many times he used to say things just to please others.

A sleek chuckle filled with amusement and fondness streamed out of Cas’s mouth and caressed every pore on his skin until all of him tingled. It wasn’t until he met this blue-eyed angel that he understood what it meant to be touched without hands or lips. Just his name rolling off Cas’s tongue set him afire, as if he was a dried log drenched in gasoline.

“Then relax and do not worry,” Cas murmured as his breath ghosted over the top of Dean’s hand. Once again his lips wrote a kiss on his bubbling flesh.

Dean wondered what would be left of him when those hands and lips shaped him into molds.

The rest of the drive was spent in a companionable silence, except for the music seeping out of the speakers and dancing around his heart. Their hands were still bound to each other; slender fingers silk threads messily tangled and unwilling to part. Dean feasted on his lover’s profile and on the lines of his body, unashamed of his ogling and Cas— Cas knew and took pleasure in it. His boyfriend smiled and glanced over at him with the most indulgent expression Dean has ever been looked at in his life. The tidal wave of feelings that flooded through him, made Dean want to pull Cas to him and kiss all those feeling into him. Yet he didn’t, because dying wasn’t in his plans tonight. Not before he thoroughly tasted love. He didn’t want to die, Dean found himself thinking; not today and probably not tomorrow. Maybe someday, he wouldn’t want to die at all.

***********************

After sometime and he didn’t know exactly how long, because keeping time while he was with Cas wasn’t a priority; his lover declared, “We have arrived.”

Dean didn’t have time to react before a tuxedo clad middle-aged man greeted, “Good evening sirs, welcome to St. Germaine’s. My name is Luis and I will be taking care of parking your car.”

Cas gave the man a half smile and nodded. Before he stepped out of the car, he gave Dean a wider smile. His mind was still speeding to catch up when Cas opened the passenger door.

Dean slipped out of the passenger seat still in shock, but he still managed to give his boyfriend a grateful look. A string of semi-halted words jumped out of his mouth.

“St. Germaine’s? How did you…,” his voice dwindled as confusion furrowed his brows.

“You know of it…have you been here before?” Cas asked; his tone matched the genuine curiosity sketched on his face as his eyes caused whorls of warmth to travel throughout Dean.

They stood in place; their attention entirely set on one another, even after the car had been taken to be parked. The speed in which he had grown accustomed to the intensity of that lightning-like gaze aimed at him was a bit alarming. In fact, he thought of Cas’s eyes as his personal dream catchers; they seem to trap all his nightmares and rotten thoughts before they reached him. Those indigo waters effortlessly transmuted the sticky tar-like darkness that paved his mind into an aquarelle of light.  

“No, but I have heard of it from Sam when he was trying to get reservations here last year. He spent months trying to get one for his fifth wedding anniversary celebration. It’s a super posh restaurant and they have a long-ass reservation waiting list. How did you manage to get one in days?” his feet shuffled on the cement, whilst his hands rested in the front pockets of his slacks. All the while, his gaze remained locked with his boyfriend’s attentive one.

A nod was Cas’s initial response and then he suggested, “First, let’s get inside and then, once we are seated, I’ll tell you everything you want to know. All right?”

“Okay,” was his brief response; but before they took any steps towards the restaurant, his lover’s right hand wandered up to his nape. Pleasantly soft finger pads journeyed down the knobs of his spine, until fevered fingers settle splayed open on the small of his back. He couldn’t tamp down the pleasurable chill that raked him from the tip of his toes to the crown of his head.

Dean hungered for more; he wanted so much more of those touches.

As soon as they walked inside the fancy joint, they were immediately greeted by a gaunt; tuxedo- clad, late middle-age man.

“Good evening sirs, welcome to St. Germaine’s Wine Bistro,” his somewhat somber voice perfectly matched his mortician-like appearance.

The dude’s neatly combed back black hair sprinkled with wisps of gray, high cheekbones, and sunken cheeks, combined with big brown eyes that seemed to pierce through the veil of Dean’s soul, pulled a disconcerting shudder from the soles of his feet. He wanted to flee and wash away the unsettling feeling of being embalmed alive by that intimidating gaze. But he couldn’t make his body move, so instead he wretched his eyes from the unnerving man and fixed them on a pretty painting of an old world garden.

The façade of a Tuscan villa with its washed-out bricks, a set of stone stairs, and elaborate black iron railings; a light-up sconce even though it was daytime, compact balconies, and a handful of arched doorways and windows; a clear blue sky brushed with a few crispy white clouds, tall and leafy trees, a stone backless bench, and multiple clay pots of varied sizes holding different kinds of flowers— the peaceful scene called out to him with a yearning whisper.

_It’d be nice if I could jump inside it and explore the grounds_ , he thought distractedly.

“Good evening, the reservation is under Castiel Novak,” his boyfriend replied, whilst he looked at the Maitre D’—Julian, read his golden name tag—unaffected. That lighthearted name definitely didn’t suit the man, Dean thought.

Cas’s low, rough voice bordered with warmth, reassured something inside of him he didn’t know needed soothing. His lover’s fingertips expertly rubbed circles on his lower back and right away the tension that lined his shoulders ebbed a fraction. It was kind of incredible, how from the slightest twitch of his muscles, Cas could tell Dean’s mind had become momentarily stirred counter-clock wise. He hated to feel weak, to be coddled; he wasn’t some goddamned fragile blown glass ornament, but fuck if he didn’t welcome the touches with open arms.  

“Ah yes, please follow me Mr. Novak. And may I have you companion’s name?”

Julian’s eyes had slid to Dean’s face and settled there until he stuttered out a pathetic, “Winchester, um, Dean Winchester,” _dammit, what the hell was wrong with him_?!

Cas is gonna think he isn’t happy with the surprise and despite his weird-ass reaction to Julian, it flattered him that his lover had put so much effort into planning their date. His boyfriend gave him a quizzical, yet not judgmental look and he could do nothing else but shrug lamely, though he quickly quirked his lips into a diminutive smile to save face.

Before they could exchange words, Julian prompted, “Please follow me sirs. Is this your first visit to St. Germaine’s?” whilst he spoke, he walked in front of them and pointed out different sections of the place. A whiff of herbs and expensive meats, of pasta and savory sauces swirled inside Dean’s nostrils and seduced his stomach; straightaway he felt his mouth water and his taste buds perk. He was picky with his food, but damn, the chefs in this place seriously knew their way around the kitchen if the heavenly aroma was something to go by.

“Yes, it is,” Cas replied as his eyes scanned around with interest. His hand remained glued to Dean’s back.

“The well-lit Main Dining Room’ with its high ceilings, pendant lamps, golden walls, and rich burgundy carpet, multiple dark wood tables and chairs elegantly dressed with white tablecloths, as well as candles and fine glasses was like one of those rooms you see in high end magazines. Half the tables were occupied; three older couples dressed to the nines, a couple probably in their mid-twenties looking at each other like whipped puppies, and at another table a group of ladies sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to a dude that was almost on the brink of tears.

‘The Main Bar’ was set to his left side. He was impressed by the extensive display of wine bottles, rack after rack of what looked like vintage wines. Dean wondered how much money a bottle of a fine aged wine would cost at a place like this. Not that he drank wine or any kind of alcohol for the matter, not anymore, but he was naturally curious. As they passed, he let his hand caressed the counter’s polished wood, it was as smooth as baby skin. A few pillar candles, bottles of wine and a flower vase that held blood-red roses decorated it.

A couple of gals, dressed in simple but fashionable cut dresses sat side by side talking animatedly. Except their chatter came to halt when Cas and he passed by. His lover didn’t notice, too busy studying every inch of the place, but Dean did give them one of his most charming smiles. He wasn’t flirting, just being polite.

Next to the bar was the ‘Piano Nook’ where a gorgeous, glossy black grand piano (“That is a classic grand, Dean; it’s often referred to as ‘the perfect piano’ by pianist all over the world,” Cas had whispered with visible excitement weaving his words. How the heck Cas knew that? Unless his boyfriend also knew how to play, which in all honesty wouldn’t surprise him), stood proud as it waited for a pianist to take a sit and bring to life the music within. He wasn’t one to listen to classical music on a daily basis, but whenever he felt distraught that was his to go music.

“Well, then I am sure this will be the first of many more visits Mr. Novak, Mr. Winchester,” Julian declared with the confidence and pride only a person sure of the quality of their service would dare to voice. They continued the tour in silence as Julian explained the Bistro’s history. While they walked, they managed to sneak in a few amused side-glances as they listened to Julian gush about each room.

‘The Baroque Room’ was more spacious than The Main Room and even more luxurious. Dean’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets when they landed on the biggest crystal chandelier he has ever seen in his life. The tables and chairs were in the same style and color as the ones in the main room, same white tablecloths and tableware. The burgundy carpet seemed to run throughout all the rooms. But this room had wall-papered walls, copper as the background patterned in vertical golden stripes. Sconces and baroque style paintings decorated the walls. An unpretentious brass fireplace stood at a corner; a painting over the mantle and golden candle stick holders and lit candles highlighted it. Four out of the eight tables were occupied by almost the same mix as the main dining room. It had a nice ambiance, between sophisticated and cozy, which was an unusual mix but worked.

Dean’s belly was starting to get ravenous and he didn’t want to give a show. How big was this joint and when was Julian finally going to take them to their table? Cas, the always composed bastard was enjoying every second; his expression bright with excitement as if a child at an amusement park. It made a trill of affection stream over his being and he wanted those eyes to be on him once again. He missed his boyfriend’s gravelly voice and his intoxicating touch and the satin garland of his smile.

Next was ‘The Concerto Room’, the tables and chairs were made of honey-colored wood, but with the same table setting plus vases that held colorful bouquets of flowers. The walls donned the same wallpaper as in The Baroque Room, in addition to golden plated paintings as well as chair rail in dark wood. The lights were dimmed and candlelight reigned supreme. Half of the room was full as well. Was this tour given to all first-timers or was it something Cas asked for when he made the reservation?

“And finally ‘The Symphony Alcove’; it’s our only VIP table and also the most coveted. We usually have more than a dozen calls daily to reserve this room for Friday night and the weekend. The menu offered to the guests at this table is exclusive, meaning that it is only available to a lucky few every month,” Julian explained as his eyes shimmered with pride.

All Dean could think was, _‘Oh my fucking God, this shit must cost a crap load of money’_. His eyes wandered around the room as they took in the florid golden-colored walls as well as the enormous round golden framed flowery painting highlighting the main wall. The lavish mahogany crown molding, chair rail and wainscoting added to the opulence of the compact space. The chairs and table matched the ones in the rest of the rooms, except the tablecloth was pressed down by a squared piece of glass, which reflected the romantic candlelight coming from glimmering golden candle sticks. He didn’t doubt the candelabrum was made of real gold. A small crystal vase in the middle held white and pink lilies. An array of wine and water goblets, vibrant white porcelain trimmed in brilliant gold dinnerware and even the flatware, which he suspected was genuine silver was as immaculate as the crisp white linen napkins.

Everything in this restaurant, but especially in this room screamed royalty and he didn’t know how to feel about it; though that changed as soon as Julian spoke the next words.

“And today, Mr. Novak and Mr. Winchester,” Julian said as he cast his eyes upon them, “You are part of the fortunate few to enjoy such a sumptuous menu,” he finished with a flourish.

Dean’s mouth spoke before Julian’s words had settled in his brain, “What?!” And immediately he winced at the reverberations of his shocked voice in the small space.

His eyes flitted from Julian’s satisfied smile (dude was strange as hell) to Cas’s pleasantly surprised, but impressed countenance. _How much money did Cas dished out to get this reservation? And how much does each entrée costs?_ No, no, this was too much. Of course he was gonna pay for his half, but still. Cas didn’t have to do this to impress him, because Dean was already gone on him. Dean wasn’t hurting for money and it wasn’t like he was stingy, especially not on a date with Cas. But he didn’t want his boyfriend to think he had to do grand gestures to woo him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? 
> 
> Frank Sinatra's 'The Way you Look Tonight' inspired the tittle of this chapter. I think it was fitting as they were utterly enraptured with each other. 
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	27. ~All of This is New to Me~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date continues~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, 
> 
> Enjoy the rest of the date. This chapter is entirely from Dean's POV.
> 
> Happy reading!

** From The Depths Of Despair, You Saved Me **

** Chapter 27: All of This is New to Me~ **

Dean was beginning to break a sweat when his boyfriend’s lips sprawled into a delighted grin. Cas’s hand trekked up his spine and over the slightly tense line of his left shoulder, and then down his left arm in a languid caress. And just like that, the cyclone spiraling in his mind abated into a gentle zephyr. His lover knew he had lots of questions, but first they needed to be alone.

“Please enjoy your visit and take your time savoring your meals and wines. Your hostess will be with you shortly. It has been a pleasure to be in your company,” Julian stated as he bowed (he bowed!!! Who does that?! It wasn’t like they were at a Japanese restaurant or royalty). Yet Dean had to hand it to the guy, because he took his job seriously and was a true professional.

“Thank you, Julian,” was Cas’s sincere response.

Dean was beyond relieved when Julian left the room; thus he let out a sight that had been scorching his lungs since he first saw the odd man. His lover took a few steps towards the table and pulled out one of the chairs, and then he murmured, “Please have a sit, Dean,” and he did.

“Thanks Cas,” he said as he sank down on the comfy chair and his hands settled on his taut thighs. His eyes followed his boyfriend’s form as he took a seat on the chair beside him. Once seated, Cas grabbed the linen napkin on the service plate and put it on his lap, and Dean followed suit. In that moment, he was extremely grateful for his mom’s relentless lessons on table etiquette. His lover then fixed him the most doting look he had ever gotten in his adult life; to say his heart nearly melted and his body felt boneless would be an understatement.

Before Cas could lace a word, Dean shook his head and quickly added, “But you didn’t have to do this man. How did you managed to get this ‘coveted’ (he even made air quotes for fucks sake!) table? You didn’t have to do this, it’s too much.”

Cas was about to speak when a slender and petite dark-haired women entered the room. Her keen dark brown eyes matched the oddly knowing smile upturning the corners of her mouth; it made Dean feel expose and uncomfortable just as with Julian. _Dammit, what was going on with him tonight?_ He tried to remain calm and collected for Cas’s sake and his own. Tonight is supposed to be special; he won’t allow anything to ruin it for them.

“Good evening, Mr. Novak and Mr. Winchester. My name is Ruby and I will be your hostess for the night. Should I get you started with a glass of one of our vintage wines or would you like to hear the Chef’s special before you look through the menu?” Her sultry voice flowed easily and sure out of her mouth, but at the same time it had a vexing quality to it. As with Julian, he wanted her gone as soon as possible and no— he wasn’t happy feeling like an asshole about strangers who haven’t done anything to him. Dean just wanted the feeling of wrongness to disappear and to be embosomed once again in Cas’s heartening peace.

His boyfriend’s gaze drifted to his face and at his lame shrug and most probably his disconcerting expression; he responded, “Good evening, Ruby. We will have water for now. Can we please have a few minutes to look at the menu?”

“Of course, please take your time. I will be back shortly with the water, as well as a loaf of our freshly baked beer bread and warm honey butter,” and with those words she padded out of the room and they were once again alone. A short sigh sprinted out of his mouth at the same time he rested his back against the chair and his shoulders relaxed a smidgen.

“Dean, are you okay? You look somewhat upset. Is the restaurant not to your liking?” his boyfriend questioned with a concerned expression in his limpid blue eyes. _Shit, once again I worried Cas with my inability to camouflage my internal freak-outs._ It seemed he didn’t need help in screwing things up; he could do that perfectly well on his own. But now wasn’t the time to indulge in a ‘let’s make a list of Dean’s fuckups’ session, because he needed to erase that look off of his lover’s handsome face.

Dean cleared his throat and without breaking eye contact, he rasped, “I’m fine, it’s just that ‘m not used to fancy places like this.”

At his words, he caught a glimpse of shame sparkle in Cas’s gaze before it was expertly concealed. He felt his heart clench at the knowledge that he had caused that; apparently he didn’t know how to express himself well enough to avoid misunderstandings. Dean was about to clarify what he had truly meant to say when Cas’s words speared his ears.

“I am sorry, Dean, for deciding on my own and bringing you to a place that makes you feel unsettled. Do you wish to leave?” Each word was imbued with understanding and absent of anger, yet to Dean they felt as if lashes against his skin. So he quickly shook his head while his left hand lifted to wrap around the nape of his neck; blunt fingernails scratched at an inexistent itch as he stringed the words anxiously waiting to roll off his tongue.

“Cas, dude no, I-I didn’t mean it in that way. This place is amazing and I’m happy you put so much effort into planning our date. But you didn’t have to go out of your way and reserve the freakin’ VIP table; I would have been more than okay going to Saltgrass or Olive Garden. Bet this ended up costing you one of your nuts,” he noticed how his words had an immediate effect on Cas’s mood, which in turn had an effect on him. The veil that had momentarily obscured Cas’s eyes with embarrassment and tinged his cheeks with shame disintegrated in a microsecond, and right away his demeanor was overtaken by unadulterated mirth.

“I know I didn’t _have_ to do this, but I _wanted_ to do it, Dean. It’s our official first date and I wanted to make it special for both of us,” he explained as steady hands folded over his lap and his serene eyes honed in on Dean’s unblinking ones. “On Monday morning, I spoke with Kali of my desire to bring you here and all of a sudden she was on the phone with one of her students, who happens to be one of the owners of this place. Kali owns a yoga studio here in downtown and the lady is a very good friend of hers, so when she explained the situation to Mrs. Beaumont, the reservation was made on the spot. What I didn’t know was that she had reserved the best table in the house for us,” Cas sounded as impressed as Dean felt, even though he must be used to dinning at swanky places like this one. His boyfriend looked like he belonged here; surrounded by ornate furniture and classical music, vintage wines and exquisite food.

Dean couldn’t help but feel inadequate.

“So please do not concern yourself with how much money I spent to reserve this ‘coveted’ table,” Dean was ready to protest, but his lover held up a hand to stall his words and continued, “Because I didn’t have to pay the fee, Mrs. Beaumont refused to accept it. But if I _had_ to, I would have done so with utmost pleasure, because you deserve the best, Dean,” his boyfriend’s words oozed with sincerity— sincerity that seeped into every fiber of his being and strengthened the trust he felt for his angel. Before Cas uttered his next words, he leaned in closer to Dean; a humorous look speckled his eyes as he whispered, “And my nuts are intact, they thank you for your concern.”

At his boyfriend’s shit-eating grin, Dean couldn’t help but crack an equally broad smile. When he swatted his lover’s right upper arm playfully, a light chuckle emerged from Cas’s mouth. The sound rippled through Dean like a fresh fall breeze between prismatic leaves. His heart fell victim to an almost violent burst of affection that quaked his foundations. _How did Cas do it, center him and at the same time swirl him about like tumbleweed across the ground?_ He was plucked out of his reverie once again by the sandpaper timbre of his man’s voice.

“We better stop goofing around and look at the menu. Ruby will be back any minute,” Cas said as he leaned back against the chair and reached for the menu in front of him.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Dean didn’t want her in the same room longer than necessary, so he began to go through the menu. God, he sounded like such a dick, but he couldn’t help how his skin crawled at her or Julian’s presence.

The menu was written in both French and English (thank God!); it also listed the prices of each dish, which made him feel more in control. As his eyes glanced at the menu, his stomach growled loudly and instantaneously his cheeks sizzled. His eyes remained glued to the menu, but Cas’s water over gravel chuckled tugged his lips until they hurt. He kicked his lover’s left foot playfully and then murmured, “Shut it Novak.” This of course tickled his boyfriend even more, but if teasing him made joy cloudburst over Cas, then Dean didn’t mind it at all.

After a few seconds, their gazes reluctantly left each other and continued their journey through the extensive menu. With each word he read, his hunger grew; with each glance at Cas, the craving beneath his belly flared. Two types of hunger collided and battled inside of him and he _needed_ to satiate both. When his eyes settled back on the menu, he could feel Cas’s gaze on him; it was a light rainfall and a hailstorm, a conflagration and a lingering wind that effortlessly lassoed him tightly. Without realizing it, he found his eyes no longer focused on letters, but pulled by invisible manacles towards unfathomable depths. And those abyssal oceanic waters stared back at him with something akin to wonder, and his lungs ceased at the same time his heart threw itself in a headlong rush against his ribs. One look from Cas erupted feelings Dean had never experienced before. And the thing was that, it wasn’t the carnal desires that emblazed him—no—it was how Cas _saw_ him; how Cas’s gaze broke through his façade and found the real Dean.

Nobody has ever bothered to invest the time to really get to know him. He had always been a convenient fuck, a wanton body and a pretty face. And because of this as well as his constantly ramifying insecurities and nonexistent trust in others, he always ended up with people who added more poison to his already venomous thoughts.

The moment was fractured when Ruby’s voice and the smell of fresh bread yanked them back to reality. Dean ordered first per Cas’s insistence. Before Ruby left, she asked, “Will you gentlemen like a glass or bottle of our vintage or sparkling wines or will it be Champagne?”

Again Cas’s gaze traveled from Ruby to settle upon Dean in a silent question.

“Do you have anything none alcoholic other than water?” Dean questioned unashamed and with a sense of unfamiliar self-pride, thought Ruby gave him a curious look but made no comment.

Cas’s eyes were quiet guardians trained on him.

“Yes, we do,” and she proceeded to list their selection.

Dean settled on a virgin Piña Colada. He hadn’t had alcohol since the pills incident months ago. Yet he wasn’t gonna lie and deny that he didn’t miss the taste of it sometimes; especially after the nightmares that left him trembling like a leaf. But this self-imposed restriction had helped him remain focused on getting better; he didn’t want to end up like his---, like John.

Never like John.

Cas, on the other hand, picked a fancy glass of ‘Olivier Leflaive Bourgogne Blanc Les Setille’, a Chardonnay which Ruby went on to praise enthusiastically. She also went as far as to give his lover some basic information about the wine, which Dean was completely sure Cas already knew. But Cas, being the polite and gracious man he was listened with unfeigned attention. And Dean just wanted to fuckin’ kiss him for that, but he didn’t, because straddling your boyfriend and making out with him in public like a hungry hyena wasn’t ‘proper’.

Ruby left and once again they were alone juts like Dean preferred it. They shared an ensorcelling look that stung his lips and left him parched, thus he coiled his itching fingers around the water glass and drank. All the while, their eyes remained cast nets on one another—senses ensnared and hearts buoyant. Only the endearing notes of the piano lured them out of their trance, and the smile that softly contoured Cas’s rosy lips, told Dean his boyfriend was familiar with this particular piece of music.

“What got you so smiley Cas?”

Cas’s smile grew an inch on each side, if that was even possible; it accentuated even more the eyes-nose crinkles he had come to adore. In that moment, the saying ‘Your happiness is my happiness’ made so much more sense to him. He felt it in the marrow of his bones and in every atom in his body—how strange for light so bright to inhabit the caliginous chasm in his heart. One more time, his boyfriend leaned in closer to him; his scent a potpourri of sensual caresses to his senses. Dean’s eyelashes fluttered as Cas’s tepid breaths finger-painted goosebumps on his flesh. His hands clutched the napkin on his lap with a grip so tight, he was glad it wasn’t the meat of his thighs.

“Well, first of all you, Dean. The mere sight of you is a blessing in itself,” spoke the sinful bass voice in a susurrus, as his lover’s nose brushed the curves of his left ear. _Flippity fuck_ , this was seduction of the highest level and Cas, the sly bastard was thoroughly enjoying it.

“What a sap,” he retorted in a breathy voice drenched with affection. Another dark chuckle touched him in unexpected places, whilst aflame lips grazed the skin below his ear.

“Mm, I cannot deny that, but it is entirely your fault,” his lover’s hushed tone faded as the last word left his mouth, but it’s effect lingered.

Cas pulled away and straightened in his chair; just in time for Ruby to show up with their drinks and a steaming plate of pan-seared jumbo shrimps with Champagne Dijon sauce on the side. He couldn’t wait to dig in, ‘cause dammit he was freakin’ starving. “Enjoy the appetizer, your entrees will be out shortly,” she stated and then left.

As soon as they were alone, Dean didn’t waste any time and served himself a couple of shrimps. He did wait for Cas to serve himself before digging in with gusto. Fuck, damn shrimps tasted so freakin’ delicious it was a miracle he could contain his approving moans. When his eyelids parted, his lover was looking at him with incandescent eyes that made his cock abruptly twitch. Dean could tease Cas until his cheeks turned crimson, but he didn’t want the staff to kick them out for indecent behavior. Because he knew powerful lust was barely reigned in on both sides and once unleashed, good luck trying to fetter it. So he tore his rebellious eyes from electrifying blues and cleared his throat before he filled the silence.

“C’mon man, you smiled wider as soon as you heard the first notes. Is this your favorite piece of classical music?” Dean wanted to know more about his boyfriend’s likes; he wanted to see more of that smile. As his taste buds relished in the rich flavor of fresh herbs and seasoning coating the shrimps, his eyes once again connected with Cas’. His lover too was now enjoying the delectable appetizer, so he waited patiently for his answer.

A mischievous grin upturned Cas’s lips before he asked, “Why? Are you perhaps jealous, Dean Winchester?”

A heat Dean didn’t know lived under the seat of his heart spread over his chest and up his neck, bloomed on his cheeks and tinted his ears. Dammit, he knew Cas was teasing and yet here he was as red as a cranberry. He has never been like this; a blushing mess at the penetrating looks of a pair of eyes or the stretch of a smile or the sound of laughter, but then again with Cas everything was and felt different. _God, I sound like a goddamned besotted teenager_ , he told himself. And because he was too embarrassed to say anything, he resorted to kick his boyfriend lightly on the shin.

Cas gasped dramatically and winced even more so, and then went on to declare, “I may need your help to walk out of here Dean, that was quite a kick.”

_What a little shit_ , Dean thought as he took in his lover’s delighted expression. He wanted to erase that smile with his lips and paint it all over again with the tip of his tongue. Dean had to shake his head to push aside those thoughts lest his desire wins. Under his breath and with a smile stitched to his lips, he mumbled, “Idjit.”

Whilst Cas cut another piece of shrimp, eyes still gleaming with glee, he confessed, “Well, it isn’t my favorite piece of classical music, but I do enjoy listening to it. It’s one of Claude Debussy’s Preludés, called Voiles. The notes are soft and seem to take flight mid-air. The pianist is doing a good job at capturing Debussy’s impressionistic and abstract style. But if I had to pick one of my favorite renditions of Debussy’s Preludés, I would say Krystian Zimerman does a wonderful job. Though many argue that he doesn’t capture the essence of Debussy’s style as harmoniously as Arturo Benedetti Michelangeli, but I think comparing one to the other is in poor taste.”

_Shit_ , he could listen to Cas’s talk for days on end. The passionate way in which he spoke of the things he loved, everything he knew and the humble tone of his voice made it easy to become enthralled. And the best part was that not even a drop of pretentiousness infused his words.

Dean hadn’t noticed he had stopped the knife mid-cut or that he was staring freakin’ dreamily until his lover said in an undertone, “I am sorry, I must be boring you with all this classical music talk. If Gabe were here, he would be calling me an old man and making fun of me.”

Because his brain was still enraptured by Cas’s brief music lesson, he shook his head fondly and let himself smile. “Nah dude, I’m not bored or I think you’re an old man. I like this type of music too, though I’m no classical music _nerd_ like you,” he joked.

His words startled a laugh from Cas; a laugh that rocked his shoulders and tilted his head back. The same laugh tickled Dean’s belly and made him all warm inside. He believed (and fuck he feels so damn ridiculous) that if magic was real, then it lived within Cas.

_Jesus, he was so fucking screwed._

“Should I take that as a compliment or should I be insulted? First, you declared my taste in cars was awful and then you called me a ‘tea freak’ and now a ‘classical music nerd’. You sure have a lot to say about my interests and preferences. Though I think that my taste in boyfriends redeems me,” Cas murmured while his eyes drew a blueprint of Dean’s face. At that, a pleasant chill trek up Dean’s spine and left him nearly breathless.

Leaning to the side and closer to his boyfriend, he quipped, “Mm, your taste in _this_ boyfriend does redeem you.”

The wink/smirk combination he threw at his lover gave him a glimpse of something he had been dying to see—the moment when Cas’s self-control cracked a bit. Knowing he had been the cause of that made his ego grow three sizes, and maybe not just his ego.

Cas’s smile widened and almost closed his eyes; _freakin’ handsome bastard_ was all Dean could think. “I cannot argue with that, because it is the purest truth.”

Someone fucking tell him how was he supposed to resist tackling this smooth fucker to the floor?! Thank God Cas had more control than he did or probably not thank God; Dean had mixed feelings about his boyfriend’s self-control—he kind of wanted to see it crumble.

To distract himself from those thoughts and also because he was curious, he asked, “So Cas, do you have a middle name? Bet it was a pain in the ass going through school with such a unique name.”

Dean swallowed down the last piece of food in his mouth, rested the fork and knife on the plate, and then dabbed his mouth with the napkin. His tummy was happy, but still not sated. Cas had also finished eating and was now enjoying the wine. He tried not to let the sight his lover’s tongue as it licked wine-flavored lips lure his eyes; it was frikkin’ torture to stay calm.

“I won’t deny it wasn’t irritating to hear my name twisted in malicious tongues, but I didn’t give them the satisfaction of reacting to their taunting. The few friends I had in high school and then in university preferred to call me by my middle name or more precisely by the nickname to my middle name. James is my middle name, but they still call me Jimmy. How about you?” as Cas spoke, affection draped over his face and knitted his voice; it made Dean’s own lips quirk for a second before Cas’ question hit him.

Dean’s back went ramrod straight and the set of his shoulders became tense, but he didn’t let himself clam-up. He blew out all the air in his lungs and slowly drew in a lengthy breath; after his heart had come down to a low trot, he wrenched his eyes from the lilies in the middle of the table. “Jonathan like my father,” the word tasted putrid in his mouth. Dean hadn’t called John by that word since he was 15 and a punch from that man’s steel fist sent him to the hospital. “But no one calls me by that name nor I want anyone to do so…” his stomach swooped violently and nausea threatened to overtake him, but he refused to let John as well as his own weakness turn this moment sour. Water will help, so he grabbed the glass and gulped down half a glass. Dean could feel Cas’s gaze on him, accessing yet heavy with understanding.

Without uttering a word, his boyfriend reached for the crystal water pitcher and poured Dean a full glass. The half-smile gently tugging at his lover’s lips was a balm to his stirred emotions. How Cas did it was a mystery to him, but he was grateful. The piano music floated in the air and their gazes lingered, his body began to relax once again and the stygian thoughts temporarily dissipated from his mind. Dean knew he had to learn how to deal with those feelings on his own, but for now he’ll let his angel’s presence tame the beast.

After a while, Cas curled his fingers around his wine glass and took a drink. The look that overtook his face was definitely orgasm-inducer. What made matters worse was that fuckin’ tongue tempting him as it swept over scarlet stained lips. He swallowed hard and hoped it wasn’t as loud as the tolling bells he heard in his ears. Dean didn’t have time to recuperate when he was swept off his feet once again.

Molten lava-like fingertips seared his flesh as they traced the sturdy lines of his thick fingers. His breath caught and lips parted for air at the same time his body tingled and his heart walloped behind the cocoon of his ribs. Cas’s next words send his brain on a hike and rendered him speechless.

“No vintage wine or food I have ever savored, have tasted better on my lips and in my mouth as the flavor of your exquisite lips,” the titillating words were spoken earnestly and in a wondrous timbre. They sounded unassailable as if they were ‘The Word of God’ and even though Dean’s deep-seated insecurities couldn’t believe them; he roped them in and placed them inside the dusty chest of treasured words inside his heart.

Fuck, Cas shouldn’t say things like this where Dean couldn’t jump him. If to Cas, his lips were better than vintage wine and delicious food, then Cas’s lips were better than all of Dean’s favorite pies. Before he had time to say anything back, Ruby and another server came in bearing trays of finger-licking food. Food that smelled so damn good that he almost drooled. His boyfriend’s amused smile made his cheeks burn and once again Cas’s shin was victim of his foot. The hearty laughter that rumbled in his lover’s chest pulled curious looks from Ruby and the other server. Dean wasn’t strong enough to hold it together and his lips sprawled into an unfettered smile. Freakin’ Cas and his stupidly contagious laughter.

Of course, every thought of flirting was momentarily pushed to the back of his head, when Ruby set down a plate of steaming hot ambrosia in front of him. Medallions of prime beef tenderloin sautéed with mushroom, Dijon, and burgundy wine reduction sauce, coupled with a generous amount of fries and seasonal vegetables. Cas’s plate looked equally scrumptious; 6oz cold water Australian lobster tail, gulf shrimp, jumbo lump crabmeat, and sea scallop paired with sherry, tarragon Béchamel sauce as well as a baked potato. After saying their thanks and being left alone, they both dug in with intemperate enthusiasm. If he was barely capable of restraining his moans as the delicious appetizer, now he didn’t have it in him to rein them in. He thought that if his stomach could orgasm, it would have done so a handful of times. And apparently Cas was in the same boat; it was a weird mix of non-sexual moans and carnal lust.    

As they enjoyed the delectable meal, they exchanged lighthearted but important stories.

Dean told Cas of his escapades with Jo to dive bars and risky pool hustling when they were in college. About how Bobby had taught him everything he knew about how to fix cars when he was 15 and his summers spent at the garage fiddling with cars. He also told Cas about his winter breaks spent in the kitchen, helping his mom bake pies and cookies, bread and cakes from scratch. It felt good, more than good to share these cherished memories with _this_ man who listened to every word he spoke with rapt attention, as if he was revealing the secret to immortality.

In turn, Cas spoke of his love for astronomy and the birthday he got his first telescope— a gift from his dad. He went on to talk about shooting stars with such passion, that Dean had to force himself to stay seated and not wrangle him in and kiss him. His lover also told him about the summers spent at his friend’s Cain bee farm and of the time Gabe and Balt took him to get his first lap dance (from a guy and a gal).

Cas fed him some of his lobster and crab meat with Béchamel sauce; it tasted so good Dean could have eaten the entire plate. He also fed Cas some of his sautéed beef tenderloins with green peppercorn Brandy sauce. Their almost in sync twin moans almost made them choke. If the tension didn’t kill Dean first, the wait certainly would. After they had practically licked their plates clean and guzzled their drinks, Ruby came by with the dessert menu. And why, oh, why did he look at it? He was already nearly full to the brim, but who the heck could resist chocolate silk pie with a Graham cracker crust?!

Dean was strong but not that strong, so they ended up splitting a piece. He almost had a heart attack when Cas’s thumb swept over the corner of his mouth and wiped off some left-over whip cream, which his boyfriend then ended up licking. And dammit if that wasn’t hot as all get out. He should be given a medal for remaining physically composed, even if his heart was in complete anarchy.  

To say he didn’t want this night to end was oversimplifying it, because every second in Cas’s company was dreaming while awake. Dean wanted more of this feeling. He had become so greedy and spoiled that it scared him. Yet he wouldn’t change the way he was feeling for a false sense of peace.

A while later, Ruby brought the check and before he could move his hand to get a hold of it, Cas had snatched it. His boyfriend wiped out his credit card and Ruby was out the door. Right away, he fixed his lover with an annoyed look, his arms splayed on the sides and palms up.

“Dude what the heck? I was gonna pay at least for my half.”

Cas scooted over in his seat and his hands swathed one of Dean’s in their pleasant warmth. Sly, sly man. Cas knew one touch from him always did him in.

“Dean, I asked you out on this date. Please don’t be upset with me and let me pamper you.”

“Cas---,” before he could continue his boyfriend added.

“How many times have you fed me since we met?”

Dean’s brow furrowed and his head tilted to the side. Where was Cas going with this? Cooking has always been one of the few things he enjoyed, and it made him happier beyond measure to see Cas eat the food he prepares with unrivaled gusto. Before he could form the question, his boyfriend answered it.

“Your food to me tastes better than the five-star meal I just ate. Therefore, it’s worth more than the numbers on that check. So please let me take care of it, Dean,” and once again Cas had left him thunderstruck and dizzy. Good thing he was sitting down.

Ruby came back with Cas’s card. After Cas signed the check, they said their thank yous and bade Julian goodbye on their way out.

With bellies full and hearts even fuller, the drive back home was as quiet as it had been on their way to the restaurant. The only difference was the undercurrent of white-hot feelings that thrummed underneath the surface of his skin. Such feelings reduced him to basic want and raw need for this man who had managed to burrow impossibly close to Dean’s heart. He felt enslaved by the quiet breaths and furtive glances, tender hands and hallowing words that seemed to seamlessly twine around his heart like a gilded crown of newly sprouted laurels.

Once they had arrived to Dean’s house, Cas walked him to the front door. They stood a hairsbreadth away from one another. Inquisitive gazes searched until they found what they were looking for as breaths intermingled and lips welded in a succulent kiss. Their arms found their way around each other’s bodies whilst thorough tongues consumed each other.

Between sucks and nips and scorching body heat, Dean whispered, “ _Cas_ , please stay with me tonight.”

And without knowing how Dean had managed to unlock the door blindly, Cas found himself being tugged by his tie and dragged inside the house.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> Just FYI, next chapter will have explicit content and manips. 
> 
> Thanks for reading :)
> 
> [Please visit me on tumblr](http://destiel-is-cockles-fault.tumblr.com/)


	28. A message to my readers~

Hi guys, 

I'm sorry I haven't posted a new chapter in the past month. I started writing the next chapter and I was very excited about it. I love this story and Cas and Dean as well as all the other characters. I appreciate your feedback because it always motivates me. When I read your comments I feel like this story is good and keeping you interested. But I'm just feeling so discouraged and disheartened right now. I don't know when the next chapter will be written. I don't know if I should or will keep writing this story or any other Destiel/cockles fanfics for the matter. It's really hard coming into a fandom where there are so many already established, famous, favorite writers, and try to make a space for myself. 

Know that I'm beyond thankful to all of you who have left me comments chapter after chapter, you kept me going. I'm just too enveloped in dark thoughts and doubts about my writing to sit down and give Cas and Dean and all of you something touching and beautiful. 

Love you all, you have my sincere gratitude from the bottom of my heart, 

Kat~


	29. ~Clay at Your Fingertips~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex, fluff & angst (that's it)~
> 
> PS: Explicit images /language.
> 
> Thank you Alone-in-my-dark-world for the amazing manips (she used to be on Tumblr but no more. I hope you are doing well, if you read this).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, 
> 
> First of all, I want to express my sincere gratitude to all of you who took the time to leave me such nice and encouraging messages on my last post. Your words carried me as I wrote this chapter. So, THANK YOU SO MUCH, you are the best!!!
> 
> Second, sorry for the long wait but I like to flatter myself and think it was worth the wait. 
> 
> Lastly, enjoy this very long, *explicit* chapter (the rest of the chapters won't be as long).
> 
> Happy reading!

 

** From The Depths Of Despair, You Saved Me **

**Chapter 28: ~Clay at Your Fingertips~**

Once they were inside the house, Cas found himself firmly pressed up against the door by a very eager Dean. To say he couldn’t think straight or breath was putting it mildly. Dean’s body was a solid column of red-hot flames against his own afire body. His lover’s arms thrown around his neck purposely confining him and desperate hands knotted in his hair shy of painful, the insistent roll of Dean’s hips as his erection ground against Cas’s cotch, and his insatiable tongue determined to make a blueprint of the inside of his mouth weren’t the main reasons he felt his flesh burn and his brain shot-circuit. Those actions _added_ to the already existing inferno that has been slowly building between them since they met a few weeks ago.

Yes, he wasn’t going to deny he had been ensorcelled by the vivid green fields bespattered with gold as soon as they settled upon him the very day they met or that his lips hadn’t been begging to give themselves over as an offering to the freckled canvases of Dean’s cheeks, but it was something else; a connection stronger than physical aesthetics. It might sound ludicrous and childish to others, but his heart’s intuition has always had a keen discerning quality to it. And the times he had chosen to ignore it and override it with logic, it had come back to punch him in the gut. Castiel has never been a person who is easily swept off his feet by beauty no matter how exquisite. He has always been more about substance and soul-deep bonds. And with Dean that had happened instantaneously as if the universe had strategically schedule their meeting at the exact time a planetary alignment was to take place.   

 Cas noticed, now that his mind had caught up with the situation, that one of his hands was splayed possessively on the dip of his boyfriend’s back, whilst the other cupped the left side of his neck as his thumb distractedly traced the sharp line of Dean’s jaw. His erection strained against the zipper of his slacks; it was almost painful when it rubbed against Dean’s equally hardened manhood. But to his surprise, the sensation was weaved with raw pleasure which made his blood stew and his hips respond in kind. Their quick coming breaths and flint striking tinder undulations, their curious tongues tangled in a sinful mess and mischievous teeth nibbling at tingling lips— all of it made unfettered desire take root and bloom in every molecule inside his body. But what truly swelled his heart to the point of making him dizzy were the series of repressed moans and groans that sneaked out of his lover’s pineapple flavored lips.

He didn’t like the thought of Dean reining back the sounds of his excitement, because they were lovely and real and they told Cas of his boyfriend’s enjoyment. The knowledge that he was the cause of this deluge of lust and emotions moved his arms to cinch around his lover’s waist. As soon as they did, he felt as Dean paused all movement— even his breathing ceased momentarily. Cas had descried in a few occasions this same reaction from his freckled beauty; Dean would tense up if approached suddenly or held in tight embraces, even from family members. Immediately, he loosened his hold and let his eyes search the gorgeous face not even an inch away from his own. He found: hooded eyes obscured with want and ragged breaths wrecked by need, but also vestiges of worry and frustration, which were hastily concealed from his gaze. He wanted to ask Dean what was bothering him; what came to mind when Cas’s arms gripped tightly around his midriff, but he already had his suspicions. It must be the ghost of **_that man_** , that scum of the earth who shattered more than bones and whose words cut deeper underneath bruised skin; that man who almost robbed Dean of his life; the man who in a way had stolen vital parts of his lover’s life— his peace, trust, and safety as well as his self-worth.

 ** _That beast_** was the reason his boyfriend walked around guarded and always alert, looking over his shoulders and always carried his gun. The gun he could feel dangerously gelid against his lower left arm despite being covered by Dean’s suit jacket; it rested in the inside-the-waistband dark brown leather holster secured over Dean’s belt. His lover had said it was ‘for protection’ that day that seemed so far away now; the day when he had begged Dean to let him inside the house and he had witnessed one of his heart wrenching nightmares.

‘For protection’ meant a bullet between Andrew’s eyes. And even though Cas wasn’t one to resort to violence or support it, he couldn’t blame Dean for wanting revenge. What that beast did to his Dean was unforgivable. But he didn’t want Dean to---

Cas’s train of thought was thoroughly manhandled by Dean’s foraging lips once again attacking his mouth. His boyfriend had found renewed determination and he could physically feel the violent force of the battle waging inside Dean’s being. Hibiscus-like lips, tinged the color of ripe strawberries searched for something in the heat of Cas’s mouth. A persistently wending tongue flicked over his stinging lips and coaxed them apart, and then instantly merged with pliant ones in a candescent reunion. The hectic kiss and his lover’s hands trailing down his fevered neck to his loose tie, the expert thick fingers that moved briskly to rid him of it and then quickly slithered down to unbutton his shirt, as well as the brazen rutting of Dean’s hips against Cas’s steel hard erection almost made him forget the paper burning with impatience in his breast pocket.

It took every drop of his self-control and logic to stay Dean’s maddening hips and an even stronger amount of self-denial to pluck his stubborn lips away from Dean’s effusive kiss. Yet Dean wasn’t having it; a low noise that sounded between a growl and a groan reverberated against Cas’s spit slicked lips before his boyfriend’s mouth once again assaulted them. Cas swallowed and the sound was absorbed by Dean’s thirsty mouth; he wanted nothing more than to let passion widespread inhibited, but this was important. So he allowed his eyelids to reject the dim light spilling from the kitchen at the same time one of his hands clutched obstinate hips, and after he had stayed them, his right hand surged up to cradle the back of his boyfriend’s head.  Now Dean’s mouth no longer rendered his vocal cords useless to form words, nevertheless, his lover was utterly distracting mouthing hotly at his neck.

“Wait, De- Dean. Please wait. I-I have something to tell you, something that, uh, that you need to know.” Cas was surprised how rough his voice sounded; low and almost dismantled just like his body felt from Dean’s sweltering attentions.

An annoyed groan vibrated against his lips once again before Dean murmured, “Can’t it wait ‘til after? I’m kinda dyin’ of blue balls here, Cas.”

Cas shook his head and he hoped that despite how lust-wrecked he must look, his determination would percolate through his voice. “No, you need to know before we go any further.”

At his grave tone, Dean’s lips slowly relinquished their hold on his neck and his lover’s broad hands loosened their grip on his protruding hipbones, and readily retreated to his own waist.

“What is it, Cas?”

Dean’s tone as well as his body language changed so fast Cas almost got whiplash. They still claimed each other’s personal space, but the lack of contact and the inch between them was nearly unbearable. He prayed Dean didn’t deem him unworthy of his purifying touch after his confession. This moment felt more nerve-racking than the first time he received the Sacrament of Reconciliation when he was eight years old, because the person who was listening to his sins wasn’t a faceless priest behind the screen of a musty confessional but Dean, and Dean was someone he wanted in his life forever if that is what Dean desired. He could feel those ivy green eyes willing him to open his frightened ones; he could feel their pull as they tried to decipher his thoughts. A long sigh deflated Cas’s lungs before he finally opened his eyes and settle them upon their concerned counterparts.

“A few months, before I met you, I was in a very dark place as I had mentioned before. After what happened with Sebastian I became terrifyingly self-destructive; it wasn’t only the almost drinking myself unconscious kind of destructive, but the…um, I-I slept around a lot. I had never been a person to do that kind of thing, but my life was a disaster at the time. I would sleep with whoever approached me at those seedy bars I frequented on the weekends. I didn’t discriminate. I just needed to forget, and one-night stands, well, they became my escape. Those kind of emotionally detached encounters allowed me to shut off all my emotions which was what I desperately wanted. But I thank God that I wasn’t so far gone that I disregarded my health in that aspect and I always used protection. After I came back to myself again and sought professional help, I stopped visiting those places entirely and went to get a thorough examination. I am clean and to prove it I-”

“Shh, Cas. So you’re clean?” interrupted Dean at the same time his pointer finger sealed Cas’s lips.

“Yes,” was his brief reply.

The drag of his lips as they opened to expel the short response trapped heat between Dean’s finger and his mouth. And despite his entire being feeling on edge by the admission as well as the convoluted emotions bubbling in his heart, the main feeling that dominated his soul was the _need_ for his lover’s acceptance. All of him wanted nothing more than to taste the delectable saccharine flavor of those persuasive lips. Cas wanted to show them his devotion; he wished to adored them until they were tender and bruised, scarlet and throbbing. If he was only allowed to do one thing for the rest of his life, it would be without a doubt to be a slave to Dean’s lips. Easily, he was forklifted out of his introspection by his boyfriend’s forthright response.

“Then I don’t see the problem. You had been through a fucked up breakup and that was your way to cope. You’re only human, Cas. And I’m not a saint, so I understand.” His lover’s uncritical words and the unwavering gaze of understanding eyes shook him to the core of his being. He was struck dumb; his thoughts frozen in place by the trustful ironclad words.

As he was still victim of the shock, Cas clumsily questioned, “What? So you are- you are just going to believe me without asking for prove?” His hands resting on his sides had been stiff cold, but now the warmth from Dean’s sincerity have begun to thaw the frost that had spread throughout his body. 

Moving closer and finally erasing the agonizing inch that separated them, Dean’s hand traveled up to cup his cheeks. Their gentle touch was reassuring, thus Cas surrendered to their spell and leaned into the touch. His gaze never left the verdure of his lover’s eyes— he couldn’t, he wouldn’t. Dean was a lodestone and he was iron; it was impossible for him not to give into the magnetism of this beautiful man. 

“Cas, angel, you don’t know how to lie. You’re too transparent. I’ve met all kinds of people and I _know_ a liar from miles away. My gut feeling tells me you aren’t one. You wouldn’t be here if you were one.” Dean’s voice was a tantalizing susurration sweeter than molasses. Cas felt expiated by the holy-water-like words and made anew by the warmth of Dean’s breath against his lips. 

“Dean…”

“Now, can we continue?”

“Yes, but first can you please look at this? Prove that my words are real even if you don’t require it.” As he spoke, Cas’s right hand reached for a piece of paper inside his breast pocket and then handed it over to Dean.

“What’s this?” his boyfriend questioned, brow furrowed as he eyed the folded piece of paper in his hands.

“Open it,” Cas urged. His heart was still drumming off-beat; too many intense emotions, feelings, and thoughts have caused a release of adrenaline in his bloodstream— it made his feet tap the floor awkwardly and his hands twitch involuntarily.

As Dean carefully unfolded the piece of paper and read the results, Cas’s eyes honed in on his tranquil countenance. He waited for his freckled beauty’s gaze to settle back upon him with child-like anticipation. His heart was aflutter at the thought of being allowed to discover and explore what was neatly wrapped up in fine clothes. Not his eyes but his ears made him aware that Dean was done reading; the crisp sound wave the paper produced as his lover fold it back fractured his concentration. Solemn blue eyes minutely searched the inscrutable expression in front of them. Yet clear green eyes didn’t meet his until Dean had placed the paper back in his breast pocket. Dean’s left hand lay still over Cas’s out of tune heart as the other gently spread between his cheekbone and neck; their touch instantly siphoned the leftover trepidation tainting his joy. Cas was temporarily stunned into silence, as if he had been all of a sudden teleported to the edges of a misty river at dawn to watch for the first time the miraculous birth of the sun above the horizon.

Dean’s guileless smile and transparent gaze were nothing short of breathtaking, but for him, without a doubt what transcended his lover’s physical beauty was the purity of his soul. Cas was certain that everyone who loved Dean have been conquered by the goodness contained in him. He firmly believed that what lived at the core of the human body spilled over everything a person did, said, and made others feel.

To Cas, Dean’s soul was splendorous—a lighthouse at the shore of a treacherous sea.  

“So I was right then, you’re no liar; you’re as clean as a whistle. I’ll show you my test results when we get upstairs. Now, if you’ll excuse me…” Dean’s words trailed off as he dived in and with one graceful move stole Cas’s lips. Cas didn’t have time to think, only react. So he wound his arms around his lover and brought him as close as their bodies allowed. But it still wasn’t enough, because their clothes were on the way as well as the gun, and so many words haven’t been said yet. Cas still needed to---

Dean’s tongue work as it licked every inch of his mouth, and the calculated rutting against his already hardened member, swatted away every thought in his mind. Now rootlets of desire pulled the strings of his being. Their sweetened tongues coiled in sync, hot and heavy as their breaths, all the while Dean’s hands crept down his back to grab a handful of his ass. A deep groan flitted out of Cas’s throat followed by a low moan from his ravishing boyfriend. Dean’s cock grinding against his steel hard erection lighted up every nerve ending in his body; the rushing sensation moved his hands to bury in short, light brown hair. At the desperate pull of his possessive fingers, Dean’s hips arched and his lips parted in a silent moan trapped in his vocal cords; raven-colored eyelashes fluttered at the speed of butterfly wings before they veiled lust blown pupils. Because his lover’s pomegranate lips were irresistible, Cas obeyed their beckoning call, and promptly sucked and nibbled at them until they were bruised and Dean’s knees buckled.

When heavy lidded eyes settled upon one another, nor green or blue painted their irises but the charcoal shade of searing passion. Guided by their stirred feelings, they began to move away from the door awkwardly. Before they trudged up the stairs, Dean flicked on the lights; it wasn’t in his plans to trip and fall just because he was too horny to think about safety. In a mess of frantic limbs and mouths refusing to break the rapacious kiss stealing their breaths, they toed off their shoes and then stumbled up the steps. Ties, jackets, and socks were haphazardly discarded on the way by impetuous fingers.

Once upstairs, Dean dragged Cas inside his bedroom and closer to the night table. He broke the kiss and his stinging lips immediately lamented the absence, but he didn’t dwell on it because the faster he gets this ‘formality’ so to speak, out of the way, the faster they could get back to enjoying the good part. So without flicking on the lamp, he opened the drawer; quick fingers reached for his leather holster and efficiently rid him of it, he then put it away in the drawer. Dean had noticed the many concerned and wary looks Cas had fixed on his gun, though he has never made a judgmental comment or asked why he carries it with him everywhere, he must know Dean’s intentions.

One day, if God was real and fair, he would deliver that motherfucker to face Dean’s justice and he will get his revenge. Just the thought of that dipshit filled his blood with deadly nightshade, but he wasn’t about to let him taint this moment. No— no, it wasn’t fair to Cas to have to share Dean with his ghosts. It wasn’t fair to him either. Enough.

Dean pulled out a folded piece of paper out of the drawer and handed it over to Cas without looking at him. From the corner of his eyes, he caught his lover’s focused expression which made his heart hopscotched. Damn man was so fucking attractive it was a miracle how Dean was still functioning. His hands moved around the drawer and grabbed the necessary items: an unopened box of lubricated condoms and an almost full bottle of lube. Embarrassment dyed his cheeks ruby, he felt so eager it was kind of pitiful. He hadn’t been in the mood for hooking up or fucking just for the sake of scratching the itch, not since he nearly died a few months ago. And yes, he had used some sex toys and his hands were experts at getting him off, but hell if he felt painfully hollow afterwards.

Not even once since becoming an adult, could he say he has ever had a fulfilling and serious romantic relationship with deep feelings involved. And he wanted that, oh God how he wanted that; Dean had yearned for it for years. Yet the pain of repeated failure had been so intense he had decided to whelve that wish so far down his heart, he thought he had forgotten about it.

Until now. Until Cas and his candid eyes little by little illuminated that rayless corners of his soul. Until shovel-like words excavated what Dean thought was dead.

A sharp rustle pulled him out of his thoughts, and when he looked back into twinkling blues, his lips parted slightly in an inaudible gasp. Eyes full of humor almost distracted him from the most endearing crooked grin.

“Clean as a whistle,” Cas uttered with a gummy smile.

And because Dean was done holding back, he stepped forward and crashed their lips together. He swallowed Cas’s surprised gasp as he drank in the comically wide-eyed look on his favorite pair of eyes.

 The fiery kisses and clever fingers expertly scattering a multitude of electrifying caresses almost made Dean swoon from overwhelming excitement. Too many layers of clothes separated their flesh and for him that was unacceptable. Suddenly, an uncontrollable craving for skin-to-skin contact blasted through him so violently it left him panting. Because his body knew what he desperately wanted, his hands released their insistent hold on Cas’s silky hair and firm ass, and then clumsily flew up to the second button of his own shirt. His actions were immediately followed by breathless words.

“C’mon Cas, just take ‘em off…here, I’ll help-”

Lifting his hands up to stay his lover’s impatient fingers from proceeding any further, Cas murmured a husky, “No.”

The quizzical look apple green irises fixed on him told Cas he needed to fend off the spiny thoughts puncturing Dean’s mind.

At Cas’s reply, his heart clenched abruptly. _Didn’t Cas want him? Had he read him wrong?_

As if on cue, Andrew’s contemptuous voice speared his brain. **_Who would want you, Dean? You are nothing but a mangled thing. A depressive, emotional trainwreck. A needy, pitiful, and dysfunctional sack of meat. The more Castiel gets to knows you, the more disgusted he will feel at your nearness. Soon-_**

_N-No, no, that’s not-_

But before he could voice his thoughts or work himself into an even more anxious mess, smooth fleshy lips caressed the shell of his left ear. Warm breaths tickled the sensitive skin in soft waves causing a pleasurable shiver to sprint up his spine and goosebumps to spread over his heated body. Everywhere Cas touched burned. His boyfriend’s fingertips as they glided down the ridge between his shoulder blades were akin to red-hot pieces of coal turning him into molten flesh. They weren’t even naked yet and Dean felt ready to burst with the overwhelming sensations bustling inside of him. It wasn’t just the typical physical stimulus that transformed his mind into a blank canvas, but also the conscious awareness of a preternatural hunger for everything Cas as well as a sense of indefinite bodily feeling—he was floating whilst rooted to the ground.

And just like that, Andrew’s voice and his mercury-laced words evanesced from his mind.  Cas’s quiet but commanding presence without much effort catapulted—if only temporarily— all the negative thoughts out of his mind. His splayed hands on his man’s back clung tighter; he wished he could persuade his tongue to move and speak, yet he couldn’t. Dean has never been eloquent; he was a man of action, ergo he let his body speak.

As their lips found their way back to each other and fused in a delirious kiss that melded their bodies together, low moans and breathless pants escaped their mouths. The arousing sounds embroidered the silence of the room with the sensual notes of their excitement. Meanwhile, Cas’s hands roamed up and down his chest and back as if lost waves. When the need to breathe disentangled their unwilling tongues, Cas nosed at Dean’s semi-sweaty neck and took a moment to bask in his scent. Though he wasn’t the only one to do so, because Dean too derived enjoyment in the earthy, spicy aroma luring him closer to the tan skin of his lover’s neck.

Scenting each other like wild animals during a mating dance; pheromone drunk, each of their senses were controlled by a mix of intricate feelings and emotions. They stood beside the bed in the dimly lit room— clothed and lost in each other’s presence. Languid brushes of lips and nuzzles of noses, possessive hands clutching one another closer and steamy breaths caressing skin—this wasn’t an emotionally detached physical act—no—it was something _pure_.

_So this is what being in love feels like?_

This was what Sam couldn’t explain and what his mother couldn’t cast out of her heart. At the sudden realization, he forgot how to breathe; his fingernails dug in deeper into his angel’s clothed back and he felt his heart lodge in his throat— he couldn’t fight away the tears that swamped his eyes, yet he didn’t allow them to fall.  

Cas’s scent had become engraved in his pores and the taste of him ran undiluted in his bloodstream. The feel of his lover’s skin on his tongue branded every atom in his body and the strange perception that his fingertips were already acquainted with the lines and curves of Cas’s body was both unsettling and wondrous. But he could tell he wasn’t the only one experiencing a sense of déjà vu; the mild shudder he felt dash up his lover’s body and the way his breath caught in his throat were a clear telltale. Dean was still traversing the corridors of his mind and indulging in the reality of this moment when a voice resembling tree bark whispered in his ear.

“Dean,” Cas quietly breathed with such profound adoring awe it sounded like a prayer.

A quiet whine left him before he could yank it back, which made him burn with shame. Only there was no teasing from Cas only more urgency in his touch. The hands spread on his lower back and between his shoulder blades held on tighter, and so did his own now around his man’s neck.

Dean had known the unrivaled love of a mother and knows the unconditional love of a little brother, and the fierce love of an adoptive family, but _this_ with Cas was a first. Yes, it was perplexing but thrilling, new yet soul binding. And Dean wanted more of it; he wanted to bathe in Cas’s feelings, let them inundate his entire being, and allow the iridescence of their sincerity to repaint happiness in his heart. He knew it wasn’t healthy for his well-being to depend on another and he hadn’t forgotten that to love himself was a priority. But inviting Cas into his life was the first decision he had made since his mom passed away that was not moved by either loneliness or fear, obligation or sexual desire, and it felt so fucking right he almost couldn’t stand how every part of him was so certain of this decision.

“You don’t have any idea how much I have dreamt of this moment. Of how many sleepless nights I have lain awake tracing your figure on the darkened ceiling of my bedroom. And that fresco is still incomplete, because anything I can imagine would never do justice to the beauty of your naked skin. Myriad of freckles are still missing from my painting, and I haven’t been able to replicate the pink of your lips nor the green of your eyes. So, would you allow me to take my time and undress you slowly, Dean?”

Words like a rogue wave in a voice resembling the rumble of a landslide, upended him.

To say Dean couldn’t even think the words he wanted to say was an understatement. _How in hell did Cas expected him to have a functioning brain to give an answer after that smooth-as-fuck delivery?!_ Hence, he nodded because it was the only thing he was capable of doing. His mouth was probably as wide as his eyes felt and the look in his lover’s eyes told him he wasn’t done yet. _Shit!_ His knees felt weak and his head dizzy. Maybe he should just seal those damn tempting lips and for a change be the one to leave Cas speechless, but he decided against it because he didn’t want to cheapen the moment. He wanted to hear more. Yeah, call him sappy, at this point he didn’t really cared; it wasn’t like anyone could hear his thoughts anyway. Christ! Cas had made him greedy for things he didn’t care about before. Dean didn’t know if that was good or bad.

Cupping his cheeks once again, his boyfriend continued, “I want my hands to memorize the temperature of your skin and learn what caresses make it spike. I want my fingertips to remember by blind touch every line and valley, freckle and scar on this strong body of yours. My eyes want to feast on the magnificent sight of you, spread beneath me. My tongue yearns to trace the hidden paths of your freckles, and my lips beg to worship one by one every feature of your face. I have waited so long for this moment, Dean, that it feels I have waited longer than the time we have known each other to drown in the depths of your eyes and rejoice in the golden of your skin.”

Not once, while Cas spoke these words did his gaze shifted or his determination wavered. This wasn’t a meaningless fuck—not to him, and definitely not to Cas, which made this even more unnerving.

“Let me _love_ you slowly, Dean. Allow my lips to kiss you breathless. Please, let me give you all the affection I have to offer.”

Cas’s plea was a mix of hope and fear; the timbre of his voice lined with worry of rejection—maybe Dean wasn’t the only one living with ghosts. Sebastian’s words must be like maggots eating at his boyfriend’s mind, because no one could convince him that the words his lover had voiced during their agonizing ‘shitty-exes’ conversation’ belonged solely to him. (“ _But I was at fault too, I tend to hover around and fuss too much over the people I care about. I have done it with you and we have only known each other for three weeks…”_ ) _._ Cas was afraid his ‘faulty’ way of loving will make Dean leave like that asshole-ex of his did. _Guess I’ll have to prove him wrong_. But for now, he had decided to focus on the words his boyfriend had spoken.

Dean absorbed Cas’s words and swirled them in his head; he memorized them with an almost obsessive zeal. He let them twine around his heart and etch themselves inside its walls. They made his skin itch with unfamiliar desire and his veins tingle with indescribable fondness. Once again Cas had rendered him speechless and wondering if this moment, these past few weeks have been a cruel orchestration by the hands of Morpheus and his opium poppy or maybe he was still at the hospital— his body battered and his spirit broken. Perhaps a kind nurse had taken pity on him and placed a handful of leaves of poppy underneath his pillow—if this was a dream of his future, he didn’t want to wake up. Dreams are forgotten almost as soon as the mind shakes off the embrace of sleep, and he didn’t want to forget this man. He has become selfish.

 Cas being just a dream was like losing hope all over again. And living without hope was hell.  

“Hey gorgeous, where did you go? Come back to me, Dean; to this instant, to _our_ time together. This moment belongs only to _us_ , let’s live it together.” Cas’s voice was so soft, so incredibly soft— a weightless raindrop that brought to life lively eddies and swirls inside his heart. His boyfriend’s words were an autumn breeze, yet his fingertips were drops of flame as they wandered down his cheeks and neck.

Languidly, almost in slow-motion, Cas unbuttoned his shirt. While he did so, Delphinium-colored eyes swept back and forth between the task and Dean’s athirst countenance. He stood there like an awkward statue, letting his lover enjoy the fruits of his supplication, but hell if it wasn’t torturous refraining to join in the action when his boyfriend looked every bit the epitome of a sex god. Once his shirt came off, Cas threw it on the arm chair without looking away from him. Before he got rid of Dean’s undershirt, Cas’s fingers paid special attention to the defined lines of his arms and the shape of his collarbone. The painterly brushwork of caresses followed the pathway of scattered clusters of freckles down his chest. The touch brought about a pleasurable shudder that overpowered his mind.

Dean didn’t know what to make of all of this; the drawn out kisses and meticulous touches, the soft words seeping inside his pores and the reverential gazes. Everything felt foreign to him, and he desperately wanted to cling to the feelings spiraling in his heart. He wanted to treasure the warmth unfurling inside his body and trap each filigree brush of fingertips on his skin. These weren’t the frantic touches to arrive to a climax; this wasn’t a meaningless one-night stand, or a jerkhole chasing his own self-gratification and forgetting about him. No—this was something intimate and the word to define it shone as bright as aurora borealis in his mind. Dean didn’t want to think of it because it was frightening, one of the things he thought he will never experience.

His lover didn’t let his thoughts distract him for long. When Cas’s fingers were done exploring his fevered skin and outlining the shape of his tattoo, they trailed down to his waist. Before his boyfriend began to unbuckle his belt, the oceanic gaze that always made him feel as if he was falling into a bottomless sinkhole, glanced up at him. _Permission_ —he sought— never in his life had he met someone like Cas. Dean nodded as his hands surrendered to the allure of the handsome face in front of him.

“Kiss me,” his man’s lips whispered, the sound only meant for his ears, and Dean happily complied. Cas’s hands framed his waist in a swift move, and their eyes drifted shut at the same time their mouths coalesced into a single unit whose main purpose was to devour one another.

Cas’s lips were as if bees buzzing over pink honeysuckle lips. The flavorsome sweetness of Dean’s palate propelled his tongue to lick it with gusto. Castiel wanted to wrap this one-of-a-kind man into a petal-soft blanket of kisses, and offer Dean all the tenderness he had been wrongfully denied. It wasn’t pity, sympathy or empathy that impelled him towards this righteous man but a profound bond.

Temporarily satiated, their mouths parted. Cas felt his skin burn and sweat, and in the air he could feel as a heavy cloud of passion imbued everything within the room. At Dean’s ruddy cheeks and bruised lips, hooded eyes and sun-licked skin, he gulped loudly. Every inch of his lover’s body inspired a lengthy ode; every part of Dean from his strong heart to his brilliant mind to his fracture body deserved to be exalted. And he wanted to be the one to do it; he _will_ be the one to do it, and to him that was nothing short of a privilege. So he let his hands unbuckle his boyfriend’s belt and his fingers unbutton and unzip the pants, and then slowly revealed the rest of Dean’s body as he kneeled down in front of him. The sculpted-to-perfection face that met his eyes made Cas’s heart almost trampoline up his throat; his lover was lust incarnate—Dean felt it and in turn made him feel it.

Once the pants came off, his finger pads took the liberty to navigate the routes of solid bowlegs, as they did so, a fleet-footed tremor sprinted up Dean’s body; it called forth a quiet moan from fleshy lips and moved unsteady hands to grip Cas’s shoulders. Dean’s erection looked as hard as his own felt straining against his pants, and the knowledge that his touches had caused that to happen made his heart palpitate wildly. He hasn’t felt like this since his first skydive a couple of years ago. His boyfriend always managed to enkindle wonder in him. Unfailingly, his lover’s essence summoned a congregation of disparate feelings that made his heart swell.

Dean Winchester was a poem come to life. And Cas was determined to read him repeatedly until he memorized him, until he could recite him backwards.

Gentle but strong hands cradled the back of Dean’s head and held him by the small of his back, and then guided him down to lay him on the mattress. _I’m not a woman_ , he wanted to scream, but the expression etched on Cas’s features evaporated the words at the tip of his tongue. Dean felt as if a castaway clinging to a piece of driftwood in a useless attempt to stay afloat. Because looking into his boyfriend’s eyes was the same as getting lost in the depths of the seven seas.

Once Cas had deposited him on the bed, his boyfriend began to strip; it wasn’t rushed or meant to be seductive, though his man didn’t need to try too hard to accomplish that. Every inch of sunbaked skin revealed and each piece of clothing that fell onto the floor with a quiet rustle, the lissome movement of his sturdy shoulders and the sharpness of his hipbones, the tautness of his well-defined legs and the mussy nest of fine hair, and those damn tattoos—everything that was part of Cas captivated his senses. Even in the duskiness of the room, he could see the contour of his boyfriend’s erection, which in turn stirred the flames in the lower half of his body into blaze. He couldn’t wait to touch and taste, to hear and see and smell, yet what Dean wanted more than anything was to feel Cas’s touch on his skin once again. To be touched with such devout desire _and_ heartfelt feelings, he couldn’t think of anything that could feel any better.

Still standing, Castiel reached for the lamp and flicked it on, and when he did so, his eyes unashamedly drank-in the vast miles of Dean’s speckled skin. But when his gaze landed on his lover’s left knee, the reminder of the cruelty inflicted upon Dean by **that man** made him seethe with white fury. His hands folded into tight fists as anger infected his blood and made his mouth taste like bleach, yet the feeling quickly transformed into a desperate need to erase the ireful expression defiling his boyfriend’s face _._

**Damn you, Andrew— you, despicable creature! May you never be at peace with yourself.**

Green eyes were no longer cloaked by lust, instead they were clothbound by hatred. They flitted from his gaze—embarrassed— at the same time a deep florid hue spread over freckled cheeks and broad hands grabbed fistfuls of the white comforter. No word seemed capable of breaking the suffocating discomfort that had descended upon the room. A penumbra heavier than a sandstorm threatened to entomb them, but Cas wasn’t about to let it happen. Thus, he let his heart take absolute control and found himself on the bed, between the v of Dean’s legs, and tracing the long, pink, and slightly puffy vertical scar that traversed his lover’s left knee. It felt smooth against his tongue, and he wished his saliva had the power to erase it from existence. Looking at this scar day in and day out, must be to Dean a constant reminder of how he nearly died at the hands of someone he trusted.

At his actions, the divine body beneath him jolted out of surprise, followed by a half aborted sob that rushed through his ears. The dolorous sound was a halberd to his heart—it cut it in half with one swift hit. He wanted to have the power to enter Dean’s mind and shred to pieces all the horrible memories. Castiel wanted to wrap himself around his lover and be his shield. Cas wanted to smite Andrew. He wanted to string a thousand comforting words and whisper them into his boyfriend’s skin. But he didn’t have the power to do any of those things, therefore he did the only thing he could do—love Dean heartily.

Once again, he bent down to trace the healed scar. One of his hands held Dean’s left leg while the other reached up to caress the face looking at him with a throng of indescribable emotions. Luscious dark eyelashes fluttered, blessed lips parted slightly, and clenched fists loosened as Dean leaned into the touch. The tension that made his lover’s body prisoner ebbed away in soft waves as did the fuliginous look marring his eyes.

For now, the ghosts have let them be.

Dean’s chest was close to bursting, victim of a mix of sharp cries, wounded sobs, and maniacal laughter. _Fuck! Fuck!_ The scar that disgusted him, the reminder of his weakness, the mark he hated and wanted gone— Cas accepted it wholeheartedly. His balm-like tongue and lips made it a bit more bearable.

_Who was this man that made him feel clean? Whose eyes calmed his restless soul, whose lips infused lifeblood into his listless heart?_

When Cas’s tongue had ended its journey down the trail of his scar for the fourth time, and his lips had stamped the twentieth kiss upon it, he straightened, and then lowered himself closer to Dean’s body. Not close enough for their skin to touch, but enough to share body heat. Long- fingered hands braced on either side of his head, his eyes widened as they took in cerulean blues fringed by ebony eyelashes. Nothing but the sound of Cas’s deep bass voice would have been capable of seducing his attention. At the same time his gaze flickered to his man’s lips, a dry swallow made it down his throat.

“Do you know that to adore you like this has become one of my greatest pleasures, Dean?”

 _Holy crap!_ He was officially hooked on Cas’s voice. He could probably add ‘Cas whispering sappy words in his ears’ to his short (uh-huh) list of kinks. Because, hot damn, who wouldn’t become addicted to that voice?! It took him a moment to realize his hands were no longer resting on his sides but cradling his lover’s handsome face. Dean wanted to taste those sweet lips again, devour and be devoured— hence that’s exactly what he did. Eager lips collapsed in a sloppy kiss— a mess of vivacious dancing tongues, careful bites and playful sucks. Muffled moans died smothered by curious lips as his hands buried in Cas’s tousled hair. Just a kiss from that mouth and Dean was on the verge of coming. _Well, shit!_

Cas’s hands sailed smoothly up his flanks making his back arc, his legs spread wider and his head tilt back, exposing his throat. His eyes fluttered close and his teeth bit down on an already stinging bottom lip. Quiet moans escaped his mouth as Cas’s finger pads singed invisible fingerprints on his sweat coated skin and a mischievous tongue flicked around a perky nub. It has been so long, so very long since he felt like this, or has he ever really felt like this before? Maybe not, he would remember. Dean was drowning in a kind of pleasure unknown to him until this moment; drugged by nomadic touches, emblazed by tender words, and conquered by a flotilla of wine-flavored kisses.

But just when he thought he had outran his past and that scumbag’s ghost for tonight, Cas’s hands gently pinning his wrists to the mattress suddenly dredge up putrid memories. His lungs felt as if they were lemons being squeezed for lemonade, and his chest and ribs akin to an Iron Maid torture device impaling his heart. Dean didn’t know when the lights had been turned off or when the sound of his breathing had become louder than the blood rushing through his ears, nor when Cas’s hands had released his wrists as if they had been scalded.

_I made things awkward again, fuck!_

Cas was still there, he could feel the warmth of his skin like a reassuring heatwave; the rich scent of luxurious woods, earth, and spices cocooned him and made him feel safe. He knew Cas was looking at him with his hawk-like eyes, trying to piece together the fucked up pieces of Dean’s mind. The cowardly part of him that was tortured by nightmares wanted to tell Cas to go home, and leave the humiliating conversation for another time, but a bigger part of him, the stubborn and determined part of him that wanted this relationship to work, goaded him to face the situation.

_Aren’t you a man, Winchester? Do you run from your demons now instead of hunting them?_

“Dean, Dean are you-”

But before Cas could move away from between his legs and finish his question, he bent his knees and tightened their hold on his kneeling boyfriend. Finally, when his breathing was stable and he found the courage to open his eyes, he spoke.

“As I told you before, Andrew never _took_ me. He, he used to, um; shit…, he used to tie me up, mainly my wrists. I-I was okay with it the first couple of times we had sex, but then it became a habit. The only way we would have sex was if I was tied up. At first he would use his ties or belts, but then he took to using ropes…, not the soft kind made for bondage but very thin, raw nylon ones that would bite into my skin and caused abrasions as well as friction burns…” A long sigh crawled out of his chest leaving him exhausted but at the same time livid _._

 _How could I have been so weak?_ He got used to being treated like crap, used to being trampled over. His fear of being alone almost got him killed, made his brother and family worry, and most probably made his mother cry. Along the way, his mind got messed up; depression, anxiety, and PTSD had shackled him and twisted his thoughts. And now the consequences of his weakness were getting in the way of something good. For the first time in years something felt right and his fucked up mind was trying to destroy it. _No, no I won’t let it_. He was tired of losing, of being a victim, of being pitiful, of running away, of punishing himself—enough! If he didn’t fight back, he will end up hanging from a familiar rack in his own personal hell, and being mercilessly tormented by what ifs and might have beens.

Dean’s face turned to the side and away from his gaze, the lovable cheeks tinted with shame and sharp teeth furiously biting down on a beloved bottom lip, haunted green eyes and fists clenched and ready to fight phantasms momentarily paralyzed him. He didn’t consider touching Dean, because albeit unknowingly, he had hurt him. Once again, his ineptitude to love was revealed. Castiel had failed at reading his lover, and ended up hurting him.

“I-I am sorry you went through that horrible experience, Dean. I am sorry my actions brought back those awful memories.” Cas didn’t know how he had persuaded his vocal cords to form words, each syllable was a papercut to his throat.

Dean shook his head and as his piercing emerald eyes turned to face Castiel, he spoke quietly but firmly, “Not your fault Cas. This is _not_ on you; you hear me?”

He didn’t know how to react; because here was his sweet, beautiful Dean, always so considerate and strong, so kind and lovable, trying to reassure him when Cas should be the one doing so.

“If you- if you want, we can stop.”

There was nothing feigned about Cas’s words, he meant them.

Dean felt like crying.

 _Stop… Do I want to stop?_ It was true that his dick had wilted after remembering how pitiful and weak he had been, but he didn’t want to let that motherfucker ruin his life any longer. Yet, the most important point in all of this was that sex wasn’t the only thing he wanted with Cas. Dean had become addicted to the intimacy that bloomed naturally between them. How every exchanged gaze stirred his deepest emotions and every touch made him feel alive again; how every brush of lips wrapped him in a numinous hug that warmed him entirely and every susurration drew forth sounds he have never made before. And those kisses, oh, those hot and cold kisses that licked his skin with flames and frost were undoubtedly his recently developed Achilles’ heel.

Dean wanted to feel all of that on a loop, forever.

He unclenched his hands and let them reach out to cup his angel’s brooding face. As his thumbs traced high cheekbones, he rasped, “I _don’t_ want to stop, Cas.”

An invisible cymbalist inhabiting Cas’s chest took a hold of his heart and used his ribs as drumsticks to play it. Dean trusted _him_. He couldn’t be happier about that, but his happiness wasn’t the only thing that mattered to him.

Cas kept his hands to himself as he questioned, “Do you want to top? It doesn’t matter to me either way.”

If Dean’s heart wasn’t carefully tucked inside his chest, locked behind his ribcage, and held in place by arteries it would have darted out of his body in that instant, because this man genuinely fucking cared about him. For that reason and more, he couldn’t hold back the smile tugging the corners of his mouth or the rueful laughter that overcame him, nor the tears that braided themselves tightly around his neck nearly throttling him. Dammit! He hoped Cas didn’t noticed how his hands were trembling.

Once again he shook his head, and after taking a few breaths, he confessed, “That asshole never let me touch him during sex, and now I can say I’m grateful for small blessings. I was always the top…I remember the day I asked him if he wanted to, um, to switch. He didn’t even answer, just gave me this, this nauseated look that made me feel so dirty, and then he laughed.”

Andrew laughed for a long time and from then on, after he had reached his own climax, he would send Dean to the bathroom to finish himself. Dean’s hands, numbed after being bound, struggled to get him off, so more often than not he would just give up and let his waiting orgasm fade. He wasn’t going to tell that to Cas though, he had already embarrassed himself enough to last a lifetime.

 _What do I answer to that?_ Castiel didn’t know. He couldn’t understand how someone could be so selfish and cruel to their partner. His mind was blank. What to say? How to console? He felt useless.

“I _want_ you, Cas. I _need_ you to fuck me, capisce?” As he said these words, his fingers delineated the shape of his boyfriend’s ears. His face must be as red as a cherry, but he didn’t care anymore. Dean was intent on cataloging every tiny expression that flashed across his lover’s face— he was fascinated.

A breathless swallow moved Cas’ Adam’s apple as an electrifying chill sprinted up his spine and made his skin prickle. His cock did a series of enthusiastic twitches in his boxers to the point of releasing a few drops of pre-come. An almost overbearing desire took root in Cas’ being, imbuing his blood with a strange aphrodisiac and rendering his neurons immovable.

Dean wanted this just as much as he did.

Cas wanted to knit the love he felt for this precious freckled beauty on his star-dusted skin; he wanted his lips to be the knitting needles and his tongue the yarn; therefore, he did just that. He let his fingertips massage and tweak his gorgeous boyfriend’s sensitive nipples, while his nose traced the strong line of Dean’s chiseled jaw. The tender caress was followed by the slow drag of his hot tongue as well as mischievous teeth scraping the clean-shaven skin. With each rub and careful pulling of erect nubs, Dean’s breath hitched at the same time consecutive gasps heaved his chest. Broad hands clutched his shoulders with more urgency; the dull pain alerted him of smooth hard nails leaving crimson crescent moons behind. Throat exposed and glistening sweat-laved skin, bowed legs trapping him in a strong hold and irises cloaked with want; boxers tented with a prominent erection and ruddy freckled cheeks, the rich smell of pre-come and taut chest and stomach muscles—every part of this glorious creature aroused in him things long forgotten.

Nevertheless, he needed to make things clear to Dean. He needed Dean to know his voice, wishes, and desires will always be heard and respected, ergo he leaned back and voiced his thoughts.   

“Dean, please let me know if you don’t like something. I only want to do to you what you like. I will stop if you tell me to, so please…”

His lover’s gravelly voice trailed off and all movement ceased. Dean knew his boyfriend wouldn’t resume any touches until he heard an absolute ‘yes’, thus he licked his kiss-swollen lips, smothered an annoyed groan, and then uttered, “Yeah, Cas, I-I will so…, c’mon.”

Cas of course gave him his trademark soul-searching look. Despite fancying that look, Dean really didn’t want to feel as if he was being treated like a broken thing. Yes, he was fucked up in a million ways, but he didn’t want to dwell in those feelings at the moment. Hence he used seduction to break Cas’s train of thought, and to egg him on. He brought his hands to his pre-come soaked boxers, lifted his hips, and ungracefully shucked them off. Releasing his trapped dick caused it to bob quickly, which resulted in a low hiss breaking free from his mouth.

From the tip of his cock an escalating ache spread throughout him like a firespark following a gunpowder trail. His actions achieved the desired reaction as cobalt blue eyes skittered down his chest and unabashedly stared at his throbbing erection. The hard swallow and eager tongue peeking from Cas’s mouth, his willowy fingers curling lightly over Dean’s knees and a stuttered breath rippling through the air crowned a victorious smirk on his lips.

Just one more push.

Dean sat up; he brought his right hand to the nape of Cas’s neck while the other went to settle on the side of his man’s face, and then he pulled his lover’s head towards his. Disheveled and overtaken by lust, Cas looked so freakin’ sexy. He was sure he could easily spend an indefinite period of time unblinkingly gaping at this man, but not right now.

With purpose, Dean let his lips hover over Cas’s mouth, and as their lubricious gazes met and their steamy breaths intermingled, he flicked his tongue along his boyfriend’s juicy lips. Castiel didn’t move, he let Dean do as he wished; this was new to him, being allowed to do as he wanted. He dragged the tip of his nose up the slope of Cas’s nose and swept it over a relatively dampened forehead, and then followed the path down the side of his boyfriend’s face to end up nuzzling the shell of his left ear. As close as their bodies were, he could feel Cas’ pulsing hardness against his dick, his boyfriend was burning up for him; this made Dean’s heart pirouette and his stomach swoop.

After spending a few seconds delighting in the magnetic heat shared by their skin, and breathing in Cas’ intoxicating aroma, he murmured “I will let you know if I don’t like something you do to me, so…” Dean’s voice faded away to allow his lips to drop a shower of tiny kisses along the curve of his lover’s ear. Now he wasn’t the only one raked by shivers or making wanton noises. Good.

“De-Dean…”

Oh yeah, that was the voice he favored—wrecked and rough like the rumbling of an approaching thunderstorm.

Dean’s hands roamed down Castiel’s slim neck to outline the shape of his appealing collarbones, then sinuously continue further down to map his lean but strong chest and sketch the lines of his ribs. He felt as Cas’s abdomen muscles contracted when his fingertips brushed over his navel and smoothed down the path of thick hair that led towards his man’s crotch. All the while, their eyes remained fixed on one another, unable to break contact despite the flare of desire incinerating every logical thought in their minds. Before allowing his hands to continue their exploration, Dean licked his lips thoroughly which elicited a short, low moan from his partner. The sound made his lower half tingle with anticipation and prompted his hands to move along.

His left hand made a detour to palm a perfectly shaped butt cheek whilst he dragged the knuckles of the other down Cas’ hard length. A sharp inhale and a pair of soft hands squeezing his waist, impatient limber fingers pressing down on his flesh, and blue awash with ardent zeal guided his mouth to his boyfriend’s ear and his hand to wriggle inside Cas’s boxers. At the contact of his fingers with his lover’s steel hard member, Cas’s lips parted in a chocked moan and his hips shifted forward into Dean’s hand. Meanwhile, the hands on his waist clasped tighter at the same time the man in front of him screwed up his eyes.

Dean wrapped his fingers around his lover’s length and thumbed the sticky head. Castiel canted his hips, once again pressing into the touch; he threw his head back in pleasure and another soft moan floated out of his mouth. Cas’s irresistible neck beckoned him, thus he moved closer and lapped at the salty column of his throat, all the while, he slowly stroked his boyfriend’s dick.

“I say give me _everything_ you’ve got, angel. Don’t hold back, understood?”

Those whispered words flicked a switch inside Cas’s body and he let them guide him. Dean wanted all of him, so be it. He closed his eyes for a few seconds to get his bearings, took a lengthy inhale, and swallowed down an arid throat, and then, after he had somewhat taken control of his body, he brought his hands to meet Dean’s. Castiel took his boyfriend’s hands in his own, lifted them to his mouth, and as he opened his eyes, he imprinted a kiss atop each one. Gratitude.

As if panthers, Cas’ hands moved up his chest until wispy fingers bent around his shoulders, and guide him down to the mattress. Smooth finger pads gently caressed his afire skin, until experienced fingertips once again closed around Dean’s perky nubs and pinched them tenderly. As if on cue, his toes curled and his blunt finger nails dug into the meat of his partner’s toned arms. Dean felt his lips part at the same time his eyes blinked shut; he didn’t know what sounds he made because his senses short-circuited for a few seconds. He never knew his body could be so sensitive at the hands of another. Of course he had experienced and enjoyed the pleasures of sex, but the goal more often than not was to satiate the physical needs not fill the void eating him alive.

While Cas’ deft fingers leisurely took him apart as they pulled, squeezed, and pinched his sensitive nipples, he delineated Dean’s parted lips insistently with the tip of his tongue before merging their mouths into a kiss that burned every molecule of oxygen in his lungs. Every nip stole a whine and each suck spread goosebumps, whenever their tongues entangled he forgot how to breath and with every brush of rich red lips he found himself gasping for air—it was almost too much stimulation, yet he craved for more.

More. More. More.

Dean wanted to be driven to madness by the touch of this man.     

Cas’s fervid lips wrote poetry on his hypersensitive sweat slicked skin as his fingertips unearthed shivers that made Dean’s body sing each of them. Blood no longer coursed through his veins, instead magma had overtaken his bloodstream. Every soft touch and barely-there brush, the intense stares and flutter of raven-colored eyelashes, swept of enthralling tongue and quiet smiles—everything was a gust of wind fanning the growing flames of Dean’s desire.

Once their lips were forced to part because of the lack of oxygen, they remained close, barely touching—just breathing each other’s air. Dean’s was certain he could have stayed like this for the rest of the night, it was that dizzyingly arousing. His broad hands were now massaging his man’s jutted hipbones, while Cas’s expert hands were busy moving down his flanks. A sheen of sweat attractively highlighted the skin of the man above him. The combination of sweat-matted hair, heaving chest, kiss-bruised lips, and lust dilated pupils made him look primal, predatory. And all of that, as crazy as it may sound after what he went through with Andrew, awoke something nameless in him.

Before moving away from his mouth, Cas pecked his lips softy, and then moved on to kiss, lick and nibble the underside of his chin. Because Dean was an impatient little shit, he allowed himself to grab a handful of his boyfriend’s ass and quickly followed to shove their hips together. The friction wrenched twin shaky moans from their chests. Cas’s hands frantically gripped his unruly hips and pinned it to the bed. A narrowed-eyed look laced with fondness send his heart into a dangerous gallop.

Dean was beyond desperate.

“St-stop teasing, Cas. F-fuck me, ah!”

With almost supernatural speed, Cas swooped down and trapped one of his nipples in his mouth. If it wasn’t for the hands firmly holding onto his hips, he would have knocked Cas out of the bed with the startled arc of his body. His fingers gripped Cas’s butt cheeks hard enough to yank a pained whimper. Immediately, Dean released the tight hold and apologetically rubbed at the round gloves. If he had the ability to form any intelligible words, he would have done so. But in this moment, he was reduced to want, like an animal in heat.

Cas for his part, smoothed the warm palms of his hands up and down the back of his thighs. His right nub captured between his partner’s sharp teeth and teasing tongue was subjected to meticulous ministrations. Dean felt pre-come trickle out of his slit and down his length as the muscles in his body increasingly continue to tighten. Being almost at the brink of climaxing from just foreplay—albeit top-notch foreplay— was a first. Except, he didn’t want to come that way, at least not today. He wanted to feel Cas in him, be filled by him. The sooner the better.

After releasing an almost too sensitive nipple and blowing on it through pulsed lips, Cas’s mouth peppered feather light kisses as it made its way to the other nub. His body underwent a subtle tremble when his boyfriend’s mouth got closer to his nipple and breathed on it.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck!_   

This time Cas didn’t let his teeth play with his nipple, but instead suckled hard on it, all the while his hands crept up to the front of Dean’s thighs and artful fingertips painted faint caresses over the crease of his sprawled thighs. By the time Cas circled his areola with the tip of his tongue, Dean was a writhing mess moaning shamelessly. He didn’t know what to do with his hands or legs; his mind felt aswoon and his senses drugged. Reaching such heights was another first.

“ _Ca-s_ , Ca…Jesus! _Ple-ase_ , mmm.” Babbling— he was begging and sputtering nonsense, and he didn’t care.

Castiel didn’t replied, his lips too busy leaving an offering of reverential kisses down his freckled beauty’s ribs and slightly pudgy tummy. He let the tip of his tongue dip inside the narrow navel and circled it, and then proceeded to nibble the skin underneath it, which yanked the sweetest moan from the man beneath him. Such pretty pleas effortlessly pulverized his self-control. He couldn’t resist them, so despite his desire to draw out his worshipping, he hurried to the next stage.

“Beautiful, please lift your hips for me,” husked Cas as one of his hands slid to the small of his lover’s back, and the other slipped a couple of pillows under his butt.

Despite the bliss out state of his mind, Dean’s body reacted on instinct, because it was almost here— the moment when Cas would finally fill him to the brim.

“Y-ea…hurry, Cas.” At another time he would have been completely mortified to sound so needy, but not now— not when Cas’s lips bathed his forehead with a cloudburst of holy kisses. At last, his hands knew what to do, settle on his boyfriend’s chest and count heartbeats.

Gazes magnetized to one another, Cas linked his hands with Dean’s, and then turned his face to kiss the back of his lover’s wrists. He understood the meaning behind the gesture.

Nothing bound his wrist but chains of diaphanous kisses.

Dean’s eyes stung. His heart hurt. It was a different kind of pain. Healing.

Once Cas was done branding kisses to his wrists, he took a moment to pay special attention to Dean’s neck. Sweat slicked skin against sweat slicked skin, aching erections sliding against one another, hands moving about in a mix of soothing and overwrought touches, the musky smell of sweat, pre-come and cologne intoxicating the air around them. Cas’s fiery tongue moving down his neck and his teeth scraping the flesh, inebriating open mouthed kisses and the mind blogging feeling of the bend of his neck being tenderly sucked—Dean didn’t feel like he was human but a sand castle victim of a tidal wave.

“Ca-Cas.”

“You are a vision, Dean. Absolutely glorious.”

Head thrown back and eyesight almost fading to black; curled toes and nails digging into Cas’s chest—he didn’t know how long he would last.

Before scooting down the mattress, Cas once again planted a kiss atop Dean’s hands, and then settled them on the bed. Afterwards, he took off his black boxers and threw them on the floor. He then reached for the box of condoms and the bottle of lube, and put them next to him. In the few seconds he took his eyes away from Dean, his lover had found a way to drive him even crazier with want; legs splayed wide and inviting, passion obscured gaze and bruised scarlet lips, swollen dick and a full body flush—his lover was a cocktail of lust luring him in effortlessly. Whorls of unbridle desire ravaged his entire being when his eyes landed on his boyfriend’s pinkish entrance— it called to him like a temptress.

Cas had never felt such hunger.

One arm braced on the mattress, he lowered his head closer to his freckled beauty’s manhood. He breathed in the scent of Dean’s pre-come with an urgent delectation, as if it was something he needed to do to survive. Then, he brought his right hand to the rock hard member and his fingers swiftly coiled around it. His lover’s hips jolted off the mattress as a strong vibrations made its way up Dean’s body. Slowly, his hands began to move up and down in languid strokes, which brought one of his boyfriend’s hands to bury in his dampened hair. When Dean’s body had melted into the touch, he opened his mouth and flicked his impatient tongue at the reddish head; his action reeled out a sexy little cry out of Dean which in turn moved Cas to swallow him down.

“Ah! _Fuc-k_ , shit, _C_ \---” Dean’s first impulse was to fuck the hot mouth; the velvety feel of Cas’s wicked tongue swirling around the head of his cock and then quickly dipping the tip into the slit made his body quake. Every gaze, quiet breath, and subtle movement from Cas was akin to flaming liquor poured over his flesh. Each word whispered into his skin by those lips ignited even the frozen parts of him he had declared unsalvageable.

Cas’s tongue moved slowly around the glossy head and teased with playful twirls the pre-come covered slit; afterward, it traveled down the strained length of his lover’s thick dick. The dark curls at the base of the solid erection ticked his nose. As his mouth and tongue were busy whirling, gently biting, and scraping the swollen cock, his fingers moved to massage his boyfriend’s balls. The fingers carding through his hair clenched, roughly grabbing handfuls of sweaty locks which pulled a hiss out of his mouth. Dean was too far gone to notice what he had done, anyway Cas didn’t mind because that meant his boyfriend was enjoying the thorough ministrations. Between broken gasps and low moans, smoldering eye contact and buzzing skin, Cas kept lazily pumping his lover’s erection and carefully squeezing his balls, adding a tug here and there. As Dean became more and more aroused and his legs spread wider, Castiel’s fingertips trailed down to rub the perineum with a tad of pressure.

“Oh, God!” If Cas kept this up he was gonna shoot his load before he got to feel the stretch of Cas’s cock. His hands were now over his head and clumsily pawing the mattress; maddening desperation hummed in the pit of his belly— everything felt so damn good.

“Move it, C-Cas---”

Such need layered those words that it sent a throng of raw feelings throughout Cas’s being. The increasingly impatient part of him was growing stronger, which made his veins thrum with irrepressible carnal appetite. Without a second thought he reached for the lube, uncapped it, and poured a generous amount on his fingers all the while his eyes remained fixed steadily on coruscant greens. An almost inaudible ‘fuck yeah’ passed by his ears, and uplifted the corners of his mouth in an amused smile. When Dean noticed it, his indolent right hand whacked his shoulder and Cas had to bite back the joyful laughter wanting to leap out of his chest.

After an exchanged heavily charged look, Cas lowered his mouth to his boyfriend’s length, and once again welcomed the salty flavor of him in his taste buds. If his hands weren’t keeping Dean’s hips pinned to the mattress, he was sure his throat would have been violently stuffed with cock. Slowly, he let his mouth slide down and engulf the twitching erection; once it was all inside, he began to bob his head in conjunction with his index finger circling Dean’s enticing entrance.

“Shi-t, y-ea…”

In his peripheral view, he saw Dean’s hands wildly clawing the comforter, felt the mild tremors dash up his body, and heard a medley of fractured curses. Encouraged by such expressions, he let his tongue curl around and teeth gingery scrape the hot member. A trill of pre-come was his reward when his finger breached the loosened rim. He swallowed and hummed around the erection, which tore a guttural cry of pleasure out of his lover’s throat and brought a sturdy leg to hook over his back. His pointer finger massaging Dean’s inner walls felt like wood doused with flammable liquid; he could barely stand to wait and feel that heat devour him wholly. Once he felt his beautiful man was ready for more, he let another finger slip inside the ring of muscle and move about.

“Mmm…s-so goooood, mo---” Dean didn’t have neurons available to do anything else but to babble.

 _Tsk,_ _you sound like a woman, Dean, like a whore. Only women are that vocal, shameless._ Some other time Andrew’s words would have paralyzed him, filled him with embarrassment, and made him gulp down his pleasure, but not today.

Cas wrapped his left hand around the base of Dean’s solid length with firm pressure before once again taking the head inside his mouth, and suction at it vigorously. All the while, the two fingers inside of his boyfriend expertly rubbed at the slippery walls and swiftly scissored with ease. The tension contracting Dean’s muscles and the shudders shaking him, his rapid breaths and balled-up hands told him of his lover’s fast approaching climax. If it were his decision to make, he would let Dean orgasm in his mouth, using just his fingers, but that’s not what Dean wanted, hence with a last suck and a pop, he let go of the bright red tinted head. A garland of colorful words was Dean’s response before one of his hands flew to clutch his left arm, and hauled Cas to meet him half way in a teeth-clicking, tongue-sucking kiss that tasted like pre-come.

Still moving his fingers whilst they kissed or more like ate each other’s lips, Cas added a third finger. When Cas did so, the sensation of his rim being stretch further brought Dean’s teeth to bite down hard on his angel’s bottom lip; a soft whine ringed in his ears and his eyes flew open. Thank goodness the bite didn’t break skin. As an apology, he flicked the tip of his tongue over the scarlet, bruised lip, and then chased the pain away with a sprinkle of kisses. His loving gestures paid off when Cas smiled into the kiss and those ineluctable baby blues dismantled him all at once.

Cas’ satiny fingers moved in and out of him fluidly, stretching and massaging and reducing his body into a sinuous road that only Cas was allowed to peregrinate. It felt freakin’ awesome, but he wanted, needed more.

“Ah! Fuuuc-k, mmm…”

A single but well-aimed sweep of a finger pad over his prostate sent a bolt of electricity up his body, which drew his muscles tighter and forklifted a grunt from his throat. Yes, it was definitely a grunt because he sure as hell _did not_ yelp. The hot open-mouthed kisses and playful nibbles to the inside of his thighs coupled with a few sucks put his body in a sort of levitation.

His lover’s entire body became the shape of a perfect bow, slowly handcrafted by the works of his fingertips. This made Cas curious to know how many more sonorous sounds could he wring out of the beauty beneath him. Maybe another day, if Dean allows it, he will know the answer. Dean’s strong grip stayed his right hand before any words left his mouth.  

“Ca-s… _Cas_ , now, c’mon…fuck me, dammit!” he growled, but it sounded more like a plea than a demand and Dean didn’t know how to feel about it.

“As you wish,” was Cas’ brief response as he straightened and took with him the three fingers that had been shaping Dean like clay. A drawn out moan vibrated up his throat and bounced off the shadowed walls in a soft echo. Hands holding onto white covers, chest heaving and every part of him on tippy toes—all of him waiting expectantly for his wish to be granted.

Cas reached for the condom box, pulled out a packet, ripped it open with his teeth, and then rolled it down his aching length, making sure to smooth any air bubbles on the way. He could feel Dean’s sizzling gaze on him, urging him along, so he uncapped the bottle of lube and coated his erection at the same time he gave it a quick pump. When he was ready, he glanced up and met up with the most enthralling pair of torrid eyes he has ever seen during sex; they stole a quiet gasp out of his chest. A hard swallow went down his throat as he aligned himself between his lover’s thighs. Cas’s left hand journeyed from the bottom of his boyfriend’s calf up to the back of his knee and firmly held it up. He looked at Dean once again as he wrapped his other hand around his dick. A nod was given; Dean had understood his question without words.

Slowly, he guided himself to Dean’s inviting entrance and pushed the tip of his cock incrementally inside the tight walls. Every inch of him that met Dean’s heat became hypersensitive. _How was he to make it through when he already felt like he was falling apart?_ Sultry moans and shaky breaths, slacked lips and taut muscles, needlelike fingers clawing at the mattress and copious pearls of sweat—they were both being furiously unraveled by the weight of their lust.

The feeling of being stretched by Cas’s dick was completely different from being prepped by his three lean fingers. His man’s cock was long but also thick; it filled him to the brim and stretched him with a hint of pain. _How long will he last before the conflagration at the pit of his belly devours him?_

An amalgamation of feelings struck him out of nowhere like a rogue lightning bolt on a clear, starry sky. An eerie silence ruffled the fabric of his soul. Doubt. Fear. What ifs.

_Was he feeling too much to fast? Was he enough for Cas? What if Andrew was right and he was only good for a meaningless fuck? How can Cas love him when Dean was learning how to love himself?_

Sinking inside of Dean, as blasphemous as it may sound, could be compared to the moment he took in his mouth the Consecrated Bread the day of his First Communion—a transcendental experience.

His purpose wasn’t just his own sexual-gratification but Dean’s as well, and the way his precious man suddenly became quiet and still told him of returning ghosts assailing his mind.

Cas won’t allow them to taint this moment.

This was between Dean and him. 

He will vanquish Dean’s demons if only for this ephemeral moment.

Tightening his hold on the back of his lover’s right knee, he glided his right hand up a sturdy thigh, caressing a strong hip along the way until he finally settled upon a white-knuckled hand; it was a light touch, not meant to constrict but to get his boyfriend’s attention.

Cas swallowed down the woeful feeling attempting to purloin the joy of this moment and licked his mildly swollen lips before he uttered “Don’t close your eyes Dean, look at me. You are here with me. Your hands are free to move however they like. You are free to do whatever you want. Feel me. See me. Breathe me in. You are safe. Just enjoy this moment, please. You and I deserve this happiness.”

Dean hadn’t realized his eyes were closed until that moment. Cas’s words reached him like midday sunrays; they dispersed the fog enveloping his eyes. Each word performed purging ablutions in his being. He opened his eyes slowly and was greeted by Cas’s limpid ones. This was Cas. Cas was good and safe. He felt it in every breath Cas took.

Dean was safe.

He couldn’t make himself speak, so once again he nodded at the same time he unclenched the hand covered by Cas’s hand. Turning it over, he entwined their hands together; it felt right, it didn’t feel constricting—an anchor to keep him from drifting away to the caliginous graveyard of his mind. That simple gesture brought about sparkles of triumph in Cas’s eyes, a tiny quirk to the corners of his mouth, and a tender squeeze to Dean’s hand.

Cas was right, this moment was theirs alone.

Castiel drove the last inch of his erection inside of Dean with a smooth roll of hips that jerked twin grunts out of them. Once he bottomed out, he waited a few seconds before he started moving, making sure Dean was also ready.

“N-now,” Dean stuttered.

Skin sweat-carpeted and watercolored with the loveliest hue of pink, wisps of hair on his forehead and bruised crimson lips— Dean was a rapturous sight.

This time it was Cas who nodded. He pulled back slowly, until only the tip of his dick was stretching his lover’s rim, and then pressed back into the wet heat with a calculated shallow thrust. Dean’s throbbing erection twitched and released a stream of pre-come as his breaths came in shaky waves. Castiel’s hips set an adagio tempo rhythm, easily sliding in and out of his boyfriend with otherworldly control. He gave Dean every inch of his cock; the blunt head purposely hitting the spot that made Dean tremble and contort and cry out with intoxicating arousal.

Cas could feel it in the heat of his own flesh and the tightness of muscles, in the fast-paced gait of his heart and the pressure skyrocketing below his stomach—the brewing flames of their orgasms quickly ascending. Dean’s eyes alternated between rolling back, squeezing tightly, and flying wide open; his hands clamped the comforter and Cas’s hand with painful force; strong bowlegs secured him in place by cradling his sides.

Dean wasn’t a passive lover, at least not willingly, ergo he planted his feet on the bed and began to meet Cas’s now more spirited thrusts. He undulated his hips at the same time his man rocked into him causing his body to shift slightly and the tip of Cas’s dick to nail his prostate directly. A loud cry dashed up his throat and arched his back; his eyes watered at the intense sensation and he felt the last driblet of his strength evanesce—Cas drove into him with sharp movements that rose into a crescendo, still controlled but with an edge of compelling urgency. Dean’s hand itched to fist his bobbing erection, but he resisted the impulse lest with one stroke he might come.

“Ahh…goo-d, more. Oh, ye-s! Shit…” His throat felt raw and his lips droughty, every ounce of water in his body now sweat-clothing his flesh. He feared a heatstroke.

“Dean, _Dea-n_ ,” his angel chanted. He answered by shoving his hips against Cas’s big, juicy cock in a series of lilting swings that made his boyfriend’s breath hitch, and his hands clutch his thigh and hand.

Cas thrusted into him with the same abandon the waves crashed against the shore; the agile rolls of his hips hard but smooth, intense but controlled. Their combined moans and groans, gasps and grunts mingled in a delightsome hymn, which expressed the exhilarating dance of their hearts and fire boiling the blood coursing through their veins.

“ _C-Cas_ harder… Fuck ye-”

A discordant melody of stringed cries of pleasure leaped from Dean’s chest. His legs clumsily wrapped around Cas’s hips; the heel of his feet dug into the small of his back, which made it somewhat difficult to move, yet his body kept up the upbeat thrusts as if spellbound.

He was almost there.

“ _Cas_ , oh Go-d…”

With just three perfectly aimed fleet rolls of his hips Cas had him tumbling off the edge of the highest precipice. Dean’s orgasm felt akin to rolling billows of lava melting every bone in his body; it was an all-consuming implosion that left him momentarily disoriented. Despite himself, and after his mind had become slightly clearer, a rumble of bubbling laughter stumbled out of his mouth and wallpapered the air. Cas didn’t say a word and just looked on intrigued as his thrusts became erratic and his hand pumped Dean’s spent dick throughout his orgasm. The friction was almost too much, even the droplets of sweat trilling down his skin felt overstimulating.

Sexual ecstasy had been unknown to him until this moment— until now that he was… _in_ _love_. A sense of fulfillment invaded him. The emptiness he had felt in the past whenever he had sex with someone wasn’t his fault. Dean wasn’t broken in that aspect. Those people just hadn’t been right for him, and it took the right person to make him realize why. With the sudden realization, he let the tears flow freely, it felt liberating. A sense of rightness settled at the base of his walloping heart as tendrils of hope began to invade every crevice of his being. His life wasn’t perfect all of a sudden—no—this wasn’t a fairy tale where everything gets resolved because of ‘true love’. This was real life. Pain will still warp his body when he least expects it and treacherous thoughts will always find a way to poison his mind, but these last few hours have been some of his best.

“ _D-Dean_ … _Dea-_ ”

As his man emptied himself inside of him; pulsing and twitching and panting— a willing victim of Dean’s tightening inner muscles, he took time to photograph his lover’s face. Since they met, he has always thought Cas was gorgeous, but in this moment of vulnerability even more so. There was so much trust in those crystal-like eyes. Cas was the type of person that gave himself wholly to another and that terrified him because, _what if I hurt Cas?_ The thought was unsettling. He would never want to be the reason Cas suffers. Never. But what if---

A wisp of a caress to his left cheek and the pleasant weight of a spent lean body, a peck to the corner of his mouth and a nuzzle to the shell of his ear; a few whispered words and his fears temporarily dispelled.

“Are you still with me, _Freckles_?”

Dean couldn’t but smile like an idjit.

 _This_ moment felt like a ‘happily ever after’ and he was going to enjoy the fuck out of it. So he held onto Cas as tightly as he could, embraced him wholeheartedly in his slightly trembling arms; his lover’s skin felt as hot as the Texas summer and just as all-consuming. Heaving chest against heaving chest and drumming heart to drumming heart, limbs entangled and labored breathing; sweat and come slicked skin and reddened lips, rushing blood and messy sheets; heavy eyes and tired bodies and satisfied souls— _yes, this was a good beginning_.

“Thank you, Dean,” susurrated Cas’s in a low rumble, words muffled by Dean’s chest as his boyfriend branded a kiss over his heart.

 _Dammit_ , Cas always did and said the most embarrassing shit, and the worse part was that Dean couldn’t get enough of it. But he had to hold onto some shred of dignity, therefore, he bit his lips to prevent them from sprawling into another stupid grin, buried his nose in his boyfriend’s mussy hair, and gave him the only answer he could—a lingering kiss at the top of his head.    

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, was it worth the wait? Thoughts?
> 
> Thanks for reading :D


	30. ~Wonderwall~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One look back at the bed where a disheveled Cas snoozed off placidly tugged at the corners of his mouth; a mess of satiny sable locks, bruised pomegranate-colored lips, miles of naked tanned skin and carelessly thrown limbs stirred up in him feelings of deep affection and desire. As his heavy eyes perused the clothes strewn on the floor and on the arm chair, the wrinkled and tangled bedsheets, the opened box of condoms and the half bottle of Astroglide lube, and the disarranged pillows, Dean couldn’t help but feel relieved because he didn’t let his dark thoughts ruin this for them. A conflation of feelings and emotions sent his heart into a bouncing frenzy; what had just happened was a first-time experience in every level. It wasn’t just about the fine quality of the caresses or the high quantity of kisses, it was more about the feelings that variegated the act. They had sex, yes— good ‘ol, pure, ravenous, raw sex, but it felt new; it was like nothing he had done before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, 
> 
> Its been a while, but I promise it won't take this long for the next updates. Last year was a bit crazy that's all. I will finish this story not only because I always finish what I start, but also because this story holds a special place in my heart. I hope you enjoy this chapter, it has a little bit of everything. Almost at the end, we get to see things from Sam's POV. Also, the song that plays when Cas and Dean are in the kitchen it's called 'In My Dreams' by Reo Speedwagon. 
> 
> PS: Thanks to my friend who is no longer on Tumblr for the lovely manip.
> 
> Happy reading!

 

 

 

** Chapter 29: ** **Wonderwall**

After falling asleep for a bit, Dean slowly disentangled his aching body from the hold of Cas’s octopus-like arms, bent down to pick up his boxers, and then tippy-toed towards the door. He sneaked out of the bedroom with practice steps; the old hardwood floors not making as much as a creak. 

One look back at the bed where a disheveled Cas snoozed off placidly tugged at the corners of his mouth; a mess of satiny sable locks, bruised pomegranate-colored lips, miles of naked tanned skin and carelessly thrown limbs stirred up in him feelings of deep affection and desire. As his heavy eyes perused the clothes strewn on the floor and on the arm chair, the wrinkled and tangled bedsheets, the opened box of condoms and the half bottle of Astroglide lube, and the disarranged pillows, Dean couldn’t help but feel relieved because he didn’t let his dark thoughts ruin this for them. A conflation of feelings and emotions sent his heart into a bouncing frenzy; what had just happened was a first-time experience in every level. It wasn’t just about the fine quality of the caresses or the high quantity of kisses, it was more about the feelings that variegated the act. They had sex, yes— good ‘ol, pure, ravenous, raw sex, but it felt _new_ ; it was like nothing he had done before.

It hadn’t been flawless like how romance books or movies tended to paint it; they hadn’t climaxed at the same time and he wasn’t a virgin, he had almost rushed into a few panic attacks, and gotten lost in his head, there were no fireworks or promises to stay together forever, yet all of that had somehow made it ‘perfect’. Recalling Cas’s lips kissing his scar and his tongue tracing the pink line, earnest bluer than blue eyes, and fingertips that even now he swears he could feel singeing his skin caused his eyes to flutter close and his body to shiver. But what left his lungs airless and his  heart thrashing against his ribs every time he recalled them, were Cas’s whispered words.

            ‘ _Let me love you slowly, Dean. Allow my lips to kiss you breathless. Please, let me give you all the affection I have to offer.’_

And that’s exactly what Cas had done. His boyfriend had seen his pathetic side once again and hadn’t recoiled at the sight—he had taken his time and made Dean comfortable, trusting and pliant with the sincerity of his words. Who knew sappy words spoken with so much honesty could exorcise demons if only momentarily. Who knew drawn-out reverence could feel so freakin’ awesome and make him addicted to it. He was ruined for others now… _others—_ he couldn’t think of others after being Cas’s. Dean couldn’t conceive the thought of someone else’s mouth devouring Cas’s lips or someone else’s sweat-bedewed skin sliding against his own. It was too late. How scary.

Shaking himself off the self-induced trance and before Cas woke up, he padded down the stairs and into the kitchen. Eating warm apple pie in bed after the most amazing sex of his life was the best way to culminate the night. As he set the pie inside the oven, he glanced at the stove’s clock— 11:57; still early, kinda. He has a 9 o’clock appointment with Benny and a 10:30 with Cecilia, and then he has to drop by the clinic for a few hours. But the late night was totally worth it; he hoped there was time for more…God, he shouldn’t be so enthusiastic, coming off as needy isn’t attractive. Maybe Cas has to go home before morning— yes—he can’t leave Tippens and Mrs. Agatha alone for that long or maybe he asked his neighbor, what was her name? to pet-sit the fur balls. _Should I ask? Would it sound pitiful if I ask him to stay the night? Well, I already asked him to fuck me so what’s one more hit to my dignity?_

Dean made sure the oven was at the right temperature before he took a few steps towards the drawer where he kept the portable timer; he opened it, grabbed the timer, inputted one hour and ten minutes, and then treaded upstairs. When he got to the door, what greeted him punched the air out of his lungs; his boyfriend’s broad back was now facing him, thin red lines delicately ornate it, but not only that, the firm ass he had knead while Cas drove him crazy with want was in full view, slightly red butt cheeks reveled where Dean’s fingertips had branded them, and those damn runners’ legs taut and defined reminded him how his lover had knelt between his thighs as he plowed Dean into the mattress. Cas’s naked form called to him, it was impossible for him to resist the lines of that unmarred body, so he let himself be guided by the inaudible voice and sat on the edge of the bed. Not the weight of his body sinking down on the mattress nor his finger pads gently tracing the inky Japanese letters over his ribs were enough to pull a twitch out of his sleeping angel.

Dean couldn’t help as another fond smile etch his lips. Cas was always so earnest and his expressions equally serious, which denoted his unfeigned feelings; only when he slept or smiled that slightly grave countenance would soften. Just remembering those unguarded smiles spread a sudden warmth over his being. Dean had been conquered by deep abyssal blues and rooted by the sunrays of stretched lips. Letting his lips guide him to where they wanted to be, they stampeded a herd of kisses on a mildly abused back. It was then that his boyfriend’s body finally responded to his subtle attentions with a soft shiver and a quiet noise; Dean let his lips linger a bit longer on the sleep-warmed skin, and then straightened to let his lover’s indolent body turn to him. When Cas did so, Dean lost his breath again— cos damn, his man was the incarnation of sin.

“ _Dean_.”

That one word meant so many things coming from Cas’s lips, but it was the way he said it, in the tone he said it that always sent Dean’s heart into a tantivy. The funny thing was that Cas was completely naked in front of him, but it wasn’t his sensual body that attracted him but rather the look in his eyes, so full of the words he had spoken while he undressed Dean, while he kissed him, and accepted him, and showed Dean the meaning of love-making (Jesus, he was turning into a sap). If someone would have told him a month ago, that he was going to meet a person who was going to make him want to give love a try, he would have flipped the bird at them while laughing and called them delusional. He was so immersed in his musings that he didn’t hear Cas called his name again, and his eyes had failed to see the hand offered to him.

“Dean, are you okay?” Cas asked, his voice tinged with concern.

“What? Yeah. I’m fine, Cas. I’m fine.”

_I’m fine, huh?_ _How long has it been since I really meant those words?_ He couldn’t remember, it had been years maybe, but that wasn’t important anymore. What mattered was that he _meant_ them now, at _this_ moment; he didn’t know about tomorrow though. Without wasting any more time, he took his boyfriend’s hand and let himself be manhandled into Cas’s safe arms. Facing one another, with only a mere inch between them, their arms in tender possession of each other’s well-used bodies, they shared breaths and heat and dreamy looks. _God, I could stay like this for the rest of my days._ Who needed to look at the day sky or the morning ocean, gaze at cornflowers or morning glories when Cas’s eyes were the only shade of blue to ever calm his tumultuous mind.

“I went to the kitchen to put an apple pie in the oven, it should be done in…” his voice trailed off as he turned his head slightly to take a glimpse at the timer. But before he could continue, a set of kisses were stamped to the right side of his neck and upon the jumping pulse of his carotid artery; it was his body’s instant reaction to shiver and his eyelashes to flutter and his fingers to dig down on Cas’s taut back. The sleek smile he encountered when his eyes fixed upon his lover’s gaze was molten metal to his heart; it was rendered a melted puddle but still beating uncontrollably.

“That sounds delicious, thank you,” Cas replied giving him a wider smile, though he noticed there was something else his boyfriend wanted to say. He was about to press him to spit out the rest when with a sort of fearful hesitation Cas continued. “I will leave after we eat the pie, if---if that is what you desire.”

Jesus, Cas was like one of those rare occurrences that happened in nature; they just had sex, they were dating, yet Cas didn’t take any liberties others would have taken without batting an eye or asking for his opinion. So, he let himself smile and take his man’s lips in his own; it was an enthusiastic battle of tongues, sucks and licks—Dean could still taste a bit of himself in Cas’s mouth, which tickled his pride. After breathing hard for much needed air and exchanging knowing looks about the condition of their excited lower halves, an ebullition of laughter bursted out of them. Laughing felt good, it felt amazing to smile and mean it, for it not to be forced-out out of politeness or not wanting to worry anyone. The sound of his own unbridled laughter was strange to him. The song of Cas’s laughter was like ivy spreading wildly and untempered inside of him; it was a fertilizer of sorts, feeding the growing feelings that Dean soon knew were going to overtake him entirely.

“Do you have to leave?” he whispered, both dreading and looking forward the answer. Cas’s heat had already spread its addictive effects over his skin, and even deeper.

Cas shook his head, and Dean freed the breath he didn’t realized he had been holding. He couldn’t fight the happiness those words had caused to his lips, thus he let them stretch as far as they wanted. No, he wasn’t ashamed of his teenage-like behavior, at least not at the moment, maybe in a few minutes or hours, but for now he was shameless and proud. Cas had already seen him at one of his lowest times; he willed himself to believe that if Cas had seen him dirty and smelling of sweat and vomit, semi-drugged and angry and snapping like a hallow tree branch, then there was little he could do to drive him away. Of course, that wasn’t true, but Dean needed to believe it was.

“Samandriel, or Alfie like we have always call him, is staying the night at my house with his puppy. Tippens and Mrs. Agatha couldn’t be in better hands.”

            Alfie, the cousin Cas loves like a little brother; Dean was dying to meet him and the rest of Cas’s family. Thought Gabriel sounded like a pain on the ass, he could see how much Cas loved and respected him. He was also looking forward to meeting the trio in a relationship that had his mind spinning with curiosity. It wasn’t fair Cas had already met his family but Dean hadn’t met his. Maybe Cas didn’t want to introduce them to him. Maybe-

“You are thinking too much, your eyes glazed over with so many thoughts. What concerns you?” Cas was too intuitive for Dean’s own good, but he couldn’t voice his thoughts or else he would sound childish and clingy. Though maybe, he was already guilty of being clingy; he’ll have to work on that, no one likes a clingy lover.  

Smirking, Dean teasingly uttered, “Oh, so even before tonight’s date you were already planning to get in my pants. I’m impressed that you were so sure you were gonna get some that you asked your cousin to pet-sit. What a confident bastard!”

Cas’s cheeks suffused with a sweet blush as his eyes remained locked with Dean’s, while his thoroughly ravished lips caged a smile between them. Fuck! He was screwed in more ways than one; his chest was a cheery mess and it was entirely Cas’s fault.

Disentangling one of his hands from its residence at Dean’s back and taking it up to caress a now burning freckled cheek, he murmured, “I-I won’t deny I held such hopes. I prayed for it and thankfully my prayer was answered.” For a short interval, no other words echoed in the room, not until Cas added a few more. “I didn’t ask my cousin to pet-sit. He needed to be out of his apartment for today and asked me if he could stay with me. But I was going to ask Mrs. Alexa to keep an eye on them tonight, so I guess I am guilty of your accusation.”

Grinning like an idiot, which he was becoming accustomed to, at least around Cas, he tightened the hold on his sappy boyfriend and then retorted, “Then we’re even. Did you really think you were the only one wanting to get in someone’s pants? I have wanted you for weeks.”

When their dicks were once again showing their shameless interest as their hips pressed together, the high-pitch beeping of the timer made their bodies jolt and their foreheads knock against each other abruptly. Hearts racing and laughter rumbling through them after the initial shock, Dean force himself to let go of Cas’s body but not before diving in for another kiss.

Every time Dean kissed him, it was like a magic trick. It left him expectant and wanting for more. Dean was no fool’s gold; he was the real deal and Cas will do everything in his power to prove to him that his place is beside Castiel.

Erections strained almost painfully trapped between their impatient hips, blunt nails sent electric currents through their feverish flesh as teeth hungrily pulled at each other’s tender lips, feet tangled with each other while moans were swallowed by thirsty mouths, and chests heaved and dampened against one another—the salty smell of their previous climax, the musky scent of their sweat, the faint aroma of their colognes, and the mouthwatering fragrance of apple pie filling—every sensation, smell and touch, confirmed to Castiel that he only needed one lifetime to fall in love with Dean, countless to keep on loving him but an eternity to forget him.

Once mildly satiated and forced apart by their lungs’ need to breathe as well as the sound of the timer urging Dean to rush downstairs before the pie burned, their arms gave each other’s bodies their freedom. Gulping down ragged breaths as his eyelids opened, his freckled beauty slid away from him, taking most of the heat and leaving Castiel reaching for the covers. Looking at the night table, his eyes immediately settled on Dean’s family picture. A sudden heat roasted his cheeks, it was absurd to get embarrassed after everything they did, but he couldn’t help it when his boyfriend’s mother and brother were ‘staring’ at him. A quiet huffed laugh made its way out of his mouth as he turned his body to face the shadowy ceiling, and one of his hands carded through his dampened hair.

“What am I going to do, Dean? I already feel so much for you and this relationship just started,” he whispered, heart divided in two by worry and hope.

**********

Dean left the pie to cool down for a bit before taking it upstairs and breaking the self-imposed rule of not eating in his bedroom. While he waited, he walked around the house to make sure all the windows and doors were locked. Call him paranoid, but he won’t let that asshole get the drop on him in his own house again. After the daily security round, he went into the half-bathroom to relieve himself, and while he washed his hands, he darted a look at himself in the mirror.

Holy shit!

The brightly lit room highlighted his still flushed skin and his ravished scarlet lips, it dragged his slightly dilated eyes down to his pink puffy nipples and accentuated the thin pink lines left by Cas’s teeth on his chest—he was a mess, just like his sweat-matted hair. But this was a mess he could get behind, a mess that didn’t make him feel empty or used. Drying his hands, he smiled to himself; yesterday and the start of today had been good, that’s all he could ask for. Flicking the lights off, he let his feet take him to the kitchen island where he took the bamboo tray holding the pie, two cups of water, a couple of forks and napkins, and he went on his way. With every step, he could feel the pleasurable ache left by Cas’s thorough thrusts; he could feel the phantom nibbles and sucks on this nipples and inner thighs, and he shivered at the sensation of teeth scraping the lines of his jaw and the sensitive skin of his neck. But most of all, what left him rooted to what they had experienced together was the look in Cas’s eyes. Dean saw himself reflected in them just as he was— no adornments, flawed and cracked and strong, loved and valuable and vulnerable and… _whole_ , not broken.

          When he got to the bedroom, Cas was waiting for him on the bed, sitting down and his back against the plush headboard; he was still naked under the sheets, statuesque body warm and languorous. Immediately, his arms stretched to take a hold of the tray to let Dean crawl back in bed. Once settled and side-by-side, a hairsbreadth between their shoulders, they began to eat.  

            From the corner of his eyes, he descried a certain dark shadow marring Cas’s expression, furrowed brows and a frown Dean wanted to make disappear. “What is it, Cas? Out with it.”

            Turning fully towards him, Cas grasped the fork in his hand tighter and lowered his gaze. _No, don’t do that,_ Dean though. He never wanted Cas to avoid his eyes out of fear or shame. Setting his fork down on the white ceramic pie dish in front of him, Dean brought his hand to cover his boyfriend’s laying on the mattress.

            “Cas?”

            “Dean, I haven’t told you everything that happened after my breakup with Sebastian…”

            Dammit! Jealousy wasn’t a raging fire but frigid blizzard, so cold it burned. Sebastian’s name sounded like a foul word to his ears, it turned Cas’s mouth into a cesspool. He felt like a pile of shit for feeling like this but he couldn’t help it. “Do you have to tell me now?

            Cas’s nod came immediately followed by the inevitable ‘yes’. Thus, Dean smothered the geyser-like sigh at the top of his throat.

            “I-I was a mess, not only sexually but also in the way I treated others. I looked for any excuse to get hurt and hurt; I got into a few bar fights, and the consequences where nights spent in jail. Since they were petty fights and no one got seriously injured, I was never prosecuted. I am ashamed of the me that lashed-out and was hateful, of the me that wished bad things upon Sebastian, of the me that focused only on my pain and didn’t see how my actions were hurting my loved ones. I worried them so much. Almost injured my right shoulder from overtraining every day for long hours until I could barely stand. I became problematic, a bitter hermit nurturing hate…”

            Each word was a sandbag over Cas’s shoulder, and Dean could clearly see how the lines of his boyfriend’s strong shoulders strained under the invisible weight. Ergo, he brought the hand covering Cas’s own up to his boyfriend’s chin, and slowly tilted it his head up, the pad of his thumb smoothing up and down the alluring chin dimple. His eyes were desperate to submerge in blue once again, yet Cas’s gaze remained fixed on the mattress, stubborn and dark.

Swallowing down a growl stitched with frustration and taking a tottery breath, he voiced, “Everyone has dark thoughts, Cas and everyone messes up. But that doesn’t make you bad, it makes you human. God knows my mind is as pitch black as the waters of the Styx. Every time I remember what that jackass did to me, every time my wrists burn and my hands feel cold from poor blood circulation; whenever I see the scar on my knee and the excruciating pain from my leg travels up to take root in my ribs, the desire to find that fucker and riddle his body with bullets consume me. Yes, I’m not proud of feeling that way, but it’s human nature to react like that when one has been hurt.”

For all the self-deprecation Dean constantly spouts, this amazing man in front of him was brilliant. Cas had been charmed and floored by Dean’s intelligence since the first day they met. Dean was what people would call ‘an old soul’. He was wise beyond his years, and he possessed a quality only a few people truly develop in the course of their lives— _he was empathetic_. Feeling the pull of Dean’s gaze, he managed to push aside his shame and meet the hallowing sight calling to him—a liquid smile, an offering of pie, and irises skittering over his face and locking on his left earlobe, and then back up to settle upon his eyes. Oh! The glimmer of curiosity sprinkling his lover’s expression told Cas what Dean had noticed, it made his lips twitch. Discovering new things about each other was fun.

“So, the straight laced-nerdy, younger you used to wear an earring? Rebellious stage?” Dean teased as he cut a piece of pie and lifted it towards his lover’s kiss-bruised mouth. Watching Cas’s lips part and wrap around the tines, and the tip of his tongue swipe over the bow of his upper lip to scoop a few stray crumbs, was like watching the best seductress unintentionally transform eating into an erotic show. 

Smiling self-deprecatingly, expression alight, Cas husked, “Yes. I did it out of spite. At the end of my Senior year, I had wanted to volunteer to travel abroad with a charity organization to help build a school in Nicaragua during the summer, but my mother made it impossible for me to go. Instead, I was forced to spend the summer learning the family business. So, to get back at her, I went to a body piercing store and got ear and tongue piercings.”

And speaking of tongues, Dean almost swallowed his again, which brought about a coughing fit. Damn! He wished Cas still had that piercing, just imagining how it would feel in his mouth and in his--- Fuck!

“Dean! Dean, are you okay?” Poor Cas was sometimes too pure for Dean’s filthy imagination, and he loved it. Promptly, he had a glass of water in his hand and a gentle hand rubbing his back. Mm, this wasn’t good; he was already too pampered for his own good. Nodding his head and drinking some water while his eyelids remained sealed, he let the warm fuzzy feelings coming in droves to fill his heart completely drench him.

Happiness was made out of moments. Moments like this one.

While they ate, they talked about art and music, cars and social activism, swapped university-days anecdotes and funny family stories, discussed sports and favorite teams, had a little argument about what each considered to be the best movies and TV shows, spoke about animals and places they wish to go on vacation. Never has time passed so quickly nor have pie tasted so delicious. This was good, so good.   

            When the last bite of pie had been had, Cas suggested, “I think we should change these bedsheets. Unless…” he let his gravelly voice intentionally fade away, bold gaze effortlessly ensorcelling.

            The man next to him didn’t need to touch him for Dean to _feel_ him. Cas’s words had intention, they alone were caresses. But Dean could give as much as he gets, it was only fair.

            “Unless?” He let his voice drop to a basso profundo and his tongue dance to the sibilant sound of the spoken word as his eyes lassoed the blue gaze beside him with a side-glance. Turning his body a bit, tray tightly held by his left hand and his other hand docked at the back of Cas’s head, Dean’s facial expression was the perfect depiction of seduction. Castiel’s cock did an energetic twitch, the man in front of him didn’t need to do much to transfix him.

God must have been specially inspired when he created Dean Winchester. He must have sprinkled some of his divinity onto Dean’s mold.

Without preamble, their mouths toppled into each other and so did the empty glasses on the tray.

After they had eaten the entire pie, and tasted the caramel of each other’s mouth, Dean went downstairs to take care of the dishes. When he came back, Cas was done making the bed and sat at the edge of the gray armchair skimming through _‘Leaves of Grass’._ Ah, right! They both favored some of the same authors. _How could a simple thing like that make me so giddy?_

Tearing his eyes away from the book as soon as he perceived Dean’s presence, the half-naked man painted by warm light and shadows uttered, “How are you liking Whitman?” Closing the book, he carefully set it back on the nightstand, levered himself from the armchair, and met Dean half way.

One of Cas’s hands rose up to his cheek, the warm palm making it impossible for Dean not to lean into the touch as a brush-like thumb embossed goosebumps all over his flesh, and his lover’s other hand coalesced with his left hand. It was hard to push forth any words when the neurons in his brain had been rendered motionless—he was smoke and Cas a vacuum, drawing him in and leaving nothing behind. When a blink broke-off the rhapsodic moment, he cleared his throat, wet his lips, glanced at the book on the table, and then rasped, “Let’s say that I am a big fan of ‘I Sing the Body Electric’. I like how he asserts over and over again how the male and female bodies are equal, that was risky during his time. And also, that he was so unapologetic at intimately describing and admiring the male body…” his voice faded away when Cas’s fingers abandoned his cheek and rained upon his lips feathery caresses.      

“I agree. _The man’s body is sacred and the woman’s body is sacred, no matter who it is, it is sacred_ —” Cas seriously needed to stop quoting poems while he was so close to him and his hands were touching Dean’s body and his eyes invading his mind. Because damn!

Dean’s eyelids blinked closed as his lips parted and his whimsical tongue tasted the tips of his boyfriend’s fingers. A silent shuddering breath tickled his skin—oh, yeah! His angel was so darn sensitive, what a treat. Unfurling from the fist it had formed at his side, his right hand released his boxers and quickly rushed to the back of Cas’s head to bring it towards his own. Castiel’s hand fell from where it perched on his lips and landed on the dip of his back, heavy as an anvil.

Their lips didn’t crash together, it was more like, they met and melded—silver and gold became one.    

They staggered into the bathroom embracing each other like a couple of smitten young lovers. Goofy smiles and childish giggles sneaked out in between starved kissed. Dean had done his fair share of lip-locking, yet he had never enjoyed kissing someone so much; his boyfriend’s advanced techniques had effortlessly changed that. Kissing with Cas wasn’t a means to an end but rather an act of pure enjoyment. If he could compare it with a feeling, it would be how he feels when he’s making pie. Of course, his mouth waters as he thinks of how the final product will taste, but the satisfaction he gets from mixing the ingredients always managed to push aside those thoughts. Kisses paved the journey to the destination, but getting lost on the way there was the best part. Detours marked by playful touches and drawn out kisses, heart-stopping gazes and the most embarrassing lovey-dovey words were now his new standard. 

Dean opened one of the vanity’s drawers and searched for a spare toothbrush, as he did, his heart became victim of consecutive tremors. Jesus! His melodramatic heart needed to calm the fuck down ASAP. Not too long ago they had partaken in activities that called for this type of reaction, but apparently, his pathetic heart had decided that giving his boyfriend his own toothbrush was more of a serious decision than banging. They brushed their teeth, rid themselves of their underwear, and then strolled into the shower. It was a nice spacious shower with a built-in teakwood bench to the side, black and gray glass tiles covering the walls and white ceramic tiles on the floor, but the best part were the shower sprays from all directions—you gotta love good pressure.  

Letting someone else wash his body, and to feel those hands dedicated to soothe, relax, and pamper him instead of stirring him into pleasure just to seek self-satisfaction, was eye-opening to him. Cas’s hands moved with purpose, nimble fingertips kneading his back muscles and shoulders, finger pads rolling down the knobs of his spine and up his flanks, and then deftly down his arms until they sailed to his hips, experienced fingers rubbing and carefully loosening any knot and tension. Castiel was so attentive to his injured knee, and even as he knelt behind Dean, Cas’s finger pads knew exactly where his scar was, where it began and where it ended. He let himself have this, have this tenderness and full-focus; he let himself enjoy without tensing up or letting his thoughts twist this moment. This wasn’t sexual. _This_ was intimacy. And he craved it.

But he wasn’t a saint. He felt deeply and his body did as well. So, it didn’t surprise him that his dick was standing at attention and demanding some action. When he turned, Cas was still kneeling, mouth semi-parted and cheeks flushed. A glanced at his boyfriend’s lower half told him that Cas was feeling it as much as he was. But his gaze didn’t linger there. Wasn’t it funny how for someone as sexual as himself, the part of Cas’s body that made him shiver wasn’t his prominent erection but rather his blue irises? Looking into his lover’s eyes was like falling into a star-studded midnight sky—they blinded and burned him. He extended his hand for his angel to take, their fingers interlacing as Cas rose to his feet. The sprays massaged their flesh while water droplets created rainbows in the air with borrowed light; steam fogged mirrors and the shower glass door, the sound of water composed a sound wave too meek to drown the bustle of his heart and the uproar in his ears.

Dean really wanted to put his mouth to work in the south part of Cas’s body, but his knee was a bitch and refused to give him a break. So, to compensate for his body’s rebelliousness, he leaned in up close to a deliciously wet Cas, pushed him against the nearest tiled wall, let his mouth take possession of those damn pink lips, and allowed his right hand to wrap around both of their straining erections while the other hand crept up to dark locks and tightened. Hisses and choked noises rip from their throats, delighted mouths basking in the havoc they wreck on one another. Cas’s hands— hands that were freakin’ _made_ to give pleasure, and to render Dean clay at their fingertips, smoothed down to his ass and grabbed a hold of it as if Cas’s life depended on it. Dean was sure that if he took a picture of his butt, Cas’s hands would be clearly imprinted on it.

Pumping his hands up and down in a presto tempo, thick hot cocks straining and balls drawn up, tongues licking lips and necks, teeth nibbling jaws and ears, lips mouthing and sucking wet skin and legs slightly tremulous, with each calculated twist of wrist and erratic thrusts of their hips their orgasms grew closer in the pit of their bellies. One particular flick of Dean’s wrist brought about Cas’s climax, wringing out of him a guttural cry of pleasure and a bite-suck combination to the tender skin of Dean’s neck while slender-fingered hands pull him closer to the breathless man in front of him and hips rocked hard against his swollen dick. The movement stole a loud gasp from Dean, and as flames brew in his stomach and consumed him, he fell towards Cas, effectively pinning him against the wall. Back arched, head thrown back, and mouth agape as his orgasm shook his body to the core, Dean lost himself for a finite amount of time.

 Castiel rubbed his back and kissed the column of his neck, all the while he whispered words Dean couldn’t hear over the sound of his blood rushing through his ears.    

Once showered, Cas reached for one of the dark gray towels, and with one guileless look from those deep-night blue eyes, he assented. He wasn’t used to so much sweetness, respect, and thoughtfulness, but it felt damn nice. It felt right. Ergo, he allowed himself to be pampered, convincing himself it was for Cas’s sake and not because he needed it too. Carefully, each limb and plane and curve of his body was dried by the towel in Castiel’s hands, and it was done with so much tenderness that his thoughts scattered and his muscles relaxed. Intimacy and sex, these two things didn’t seem to be different from each other when experienced with the man now patting his hair dry.

Clothed in boxers and black tank-tops, they walked out of the steamy bathroom side-by-side towards the bed, their arms so close they exchanged each other’s heat. Despite the spacious room, their bodies have decided letting inches separate them was preposterous, and Cas agreed.

The smell of fresh sheets permeated the air and the scent of almonds lingered on their heated skin; tired bodies rested on the soft mattress, while damp hair ruffled by the gentle breeze of the ceiling fan began to dry as breaths intermingled with each other, and petal-light kisses brushed against tender lips. Dean’s head rested on Cas’s firm chest, tilted just enough to savor the loving touches; meanwhile, arms coiled around one another like wild vines and legs tangled as if trying to unconsciously keep each other from leaving. In the now dark room, the bright cool light of the moon made its way through the white thin curtains, easily painting a monochrome                       palette over the floors and walls. It was perfection at its best, the ultimate feeling of peace. Dean had never known intimacy like this. He had always been a closeted cuddler, but he never dared with his previous partners. With Cas, though, it felt natural being like this.

It was very late already, almost 1:30 am, and after a busy day at work, nervous feelings, a pleasant but tension charged date, and the strenuous activities that followed plus pie, and very salacious shower activities, it was no wonder their eyes were willingly yielding to sleep.

“Good night, Dean. Sweet dreams, mi Cielo,” whispered Castiel, as he kissed his lover’s lips one last time before branding another kiss to dampened light-brown hair.

“Good night, Cas.”

It was strange how loss and pain have the ability to destroy but also build a person. How they had made him aware of things he never thought about before his mother took with her most of his happiness. His shitty life experiences had made him who he is, even if he hated himself for it most of the time. Yet his suffering has helped him relate to others, become kinder. And it was because of those reasons, that unknowingly, he had come to the conclusion that he didn’t want to forget the pain of the past, because he had learned from it. His mother’s last words before she passed away came to mind.

**_‘My sweet, beautiful, and kind Dean, cry, but don’t let the sorrow embitter your soul and eat the flames of hope warming your heart. Because even the stars shine brightly after a stormy night, after the thick clouds have dissipated into nothingness. You will be happy again. I will make sure of that.’_ **

_You were right after all, mom_. At last, he could finally make sense of her last words; she had kept her promise, yet his happiness will never be complete. But from now on, he would try his best to live a life that would make her proud wherever she was.

Cas had recited his favorite Neruda poem to him a few days ago, when he asked Dean if he wanted to be his boyfriend. Dean never had the chance to reply with his favorite poem. Now seemed fitting, even though Cas was fast asleep (yeah, yeah, he was a chicken shit for doing it now. But whatever). If someone had told him years or six months ago, maybe even a month ago, that he would be willingly reciting poems to his sleeping lover, he would have beat the crap out of that person. ‘Real men don’t do sissy crap like that,’ he has heard that countless of times. Oh, well…

What he felt, only this poem could explain. _Amor._

_So many days, oh so many days_  
seeing you so tangible and so close,  
how do I pay, with what do I pay?

_The bloodthirsty spring_  
has awakened in the woods.  
The foxes start from their earths,  
the serpents drink the dew,  
and I go with you in the leaves  
between the pines and the silence,  
asking myself how and when  
I will have to pay for my luck.

_Of everything I have seen,_  
it’s you I want to go on seeing:  
of everything I’ve touched,  
it’s your flesh I want to go on touching.  
I love your orange laughter.  
I am moved by the sight of you sleeping.

            Without expecting it, the certainty of Cas’s consciousness unaware of his voice was suddenly shook by a raspy voice that paused his own for a moment, yet expectantly encouraged Dean to mingled their words and continue in unison.

_What am I to do, love, loved one?_  
I don’t know how others love  
or how people loved in the past.  
I live, watching you, loving you.  
Being in love is my nature.

There was more, but their voices decided the unsaid words were better left that way. With soft smiles, arms hugging tighter, a peck of lips, and lingering gazes— this time, together, the both left consciousness behind.

**********

Next day greeted Cas with an empty bed and the smell of crepes. As his eyes parted and his vision was welcomed by the last seconds of dawn as it chased the sunrise, his body remained indolent enjoying the last vestiges of sleep. Before long, he was drowned in a golden urn; the bright yellow light of the sunrays percolating through the white diaphanous curtains brought back to mind the fond memory of the lovely Japanese Yamabuki rose. A five-petalled wild flower that grows freely on riversides and at the edges of woods, with its serrated-edged leaves yet thornless, fragrant, and delicate; like its connotation in the rich Japanese symbolic flower language, everything felt fresh and innocent. Despite their activities being anything but chaste, he felt that what had happened between had been pure.

He had poured himself entirely into Dean’s being, and he wanted to think that Dean had felt it. Despite the ghost and barriers and nightmares, he hoped Dean had let himself be free if only for those moments.       

He would have loved to wake up to Dean’s radiant countenance and warm body, would have liked to help him cook breakfast, and move around each other’s spaces in the kitchen while smiling at each other. Yes, call him a sap. A hopeless romantic. An enamored fool. Because he was all of that—unapologetically. Castiel pulled off the blanket wrapping the lower half of his body, and then flung his legs over the edge of the bed. A subtle chill crept up his feet and his eyes fluttered, after the sensation had passed, he stood up and patted to the bathroom as his hands tried to shoo away the vestiges of sleep lingering in his eyes.

After dressing up in his slacks and rumpled shirt, he took down the stairs with steps loud enough to alert Dean of his presence. He didn’t want to startle him, to disrupt the calm he saw gently illuminating his boyfriend’s eyes last night. A song that he hadn’t heard before played from Dean’s pink iPod on the counter, and he quietly stood by the island to listen to the words and take in Dean’s voice as it sang along. The relaxed lines of his gorgeous man’s shoulders and a side glance accompanied by the most sublime smile, told him Dean had noticed his presence. No words passed between them, the heart-stirring lyrics swirled about imbuing everything with a sort of hope.

_We climb and climb and at the top we fly_  
Let the world go on below us, we are lost in time  
And I don't know really what it means  
All I know is that you love me, in my dreams

_I keep hopin' one day I'll awaken, and somehow she'll be lying by my side_  
And as I wonder if the dawn is really breakin'  
She touches me and suddenly I'm alive

Cas felt this need to cloak Dean with his body, this odd melancholy prodding at his soul, and he couldn’t hold back anymore. Thus, he let his feet carry him to the beautiful man placidly cooking and singing and wearing nothing but black boxers and a worn-down white t-shirt, and allow his arms to cocoon him. Tension froze the man in his arms only for an imperceptible second before he melted into the embrace; Cas was glad, oh, so very glad that Dean was getting more and more comfortable with being held. Dean deserved all the hugs, all the loving gestures, all the reverential caresses. But he still needed to ask.

Pressing up against Dean’s muscled back, Castiel bundled him up closer in his arms, and then uttered, “Good morning, Dean. Is it okay to hold you like this?”

The question made in such a quiet, slightly unsure and fearful tone filled Dean with regret. Maybe he shouldn’t have told Cas all of that crap last night. He had these conflicting feelings clashing inside of him; on the one hand, he cringed at being treated with kid gloves but on the other, it felt good to be asked if the way his body was being handled was acceptable. It was something basic, but to him it was a new experience.

“Y-yes…” Heck yeah, it was okay. It was more than okay. He felt a bit pathetic about how much he wanted Cas’s touch, about how his body leaned into his boyfriend’s body, and melted into those arms that told him he wasn’t the only one who was enjoying this.

“Why do you always smell so good?” Murmured Cas as he nosed over the bend of Dean’s neck.

With a cheeky smile that almost made his cheeks hurt, Dean retorted, “Maybe because I take daily showers and the occasional bubble bath?”

            Playfully nibbling Dean’s earlobe, he questioned with amusement, “Occasional? I noticed your bath salts supply is low.”

Without missing a beat, his boyfriend husked, “A man has to have his guilty pleasures, no?”

“True…I wonder if it is too soon to invite myself to one of those ‘occasional’ bubble baths?”

Dean’s head made a slight turn, effectively landing his still tender lips over his Freckled Beauty smirking ones. Malachite eyes lay upon him, bright as stars on a moonless night and full of mischief—and Castiel felt as if his body had been filled with helium; he felt as if a soap bubble trying not to burst from happiness.

“Ask, you shall receive, Mr. Novak. I might surprise you one of these days.”

“And I shall be waiting impatiently,” he whispered as he sealed a kiss on the shell of Dean’s ear at the same time his arms tightened their hold around the man in his arms.

_Cingulomania, huh?_ _Yes, it must be it_ , he thought. Castiel has never felt such a strong desire to hold someone in his arms.

“Dean, I, um…”

“What is it, Cas?”

“I haven’t returned the Led Zeppelin t-shit and underwear you let me borrow some time ago. I am sorry. I forgot. No. No, I didn’t forget. Maybe I didn’t want to part with them, and I know it sounds strange. But, I will do so. Do you have any plans for tomorrow evening?”

“No, not really. Why? And you don’t have to apologize, I think I might have done the same if you let me borrow something of yours.” _Since when has I become so honest about my feelings?_ Maybe this was another benefit of therapy, and of being with Cas.

Taking a deep lengthy breath, arms still cinched around Dean and chin resting on his boyfriend’s right shoulder, Cas voiced, “Would you like to come to dinner at my house tomorrow at around 6-6:15? And also, if you agree, I would like to invite my family as well.”

You know that feeling when you ride a roller coaster and your cart goes uphill, and then once it reaches the top it drops down on a sudden freefall? This was one of those moments for Dean. Meet the family, huh? He was rather intrigued by all the snippets he has heard from Cas. Gulping down his nervousness, eyes on the skillet in front of him, spatula in hand loosening the edges of the last crepe, and deft fingertips quickly flipping it, he responded, “Yes and yes. What are you cooking?”

Relief flooded Cas from top to bottom. Maybe Dean had taken pity on him and his hammering heart. No matter. Dean had accepted both propositions and he couldn’t be more pleased, yet he knew his family and its prying nature, but he also knew his Freckles could hold his own.

“I was thinking-”

_My mind was aching_  
And we were making it  
And you shook me all night long  
Yeah you shook me all night long  
Knocked me out I said you  
Shook me all night long  
You had me shaking and you  
Shook me all night long  
Yeah you shook me  
When you took me

Suddenly interrupted by the catchy lyrics they were too busy to hear before, they both looked at each other in sync, eyes wide and shimmering with humor. The furious pink infusing their cheeks and wiggling eyebrows, Dean’s body twirling in his arms and the kiss that broke into a fit of giggles—it was a perfect moment, as perfect as they come.

*********

            “You look different, Dean. Happier. What happened?” His brother has always been so freakishly intuitive, probably that’s one of the reasons he was such a great lawyer. But then again, they were both pretty good at reading each other. It was a bit unnerving that after just one night with Cas, he could firmly state that he had never felt better after having sex than he did now.

            “W-what? What the heck are you talkin’ about, dude?” He didn’t know why he felt so self-conscious all of a sudden, but he did and it made him want to turn on his heels. Dean really hated the part of him that has become so sensitive. _Where was his rhino skin from before?_ The tough skin that got him through the hell Andrew put him through. The same skin that served him as armor and that kept him from falling apart at the hospital in front of his dying mother, or smiling when all he wanted was cry his eyes out.

            “Don’t play crazy and tell me…” Sam’s voice trailed off as hazel eyes exchanged a knowing look with Jess who was sitting next to him clutching a cup of tea. “Oh, my God! You and Cas finally got together. That’s it, right?” his brother suddenly declared almost bouncing out of his seat.

            Thank God, he was sitting down on the opposite side of the kitchen table, if not, he was sure he’ll would have his arms full of moose right now. But still, Sam was too matter-of-fact in his conclusion. _Was Dean being so transparent?_

            “H-how do you…” Shit! Way to go buddy. _What’s with the stuttering?_

            His brother fixed him the largest grin before responding, “Maybe because you are giving off happy vibes and kinda glowing.”

            “Glowing? Seriously? Who are you? Stop creeping me out.” Turning to Jess, who looked excessively amused by their bickering, he said, “Please, don’t let him read Jane Austen anymore.”

            Ignoring the joke that was meant to deflect from the conversation, Sam smirked as his eyes traveled to his brother’s neck before answering, “And also, because that hickey on the left side at the base of your neck is a neon sign that spells things I really don’t want to know.”

            Immediately, his left hand flew to cover said neon sign, but before he could try to push any words out or the mortification killed him, as if heaven sent, his little Caramel Frappuccino decked in a pair of coral shorts, a mint striped 1-shoulder tank-top, and white sandals came running towards him.

Flinging herself into his arms, Mary Rose asked, “Unki D, can we go have some gelato, pwease?”

            Oh, he loved his girl, and not only because she saved him from an awkward conversation. Let’s make this clear, he was no prude, but he didn’t feel like discussing his sex life or even more embarrassing, ‘his love life’ with his brother. Not now at least, maybe later when he was in the mood to embarrass his little brother. Thus, levering himself from the chair, he made a fast and clean escape, like a bat out of hell.

            “You heard the girl. See ‘ya later!”

            “Coward!” Called Sam teasingly.

            “Mind your own business, Big Foot!”

 

**********

“Cas, I know you have another class, but do you have some time to spare? Can we talk? There’s something I need to tell you.”

The gravity threading Sam’s usually relaxed and friendly voice hinted at the seriousness of the conversation to be had. He didn’t need Sam’s permission to date Dean, but he liked the younger man and he wanted his approval. Cas valued their friendship, conversations, and shared interests. And most importantly, Dean adored his little brother and Castiel knew that for his lover as well as for him, family occupied a primordial place in their lives.

 “Of course, Sam. Do you want us to stay here or go somewhere else?”

“No, here’s fine. Your office would be ideal since it’s more private and away from prying ears.”

Castiel nodded, and then picked up his cellphone from the small wooden round table he kept near one of the mirrored walls on the mat. _What could Sam want to talk about?_ _Does he already know about Dean and I?_ Maybe everyone knew already. He had to force down the giddiness bubbling in his chest, which threatened to send a smile bouncing to his lips. Now was not the time. Waving and saying goodbye to the other students as they walked towards the office, Cas exchanged a look with Alfie who was coming out of the office, uniform in hand. Alfie will make sure they weren’t interrupted.

Once in the office, Castiel closed the door and offered Sam a seat. Seat he didn’t take right away, instead choosing to pace back and forth in the snug space as if a cage wild animal but lacking the aggression. Hazel eyes were variegated with discordant emotions, thin lips pulsed with tension and his usually relaxed brow furrowed by warring thoughts—what was to come wouldn’t be pleasant, hence, Cas summoned every tendril of calm he possessed to steel himself for what Sam had to say.

“Dean told-… well, not really told me. It was more like I noticed something different going on with him and after some teasing and quips, Jess and I concluded that you guys have ‘officially’ started dating. And I’m happy for you guys, I really am. I mean, Jess and I were kind of like a Cupid of sorts for you guys. I’m glad Dean is dating you, we all are but…”

“But what, Sam? What is it?” He was a patient man, just not so much when Dean was involved. Sitting down to have this conversation wasn’t an option; he couldn’t make his feet move thus, he leaned back against his desk and waited for Sam to center himself. Meanwhile, his lungs received no air for he was paralyzed by the words that awaited to leave Sam’s mouth.

Taking a lengthy breath and downing a drink of water as he prepared himself to voice his thoughts, he sat on one of the rolling chairs and leaned on his elbows. Tension outlined every line of his body and clenched his jaw; some nights he still woke up screaming Dean’s name, desperately throwing his arms forward, trying to keep his brother from walking towards their mother. “Dean came out of an extremely unhealthy, abusive, and destructive relationship, if you could call it that. And he…it ended _bad_ , Cas. It ended with him in the hospital.”

“Yes, he told me everything or at least I think he did, but for the look on your face maybe there’s more to it. He told me he almost died.” Death and Dean were two words that shouldn’t be associated for many, many years. It made his skin creep just thinking about the putrid touch of death as much as hovering over Dean’s flesh. 

Shaking his lowered head at Castiel, Sam looked nothing like the larger-than-life man he’s used to seeing. The man in front of him was a little brother, a person mercilessly ravaged by grief and fear— haunted.

“No, not almost. _He died_. Dean flatlined right in front of Jess and I. It’s just that…I just never told him. I couldn’t…Because deep down, I knew, that maybe that was what he wanted at the time…”

Hearing those words sent Cas’s mind into a chaotic spiral of caliginous thoughts. Dean _wanting_ to die. Dean’s pain being so unbearable that he would _wish_ for the embrace of the Grim Reaper. Dean lost to him, to his touch and his kisses; Dean’s ears deaf to Cas’s prayers and his lips cold to his mouth and his eyes empty of stars—it was too distressing to imagine, the weight of it threatening to crush him.

“When I saw the doctor glance at his watch as if to tell the time of his passing, I went berserk. According to Jess, because I don’t remember much of what happened during those moments, I grabbed the doctor by the collar, shook him, and screamed at him _‘You have to revive him! Do you hear me?! You have to bring him back! Even if I have to sell my soul, you have to bring my brother back!’_ I was dragged out of the room by security. And Jess, poor Jess was torn between staying with Dean and offering assistance, or going with me. But she was off-duty so she sat by my side, quietly comforting me in her arms.” If it hadn’t been for Jess’s strength and faith, he would have been lost; he would have been an even bigger mess while he waited for the doctor or nurses to come out to tell him if he would have to prepare a funeral, or drop to his knees in gratitude.

At that moment, as he waited uselessly outside that hospital room, he felt like a leaf ripped prematurely from a newly blooming tree— _hopeless_.  He had felt 11 years-old again. And effortlessly his mind made him relive past gut-wrenching memories of him looking at his brother laying on a gurney with a bruised and half-swollen face, an almost broken jaw, and a shattered spirit. But the second time around had been worse, because Dean’s life had been claimed by death. Sam had never told Dean about his nightmares, his pain was mild in comparison to his brother’s bloodcurdling reality. A reality he wanted to believe was becoming more livable. Distractedly, one of his icy hand clasped the water bottle in his grasp and the other tremulously raked through his dampened hair, as he proceeded, “I couldn’t think, Cas. You don’t know how it feels to see your big brother, your _only_ brother, the _best_ man I have ever known, a good and kind and hardworking, loyal and loving and caring person lying dead before you. I felt so powerless, so I prayed. I prayed for the first time since mom died. And my prayer was heard, answered. Dean made it. Death left with empty hands, without taking with it the best of The Winchesters.”

He lost Dean for an instant and his world collapsed in on itself. Sam could only imagine a fraction of the devastating pain his big brother went through when their mom died in his arms. Yes, Mary had died in Dean’s arms while she petted his cheek and talked to him. One of the nurses who had become friends with Dean told him. No wonder his brother hated hospitals, and the smell of it was enough to trigger him. But maybe that trauma had started to develop even before that, probably when John sent a young Dean to the hospital.

The thought of Dean gone from this world, of them never meeting, of his bright green eyes fading, of his skin becoming a frosty wasteland— it was too much for him, he couldn’t imagine how it had felt for Sam.

“If Dean heard me giving you the ‘If you hurt him, I’ll kill you’ line, I’m sure he’ll be rolling his eyes and threatening to kick my ass. But I promised him and myself, while he fitfully slept that day, that I’ll never let anyone else hurt him again. I’m not gonna lie Castiel, I did a background check on you and found nothing, only minor things. Things that seem to go against your true nature. I guess you were just in a bad place. But be careful not to slip. Just know that I know where you live. I’m a lawyer. I own a gun. And as you have seen, I don’t need a black belt to pack a punch.”

Cas nodded. He would probably do the same if any of his loved ones had gone through what Dean went through. But Dean definitely would be upset if he knew he was being talked about behind his back, even if the intentions came from a good place. He knew a thing or two about Dean Winchester: One, he hated feeling vulnerable and two, detested others to see him as such. Though to him, Dean has never seemed weak; his lover was a fighter, a survivor, a brave man with a loving heart and the most admirable loyalty. Dean also abhorred lies.

“Dean is too precious to me for me to intentionally hurt him. Hurting him in any way would only hurt me. My one wish is to give him happy moments and to see him smile,” he replied returning Sam’s scrutinizing stare. And then he added, “But I think that you should tell him what happened to him. Dean has the right to know that God, life or the universe decided his life was too valuable to relinquish without having found happiness.”

With extreme hesitation, Sam nodded his head as he worried his bottom lip, hazel gaze somewhat faraway. “I know. I know but--- I need time. Take care, Cas. I think we should all have dinner or lunch together soon. Jess is very happy for you guys, and my little martial artist likes you quite a bit.” It was nice seeing Sam smile; he had such friendly eyes and warm smile.

“Sure. Just let us know.”

Shaking hands and exchanging one last knowing look, they parted ways. Listening to Sam’s recollection of Dean’s ‘death’ had left him mentally exhausted, anxious, and with an unbearable need to have Dean in his arms. But he couldn’t intrude on Dean’s day, couldn’t unsettled him with things still unknown to him, and he needed to learn how to cope with these things on his own, in a healthy way. So, he stretched his arms over his head, closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and then walked back to the mat to practices a few moves before the next class.

Tomorrow, he will embrace Dean and give him that hug his arms were so desperate to bestow upon him.

**********

            Castiel really wished his brother and Balt acted more grown up and weren’t such meddlesome assbutts. They should be at the Richardson dojo, not here looking at him with a humorous and determined glint in their eyes while they wore their black and red karate uniforms. If an outsider witnessed the current situation, they might think these two were up to no good. He was beginning to regret for the tenth time having invited Dean to his house to meet his family. These two were the worst, but the twins and Kali weren’t far behind; Alfie, God bless his sweet personality was the only one he could count on not to embarrass the hell out of him. Anyway, this was the family he chose and _that_ , he will never regret. So, he finished tying his black belt, the now time-softened material a comforting ‘safety blanket’ of sorts in his hands. Cas knew he wouldn’t be allowed to walk out of the office without satisfying the curiosity of the two men in front of him, but he will dig his heels in. What happened between Dean and him, belonged only to them.

Taking a sit on one of the leather rolling chairs and crossing his legs, Balthazar voiced, “So, give us details of your ultra-romantic night with Dean, my darling. After you wined and dined, I bet things got steamy once you drove him home. Who topped or did you switched?”

            A disgusted groan came from his left, poor Alfie was once again caught in the middle of an uncomfortable conversation, and inwardly he groaned as well. His brother of course grinned even wider at Castiel’s irritated expression, and hopped off from his perch on Cas’s desk by the opened door. Indubitably, he was up to something. He was caught between the devil and the deep blue sea, and the only thing he could do was fight back.

One hand resting on his left hip and the other in his hair, he stated, “I am not discussing those private things with any of you. That would be disrespectf-” A surprised gasp leaped out of Cas’s mouth as his brother’s hand connected with his left butt-cheek, and immediately fixed amused honey-colored eyes with a prickly glare.

“Oh! No wincing equals no tenderness, so that means you were the doer, lil’ bro. Good for you! It was about time that mighty dick if yours pounded something again,” announced his brother with a lecherous look.  

At the fulgent blush that suffused his face, Balt and Gabe cooed and then bursted out laughing; the raucous sound bounced off the white office walls in a rich echo, while Samandriel sat on one of the rolling chairs making a disgusted face. 

            He was too mortified to react right away, families were beginning to stroll in and he fervently prayed Gabe’s foghorn-like voice had been somehow unheard. But before he could scold the intolerable hellion who was laughing unconcerned as if he hadn’t said something improper out loud, the sharp sound of a smack snapped him out of his mild panic.

            “Ouch, what the hell, Balthy?” Gabriel hissed as he rubbed the back of his head and stabbed Balthazar with a feline glare.

            “Mind your language, midget. Innocent ears about. Now let’s go to work, our classes start in about an hour and I need to stop by the pharmacy. Let’s leave our poor Cassie alone, we have tortured him enough for today,” the older man declared as he took a few steps towards Cas and stamped a couple of kisses on his flushed cheeks.

“Oh, c’mon Cassie, don’t be such a tight ass and tell us something, it doesn’t have to be in detail.” The Cheshire Cat would be envious of his brother’s enormous grin and glimmering eyes as he approached Cas and rested a hot palm on his shoulder.

“You are utterly crude and insufferable, Gabe. My reasons for avoiding introducing Dean to you just keep piling up.”

            “Fine, fine, chill. But ‘m not done with you yet, bro.” Gabriel was the sort of person who never took a ‘no’ for an answer, his curiosity always had to be appeased or he’ll never leave you alone. Yet, Cas was willing to suffer through it, because from his mouth not one word will reveal any detail of Dean’s and his intimate moments. Now it was time to extend the invitation he made to Dean to his family.

            “I invited Dean to have dinner at my house tomorrow at 6 o’clock, and I would like all of you, Timothy and Jacob and Kali to accompany us. If you have plans that is o-”  

            His sentence was cut short by a series of whoo-hoos and a light sock on the shoulder courtesy of his brother. He was a little overwhelmed by the reaction, Alfie being the most composed of the three, though not the less enthusiastic. The hands on his waist relaxed and he shifted from one foot to the other, he was a little bit awkward in these kinds of situations, even around family.

            “Plans? Are you kidding me? We’ll be there! We can even help you cook or more like, this one (pointing to Balt), or Kali and the Wonder Twins.”

            “No. I prefer to cook this dinner myself, but thank you.” A tense swallow moved his Adam’s apple; he just wanted Dean to have a good time with his family, to smile and feel comfortable, and for him to know that Cas was serious about their relationship.

            “Uh-oh, are you sure about this Castiel? Good luck, you’re going to need it. But I’ll be there with you to help in any way I can. I’m sure Dean likes you enough to overlook the annoying parts of your life,” Samandriel whispered as he got closer to him and placed one hand on his left shoulder, fond greyish-blue eyes traveling from him to the nosy duo high-fiving excitedly in front of them.

            Alfie was so good, so pure, that Cas could never resist to smile at him even when he didn’t feel like it. Patting his cousin’s light brown hair, he ignored the noisy crazies making a rather heartwarming spectacle of themselves in favor of responding to Samandriel’s words. “Thank you, Alfie. And bring Winniel, I’m sure Tippens and Agatha will be happy to see her.”

            “Don’t look so terrified, love. We will behave, and don’t worry about Short Stack here, I’m sure Kali will keep him under control.” Balt was more controlled than Gabe, but he could be just as wild, yet the determination to uphold his words was an indelible promise insculpted in his vivacious light-blue eyes.

            A scoff paired with an elbow to Balthy’s ribs was Gabriel’s answer. Thin lips took the shape of a mirthful smile as a wink flitted across a face that spelled trouble. “Don’t worry Cassie, I’ll be good. Cross my heart, but if I can’t keep the promise I don’t wish to die.”

            It made Castiel feel a bit more relaxed to know that Balthazar knew how important this dinner was for him, and despite his childish behavior, he knew Gabe would never let his overprotectiveness ruin things for Dean and him.

            “Don’t listen to him, mon chéri. I’ll take care of this twit. Now, it’s time for us to go. Alfie, my dear, see you later. And bring Winnie.”

            “It’s Winniel,” Samandriel deadpanned while he typed something in the computer.

            “Yes, yes, that, sorry. The twins are driving me crazy for a dog. I swear to God we will end up with one and I’ll be the one taking care of it.” The irritation that was supposed to imbue his words fell flat to the affectionate curl of his lips; his friend was utterly whipped. “Anyhow, it’s time for us to clear off and let you guys work. We’ll talk to you lads later. Have a jolly good day, cheerio.”

            “See ‘ya later kids. And Cassie, you can breathe now. We don’t want that smart brain of yours to suffer any damage.” Blowing a couple of kisses at him, his brother and best friend left just as they have come in—in a whirlwind.

            Standing up from his chair, Alfie stretched his arms over his head, in that way disarranging his cobalt blue and black uniform. Afterwards, while he fixed his jacket and brown belt, his cousin announced, “I think I threw up a little in my mouth after hearing Gabriel speak.     Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to schedule a brain transplant so I can forget all the unwanted images floating in my head.”  

            From earshot, he caught his brothers voice. “…Cassie is such an adorable sour puss, right Balthy?”

            _God help me tomorrow_ , he though as he patted out of the office and onto the mat.

             

             

           

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> Thank you for reading :D


	31. A Sunday to Remember~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean meets Cas's family. Wish him good luck!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, 
> 
> Long time no see. Lack of motivation and also self-doubt have kept me from writing more often. I love this story, I do. But I don't know if people ares till interested in continuing to read it. Anyway, one of the moments we (or maybe just me) have been waiting for is here. Let's see how Cas's family reacts to Dean. 
> 
> Happy reading!

 

            Dean had asked Cas if he should wear his suit or a long-sleeved shirt, but smiling at him in the way that made Dean’s heart all wobbly, his man had told him to dress like he usually did, to just be his charming self. Cas was such a freakin’ sap, and God helped him, he loved it. So, he decided to wear his best pair of black jeans, boots, a plain black t-shirt, and a plaid long-sleeved shirt in earth tones. He has been told those colors make his eyes pop, and if he may say so himself, he looked damn good. As he was fiddling with his hair in the bathroom, the ‘Ramble On’ lyrics filled the air, a glimpse at his phone told him it was his moose of a brother. His hands were sticky with gel, so with one of his knuckles he swiped the screen to answer and put the phone on speaker.

            “What’s shaking bacon?”

            “Seriously, Dean? You’re behind on the ‘sound hip vocabulary.’”

            A snort made it out of his mouth while he finished up spiking up his hair. “Like you would know what’s hip, Mr. Fancy-Pants-Attorney.”

            “And just because I’m an attorney—according to you— I can’t be cool? That’s a stereotype, Dean.”

            “No—not a stereotype, it’s just that I know you.”

            Arguing with Dean was like arguing with a mule, he was darn stubborn. But this call wasn’t about teasing each other, he needed to confirm something. Clearing his throat, he decided to just ask. “So, are you getting ready to go to Cas’s and meet the family?’

            The lengthy silence that followed told Sam everything he needed to know, but there was more he wanted to ask. Yet, he didn’t want to be pushy. Because usually, when he pushes, Dean tends to close-off and become heavily guarded. So, he waited.

            _The hell?!_ He hadn’t told anyone. Unless, Cas told his brother for some weird reason and didn’t tell Dean. And that was a thought he didn’t like. But before he allowed himself to turn into a spitfire, he took a few deep breaths and washed his hands.

            “How the heck do you know that, Sam? Did you by any chance bug my house?” Yes, he was trying to downplay the situation, as well as his mood and emotions, and joking always helped him calm down.

            A long-suffering sigh rushed through the line, it was funny how he could read Sam’s entire mood through it—relief, a bit of amusement, and exasperation.

             “No. Gabe---Gabriel told me. One way or the other he got my number and called me a few minutes ago,” Sam confessed.

            “Ah.”

            “Did you told him to call me ‘moose’?” His brother sounded rather annoyed by Cas’s brother calling him that—but to be honest—it was kinda funny.

            “How the hell would I have told him that, Sammy? I haven’t met the guy.” But he sounded like a pain on the ass already, Dean thought. Oh boy.

            “Mm, maybe it was Jess?”

            “Jess? Why?”

            “Well, they seem pretty chummy with one another… But when I asked her if she had given him my number, she said no.”

            “Dude sounds like a handful. Maybe, he looked thorough your file at the dojo and found it,” Dean offered.

            “Yes, that’s probably it. So, are you nervous?”

            “Sam-”

            “Dean, are you being all secretive because you’re waiting for something to go wrong?” Silence again. Which meant yes. It must be agony to live like that. His brother deserved to be happy without worrying about unlikely fallouts.

            Air rushed out of Dean all at once, and he suddenly felt burdened by burlap sacks filled with wet sand. Hands braced on the vanity, face hung, and eyes shut, he confessed in an undertone, “Sam, nothing ever goes my way. Things always manage to go up in smoke for me.”

It was difficult and a bit shameful to admit this to his little brother, but at this point Sam already knew about most of his embarrassing life’s details. What’s one more? Weakness in himself was something he abhorred, but life had made it a point to ran him over time and again to get him to accept that part of him. Begrudgingly, he somewhat had. Yet a part of him still fought back.  

Sam didn’t want to offer any platitudes, because his brother despised such bullshit, and he did so as well. Running his fingers through his too long hair as he looked out the window to the pool where his queen and princess played, and he smiled. Hope leads to happy moments. Wishes come true with hard work. Love has a way of healing wounds. Taking chances bring about impossible things.

He wished he could tell Dean all of that, but his brother was a man of action and words to him weren’t as meaningful as deeds. Cas had a lot of challenges ahead of him, his level of perseverance will tell if he is worthy of Dean.

“Just be you, Dean. But hold back a little on being an insufferable smartass, at least on the first meeting.” The startled laughter booming through his ear made him grin like when they were little and they pulled pranks on their mom, Bobby, Rufus, and Ellen. His brother will be fine. Dean is stronger than all of them, plus their family was scary as hell when they had a purpose.

“Thanks, Bitch. Give my girl a hug.”

“Will do. Have fun, Jerk.”

And because apparently, he wasn’t rattled enough to satisfy the sadistic wishes of some asshole deity, his phone rang again. This time it was Charlie. He adored that girl; she was like his sister, his nerd twin. But right now, he needed space and get back his bearing, before he could go to Cas and meet his family. He thought of ignoring the call, but Charlie’s bright face on his screen broke his weak resolve.

Charlie’s voice came through the speaker like a familiar song— warm and cheerful and pulling an instant subdue smile from his lips. His hair was done and his hands washed; he was ready to go, he could take his phone from where it rested on the vanity and walk out of the bathroom, but he couldn’t make his feet move—they had grown roots underneath his soles.

Dean cleared his throat, blinked his eyes which still refused to meet his reflection in the mirror, and gulped down the bittersweet aftertaste of his conversation with Sam. The truth was that the chat with his brother wasn’t what had him jumpy and irritated; it was a _who_. When he drove out of his garage every morning, the first thing that greeted him was Bryan’s scared face through the windshield of his pickup-truck.

“My dearest handmaiden, how are thou?”

The bastard wasn’t even trying to conceal himself. Andrew wanted Dean to _know_ he had eyes on him.

“Hellooo! Dean?”

And he should just go and face Andrew’s minion, point his gun at him, and threaten him to tell him where the hell was Andrew.

“Hey Dean!”

Charlie’s concerned ridden voice hoicked him out of his incendiary thoughts, but the wick was still burning steadily. Fury. Fury corded his muscles and curled his fingers and clenched his jaw. _How many others has Andrew victimized?_ Dean wanted to return his cruelty ten folds, until Andrew’s throat tore with painful screams. Torture. The thought of it tickled the savage side of him. If Cas knew, he wouldn’t look at Dean with so much awe. The thought of those hallowing eyes turning from him filled with disgust terrified him. _How could he be so attached already?_ But despite feeling that way, not even his strong feelings from Cas where going to keep him from getting his revenge. Andrew will pay with his life for all the harm he had inflicted not only to him but to others, because he was sure that man’s cruelty had touched many others.

“Dean, you’re scaring me, dude.”

“Charlie.” Dean didn’t recognize the timber of his voice, it came out splinted and dry.

 “Ye-yes? What’s going on, Dean? I can tell there’s something bothering you,” came his best friend’s voice.

He shook his head both to clear his head and answer the question, despite knowing she couldn’t see him. “I-it’s nothin’, don’t worry.”

Some rustling swished through the line, Charlie must be walking away from wherever she was to find a quiet place. “Nope. _No_. You gotta tell me, _now._ C’mon, fess up.” She was like him, mulish; she won’t quit until he tells her.

Worrying his lips until they began to sting, he clenched his fists and then gruffed, “It’s…, one of Andrew’s cronies has been following me around, and taking pictures of everything I do.”

A punched-out gasp sprang forth, followed by a foghorn voice. “WHAT?! Dean! Dean, did you report it to the police? Tell me you did. That fuckface is keeping tabs on you. When did it start?”

Too many questions and no desire to answer them. Goddammit! Why couldn’t he have _one_ freakin’ day, _one_ damn day where he didn’t have to think about his past. One day. One.

Talking another deep breath, and using Cecilia’s method of ‘positive visualization’, he tried to relax himself. “Calm down, girly.”

“Don’t ‘girly’ me, Winchester. Please…”

The sigh that escaped him left him drained, he just wanted to hang his phone and drive. “I noticed it a few days ago. The first day I saw him was when I went to visit you at the office. About a week ago, I think…”

“Crap!”

“And no, I haven’t reported it and I won’t. Haven’t told anyone else either, only you. So please-” 

Apparently today was the day for exasperated sighs, he was an expert at getting under people’s skin.

“Please what, Dean? Stay quiet when you could be in danger again? **No**. I won’t stand for it. You can’t ask me to do that; it’s irresponsible.” The strain in her voice felt like sandpaper over sunburned skin; he knew that what he was asking of her was unfair.

“Charlie. Not a word to anyone. _Anyone_. Not until-”

“Until what? Until that son of a bitch shows up at your house, _again_?”

Dean’s silence was enough of an answer. Yes.

“Oh, God! Dean! That’s what you want. You want that scumbag to find you. Dean, I know you have your gun ready for him, but---. Dean that man has money to hire thugs.”

Dean felt sick to be the one responsible for Charlie’s worry. He was being selfish. Again.

“Char, I’ll be fine.”

“But De-”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have told you anything.”

“Don’t say that!”

“Sorry. But please keep this between us.”

Sighing a put-upon sigh, his best friend reluctantly agreed. He could clearly picture her looking heavenward, fingers carding through her fiery hair, and expression distorted by fear and anger.

“I’ll call you every day. You have to call me too, once a day. That’s my final offer. I need to know that you’re ok.”

An affectionate yet mirthless smile fractured the thinned-out line of his lips. “Alright, my queen.”

“Okay. Okay. Um, take care. Be safe. Please.”

“Will do, ma’am. Bye.”

Finally. Finally, he could let his mask crack and his shoulders fall down. Exhaustion gained on him. He needed a nap, but Cas was waiting for him. _Cas_. Cas. _Castiel_. 

Leaden feet took him out of the bathroom, down the stairs, to the kitchen, and then to his Baby. It was too bright for his liking, that’s a Texas summer for you. A pie dish on the passenger seat and cold hands on the steering wheel, a muggy breeze floating through the opened windows and Sinatra’s ‘Fly me to the Moon’—he needed every minute it’ll take him to get to Cas’s to stump down the feelings that irked him. The smooth motion of the Impala and the feel of rubber over asphalt, its roaring engine and soldiers rattling in the a/c vents—all of it was more effective than any sedative to settle his mind.

Cas had told him he didn’t need to bring anything for dinner, but Mary Winchester would have smacked him upside the head if he showed up to such an important occasion empty-handed. So, he woke up early, went to the supermarket, and bought the ingredients to make a raspberry pie. He even took the time to make it a bit fancy by making a lattice out of pastry braids. The things he does for _lov-,_ to impress—yeah, to impress…

**********

The pie had already cool down long ago, but his hands were sweating under the white round pie dish. _Calm down, dude,_ he told himself under his breath as he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, straightened, and then exhaled. _Shit!_ He had never been so nervous to meet anyone before, but these people were different because they were _Cas’s_ family. _So, this is how poor Cas felt when he met Dean’s people, huh?_

Dean had decided to leave for Cas’s a bit earlier that the appointed time in hopes to be the first to arrive. It was easier to meet new people when you’re there first and you are the one to welcome them, because all the attention is usually focused on those who arrive rather than those already settled. He decided to knock over ringing the bell, he needed the touch of something firm to root him in the moment and spook away his anxiety. _But who was he kidding?_ As soon as his boyfriend opened the door, his family trailing after him, that hope was thoroughly levigated.  

“Shit!”

“Well, hello to you too, my dear,” uttered Balthazar in a humorous tone. “I like him, Cassie. Keep him.”

Fucking dammit! Did he say that out loud?! Craaaap! Well, at least he was glad his faux pas was amusing to everyone else. Making people laugh was always a plus in his book. Not bad.

But before anyone, even Cas could get to greet him properly, Tippens ran towards him and got on his hind legs in what was nothing short of a profuse welcome. It caught him off-guard, and he was almost knocked to the floor on his ass if it wasn’t for Castiel’s freakishly swift hand at the base of his back keeping him upright. But despite the nerves and the heat frying his cheeks, he couldn’t contain the stretched-out smile on his lips. Because, who could get mad at the energetic fur-ball that jumped enthusiastically like a cute joey with a relaxed tail that wagged loosely, as his tongue mischievously tried to leave slobbery kisses, and dark brown eyes looked at him with the similar adoration he had seen in bluebell eyes. As he thought of this, his eyes traveled to the man next to him who’s hand was still cemented on the dip of his back. One smile. One simple freakin’ smile from those kind lips and most of the tension in his body bled out instantaneously.

Suddenly, he realized Tippens had stopped his excited dance, it was then that he noticed that another fur-ball had taken an interest in him. Mrs. Agatha was as pretty as they come— lustrous onyx fur and eyes as yellow as citrine, pointy ears and a long silky tail, yet what caught Dean’s attention was the intelligent expression in her expression as she stared at him while she sat, and then the way she walked around him, in between his legs to then sit in front of him once again as her eyes locked with her ‘dad’s’. What the heck? It seemed all the women in his life, even female cats were damn scary when being protective. Cas smiled at Mrs. Agatha and nodded, he should have taught it weird, but dammit, he just fell a bit more for his angel.

A rather melodic mew and a light head bunt on his shin, ripped his gaze from his boyfriend and to the now approving feline. He bent down, still holding the pie, but this time with one hand and he waited for the curious diva to come closer, before he let his other hand pet her. Mews and half-closed eyes slowly blinking, fluffy tail twining around his right arm and a furry cheek rubbing against his hand, he didn’t know much about cats, but all of those actions could just be interpreted as an ‘Okay, human, you aren’t that bad. I’ll let you date my human.’ He did a mental fist pump, because heck yeah, two down and six to go.

“Would you look at that, Cassie. The spawn of Lucifer can be nice when she wants to,” commented Balthazar in his attractive British accent, somewhat marveled. Dean was trying to identify the people there, recalling his conversations with Cas. The older man seemed to favor washed out jeans, gray V-necks, and lightweight scarfs even in the middle of Summer.

Straightening up, he swallowed down a string of curses. He had totally forgotten about the people he was here to meet. And now, he was nervous again.

“Maybe it’s the pie. Maybe, I’ll start bringing pie so Mistress of Hell #2 stops looking at me like she wants to smite me,” cheerily voiced the shortest of them all. That must be Gabriel. He wore dark jeans and a brown shirt, and an easy smile on his face which could have tricked anyone who wasn’t family, but Dean had learned a long time ago to read through the masks people often wore to hide themselves. After all, he was an expert on masks. Feline eyes sharper that Mrs. Agatha’s pierced through him, the stare was meant to gauge his intentions, to mince him until only the truth remained.

At his name calling, Mrs. Agatha casted her intelligent eyes at Gabriel and honest to God gave him the stink eye. A wreath of chortling ensued at the show of disdain, and Dean was trying real hard not to get roped into it because he wanted to make a good first impression. Though, maybe he already blew it when he first came in.

“You see, Cassie. She’s evil, you should-”

A low threatening hiss and back and forth flickering tail was all Gabriel needed to shut him up. The dude was actually terrified, and Dean couldn’t blame him. Mrs. Agatha wasn’t to be taken lightly. Duly noted.

“You deserved that,” scolded the tall, brown-skinned, elegant women next to Gabriel. Kali. Dean was sure no one else could pull off a tight silk dress quite like her. The blood-red knee length dress brought out an aura of power that was frankly unsettling, but the warm glow powdered on her face and the speckled of naughtiness in her eyes gave balance to her imposing presence.

“Kaliiii.”

“Ignore the midget, Dean. He tends to be overdramatic, but you’ll get used to it with time. Balthazar Baines, delighted to meet you, handsome,” the older man said in an attractive and steady cadence. His familiarity and easy-going character could have fooled anyone if they didn’t bother to look him carefully in the eyes. Those visibly jolly aquamarine eyes were dangerous razorblades, cunningly and subtly cutting through the bullshit.

“Nice to meet you, man. I’ll heed your advice.”

“Kali Sharma, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Dean. Castiel told me how much you enjoyed the restaurant I recommended.” The silvery voice shaping honest words was coupled by a firm handshake that he frankly didn’t expect. Yes, all the women that surround him were unpredictable.

_How much has Cas talked about him to his family?_ To be honest, knowing Cas, Dean felt a bit embarrassed. Castiel tends to exaggerate about Dean’s abilities and virtues, and defends him from his own self-attacks with a passion that’s quite moving. Mary was like that too; she used to get pissed off at him when she heard him talk self-deprecatingly, even as a joke.

“It’s my pleasure, ma’am. Thank you for helping Cas-”

“Cas? Seriously, Cassie? And you aren’t bitching ‘bout it?” Muttered Gabriel under his breath, quickly followed by a scoff and arched eyebrows.

“Gabe…” warned Cas in a gruff tenor. And Dean would feel bad for the short dude if azure eyes weren’t looking at champagned-colored ones pleadingly, and Gabriel wasn’t wearing such a shit-eating grin.

Next came the twins, two tall columns of firm muscles, olive skin, dark intelligent eyes, and high cheekbones. They were hot as hell in their own right, and once upon a time he would have been all over that—but now…Venturing a furtive side-eyed glance at the man beside him, who was clad in a pair of slim fit black jeans and a short-sleeved cobalt blue shirt, and wore his hair unusually neatly combed, Dean’s heart came to a sudden halt. If a tiny quirk of lips was enough to make everything else look fuzzy, then you have a winner.

“Jacob and Tim Lewis, nice to meet you.” The twins were identical, except for their hairstyles which Jacob sported in short soft black curls, and Tim in smooth semi-long waves, as well as a mole close to Tim’s left eye. Both wore body-hugging blue jeans, and Jacob wore a black and white Metallica t-shirt and Tim black and purple Prince t-shirt.  

Dean was sure that after the introductions, his hand will need a little rest and some massaging. These people might be welcoming him with sincerity and nice words, but what went unsaid by the lips was unequivocally spelled-out by other means.   

“Nice to meet you guys. I can tell you have good taste in music.”

Twin charming smiles beamed at him, before Jacob, who seemed the most outspoken replied, “I like you a little bit more already.”

Everyone was being cordial and welcoming, yet Dean could clearly see each one of them was trying to analyze him and his intentions. They were guarded and obviously protective, tense shoulder lines and squinty eyes, firm handshakes holding a shade too long and bordering painful, if he weren’t used to seeing such reactions by his family, he would be scared shitless. _Thanks Sebastian, you goddamn son of a bitch_ , flashed through his mind.

The youngest of the clan came forward, looking a little shy and less imposing than the others, yet his gentleness shouldn’t be dismissed as weakness. Dean could tell he was one of those people whose honesty could unmask the most talented con-artist. A strong and resilient person who was obviously adored by Cas, and who he in turn idolized.

“Samandriel Hamilton, but you can call me Alfie. Pleased to meet your acquaintance,” said Alfie as he offered his right hand to Dean, while he held an adorable pup in his arm. Wow, this kid talked like Cas, this made him like the kid instinctively. Yeah, yeah, he’s a softie. Sue him.

“Nice to meet you, Alfie. And who’s this cutie?”

“Oh, um, Winniel. I adopted her last month.”

“Hey there, pretty girl,” he almost cooed as his hand gently pet floppy ears. Animals always had a way of pulling at his heartstrings, just like children. Maybe it was the purity and innocence in them calling to him.

_How was Castiel to deal with such sweetness?!_ Dean seemed to melt around children and animals and around people and things he loved— and thus, his sometimes melancholic and bitter exterior, his toughness in character and roughness in language made it somewhat difficult to reconcile those polar opposites.

After the others had finished their introductions, the man Dean knew was Cas’s older brother and who had stood behind, just observing, came forward. His eagle-like eyes calm as he studied Dean, and captured even the tiniest details from his body language.

“Dean, this is –”

Castiel’s introduction got suddenly cut-off by Gabe’s left hand squeezing lightly on his brother’s right shoulder.

“I got it bro. Since my dearest brother has made this so damn formal, I guess I’ll have to step up.” Extending his hand to Dean, palm down and eyes rooted on him, the man facing him let a diminutive quirk of lips slip before continuing. “Gabriel Matthew Novak, but my friends call me Gabe.”

“Dean Winchester, nice to meet you, Gabe.” The handshake became firmer, bordering painful. And at that moment, that cliché phrase about not judging a book by its cover came to mind. He tried to maintain a poker face, and an equally firm grasp on the hand wanting to break his bones.

From the corner of his eye, he caught Cas’s endearing eyeroll. And, can you believe that simple gesture siphoned some of the tension that had mounted in his muscles? _How did Cas do that?_

“Uh-uh, who told you, you are my friend?” Gabriel said with a twinkle in his eyes. And Castiel had to bite down on his lip to contain his goofy smile.

Anyone who didn’t know Gabriel would think he was being dead serious.

A side-glance from Dean and Cas caught those pretty eyes clouded with worry. Castiel didn’t say anything, and opted instead to let his left hand rub soothing circles on his lover’s lower back.

The others looked on at the exchange in silence and half expectant. Their faces glowed with delight. Dean could feel the sincere warmth wrap around him like a fluffy fleece blanket.

A rich bark of laughter shook Gabriel’s body, and Dean’s eyebrows shoot up. A glimpse at Cas’s beaming countenance put him at rest. A small sigh made its way out of his mouth unnoticed at the same time his shoulders loosened.

Gabe was an acquired taste. His sense of humor was sometimes offensive and vulgar and mostly sardonic. Yet, Cas wouldn’t change him. His brother was loyal to the bones.

A slap on his shoulder brought Dean out of his silent conversation with his boyfriend. His body jolted in such a ridiculous way that he almost fell on his ass. _Fuck! Who does that?_ They are going to think he’s a weirdo. Thank goodness for Cas’s solid hold on his back.

Before he could think it, he was a hairbreadth away from Dean. His body moved on its own, a conditioned response. Immediately, his eyes flitted to his brothers’ slightly widened ones. Gabe understood. He hadn’t told Gabe about all he had learned about Dean’s past, nor he planned to. But he had told him enough that night he had gone to Dean’s house and had found him in such a deplorable state. The night he had said out loud—to himself and Gabe—that he was in love with Dean. And Gabe have been there for him during his darkest days, so yes—his brother understood.

“I’m joking Dean-o. Chillax and make yourself at home. I have some stories to tell you.”

Everyone offered him soft smiles, and then turned around to walk towards the living room. Cas’s family was interesting, to say the least. He might have to accept that Cas was right about winning in the nosy, embarrassing, and annoying family department. Strangely, these were his kind of people. 

“Dean, please come in and have a seat. The food is almost ready. And I see that you ignored my words and brought dessert.” Cas’s fond smile kissed his lips without touching them, while his dark opal blue eyes beamed with a sort of pride as they eyeballed the carefully wrapped pie in his hands. “Thank you.”

Dean wasn’t one to give shows of pda in front of others, unless he felt comfortable with them. And, he should follow that strict self-imposed rule in this situation because it was the first time meeting his boyfriend’s family, but Cas looked a little nervous and Dean wanted to soothe him. Yes—that was it. Ergo, taking advantage that everyone was walking back to the living room, he let his free hand fly to cup his lover’s nape and then reeled him in to smack an ardent hasty kiss on parted lips.

  It was quick and barely wet their lips, it increased their thirst and rattled their tongues, and it was exactly what he wanted to accomplish—now he looked forward to Cas appeasing the buzz under his skin. How will Cas do it? How long before they are alone? How will his body respond to Cas’s fingertips? He couldn’t wait to make Cas burn just like that kiss made his body scream for more.

“Our Cassie here-”

A low growl resonated through Cas who was sitting next to him, it was a warning lined with annoyance but that lacked heat. A smirk stretched Gabe’s thin lips as a glimmer of mischief gave his face a childish expression.

“He doesn’t like it when I call him that, but tough shit— I’m his big bro so, suck it up buttercup.”

From the corner of his eyes, Dean saw Cas rolling his eyes in the funniest, most long-suffering way. It tugged from him a smile that bordered on ridiculous. “Big brothers for the win,” he murmured to himself.

“The word ‘Big’ being used loosely in this situation,” quipped Tim, the older twin—which earned a glare from the shorter Novak, and arose good-natured tittering all around. It was kinda cute how Gabriel looked like a little feisty corgi being held back by his statuesque wife.  

“Cassie, you shouldn’t laugh at your brother. You know I have an arsenal of embarrassing stories and pictures of you.” The way Gabriel’s smile lit-up his face as his honey-colored eyes settled upon Castiel reminded Dean of his relationship with Sam.

Next to Dean, Cas sighed a put-upon sigh; it sounded just like Sammy’s when Dean teased him.

“Okay, time to eat,” proclaimed Cas, getting to his feet and clapping his hands.

“Good ‘cause I’m starving. But, do you really think that food—no matter how delicious—will stop me from embarrassing you?”

The look on Gabriel’s face screamed trickster, he was as Cas had described him—nosy, insufferable, a force to be reckoned with, and fiercely protective of the people he loved. The latter was a thing they had in common.

“I had hoped,” admitted Cas while walking towards the modest-sized dining room next to the living room.

“Too bad, lil bro.”

As he directly walked towards the kitchen, raspberry pie in hand, Castiel passed by his brother and commented in a matter-of-fact voice, “You know what, Gabe? Sometimes you are kind of an asshole.”

Cas’s raw honesty and the added cussing startled a huff of laughter from Dean, which he tried to muffle with his fist, yet it was ineffective when his amusement rubbed off on the others. A round of twittering laughter ensued, earning them two energetic middle fingers from Gabriel, before he carried on his bickering with his little brother.

Walking towards his brother and without missing a beat, Gabriel replied, “Sometimes? Kind of? Why, I’m offended brother,” as he clasped his chest in faux pain. And in a carrying whisper, he added, “You shouldn’t have done that, Peaches. Now you leave me no choice.”

It was adorable, how the always composed and serious and in-control Cas, was now a cute little brother being teased by his big brother. For some reason, his boyfriend’s countenance looked younger and more relaxed, and even when he tried to look irritated by Gabe’s tricksy behavior, he couldn’t.

While Cas finished up in the kitchen, Samandriel kept his favorite cousin company. So, that left Dean alone in the living room with the rest of the family. No, he wasn’t intimidated or nervous or craving a shot of scotch. Nope. He sat on the sofa like a mannequin, legs somewhat spread, shoulders tense, and hands on his thighs. The need to drum his fidgety fingertips against his legs was as difficult to avoid as was keeping his feet from tap dancing against the wool, sandstone-colored area rug under his boots. Cas family had gone eerily silent, yet the conversation being carried on with their eyes was deafening. Dean knew what was coming.

While the living room grew quiet, Cas was equally nervous in the kitchen—he had been reduced to a bundle of nerves, too distracted by what was happening a few feet away from them to pay attention to what he was doing.

“I shouldn’t have left Dean alone with them. I should go back-” he was already on his way when a surprisingly sturdy hand seized his left arm and stayed him.

“He’ll be fine. Let them do this. They need it,” Samandriel murmured, wise countenance and knowing eyes traveling from the living room back to Cas’s worried blues.

Slowly, the dead grip he had on the marble and acacia wood bread board in his hands loosened. And he let a long breath relax his muscles and shut his eyes.

“Now, let’s finish up. I’m starving and I’m sure Dean and everyone else as well.”

“Thank you, Alfie.”

“Anytime.”

Back in the living room. The wait ended and Gabe spoke from where he was sitting on a beige armchair. Everyone else either on the sofa or on the floor.

“Let me spell it out for you. I won’t let **_anyone_** hurt my brother,” Gabriel rasped with such promising eyes and danger that Dean honestly believed him. Because the ‘again’ was left unsaid, but it resounded so fiercely it made Dean momentarily deaf.

“ _We_ won’t,” added Balthazar who was sitting next to Dean, voice equally imposing.

The others didn’t have to say much, their eyes conveyed the same promise.

But just to be safe, Kali added as an afterthought, “We wouldn’t want to have to play darts with your dick.”

Yikes. Okay.

“Oh, and we know where you live. I did a background check. Castiel doesn’t know. But you do, so…” Yeah, Tim was the ‘quiet twin’ but probably the most dangerous of the two.

 “Duly noted.” Was all Dean replied. Anything he said was worth shit. He’ll have to just _show_ them with actions, how much Cas meant to him.

Before anyone else could say anything, Samandriel called, “Food is ready.”

As if nothing had happened, as if they hadn’t just threatened him point-blank, everyone just walked happily towards the dining area.

The long and square, driftwood-colored dining table was decorated elegantly yet simple with a pure white linen tablecloth, carefully folded bone-white cotton scalloped edge napkins, white glazed salad and dinner plates, bark edge wood chargers, sparkly stainless steel flatware, and spotless goblets and tall glasses. In the middle of the table, an equally unpretentious but charming flower arrangement of yellow and blush pink roses and eucalyptus in a white ceramic pitcher added a pop of color. Simple, fresh, clean lines, and pops of color jumping from a white and nude and natural wood color skim was Cas’s decorating style. The small entryway, open concept living room, dining space and kitchen, all had the necessary furnishing—nothing more and nothing less. Dean was sure the style carried throughout the house. Though the only exception to Cas’s impeccable style was a hideous mustard-colored worn-down arm chair against one of the walls of the living room next to a window and if he was guessing right, an olive tree.

Instead of taking a sit, everyone went to the kitchen to help Castiel bring the food to the table. Dean couldn’t believe how mouthwatering everything smelled, he should have known his boyfriend was also a wiz in the kitchen, though Cas insisted that he only knew a handful of recipes. All Cas knew— he told Dean— he learned from Federico, the Novak’s chef and from friends during his travels.  

            “Wow, it smells delicious, Cassie. You have outdone yourself today,” praised Balthazar as he set down the steaming double-handle, large paella pan on the table.

            The others carefully set down the rest of the food. Tossed salad, fried pimientos de Padron, fresh sliced avocado and red onions drizzled with vinegar and olive oil, fried plantains, and as for drinks, what looked like authentic Spanish wine as well as glasses of cool water—all in all, it was a feast for the senses. And to be honest, Dean was very impressed and ravenous—it was a feat not to drool.

            _What can’t Cas do?!_ Seriously, the man was well-rounded in everything that mattered. A part of Dean was suddenly prickled with the venom of self-doubt and inadequacy, but the raucous voices that surrounded him drowned the vile voice inside his head.

            ‘Thank you, Balt.”

            “Enough talking. I’m starving.” Gabriel was certainly a lot to get used to, if you’ll come from a ‘normal’ family. Thankfully Dean was used to dealing with firecrackers.

            “I’m sure you can wait a minute, Gabe. You ate some chicken curry before we left the house,” chided Kali, who looked at her husband with a mix of amusement and tender affection whilst she tugged his earlobe.

            “And we’re the annoying ones when we show some tone down pda. Hypocrite!” sing-songed Tim, who was flanking Balthazar.

            “Our pda is cute, and yours…” Gabriel’s teasing voice dwindled as he made a face at the older twin. His answer was meant more to get under the skin than sincere. Anyone could see Gabe was a protective grizzly bear when it came to his family, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t have some fun.

            “Okay. Alright, guys. Anyway, remember we have Dean’s masterpiece for dessert, so leave some room for it.” Cas sounded like a parent who was so used to this kind of squabble that he had learned to tuned it out. Dude had the patient of a saint. Bobby would have knocked their heads together already.

            Everyone perked up—specially Gabe— who seem to love sweets almost as much as he seems to love his wife.

“Oh, yes! That pie looks scrumptious,” confessed Alfie in a small voice. It must be hard for him to be heard with so many noisy family members. But Cas’s fond smile towards his cousin was all the acknowledgement the younger man seemed to need.

_Cas would be an awesome dad_ _someday_ , he thought as a dreamy sight almost sneaked out of him.

_Shit!_ He was in deeper than he had let himself think. Dean tried not to fidget on his seat, and boy if it was difficult not to when he felt as if a hornet’s nest had been kicked inside his chest.

“Keep it away from Shorty here or he’ll eat the whole thing,” Jacob pipped up, smirking as he looked for trouble.

“Zip it, Krispy Kreme. Shouldn’t you be eating a donut or something?” Gabe fired right back, he wasn’t one to pull any punches.

“Do I look like I eat donuts, dickhead?” Jacob clapped back without losing the beat.

Meanwhile, unsuppressed giggles abound.

“Oh, boy…” Samandriel whispered as he released a long-suffering sigh and sat back against the cushions, eyes closed.

At the hilarious exchange, Dean decided that Cas’s family was a winner—an eclectic array of obnoxious and cute, protective and laid-back, a bit scary and unmistakably close—just like his own. _We’ll get along well,_ he told himself.

He noticed Cas’s conflicted expression as azure irises gave him a side-glance. His boyfriend was entertained by the familiar exchange, yet also worried? Maybe worried that his chaotic kindred would be a turn-off to Dean? That this was enough to send him running and change his number. Oh, Jesus. Can Cas be any cuter?! Dean was used to crazy and noisy folks, and he wouldn’t want it any other way. It’ll take more than prickly bickering to drive him away from this dorky yet cool, smart and refined, attentive and charming man. Ergo, he took advantage of the pre-dinner show in front of him to subtly slide his right hand to squeeze his boyfriend’s thigh. Feeling Cas’s tension instantly evanesce at his touch, made tendrils of pride unfurl in his chest.

To receive and give comfort has to be one of the purest feelings in the world.

Dinner was fucking exquisite, okay? Like, plate and finger-licking good. What on Earth was Cas? What couldn’t he do?

While they ate, and drank (well, the rest of the party because, no alcohol for him, of course. But instead a drink he’s never had before and Cas himself made just for him- ginger soda with lime leaf and chili. And it was so delicious another moan almost squeezed out of the seams of his lips), Gabriel took pleasure in telling a few Cas-related stories, much to his boyfriend’s chagrin. He spoke of Cas’s first lap dance and how he had wanted to take him when he turned sixteen, but that Balthazar had talked him out of it.

“I didn’t want to get sent to jail for corrupting minor, even though the idea was tempting,” voiced the older man in his appealing British accent.

“So, I had to wait until he turned eighteen and on the same day of his birthday we took him to one of our friend’s strip clubs, and bought him the lap dance of his life.” Gabe and Balthy exchange a pair of grins that exalted the humor already bathing their eyes.

Cas was quiet, clam, and relaxed, and from time to time shook his head affectionately as he savored the food in his mouth. This moment felt so right. The small tendrils of stress left from the first encounter with this crazy family melted with the increasingly sprouting laughter.

Gabriel continued, “I knew Cassie’s tastes and preferences, so we got a VIP room and invited a lovely tall gal who had the biggest green eyes and was wearing a very skimpy nun outfit, as well as a muscular tall dude dressed in a rather bare cowboy costume to rock his world.”

“But our Cassie was too pure. He sat there like a statue, poor dear. His eyes as round as desert plates and cheeks red as a radish. We though he was going to pass out, poor thing stopped breathing,” added Balthazar as he took a drink of wine.

“Before the show started, we had to get him to relax. So, I fed him fruity drinks laced with alcohol.” The nonchalant way in which Gabriel admitted this was a bit alarming.

“And after the alcohol had melted his inhibitions and nervousness, let’s say that Cassie was another person. He even gave the strippers lap dances, _half naked_. No trace of angel left,” concluded Balthazar barely holding back a roar of laughter.

Mirthful laughter ensued. Dean was sure the others have heard this story countless of times, but it was still amusing enough to make them laugh. It must be because the story was so undeniably Cas that just picturing it is enough to have that effect. When Dean turned his head to look at his lover, he was suddenly hit with so much affection. The cute blush high on Cas’s cheeks and his endearing embarrassed smile and the brightness of his joyful eyes shining at him-it was too much.

“Oh, but there’s more,” announced Gabriel in a thrilling voice as he shoved a mouthful of paella in his mouth.

A low groan surfaced next to him, before Cas grunted, “Gabe, no. Please. It’s still too early to keep embarrassing me.”

But the older Novak waved him off and replied, “Nonsense! It’s never too early to tell juicy stories about my baby brother.”

“Poor chap, but this is always fun.”

“I think I know which story comes next,” Jacob stated excited whilst serving himself another glass of wine.

“Oh! This is definitely one of my favorites. Especially because Balt joined in on the action.” The older twin winked at Dean and let his lips part in a charming smile. It was strange how Tim gave off a bit of a Cas-aura.

“I want to go home. Dean must think we’re all weirdoes,” Alfie murmured, hiding his face behind his small delicate hands.

“Shush! Don’t interrupt. Dean’s the guest of honor and we’re excellent hosts.” Gabriel’s face was that of mischief; he was like one of those elfin beings predisposed to make trouble.

Cas sighed and closed his eyes, and that made Dean even more curious.

“I’ll love to hear it.”

“And I have pics too-”

“Gabe,” Castiel grumbled, throwing his brother a pointed look.

Gabe continued as if his little brother hadn’t said anything, “But not here. At home. I’ll have to look for them.”

“We went to Vegas almost four years ago, and decided to-”

“ _You_ decided,” corrected Kali leaning towards her husband’s side to bump his shoulder. Which prompted him to rest his head on his wife’s for a brief moment.

“More like, he guilt-tripped us,” added Samandriel as he reached for the fried pimientos de Padron.

After a loud huff paired with a ridiculous eyeroll, the older Novak continued, “Yeah, yeah whatever. So, these two idiots,” he said, point at Cas and Balthazar, “decided it was a marvelous idea to have a competition on who could drink more without getting drunk first. Of course, both got plastered right away. Their delicate palates, too spoiled with wine.”

“Belt up, midget! It’s not our fault you have poor taste in almost everything but ladies,” gruffed Balthazar, who Dean suspected was mildly drunk already.

“Bite me, asshole,” retorted Gabriel, flipping him the middle finger. “So, after drinking a table full of beer and vodka, we got a free show. These two got on the stage, started to strip to their undies, and then rode the pole. Whoever didn’t know them would have thought they were real strippers because, the bent down until they touched their toes while they shook their asses, and basically fucked the floor. They got so many tips that it was enough to pay our bill. It was all fun, until the security guys dragged them off the stage.”

“Too bad we didn’t record it,” lamented Jacob.

Dean was in a bit of a shock. He really wanted to see that. Not Balthazar, but Cas. “Wow,” was all that made it out of his mouth, his eyes focused on the handsome man beside him blushing beet red. A thought crossed his mind and he leaned in, close to his boyfriend’s ear.

“I’ll install a pole in my house and pay you. Well, how ‘bout it, will you do it?”

A dark chuckle, seasoned with sin slipped into his ear, and made him shiver.

“You don’t have to pay me,” rasped the man responsible for his crotch getting unbearably tight.

A string of cusses ran through his mind on a loop, his eyes impossibly wide and his mouth agape.

Oh, crap!

The mischievous twinkle in his brother’s eyes and the conspiratorial looks exchanged by his family, paired with proud and amused grins told Cas that his family’s favorite anecdote of him was coming up. Gabe delighted in telling it every time he had a chance.

“Gabe,” he said in an exhausted tone, exchanging a resigned look with Dean who sat next to him.

Of course, his plea was ignored. Typical.

“Now Dean, this is a true gem. Our dearest Cassie is a badass motherfucker who when ticked off and cornered would just say ‘fuck it’ and do what’s in his heart.” Balthazar’s words were imbued with humor and fondness, and a pride so bright it lit up his smiling face.

“This is our favorite Cas story, Dean. We all still feel a little envious of his courage. Not even us, as brazen as we were in our early 20’s would have done what he did.” As Tim said this, he sat at the edge of his seat on the sofa, he shook his head affectionately as a look of admiration cascaded over his rich dark eyes.

Letting his eyes wander around, he urged, “People, do tell. The suspense is killing me.” He wanted in on the family’s most interesting tale.

Cas wasn’t in the least ashamed of this story, but he had to admit a portion of it was a bit embarrassing. Yet despite that, every time he thought about it, his heart swelled and the memories came flooding back like a deluge drowning him in smiles. That experience, he wants to repeat it someday, preferably with Dean by his side. If they are still together. If Dean wants to.

Gabriel resumed his tale with contagious elation, “In a rebellious streak, and also desperate to be himself and far away from our mother’s grasp, he went to Brazil the summer before his senior year at university. Apparently, he had saved almost all his allowance money as well as money from his tutoring job.”

Dean didn’t say anything, just looked at Cas with amusement, because seeing everyone’s facial expressions, told him this story was better than the others. Cas’s lips fighting to grin widely made him giddy.

“Because he didn’t want mother to ruin his plans, he kept the money in cash and gave it to his roommate, Joaquin, was it?” The question was for Cas, and Cas nodded.

“Joaquin was an exchange student from Andalusia, Spain. He was Pan, like me. His parents knew, accepted him. I envied him. He was lucky.” The way in which Cas confessed these things sounded melancholic, but neither him or Gabe let it dampen the mood.

“So, they went together. Where? You might be thinking. Their destination was São Paulo’s Gay Pride Parade,” Gabe sing-songed.

“Shit! Really?” Dean was super impressed to say the least, his eyes went as wide as his lips.

“Go big or go home, huh, Cas? The biggest Pride Parades I have been to have been Houston, Washington DC, and New York.” Dean was impressed Cas defied his mom and did as he wanted back then. Well, at least on that occasion.

“I was young and felt trapped in a life meant to please others. Going to São Paulo was one of the best times of my life. I felt so… _free_ ,” Cas admitted.

Dean nodded, he knew the feeling well. Moments of true freedom are worth the risks.

Gabe shook his head, shoulders moving at the rhythm of his bubbling laugh as the memories came flooding back. “We didn’t go, because we didn’t know until someone sent our mother a CD of the parade, specifically of Cassie’s racy performance.”

“Oh, no! But, tell me more about the racy stuff,” Dean encouraged as he glanced at his boyfriend next to him, who knocked his knee playfully with his own.

A wreath of laughter shook everyone at the table, so much so that Jacob almost splashed the wine in his mouth.

 “Our boy was on one of the floats, half-naked only wearing a pair of silver short-shorts and combat boots. Golden glitter all over his body, the pansexual flag wrapped on his neck like a cape, and his hair spiked and painted bright pink, yellow, and blue. And he was dancing suggestively, hips don’t lie kinda style, and surrounded by drag queens clad in bright and flamboyant costumes and sky-high colorful wigs, and dudes that looked like they came straight out of a magazine wearing these huge golden and white wings, shiny golden speedos and boots. There were also couples kissing and singing and ladies flaunting their naked bodies covered with body paint. I’m telling you man, it was surreal. I have been trying to get him to wear similar short-shorts to the parades we’ve gone to, but he refuses. Maybe he’ll listen to you.”

HOLY FUCK!

“I’ll pay to see that…” Yes, Dean definitely would. There was no way his imagination couldn’t do reality justice.

“I still have the CD at home. Saved it from the fire of the furnace.” The smug way in which Gabe said this, coupled with wiggly eyebrows and an elfish smirk, made Dean feel bad for Cas. He had just met Gabriel, but Dean already knew he was a major pain in the ass.

“WHAT?!” Dean couldn’t hold back his enthusiasm. Who the heck with blood coursing through their veins could pull a lowkey reaction?!

“Gabe! No!” warned Cas, voice calm.

“How much do you want?” insisted Dean to everyone’s amusement.

“Dean!”

“Can you blame me, Cas? Really?!”

“I don’t,” Jacob piped up, “it’s A+, 10/10 content.”

Tim who had been quietly enjoying the exchange, jumped in, “Yes, it is. I can attest to that. Short-shorts have never looked better.”

“Tim, please. Stop encouraging him.”

“Running definitely pays off. And other areas were definitely blessed as you probably may know, Dean,” Kali stated as she brought the cup of wine to her mate red lips.

Dean couldn’t do anything but nod in agreement. But he didn’t know how to feel about his lover’s junk being so well-known by others. Even if those others were his family. It was a little weird.

“What’s the problem, Cassie? You aren’t shamed or embarrassed. So, what is it? You looked amazing,” Balthazar uttered.

“Oh, I think I know. Is it because Dean might get jealous of all the rubbing and bumping and grinding action? Dude, that was ages ago,” Gabe voiced, trying to reassure his little brother.

Dean turned in his seat to face Cas, and then asked, “Is it because of that, Cas?”

“It’s just that… I was slightly drunk, and not in control of my actions, and…”

“And what?”

A raucous laughter startled him from the serious exchange he was having with his boyfriend, and the ruddy color on Cas’s cheeks told him that that wasn’t the end of the story.

“What?” Dean questioned again.

“Our Cassie decided that he needed some more air and-” An incontrollable fit of laughter overtook Gabe, and then sent him into a probably karmic coughing fit. So, Balthazar took over.

“No. Balt!” Cas’s strong reaction added to his curiosity. What was the freakin’ deal?

“Bye-bye short-shorts and welcome Cas’s mighty cock.”

“No way!” Oh, my God! Wow! Whoa! Lucky bastards!

“Just FYI, I haven’t seen that CD and I don’t plan to.” Poor Samandriel was red as a ripe cherry as he made his pledged. Kid must have it rough with this crazy family.

Now everyone was laughing, even Cas. Man, this ‘meet the family’ dinner had been more than he had hoped for. If only he could get his hands on that CD…

After some more drinking and other less graphic and invasive stories, a game of poker which to his surprise Samandriel won, and then dessert, everyone left. After the threat, Dean thought things would be awkward, but Cas’s family had a way of welcoming strangers, put the fear of God in them, and then proceed to play nice. As it turns out, he likes them. All of them. Including Gabe.

**********

Some time passed, after they were left ‘alone’, and Cas decided to get off the couch. Dean wasn’t happy about that and he let out a displeased noise. His head had been very comfortable nested on his angel’s meaty shoulder and his arms content around a thick waist. A grumble leaped out of his mouth, and the answer was a puff of laughter.  

“Get up, please,” Cas said, as he offered his hands for Dean to take.

Dean let himself be pulled to his bare feet by his boyfriend’s efficient hands. Cocking his head to the side, his hands still enjoying the softness of Cas’s holding him steady, he spoke.

“Mmm, what are you up to?”

Just holding hands and standing close was enough for Dean’s lungs to lose air and his skin to tingle. It was damn sorcery.

“Can I take off your clothes?”

_Well, shit!_ Not a virgin. Not his first time. They had gone all the way already. But here he was trying to control the fire burning his cheeks. Cas was one helluva seducer.

Okay. Alright.

Bring it, Novak.

“Oh, Cas! That’s so bold of you, I like it. But your children are looking,” he coyly replied as a teasing smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

An amused laugher rumbled through his angel as he glanced at the curious fur-balls sitting on the floor watching TV, but now staring back at them. “We won’t do anything too graphic to traumatize them. You had physical therapy yesterday and have work tomorrow, and you look tired…”

“I don’t mind…” And he really didn’t. He wanted everything.

“But I do. I care about you profoundly, about your body and mind, and everything.” Leave it to Cas to be so thoughtful and considerate, it both warmed his heart and made him curious to see a Cas free of his unshakable self-control. But for tonight, he’ll concede.

“Okay. Okay. Party pooper.”

And conceding never felt so good. Cas’s uncontained smile—man—Dean was ultra fucked. That smile brought him to his knees every damn time.

“I want you. I always do, don’t get me wrong. But I can show you my affection in other less taxing ways to your body. Would you let me do that?”

Like he could say no to that voice. _Does Cas know how much sway he has over him?_

“Yeah. C’mere and get to it, Castiel. But let me warn ‘ya, my belly ain’t looking too sexy right now. You fed me well,” he confessed while he patted his satisfied stomach. Dean felt high. High on feelings and emotions he had thought lost forever.

He needed to cling to the memories of these ephemeral moments, when darkness came to swallow him up. To recall them. Summon them. Conjure them.

Another burst of laughter as pleasant as harmonious tolling bells flooded the space, it made a pleasurable chill ride up Dean’s spine and his lips respond in turn. Only a fool would get addicted to a sound, but it was already a little too late to realize that now.

Cradling Dean’s face, he pulled his Freckles closer and into a sultry kiss that turned into a cloudburst of tiny fond kisses that tasted like happy smiles, and cranberries. “All of you is sexy to me. Haven’t you notice how crazy you make me, Dean Winchester?”

“ _Fuck_ , _Cas_!” he panted and then swallowed.

“Don’t tempt me,” his lover countered in a thrilling voice that made him shudder, but at the same time wrenched twin smiles from them.

Carefully stripping Dean’s clothes off, Cas tossed then at the farthest end of the sofa, and then lay him down on the cool dark brown leather. The only pieces of clothing left on his body were his red boxers and black socks. Between the v of his thighs, his angel leaned in up close. Irises the color of the Hope Diamond and equally rare, fascinating and mysterious, stared at him with immeasurable carats of tenderness. The weight of that gaze was exceedingly heavy, Dean’s chest victim of its pressure. There he was, legs opened to accommodate his lover’s well-defined body, arms glued to the leather and hands frozen in place; blinking and breathing, swallowing and talking and smelling, he had forgotten how to do it. With Cas, every moment was like this—intense and wondrous. Trying to find answers to the way his body reacted and his thought scattered, and his heart pirouetted and his blood rushed and his breaths stuttered, was useless.

“ _Mi cielo_.”

Slowly, as if he was a wisp of grass or a crystal snowflake or a silk thread or a curtain of mist, Cas’s meticulous hands painted his body with fire.

“Wh-what does that mean?”

His boyfriend was just kissing his skin and brushing his fingertips on his body, worshipping as his lover called it, yet Dean’s entire being was ablaze and his dick was already showing its appreciation for the simple touches and claimed for more.

“Mm, roughly translated from Spanish, it means ‘my sky’, but I think it sounds better in its original language. It has more meaning and depths of feelings.”

A hum of approval followed by an easy smile, and a molten look in sage-colored eyes preceded a desire-woven voice. “I like it. What else?”

An inevitable chuckle leaped from Cas’s chest— _adorable_ —was another word claimed by the man underneath him.

Castiel wanted to make a map of Dean’s body with kisses and color it with his tongue.

“You really have a language/accent kink, don’t you? Japanese, and now Spanish. Maybe I should add some French into the mix or Arabic,” he mused with his best poker face, his teasing quickly earning him a playful shove from Dean, and a coy smile that curled delectable pink lips.

“Shut up…I didn’t know until I met you,” voiced his lover as he looked through veils of luscious eyelashes, and then winked at him.

Oh! Dean Winchester was like a wild meadow, hiding charms only revealed when he wanted.

“You fiend,” he groaned. Droughty lips hovered over vinaceous ones, more than ready to drink from Dean’s mouth kisses that will keep him alive and nurture his soul.

“ _Mi vida_. My life. _Mi alma_. My soul. _Mi corazon_. My heart. _Pecas_. Freckles.” His man whispered each word into his skin as he kissed his naked body from his forehead to his feet.

“Ca-s, aaah…” Dean moaned, as he ran desperate fingers through his man’s silky hair, and down his shoulder blades.

Impassioned kisses electrified his moist lips and tantalizing whispers enthralled his mind as fingertips played a titillating song on his bedewed skin, and a sinful tongue made its way down the trail of fine hair from his navel to his crotch. When Cas had gotten rid of his boxers, he couldn’t say, but he was glad his cock was finally free.

“Oh, ye-ah, mmm.”

“Dean, every minuscule movement or word of yours, sets my soul afire. How do you do it?” Passion-lidded eyes floated towards each other, caresses and kisses temporarily forgotten in favor of numinous gazes. The eyes tend to be more eloquent than mouth, because embarrassment cannot easily cloud them. But it only lasted a few seconds, their bodies too overtaken by lust to halt its purpose.

Funny enough, his eyes searched for the fur balls; they were pets but Dean wasn’t into voyeurism of any kind. To his delight, the spot in front of the TV was now empty. Good. Because getting frisky with his boyfriend was better done when they were alone. His temporary distraction was abruptly cut short by Cas’s hand wrapping around his dick.

Grabbing a hold of Dean’s throbbing erection with searing fingers, the pink head already streaming with pre-come, Cas’s unholy tongue licked its way up the base of his length. When it reached the tip, it relentless teased the sensitive slit until he was a babbling mess.

“Caaaa-s, ahh, Christ! Fuc-k, oh!” His hands had found their way to his lover’s silky hair and sturdy shoulder, they were improvised anchors that kept him from drifting off into unexplored heights.

Every move and caress, each suck, lick and nibble, individually they drove out moans, pants and groans from his mouth. But all together, as if fine-tuned instruments in an orchestra, they wrung out of Dean a harmonious sensual piece of music which curled his toes and arched his back; Cas and him were both the conductors of this concerto.

As his mouth and tongue moved in sync, and gave his Dean tastes of utmost pleasure, Cas thought, _‘You are a perfectly curated mix of virtues and flaws, Dean, and in my eyes, no one worthier of love, respect, and admiration.’_ And as more sounds of pleasure arose from his lover’s bosom, and whirl through him like fire tornadoes consuming everything in their path, Cas’s hands, mouth, teeth, and tongue worked even more diligently in their task.

Castiel’s right hand slithered up his belly and up to his slightly sweaty torso, and then it took a detour to his left pert nipple. Talented fingers began to rub, tweak, and pull at the nub gently. All the while, Cas’s ardent mouth and tongue savored his cock like the tastiest strawberry popsicle he had ever eaten. One hand anchored him to his boyfriend meaty shoulder as his tremulous left hand moved up to catch his boyfriend’s devoted fingers playing with his nipple. Plump scarlet lips scattered warm kisses on the inside of Cas’s wrist as well as a few soft nibbles and fervent licks. And when he did so, Dean’s dick received in return a few teasing nips.

Toes curled and back slightly arched, emerald eyes blinking profusely and ragged breaths—Dean kept on with his own worshiping of Cas’s hand until he reached rounded fingertips and began to suck on them. They tasted a bit like Dean’s pre-cum, and tasting himself on his lover’s skin was more titillating than he was used to. The knowledge that Cas was enjoying his taste set off electric sparks in his bloodstream. But it was also the feeling of hard sucks that hollowed his ‘sex-god’ of a boyfriend’s cheeks as well as the unbearable tickling of flames that lapped the pit of his belly, which abruptly overtook his body and propelled him to a climax that bent his back and tensed his muscles, and roped-out a broken, “ _Ca-s_ , comin’!”  

Dean wanted to give Cas a heads-up so he could release his cock and avoid getting his mouth flooded with come, but his tongue was too lazy and his limbs too weak to push him away. But when he looked through his blissed out, post-orgasmic eyes, he saw the satisfied smile of sheen lips being swept clean by a languid thumb. 

After he recovered his senses, Dean realized Cas hadn’t come. And that wasn’t fair, not in Dean’s book. So, he attempted to reach for Cas’s straining cock, but a swift hand caught his and tangled their fingers together. He threw his angel a curious look— eyebrows arched and lips ready to release a complain, yet before he could, Cas smiled against his hand, and as he gazed at Dean with besotted eyes, he murmured, “Leave it. I am fine. I want you—yes— but I can wait.”

_Shit!_ Dean didn’t know what to say. So, he reached for the tissue box on the side table, cleaned the mess, set the dirty tissues on the floor, and then grabbed Cas’s face and kissed the fuck outta him because, _damn,_ Castiel Novak never ceased to amaze him.

**********

Half an hour later, and after sharing another piece of pie, Dean dragged his ass off the surprisingly comfortable couch they have been sharing. It was a feat to do so with the cozy and dangerously domestic atmosphere they had going on—candlelight casted its golden glow over the muted walls and dark floors, Tippens snoring away by his feet on the floor, Mrs. Agatha curled against Cas’s belly, Cas stretched out along the sofa, his head on Dean’s lap and one of his hands twined with Dean’s free hand as the other wound around Dean’s leg, and Dean’s right hand distractedly massaging Cas’s scalp while they watched a documentary about giant pandas on Animal Planet.

This day had been a whirlwind—a weird balance of tension, noise, laughter, threats, sensuality, and… _intimacy_. The latter was something new, strange… This kind of closeness left him dizzy but at the same time rooted, made him uncomfortable yet he craved for more—he felt naked at the touch of it and oh so vulnerable

Once at the door, their lips met in a short and sweet peck, said peck turned onto a full-blown kiss. Tongues and teeth and lips heavily involved, devoted to the task— it heated their skin and stirred barely sleeping monsters. As much as he wanted to please his lust, and all the feelings poking under his flesh, he was bone-tired in every aspect. Unwillingly and groaning, he shut his eyes, breathed deeply, and bit his lips.

Burning bodies separated and mouths far from appeased, hearts thrumming and fingers stubbornly holding onto hips and necks, Dean husked, “We’ll continue this, _soon_. But now, go. Go inside. Go.”

If Cas kept looking at him like that. Like Dean leaving caused him pain, he won’t be able to leave. So, he gave Cas a gentle push, Cas’s heart was beating so fast. And Dean swore his own heart rushed to match his boyfriend’s.

Reluctantly, Cas listened to his plea. Temporarily that is.

When he was already sitting in the impala, his eyes followed the moonlit road that lead to Cas.

Dean was an adult, he wasn’t a horny and naïve teenager, but for some weird reason this thing with Cas felt like a first. Not even when he was at that age and he experienced some of his firsts, he remembered feeling as giddy and nervous and silly as he did now. He had just kissed Cas, touched him all over, climaxed in his mouth, held his hand and smiled at him, but it wasn’t enough. Cas was standing by the front entrance, looking at him with a tenderness he didn’t know how to deal with, and he just wanted to throw open the door and run into his arms. And now he sounded so pathetic and corny, and his dignity was caterwauling, but fuck it. Reaching for his cell in his back pocket, he began to type.

A buzz in Cas’s back pocket shook him out of his entrancement, and he reached to see which of his family members was the culprit. To his surprise, it was a text from Dean. His eyes momentarily flew from the text to the smiling man sitting in the sleek black car. A colubrine feeling of excitement coiled around his spine as his lips returned the smile, and his eyes beelined to the now dimmed screen. One tap and light flooded his vision as well as his heart.

**Dean:** _How ‘bout we finish what we started, tomorrow night in my tub, sensei?_

As he read the message, Cas felt his lips stretch to the point of his eyes closing to slits. A billow of amorphous feelings moved his too eager fingers to clumsily type his reply. They were athwart each other, separated merely by a handful of steps, cement, and metal. He could easily go to Dean and tell him his response, yet writing it, waiting for him to read it, and to reply, felt appropriate. In a way, in a strange way, it felt intimate.

**Cas:** _Mmm, sensei?_ _I think I just developed another ‘kink’, as you call it._

Dean’s nocturnal laughter paved a silver road between them. His lover’s smiles had nothing to envy the songbirds’ musical notes; they filled Castiel’s world with color and played melodies in his heart.

For a moment, Dean felt a dosage of disgust coat his tongue about feeling turned-on by the thought of Cas dominating him. Andrew’s mocking voice almost took center stage, but he didn’t let it. Not tonight, asshole. To clear his mind, he let the engine roar to life and opened his window, and then kept on reading.

**Cas:** _I would love to take you up on your very tempting invitation, but sadly, I can’t. I have a couple of private lessons after my regular sessions tomorrow. But, how about Tuesday?_

When his phone vibrated in his hands, Dean’s eyes glimpsed at it, anticipating his boyfriend’s reply. Not since he first drove the Impala, has he felt as giddy as he did now, and thing was, that it happened pretty often when he was with Cas.

_Love_ was a strange thing.

_Love?_

_Love…_

**Dean:** _See you then_

He was a bit disappointed when he read Cas’s reply, but the wait will make things much more interesting. He’ll need to check his bubbles and sea salts supply. And maybe, he should bake another pie and this time, they’ll share one spoon.

**Cas:** _Drive safely. Sleep well. Good night, Dean._

Sex and then pie, it doesn’t get better than that. Though with Cas, you never know.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? I really appreciate your feedback, it keeps me going. And God knows I need that motivation. It feels like begging, ugh. Don't mind me.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


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